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Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 101
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onehelluvawoman thank you for your support

At least you understood that my point is that it is wrong to blindly label and judge people just because of a marital transitional status. There are people that choose to do this and that is their right however, that doesn't make their behavior right either. Racist and bigots follow the same argument in defending their right to discriminate based on colour, race, sex and sexual preference. There is no winning the argument.

I would be the last one to say a seperated person is single, I wouldn't even say that for someone that is divorced. In fact once you marry, in terms of the law, you never go back being single again....kind of like being a virgin, you can only be it once.

I only am here to make a point trying to get people to be compassionate, understanding and tolerent of other peoples life situations be it if they were married/seperated. abled/disabled, heavy/thin, gay/bi/straight, rich/poor...etc. Seems that some people in their haste to remove themselves of past ghosts sometimes forget where the real deamons are. Thats a real shame.

Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 102
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/4/2006 2:58:18 PM
I chatted with a fella that was "separated" but living in the family home...he was going to be sharing in a cosy family dinner with kids and wife...he is just now moving to another location.....when I left my husband.....I did not care whether I was separated or divorced at that teen kids relocated at the time.....he was wanting a legal divorce cuz he had prospect number 2 panting....I did not date during that period.....and did not for awhile after that because my kids were of the age of great friendships and their friends lived at our they are settled....well now a few like 4
Joined: 2/16/2006
Msg: 103
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/4/2006 3:25:51 PM

I appreciate the time and thought you put into explaining your situation.

I'm just curious though - why didn't you indicate your marital status as separated if you admittedly are? Don't you think that by putting up "dating" that you're giving a somewhat false impression of your marital status right off the bat? It seems a little dishonest to me.
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 104
view profile
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/4/2006 4:00:55 PM
Hi Sienna~

No I don't think it is necessary to disclose ALL personal information to a public dating site. If anyone would like to take the time to ask, I am always happy to explain my circumstances or position with COMPLETE honesty. I do not include info in my profile about many areas of my life, as I feel my business is my own. If there is a contact initiated that I feel is worth replying to, I am more than happy and willing to elaborate on any areas of "Concern".

The facts are..."Dating" is completely accurate to my situation. There is no dishonesty in that category. It does not imply my marital status in any way.

I am on another dating site as well, and "Dating" was not a written option, so of course I used "Separated." And as I mentioned in my prior post, I have never corresponded with a single man who has an issue with that. Perhaps that is paritally due to my candid honesty about my situation.

I do however, feel it is innapropriate to disclose a plethora of personal information on a dating profile to millions of people. Keeping things somewhat vague initially works best for me. I also never include details about my children or other personal aspects of my life.

I, and all who are aquainted with me would consider myself one of the most honest people they know. I feel it is more fair on a topic that is apparently quite controversial to have an opportunity to explain a variance from the "Norm" than simply have people preconceive their own ideas. Yes, I am separated, I do not consider myself "Single" in the sense I HAVE been married. I am in the process of a divorce, therefore, I am "Dating." After over 3 years of being OUT of a marriage bond, it goes beyond is OVER :o)

Take care~
Joined: 3/2/2006
Msg: 105
view profile
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/4/2006 4:35:57 PM
 smile with your eyes
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 106
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/4/2006 5:56:10 PM
Ok not to be a thorn in the ass of this thread...but here's a question to those of you still married...but living apart.

Let's say for arguments sake..your a fit of insanity goes in to deep financial debt..and walks outside one day only to be hit by a bus. Who, may I ask, do you think is going to be stuck with that debt? YOU ARE! Come on. You are doing this for admirable reasons..sure..however..there will come a time when you or they die..and you will have no way to fix what they have done...god forbid they do something wrong.

Now before you say...But so and so would never do it...I just want to know what you would do IF it happened? Ok...carry on.
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 107
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/4/2006 6:21:05 PM
Separated even legally separated is it's own status. And it's not single, I don't know how the laws are outside the States, if I'm wrong on that point, fine. I was separated for a year and a half and I considered myself married, even though we lived hundreds of miles apart. It's just my own personal preference that I never dated anyone separated. There are cases like bandito's and others that are a bit different. As I understand Canadian law, and I don't know it WELL, but I believe the length of their divorce process is much longer than the States. And bandito IS a good friend and an exception in many ways. If I had a suitable friend, I'd wouldn't hesitate to introduce them. Of course MOST of my friends live in the States. Back to topic, it's all about preferences again and what you're comfortable with. At the same time, it helps to be somewhat open minded to a situation that could be different. Being rigid about things only limits your opportunities.
Joined: 7/31/2005
Msg: 108
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/4/2006 6:39:35 PM
@ Bandito - anytime Bandito....I think you make a lot of sense and we share much of the same have a very healthy overall look on life and how it should be...shame more aren't the same.

you rock sister!! takes one hell of an awesome woman to come in to a forum area and post on such a controversial, seems, topic...and share so much in an effort to try and help other see the flipside of the coin. I also agree with you on how you reacted to Sienna's remark about a "false impression", by telling it like it is....And I may add...that I, like you, have had no one "hold it" against me for saying Im separated. I have many ask...I tell them the situation...and that's the end of it. Heck..if someone ever did hold it against me, I wouldn't want to be with them!

