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 Bandito
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 151
Is separated single?Page 7 of 37    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37)
I give up The white flag is out.

It seems that some people here are bent out of shape, based on their own miserable experiences, to show how bad and terrible "Seperated" people are regardless of the person's person circumstance.

You win! We are all so bad and terrible...everyone else that is not seperated, lying or not...are in fact just and genuine people. If you buy that then I have some property for you to look at too while your at it

People, be understanding and tolerant to other people around you and you will find true happiness in yourself and others.

Bandito
 RockDotChic
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 152
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/10/2006 12:39:05 PM

People, be understanding and tolerant to other people around you and you will find true happiness in yourself and others.

AMEN Bandito! :o)


 Sienna_leigh
Joined: 2/16/2006
Msg: 153
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/10/2006 12:46:55 PM
I'm very understanding and tolerant of those who are separated - speaking in general - because I was once separated myself - but that doesn't mean I am non-understanding and intolerant just because I make a personal choice - for my own reasons - not to get involved with someone who's separated. It's all about personal preference, that's the bottom line.
 Bandito
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 154
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/10/2006 12:48:44 PM
Thank you rockdotcomchic
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 155
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/10/2006 1:50:03 PM
Sienna_leigh: I'm just saying that some people stick to their principles no matter what. :-)

As one gets older usually one's opinion can adapt to the many grey areas of life. Sticking to principles for princple sake limits your ability to grow and fully develop an informed and educated opinion. It's too bad many of us have been burned by involving ourselves physically, emotionally, and intimately with separated people who carried their relationship baggage into the new relationship and/or were really not "separated". You can choose to date anyone you wish, of course, but to classify all separated people as "undateable" is foolhardy. Use your gut instincts when sizing up the "separation" of someone who is separated. The separated person can get divorced and be a jackass--but it would be good for you to consider dating a divorced jackass?

You have to use the grey cells in your brain to accurately size up the grey areas of life. Inflexible dating attitudes regarding dating someone who is separated only encourages separated people to be deceptive about their status, and nobody wants that.
 Sienna_leigh
Joined: 2/16/2006
Msg: 156
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/10/2006 2:00:07 PM
Bike_man, you're assuming I stick to my principles merely for the principle's sake. I have good reasons - that I only have to justify to myself - to have decided to no longer date someone who's separated - and I don't find this particular conviction of mind to be one that will stifle my personal growth or development. There are plenty of great single, widowed and divorced men out there - I see no need whatsoever to invest time in getting to know someone who's wants to start a new chapter before closing the last one. I didn't feel it right to date while I was separated - based on my convictions (not to say I wasn't tempted to) and I respect myself enough to expect no less for myself. I've already used my gut instincts - it's a no-brainer that those who aren't yet divorced have got a lot of unfinished business to take care of. And if those of us who have no interest in dating those who are separated will only be causing those who are separated to be more deceptive about their status, that's not really my issue. It's very very easy to figure out if someone's lying about their status - and if I'm not getting involved with someone who's separated, then I surely don't have to worry that they're claiming to be in the stages of ending their marriage when in fact they're just taking a time-out from marriage to have fun.

Cripes, what is the big deal about making a personal choice not to get involved with those who are separated? Do people get this bent out of shape when they learn that people out there have other preferences - like they don't wish to date those who smoke, or those who are into the club scene, or those who may have diametrically opposed religious or political beliefs? At the end of the day, you gotta look out for #1 and follow what feels right to you - what feels right to me may not feel right to you - and that's okay. You live your life your way, I'll live mine my way.
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 157
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/10/2006 2:58:05 PM
sienna, i've got principles too, but my opinions are flexible, and that doesn't mean i'm wishy-washy. i've experienced things that have caused me to rethink my opinions, you've experienced things that have strengthened your convictions.

but just when you think you've seen everything, you see something you've never seen before. and just when you have all the answers, that's when someone changes the questions.

i'm just as stubborn as you sienna. i like that in a person, here's a hug to help bury the hachet.
 Onehelluvawoman
Joined: 7/31/2005
Msg: 158
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/10/2006 5:48:35 PM


Those hugs are for Bandito, Bikeman and rockdotcomchick.....you all have a wonderful outlook and perspective on life. I'm behind you all 250% with what all of you have had to say!

