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 flowerchild1963
Joined: 3/29/2006
Msg: 801
Is separated single?Page 33 of 37    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37)
This post is hilarious. You people should read my profile. I fit into this so perfectly. And yes I go on dates and have no intention of going back to an A-hole who lies, cheats, and has no remorse. Everyone has baggage. You just have to figure out who can deal with their's and who can't. Why should people put there lives on hold because of circumstances beyond their control. Hell, if I could move out today I would. BTW, I called him my boyfriend in my profile,but in reality, according to Canadian law, he was my common law husband ... so now that he sleeps in the basement does that mean I'm separated or single?
 sweet2meetU
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 802
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/24/2006 6:54:52 PM
Separated means not getting along with the Wife right now. Miserable, angry and just horny. Reconcilliartion with the Wife is still possible, and maybe his Wife isn't even aware that they
are separated.
Steer clear. Separated = Married.
 theadra
Joined: 5/8/2006
Msg: 803
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/24/2006 7:54:27 PM
Hi sunshine;

I'm totally stunned by the many negative replies to your question.....As we mature we realize (or should) that generalities do not apply to specific situations.....May I remind everyone here that Jacqueline Kennedy, undoubtedly the most elegant, courageous first lady ever; dated, was committed to a married man for the last ten years of her life. He was at her bedside when she died. Why he was not divorced is unknown.....money? family? politcs?...When one is young and seeking to start a family of course you can't be merely separated, but later.....Things, situations arise that can put a different spin on how we feel about a belief.

So no separated isn't single, but it is not unacceptable.
 dee-licious trouble
Joined: 4/26/2006
Msg: 804
Is separated single?
Posted: 6/26/2006 7:08:03 PM
wow...it's unfortunate that people such as yourself have to be so bitter and so narrowminded towards a general 'label'.
 midgey43
Joined: 7/1/2006
Msg: 805
Is separated single?
Posted: 7/2/2006 1:47:25 PM
Just to let you know right from the start, You are a GREAT man. I hope you know that and I'm sure your wife knows that also.

My husband and I have just recently seperated. He is a truck driver over the road. Us keeping life as normal as possible makes the transition better and easier for everyone for many different reasons.

The greatest factor is that we can still be friends without any hate. A family with hate isn't a happy family.

Was so happy to see that my husband isn't the only terrific man out there.

Take care.

Shirley
 airforce_tazman
Joined: 2/20/2006
Msg: 806
Is separated single?
Posted: 7/3/2006 1:51:57 PM
My 2 cents to add to why the paperwork is just that paperwork. In this day and age how many people don't get married at all but still live together have kids do all the same things married people do. As a few seperater people in this forum have stated. By the time you start to date again after a seperation you have already gone thru many lets try again and emoyional situations. My particular case is op allow her to get on her feet before I cut off the medical insurance. If your worried about baggage I don't know anyone over the age of 18 that don't have at least one bad break-up. I can go back to high school and remember X girl/boy friends that tried to break up anything new. This will be a factor for everyones entire life. The one thing I have not read yet is honesty. Think about this if I select seperated instead of single then I am being honest. I have a public web page on MySpace where my X {who is a friend also) can see my friends and even e-mail them. I could sneak around by putting single but I don't because I don't Lie. I would rather date someone who is honest than worry about lables. I did the myspace thing so that any potential dates could see thet I am not sneaking around. In any situation take into account that the Man or Women stating they are seperated are at least being honest.
 CharmGuru
Joined: 6/10/2006
Msg: 807
Is separated single?
Posted: 7/3/2006 2:07:40 PM
Is separated single? In the eyes of the very religious obviously not. Some of us are not religious however and separated can very well mean single to us. In Canada for instance (and in some states as I understand it) you must stay separated for a year before you can apply for a divorce. If that's the case why should you have to wait for an arbitrary time period before you can really be single.

So if you have decided, after trying for years to make it work - that it will not work. If you have committed to leaving. If you've really moved out - in every conceivable way - and are not looking to go back - what else can you be but single?

If your beliefs prevent you from being with someone who has not divorced yet - they stay away.

Tazman's post is right on - if someone puts "Separated" on their profile they are being honest. What else can we ask of people.
 singleblueeyes
Joined: 3/23/2006
Msg: 808
Is separated single?
Posted: 7/3/2006 8:08:26 PM
I am not legally divorced. I filed for divorce waited my 90 days signed my final divorce papers but he wont sign them. To top it off he is living with his ex girl friend in a different state. In my eye I see that I am divorced because I signed the papers.
 Sadie415
Joined: 5/15/2006
Msg: 809
Is separated single?
Posted: 7/3/2006 9:02:26 PM
Seperated to me means; I'm looking around, I may or may not go back with my wife, We may end up going to counseling, people will think your a Bi_ch if we do get divorced, and will you do the "deed" while I'm thinking this stuff over???
 MrGordonGecko
Joined: 6/29/2006
Msg: 810
Is separated single?
Posted: 7/3/2006 9:37:31 PM
As long as the state is involved in the marriage, then thats one person too many.

