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 Feeniks
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 776
Is separated single?Page 32 of 37    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37)
Where the hell are you people getting your legal advice from?

just try and sell a house even entirely in your own name when separated- you can't

and

there is no real seperation agreement anymore hasnt been for years in canada,


Either one, or both, of you may be right but I doubt it. My ex owns a house that neither the bank nor I have ever laid eyes on. I'm fairly sure that if she decides to sell it, she will be able to without my signature. I'm almost as sure that the money I just paid a lawyer to have my ex's name removed from the mortgage and title on my house was so I could sell it when I wanted to, otherwise what was the point of that bill? And between the two of us, my ex and I , we spent about 5 grand on lawyers and a mediator who produced a 15 document entitled "Mediated Separation Agreement" which lays out division of assets, child custody and support, and all the rest. And it rolls over into a divorce agreement when the time is up. So my paperwork is done. Done like dinner! It may be different in your juridiction.
 Lovingmom1981
Joined: 2/1/2006
Msg: 777
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/16/2006 2:54:29 AM
Well I think it depends on the people. I was not divorced yet but dating a guy and he helped me with my divorce. But my ex had been gone for months before I started dating. So I would say its single it depend on how you view it!!!!! But I also was in the prosses of getting my divorce.
 DriverKen51
Joined: 4/11/2006
Msg: 778
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/16/2006 3:43:31 AM
Seperated is NOT single. There are a lot of emotional changes one has to go through AFTER the divorce is final. I go by the one year rule, NO dating the first year after the day the judge signs the papers.
 Cupids_Desperado
Joined: 4/11/2006
Msg: 779
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/17/2006 7:09:42 PM
Well Try this: Im Seperated, I Classify myself as Single for 5 years now. I will never be with her again and I would have my Divorce tomorrow if not for one thing.

I Have a Court's Blessing.

I have a child living with me I call my Son ( He is not Biological but has been with me since he was 1 Im the Only Dad Devon has ever known ) Devon is 12 - If I divorce before Devon is 13, My Ex-wife Loosing Custody of Devon to me being his Dad Through Marriage.

I Loose Devon Back to My Exwife - Ex... A Drunken, Abusive Father he has not seen since 1 Ive remained Married to her for 10 years. The kids ( Daughter 9 and Boy 12 ) rarely Visit her and I fear for Devon's Life if had to return to him.

So what should I classify myself as ( Just unlucky ? )

No I dont... ( Seperated - Divorce Pending a Date of a 13 year old - SINGLE to be... )
 a bit nomadic
Joined: 6/14/2006
Msg: 780
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/17/2006 10:51:24 PM
I haven't read all 32 pages of this thread, but thought I'd put in my two cents anyway.
Isn't it really about the person you are considering dating? I was "separated" for just over a year before my divorce was final, and dating during that period helped me emotionally during that period, but I certainly wasn't ready for a serious relationship, so it was good for me but probably not good for anyone who might have wanted to form something serious with me. But other people are probably in a much different place emotionally from that: everyone is different just as every marriage/divorce is different. The danger is always there that they will go back to their spouse, but that could happen whether the divorce is final or not (and there is no guarantee that they might not meet someone else anyway, just as in any relationship--they are all risks). However, I think that the one great barrier for me in dating a separated guy would be if he was living in the same house with his wife--that, for me, would be a deal-breaker, whatever the financial situation, etc. Whether I trusted him or not I couldn't handle it (and I'm not particularly inclined to jealousy), and it is hard for me to imagine how anyone could. Wouldn't it have to be an issue, somehow, in a negative way?

 azsunshine72
Joined: 5/23/2006
Msg: 781
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/17/2006 10:58:05 PM
That's such a hard question. I knew someone who is separated for over 5 years. My question is then why not get divorced?

