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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Is a 9 year age difference too much?      Home login  
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 jpwrnglrwmn_forumsonly
Joined: 4/23/2011
Msg: 199
Is a 9 year age difference too much?Page 9 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
I believe it matters at what stage in life the difference occurs,and where the two people are in terms of life experiences. I feel that by late twenties are where the age difference wouldn't matter so much. . For myself, I'm most comfortable dating someone who is 5-6 years younger or older, as the range.
 Lilygnat
Joined: 6/1/2012
Msg: 200
Is a 9 year age difference too much?
Posted: 6/14/2012 8:09:46 PM
I'm 20 and he's 29.

Problems:
He's slept with a LOT of people.
Most people with this age difference are at different places in life. Last guy I dated was 28 and the fact that I was still in college while he had a career was one of the things breaking us up.
I get called inexperienced a lot
The older one often takes on the role of provider/protector/sugar daddy.
The younger one often seems more helpless just because of the age difference. I sleep on a mattress without a bed frame. Normal for a broke 20, weird for 29.
The ways we spend money is different.
Really awkward is having to avoid 21+ events.

Good stuff:
I have a lot more respect for him because he's more experienced than me
He's great in bed
He knows what he wants already - ready for a family, etc.
I'll always look young compared to him - it's a vanity thing
He's not into college-guy stuff - drinking, clubbing, gaming.

It works for me because I'm a mature 20. I've seen a lot of life in the short time I've had. Single mom, I work full-time while in college, kicked out by my parents in high school, dated a lot of guys (slept with only 2), spent time in a hospital for a stupid mistake, traveled to multiple foreign countries, discovered and abandoned religion more than once, made out with a girl, almost got married. Most people spend their entire 20s experiencing what I've experienced in the last few years. It makes me less like a 20-year-old and I relate better to my older guy.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 201
Is a 9 year age difference too much?
Posted: 6/14/2012 8:20:41 PM

I'm 20 and he's 29.

I did just that. Yep. He was 20, I was 29. Worked for me at the time. I was legal to be in bars/clubs, he was not. I was not looking for something serious, and he was kept out of my "not so serious" life. Met someone 30 when I was 29 and we married. I'd not recommend a 9 year difference in that particular age range. 39/30? That worked well for me post-divorce. The romantic love of my life. There are huge differences between 20-30. Everyone is different though. Maybe it makes no difference to some. Today? I would NEVER be with someone 9 years younger. The mere thought makes me cringe. Nor would I be with someone 3-4 years older. My age ONLY. Life changes us. I want someone who's changed just like me. To each their own.
 BlackJacket87
Joined: 4/13/2010
Msg: 202
Is a 9 year age difference too much?
Posted: 6/14/2012 11:13:29 PM
I have an age gap difference. To each his own though. For me:

- You must be 21+
- Between five years of my age
 VTECturbo
Joined: 3/11/2009
Msg: 203
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Is a 9 year age difference too much?
Posted: 6/15/2012 4:49:16 AM
To the 20 year old with the 29 year old; all that 'life' that you've lived is going to catch up to you. Also men can look virile until late 40's early 50's, a woman stays nubile until 35 take or give. He's still going to look better at 45 when you're starting to decline at 35.

Just a little FYI.
 CraicIrish2
Joined: 6/12/2012
Msg: 204
Is a 9 year age difference too much?
Posted: 6/15/2012 7:06:49 PM
OK....soooooo what's the problem? I don't see one.
 CraicIrish2
Joined: 6/12/2012
Msg: 205
Is a 9 year age difference too much?
Posted: 6/15/2012 7:13:04 PM
Decline at 35?! I was with someone for 8 years.......I was in my 40's when we met.......HE was 8 years younger than me! Age difference was not the reason I left him 2 years ago....last year, he was looking to rekindle the relationship.....I wasn't interested.
 Hope_n_Hope
Joined: 5/23/2012
Msg: 206
Is a 9 year age difference too much?
Posted: 6/15/2012 9:12:21 PM
No, it is not a problem but you can always turn it into one ;)
Good luck
 MzLuv9390
Joined: 4/27/2012
Msg: 207
Is a 9 year age difference too much?
Posted: 6/17/2012 1:54:06 PM
Nope, not a problem at all. I have dated a guy 12 years older than me and it was awesome. It's only a problem if you allow it to be.
 BearFish11
Joined: 1/28/2010
Msg: 208
Is a 9 year age difference too much?
Posted: 6/18/2012 11:50:51 AM
Nope, not at all
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 209
Is a 9 year age difference too much?
Posted: 6/18/2012 12:29:45 PM

Is a 9 year age difference too much?


