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 Mitakuye Oyasin
Joined: 3/2/2006
Msg: 445
Is separated single?Page 9 of 37    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37)
Seperated means leaving your options open
for reconciliation with your wife or husband.
It means an unwillingness to "let go" and move on.
 floky
Joined: 1/17/2006
Msg: 447
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/11/2006 6:45:40 PM
nergal, You got that right. A question: Did you ever hear so many excuses for eating your cake and having it too!!
 babyfarmer
Joined: 3/10/2006
Msg: 458
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/11/2006 8:52:37 PM
Too many people are scared of getting into a relationship with a seperated person for fear that they will go back to their ex. If they are going to go back to their ex they are going to do it regardless even if they are divorced. Divorce and marriage is nothing but a peice of paper. I know plenty of divorcees who have given their marriage a second shot and sometimes even married again. By chosing to be with someone that is divorced verses seperated because you are afraid they will go back to their ex you are just giving yourself a false sense of security.
 UniquelyDifferent8133
Joined: 1/24/2006
Msg: 462
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/12/2006 2:22:43 PM
I believe that if you are married then you are married until you sign the divorce papers. If two people are separated then they are still married and there will always be that tie to that person. I want a man that is mine and not legally someone else’s. Not to mention that if I wanted to marry the guy I wouldn’t want to wait tell he divorced his current wife. It all would seem like a lot of drama and a lot of unnecessary work.
And heck if you are ready to move on with your life then be responsible and do it the right way no matter what the cost. If you can’t pay then do the divorce with out the lawyer by educating yourself on the process. Just don’t drag someone else into the mess and risk someone getting hurting.
 Nexus11
Joined: 7/15/2005
Msg: 463
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/12/2006 4:48:35 PM
I believe that even if you are separated, you are still married and should not be starting a relationship with somebody else. Marriage is a serious obligation. If you choose to enter into it, be prepared to abide by the moral code of marriage until you legally terminate it.
 floky
Joined: 1/17/2006
Msg: 465
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/12/2006 8:23:20 PM
So what? you are still not single, you are still married until divorced.
 floky
Joined: 1/17/2006
Msg: 466
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/12/2006 9:22:41 PM
Hit a sore spot huh! How many gray areas can you find in "is separated single"? There are only two answers. Yes or no. NO! no! no!I made a lot of decisions and choices in my marriage. I worked at making my marriage work.I did not file for divorce when I didn't get my way. Too many people now days do not try very hard to keep a marriage together.
So they separate and play around.I do not care what anyone says it is wrong to have sex with anyone other than your spouse.And it does not take 3-5 years to get a divorce. They just don't want one bad enough! The comment was not enane!
 cegsfine
Joined: 2/1/2006
Msg: 467
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/13/2006 7:07:32 AM
And it does not take 3-5 years to get a divorce. They just don't want one bad enough! Floky you are so very wrong there it can take that long. when parties cant agree on things it takes forever. You have no idea what your saying there at all. You have to look at the whole situation and know the circumstances before you can make a comment like that. You dont know my situation totally so dont tell me it cant take that long, and that I dont want it bad enough.
 floky
Joined: 1/17/2006
Msg: 469
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/13/2006 9:57:32 AM