But the bottom line is NO!!
 sassypeach67
Joined: 3/11/2006
Msg: 782
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/17/2006 11:01:42 PM
go online to mydivorce dot com i believe it is....file the paperwork yourself!!
 Nature23
Joined: 6/11/2006
Msg: 783
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/17/2006 11:02:55 PM
I'm in somewhat the same place. I was emotionally separated from my husband. But some how thought that the love that we had would magically repersent it's self. Well you can see just how far that got me. I'm 23 years old and going though the same thing my mother went through with my dad. Oh God, for me to be so young and go though all this for this man. Well, all that I can say is pray for me cause I'm going to need all the help that I can get.
Now it's not hard to sleep but it's hard to be not just lonely but now alone.
 goldenphoenix
Joined: 6/3/2006
Msg: 784
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/19/2006 10:27:12 AM
It depends on your comfort level. I personally feel that a person hasn't moved on, be it physically or emotionally, unless they are divorced. Moving on for another person is also not right. You divorce because you want to, not because someone else wants you to. I would like to be with someone who is free!
 goddess23
Joined: 3/5/2006
Msg: 785
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/21/2006 10:49:57 AM
Feeniks you are right and can have a lawyer draw up papers and do all the legal work as i have also done, but you dont have to, to be seperated by law here in canada. It is by the date you say on your income tax and that is legal. Now i cant say for sure about this home your wife owns but i do know what my lawyer told me that i can not sell my new home without his signing.
 Simplifying my life
Joined: 9/16/2005
Msg: 786
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/21/2006 2:57:33 PM
I'm new to this forum, and no I haven't read all of the previous 32 pages of posting....but I'm willing to put in my 2 cents.

In my eyes, separated is not single but, dependent upon the circumstances, it does give you the right to date and/or go into a new relationship. I certainly couldn't see dating someone who was separated but still living in the same home as their 'ex'. Even if they are only living together because of financial reasons, there are too many issues arising daily when you share the same residence.

Case in point; I have been separated for 3.5 years. We do not have a legal separation document signed yet (not but for trying...I'm just determined our younger child should receive the same benefits our older one did when we were living together). My ex, and although we are not divorced...yes, he is my ex, has been living with another woman for 3.5 years. I have dated, and even had a one year relationship and feel completely comfortable in doing that.

Our marriage is over, it's just the legal and paper work that need to be completed. I will change my profile to divorced, when that stage is complete. And I would even venture to say that 5 years after the divorce, I would have no problem marking myself as single in any forum where specific legal definitions are not required.

So, there are my 2 cents...although they are Canadian so I guess that's what 1.5 cents?
 amitheoneforyou
Joined: 5/5/2006
Msg: 787
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/21/2006 3:37:23 PM
It depends if they have an agreed legal sepration and their ex partner is not going to cite you in any infidelity case. If thye're not living with the person, i don't see why you can't see them? Perhaps leave the moving in together bit until after the divorce is finalised though.
 laceylilkitty
Joined: 10/31/2005
Msg: 788
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/21/2006 4:17:15 PM
WELL I THINK IT ALL DEPENDS ON ALOT OF THINGS ..NO OFFENSE TO ANY MEN OUT THERE....BUT I WOULD BE REALLY CAREFULL DATING A MAN WHO IS SEPERATED OR AT LEAST VERY CAREFULL ABOUT INVESTING YOURSELF IN THEM UNTIL YOU KNOW ALL THE FACTS.....AS SOMEONE WHO IS SEPERATED RIGHT NOW FOR THE LAST YEAR ...MY X HOWEVER WAS SEPERATED FOR YEARS ACCORDING TO ALL THE WOMEN HE WAS SCREWING AROUND WITH USING EXCUSES ...EVERTHING FROM HIS WIFE IS SICK RIGHT NOW AND ITS JUST HIM HELPING OUT WITH THE KIDS TO THE OLD I HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL THE HOUSE SELLS THING....AND IVE DATED SOME THAT HAVE SAID THE SAME THING TO ME BUT ARE STILL WITH THIER WOMEN .....WHAT IS SINGLE ANYMORE ANYWAY .....LETS FACE IT THE DATING SCENE IS A TRICKY THING AT THE BEST OF TIMES.....
 Beckeroo
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 789
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/21/2006 4:56:30 PM
I think separated can mean a lot of different things sunshine2tan... For me, it just means my relationship is being tested, for someone else it could mean the relationship is actually over or on the verge of it, or they are trying to work it out over time.

