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 sunshine2tan
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 176
Is separated single?Page 8 of 37    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37)
nawwwww.....forum rules? pffffffffffffffffffft!......go for it guy!
 Oakluv
Joined: 3/7/2006
Msg: 177
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/11/2006 4:58:34 PM
NOT a good idea to get involved with someone who claims to be separated. I was burned badly by someone who was separated, claimed her and I were soulmates, said she loved me, said she was committed, and ended up going back to her ex'. Live and learn...."
 PinkPanther1967
Joined: 12/30/2005
Msg: 178
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/11/2006 5:04:36 PM
Separated is not single....separated is married
 sunshine2tan
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 179
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/11/2006 5:31:26 PM
Yes, even though it is deemed only LAW based....and godly based.....separated without the "papers" means there is still a connection....somehow....no matter what....and if a person is looking for "forever after" with those "papers" and there is nothing wrong with that......ie: ME..... for my own personal reasons....am looking to meet, get to know and commit....
 Ementat
Joined: 2/20/2006
Msg: 180
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/11/2006 5:34:41 PM
seperated is just another way of getting your nookie behind your husbands or wifes back. File the paperwork, sever you connection to your former S/O, and contine your now non illicit romance, that you were having anyways, with less sneaking around. Unless of course, that was the point?
 pickem
Joined: 1/18/2006
Msg: 181
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/11/2006 5:50:02 PM
i can only speak for myself and why i spent a lot of years "separated".. it was an easy way of not having to be responsible , in a meaningful way, in the relationships i entered.. it created a wall of "not really available".. and if something turned too serious..i'd leave.. in hind sight i can see the immaturity and lack of desire to commit to a relationship but back then i was sure i wanted to be in a comitted relationship... if that was what i was like then i'm sure there are a lot of others who do the same.. it doesn't mean don't date them.. just know that dating is all it might be... some people are ok with that.. for myself ..now if i see someone is separated, it brings on a load of questions ( and i know what questions to ask) about why they are just separated.. definately a red flag for me
 Onehelluvawoman
Joined: 7/31/2005
Msg: 182
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/11/2006 5:52:48 PM
You know....a thought has been lingering with me from the start of my first post on this issue....that thought was "Why are you even bothering with this.....a/ no one has ever knowingly held you "separated" status against you b/ and you wouldn't date a narrow-minded, self righteous person anyway.". That was my thought at the beginning......then I thought "What the heck...puttin in my two cents worth"...in the ever optimistic hope, that mayyyyybe, just mayyyybe ...someone might "get it"....get what some of us are trying to say...get a new perspective etc etc etc.
Each time I posted....deep down this little voice kept telling me....."you're wasting your breath".....hehe....and you know what....I should have listened.... That little voice is always right!
Onehelluvawoman is leaving this post...thank you, thank you very much ( in my Elvis impression voice ;) )

