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 goodguy4uladies
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 202
Is separated single?Page 4 of 37    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37)
The peice of paper don't mean they're together and it don't mean their apart.

A married couple going through a divorce has as much a chance of reconcilation as an already legally divorced couple who remain close. Paper or no paper it would depend on the individual.
 delytful
Joined: 11/8/2005
Msg: 203
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/15/2006 8:01:18 AM
Married people are married until the divorce is final.
 diggydiggy
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 207
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/15/2006 8:56:09 AM
In many cases, married is single.

This is a very individual question. I was "more" involved in a relationship with someone I wasn't married to than I was in marriage - SO, I believe it is based on the state of mind.

I was separated for a year and a half and fell in love during that time, so I certainly "felt" single. There had been counseling, there was no possibility of reunion, so effectively, for all practical purposes, I was single.

Apparently he was as well, as he started with a new baby and all of that....
 DanBuddy
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 210
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/16/2006 10:01:41 PM
There are really two questions here.

1.) Q: Is separated single?
A: Is wet dry? Is Night day? Is alive dead? Is short tall? I could go on and on here, but-- case closed.

2.) Q: How should I live my life?
A: That's up to you.


Three times I've dated women who said they were divorced. Things seem to be going well, then one day: "I need to talk to my lawyer." (Flashing lights, sirens) Oh, really? Did you rob a bank? (Then the true facts (as opposed to alleged)) I've gotta setle my divorce. Oh. Good luck, good-bye.

In retrospect I suppose it was the deception that flamed my ire. I was not able to choose the type of relationship that I cherish. 'Loaded dice the whole time.
 Libertine154
Joined: 12/7/2005
Msg: 212
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 10:05:57 AM
HI Sienna,

I have had personal experience with dating a long time separated man. I did know when we met that he was separated, only he led me to believe that divorce was iminent. Ha! I found out 3 months into the relationship that he had actually been separated for 8+ years and had seen an attorney once. Stupidly, I was convinced he would get a divorce before long. The upshot is I invested 2 years of my life in a dead end relationship. But, at least I didnt end up like his latest g/f...pregnant! :)
 lavernegirl
Joined: 3/25/2006
Msg: 213
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 10:19:34 AM
i'm recently separated, almost 4 months now and no i'm not on the rebound. yes i've worked on the issues that led to the separation, he was too controlling and verbally abusive, and there's no chance of reconciliation.
 Eva Riedy
Joined: 3/19/2006
Msg: 217
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 11:02:47 AM
If you're separated, you can believe whatever you like for example believing that you're single, however when you're trying to get involved with another person you should be truthful. I've had men tell me they're separated and then later said it was an emotional separation. WTF?? all the while they're still married and not even legally separated.
 thai_paradise
Joined: 2/2/2006
Msg: 219
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 11:12:02 AM
doublepost oops
 thai_paradise
Joined: 2/2/2006
Msg: 220
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 11:12:46 AM
^ ^ ^ ^ I agree. regardless, separated is NOT single. Period.
 bleueyegurl
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 223
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 12:23:12 PM
I dont believe it is wrong to date while u are seperated....
Im kinda in that boat just waiting for the paper work...I filed for divorce last OCT but in the state ofMichigan there is a 6 mo waiting period for a divorce to be final with kids....So should i sit around and be miserable because im just waiting on legalities????
Well im not thats for sure, if it wasnt over i would have never filed for divorce....Over is Over So im moving on in a new direction the sooner the better.....

Bleueyegurl
 checkin-u
Joined: 1/28/2006
Msg: 224
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 12:34:59 PM
seperated since July, officially in Aug so yeah its been 8 months and I'm not going back. I actually thought it would all be over by now but Im divorcing a scoundrel so it's dragging.
I dont see what the big deal is with dating a separated person unless that person isn't sure if it's really over or not, has unresolved issues and feelings. If it's over it's over....and why not date and have fun???
 deetoyou
Joined: 2/16/2006
Msg: 225
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 1:40:38 PM
Bandito, you make a valid point for those of us not familiar with Canadian law or the commonwealth for that matter. There is no time limit for separation in the states......... no cooling off period so to speak. Other countries do have specific laws governing when divorce may be filed.
 Bandito
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 226
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 3:30:48 PM
Well thank you deetoyou I know the required seperation period in the US varied from state to state from 0 months up to 6 months for some states.

@checkin-u, that was my feeling exactly. If you are stuck in the divorced process but not officially finished it yet because of what ever reason, why should you be discriminated against or deny yourself from going out and making new friends or dating for that matter.

I see/hear from people posting here that you can get burned. Well that is the case with anyone regardless of the fact they are not "un-married" at the time you meet them.