@Sienna - for crying to pete...Sienna I keep trying to respect that you have a different point of view...and that you have that right...but really...what the heck were you trying to prove when you made that comment to rockdotcomchic???? So what if she has dating up there instead of separated...were you trying to undermine her after she sat here and poured out a good portion of what happened in her a difficult time? Perhaps that wasnt your intention....but sure came out that way.

@bucsgirl - liked your post...honest...encouraging and open minded :)

Hehe....sorry folks..I tried to stay away again...but got drawwwwwwwn back in ;)
Joined: 6/11/2005
Msg: 109
Is separated single? Room for an argument????
Posted: 3/4/2006 6:44:25 PM
M: Ah. I'd like to have an argument, please.
R: Certainly sir. Have you been here before?
M: No, I haven't, this is my first time.
R: I see. Well, do you want to have just one argument, or were you thinking of taking a course?
M: Well, what is the cost?
R: Well, It's one pound for a five minute argument, but only eight pounds for a course of ten.
M: Well, I think it would be best if I perhaps started off with just the one and then see how it goes.
R: Fine. Well, I'll see who's free at the moment.
R: Mr. DeBakey's free, but he's a little bit conciliatory.
Ahh yes, Try Mr. Barnard; room 12.
M: Thank you.

(Walks down the hall. Opens door.)

M: Well, I was told outside that...
Q: Don't give me that, you snotty-faced heap of parrot droppings!
M: What?
Q: Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your type really makes me puke, you vacuous, coffee-nosed, maloderous, pervert!!!
M: Look, I CAME HERE FOR AN ARGUMENT, I'm not going to just stand...!!
Q: OH, oh I'm sorry, but this is abuse.
M: Oh, I see, well, that explains it.
Q: Ah yes, you want room 12A, Just along the corridor.
M: Oh, Thank you very much. Sorry.
Q: Not at all.
M: Thank You.
(Under his breath) Stupid git!!

(Walk down the corridor)
M: (Knock)
A: Come in.
M: Ah, Is this the right room for an argument?
A: I told you once.
M: No you haven't.
A: Yes I have.
M: When?
A: Just now.
M: No you didn't.
A: Yes I did.
M: You didn't
A: I did!
M: You didn't!
A: I'm telling you I did!
M: You did not!!
A: Oh, I'm sorry, just one moment. Is this a five minute argument or the full half hour?
M: Oh, just the five minutes.
A: Ah, thank you. Anyway, I did.
M: You most certainly did not.
A: Look, let's get this thing clear; I quite definitely told you.
M: No you did not.
A: Yes I did.
M: No you didn't.
A: Yes I did.
M: No you didn't.
A: Yes I did.
M: No you didn't.
A: Yes I did.
M: You didn't.
A: Did.
M: Oh look, this isn't an argument.
A: Yes it is.
M: No it isn't. It's just contradiction.
A: No it isn't.
M: It is!
A: It is not.
M: Look, you just contradicted me.
A: I did not.
M: Oh you did!!
A: No, no, no.
M: You did just then.
A: Nonsense!
M: Oh, this is futile!
A: No it isn't.
M: I came here for a good argument.
A: No you didn't; no, you came here for an argument.
M: An argument isn't just contradiction.
A: It can be.
M: No it can't. An argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a proposition.
A: No it isn't.
M: Yes it is! It's not just contradiction.
A: Look, if I argue with you, I must take up a contrary position.
M: Yes, but that's not just saying 'No it isn't.'
A: Yes it is!
M: No it isn't!