I personally, don't think I would involve myself in that situation... I would wait until the person became single... Definitly less stressful.
 Feeniks
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 790
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/22/2006 9:54:50 AM
^^^ no offense intended, Beckeroo, but separated doesn't mean temporarily not seeing your boyfriend. No. I wouldn't get involved in that either. Separated, in my area at least, means having legally divided assets and financial responsibilities and child custody and is a very significant step towards getting out of a dis-functional marriage. I don't know anyone who has gotten as far as formalizing the process who has backed out. I don't know why the law here bothers to set such limits. I would expect that anyone at that stage has had at least one unofficial split before getting to that stage. Wish I lived in Florida.

And in other news, the Supreme Court of Canada has today confirmed "no fault" divorce. So 'infidelity cases' 9message 790) can't really be said to exist in Canada. (Not that that is any concern of mine, for the record. LOL)
 ronscons
Joined: 5/22/2006
Msg: 791
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/23/2006 4:21:55 AM
Goddess23- go ahead and talk about affairs of the heart- very laudible and gracious but it cost me over $60000.00 in legal and court costs, 13 lawyers in two provinces in 3 levels of courts, at least seven lien notes of various kinds, 3 separate bank account seizures during a so called "seven year legal" separation, my son[12 yrs old at the time] and me spending a night in jail[1988] - yes I am somewhat bitter and yes it damn near broke me and yes I probably have baggage over it but that being said its finally over [actually has been for 10 years now]- it is damn hard to think of affairs of the heart when your power was cut off for non-payment because of a bank account seizure- What I am saying is MAKE SURE ALL YOUR AFFAIRS ARE IN ORDER- cause when you least expect it, screwups will occur and judges and lawyers make LOTS of mistakes and it is usually the client who pays- I say no more! The record speaks for itself.
 travel junky
Joined: 5/2/2006
Msg: 792
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/23/2006 5:25:35 AM
MSG 81: "There's also the baggage of a vindictive (ex) wife who finds out her husband has moved on during the separation period, and is dating someone he's very happy with - and suddenly she sees the light and decides that she wants him back. Could be a territorial thing, could just be a brainf*ck thing, but she decides to fill his head with lies and try to lure him back - even if deep down she doesn't really want to be back with him, she's just miffed and jealous that he's found happiness with someone other than her. This happens more often than you think. Now why would I want to be with someone whose going to obviously end up very confused because his ex is now wanting to reconcile - who's trying to get him to take a trip down memory lane, who's reminding him of the substantial history they share, bla bla bla?

Then there's the guy who's separated and wifey wants to "make him pay" for his part in the demise of the marriage - so when he decides to cut the ties and file for divorce, she decides to be a cow and contest it - just to be difficult - or she decides to get a lawyer and sue him for alimony that's ludicrous - or she wants to be petty and fight over the butter dish he's got and every other thing..........or she wants to ruin him financially or professionally because for whatever reason (could have been justified, maybe it's not), she's angry that he wants a divorce.................of course this is going to take its toll on him........and it's going to cross over into OUR relationship and a day won't go by in which he's not talking about "what the b*tch is trying to do now." I don't need that crap or drama or negativity -- I don't bring baggage and drama into a relationship, why should I settle for it?"

Sienna: You are right on the money here....those two situations happened to me almost word for word as you have described. When I first met him he had been separated for two years, living in a different city and the divorce was "almost finalized"--that is until wifey found out about us. We broke up within a year because wifey decided that our lives should be as miserable as hers and went out of her way to cause problems for us. Three years and $60k in legal fees later, he's still not divorced! And how long exactly was I supposed to put my life on hold for this guy???? How much drama should I have been willing to put up with??? This is baggage I can do without thank you!
 allh2h
Joined: 3/23/2006
Msg: 793
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/23/2006 5:58:29 AM
^^^^well I guess if he was was really worth in it your eyes then it wouldn't ahve mattered, not to me anyways. Life happens and unfortunetly she can do this shiit AFTER it is over with too...comes with the territory of an ex-wife/husband. Name of the game. If you do not want baggage you need to stay away from men that are divorced period...just my 2 cents.

