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 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 342
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Is separated single?Page 8 of 37    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37)
When reading through these postings it is easy to pick out the people who are mentally single and those who argue that they are - their arguements proving exactly the opposite. Self honest is one the hardest things to accomplish. It requires much alone time, much thought, and much courage. So many people just want an easy button for that they can fast forward to where they want to be. Life doesn't work that way.

Regardless of someone's status, I won't get involved with them if they aren't mentally single even if they haven't been in a marriage for decades. Some people have the necessary tools to get over trama and some don't. No matter how much I may want to, I can't help them with work they must do themselves.
 Zep
Joined: 3/31/2006
Msg: 343
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/31/2006 5:56:27 AM
Anyone whi is burning in the pan and yet wants to jump in the fire lacks good judgement and will probably bring you nothing but trouble.
 daniellem
Joined: 3/9/2006
Msg: 344
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/31/2006 6:51:50 AM
ok I have been seperated 6 years.....pay my child support,now she wants spousel support......can she get it.....she has been living with a guy for 6 months now?????????
 Bluesmanon45
Joined: 3/28/2006
Msg: 345
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/31/2006 7:40:36 AM
Legal is legal, call a lawyer
 cegsfine
Joined: 2/1/2006
Msg: 348
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/31/2006 2:08:07 PM
floky, I have a very good lawyer hun thats not an issue at all. Just takes time to get the shit sorted out and on his part takes years for him to decide I guess, this has been goin on forever and am told will soon be over, so no worries. But then again I was told it would be over every other month for the past almost 3 yrs. He dosent want to pay me support and wants to fight me on everything, thats the hold up. Money was an issue in the marriage and knew it would be in the end.
 checkin-u
Joined: 1/28/2006
Msg: 349
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/31/2006 4:50:06 PM
^^^^ sounds familiar

and geesh we're on page 15 folks...let it gooooooo...breeeeeeathe, date whoever the hell you want.
 Bluesmanon45
Joined: 3/28/2006
Msg: 350
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/31/2006 5:01:15 PM
I think a large part of the problem is the use of labels....I just think that for me personally its wrong to put a label on someone at all...the only person I have a right to label is myself. Anything else is just assumption, and is probably in error.

True, there are people in different stages of adjustment that need time, but there's no label for that....its called life.

I think that about covers it for me.
 lovinglife2229
Joined: 1/30/2006
Msg: 356
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Is separated single?
Posted: 3/31/2006 9:27:01 PM
My personal opinion on this is when you are seperated you are in decision, you are either going to decide to work it through or you are going to decide to call it quits, either way I think you are not single, when you are single , it means 1. When you are seperated its the dividing of something, its not divided. Nothing is final until its final. As so many get back together and so many finalize. I think that when it takes so long to finally put and end to the relationship what is it that keeps you "seperated" or so long. You are basically in limbo. To be honest with outselves there is something that keeps us seperated instead of final, many can say, money, time, division or assests etc but notice that in those cases there is a reason for not making it final. I beleive everything happens for a reason. I personally think that if there is no hope or will at all to salvage a marriage then why would anyone hold on for so long. reguardless of circumstances, if ther eis a will there is a way. I think that most stay seperated long because if the what if and they feel like there is still something there so they are too afraid to let go.. As an example I have a friend who knows that her marriage is over, there are alot of excuses she could use to stay "seperated" but she fought tooth and nail to get that divorce against the money and all because she knew it was over.
 Polly_G
Joined: 11/21/2005
Msg: 362
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/1/2006 3:43:19 AM
I'm separated but put single. The reason is I've been separated for 10 years now. We live completely separate lives and he has a child with a woman he lives common law with now. The only reason we haven't gotten a divorce is because there was a mix-up at the registry making the cost of getting one more expensive. Neither of us have plans to remarry but if it was really important to whomever I was with, I would get a divorce.
 Kenb5b01
Joined: 11/1/2005
Msg: 363
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/1/2006 3:54:29 AM
I probably shouldn’t even post this because I haven't read the entire thread.
I just wanted to say that I agreed with georgiegirl.