cegsfine,I say it boils down to who gets what. If you want to fight forever and live in hell argueing over money that is your business.Evidently you want money more than peace or you would already be divorced.Whether both parties agree or not your lawers can hash out something in 3-5 years time unless both of you are greedy as hell or happy as things stand.It seems you are taking what I say personally. I think I know a little bit more about life and how things are than you do.I don't have to know your circumstances.You are the one who doesn't understand your options or don't want to. I stand by the comment. It does not take 3-5 years to get a divorce if you really want one.
 funnyfireguy
Joined: 4/13/2006
Msg: 471
view profile
History
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/13/2006 3:12:36 PM
I have been separated and living in a different residence since Aug. of 2003. She had JUST started to further her education to move from an LPN to RN. We took a year to go to counseling and try to see if we can save it... after a year... we were talking at the house and basically in a very casual conversation to divorce because neither of us felt that in the past year we hadn’t made any progress. We discussed a lot over the next few weeks. And getting back together was not one of them. We have a child, house and lots of other issues to work out.
Now remember I had said that she had just started to further her education to become and RN. I decided... and when I say I mean ME, that if she did not complete her RN schooling that it would have a DIRECT impact on my Childs life. So I told her that I would not be looking to file until AFTER she is completely done with school and had taken her board tests. so now fast forward to current date... she is done with school next month, and she has spoken to her attorney and I have an appointment at 9:30 on Monday and we have talked about who gets what and have spent the last 2 years ironing out as much as we can between US with out having to pay someone else.. Oh and get this....we are actually friendly... and laugh and even tell jokes to each other... imagine that... a friendly divorce... we both agree that the ONLY person to get really hurt if it is any other way would be our son. We BOTH know that there is ZERO chance of reconciliation. It is nothing that one person had done more then the other... we both agrees that the communication breakdown is what started it all....and it snowballed from there. I have seen comments about reflecting on where it went wrong... and I have done that... and I have actually been to a shrink about it to make sure I understood where “I " went wrong. and I have learned a lot about myself over the last 2+ years and will carry that over into my next relationship....so am I wrong for wanting my {ex}-wife to succeed? Is it wrong to not make her "worry about” a divorce while she is in school... though yes she was thinking about it and we talked about it... but in a way it was less pressure on her while trying to succeed. Sure I could have been divorced in a matter of months... but I like to think I am a better person for not MAKEING her do it while she was in school... I like to think of it as respect... I still respect her... I still want her to succeed...and I am still proud of her accomplishments..... But I am NOT in love with her.... and she is not IN LOVE with me.
Does any one know anyone that was divorced and got remarried after a few years? Oh wait. That can’t possibly happen can it? The whole thing of " well you can always work it out if you are separated is just a security issue, you have the choice to get over it and sometimes get over yourself. or actually listen to the other person and then make a judgment based upon what you hear from them... hell I even encourage you to talk to my {ex}wife so that she can tell you as well where her and I are. Let me dial the number for you. I know that not all males are honest... but how many females are just as bad? This has been pointed out many times... but it is true.

