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 angelab
Joined: 2/16/2006
Msg: 295
Is separated single?Page 6 of 37    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37)
^^^
That's exactly why I won't respond to separated people.

There are too many nasty situations that can spring up with it... A relative of mine dated a woman (who is now his wife) while he was separated from his former wife, and they actually had to be all hush hush and stealth about keeping it a secret until the divorce was final because she was constantly trying to get evidence that they were together to bring up in court to get more money out of him... And they were fifty friggin years old at the time. I don't have the time or the energy to deal with that stuff.

And no, if you're separated you're not single because you're still married. Date people if you want, but the legal stuff binding you and your former husband/wife is still there.
 cegsfine
Joined: 2/1/2006
Msg: 297
Is seperated single? - cegsfine
Posted: 3/30/2006 7:29:30 AM
You are so very wrong. I have a soon to be ex who wont leave the house and i cant force him to, I was a stay at home mom for most of my married life and just started working when we decided to get divorced, So i dont make the kinda money that is necessary to support me and my 4 kids alone, i need child support and to sell our house b 4 i can get out, and if I was still sleepin with him then i wouldnt be gettin divorced, i cant stand the man any more and i dunno about you but i dont sleep with guys i cant stand. And i sure as hell dont need nor want a sugar daddy I am just going to start my life dont need another man tellin me what i can and cannot do, Its just a situation i am stuck with for now but better be freed from it soon, So dont make guesses about why i am still in the house, all ya had to do was ask, i am very open and honest about my situation. And yes i am not interested in dateing a married man so of course i will put that in my profile. I am separated, go ask the courts if I am or not. I know there are people who wont see why i am stuck but the smart ones will understand the situation, the others just havent been in my situation so cant judge me. Once i made up my mind we were done i stopped sleepin with him.
 cegsfine
Joined: 2/1/2006
Msg: 298
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/30/2006 7:41:50 AM
floky, My kids dont know we date we dont tell them, they dont need to meet anyone i am not serious about.I cant have him removed unless he is abusive, besides he is a good dad, and we work different hours so we dont see one another much, we both just lead lives out side of our home. And yes any guy can call me at anytime. You all need to open your mind a little and see that people do what they have to to survive in this world. OMG if i could have ended it 3 yrs ago i would have, but with kids , a house and assets things dont go so smoothly when trying to split things, My kids will grow up just fine. I have dated b 4 and the guys I have dated are just fine with the situation, they know i am not inolved with my soon to be ex in any way but raisein our kids. We handle what we are delt in life and this is the way we are dealing with the situation. If ya dont like it then oh well not your life dont worry about it.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 300
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/30/2006 8:54:05 AM
panaqqa - Your defination of single is totally accurate. I get a little annoyed with any Canadian Govt. or Canadian Banking forms that list only separated, divorced and single. (Happens a lot.) Even the Canadian Govt. and Banks can't get the defination of single correct by also give the option of selecting Widow/widower as a defination of a person's status.
Probably the forms were created by a person with baggage. Joking - ha ha.
 Fran_Gal
Joined: 2/20/2006
Msg: 303
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/30/2006 10:22:58 AM
seperated is still legally married

not into being someones rebound
 Bluesmanon45
Joined: 3/28/2006
Msg: 304
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/30/2006 10:27:03 AM
so what takes the "re" away from the bound? I dont get that particular connection really, I mean, one is legal, the other is emotional...at least to me.

You can go through rebound in junior high....you cant have a legal marriage in junior high (that I am aware of) and I would think that someone could learn through the years how to get through with the whole process of rebounding altogether, where you grab someone to fill a hole instead of grabbing your own shovel and filling it yourself. ya know?
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 305
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/30/2006 10:45:53 AM
happycanuck2005 - pls don't say that the person who signs the cheque in Canada is the man.

Where did that come from ??????????????????

Do you really believe that in Canada the man in the marriage does the banking and only the man does the signs cheques ????????

What could u be thinking to make a statement like that????????
 DacaInaru
Joined: 8/18/2005
Msg: 308
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/30/2006 12:51:52 PM

Single is single, the person has never married.
Divorced is not single - you were married at one time.
Widowed is not single - see divorced above.
Separated is not single - you are still married.


uh..

single is single - correct

divorce is not single - incorrect.. i'm divorced and last i check I dont have some man hanging off my ass.. that constitutes me as single..

widow is single - see above..

seperated is not single - ok i'll give you that one too..
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 310
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/30/2006 1:16:33 PM
dacainaru: You tell 'em. I couldn't agree more. I paid a lot of money to have that "single" title back in my possession. I get the distinct impression someone up a post or two has a nasty attitude about his own status.

Unless I am married, I am single.