Sienna...... for you too....even though I disagree with you....hehe....got to give you a hug just for being so darned stubborn and standing your ground. You go ahead and keep you preferences the way they are...they work for you and they must make you happy...or you wouldn't be so darned adamant about them. Some of us here were just trying to offer you another perspective in hopes that perhaps you would see that there can sometimes be a grey and that sometimes...setting aside your predeterminations...may not only help you grow as a person, but also introduce a possible wonderful person in your life..that you may overlook by holding so strongly to your views. You have your reasons for not seeing the grey in this....and by all means....you have every right to stand your ground. Perhaps all your reasons if they were shared, would completely be understandable etc.....regardless though...based on what you have shared here...it appeared that maybe you are just stubbornly holding on to a view ...just for the sake of holding on to it...rather then being open enough to grow further as a person. Not saying that is the case....just shedding some light/thoughts/explanations as to why some of us have been directing a lot of our comments at you. Just trying to help..if you needed it...and if you don't then awesome....disregard what we have all had to say...and give us all back a hug
 Bytronix
Joined: 11/22/2005
Msg: 159
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/10/2006 5:49:43 PM
Seperated is not single.
Seperated is "too afraid to finish off the relationship".
 ~sweetiie~
Joined: 3/3/2006
Msg: 160
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/10/2006 6:59:19 PM
@bandito...lol ...Your posting has nothing to do with dating people who have straightened out that part of thier life ..it has nothing to do with tolerating or understanding etc...
It's common sense how can anyone be good for the "new partner" when the issues are unfinished...noone needs that going on..
Why should anyone have to put up with someone who is not emotional ready to commit..its like dating someone on the rebound..
 justapup
Joined: 2/3/2006
Msg: 161
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History
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/10/2006 7:28:02 PM
been seperated 8 years now, ex wouldn't have me back even if i wanted it,
guess maybe i should have read these posts long ago and not dated
and yes anyone i did date knew up front i was seperated
 Want2BMe
Joined: 12/6/2005
Msg: 162
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History
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/10/2006 7:34:06 PM
No,I don't think being Separated is single because there is always a chance of you getting back with your spouse...


I wouldn't say always...depends on the situation (abuse anyone?) besides people have been known to get divorced and then reconcile and marry again!

As for me. I am a single mother, not a seperated mother... not a divorced mother... I don't feel that I need the piece of paper at this point because I know that the past is over and I'm not looking for a long term relationship ie marriage.

Like rocdotcom I don't feel that I need to spill all of my personal issues from the past on this or any other site. They are personal and they are in the past. I am a very honest person and once I get to know someone I tell them of my exact situation.


Helluva brings up a valid point regarding narrow minded people. Discrimination comes in all forms. Viewing a group of people badly because of the actions of a few is sad but it's your loss not mine.

