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 Kel-Gal
Joined: 7/10/2006
Msg: 851
Is separated single?Page 35 of 37    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37)
By definition legally separated does not mean single. I was dating a guy for about 2 months to find out that he wasn't divorced only legally separated. That doesn't work for me. If a person is separated it's their choice if they want to date. When I see separated, even if it's several years I go to the next profile. It can get tricky if you're involved with a person who's separated during a divorce. It doesn't cost all that much to get a divorce, a friend did it for $300. CND. Another friend was able to set up a payment plan for her divorce. To me as long as the person isn't divorced there's always a chance that they could get back together with their spouse. Just reiterating what others have said.
 blues_traveler2006
Joined: 7/16/2006
Msg: 852
Is separated single?
Posted: 7/25/2006 8:46:50 PM
It does'nt cost that much for a divorce ONLY if its amicable and uncontested. If there are property issues and custody issues, it can cost thousands and drag on for a long, long time

As far as Legal Seperation, at least in California...Both procedures involve the exact same issues: division of the parties' community property; custody and visitation; child and spousal support. The major difference between legal separation and a divorce is that at the end of the divorce process the parties are divorced; at the end of the legal separation procedure the parties are still married! If a judge grants a legal separation, neither party can remarry without dissolving the marriage. Reasons for a legal separation rather than a divorce might be for religious reasons; or keeping the other party's health insurance in force etc....

So you are correct. A person who is involved in a legal seperation is lawfully still married
 GentleCanuck
Joined: 7/27/2006
Msg: 853
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Is separated single?
Posted: 7/31/2006 3:14:51 AM
In my mind, it is. I am not a fan of the "we are married, but not really married" game. In my mind, I am either married or not.

That said, there are practical issues. For example, if you want to remarry, you have to actually divorce first. This can cause quite a problem for relationships that span two countries. Normally, the couple have to legally marry in order to live in the same country.
 movedon
Joined: 5/27/2006
Msg: 854
Is separated single?
Posted: 7/31/2006 3:19:35 AM
Is "separated" single?
 GentleCanuck
Joined: 7/27/2006
Msg: 855
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Is separated single?
Posted: 7/31/2006 3:21:24 AM


Another friend was able to set up a payment plan for her divorce. To me as long as the person isn't divorced there's always a chance that they could get back together with their spouse.


I don't quite see it that way, but I do see where you are coming from.

I was engaged for 3 years, and lived with her for one and a half years, to a woman who would not divorce her husband. Her excuses were lame.

She had sex with her husband five times during that time. Told me he raped her each time. I was too in love to not see the obvious. He seduced her, which is what he claimed.

I lost her to another guy, and she has been living with him for years. She still hasn't divorced her husband, and is still giving the same excuses.

I predict that her husband will eventually divorce her, so that he can marry his girlfriend.
 GentleCanuck
Joined: 7/27/2006
Msg: 856
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Is separated single?
Posted: 8/1/2006 1:23:03 AM
smile with your eyes, just read your profile...you are a blast!



I dated when i was seperated. To me , the marriage was over and we were just waiting for a judge to tell us it was over.

Life goes on and if you meet someone while you are seperated then why not go for it?


I don't play games. If I am married or in a relationship, I do everything I can to make it succeed. But if the relationship is over, it is over.

When I kicked my husband-beating wife out of the home, I told her the next day that there would be NO reconcilation.

Within days of our separation, both of us were with other people. I was in that relationship for 3 years. My ex married the guy.

I even helped my ex find and marry her current husband...he was a friend of mine, so I wrote him an email telling him I was cool with them dating....I had known for a year that they were in love.

I also helped her with some of the rules of our religion so that they could get together troublefree.

