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Joined: 3/18/2006
Msg: 388
Is separated single?Page 8 of 37    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37)
Of course separated isn't single, but it's much more important to understand both your dating goals and those of the person you're considering. I personally don't want to date someone who is separated or even recently divorced for several reasons: recent baggage is extra stress on a new relatationship, they are less likely to be ready for another long term relationship (my goal), and especially for the separated there is possibly competition and even a psycho jilted mate to deal with. Just not for me.
Joined: 4/2/2006
Msg: 389
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/2/2006 11:50:48 AM
First off ...I'm new here so bear with me...This is my 1st forum I've joined in on…but it seems to hit home. When I was going through my divorce (separated) I met a really cool guy ( I can say that it was 23 years ago, lol), when I told him I was separated he said, "Get the divorce, wait 6 mo, and call me if your interested", WOW I thought he was a real jerk then. Needless to say, we never spoke again. Soon after that I met the man that I spent the next 18 years with... not married... but we went through our divorces together (we were both separated when we met). Funny thing, when the divorce's were final...even though we had someone else in our life, we both found our heart's broken. But it also finalized something and we were able to move on. Now, when my LTR ended it did just that... ended. And without the divorce I didn't have anything to help finalize it. After I spent 6 MONTHS, with my best friends ANGER, and DISPAIR.. My ex B/F got married, and I realized... that cool guy years ago really WAS Cool (and smart too). Life got better and now I can be a contributor to a new relationship. Unless the strings are cut (divorce) or in my second case one of you marry, there will always be obstacles in the way of making a new relationship work. So I guess my answer would be "No" ....Hope I did this right LOL
Joined: 3/29/2006
Msg: 391
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/3/2006 9:50:40 AM
I am a "seperated" woman. Have been for 3 years. I won't pay for the divorce because he already ended up with everything, (most I had paid for). I wanted out so bad and he wouldn't agree to the divorce, I left with my cat and my clothes. I may be alone with nothing, but it was a releif compared to married life. I will NEVER go back. Just waiting til I NEED a divorce, or he does. If he wants one, he will pay for it. Marriage is the biggest trap in life if you end up unhappy.

Also.......... some don't divorce because of children, or money, etc........ This doesn't mean they WANT to be IN the marriage. If they have lived APART from their spouse for quite awhile, it isn't really a marriage is it? Even Uncler Sam agrees with me. I am allowed to file as single.
Joined: 4/2/2006
Msg: 392
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/3/2006 7:11:06 PM
Well stillinlimbo... The rest is we raised our children...he hated the empty nest... he found someone that had small children decided he liked the idea of starting over with a family ...I loaded my car with whatever I could get in it ... $400 in my pocket and drove from Ca to the Florida Panhandle.. had $35 to my name and started pumping gas.... gotta have a job to find a job. The main reason our realation worked thru the separations was because we were fighting all the evils together. That's a rarity... but who knows if we'd waited til we were both divorced and then gotten married.... maybe instead of a LTR we would've had a Life Time Commitment. We had lived together for 2 years before both divorces were over... He didn't want to "mess up a good thing" by signing a paper.'s all or nothing!!! I want the LTC this time. So my motto.... Get the divorce ...wait 6 mo and if your still interested call me... Hmmm...Where have I heard that before?
Joined: 3/28/2006
Msg: 393
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/3/2006 11:12:50 PM
ok so my head is spinning... seperated is NOT single....
But there is also a lot of crock in a lot of what I have read here...
Are we only talking about JUST finding friends or an activity partner ?
There is NO way in hell I will remarry anytime soon and with or with out a divorce that will not be happening. Why you may ask....Money says I
Both me and my ex receive our checks from the government.
So here's a question ? If I divorce I will have to pay alimony. IF she gets alimony wont the fed then reduce her payment? So I lose bucks..she gets bucks from me and they turn around and she loses more bucks ? So what money does she raise my daughter on ?
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 394
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/4/2006 6:30:14 AM
^^^I agree ebonetta, there is a lot of crock in what is being said burried amongst the carnage of some failed relationships between single and not-single people.

However if you changed the question around slightly to hooking up with peoplke rebounding from LTR's that were not living together or LTR, you would
get similar horror stories of going back to their ex's.