It does seem however that the cheaters seem to like to call themselves "seperated" even though they are still married and living with their wives. Well they are not even seperated so I hardly see how that counts.

Bandito

 checkin-u
Joined: 1/28/2006
Msg: 228
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 3:36:06 PM
^^^ "It does seem however that the cheaters seem to like to call themselves "seperated" even though they are still married and living with their wives. Well they are not even seperated so I hardly see how that counts.

Bandito"

and that my friend is EXACTLY why I filed...
among other things and we have not lived together since.
 checkin-u
Joined: 1/28/2006
Msg: 230
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 3:41:01 PM
well, I understand that. I guess you'd have to really ask for specifics.
 Bandito
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 231
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 3:54:44 PM
^^^That was my point some pages back that in reality you have to ask some smart questions. You have to really ask them regardless of what is posted in people's profiles.

I trust no one is truely single until I have been in their place and not seen any specific signs of a male living there like a toilet seat being left up, or Jock Rought Remover in the medicine cabinet or jockey/boxer gotcha's being left on the bedroom floor or the TV channel being left on ESPN/TSN
 Bandito
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 233
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 4:53:23 PM
^^^denimandlace46, that just proves you are a goddess worthy of any man's affection
 LossMyMarbles
Joined: 3/18/2006
Msg: 236
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 7:38:47 PM
Yes, if you are living a separate life from that of your spouse.

It really is such a touch and go situation. Everyone's situation is different. I'm sorry for those who were lied to or hurt by people who weren't really separated or emotionally unconnected to their spouse enough to be dating.

Honesty is so important if you are dating some one who is separated or you yourself are separated. You really have to get to the bottom of things before you get involved. Tons of questions to be asked and answered.

Don't judge some one who is separated and dating or dating some one who is.........some day you may find yourself in the same sticky mud puddle and you'll see how being REALLY separated is no different from being single. It sucks.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 237
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 8:02:06 PM
I will never date a separated (not single) man. I will not get involved in the drama of that lifestyle. People need time after divorced to learn (and heal) who they are as a single person.
I have been single for several years now. I can't believe the difference in how I have change since I was married. Those growth years (not being involved with anyone) where invalueable in becoming the person I am today. Knowing that you can handle anything life throws at you as an independant person is an amazing thing.
 LossMyMarbles
Joined: 3/18/2006
Msg: 239
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/28/2006 12:02:05 AM
Nah, the only thing on my list left to do is change a tire.......other than that, I can take care of myself.
 johnnyboy:down not out!
Joined: 3/24/2006
Msg: 240
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/28/2006 1:00:45 AM
no it's married and seperated. you're single when you divorce...
 checkin-u
Joined: 1/28/2006
Msg: 241
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/28/2006 3:35:11 AM
can do alot on my own, ex was in the army for a good chunk of our marriage so I had to. Sure there are still things I don't do..like change the oil....*shrug*..19.95 at speedy lube
Why is it that a piece of paper can 'define' whether or not you're emotionally ready to date. I'm sure a lot of people need time to figure out who they are or what they want or time to heal. Ive been doing a lot of soul searching for years. Just finally realized what I had to do....

I think it's more of an individual issue anyway.
 rainskiss
Joined: 3/5/2006
Msg: 242
Is seperated single?
Posted: 3/28/2006 4:44:57 AM
Seperated more then 6 months is single.
If your relationship/marriage is bad enough you've had to seperate, then something somewhere has died, and granted there is a few exceptions to the rule but its safe to say, its pretty much over. Sometimes for couples its harder to let go of the familiar even if its fighting and misery then to step into the unknown. You can't bring back whats dead, you can try and make each other miserable in the process, but it generally don't happen.
So yes, if they are seperated 6 months or more, not in marriage counciling, then yes I will date them and be open to more.
Bridgette
 thai_paradise
Joined: 2/2/2006
Msg: 243
Is seperated single?
Posted: 3/28/2006 5:54:23 AM
Really, I agree about divorce being similar to being single. It's amusing how some peole try to rationalize cheating by saying they're separated. This applies to men who say they're 'emotionally separated' or 'we don't do it anymore' or 'we're not sleeping in the same bed'...I mean who cares, you're still entangled with your significant other. Being separated doesn't even come close to being single unless it's a legal separation and you're going through the divorce proceedings and not turning back.



no it's married and seperated.

you're single when you divorce...
 p0340tom
Joined: 2/12/2006
Msg: 245
Is seperated single?
Posted: 3/28/2006 6:02:42 AM
NO!!!!!

How long, after divorce, do you wait before you start calling yourself single again?
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