We did the usual arguing for a month or so after the separation. Then we decided that it wasn't good for the kids. And have cooperated ever since.
 last real woman
Joined: 7/13/2005
Msg: 857
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/1/2006 4:40:01 AM
I have been seperated for 6 yrs, Get along real well with my Ex........for the children....... Never had the need to make a Lawyer ritcher!!!!
 julietjuliet
Joined: 7/3/2006
Msg: 858
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/1/2006 5:20:51 AM
I was separated for about 8 or so years when i met my soon to become fiance, and was with him for 12 months when he asked me to get a divorce from my husband, which i automaticly did, had i not met someone else and my ex husband re marry then i would probably still be separated. I think time is a factor. Personally i wouldn't date anyone who has been separated for less than 12 months. The person i have had an interest in for the past six months is 'separated' and has been for 2 years. I actually asked him if he would ever go back to his wife and his answer no, he was 200% sure of it. I'm not saying wait a few years i am saying wait long enough to be absolutely sure the marriage is over, as a lot of emotions are still flying around in that 1st twelve months. ps: i got back with my 1st husband in that 1st 12 months, but it didn't last.
 FieryRedhead85
Joined: 6/19/2006
Msg: 859
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Is separated single?
Posted: 8/1/2006 7:09:23 AM
Divorces aren't easy or cheap to go through sometimes and in my experience we quickly parted ways and I never looked back. So it's not a priority to make it all legal. When it is a priority then I will do it. In the meantime, it's not that big of a deal. No title or piece of paper tells you whether you are in a relationship or not. You can have a marriage with no love or have a boyfriend for 10 years and be madly in love with no paperwork. I think a prospective partner would have to get over the fact that the person is seperated and realize it has nothing to do with them and when the time is right they will make it legal. However, if you are in the beginning of a relationship you aren't going to be marrying the person so there is plenty of time to get the paperwork done.
 GentleCanuck
Joined: 7/27/2006
Msg: 860
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Is separated single?
Posted: 8/1/2006 4:07:05 PM


Divorces aren't easy or cheap to go through sometimes and in my experience we quickly parted ways and I never looked back. So it's not a priority to make it all legal. When it is a priority then I will do it. In the meantime, it's not that big of a deal. No title or piece of paper tells you whether you are in a relationship or not. You can have a marriage with no love or have a boyfriend for 10 years and be madly in love with no paperwork. I think a prospective partner would have to get over the fact that the person is seperated and realize it has nothing to do with them and when the time is right they will make it legal. However, if you are in the beginning of a relationship you aren't going to be marrying the person so there is plenty of time to get the paperwork done.


I agree. In my case, my ex needed to remarry, so she divorced as soon as the law would allow.

Since we agreed on everything, she did all the paperwork herself. It was all in order when I got the papers. I read it, signed it, and sent her a cheque for my half of the $200-ish costs.

What makes for a good relationship is what the couple have in their hearts, not what a piece of paper says.

I find it so odd that couples can get drunk and get married with NO waiting period? But to get a divorce, they have to wait a year in Canada? America's waiting period is more sane; it is three months.

Personally, I think Canada should require a couple to get an engagement license. And then have to wait two years to get a marriage license. That would reduce the divorce rate due to reducing the number of bad marriages.
 Lady_Kay
Joined: 4/13/2006
Msg: 861
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/1/2006 5:12:32 PM
Divorce doesn't make someone single if they haven't gotten beyond the grieving stages (and with the end of any stage in life there has to be time to grieve and let go). On the other hand some never divorce due to tax benefits, insurances, and such as it is just cheeper to leave things as is even if both have moved apart years ago. I have a girlfriend who is still legally married although she has been happily and monogamously living with her boyfriend for the last 9 years and hasn't seen her ex in 12 years now. I don't believe that all can be judged by the same criteria.

A divorce is just a piece of paper - the value placed on it depends completely on the individual.

Single means you do not have a significant other and that you are available -
but just because someone is not married doesn't make them single either - for example I know a few widowed men who are NOT single! I also know some guys who were recently dating who are still hopelessly in love with their ex-girlfriends and thus aren't emotionally single yet either.

What it all boils down to is what you are personally comfortable with. If you are comfortable dating someone who is seperated but sharing the same house in different rooms then it isn't an issue. If you are comfortable only dating people who have that piece of paper and are living on their own then that is what you will seek.