I do have one question......what about Anullments? Would those people be ~ invisible???? Anullments mean it never happened, but we all know, to get an Anullment it did happen, but it didn't happen for long, or is that it didn't happen for real??? Hmmm...I think I'm still single!!!
 stoppingin
Joined: 12/23/2005
Msg: 312
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/30/2006 1:44:35 PM
No, separated is still married. Why would anyone who is serious about a relationship want to put her self in a situation like that? Its too easy for him to return to the wife.....I won't date any guy that is married, separated, or less than a year divorced. I did that for awhile and I got really tired really fast of only talking about the ex....no matter what I did to change the subject, somehow the ex was always a part of the conversation. I'm not going there again...
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 315
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History
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/30/2006 2:04:38 PM
vorax - When you get a little old and wiser, you will look back and realise how wrong your opinion in your last post is. Shedding baggage takes time. We all are guilt of thinking we are ready for our next relatioship before we are. Thank God, time heal all (if we let it).
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 316
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/30/2006 2:06:02 PM
YD: I agree, but I wonder what a "long period of time" is. To some, a week my be a long period of time. The reality is: if you get involved with someone merely separated, you are putting yourself at risk. I have a rule about divorce/separated men: if they aren't completely on their own for at least a year, it's not going to happen. First of all, I don't want to be a rebound, second..there is a lot of drama that goes on during a divorce, I don't have any interest in knowing all the dirty little details.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 318
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/30/2006 2:15:04 PM
Uh Hmmmmmmmm!!!!! Is it me, or are we now in the Christians R Us forum????? What is that about??????? I didn't sign up for Christianity 101. Hmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!! Wrong thread dear, you may want to stay on topic.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 320
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History
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/30/2006 3:47:56 PM
vorax I learned alot more from the age of 33 until 50, and am still learning very day, which is such a blessing. Being separated is a terrible time for all involved no matter how hard we work to do the right thing. My issue is not with separated people as my heart goes out to them. My issue with not dating a separated person, is that I can't be part of the healing process. One thing I have learned is that, I along with everyone else has to deal with the problems of life myself or I will never learn anything. I see nothing wrong with separated people dating separated people. Each offering comfort to the other. We all need company from time to time. Single and separated people live totally different lifestyles, lifestyles that the other at that point it time would not be comfortable being part of.
 Bluesmanon45
Joined: 3/28/2006
Msg: 322
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/30/2006 4:04:16 PM
Contractually it is a matter of written law, and that varies from jurisdiction to jurisdiction if you are talking about dating....some states let you date as soon as you can prove a different dwelling as your permanent residence, other states count it infidelity until you get papers and you are legally liable for that behavior. Legal law is legal law and differs widely from state to state and country to country.


So after having said all that, it's still not a good idea to date until the emotional issues are settled in everyone involved, even if there is no legal liability to consider. Bitter emotions make legal fees staggering, and that is the very least of the long term consequences of them.
 Bluesmanon45
Joined: 3/28/2006
Msg: 324
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/30/2006 5:34:43 PM
Alright verygreeneyez....here we go

I don't want to be a rebound, second

splain Lucy......I understand the whole bounceback thing when a guy or girl runs off and gets all starry eyed about the first pretty face that doesnt laugh and run for the hills.....how do you exactly rebound proof yourself before going on and using another human heart to make sure the one you care about doesnt get crushed by this whole "rebound" thing??

Im mean, is that what you are talking about? the whole, "I need so I want you" thing...or is there something else to it? I havent heard this since high school, and it sounded silly to me then Im suprised it even exists in adults...yet it keeps showing up.

(I think Im gonna take rebound 101 at the community college this fall if this keeps up)
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 326
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Is separated single?
Posted: 3/30/2006 6:36:39 PM
Vorax and bluesmanon45 - Once you don't even think about, much less talk about any of the issues that were part and parcel of the end of your marriage and realize how unimportant it all is in your life as a whole, then you will be able to have a peaceful life. An unfortunate few never find peace after divorce.