I also think that the commitments of marriage is in the heart, not the paper.
 CissyLuv
Joined: 3/2/2006
Msg: 364
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/1/2006 4:41:02 AM
I've been reading some of these posts and had to put my 2 cents in.
A bit of information here. If you don't want to pay a lawyer big bucks to get a divorce try Legalzoom.com. For $250. they will write all the forms for you and all you have to do is submit them to the courts. Very easy process if you are both in agreement and there is nothing to fight over. The court will set a date and you could be divorced within 6 months.

If a person is separated or divorce the length of time makes a difference as to where they are at. For instance, if someone has been separated for a few months compared to someone separated four years (yes it does happen for various reasons) that person's head is in a different place. Some of you who have been on your own for a long time will understand this. A failed marriage can be like a death and there is a mental process some go through.

Now let's be intelligent creatures here. Separated is NOT living with your spouse. Get a grip. If you can't visit his place or the relationship isn't out in the open, like "DUH." Sorry but it is true. You should be stupid slap if you fall for that.

Also, don't judge everyone by a few. Some situations can be different. Don't make assumptions or someone wonderful may slip right by you. Weigh all the informaiton and trust your gut instinct. If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck...it's a duck!!
 youtouchedmysoul
Joined: 3/30/2006
Msg: 365
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/1/2006 6:17:17 AM
Thank you sunshine2tan It is hard to walk away but my heart cant handle the ride one day up one day down. I told her that only time would tell. She went on vacation and will be gone for a week and a half and I told her it would help her find things her own way.
 AREALANGEL
Joined: 2/5/2006
Msg: 366
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/1/2006 6:39:57 AM
Nope..still connected to the hip/bank account/assests ..you get him..you get her/ the kids..and all of marital problem baggage that goes along with it...

you will be used as a therapist/financial aid counselor/F$%K buddy..and a stepping stone..someone who helps his self esteem build up to actually dumping the ol bag and then he dumps you because he is "single" again and needs to sow his wild oats all over again..

anything else I left out?...
 youtouchedmysoul
Joined: 3/30/2006
Msg: 367
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/1/2006 6:59:26 AM
Yes you do get all of that except with my situation we were never physical just emotional thats why I will just walk away for now because her feelings are confused and it up and down I can see it in her actions just like in my previous post she will be gone for a week and a half I told her it would be good for everyopnes feelings but then she set it up so I would get a email everyday that shes gone the first one came today and it put me right back on that rollercoaster again I know she cares more than friendship but I told her she has to make the dicision on her own to make herself happy without anybody elses thoughts in her mind and until she is emotionaly sound and at pease with her self she will always have different feelings In her mind she is still attached to her other feelings and has to decide for herself which path to take. And I need to protect my heart and soul also from the pain and the rollercoaster so I will disappear in the distance.
 cegsfine
Joined: 2/1/2006
Msg: 368
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/1/2006 7:07:46 AM
The Lawyers told me........lol what is ( subsiduary income if you are working )and how do I do that?
 Whatyousee ...
Joined: 4/26/2005
Msg: 371
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/1/2006 10:15:01 AM
My 2 cents .....

Single is like virgin ...... You are a virgin once ... after you have sex you are never a virgin again .. even if you want to be or feel like you are. To tell anyone otherwise is not being honest.
You are single until you get married ... then you can never be single again. You either become seperated or divorced.

I think the real question here is not if you are seperated are you single again. It is more about being over and ready to move on.
Leagally you have to be seperated a year before you can get a divorce. For some when the seperation occurs it is over ... forever and always ... the rest is just paperwork. For others it is not over even after divorce .. some are scarred forever and will never be ready again.

Everyone is different. You can't make a blanket statement to cover everyone.