It's all just symantics
 vfibsux
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 862
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/1/2006 5:37:35 PM
I may be biased since I am one of the separated, but you have to take this on a case by case basis. Look at someone divorced after 3 months of separation compared to someone like me who has been separated almost a year. Does that piece of paper make the guy safer to date? Honestly the only reason we are still married is because the only thing that will change is the paper so we have not seen a need to rush. Not living together, already have all the visitation stuff worked out on our own. Now it is just proscrastination I guess, but we'll get it done eventually. ;)
 krystalluv
Joined: 6/27/2005
Msg: 863
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/1/2006 5:44:32 PM
I totally agree you really can't look at it in general you have to take every different person differently, it really depends on if all the fine tuning is delt with i think, if you go gettin in a relationsship in the middle of a big mess it could,not saying would for sure but it could just end up killing that relationship too.
 Little_Star1983
Joined: 6/22/2006
Msg: 864
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/2/2006 5:34:31 AM
I'm separated after 2 1/2 years of marriage. I'm just about to finalise my divorce and think it's ok to start over again! Those that say they are separated and are still sleeping/sharing accommodation etc aren't! It's a bit of a grey area, but I guess it depends on the individual!
 knytesprite
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 865
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/2/2006 5:41:03 AM
I personally am seperated...and consider myself to be single! My husband left me after 9 months of marriage....that was 5 years ago. And he's basically kept me from learning his address etc for those 5 years so that I would be UNABLE to file for custody and divorce because even though he doesn't really want to be with me...he also refuses to let me go and have a life of my own.....however finally in May my lawyer found him in Ontario and served him custody papers....once those are completed I will finally be filing for my divorce...if he's still at the place where she served him!!!!!!! Which knowing him..he'll disappear before I can!

So for those of us who have no choice...it's unfair to say we shouldn't date because we're not leagally divorced! Should I have remained alone with my daughter for the past 5 years? I didn't date for the first 2 years of her life as I concentrated on her....but what more should I have done. I am a woman, an adult..and I do want to have adult companionship! God knows how long I would have had to wait, had I gone until I was divorced!
 bluerunningbunny
Joined: 11/12/2004
Msg: 866
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/2/2006 5:51:33 AM
I agree with the comments that single probably has a lot more to do with state of mind than a piece of paper.

To me, if someone is living separate and apart from their partner/spouse and has emotionally moved on, they are single.

I don't think this can be determined by a piece of paper - there are way too many reasons why someone may not have a divorce. For myself, it's been 2 years now that I've been physically separated & 3 that we've been emotionally separated. It took 1 year of separation I would say, for me to feel honestly ready to be back in the dating world & now, at the 2 year mark I feel ready for something longer term. I would like to get divorced at some point, but other bills take priority right now over a lawyer bill. To me, a divorce would be a "nice, tidy ending" and/or an opening for re-marriage down the road if I found the right person.

If I see someone with separated on their profile it doesn't bother me at all, but it's something I'd want to know more about fairly early on - how long, is it a friendly separation or a messy one etc etc. Only those answers would tell me if the person is ready to be involved, not the label.
 Spunky64
Joined: 7/9/2006
Msg: 867
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/2/2006 6:06:16 AM
Although it probably depends on the individual, I am separated and definitely consider myself to be single. There will never be a reconciliation and I've moved on. But I often see couples separate who really don't know what they want and are up and down like a toilet seat with one another. In that case, I think it should be considered a marital problem and not single at all. It's a state of mind and you need to look at how much emotional baggage they're carrying.
 GentleCanuck
Joined: 7/27/2006
Msg: 868
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Is separated single?
Posted: 8/2/2006 8:31:48 AM


Those that say they are separated and are still sleeping/sharing accommodation etc aren't! It's a bit of a grey area, but I guess it depends on the individual!


That is a risk I would never take, unless I just wanted sex.

I have a lady friend who has been with two men who claimed to be separated, but were still sharing the same house with their spouse. In both cases, the men stayed/went back to their wife.

The same with men or women who are still having sex with their ex. They are not ready to move on.

I could never have sex with my ex, even if she wanted me to. Ick!
 mizbex
Joined: 7/14/2006
Msg: 869
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/2/2006 8:39:49 AM
As I said before, I would not get involved with someone who was separated. I did this not so long ago and although I don't regret it, it was very hard to go through. You never know if the reason things didn't work out was because of his old relationship or the new one.

