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 ItsMeDoggie
Joined: 8/24/2005
Msg: 188
Is separated single?Page 4 of 37    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37)
i was separated from my x for 3 years before i had the money to start the divorce.i was in no way going to even entertain the thought of dating until the whole deal was over. if the person ius just separted,that means that there is still another person envolved...
 nasajack2003
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 190
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/12/2006 5:07:00 PM
In some states, separate(d) (ion) is viewed, and legally worded, as being 'single'. Stated in the petitions for divorce it will legally show separated parties can carry on as if they were single without interference from the other party, i.e., Florida and North Carolina. These two states recognize single conditions (at the time I divorced in NC in 1993, this was the case, and currently going through in FL) while divorce proceedings are ongoing. Even the wording and status can change from county to county within your own state! I'm going through that phase of 'time' which all it is to me is just that, TIME! You wait until the lawyers and courts tell you when the word 'divorced' can be officially used. Until that time, there are laws that allow you to live as a single person. I've been in this limbo status for over a year. The main house is for sale, and I currently live in another house bought in the past year on the eastern side of the state. There are no visits, midnight rendevous, or secret meetings with the soon-to-be-ex living on the western side of the state. I'm on POF, she is on eHarmony. So, have I moved on? Hell YES!

If all you know are the laws of your state, then of course there will be some doubt about another person's situation from across your own borders, making your decision to date someone 'separated' somewhat difficult morally and/or mentally. INDIGO ROSE is right...know what is being said, or legally worded, in your own state as well as the state of the other person. It could prove that being short minded might end up costing another chance at happiness.

In no way will the word 'separated' hinder my decision to move forward in my life while someone else (lawyers, courts, documents) decides for me when and where and how I conduct myself. If you (3rd person) can't handle the word 'separated', obviously its your ultimate decision. But to banish, condemn, or scoof at another person's status, lawfully different from your own, than you may be losing a chance to actually move ahead with someone you happen to like or vice versa.
 molonel
Joined: 12/20/2005
Msg: 193
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/12/2006 5:46:52 PM
Lots of opinions, lots of different circumstances. Being "separated" is the gray area between "married" and "single." No, it is not the same thing as being single. For some people, it's pretty damn close. The caution - and probably a large portion of the venom - toward people who try to date while separated comes from the fact that some people claim to be separated when they are not, or when they are simply going to get back with the ex and just sipping some nookie on the side. The waters are further muddied by the differentiation between "separated" and "legally separated."

To answer the original question, I have dated women who were separated legally, and women who were separated but had not declared so legally. I am leery of this, however, and I need to have a strong sense of that person being separated and genuinely headed toward divorce before I would consider getting involved.

Having been divorced, myself, I am somewhat sceptical of the claims of finances being the only reason someone is not divorced. Divorce paperwork does not require a lawyer in the United States. I filed a copetitioner's divorce in the state of Oregon. No lawyer was involved on either side. We paid a mediator $350, and beyond that, split the cost of the filing between the two of us. All told, it cost maybe $200 apiece for both of us.

That's a small price to pay for getting on with my life.
 blondago56
Joined: 8/21/2004
Msg: 195
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History
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/12/2006 9:59:46 PM
nope.... Married - living together = separated.... ( i would want to be a man's 'first' date/partner after his DIVORCE, anyway...) ohwell, Hugs to all...
 Talitha001
Joined: 6/17/2005
Msg: 196
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History
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/12/2006 10:01:34 PM
Vorax...No offense but I wouldn`t get involved with a man who paid `alimony`...WTF??? She can`t support herself??? Child support I understand...but alimony I don`t understand!! Just my honest opinion!!
 blondago56
Joined: 8/21/2004
Msg: 197
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History
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/12/2006 10:01:57 PM
big OOPS! ^^^^ "WOULDN'T" want to...........
 goodguy4uladies
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 202
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/15/2006 7:40:52 AM
The peice of paper don't mean they're together and it don't mean their apart.

A married couple going through a divorce has as much a chance of reconcilation as an already legally divorced couple who remain close. Paper or no paper it would depend on the individual.
 delytful
Joined: 11/8/2005
Msg: 203
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/15/2006 8:01:18 AM
Married people are married until the divorce is final.
 diggydiggy
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 207
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/15/2006 8:56:09 AM
In many cases, married is single.

This is a very individual question. I was "more" involved in a relationship with someone I wasn't married to than I was in marriage - SO, I believe it is based on the state of mind.

I was separated for a year and a half and fell in love during that time, so I certainly "felt" single. There had been counseling, there was no possibility of reunion, so effectively, for all practical purposes, I was single.

Apparently he was as well, as he started with a new baby and all of that....
 DanBuddy
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 210
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/16/2006 10:01:41 PM
There are really two questions here.

1.) Q: Is separated single?
A: Is wet dry? Is Night day? Is alive dead? Is short tall? I could go on and on here, but-- case closed.

2.) Q: How should I live my life?
A: That's up to you.


Three times I've dated women who said they were divorced. Things seem to be going well, then one day: "I need to talk to my lawyer." (Flashing lights, sirens) Oh, really? Did you rob a bank? (Then the true facts (as opposed to alleged)) I've gotta setle my divorce. Oh. Good luck, good-bye.