When you talk to someone you can tell if they have dealt with that part of life and have moved on or not. If they whine and complain and always talk about the ex then it is not over.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 372
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Is separated single?
Posted: 4/1/2006 11:10:10 AM
Haven't meet a man/women who is going through a separation that has little else in their mind. Don't want to hear about the drama. I have been widowed for several years now, and don't even think about it. I was actually glad when i finally forgot an aniversary date of my late husbands death - don't need past drama's in my head either.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 374
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Is separated single?
Posted: 4/1/2006 10:09:50 PM
I wish plenty of fish would show your matches with their marital status attached to the photo, so I wouldn't spend time looking at profiles of separated men, or have to give them an explaination of why I won't date them. Those of us who are widowed or divorced didn't create the drama currently in separated people's lives. Think I will just say now, please see forum on is separate single. Please don't ask widowed or divorced people to share the (sentence as the last person put in) work you must do on your own healing. That's your job. We can't do it for you. We might want to help you, but it won't happen if we get in the way.
 paganbutterfly
Joined: 8/27/2005
Msg: 380
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/1/2006 10:30:33 PM
This forum just hit me where it hurts! My last relationship was with a man who was "separated". Funny how our relationship lasted only until his one year or "separation" was up. Can we say "killing time" boys and girls? I felt like such an idiot!
 paganbutterfly
Joined: 8/27/2005
Msg: 382
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/1/2006 10:37:20 PM
Believe me, the lesson was BRANDED into my brain. "Must not be married" couldn't have been checked faster!
 checkin-u
Joined: 1/28/2006
Msg: 384
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/2/2006 6:32:31 AM
^^^ agree with ya computer guy...you sick em boy!!!! grrrrrrrr
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 385
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History
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/2/2006 8:11:16 AM
My profile clearly states that I am only interested in dating widowed and divorced men. I get a lot of emails that say - "I am separated but my case is different." "Here is the story of why I am different and why you should date me." I am not interested in dating anyone who isn't listening to or respecting the lifestyle I have choosen to live. You are welcome to think that there is something wrong with me because I haven't rushed out to get a new partner. When and if I remarry it will be because I have found the right partner for me, and not a moment sooner.
 frokkisser2
Joined: 11/17/2005
Msg: 387
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/2/2006 10:17:16 AM
...Is separated single?
[[[[...Message: I had a b/f once who told me he and his "wife" were living separate lives and just needed to sell the house before the split was final. We dated for 15 months ... and still ... he lived with her. Every week there was a new excuse for why the house was still not up for sale. Well ... I called off the relationship (when I caught him making a date with someone else). But years later ... learned that the "wife" knew absolutely nothing about any house sale or that they were splitting up. According to her, they were definitely married. I was very young and naive back then (20 yrs. old).

A few weeks ago ... I met with a friend who told me about a man she was seeing ... someone she really liked. He had been separated for 2 years ... and so she was positive that it wasn't a factor in their relationship. Well ... didn't he spend a weekend with the ex and kids (some big birthday bash) ... and they decided to get back together.

You just can never know. ...]]]

I know someone that was dating a "single" man that was living his "ex wife" in the same house for the sake of their 2 teenagers daughters
When she told me that I laughed What divorced man would still like to live in the same house with his ex???.
She did find out later that he was obviously still married
And yes...it happens:separate people might reconciliate with their ex's
That is the risk you have to take if you want to date a separate person
Some people consider themselves "single" when they are actually separated,so obviously is not the same thing,before the law that is still being married
 azscubaguy
Joined: 3/18/2006
Msg: 388
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/2/2006 10:37:55 AM
Of course separated isn't single, but it's much more important to understand both your dating goals and those of the person you're considering. I personally don't want to date someone who is separated or even recently divorced for several reasons: recent baggage is extra stress on a new relatationship, they are less likely to be ready for another long term relationship (my goal), and especially for the separated there is possibly competition and even a psycho jilted mate to deal with. Just not for me.
 asingle.redrose
Joined: 4/2/2006
Msg: 389
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/2/2006 11:50:48 AM
First off ...I'm new here so bear with me...This is my 1st forum I've joined in on…but it seems to hit home. When I was going through my divorce (separated) I met a really cool guy ( I can say that it was 23 years ago, lol), when I told him I was separated he said, "Get the divorce, wait 6 mo, and call me if your interested", WOW I thought he was a real jerk then. Needless to say, we never spoke again. Soon after that I met the man that I spent the next 18 years with... not married... but we went through our divorces together (we were both separated when we met). Funny thing, when the divorce's were final...even though we had someone else in our life, we both found our heart's broken. But it also finalized something and we were able to move on. Now, when my LTR ended it did just that... ended. And without the divorce I didn't have anything to help finalize it. After I spent 6 MONTHS, with my best friends ANGER, and DISPAIR.. My ex B/F got married, and I realized... that cool guy years ago really WAS Cool (and smart too). Life got better and now I can be a contributor to a new relationship. Unless the strings are cut (divorce) or in my second case one of you marry, there will always be obstacles in the way of making a new relationship work. So I guess my answer would be "No" ....Hope I did this right LOL
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