Separated people are, for all intents and purposes, still married.

I think to be fair, separated people still do not have their finances completed sorted out until they get a divorce. Even immediately after a divorce, you'll still see possible complications with the legal bills, various bills, etc.

I hate to say it, but as a male, you have to really think hard on this kind of deal. You don't want to be the safety valve for a codependent who is trading one paycheck for another. Often recently divorced people are living at a quality of life lower than when they were married. If they have kids, that compounds the financial issues even more.

I think its a good idea to have a clear idea what you consider deal breakers from not only an emotional 'separation' but also a financial 'separation' They just aren't the same thing and they don't always come packaged together.
 old_girl
Joined: 6/3/2006
Msg: 811
Is separated single?
Posted: 7/3/2006 10:12:48 PM
I've been separated for 4 years now. I filed for divorce but he refused to sign the papers. We live completely separate lives, I moved out of our marital home and bought a new house 2 years ago. He has had at least 2 relationships that I know of and I have been involved in one. That one relationship that I had was harder to get over than the 14 years I spent with my "husband" So do I view myself as single? Yes I do. I'm just waiting for the day he wants to remarry so we can finally put a legal end to this.
 Clematis
Joined: 6/4/2006
Msg: 812
Is separated single?
Posted: 7/3/2006 11:51:44 PM
If you are separated because you are the cheater, then --- no; you are not really single. You're cheating and fooling around.

If you are separated because someone cheated on you and left you - the damage is done. It's a fait d'complie (Sp). You are single, by default.
 Nufyxes
Joined: 5/2/2005
Msg: 813
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 7/4/2006 4:32:19 AM
Thats a lot of baggage to help carry. There are so many possibilities to the outcome. I'd be too damn scared to find out the ending. Not to mention... babymommas can be outright B*TCHES... No offense to the babymomma's out here, its only when theres a new girl on your territory
 semperfi50
Joined: 7/11/2005
Msg: 814
Is separated single?
Posted: 7/4/2006 4:46:15 AM
Old Girl--- he's playing you like a fiddle--He has you,and the girlfriends he doesn't have to commit to because he's still "married' ---Why would he even want to remarry ??? he's got it made and it's not costing him--and he's not loosing anything---

Hate to tell ya,, In my book--your still married
 matisse808
Joined: 6/1/2005
Msg: 815
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 7/4/2006 4:50:26 AM
It depends on who you ask. The person who is separated will say "yes," but to anyone dating them, it is an escapable fact that the separated one is not yet completely available.
 Angel_73
Joined: 7/4/2005
Msg: 816
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 7/4/2006 7:00:25 AM
I was sepertated from my ex husband for 3 years before we got offically divorced, cuz i didnt have the money to and i had no reason for it i wasnt dating anyone seriously. He was dating a girl for 2 years then asked me if i can go with him to file for divorce so he paid for it all ha ha. I dated a few guys in that time and they didnt seem to have a problem with it. Now if things got serious then sure i would have found a way to come up with the money. As long as you are not still inlove or hoping to work it out at some point i dont see anything wrong with dating while seperated ..I concidered myself single once we split cuz i knew there was no way we where getting back together.

I wouldnt say no to a seperated guy as long as there is no chance of him getting back with her. I been there and i know how hard it is to get out there and date when seperated.
 TokochickUK
Joined: 6/30/2006
Msg: 817
Is separated single?
Posted: 7/4/2006 7:00:34 AM
Im still married, seperated in jan 06 but the marriage had already started to break down after the birth of our first son, then serious PNI, and a thought to keep on trying, we brought the house, but we have both changed to much, im not who i was, he isnt who i thought he was. abd we have both changed to much. I dont love him. I cant change that, its how i have felt the last yr at least. We havent started on the divorce stuff yet, but we will without a single doubt. In my mind im single, he isnt living with me, he has the boys every other weekend yes financially i am still dependednt on him, for the children. But If i didnt have them, i would have walked away well over 18 months ago.
Sus x
 Stargazer46
Joined: 1/18/2006
Msg: 818
Is separated single?
Posted: 7/4/2006 7:17:27 AM
Have i wished some (more than can fit in a breadbox) separated guys were single? Yes.
Would i become involved with some separated guy? No.
 Scintillating_Angel
Joined: 5/2/2006
Msg: 819
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 7/4/2006 9:40:02 AM
While in college studying family law, we had this question on an exam. Married = married. Divorced = no longer married, with a decree signed by a judge. Separated is still married. Under the law, without a bill of divorcement [decree], you are still married. And I learned the easy way that staying married "for the children" only hurts them worse in the long run. Children are so intelligent and perceptive, and so many adults fail to credit them with that. They know the score. It is far more hurtful to see their parents miserable and trapped in an arrangement "for the good of the children".