In retrospect I suppose it was the deception that flamed my ire. I was not able to choose the type of relationship that I cherish. 'Loaded dice the whole time.
 Libertine154
Joined: 12/7/2005
Msg: 212
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 10:05:57 AM
HI Sienna,

I have had personal experience with dating a long time separated man. I did know when we met that he was separated, only he led me to believe that divorce was iminent. Ha! I found out 3 months into the relationship that he had actually been separated for 8+ years and had seen an attorney once. Stupidly, I was convinced he would get a divorce before long. The upshot is I invested 2 years of my life in a dead end relationship. But, at least I didnt end up like his latest g/f...pregnant! :)
 lavernegirl
Joined: 3/25/2006
Msg: 213
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 10:19:34 AM
i'm recently separated, almost 4 months now and no i'm not on the rebound. yes i've worked on the issues that led to the separation, he was too controlling and verbally abusive, and there's no chance of reconciliation.
 PrettyWoman1952
Joined: 3/2/2006
Msg: 214
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History
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 10:47:06 AM
Absolutely "separated" is still married. I won't even chat in a chatroom with anyone that isn't single, widowed, or legally divorced. When a relationship is over, it's over - get a divorce!
 Eva Riedy
Joined: 3/19/2006
Msg: 217
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 11:02:47 AM
If you're separated, you can believe whatever you like for example believing that you're single, however when you're trying to get involved with another person you should be truthful. I've had men tell me they're separated and then later said it was an emotional separation. WTF?? all the while they're still married and not even legally separated.
 thai_paradise
Joined: 2/2/2006
Msg: 219
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 11:12:02 AM
doublepost oops
 thai_paradise
Joined: 2/2/2006
Msg: 220
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 11:12:46 AM
^ ^ ^ ^ I agree. regardless, separated is NOT single. Period.
 bleueyegurl
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 223
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 12:23:12 PM
I dont believe it is wrong to date while u are seperated....
Im kinda in that boat just waiting for the paper work...I filed for divorce last OCT but in the state ofMichigan there is a 6 mo waiting period for a divorce to be final with kids....So should i sit around and be miserable because im just waiting on legalities????
Well im not thats for sure, if it wasnt over i would have never filed for divorce....Over is Over So im moving on in a new direction the sooner the better.....

Bleueyegurl
 checkin-u
Joined: 1/28/2006
Msg: 224
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 12:34:59 PM
seperated since July, officially in Aug so yeah its been 8 months and I'm not going back. I actually thought it would all be over by now but Im divorcing a scoundrel so it's dragging.
I dont see what the big deal is with dating a separated person unless that person isn't sure if it's really over or not, has unresolved issues and feelings. If it's over it's over....and why not date and have fun???
 deetoyou
Joined: 2/16/2006
Msg: 225
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 1:40:38 PM
Bandito, you make a valid point for those of us not familiar with Canadian law or the commonwealth for that matter. There is no time limit for separation in the states......... no cooling off period so to speak. Other countries do have specific laws governing when divorce may be filed.
 Bandito
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 226
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 3:30:48 PM
Well thank you deetoyou I know the required seperation period in the US varied from state to state from 0 months up to 6 months for some states.

@checkin-u, that was my feeling exactly. If you are stuck in the divorced process but not officially finished it yet because of what ever reason, why should you be discriminated against or deny yourself from going out and making new friends or dating for that matter.

I see/hear from people posting here that you can get burned. Well that is the case with anyone regardless of the fact they are not "un-married" at the time you meet them.

It does seem however that the cheaters seem to like to call themselves "seperated" even though they are still married and living with their wives. Well they are not even seperated so I hardly see how that counts.

Bandito

 LFF001
Joined: 11/11/2005
Msg: 227
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History
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 3:34:28 PM
I've met so many guys that were separated (and some still living with their 'ex'). When I asked why, I was given all these 'wonderful' excuses, but I just don't buy them. In my opinion, a person is not single unless they are divorced and living apart from their ex.

I'm sure there are some cases where it's beneficial for a couple to have a relationship like you described. I would just have to wonder where I fit into the equation and how it would affect my relationship with the guy.
 checkin-u
Joined: 1/28/2006
Msg: 228
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 3:36:06 PM
^^^ "It does seem however that the cheaters seem to like to call themselves "seperated" even though they are still married and living with their wives. Well they are not even seperated so I hardly see how that counts.

Bandito"

and that my friend is EXACTLY why I filed...
among other things and we have not lived together since.
 buccaneer38
Joined: 9/15/2005
Msg: 229
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 3:39:08 PM
I think if a person has in their profile that they are "separated"............what that means to me is that her husband may be waiting for you with a shotgun when you bring her home from your date, so she better be an extra extra extra special woman for me to risk my life for her. Tracy

P.S. I would much rather have a woman that is single, divorced, or widowed........alot less chance of getting a bullet in my ear.
 checkin-u
Joined: 1/28/2006
Msg: 230
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 3:41:01 PM
well, I understand that. I guess you'd have to really ask for specifics.
 Bandito
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 231
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 3:54:44 PM
^^^That was my point some pages back that in reality you have to ask some smart questions. You have to really ask them regardless of what is posted in people's profiles.

I trust no one is truely single until I have been in their place and not seen any specific signs of a male living there like a toilet seat being left up, or Jock Rought Remover in the medicine cabinet or jockey/boxer gotcha's being left on the bedroom floor or the TV channel being left on ESPN/TSN
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