There are plenty of responsible seperated people here that are not here dating, not here looking for relationships other than friendship or companionship, that are viable matches to other single, seperated, divorced or widowed matches.

So what are the general things you can learn from this post.
1) Not wise to "date" people that are still living together with their ex's
2) Not wise to "date" people on the rebound
3) After exiting a LTR, one should wait up to a year before dating
4) LTR with someone that is seperated is risky if you are looking to get married in the near future
5) People dating people that are newly seperated do have to deal with the fact that the person is in an adjustment phase specially if there are kids involved. This isn't necessarly a negative thing in fact it can be quite positive.
6) Dating and relationships are risky things to begin with. A certain number of opinions were expressed not to stack the odds against you by dating a seperated person. I
personally don't dispute this just the judgement is required first in assessing what that risk is rather than flatly ruling out all seperated people,

This thread keeps on living which is a good thing even though I don't agree with
a significant number of posts. Free speach and thought rules!

Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 396
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/4/2006 9:18:20 AM
Thank you denimandlace46
Joined: 2/28/2006
Msg: 398
view profile
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/4/2006 9:25:15 AM
if there not legally devorced its no biggie but if they were still living with them then not a fukn chance...
 MT Heart
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 399
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/5/2006 3:38:15 AM
Well I dont understand the difference between separated and divorced.Once you have made that decision isnt it just pretty much over? If someone wants to stay with thier partner why then leave and do the legal thing..OK maybe you need a reprieve to think things over before you decide to leave.Well then take time think but in my book dating is not giving you the time you need to mull a very big decision over its just saying hey I am here look at me am I single or am I married?
Then you have the other side of the picture I am still married left my "X" over 5 years ago.Why you ask am I still married? One reason was we had a son that would soon be 18 (he is now 19)And neither of us wanted to start a big issue with all that child custody B.S. and I left the state.Why am I "stll" married if my son is of legal age you ask? Believe it is not about love or uncertainy it is about the money.I cannot afford it even doing it myself. Why am I here on POF well I really do not consder myself married after so long and unfortunantly there is no law as with common law that says if you are out of the house,state and life of the one you married for so many years you are divorced.
This has posed a problem with someone I met his religous views which is ok by me but if you really care about someone in my situation either wait or help.Dont throw it away because you think God will strike you down if you have feelings for someone who is by all laws married but in thier heart of hearts thinks its been way to long to even think of it in those terms.
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 401
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/6/2006 8:02:04 PM
In answer to the original question posted....No, separated is not single and
no, I wouldn't want to involve myself with someone who is separated and not divorced or even someone newly divorced.
Having not been married yet, I darn well deserve a fair chance and dating someone who isn't legally free or who is acting like he just got out of jail is not a fair chance.
Joined: 3/22/2006
Msg: 404
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/7/2006 9:52:18 AM
I left my husband and spent one year just seperated with no legal action by either party before I really started another relationship. Then I spent the next 5yrs legally seperated before my divorce was final. Papers had been filed but without him agreeing to ANYTHING and always asking for continuances it took a long time. I guess everyone's situation is different. For me I would have spent 5 lonely years while the courts drug their feet. I am glad someone gave me a chance even though I was not legally divorced. If not I would not have had my youngest child. Not to mention I would have been very lonely.

However learning about the situation is important. You don't want to get involved with someone and end up hurt. I think I would have to take it slow and find out the circumstances between them and the ex. Get a better idea of how serious they BOTH are about permanently ending the relationship.
 I Spy
Joined: 4/7/2006
Msg: 408
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/8/2006 12:36:40 AM
Separated people would like to think they are single. They think, therefore they are.
Joined: 1/24/2006
Msg: 416
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/8/2006 8:23:25 PM
Like everything else in life I think it depends on the people involved... personally I have only been separated (physically) for 8mos, but emotionally its been quite a bit longer. People stay 2gether for MANY dif reasons... u have to find out a persons reasons for their situation b4 u judge them. Meeting someone who is legitimately single or divorced does NOT guarantee that that person is any more ready/able to commit than anyone who's "just" separated.
Joined: 6/28/2005
Msg: 417
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/8/2006 8:33:02 PM
No, separated is not single. My ex moved out of the house while I was @ work one day. He left me a voice mail stating he couldn't live with me because he was having some problems and wanted "his space" so that he could work those problems out with a therapist. He continued to come back home on a regular basis, but never spent the night. He constantly gave me the impression that he was working on himself and wanted us to get back together. Well, I checked his cell phone records (on-line...because he was such a creature of habit with his passwords). Was I ever surprised! He had been talking to a woman dozens of times a day for ages. So, I will never date a man who says he is separated. Until it is legal, there is no telling what his situation is nor what he is telling his wife.
Joined: 1/17/2006
Msg: 423
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/9/2006 7:18:36 PM
Rocky444, Sorry ! Ask any Judge. He will tell you that a separated couple reguardless of whether they live together or in separate homes they are still married, not single. Even with a legal separation they are married until they are divorced. Once you marry you can never be single again. Check it out.I think a lot of people have got away from the question.I'm sure no one has anything against separated persons. It is one's own decision to or not to date separated , divorced, or widowed people. A lot of times it has to do with things they believe spiritual wise.
Joined: 3/18/2006
Msg: 425
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/10/2006 9:06:01 AM