Floky, you said it doesn’t take years for a divorce... maybe not, but perhaps if you open your eyes and see that there are people that can work a majority of the issues out between themselves and keep their word when promises are made... such as in my case...it can take that long. So am I a bad person for doing it this way? I don’t think so. Could I have filed right away and 90 days later have a little piece of paper tell me something that I already know? I could have.... but I didn’t because I gave someone my word... and that person is the mother of my child and I want my child to respect me and the way we did things. People ask me if I am happy that I am soon going to be divorced... I say no... What is there to be happy about? A failed marriage? I wouldnt describe it as happy... I am over it ....but not happy about being another divorce statistic.

Is separated single... no it isn’t... but it certainly is a double standard when it comes to women and men. Just like the child issue... I have seen many profiles between here and the pay dating site I belong to that the female has kids and does not want anyone with kids of their own.. But insist that the guy must accept her kids as part of the package deal. bit that is a whole different issue alone.
 sdcoll
Joined: 12/28/2005
Msg: 472
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/13/2006 4:34:04 PM
well i didnt read to whole tread but in my case seperate is being single.but it tough to start another relationship with that piece of paper following u around.i have dated with out guilt so theres one example of being a seperated single.just my 2 cents thats all
 floky
Joined: 1/17/2006
Msg: 474
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/13/2006 9:26:59 PM
puppetmaster,That is fine if you agree with cegsfine, that is your right.But you missed the point, which was:IF YOU REALLY WANT A DIVORCE.I wish cegsfine the best and I hope she can solve her problems.A question: what has all this got to do with the question, IS SEPARATED SINGLE? And I am not divorced I am widowed.I worked hard to keep my marriage in good shape.
 floky
Joined: 1/17/2006
Msg: 476
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/13/2006 9:52:21 PM
funnyfireguy, You also missed the point. I said :"if you really want a divorce." It is your life and your own opinion is the only one that matters. Personally I would not live like that tied to one person. I would want to get on with my life, so I would have that divorce in the 90 days you mentioned.If I was the one wanting the divorce I would pack my personal things, take my children and leave and to hell with the rest of it. Why live in misery? Men and women alike have to pay support for thier children .I don't believe in adultry, so being separated and sleeping around would not work for me. OTHERS:I want it understood that I am not judging anyone or putting anyone down. What works for some would not work for me.
 painter007
Joined: 3/8/2006
Msg: 479
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/14/2006 1:09:19 AM
Nope seperated is still married. I would never want to be in the way of unfinished business. Plus I would hate to hurt anyone.. for me it would be the wife I could hurt by seeing her husband while seperated and she thinkin they might get back together. I would not do that to another woman.
 youtouchedmysoul
Joined: 3/30/2006
Msg: 483
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/14/2006 5:58:27 AM
So true I have a friend that was going to seperate from her husband and she started to have feelings for someone else when she told her husband she wanted to leave he put on the charm he started being the way he should of been all the time in there marrige she has her doults that it is only that he is being this way because she wants to leave I told her that she has to follow her heart and mind she is still emotionally attached and until she can decide what she wants for herself she now is really confused And the person she has feelings for is willing to walk away because he has feeling for her to and would do what it takes for her to be happy no matter what the out come.

She is the only one who can decide and in her mind she might be seperated but she is still married


it is so hard sometimes but life gos on
 Oregano Princess
Joined: 11/22/2005
Msg: 484
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/14/2006 6:02:10 AM
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO>

This is a question everyone already knows the answer to.
And as for not having the money, time, resources, support or whatever the excuse is for NOT divorcing.....
Another RED FLAG....why would you want someone who is unable to be in control of their life financially, emotionally, etc............

Get a grip....SEPERATED is the SAME as MARRIED folks 'cause you're NOT DIVORCED!!!!!!!!
 floky
Joined: 1/17/2006
Msg: 487
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/14/2006 12:21:15 PM
painter 007, Good for you I couldn't have said it better!!
 floky
Joined: 1/17/2006
Msg: 488
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/14/2006 12:27:11 PM
organeoprincess, thank you for telling it like it is.
 floky
Joined: 1/17/2006
Msg: 490
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/14/2006 1:01:08 PM
whittykitty53, Well where do you get off judging me. You know nothing about me. I have judged no one in my posts, just my feelings, knowledge,and opinion about things.I am not bitter as I have nothing to be bitter about. Age is just a number and if you are lucky you will still have it when you are my age. I probably have more in common with younger people than you. If it makes people angry that I don't believe in commiting adultry, then so be it.Tough s%$#.

puppetmaster, You have a good reason. some dont. I don't exspect everyone to agree with me.Everyone has the right to thier own opinion.