:edit quote mistake lol
 sunshine2tan
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 163
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/10/2006 7:36:05 PM
I guess I should have made this thread of conversations say....I separated.....legally single? And I know it is not.. But, is it clear to those either looking or seeking? And, I know that some are newly separated and things have been amiss for some time in the marriage and that one is looking....and there are the ones that are perpetually separated.....for whatever reason.....the price of divorce, sparing their grown kids that still live at home....whatever the reason.....It is, as stated by a few already....it is unfinished business, legally....it is my preference.....that is all....some gals dont care and will move in with ya and love ya forever...and that is their choice....and your choice....and I also know that seeking the person for me....to eventually commit/marry is my choice......OK.....am ducking
 Onehelluvawoman
Joined: 7/31/2005
Msg: 164
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/10/2006 7:42:45 PM
@sweetie..lol....you are right, in that..no one should date someone who is not emotionally ready to commit...or date someone on the rebound.....to imply that a "separated" person is not emotionally ready to commit however...sorry I beg to differ. "Separated"...does not mean they have "unfinished" business either....the only "business" they havent finished is signing a divorce paper...to imply anything else....is assumptive. Bandito is dead on in what he has to say....and it is extremely relevant to this thread. He is saying that to imply that a separated person has any more issues then anyone else out there....regardless of their title....could have "issues"...the very issues you have stated that no should have to put up with.
Separated people can be more emotionally available to you then a "single" person....depending where in the separation process they are at...depending on their mentality and overall life perspective etc....depending on EACH and every different situation a separated person may have come from. Personally.....I wouldnt go back to my ex if you offered me a date with Brad Pitt.....5 zillion dollars and told me he had been "transformed" to Mr Perfect by aliens. I get along well with my ex...but I left him...I left him for valid reasons.....and I would not go back to him for valid reasons. He is a great guy...but not for me..plain and simple. I have been separated for 3 years....have my crap together....have no "issues", and am most definitely "emotionally" ready and available to anyone that I may wish to pursue dating. I have a friend who is my age....single...never married...no kids...very attractive...and overall a sweet person........but she...admittedly so....has "issues"....and is not emotionally ready for anyone right now. Moral of the story sweetie and all other folks that like to attach an assumption to a title....doesn't matter what a person's status is....they can be screwed up just like anyone else...have issues just like annnnyone else....and not be "there" for you ....like annnnyone else.
 Trailer Trash Barbie
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 165
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/10/2006 7:44:16 PM
Well that would depend on whether or not I have to share the doublewide with his ex.....
 sunshine2tan
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 166
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/10/2006 7:59:27 PM
Maybe I cannot read or refuse to....BUT......SEPARATED is still married...legally. period....IS anyone listening????? And I do beleive that it is up to the individual looking to choose to date that person....and if they find love and no wishes to commit legally.....well then go for it....but the person who is looking to commit "legally" now or in the future would love to get to know likewise.....but....those divorced idiots are worse than the separated ones....so there ya go
 Onehelluvawoman
Joined: 7/31/2005
Msg: 167
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/10/2006 8:10:51 PM
Hehe...and one more thing....to all of you clinging to the "legal and religious" aspect of this.....I have something to say on that as well. If everything in your life....you do 100% as God or the law has set out for you....you never lie, never taken a thing not yours ( this includes stealing cable...downloading songs/music etc from the internet)....never ever done one thing ethically, morally or technically wrong....then to you out there....kudo's for being perfect, and sticking to your convictions....100%. To the rest of you....and you know who you are... ...talk to me when you are 100%. A piece of paper, bottom line are all that stands between a person being "separated" and "divorced." That little piece of paper....may not be signed for a zillion reasons.....some valid...some not. But the reasons why that little piece of paper not being signed...are between the piece of paper and the people that are supposed to one day sign it. No one else.

If you choose not to date people...because after talking to them etc....you feel that they are not ready for a relationship....have issues etc...then by all means...don't date them. To not date someone....because of their status...or that little piece of paper.....well ...hehe....it just ridiculous to me...cept those people that are 100% perfect. To say that in the eyes of God that there is a difference between a separated person and a divorced person....there isnt a difference. The church brought in divorce to give people a "legal" out to a bad marraige. If you read your Bible....you'll see that the only re-marraige God allows is if the spouse dies. Other then that ...he expects you to stay married. God forgives those that ask for forgiveness with all their heart...no matter what sin they have committed. What has happened in a persons life....is between God and the person....and the only one that can judge that person is God. No one else has that right.

Last point to make while Im on a roll....

A single person can have issues....cause they have been single too long....cause they've dated tooooo many people....etc etc etc.
A divorced person can have issues....cause they arent over it....they were the cause of the divorce....they never learned....etc etc etc
A widowed person can have issues....as the person they are no longer with, was taken from them. Someone they loved is no longer with them..for reasons beyond their control.

Ok....Im done now....NEXT!
 sunshine2tan
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 168
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/10/2006 8:23:33 PM
ooooooooooooooo...should I have just grabbed that grape at safeway cuz I needed a sugar fix.....
 Onehelluvawoman
Joined: 7/31/2005
Msg: 169
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/10/2006 8:34:31 PM
LOL...hehe...that's between you and the Big Guy....just wanted to point out that while it may not feel right to you....and I do understand that....if you are going to make a decision about a person....not a grape then do so knowing all there is to know....make an educated decision and do what you feel is right for you. Not saying that if it feels wrong to you to go ahead and do it....but if you do or dont do something without weighing in all the factors....truly knowing all there is to know....going by the "knowledge is power" rule...then have you really done yourself or the other person true justice? Would you want to be "ousted", because a good portion of society thought that all blondes are dumb?
 Feeniks
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 170
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/10/2006 9:50:10 PM
I may have been wrong. Someone needs to pull some forum threads together. I saw one (but didn't really read) that said (roughly) "We met a POF a month ago and now we're living together." Another thread outlines the "Three Date Rule." (If you haven't done the wild thing by the end of the third date, move on.) So, if we combine that with this thread, I need to get my socializing done with my kids, my buddies, my co-workers and my Maxims and in a few years I'll be ready to get laid on the first date and move in by the end of the month and this will all seem normal.