If you are separated, you are married. If you think not, wait and see what happens if there is a medical catastrophe. Your spouse will have to sign consent papers. Your estate would pass to someone you don't love anymore. These are all things you need to consider.

Off the soap box and the track it veered into.
 sweet kisser
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 820
Is separated single?
Posted: 7/7/2006 7:19:03 AM
When I left my ex-husband (we are now divorced) as soon as I walked out that door with me and the kids I considered myself no longer married. The marriage was over and done with and I had no intention at all of ever going back. So, I don't agree that all men and/or women are considering going back with their ex and are just looking around for anything that they can get. Sure, there might be some that use that as an excuse or a ploy to get into someone's bed....but there will always be that type of person around. Give people the benefit of the doubt and assume that they are honestly looking for a new relationship and are indeed totally finished with the former one. Why do we mistrust people so much? Why do we always assume the worst? Look for the best in people instead. Maybe I"m a dreamer or totally naive.....but I prefer to trust than to mistrust.
 travel junky
Joined: 5/2/2006
Msg: 821
Is separated single?
Posted: 7/7/2006 7:40:43 AM
If you are separated, you are married. If you think not, wait and see what happens if there is a medical catastrophe. Your spouse will have to sign consent papers. Your estate would pass to someone you don't love anymore. These are all things you need to consider.


This is so true...I have seen such situations happen with my clients. Too often I have heard separated people say they have moved on with with their lives and consider themselves "divorced" but don't want to pay lawyers a crazy amount of money to finalize it, unless they meet someone "worth doing it for". In this regard they may not really be doing themselves any favours. Their decision to wait could end up costing them a lot more in the long run.
 spacemanspiffter
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 822
Is separated single?
Posted: 7/7/2006 7:44:47 AM
@traveljunkie2:

Interesting. What if a legal separation is documented and in place?
 chathasviews
Joined: 5/21/2006
Msg: 823
how powwerfullcan be the words we daily use.
Posted: 7/7/2006 7:50:04 AM
hi
words are a differentiating factor .words decide the status of a person when he starts his conversation at any forum regarding any subject.words has the power to illuminate your intensity of feelings regarding any matter.
when god has gifted someone with this power he shall use this power for the better future of humanity.when a person having such a gift is let loose and he starts missuse of words he can
bring a lot of social dissorders.however it also depends upon his mental capabilities,education
level and his social atatus.
normally individuals having such power of speech do rise to a hihg social status by hook or croock.
see you soon in next responce
chatha
 babtet
Joined: 2/28/2006
Msg: 824
Is separated single?
Posted: 7/7/2006 8:44:01 AM
Yeah I agree with this statement! My ex was doing drugs for a couple of years and then it got so bad that I said enough is enough and I filed for divorce. I still love my ex because we were together for 16 years and married for 10. But if he wasn't doing the drugs I probably would still be with him today. So I am separated but not sure what I want because I want to seek counselling first because we have so much history together I don't want to drag it into my next relationship and start off on the wrong foot.I do consider myself available though because I don't see any way that my ex and I would get back together because of the trust issue. So I think of myself as Single! End of story!
 travel junky
Joined: 5/2/2006
Msg: 825
Is separated single?
Posted: 7/7/2006 1:54:19 PM
Interesting. What if a legal separation is documented and in place?


It really depends on the details of the agreement, but generally if there is a legal separation agreement in place we can treat it like a divorce and do not require the consent of the other spouse when dealing with certain transactions involving matrimonial property (in my case those of a financial nature). I say "generally" because some separation agreements can become null and void if spouses move back in together for a certain period of time, while others may not clearly specify that one spouse is giving up any interest they may legally have in the matrimonial property. However, where there is no formal separation agreement in place, we do require the consent of the other spouse even if they are a "non-owning spouse", such as in the case of a matrimonial home where one spouse is not on title and no longer lives there. They really aren't 100% free to do as they please with their own property in this scenario.

With respect to estates, as a previous poster alluded to, I am aware of situations where despite the fact that a legal separation agreement was in place, when one spouse died and left his/her property to other family members/people it was successfully contested by the surviving spouse leaving the deceased's loved ones without or with less of their inheritance. It seems there may be a few loop holes in the system that can be taken advantage of.
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