Change subject slightly - I always enjoy the Cuban concept of desolving a marriage. This sounds like a joke but it is really the way it is. Cuban rules of marriage - if you have 7 CCP (convertible Cuban pesos) - no worries. 5CCP to get married and 2 CCP to get divorced. This would be about $10. Cdn. (Average Cuban makes approx. $10. Cdn. a month) Their law says that it must be easier to get out of marriage than into it. (No one has the rite to refuse their spouce a divorce - divorce can be applied for as soon as you no longer live together - after paper are served on the other party, whether or not the party agrees, the divorce is granted automatically after 30 days. Fortunately, or unfortunately Cubans have no wealth to fight over anyway - this takes away divorce hassels.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 327
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/30/2006 6:36:59 PM
blues: I can truthfully only answer for me. Rebounding is not only alive and well, it's extremely common. I did not date for a year post-divorce, out of respect for myself, my ex and my son. In addition, I was so damn happy that I didn't need nor want to date. Once I felt that dating was appropriate, I was in no way looking for anything long-term or heartfelt. I needed time to know me again. It was nearly three years before I embarked on a "relationship." In that length of time, I was not even remotely the same person that I was when married. That is how I base my opinion. What leaves a bad marriage/relationship isn't necessarily the same person that will emerge later. I didn't want to mislead anyone, knowing full well that I had an immense amount of work to do, on me. So, rebounding in my book isn't about being used by someone, it is about my personal knowledge that when newly single, it is healthiest to spend a lot of alone time, which most just don't do. Most jump into the dating world and lick their wounds. It isn't for me. The beauty of opinions, we are all entitled to our own. I hope whatever you do works for you. I'm just one person that doesn't feel it's appropriate to jump into something.
 Bluesmanon45
Joined: 3/28/2006
Msg: 328
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/30/2006 6:44:48 PM
Good post to read, thanks...never heard it talked about like that...makes perfect sense...perfect.

 floky
Joined: 1/17/2006
Msg: 330
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/30/2006 7:50:23 PM
cegsfine, you are right it is your life. ( such as it is) I don't have to like it. I sure wouldn't live
it. Have you heard of legal aid? All states have it and if you really want out contact them.most divorces don't go smoothly, but it is better than living in hell. Lots of luck to you.
 daisie
Joined: 9/22/2004
Msg: 331
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/30/2006 8:06:12 PM
I have been involved with "separated" men in the past...both times we ended up in long term relationships that were very good all around. However, I would NOT get involved with a separated guy again. I'm not in a big hurry and I DON'T want a guy who is in a big hurry. If he can't use his "separation" time wisely and appreciate it as a time for him to do some reflection and LEARN from his own mistakes in his relationship ( possibly to decide he want to return to his wife...which should take precedent over a new fling with me) and if he is incapable of being alone, on his own, independent for a while then I am certainly NOT interested in him.
 floky
Joined: 1/17/2006
Msg: 332
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/30/2006 8:14:21 PM
you said men don't leave their wives then you said you were the one that left. So if you are not a man then what are you? I have no fears or doubts. I just don't want to have anything to do with separated or married men because I think it is wrong to date them. Being friendly with them is okay.I think I have a little bit more experience than you do.What you do with your marriage is your business I could care less. I could say a lot but I won't.
 floky
Joined: 1/17/2006
Msg: 334
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/30/2006 9:03:29 PM
stillinlimbo It wouldn't do you any good to ask me out because I would not go out with a guy like you for more reasons than your being separated. #1 You are a jerk.#2 Look in the mirrow you look as bad on the outside as you are rotten on the inside.# 3 you assume things you know nothing about. # 4 You two guys are the one's with the baggage. I STAND BY WHAT I SAID ( THERE IS NO FUTURE IN SEPARATED OR MARRIED MEN ) I have a lot of happy memories from my marriage. What do you two turkeys have? I read this thread and others too and believe me I've seen plenty.You have been told off more than once. I do trust people till they give me reason not to. The reason is plain or are you to dumb to figure it out! I can be just as smart-mouthed as you can.As for what I wrote about C H. It is the truth.
 youtouchedmysoul
Joined: 3/30/2006
Msg: 335
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/30/2006 10:13:55 PM
Hello everyone

to the question at hand is separated single. well yes and no I think it depends on the situation I have not dated anyone who is separated but fell in love with someone who was not happy in her marrige. we started out as friends and I told her that was great by me because we have a strong friendship she wants to leave her marrige but hasnt yet but says she is going to and I told her that she has to decide that on her own . She knows how I feels and she has feelings for me but she repects her marrige and is confused right now so i told her that i should not be around for now until she decides what to do for herself. Its a crappy situation but I feel I made the right decision in telling her that I should not be around even tho she wants our friendship to remain intact I told her it was hard to just be friends because I love her even tho friendship comes first before anything We have been friends for 6 months and have become close no physical just emotional ties but It wouldnt be fair to anyone in this situation to proceed I dont think it would be wise to call separated single until all emotional things are delt with for one It hurts to much
 terry44030
Joined: 12/4/2005
Msg: 338
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/31/2006 1:38:47 AM
I am, by All definitions, single.

My view on the topic of the thread is:

Single means not married.
Divorced, widowed means single (because they're not married, get it?)
Separated means married. Thousands, maybe millions of people are separated, still married.
I have a friend that his wife "ran off" almost 30 years ago - he's separated, not divorced.

By the way, annullment means single, disillusionment means single. (although I would personally catagorize them as divorced).
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