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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Is "separated" single?      Home login  
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 Feeniks
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 201
Is separated single?Page 9 of 37    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37)
...No offense but I wouldn`t get involved with a man who paid `alimony`...WTF??? She can`t support herself???


That sounds like a nice planet. No mamby pamby men in Alberta who just give their money away voluntarily like Vorax.

On my planet, when a marriage ends, the combined income of both gets split equally. There is an expectation of moving towards self-sufficiency but if one spouse has given up career possibilities in the course of raising a family (been a stay-at-home-parent), then the other must share earnings until retirement or re-marriage, more or less. If you buy the other a house and let them walk with a big whack of cash, that works too.

Where'd the post go from the nutbar that said you that if you've married you aren't ever able to take up with another girl? I thank my gods that people like that aren't running this country.
 kanucme
Joined: 1/2/2006
Msg: 202
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/12/2006 11:04:46 PM
I here what you are saying and totally understand. I kept the light on for far to long and was really emotionally scarred because of deception from my x wife. I chose not to go looking for any kind of a relationship for over 1& a half years. and as far as im concerned it all depends on what you can get for an honest answer whether or not theres hope to keep the candle lit or not.
 sandilynne
Joined: 12/8/2005
Msg: 203
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/15/2006 4:14:13 AM
My ex and I seperated in '97. We are still friends, we worked together at raising our kids, but there is no chance of reconcilliation. We agreed on the division of material objects and visitation (of the children) was never an issue, he's their dad, they should spend time together-no question. Divorce is just a matter of paperwork that we never bothered with. Working out things amicably meant there was no need to involve courts & lawyers etc., so why bother spending a lot of money on a piece of paper? If either of us was to decide to remarry somewhere down the line, then of course we'd need to take care of that particular "legal" detail, but until that day comes, (if it ever does)...???
Therefore in my opinion, (at least in my case), yes separated is single.
 goodguy4uladies
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 204
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/15/2006 7:40:52 AM
The peice of paper don't mean they're together and it don't mean their apart.

A married couple going through a divorce has as much a chance of reconcilation as an already legally divorced couple who remain close. Paper or no paper it would depend on the individual.
 delytful
Joined: 11/8/2005
Msg: 205
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/15/2006 8:01:18 AM
Married people are married until the divorce is final.
 DentedKnight
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 206
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/15/2006 8:10:25 AM
Oh god...this thread again...
Legally you can't re-marry until the divorce is final.
Emotionally and mentally you are as ready as you are. Period.

For some people, serial cheaters leap to mind, that means five minutes after the ink on the marriage certificate is dry. Sooner if the bridesmaids or groomsmen are cute. Anything else is chicanery. The hidden question is just another whine about "why wasn't I good enough? I know, I'll blame the Ex." If a guy or girl are into you, the are into YOU. If not, then they aren't and no amount of whining or finger pointing will ever change that.
 denimandlace46
Joined: 11/26/2005
Msg: 207
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/15/2006 8:19:55 AM
Well, after reading most of the 9 pages of this thread, I now have to put my 2 cents into it. LOL

I have been legally separated for the past 16yrs now. My ex has lived with the woman he left me for for all of those 16yrs.

I have NEVER said a bad word or put any ideas into my children's heads about their father in any way, shape or form as he did about me. My children learned on their own what each of us were like and made their own decisions.

I fully admit, we were both at fault. I don't plan on getting married again and if him and his significant other wish to do so then him being the leavee, he is quite able to pay for a divorce.

We talk to each other when necessary and are pleasant and courteous to each other at those times.

My ex is an only child and my Inlaws treat me like the daughter they never had and always will. My children and I spend the day on every significant holiday at their place. My mother in law calls weekly just to talk and laugh. I treasure the relationship I have with both my father in law and my mother in law and wouldn't give it up for anything or anyone in the world!

I agree, separated is still married and everyone's situation is definitely different, but now I question myself as to selecting that i'm looking for a LTR on this site.

Does looking for a LTR have to include getting married? Maybe I should change my selection pertaining to that section? Hmmmmm, sounds like something for a new thread! LOL
 QUEEN GUENEVERE
Joined: 1/24/2006
Msg: 208
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/15/2006 8:26:20 AM
Definitely not! It's an excuse to play and not pay!
 diggydiggy
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 209
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/15/2006 8:56:09 AM
In many cases, married is single.

This is a very individual question. I was "more" involved in a relationship with someone I wasn't married to than I was in marriage - SO, I believe it is based on the state of mind.

I was separated for a year and a half and fell in love during that time, so I certainly "felt" single. There had been counseling, there was no possibility of reunion, so effectively, for all practical purposes, I was single.

Apparently he was as well, as he started with a new baby and all of that....
 sweetpotata
Joined: 2/9/2006
Msg: 210
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/16/2006 9:02:45 PM
Nope yet some people who are divorced are more manipulated by their exes now than when they were married.
 Zadagow
Joined: 9/26/2005
Msg: 211
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/16/2006 9:22:24 PM
Separated means that the marriage is over. Only the paper work is left to be done. In my opinion, marriage is on its way out. It has no purpose unless it is part of your religious beliefs. My ex said that she was done. And that was the end of it for me and our children. I would never get married again and wouldn't recomend it for anyone else either. Marriage no longer has anything to do with comitment. So what does it mean?
 DanBuddy
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 212
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/16/2006 10:01:41 PM
There are really two questions here.