Since the majority of this site is that of seperated [sic] people...

Where did you get that statistic?
Joined: 1/17/2006
Msg: 426
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/10/2006 6:44:29 PM
The spiritual wise I was refering to has to do with the bible. when your vows are read you promise to stay married till death parts you. You can not marry again till your spouce dies, unless one of you has cheated. The innocent pary is free to remarry. The guilty party may never marry again till the innocent party dies. Some of the churches still hold to this, which by God's word is right. Other churches make rules to suit themselves. To each his own, but this is what I meant
Joined: 8/7/2005
Msg: 430
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/10/2006 7:49:06 PM

Would you wish to involve yourself with someone not legally divorced? Whether they may be emotionally or physically apart or living in the "other" room or "basement" to spare the children or to save expenses....

No, separated is not single. Separated is still married, in the eyes of the law and the Church and most of society.

Honor the marriage until the divorce occurs, whether it's your own or someone elses. You will be a better person for it.
Joined: 3/10/2006
Msg: 431
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/10/2006 7:56:00 PM
I have been seperated from my husband for almost a year. He ruined our marriage with a drug habit and caused us to lose everything we have. We had to borrow 1000's of $$$ from my family and finally I gave him the boot. Now he is leaving me to raise 3 children on my own financially because he has not worked in 8mths. I feel that I don't owe him anything and especially not a divorce. He owes me a divorce. He f***ed up and he should have to pay for it. I'm doing enough. We don't live together. We are divorced in everyway except for the sheet of paper that costs 100s or1000s of dollars that says otherwise. Being a single mother of 3 I don't have much of a choice but then again I don't disagree with it either.
Joined: 4/8/2006
Msg: 433
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/10/2006 8:50:14 PM
I'm dating someone that's separated but I think he's doing alright emotionally.

I have a question though... what does it mean if he says he's been served and all the papers are signed? Why does it take so long after that for the divorce part to happen?
Joined: 4/5/2006
Msg: 435
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/10/2006 8:57:30 PM
i dont think so becuase you never know if they will go back to their ex. And I actually know from bad experience. I was talking to a guy on here a while back and we talked for a longtime. We would talk for at least 2-3 hours every night it was almost like a routine. We finally decided to meet up and it seemed to go well and I thought we hit off pretty well and I even got a goodnight kiss then like a week later our phone calls started to not be as long and even stopped and then he told me his ex was following him and threaten to take him to court and that and we slowly after that stopped talking. So I never get involved with a man unless he is divorced. But i'm now giving this site another chance and I actually been talking to and met someone who I feel is great so far.
Joined: 2/1/2006
Msg: 437
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/11/2006 12:28:49 AM
lots has been said here but I totally agree with the ones who say you need to look at each situation cause you never know, each is different thats for sure.
Joined: 2/1/2006
Msg: 438
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/11/2006 12:30:34 AM need to get out of that house I would like to email you sunshine2tan but it wont let me cause I am a woman and you are not lookin for a tell me how to contact you and i would love some advice on how to get out. thanks
Joined: 3/10/2006
Msg: 441
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/11/2006 2:39:28 PM
Attached to what???? Even if I were divorced from my husband we would still be attached on some level because we share am I ruined for all others?
Joined: 3/10/2006
Msg: 444
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/11/2006 5:25:34 PM
puppet master you explained that excellently!
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