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 viceguy1
Joined: 9/8/2005
Msg: 253
Is separated single?Page 6 of 37    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37)
@designwoman

...Nailed it..
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 254
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Is separated single?
Posted: 3/28/2006 8:18:23 AM
You are totally missing the point to what I meant by being independant. Sure both men and women need to learn to do all the everyday things. That's part of being an adult. What I was refering to was being perfectly comfortable living alone. Making all decisions alone with no one to be your sounding board. Facing serious illness or threats to your well being with no one to lend a helping hand isn't easy. I have no living family member left, so it's all up to me. Run to get married again, so that serious problems can be shared - I don't think so. I would only get into another relationship if it made me and the other person very happy in all ways. I have dealt with running business and daily life married or not. The difference now is that I know that I can (and have faced) all problems, and crisis of life alone and being comfortable doing so. I enjoy travelling alone as it gives me time to truly get involved with different cultures. Most people just don't seem to want to try that. I won't bore you will a list of the crisis that I have faced. I will say that testifying in two criminal trials against a dangerous offender was one of the most challenging, especially since I watched many people who didn't have the courage to testify. Yes, it was a little nerve racking living alone during those two years. I did however learn that there is nothing to fear but fear itself. Sorry for the rant and hope you now know that I meant independant independant in all life crisis.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 256
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Is separated single?
Posted: 3/28/2006 9:42:48 AM
What I was taking about was being single and independant.

If he wants to get remarried then he can do what is necessary, Is what you said.

I certainly don't want to argue with you on this issue, and you sure are entitled to your opinion. I just figure that doing the work necessary to become legally single is the responsibility of the person who isn't single. It is just the way I have choosen to live my life.
I sure wouldn't be dating someone who expected to make me responsible for their issues. I am way too busy taking care of my own responsibilities and having time left over for fun.

Each to his or her own of thinking.
 thai_paradise
Joined: 2/2/2006
Msg: 258
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/28/2006 9:48:39 AM
just because you know how to use French phrases it doesn't make you less of a snake
 Carol27
Joined: 1/25/2005
Msg: 265
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/28/2006 12:05:36 PM
No, separated does not mean single.

I didn't date when I was separated for over a year. I felt that as long as we were legally married, I didn't have the right to do anything with another man. JMHO.
 Revision 26
Joined: 3/8/2006
Msg: 266
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/28/2006 12:14:12 PM
I am amazed at how many people my age (25) are divorced. WTF were you people thinking?
 Bandito
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 269
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/28/2006 1:09:42 PM
I just love how quick to judge people are around here, specially on what is perceived to be a poor excuse or not. Until you walk in someone else's shoes it is unfair to judge people so recklessly.

Me personally, I am just waiting for the 1 year seperation period to complete so I can file my divorce papers. I can however understand why other people may not be in a position to do the same and it be unfair of me to judge them one way or another.

I am all for people making personal choices in who they date. My issue here is using legal status to determine who is "dateable" is rather short sighted and unfair.

Bandito
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 270
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Is separated single?
Posted: 3/28/2006 1:29:21 PM
Bandito

Legal status is only a small percentage of why I won't date a separated man. In a few years, chances are you will look back and realize that you weren't ready to do anything other than casual (if any) dating at all during the your separation. You will see the issue from the other side of the coin. If you are looking for a lasting relationship, dating someone who is rushing into the next relationship is a mine field that isn't worth getting involved in.
 Bandito
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 272
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/28/2006 3:17:42 PM
@moraima thank you for the advice I am not dating because I was smart enough to know I am not in a position to date yet. The issue goes far beyond my legal status and pretty much has to do with my children who I have custody of. They are a higher priority and need a lot of time to adjust. However, that is my decision and I would like it to remain my decision

The fact is anyone exiting a long term relationship shouldn't go out and rush into another relationship even if you weren't married. I agree totally that this is just being irresponsible...called rebounding.

I don't prescribe that anyone go and "rush" into a relationship. I am a big proponent of "baby steps".