A: Yes it is!
M: Argument is an intellectual process. Contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of any statement the other person makes.
(short pause)
A: No it isn't.
M: It is.
A: Not at all.
M: Now look.
A: (Rings bell) Good Morning.
M: What?
A: That's it. Good morning.
M: I was just getting interested.
A: Sorry, the five minutes is up.
M: That was never five minutes!
A: I'm afraid it was.
M: It wasn't.
A: I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to argue anymore.
M: What?!
A: If you want me to go on arguing, you'll have to pay for another five minutes.
M: Yes, but that was never five minutes, just now. Oh come on!
A: (Hums)
M: Look, this is ridiculous.
A: I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid!
M: Oh, all right.
(pays money)
A: Thank you.
short pause
M: Well?
A: Well what?
M: That wasn't really five minutes, just now.
A: I told you, I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid.
M: I just paid!
A: No you didn't.
A: No you didn't.
M: Look, I don't want to argue about that.
A: Well, you didn't pay.
M: Aha. If I didn't pay, why are you arguing? I Got you!
A: No you haven't.
M: Yes I have. If you're arguing, I must have paid.
A: Not necessarily. I could be arguing in my spare time.
M: Oh I've had enough of this.
A: No you haven't.
M: Oh Shut up.
Joined: 7/31/2005
Msg: 110
Is separated single? Room for an argument????
Posted: 3/4/2006 6:48:58 PM
LMAO.....great way to break things up a little there worstguyonhere!!!!
Joined: 10/18/2004
Msg: 111
Is separated single? Room for an argument????
Posted: 3/4/2006 6:53:31 PM

I LOVE that
Too Cool
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 112
Is separated single? Room for an argument????
Posted: 3/4/2006 6:55:18 PM
I was the "leaver" and never go was an awful time in my life and even though it was over 10 years ago....does bring tears to my eyes, because of the trauma that I felt happened to the kids. But, they tell me, often, that it was the best thing for all of us. OK....I was only separated all those years ago and never dated. My kids were definitely older at that point but my concern was their adaption to the circumstances. And, now, they are 100% behind me in finding happiness. Am not sure if it is here but I am having fun with the forums for sure
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 113
Is separated single? Room for an argument????
Posted: 3/4/2006 7:26:44 PM
awww@bucsgirl, what a wonderful thing to say Canadian law is that you must be seperated 1 year before filing for divorce. A uncontested divorce takes about 3 months to process so all in total I have another 6 months to go before the final divorce decree is granted.

I am legally seperated from my ex. That means I am no longer responsible for any debt that my former wife creates after the date of the legal seperation. Of course I am still on the hook for any debt prior to this and fortunately there is none to worry about.

Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 114
Is separated single? Room for an argument????
Posted: 3/4/2006 7:32:35 PM
Uncontest uncontest uncontest.....then meet all those ladies in the same circumstanses
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 115
Is separated single? Room for an argument????
Posted: 3/4/2006 7:36:14 PM
bandito My good friend, you are an exception in so many ways. And God bless the lucky woman that you find who is your match and is worthy of you.
Florida law is different. No required time of separation, we had one hearing in the judge's chambers, a final decree of dissolution. Whole process less than 4 months. From his first letter, me filing...and with 4 children no less. If I remember correctly the hearing was done and over in 45 minutes.
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 116
view profile
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/4/2006 7:53:31 PM
Hold up guys and girls, this is real near and dear to my heart. I have been "legally seperated" for 10 months, eligable for divorce in two months, if the courts are running on schedule. Let's not forget in SC to get divorced, you have to be "legally seperated" 1 year. My lawyer wouldn't even hear of me leaving my husband/home until an agreement was on paper, which protected both my husband and I. Everything in my case has been decided and approved by the court, which free's up both of us, to live our lives, dating, etc. In this state if you just seperate/move out, etc., without the legal backing, you are screwing yourself! So much as look at someone else, and see how fast your significant other can come after you. As hard as it was to fork over the money, the "legally" has allowed me [and the ex]to get on with my/our life.

In the long run, it's only "terminology", if someone lies about it!!! I've talked to men, that have told me they are divorced and/or seperated many years, only to have them hang up on me, while on the telephone, when the wife enters the room. Honestly, it makes me sick!
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 117
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/4/2006 11:59:52 PM
Here's some new threads I'd like to start:

Five year relationships. Danger?
A girl I like has had three relationships, each lasting five years. Can this be my til-death-do-us-part love? I think she's proven herself to be unstable in relationships and will trade me in for a new man before I trade in my new car. I'm never going to date someone unless they've been in a relationship for at least fifteen years. Then they will have proven an ability to get through thick AND thin.

Women who haven't had children. Danger?
A girl I like has no kids. How can someone who has lived such an unencumbered life ever be prepared to deal with my obligations as a father? All these years of me, me, me and free to leave whenever she wants. Would she end up leaving me because I wouldn't spend money on annual trips to Maui so I can pay for my son's college tuition?
As a father with dependent kids, I'd never try for an LTR with someone who hasn't had kids. So ladies, if you want to be with me, go have a baby and see me in a couple of years when you've learned to care for other besides yourself.

Widows. Hopelessly damaged?
I had lunch with a woman whose husband had passed away ten years ago. She sounded like she still loved him. How could I ever compete with an idealized memory of the first man she loved. I'd never date a widow.