Just last week a man contacted me that was PERFECT for me, smart, cute, funny, good guy, but separated, as great as he would have been for me, I had to tell him, let me know when it is over and he was a total gentleman about it, gotta love that.
 SumpinNu
Joined: 4/13/2006
Msg: 870
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/2/2006 8:41:30 AM
No. Stills means married but intentions are to eventually get divorce.
 ScorpioMI77
Joined: 2/16/2006
Msg: 871
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/2/2006 1:06:42 PM
B4 I moved out of my x husband's home we had seperated for a year and living in seperate quaters, HOWEVER, out of respect and the fact that I was still legally married and living under the roof, I did not date anyone. Why would I want to bring another man in to my life when I was still fixing my own? Why would anyone want to involve themselves with a aman or a woman still married and living with the spouse..."seperated or not" Even after I moved out I did not date for well over a year and waited until my divorce was final b4 becoming intimate with anyone. That is just me and how I chose to respect and to follow through with my situation.

If you are no longer living together "legally seperated" and have filed for divorce, still waiting for the FINAL date..then perhaps..but to me that would still even be risky dating someone who was in that situation, you never know they may run back to them or refuse to sign papers, and then you are left with the choice of making a complicated decision...you need to make sure you KNOW EVERYTHING and every little detail..... I just wouldn't go there and avoid the whole thing.
 tonto60
Joined: 3/17/2006
Msg: 872
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Is separated single?
Posted: 8/2/2006 4:01:14 PM
just because they are seperated doesn't mean it is over and i have even know a few couples get remarried after their divorce was final so paperwork don't mean much you have to look at each case on it's own
 GentleCanuck
Joined: 7/27/2006
Msg: 873
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Is separated single?
Posted: 8/2/2006 7:43:22 PM


just because they are seperated doesn't mean it is over and i have even know a few couples get remarried after their divorce was final so paperwork don't mean much you have to look at each case on it's own


Exactly.

As for me, the relationship ends the second one party walks out the door. Not before, and not if I suspect they are still emotionally attached.

I don't believe in "I cheated on my spouse during that six month period when we were separated". My reaction to that is Huh??? How can you cheat on someone you are not in a relationship with?

To demonstrate how literally I take this...I dated a woman very seriously for three months. My intent was long term. She had several mental health issues so it was a very dramatic courtship.

Then she confesses that everything she did was a lie. She had no mental health issues (well, not the ones she previously told me she had!). Almost everything she told me was a lie. The only things I know are true are literally her name and home address and phone numbers. That's it.

She is one of those women who play with men's heads on the Internet. Really messes them up. She wanted to try it in real life, and I am the sucker who fell for it. This was in 2002, and I still have effects from it.

It was very late when she told me, so I told her I'd sleep on it. The next morning, I told her that it was over.

I escorted her to her car, and she drove away. As I walked into the house, the phone rang.

On the phone was a lover with whom an arrangement was made. If either of us were involved in a relationship, no deal. Otherwise maybe.

She asked to come over. I said, "Well, my relationship with Lee ended about two seconds ago. Sure, why not."
 Psybina
Joined: 7/27/2006
Msg: 874
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/2/2006 7:57:26 PM
Sunshine,

I would have to re-iterate what other members have posted - it all depends on the length of separation and the circumstances behind this.

I dated someone who declared himself as 'separated' for only a few months. Luckily, he and his wife had maintained an amicable relationship in that they did not require a team of lawyers to help them settle the terms (ie. division of property, visitation of child). Although I had my reservations about the situation, he had moved into his own place and only spoke to her when it concerned their child.

The relationship did not last between us, but it was not due to his previous relationship as there was never a doubt in my mind that he would reconcile with her.

Just my little contribution, for what it's worth.
 alerodriver56
Joined: 7/24/2006
Msg: 875
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/2/2006 8:11:58 PM
How could you ever expect to be taken seriously if you are "separated"? I have found that most people (both sexes) tend to live in a non committed state like that. If she/he gets bored, they could always run back to the ex... And I don't know how they ever think they can get away with "oppps it just happened one night when I stayed over for the kids". It's all a bunch of crap if you ask me. Cut the cord and get on with life I say...

Ok Ok, so in order to get divorced you have to be saparated. But if you are going to split then you have to move out and not go back, file the papers, and when it's final and you are over your emotional wreckage (again both sexes), then you can start to seek companionships. Otherwise you are only playing a sick game with the one your currently with, and causing others to become synical and non trusting to everyone else they meet. Just look around you on this site for instance. Everyone thinks everyone else is "playin" them in one way or another, or are at the least so cautious of it that they won't open up.
Divorced and widowed are single..... Separated IS NOT SINGLE!
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