Bandito
 Bluesmanon45
Joined: 3/28/2006
Msg: 273
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/28/2006 3:18:10 PM
Legal is legal....court is court....half is half

Emotional is emotional....done is done....ready is ready, and they aint ever the same thing.

You can have all the resolve in the world, you can fall madly in love with someone, unfinished business is unfinished business. I are one. Say whatever you like, if the legal stuff isnt taken care of, court's coming sooner or later. If the emotional stuff isnt taken care of, something's coming sooner or later. I dont like where Im at in mine, but I tend to fix things I dont like. This state has a way of making that incredibly difficult for people already barely making it, but where there's a will there is a way.
 floky
Joined: 1/17/2006
Msg: 274
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/28/2006 5:05:05 PM
Separated is still married and if the wife will have them back they will go home. Married men say they are separated when they want to play. They want sex period. To cheap to pay a pro when there are so many charity whores who will give it away. If it's there they will lie to get it. Never date a married man. If he is ending a marriage he will be getting a divorce, and I would damm sure have to see the papers before believing him. Live and learn girls. THERE IS NO FUTURE IN A SEPARATED OR MARRIED MAN. There are lots of single guys out there,why waste your time and be stressed out over some jerk? [ I am just trying to be honest here and mean no harm to you ladies here on line.] and THINK
 cegsfine
Joined: 2/1/2006
Msg: 275
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/28/2006 5:20:27 PM
Hold on I am separated from my hubby and have been for almost 3 yrs but we also still live in the same house but not by my choice thats for damn sure. There is no possible way i would stay married to this man and could never ever go back to him, the divorce is still on going but he wont move out and I cant afford to yet. And yes i consider myself single as well do my kids see there mom and dad this way. We dont bring dates to the house and dont talk about it, well we try not to but it tends to come up in arguements......lol But I explain my situation to anyone who shows interest in me and can guarentee them i wont be stayin with my soon to be ex. So I dont see separated people as a red flag at all. I am totally honest in tellin others where I am in my situation. So please dont say all separated people should be a red flag, sometimes you are just in a situation that you are tryin to get out of but the other party wants to make you life hell for as long as they can b 4 they cant any longer......lol
 checkin-u
Joined: 1/28/2006
Msg: 276
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/28/2006 5:42:46 PM
wow, feel your pain there, dont see how you can manage (and for 3 yrs) to be living in the same house...oh HELLLLLLLL no.....im not so sure id want to date some separated guy still living with his ex...yeah, seems like lots of drama.
 Bandito
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 280
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/28/2006 10:54:30 PM
^^^Her view soundsl like all seperated men are like when Wilma throws Fred out of the House and he has to go sleep over at Barny & Betty's....funny, I don't remember Fred trying to date