PS - Bandito.....you're the best!
 pickem
Joined: 1/18/2006
Msg: 183
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/11/2006 5:55:00 PM
if life were fair..elvis would be alive ..and all the impersonators dead
 worstguyonhere
Joined: 6/11/2005
Msg: 184
No
Posted: 3/11/2006 6:00:07 PM
Now where the hell did I put my copy of Satanic Verses to chant while hanging idiots? Shug you seen it around?
 sunshine2tan
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 185
No
Posted: 3/11/2006 6:08:02 PM
remarriage is actually adultery? has the other half had sex with another superultra?
 Feeniks
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 186
No
Posted: 3/12/2006 12:47:39 AM
What, then, do those who judge the separated unfit to be dating think about living together with your SO without being married? I would presume these same strong moral feelings would be applied here, yes? My thought process on this is that there are many who choose to "live in sin." When they break up their relationship, they are not legally married so they are not legally committing adultery (whatever the **** that means). So you can live with someone else but not marry and when you split up, you're good to go as soon as you feel ready, right?
Labels are so important.
 Feeniks
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 187
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/12/2006 8:15:06 AM
Who's ****ing with the thread title? A judgemental admin or someone with better hacker skills than mine? If the former, I'm outta here.
Google reveals: until 1986 in Canada, a divorce required a three year separation. Adultery is being intimate outside of a marriage and is punishable by two years in jail or 18 months of treatment for insanity in Pennsylvania. (Gotta love Google.)
New question: If someone lives in Florida, they can get a divorce in a month, so their 'waiting period' to become whole again begins a month after deciding to pull the pin on the marriage. So would someone from Florida date me if I'd been separated for a month, then did the same waiting period?
In Nigeria, BTW, adultery for a woman is sleeping with another man but for a man its only if he brings the concubine into the marital home.
 Talitha001
Joined: 6/17/2005
Msg: 188
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/12/2006 3:25:35 PM
When some men say they are `separated` from their wives...they mean since BREAKFAST!!!! I personally won`t date a separated man...Just MHO...
 Fran_Gal
Joined: 2/20/2006
Msg: 189
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/12/2006 3:56:26 PM
legally seperated is sperated.... not divorced or single.
 ItsMeDoggie
Joined: 8/24/2005
Msg: 190
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/12/2006 4:21:58 PM
i was separated from my x for 3 years before i had the money to start the divorce.i was in no way going to even entertain the thought of dating until the whole deal was over. if the person ius just separted,that means that there is still another person envolved...
 sunshine2tan
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 191
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/12/2006 4:31:41 PM
lol and the personal experiences keep coming in....and the equation is obvious....however, in defense of a few of the "separated" ones looking for love....yes I know...getting that paper sometimes is either not important or it is not affordable....and life really should go on and I think that if those papers are important to get.....then it will happen....somehow...in my case....when I was separated...I was involved in raising kids and looking for work and so totally absorbed (not my doing but....) in the legal system that I did not have time to think beyond a relocation and making the adjustment for the kids the happiest and smoothest thing.....so I did not even think of trying to find someone else....
 nasajack2003
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 192
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/12/2006 5:07:00 PM
In some states, separate(d) (ion) is viewed, and legally worded, as being 'single'. Stated in the petitions for divorce it will legally show separated parties can carry on as if they were single without interference from the other party, i.e., Florida and North Carolina. These two states recognize single conditions (at the time I divorced in NC in 1993, this was the case, and currently going through in FL) while divorce proceedings are ongoing. Even the wording and status can change from county to county within your own state! I'm going through that phase of 'time' which all it is to me is just that, TIME! You wait until the lawyers and courts tell you when the word 'divorced' can be officially used. Until that time, there are laws that allow you to live as a single person. I've been in this limbo status for over a year. The main house is for sale, and I currently live in another house bought in the past year on the eastern side of the state. There are no visits, midnight rendevous, or secret meetings with the soon-to-be-ex living on the western side of the state. I'm on POF, she is on eHarmony. So, have I moved on? Hell YES!

If all you know are the laws of your state, then of course there will be some doubt about another person's situation from across your own borders, making your decision to date someone 'separated' somewhat difficult morally and/or mentally. INDIGO ROSE is right...know what is being said, or legally worded, in your own state as well as the state of the other person. It could prove that being short minded might end up costing another chance at happiness.

In no way will the word 'separated' hinder my decision to move forward in my life while someone else (lawyers, courts, documents) decides for me when and where and how I conduct myself. If you (3rd person) can't handle the word 'separated', obviously its your ultimate decision. But to banish, condemn, or scoof at another person's status, lawfully different from your own, than you may be losing a chance to actually move ahead with someone you happen to like or vice versa.
 pepper2
Joined: 8/18/2005
Msg: 193
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/12/2006 5:08:25 PM
separated is separated just no forms have been filled out
 Vorax
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 194
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/12/2006 5:35:17 PM
I have gotta say, this whole thread is pretty scarry. It never really crossed my mind that people would feel so strongly about "seperated". I knew it would come with some stigma, but not this all out - stay away - attitude that some have.

I'm seperated and have to remain so for a prerequisite period of time (1 year) before I can legally be divorced. It sounds like alot of single people that were never married have no clue as to how hard it is to get a divorce. There are laws involved folks, it's not hop onto some website and fill in a form and poof your divorced, at least not in Ontario. That would be great and I could call her up right now and we'd gladly get it over with.

