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 AUTHOR
 checkin-u
Joined: 1/28/2006
Msg: 876
Is separated single?Page 36 of 37    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37)
depends on each situation individually I think...dayum isn't this thread dead yet??!!
 JohnnyPopper
Joined: 6/23/2006
Msg: 877
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/2/2006 8:21:14 PM
IF ya don't have divorce papers sayin' ya are, then you ain't single 'n are still married to them!
I wouldn't give a 2nd look to someone that's seperated anyway!
 GentleCanuck
Joined: 7/27/2006
Msg: 878
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/3/2006 9:56:32 AM
checkin-u, I just read your profile.

You are my kind of lady. Good thing you live way over there, so I can't bug you.

Love your sense of humor, your looks, everything. If there were an award for profiles, I'd give it to you.

And of course...another perfect woman who isn't looking.... *sigh*
 beachesofnc
Joined: 4/19/2006
Msg: 879
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/3/2006 10:14:52 AM
Checkin-u...I agree...I'm separated and have been for 2 years. We'll be divorced, but for financial reasons, it's best that we not do it right now. However, he lives his life in his house...and I live my life in mine. We're friendly but we're not "into" each other nor is there anything romantic between us. (There wasn't the last few years we were married...why would there be now?..lol)

For those that don't want to be involved with people who are separated, that's fine...to each his own...but ya never know what ya might be missing out on.

Now...can we end this thread and go about our separate lives?...lol
 anewlife4me
Joined: 7/14/2006
Msg: 880
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/3/2006 10:21:50 AM
My divorce is not final. The bum is trying to bleed me financially. In my eyes I'm divorced, but only because in my eyes the bum is dead...........
 mizzjulia
Joined: 7/11/2006
Msg: 881
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History
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/3/2006 10:34:21 AM
As long as the person is "seperated" I automatically back off a little... I see seperated as still working with a relationship, whether it be fixing or leaving.

About living together... I could understand why they would do that, and would try to be as supportive as possible. I can only imagine how hard it must be getting a divorce and have children involved and getting all those things straightened out.

If he was seperated and living together with his ex, I would never want to get involved! There could be too much drama in the picture!
 bigscott59
Joined: 7/5/2006
Msg: 882
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/3/2006 10:35:14 AM
come on get a life
 sunshine2tan
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 883
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/3/2006 7:37:17 PM
amen....alerodriver56....amen...but not really the popular opinion. I think what it comes down to is....whether a commitment of marriage is the goal in a relationship....no matter what age, circumstance etc. 'Dating', 'seeing', 'living with' a separated person is like the stockmarket.....it is a risk...at what level who knows...yes, it does depend on each individual circumstances....so, that said....it just depends on how lucky a person feels in the market of relationships....
 Mishka7325t5
Joined: 3/25/2006
Msg: 884
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/3/2006 7:59:33 PM
Yes it is. You're not seeing each other, living with each other , touching each other or supporting each other and not living in the same dwelling with each other and 99 percent of the time she'll already be with someone else. There may be the possibility of reconcilliation but I would think those people didn't know what they were doing to begin with and should have never separated from each other.

People are suppose to separate because they KNOW they are incompatible and can no longer live more with each other forever !!!. The Law generally makes it manditory that time pass before a Divorce may be issued just in case couples change thier mind.

I think before anyone separates they should ask themselves " Would I get divorced immediately if there were no separation time requirement ? " . If their answer is yes then they need to separate and if not then they are not sure what they want to really do yet and they should not separate.