Even though my ex was divorced she still put us through hell...name of the game hun.
 travel junky
Joined: 5/2/2006
Msg: 794
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/23/2006 9:16:32 AM
^^^^ Yes....it became very clear to me that even after (if ever) the divorce becomes final, this woman is still going to continue to make his life hell, not to mention anybody he associates with. These situations unfortunately can bring out the worst in people At the very least, I'd like to keep my sanity!
 valioso
Joined: 6/23/2006
Msg: 795
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/23/2006 10:19:10 AM
I am separated and I think yes, we live in separate houses, we barely talk and is 100% no chance of fixing it. The problem is that most women hear this, and you automatically have the mark of the beast on your forehead and become undatable no matter what kind of guy you are. Or so has been my experience so far
 goddess23
Joined: 3/5/2006
Msg: 796
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/23/2006 3:14:49 PM
Ronscons I am very sorry that you had to go through all that, and no one should have to. I am happy for you that it is finally over now. Yes my affairs are in order and i have moved on years ago myself, my point is that if you are done and over your marrage emotionally it is over, so being seperated in my eyes at that point is single. Getting finanice in order has nothing to do with being single .You or anyone else do not have to agree with me . I look at it this way if I or anyone was to live with someone and we broke up would we be single? Yes we would, but you still have the house to deal with maybe the kids its not alot different.
 Feeniks
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 797
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/23/2006 11:46:27 PM
@Travel junkie msg 795. There is always the possibility that anyone's past (or present) might rise up and bite them on the ass. The brother that wants to contest the will that gave your man the house he's in. The cocaine smuggling charge that comes up and explains how come he's so well-to-do. The illness that renders him unable to work just after you start to really care about him. The boss that he's always griping about riding his ass and now he got fired just after you bought a house together. Life has a million surprises in store for us.
You meet someone. If you like them, you consider if they have what it takes to make you happy. If its a money-back guarantee you want? Sorry, there ain't nobody comes with that.
 travel junky
Joined: 5/2/2006
Msg: 798
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/24/2006 6:28:22 AM
^^^Never said I was looking for a money back guarantee. Obviously life doesn't come with that. However, one can take steps to mitigate certain risks or at the very least cut their losses---why go borrowing trouble? As much as I'd like to see the world, I'm not about to vacation in Baghdad anytime soon!

I believe that most people (no matter what their marital status) come with baggage of some sort. As their partner, we have to decide if we can/want to deal with it or if it's best to walk away. In the situation I described above, wifey made things unbearable for us, which made it rather difficult to find happiness there. Sadly, today he is no further ahead in resolving things with her than he was 5 years ago when they first separated. Everytime he tries to take a step forward with his life she pushes him back three steps. The worst part is that she continues to use their young daughter as a pawn--even more so when there is another woman in the picture. It's very much affected his personal life, his family, his career and his health and well being. As much as I like this man, this story does not sound like it could have a happy ending anytime soon.
 Darkwolf46
Joined: 6/7/2006
Msg: 799
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/24/2006 12:23:46 PM
A good decision, TJ2........life is too short and there are no guarantees, so, you have to play the percentages.....and the odds are just a little much in favor of the house when you are in a situation like that........

Just got out of "Baghdad" myself......relatively intact......will keep the postcards and that's about it! :)
 lonelynights
Joined: 6/20/2006
Msg: 800
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/24/2006 12:56:11 PM
No way is separated single. You have to be careful because in God's eyes you are still married and it would be considered adultery. You dont have to spend money on a lawyer if you and your husband agree to everything. Just remember in a divorce if you fight then it will cost you more money.
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