deminandlace46,I have read the thread from the start and do value others opinion.Kittywitty53 is really wrong about me but,nevertheless she has to live her life as she sees fit, and she has a right to her opinion.
 floky
Joined: 1/17/2006
Msg: 492
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/15/2006 7:10:53 PM
deminandlace, I don't think a generation gap has anything to do with it. I could be wrong about that,but I am very young thinking and acting.I think maybe it is how we are raised . People make different chioces. I know a lot of people say this is the 2000's, hardly anybody gets married anymore, we just will live together.That might work for them but not for me.I just try to do what I feel is the right thing for me.What others do is thier business, and your own opinion is the one that counts. We each have to live our lives as we see fit.Reguardless of the difference of opinions in how we choose to live. I wish you the best and hope you find that special someone if that is your wish.
 luv2laff61
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 495
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/18/2006 10:30:47 AM
Wow, this has been a long thread. I think some people have been a little narrow-minded, though. I see the merits and points of most of the comments, but really, there are many different situations in different relationships to generalize. Some people would just rather have a blanket policy of not dating separated people and that takes care of the issue and that is their business if they want to think that way. But I know in my situation that I left the house and didn't plan on going back and I filed for divorce right after leaving. It still wasn't final, but I considered myself single and started dating. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. Now if someone hasn't filed for divorce, then I can see how someone might perceive that in a negative way. I've had friends that have been in one of those relationships just to have the person go back their spouse. Now I understand that this could still happen even if one person has filed for divorce, I know, but the act of filing is a significant sign that a person truly wants to be divorced. I know it takes some money to file, so there might be an amount of time before someone can, but it should be as soon as possible if someone is serious about ending their marriage. So the original question, is "separated" single? I would say not in the legal sense, but it might be in the emotional sense, depending on the situation. I think you just have to play things like that by ear and get a feeling for it as it goes along. Just my two cents.
 Marilynized
Joined: 1/11/2005
Msg: 497
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/18/2006 11:09:42 AM
Yes ur single if ur seperated - but tread lightly in that pool kiddies - it ain't over til the fat lady sings. Or Um signs the divorce papers. Ok don't get all huffy over the fat thing its a joke. I feel the bullets comin already - and the 'what about when the fat man signs the papers' - yes that too. :) oops another bullet - damn i'm quick.
 gar_goyle
Joined: 3/20/2006
Msg: 498
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/18/2006 11:23:35 AM
Not sure if this particular opinion has already been expressed, but there are some states (South Carolina is one), where you MUST be SEPARATE and APART for a full year BEFORE they can even think about asking for a divorce (unless there is proof of mental or physical abuse,,this includes substance abuse). If it is for any other reason, you have to wait. So, what if you spend that time apart, and the marriage is truly over, and all that remains is for a judge to sign the dotted line? What if the marriage was over for years, but a facade was maintained "for the kids sake"? A lot of "what-ifs" to consider. To answer the OP's original question,,,,,if I were looking for long-term, then I would not involve myself with anyone that is not legally single. If I am not looking for long-term, then what is the harm in seeing someone that is separated? Is the separated person him/herself looking for long or short term? Maybe that person just needs someone to be with for pure physical comfort,,,,to help alleviate the stress of a broken relationship. Lots of questions that need to be answered when asking "involve or not with separated person". It is too easy to discount someone who is separated and "accuse" that person of being nothing but a sneak-thief-- someone who is just playing the market, all the time happily married and gets his/her jollies by being deceptive with other people. I will say, however, that being truthfully separated brings with it a more responsible attitude and approach to dealing with other people and their feelings. Sometimes, its better to just say up front "until I am legally divorced, this is all I can offer". The choice then is to either take it as offered or politely decline and move on.
Thanks for reading.
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 500
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/18/2006 7:36:56 PM
people, you're being damn foolish for NEVER considering to date separated people.
(1) if you can't size up whether a separated person COULD return to their X, you're just not capable of analyzing situations, you live your life totally by labels
(2) you could be passing up opportunities for GREAT relationships.
so keep on living your life foolishly by labelling others with black and white colors; you're just limiting your chance to find a great relationship, and giving open-minded people like me more chances of finding AWESOME people.
 cegsfine
Joined: 2/1/2006
Msg: 501
Is separated single?
Posted: 4/20/2006 7:37:38 AM
You can only see what you want to I guess, Its got alot to do with money yes, cause thats what it takes to care for my kids, or are you not smart enough to understand that. My kids are whats important, and for them to have equal time with me and their dad, and i will fight to the end to make life good for them with me and him, if ya have a problem with that then get over it. You just sit back and think you know what your talkin about and leave me outta your stupidity , open minded is the way to be and you are so not there. So when it comes to me feel free to keep your opinions to your self ty.
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