Really I don't feel the Law should have anything to do with marriage. It should be an issue of the Church only as the concept of Marriage is a religious creation.
 sunshine2tan
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 885
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/3/2006 8:11:35 PM
I was also connected to a bum....that took me to court every year...drained me financially until I lost my house and had to declare bancruptcy.....I was separated for 2 of those years and divorced for the next 3 of them....there is no way I was going to be jumping into a 'new' relationship at that point....I did not want to burden another....I know it was my choice...but there was no way I would have wanted to involve someone else in my personal s**t.....JMHO
 Mishka7325t5
Joined: 3/25/2006
Msg: 886
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/3/2006 8:24:42 PM
I understand. I am kinda in the same boat myself in different sort of way but there is one damm thing for sure I'm done 100 percent and never going back. The day the law say I can now receive my divorce I will be outside the courthouse as early as collectors are waiting for a new Beannie baby at the Halmark Shop
 sunshine2tan
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 887
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/3/2006 8:30:39 PM
dont get me started on marriage being a church issue....they make an obscene amount of money for weddings.....again...it all depends on a persons definition of religion and its so-called creation of marriage.....
 unknown biker
Joined: 3/13/2004
Msg: 888
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History
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/3/2006 9:18:34 PM
unresolved issues does not a relationship make
 gunner1
Joined: 7/13/2006
Msg: 889
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/4/2006 4:57:28 AM
depends on your point of view i susspose if there is a chance that you could get back together then no its not
 GentleCanuck
Joined: 7/27/2006
Msg: 890
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History
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/4/2006 7:28:25 AM
Catonic, I agree completely.

I thought about separating for a year before we actually did. I told her the next day that there would be NO reconciliation.

I believe that marriage should not be a legal or government issue, Use civil unions instead. Marriage should be a religious, church or book club thing.
 sunshine_24_7
Joined: 3/4/2005
Msg: 891
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/5/2006 10:09:20 PM
My ex and I have been separated almost 18 mnths now. The only reason that we are not divorced is the fact that he is living with his current girlfriend and sees no reason to cooperate. We have gone back to court 3 times for it to be finalized and each time he has a rason for it to be delayed again. He doesn't see the kids, doesn't pay child support, and has had no contact with us over a year now. The divorce is a tool he uses to jerk us around because it still gives him a little control over us. But, the next hearing is in Sept, and I hope, pray and am keeping my fingers crossed that this is it. So, I think I am kind of in limbo. Until it is over, how can I ask anyone to be with me seriously? It would be wonderful to find someone, but I keep thinking that if it is meant to happen it will, regardless of the circumstances. I guess separated is single, depending on the situation, the person, and the story behind the length of the separation.
 blues_traveler2006
Joined: 7/16/2006
Msg: 892
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/5/2006 10:52:58 PM
"I believe that marriage should not be a legal or government issue, Use civil unions instead"

Would it make a difference what its called? After the lawyers are finished with it, its going to mean the exact same thing and be subject to the same standards and legalities.
 GentleCanuck
Joined: 7/27/2006
Msg: 893
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Is separated single?
Posted: 8/6/2006 1:01:41 AM


Would it make a difference what its called? After the lawyers are finished with it, its going to mean the exact same thing and be subject to the same standards and legalities.


I am no lawyer but if a civil union is the same as marriage, then why the huge outcry against gays marrying? Gays have had civil unions for decades.

What I mean is that there should be no such thing as marriage as we know it. The laws that apply to common-law couples would be more than adequate.

That way, couples could break up and remarry as they wished. Children and property issues are handled as they are now. In Canada, after 2 years common-law spouses have the same rights as married spouses.

I find the fact that I can get married in a few days ridiculous. Especially when it takes a minimum of one year to divorce. Looks like the law has it backwards.
 Mishka7325t5
Joined: 3/25/2006
Msg: 894
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/6/2006 1:53:36 AM
Ummm Let me make a point here. If separated isn't single then there should be no issue with bank accounts still being joint and your ex picking the kids up from school and taking them where ever they choose without your consent or knowledge or even coming to your place unannounced while your new friend is there or with their new friend just to visit. ??
 GentleCanuck
Joined: 7/27/2006
Msg: 895
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Is separated single?
Posted: 8/6/2006 9:05:49 AM


Ummm Let me make a point here. If separated isn't single then there should be no issue with bank accounts still being joint and your ex picking the kids up from school and taking them where ever they choose without your consent or knowledge or even coming to your place unannounced while your new friend is there or with their new friend just to visit. ??