Every situation is different. I personnally have difficulty dating people that are over 5 years older or younger than me. I feel like I'm either patronizing and/or being patronized, depending on the situation. With older I feel I dont have that much stuff in common, and with younger....I feel like I dont have much stuff in common LOL.
But hey, age is just a number where love is concerned, so if you feel its right, you go for it.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 210
Is a 9 year age difference too much?
Posted: 6/18/2012 12:36:13 PM
I think it varies.
I think a 9 year age difference is different when you're 20 and when you're 60.
When I was 19-20, dating someone close to 30 seemed like a bit much.

Honestly, now that I'm almost 60, I can't imagine dating someone almost 70.

On the other hand, my 32 year old daughter married someone 41 and my 29
year old daughter is dating someone 40.

I think it depends on the generation. Sometimes 9 years can make a difference
and sometime it doesn't matter.
 Luv_Lyfe
Joined: 7/19/2010
Msg: 211
Is a 9 year age difference too much?
Posted: 6/18/2012 2:45:03 PM
At my age of 70 I find nine years insufficient. I only date women 15 or more years younger than myself.
 TLC200
Joined: 7/26/2014
Msg: 212
Is a 9 year age difference too much?
Posted: 9/19/2014 9:24:37 AM
i'm a 59 year old male and in 2014 so far I have dated 23 to 74 years old.

but my situation may not apply as I am a dater and not into relationships as I plan to leave the Youngstown Ohio area and move to a warmer locale much further south.

however I seem to have gotten along with all my dates and I still to this day occasionally take them out.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 213
Is a 9 year age difference too much?
Posted: 9/19/2014 7:33:35 PM

To the 20 year old with the 29 year old; all that 'life' that you've lived is going to catch up to you. Also men can look virile until late 40's early 50's, a woman stays nubile until 35 take or give. He's still going to look better at 45 when you're starting to decline at 35.

Just a little FYI.


That is wishful thinking that certain men tell themselves and the crap that women have been spoon fed for way too long to keep them "in line" and get them to settle for the first loser that would give them attention. Those days are OVER. Newsflash - I'm far from declining and I'm in better shape and have better skin, etc., than many men my age, and even up to 10 years younger. And I know plenty of women in the same situation. No 45 year old dude looks "better" than a woman 10 years younger, and no woman "declines" at 35. Unless you hang out with meth users, but that is your problem, and not reality.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 214
Is a 9 year age difference too much?
Posted: 9/19/2014 7:52:48 PM

Is a 9 year age difference too much?


Only if the younger one is under 18.
The authorities tend to frown on such relationships.


I personnally have difficulty dating people that are over 5 years older or younger than me. I feel like I'm either patronizing and/or being patronized, depending on the situation. With older I feel I dont have that much stuff in common, and with younger....I feel like I dont have much stuff in common LOL.


If you are serious, could you please explain further?

How is it possible to have so little in common with someone 5 years older or younger?

I go to concerts, I see people from 10 to 80.
I go to museums, I see people from 10 to 80.
I go to the beach, I see people from 10 to 80.
I go to Chinese restaurants, I see people from 10 to 80.
I go to movies, I see people from 10 to 80.
I go to cultural festivals, I see people from 10 to 80.
I go to county fairs, I see people from 10 to 80.

I have yet to understand why people DON'T have things in common simply because they are not the same exact age.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 215
Is a 9 year age difference too much?
Posted: 9/19/2014 11:44:18 PM
Not a problem, at 29 she should be reasonably mature and 9 years is nothing really at your ages.
Why are you feeling doubts? If you felt okay about it you wouldnt be asking advice on a dating forum from strangers.
She may feel you are too old perhaps? Most men would be happy with a younger woman and not find it an issue.
 RedrocksJen
Joined: 8/10/2014
Msg: 216
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Is a 9 year age difference too much?
Posted: 9/19/2014 11:57:18 PM

That is wishful thinking that certain men tell themselves and the crap that women have been spoon fed for way too long to keep them "in line" and get them to settle for the first loser that would give them attention. Those days are OVER. Newsflash - I'm far from declining and I'm in better shape and have better skin, etc., than many men my age, and even up to 10 years younger. And I know plenty of women in the same situation. No 45 year old dude looks "better" than a woman 10 years younger, and no woman "declines" at 35. Unless you hang out with meth users, but that is your problem, and not reality.