Damn, there's only three left on my favourites list. And they're all a little chunky (even though they say,"average". Come on girls, if you have clothes in the closet you don't fit in anymore, that's "a few extra pounds.") I'd never date anyone overweight because that's a sign of a weak will and lack of self-esteem.

Hmmmm. Maybe I'll just take the dog for a walk. I hate it that dogs crap in the yard, then walk in it and track it into the house. I think I'll get rid of the dog.

Hey, Bandito. You seem like a nice guy. Wanna catch that Neil Young movie with me? You're kinda cute! You aren't allergic to cats, are you?

What else can I add. I'll throw out some numbers for Sienna so she doesn't feel neglected:
real estate fees on house, at last April's value: $17,000
3 month interest penalty for breaking the mortgage: $5,000
CMHC high-ratio mortgage premium on $200,000 townhouse $4,000
Difference between appreciation of house and condo in a year: $30,000

That'll buy a lot of college tuition. That'll buy a lot of patience. Or it'll buy one contested divorce.

DIY divorce kits? If you don't have a lawyer look at it in the end, they can claim not to have been fullly informed and the agreement is invalid.

I'm not in a great panic to get a live-in lover. Or any lover, for that matter. Many friends, male and female, think I should be welcoming the chance to sow my wild oats. That's what's called a player here, isn't it? Its not a good thing. I'll pass.

Come May, I'll be whittling through a list of twenty or thirty that fit my criteria. If ten agree to see me, I like three, and one of those likes me, I'm good for the rest of my life, with luck and work. If the one isn't there, I'll have to broaden my search criteria or wait til a few get their babies produced and come back with more empathy.
 Le Roi
Joined: 11/19/2005
Msg: 118
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/5/2006 12:09:29 AM

Would you wish to involve yourself with someone not legally divorced? Whether they may be emotionally or physically apart or living in the "other" room or "basement" to spare the children or to save expenses.....Viewpoints welcome...........

Not if they live under the same roof. I found myself in that position once. I really liked the girl too! But when I found out that she was still living under the same roof (albet different bedrooms), it didn't matter that her husband had a girlfriend, I broke it off before it went any further.
Joined: 9/25/2005
Msg: 119
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/5/2006 5:30:19 AM
I don't want to involve myself with someone who is only separated. They need to be ready to move on. . . need the paperwork!
Joined: 2/24/2006
Msg: 120
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/5/2006 7:31:09 AM

I expressed my opinion on the matter and why I felt the way I did

Sienna, I thought your posts to be insightful and intelligent. I didn't see them as being judgemental, just expressing opinions that I'm sure that many would share. I know I do!
Joined: 12/16/2005
Msg: 121
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/5/2006 7:34:49 AM
Well, honestly, despite what everyone has said, each specific situation is different. I for one was separated and very over her and ready to move on. She had to stay in my house for a while to get her stuff together, but she slept in a different room and we no longer left the door open while taking a shower or any of that! :D

But.... I feel for you ladies out there because there are some guys who just want to cheat and that is the excuse they use. Bad part is that it is up to you to figure out the truth of it all. You may have to take off the love goggles and think it through logically for a minute.

If you can do it (not everyone can), then you should be able to figure out the posers and the real situations.
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 122
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/5/2006 12:13:57 PM
No,I don't think being Separated is single because there is always a chance of you getting back with your spouse...until you are divorced you are not single !
Joined: 12/16/2005
Msg: 123
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/5/2006 12:22:19 PM
There was no way on earth I would have went back with my ex. I don't care what she could have done, there was no way...

The question is... what are the secret thoughts of the person you are dating who says they are separated, and will you know them?????

I think one person can tell you they are separated and they are good to go for a new relationship, and another one isn't. Only they know... and they may be in denial.
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 124
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/5/2006 1:49:32 PM
I think every case is different. I am seperated, and not divorced and I consider myself single. I have been seperated since 2000. The only reason I amnot divorced is because the to be x won't help pay for the divorce. I live on my own and it is tough enough without trying to add another darn bill, altho i am working on finding someone cheap. We live in different towns and even before we actually seperated I lived by myselfr and when we did live together we had seperate bedrooms for almost 2 years. I have already had a 3 year live in boyfriend. So I am sooo single inmy eyes.
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 125
view profile
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/5/2006 6:28:38 PM
If we are talking about being picky or "closed-minded" ... looks like we have a new winner in Mr. Stillinlimbo!!!!

- no one who has had anything less than a 15 yr. relationship
- no one who has NOT had children
- no widows
- no women with a few extra pounds ("chunky", as he calls it)

Have I left anything out? ... Hmmm... let's see ... how do you feel about women who can't cook...
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