Good points.

The first thing I did when we separated was to untie myself from her financially. I don't think we had a joint bank account because two people using the same bank account is a nightmare. Got that teeshirt and tore it to shreds long ago.

Let her keep the house key so she could visit the kids. Then she read my emails, so I took the house key back.

An aside: Windows 95 is so easy to hack, even she could do it. All she had to do at the login screen was click Cancel. Windows 95 then uses the default account. Since there was only one account, mine, it defaulted to mine. No wonder everyone thinks Microsoft security is a joke.

As far as new friends, no problem. She introduced me to her boyfriend who is a former model, a singer and a chef.

She didn't want to meet my new friend though.

As far as picking the kids up from school, she moved to Sweden so that is not a problem.
 Nvrgiveup
Joined: 6/4/2006
Msg: 896
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/6/2006 11:46:48 AM
I have been seperated for 7 years now. Not a chance in HELL of a reconsiliation! Why not divorced? Because I was using him for healthcare coverage to be honest. I had none and he had not taken me off his. This was the ONLY thing I got when I left, no support, NOTHING. Now he doesn't even have that. He changed employers.

In 7 years I have spoken to him twice - both times I initiated the contact over our youngest son. His side of the conversation started out with "what the f**k do you want". He was abusive in the relationship and continues to be so even though it has ended. He continues to blame me for everything - even his drinking and he has been to rehab!

He is now living with someone - poor woman!

As for not being divorced at this point - I don't give a crap! He is still bitter and has made it clear through the grapevine that he will make it very difficult for me should I attempt to divorce him. Soooooo, I have no reason to divorce at this time - not like I want to get married or anything. I'll let him take the initiative. Just to make my life easier! The minute I get papers from him, it's all over. I'm not making contact!

You have to take each situation as it comes. I wouldn't date anyone who is still living in the same house and claiming they are seperated. I also would have to think very hard about someone who has been seperated for less than a year.
 beachbounddee
Joined: 7/3/2006
Msg: 897
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Is separated single?
Posted: 8/6/2006 1:08:25 PM
It's just not worth the risk.........In my situation his family introduced me to him when his wife left him for the 3rd time. Without a doubt, the love of my life. When she met me, she begged him back and he went. He has great family values which is one of the traits I loved about him. The risk for me was just way tooo great!
 classact504
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 898
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/6/2006 1:22:20 PM
Is separated was single you wouldn't need a divorce.
 blues_traveler2006
Joined: 7/16/2006
Msg: 899
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/6/2006 1:38:23 PM
"Is separated was single you wouldn't need a divorce"

There it is right there in a nutshell. It can be sliced and diced but thats the truth.

A single person can legally marry anyone whom they desire to marry. A seperated person can't.

Whether you call it semantics or a formality or a worthless legality does'nt matter. It is what it is and what is...is

My take is that a seperated person has the right to date other people, they have the right to have sex with other people, they have the right to live their life as they see fit. They can do whatever they choose that fits within their own personal moral standards. Makes no difference what I say or think.

The one thing that they can't do though is say that they are'nt married.
 Hello Kitty aka HK
Joined: 6/21/2005
Msg: 900
Is separated single?
Posted: 8/6/2006 2:43:08 PM
Hummmmm separated is still married.

I would take the chance to date a separated man If I felt confident the separation was final, he has his own place, has somewhat dealt with emotional issues; he was ready to move forward and not backwards. Refers to her as the EX not the wife.

As well as if I felt confident that the paperwork is proceeding and there are no loose ends except for the final divorce papers. I wouldn't feel any guilt whatsoever that I was helping him cheat on his wife. I would expect that a separated person wouldn't want to jump right in asap to another relationship so I would assume he has given himself time before offering himself to someone else like myself.

Separation is a tough issue to deal with for all parties involved and would depend on each individual situation, however being separated is still married.
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