That's right! Misogynistic propaganda.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 217
Is a 9 year age difference too much?
Posted: 9/20/2014 6:55:47 AM
My general age limit is about 8-10 years in either direction. But there can be some exceptions. I once dated a woman that was 12 years older than me.
 Like2dance
Joined: 4/13/2013
Msg: 218
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History
Is a 9 year age difference too much?
Posted: 9/20/2014 3:54:30 PM
Nine years is not much as one ages. Back when I was 29 a 20 year old was about right for me. Now, at 61 I have to go more than nine years younger to find women attractive to me. For the past several years they have all been at least 20 years younger.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 219
Is a 9 year age difference too much?
Posted: 9/20/2014 7:24:07 PM

Nine years is not much as one ages. Back when I was 29 a 20 year old was about right for me. Now, at 61 I have to go more than nine years younger to find women attractive to me. For the past several years they have all been at least 20 years younger.


Another one of those guys who feels entitled to go way younger but won't consider anyone even close to his own age. I get tons of messages from guys like you on Match and I just laugh at them. None of them are attractive or anything special, yet they think that younger women age going to be into them. I am open to date guys older than me if they are in shape and active, and if I'm attracted to them, but if I see that they are only looking at women way younger than themselves, they are history right away, because it's a huge turn off for me (and many other women that I know who are online). If I"m willing to go older, then the guy better be prepared to do the same. Men still die earlier than women, so what's in it for a woman to go way older, besides being left a nice inheritance?
 Like2dance
Joined: 4/13/2013
Msg: 220
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Is a 9 year age difference too much?
Posted: 9/22/2014 10:04:50 AM
Just stating the facts of life ma'am, just the facts of life.
 Iam_RFSF2014
Joined: 9/4/2014
Msg: 221
Is a 9 year age difference too much?
Posted: 9/22/2014 10:32:03 AM
^^ If you can find women to date who meet your criteria, then good for you.

Not sure your experience can be extended to be the 'facts of life' - facts of YOUR life, perhaps, but not a universal truth.

I'm with the previous poster though who automatically eliminates the older match.com guys who clearly won't consider dating someone their own age. Heck, like them I tend to prefer to date people younger than me most (but not all) of the time, but I'm not interested in someone who is asking something of me they aren't willing to do themselves. I hear from enough other people (also -- I also don't think flying solo is nearly as bad as dating someone you don't find appealing or respect).

What I find comical is often these guys will either try to bully me into accepting someone outside MY stated age range (which goes 5 year or so above my age) or they complain to me about 'older women' contacting them ... Do they not see the irony? (Rhetorical, of course they don't).
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 222
Is a 9 year age difference too much?
Posted: 9/22/2014 8:55:29 PM

What I find comical is often these guys will either try to bully me into accepting someone outside MY stated age range (which goes 5 year or so above my age) or they complain to me about 'older women' contacting them ... Do they not see the irony? (Rhetorical, of course they don't).


Yup, I've had the same experience. They go "why won't you consider someone outside your stated age preference", and then I look at their profile and they want ONLY women who are a minimum of 10 years younger than them, yet expect me to date 15 years older. I even put a I big disclaimer in my match profile that I will absolutely not consider guys who will only date younger or up to the same age, but not even a year older. The funny thing is, quite a few guys have changed their age preference after reading this, but too little too late. They're only doing it to get me to consider them, when I know they are probably still not considering women their age or older. It's just such a turn off.

Yeah, it's not the fact of life, plenty of guys are attracted to women regardless if they are older or not. YOu can look great at any age. If someone insists on younger no matter what, it's some kind of fetish or issue, and I don't need to go there. They will probably dump each woman after a few years to go younger yet again.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 223
Is a 9 year age difference too much?
Posted: 9/22/2014 9:16:22 PM
The only younger women that message me (even 1 year), have younger children at home.

Nuff said.

I'm totally fine dating up to 10 years older then me.

I'm not a sex addict and would be happy with meeting someone I could make out with and accepted me, warts and all (no actual warts!). I'm a face guy btw. A nice smile is eternal:)

That being said, there have been a few instances where I dated older gals who listed older men in their age preferences, so they could feel young.

Insecurity perhaps?
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