Even leaving out the moving in part, I'm feeling like a stranger in a strange land (where people play games with the night......)(name that tune and I'll sing it in your ear.)


to choose to date that person


I pictured dating as being like going out to movies and dancing and stuff. With the busy lives we all seem to lead, three dates would be spaced out over a month or more. I'd have other dates to fill the gaps when you're busy and I'm not or vice versa. (we're not going steady after the first date, are we? That seems a little hasty.)

Afraid to sleep with me in case I'm bullshitting about my marital status? I would have thought I'd have you over for dinner and to meet the kids before we were intimate. If we both have kids, how else? (MEMO TO SELF: PUT CAMPING FOAMY IN MINIVAN)( Its not that I'm getting on a moral highhorse over that, BTW. If someone sweet offered a no-strings-attached sympathy ****, I don't know if I'd say no. I'm pretty sure I'd tell them they were too wild for me but lets go anyway. LOL.

My older brother is almost my identical twin. I've recommended this site to him. If anyone out there is lusting after me, but for my marital status, look for him! The last time he had a girllfriend was in the late 1970s. I'm pretty sure he's gotten over that now.
 buzzingbee
Joined: 3/25/2005
Msg: 171
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/11/2006 3:16:46 AM
Well, I was separated for over 2 years and the day he had to go & leave (and he chose so) that day in my heart & mind I became single. There was no way back. PoF or any other dating site would not even remotely enter my mind. Emotional healing, letting mental scars at least fade ...that is all part of re-structuring your life once more again from scratch.

I do appreciate if people here are honest and put 'separated' as their status, I do know where I stand in this scenario.
Worst is the fact that someone states 'divorced' (as some states allow divorce without being separated prior) but deep down has not healed properly if ever, needless to say their erratic acting is so visible on Forum and what they are looking for says it all too.

buzz
 Bandito
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 172
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/11/2006 8:29:53 AM
@sweetie....onehelluvawomandid a great job echoing my sentiments.

We differ in our position and that is fine.
 sunshine2tan
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 173
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/11/2006 11:43:00 AM
hmmm...is it my imagination or is bandito doing the flirt thang with onehelluvawomen?
 aegean_odyssey
Joined: 10/12/2005
Msg: 174
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/11/2006 2:07:58 PM
Sunshine2tan is correct and I do not see why this thread persists

Is separated single?
Absolutely not!

Separated is still legally married..
as in the State of Florida (as in many others)-- there is NO legal separation
and it is a NO- Fault Divorce State-- you can be done in 30 days here

I know people here who have been "separated" for 5 or more years here
and carry on as if they are single,, other relationships, living etc.

But in the eyes of the LAW they are very much still married..
{this is not a religous perspective but a matter of LAW.}

In most ALL cases Separated means do not go near this person

In the State of Florida --sexual relations/actions while separated are ADULTRY

*********************************************************

States such as New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania and Connecticut and others
require a legal separation in order to complete the divorce process
the time may vary from one - two YEARS but the red flag is still held high
stay away

In my case I was over 100 miles and three States apart from my wife and
woman would still say I was married ,, even though we had no intentions to
spend any time together....

In more recent times I did date a woman who said she was "separated" her husband
moved out of the house with another woman,, But since the coals were still relatively
warm and wounds had nit yet healed I was hurt in the end..

Fair is fair -- LAW is LAW --- your not Single again in the eyes of the LAW until the divorce
is FINAL... no further explanation there...

Should you decide to continue in limbo/separated for an extended period for whatever host of
justifications -- so be it --- BUT YOUR STILL MARRIED ---

So shag away and play,, in the end a spade is a spade and your commiting ADULTRY
 Bandito
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 175
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/11/2006 3:39:31 PM

hmmm...is it my imagination or is bandito doing the flirt thang with onehelluvawomen?


Nope...not your imagination sunshine2tan Even though I don't date I do like to flirt

but shhhhh....I think its against the forum rules
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