My ex and I were living in seperate rooms for over a year. I was trying to give her a chance to get on her feet and to ease our kids into the idea. We weren't sleeping together. We weren't dating anyone else. I waited until she got a job, then I moved into my own apartment and I now pay child support and alimony. We have signed contracts on the amounts and have split everything up.

Anyone on this board flagging themselves as "seperated" is probably more trustworthy then most (or at least demonstrating trust) - why? Because they are being honest about something that they know will be touchy for some people. If I put single on my profile, no one would know otherwise, but I choose honesty. Nice to know now that this may be working against me and others out there.
 molonel
Joined: 12/20/2005
Msg: 195
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/12/2006 5:46:52 PM
Lots of opinions, lots of different circumstances. Being "separated" is the gray area between "married" and "single." No, it is not the same thing as being single. For some people, it's pretty damn close. The caution - and probably a large portion of the venom - toward people who try to date while separated comes from the fact that some people claim to be separated when they are not, or when they are simply going to get back with the ex and just sipping some nookie on the side. The waters are further muddied by the differentiation between "separated" and "legally separated."

To answer the original question, I have dated women who were separated legally, and women who were separated but had not declared so legally. I am leery of this, however, and I need to have a strong sense of that person being separated and genuinely headed toward divorce before I would consider getting involved.

Having been divorced, myself, I am somewhat sceptical of the claims of finances being the only reason someone is not divorced. Divorce paperwork does not require a lawyer in the United States. I filed a copetitioner's divorce in the state of Oregon. No lawyer was involved on either side. We paid a mediator $350, and beyond that, split the cost of the filing between the two of us. All told, it cost maybe $200 apiece for both of us.

That's a small price to pay for getting on with my life.
 Feeniks
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 196
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/12/2006 9:41:42 PM
In most jurisdictions, but not all, intimacy with another while separated is labelled adultery. That's a pretty loaded term and I will concede to sympathize with those who choose to avoid the label. A small olive branch offered to Sienna. (Although the "separated means trying to get some nookie on the side for most", however that was worded, was still worthy of censorship.)

The term has, for me, Biblical connotations that are irrelevant for me as an atheist. The term has no legal meaning in Canada, in the form of having no prohibition or penalty. In some states it can affect the financial outcome of your divorce. As previously mentioned, In Pennsylvania it could get you 2 years in jail or 18 months in the nut bin. So if I indulge in such behaviour in Canada, it is less of an offence to society than jay-walking or speeding, which carry minimum fines.

Another loaded term would be "living in sin." Is it a safe bet that those here who are against intimacy with someone who's separated will hold the same view of living togther without being married. Or even of sex without the bonds of matrimony. Or are you selective?

Since some jurisdictions allow a divorce in a month, others require a year, and so on, I say that the label or "divorced" or separated is more reflective of legal definitions than a persons worth or capacity to begin another relationship. If I lived in Florida I'd be divorced by now. Since I live a Canada, I can't be. I doubt that the quality of the people varies that much. Its just a technicality to me.
 blondago56
Joined: 8/21/2004
Msg: 197
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/12/2006 9:59:46 PM
nope.... Married - living together = separated.... ( i would want to be a man's 'first' date/partner after his DIVORCE, anyway...) ohwell, Hugs to all...
 Talitha001
Joined: 6/17/2005
Msg: 198
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/12/2006 10:01:34 PM
Vorax...No offense but I wouldn`t get involved with a man who paid `alimony`...WTF??? She can`t support herself??? Child support I understand...but alimony I don`t understand!! Just my honest opinion!!
 blondago56
Joined: 8/21/2004
Msg: 199
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/12/2006 10:01:57 PM
big OOPS! ^^^^ "WOULDN'T" want to...........
 panaqqa
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 200
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/12/2006 10:04:32 PM
I would say that single is single - never married. If you have ever been married then you are either still married, separated, divorced or widowed. But you are never again single.
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