1.) Q: Is separated single?
A: Is wet dry? Is Night day? Is alive dead? Is short tall? I could go on and on here, but-- case closed.

2.) Q: How should I live my life?
A: That's up to you.


Three times I've dated women who said they were divorced. Things seem to be going well, then one day: "I need to talk to my lawyer." (Flashing lights, sirens) Oh, really? Did you rob a bank? (Then the true facts (as opposed to alleged)) I've gotta setle my divorce. Oh. Good luck, good-bye.

In retrospect I suppose it was the deception that flamed my ire. I was not able to choose the type of relationship that I cherish. 'Loaded dice the whole time.
 Carmellas2
Joined: 1/10/2006
Msg: 213
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/16/2006 10:06:35 PM
I've been legally separated for 9 yrs, the divorce has never been filed for to date, we just haven't gotten around to it. We have both moved on with our lives and no intention of ever going back. So I consider myself single.
 Libertine154
Joined: 12/7/2005
Msg: 214
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 10:05:57 AM
HI Sienna,

I have had personal experience with dating a long time separated man. I did know when we met that he was separated, only he led me to believe that divorce was iminent. Ha! I found out 3 months into the relationship that he had actually been separated for 8+ years and had seen an attorney once. Stupidly, I was convinced he would get a divorce before long. The upshot is I invested 2 years of my life in a dead end relationship. But, at least I didnt end up like his latest g/f...pregnant! :)
 lavernegirl
Joined: 3/25/2006
Msg: 215
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 10:19:34 AM
i'm recently separated, almost 4 months now and no i'm not on the rebound. yes i've worked on the issues that led to the separation, he was too controlling and verbally abusive, and there's no chance of reconciliation.
 PrettyWoman1952
Joined: 3/2/2006
Msg: 216
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 10:47:06 AM
Absolutely "separated" is still married. I won't even chat in a chatroom with anyone that isn't single, widowed, or legally divorced. When a relationship is over, it's over - get a divorce!
 dartguy
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 217
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 10:55:35 AM
Single & never married = Single
Married = Married
Separated but not legally separated = Married
Legally spearated = separate
divorced = divorced

Been divorced for 9 years now and consider myself divorced. You cannot put single down on the tax forms if you have been married and divorced.
 Feeniks
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 218
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 10:55:35 AM

I won't even chat in a chatroom with anyone that isn't single, widowed, or legally divorced.


Good to see that you keep an open mind about things. Pithy analysis, too.
 Eva Riedy
Joined: 3/19/2006
Msg: 219
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 11:02:47 AM
If you're separated, you can believe whatever you like for example believing that you're single, however when you're trying to get involved with another person you should be truthful. I've had men tell me they're separated and then later said it was an emotional separation. WTF?? all the while they're still married and not even legally separated.
 Feeniks
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 220
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 11:09:10 AM
^^^^ And that belongs in the "Why can't people be honest?" thread. Really. Its more about the guy's character than his legal status. (which wasn't 'separated' anyway.)
 thai_paradise
Joined: 2/2/2006
Msg: 221
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 11:12:02 AM
doublepost oops
 thai_paradise
Joined: 2/2/2006
Msg: 222
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 11:12:46 AM
^ ^ ^ ^ I agree. regardless, separated is NOT single. Period.
 bluedecember
Joined: 3/25/2006
Msg: 223
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 11:22:40 AM
No way. If the parties involved haven't taken the legal steps to dissolve the marriage, then there is more going on than meets the eye. Many say they won't spend the $$ but if done through mediation, it is considerably cheaper than going to court with lawyers.

I don't understand why someone wouldn't want to close that chapter of their life to be free to move forwards. Clean slate, new start and all that...
 Feeniks
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 224
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 12:22:36 PM
separated is NOT single. Period.
Thanks, Thai, but message 217 already gave a good definition. Divorced is not single either, BTW. I notice your profile doesn't even say your status. Just 'dating.' Why is that even provided as an option?
The intent of the question is, is 'separated' elligible to date. Having read many threads here on this, the majority say 'yes.' I interpret your answer to be 'no.' Is that for practical reasons or moral. And if moral, does 'single' mean 'celebate?' That would be moral. How many who would refuse to 'date' a person who's separated agree with pre-marital sex? I wonder what the correlation is. I would respect the opinion of someone who doesn't date 'separated' people if they also didn't sleep with single people. That, at least, would show a consistency, even if I disagree with the premise.

And @Bluedecember, its a one year waiting period in BC, from legally separated to divorced. I'm half-way through it but moving on. But there is no 'clean slate' when there's kids involved, as you should know.
 bleueyegurl
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 225
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/27/2006 12:23:12 PM
I dont believe it is wrong to date while u are seperated....
Im kinda in that boat just waiting for the paper work...I filed for divorce last OCT but in the state ofMichigan there is a 6 mo waiting period for a divorce to be final with kids....So should i sit around and be miserable because im just waiting on legalities????
Well im not thats for sure, if it wasnt over i would have never filed for divorce....Over is Over So im moving on in a new direction the sooner the better.....

Bleueyegurl
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