 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 282
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Is separated single?
Posted: 3/29/2006 1:09:10 AM
Well I've now read the entire thread - all 12 pages - and my opinions on the "dating while separated" topic have changed completely. Goes to show that POF can be educational...
 floky
Joined: 1/17/2006
Msg: 286
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/29/2006 2:46:06 PM
Cegsfine, No offence meant towards you .We all make our own decisions.Yeah,sure but I bet it is pure hell for the kids listening to you two argue.3 years to get a divorce, and he won't leave so maybe you should have him removed from the home and get a life cause the one you stated you are living sure doesn't sound like it would be very good for you or your kids, or your husband either. Just the same you both are still married and have no business dating others. Not very good role models for your kids. If he is making your life hell it is because you are letting him get by with it. It will continue as long as you let him get by with it. Good luck!
 floky
Joined: 1/17/2006
Msg: 287
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/29/2006 2:54:42 PM
stillin limbo, I do not have a sick opinion of men. Just sick jerks like you need the counselling.
There are a lot of good men out there. What I said is true about a lot of separated and married men. Just read some of the profiles on this site. You are just smarting off because I got you pegged.
 floky
Joined: 1/17/2006
Msg: 288
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/29/2006 2:58:15 PM
bandito, Cute. I had to laugh!
 floky
Joined: 1/17/2006
Msg: 289
Is seperated single? - cegsfine
Posted: 3/29/2006 3:14:18 PM
mr m Thank you for your post. At least I know someone out there uses thier brain.
 floky
Joined: 1/17/2006
Msg: 290
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/29/2006 10:36:28 PM
vorax, the point of a thread is to say what you think. you have done that, which is your right to your opinion even if it is wrong..Read your first 3 sentences, conterdictory. I do not have any baggage and I trust people until I am given a reason not to.I DO NOT HATE MEN.You are wrong to assume otherwise.NO I WOULD NOT DATE OR TRUST A SEPARATED OR MARRIED MAN as I said there is no future in it. I was married a long time and had a good happy marriage until he died of cancer.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 292
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Is separated single?
Posted: 3/30/2006 5:18:13 AM
floky - You sound like a great person, and I love your sense of humour and your intelligence.
 blacksheep29
Joined: 7/18/2005
Msg: 293
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/30/2006 5:41:02 AM
I think "seperated" is a relative term, I mean come on, if the couple is still living together, are they truly seperated? Personally, I've been seperated from my husband for 7 months now. But, when we seperated, I left him and moved myself and our children into our own place. I won't ever live with him again, and I don't sleep with him, or spend time with him unless it's a school function, or some such thing for our children. So, I think something like that would be truly seperated, and yes, I consider myself single. Now, if I was still living with my husband, or sleeping with him, or dating him, then no, that wouldn't be seperated or single. Just my opinion.
 angelab
Joined: 2/16/2006
Msg: 295
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/30/2006 7:20:37 AM
^^^
That's exactly why I won't respond to separated people.

There are too many nasty situations that can spring up with it... A relative of mine dated a woman (who is now his wife) while he was separated from his former wife, and they actually had to be all hush hush and stealth about keeping it a secret until the divorce was final because she was constantly trying to get evidence that they were together to bring up in court to get more money out of him... And they were fifty friggin years old at the time. I don't have the time or the energy to deal with that stuff.

And no, if you're separated you're not single because you're still married. Date people if you want, but the legal stuff binding you and your former husband/wife is still there.
 cegsfine
Joined: 2/1/2006
Msg: 297
Is seperated single? - cegsfine
Posted: 3/30/2006 7:29:30 AM
You are so very wrong. I have a soon to be ex who wont leave the house and i cant force him to, I was a stay at home mom for most of my married life and just started working when we decided to get divorced, So i dont make the kinda money that is necessary to support me and my 4 kids alone, i need child support and to sell our house b 4 i can get out, and if I was still sleepin with him then i wouldnt be gettin divorced, i cant stand the man any more and i dunno about you but i dont sleep with guys i cant stand. And i sure as hell dont need nor want a sugar daddy I am just going to start my life dont need another man tellin me what i can and cannot do, Its just a situation i am stuck with for now but better be freed from it soon, So dont make guesses about why i am still in the house, all ya had to do was ask, i am very open and honest about my situation. And yes i am not interested in dateing a married man so of course i will put that in my profile. I am separated, go ask the courts if I am or not. I know there are people who wont see why i am stuck but the smart ones will understand the situation, the others just havent been in my situation so cant judge me. Once i made up my mind we were done i stopped sleepin with him.
 cegsfine
Joined: 2/1/2006
Msg: 298
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/30/2006 7:41:50 AM
floky, My kids dont know we date we dont tell them, they dont need to meet anyone i am not serious about.I cant have him removed unless he is abusive, besides he is a good dad, and we work different hours so we dont see one another much, we both just lead lives out side of our home. And yes any guy can call me at anytime. You all need to open your mind a little and see that people do what they have to to survive in this world. OMG if i could have ended it 3 yrs ago i would have, but with kids , a house and assets things dont go so smoothly when trying to split things, My kids will grow up just fine. I have dated b 4 and the guys I have dated are just fine with the situation, they know i am not inolved with my soon to be ex in any way but raisein our kids. We handle what we are delt in life and this is the way we are dealing with the situation. If ya dont like it then oh well not your life dont worry about it.
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