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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?      Home login  
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 spudmama
Joined: 3/4/2005
Msg: 28
well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
after looking at pics and reading posts and profiles online, sometimes i get to feeling like quasimodo at a fashion show.
 damselinnodistress
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 29
well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?
Posted: 3/22/2006 6:27:23 PM
I think for the most part it is a fear of disappointing or being disappointed. Usually, when you have agreed to meet, you have built a bond with that person and discussed many things. Expectations at that point are high, no matter how hard you try to contain them. Perhaps it is just less stressful to not pursue. Maybe the guys/gals who IM you and want to meet for a drink the next night have the right idea? :D
 egbokuc
Joined: 2/22/2006
Msg: 30
well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?
Posted: 3/22/2006 8:03:55 PM
Why don't you think of it as meeting a new friend instead of a "date". i don't know anyone who can say they have too many friends and just can't use anymore.
 RockysMtn
Joined: 1/20/2006
Msg: 31
well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?
Posted: 3/24/2006 12:43:32 AM
I can't say that being afraid of dating at my age is the problem. The idea that in order to have a long term relationship means marriage, acceptance of an established family and friends is just more than I am willing to do at my age. I guess I have become very selfish. I already have kids and grand kids. I already have done years of that scene. Somehow I can't help but feel like a substitute in that setting. Why is it necessary to combine all aspects of two lifes? Does having a meaningfull relationship mean you have to be together 24/7? At my age I am ready to make new memories formed on a relationship between me and a woman. Just think how cool it would be to be able to have a refuge away from your kids and grand kids when you are able, yet still be able to be with them for those special events without haveing to explain or justify the man in your life. Oh well, guess I am just a fool to think that people ever become mature enough to except the good times without haveing the strings from the past control their every move.
 maree12
Joined: 3/7/2006
Msg: 32
well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?
Posted: 3/24/2006 2:41:19 AM
Bike, yeah, I can see singledom looming on the horizon, and it scares me. I can only say that you have to just take each meeting as a SEPARATE experience, and not expect it to morph into a relationship. A night out with a handful of different people can, at least, fill your evenings, and your diary so that you do not look like a sad loser who has to spend every night at home in front of the TV
 bikesnblues
Joined: 3/23/2006
Msg: 33
well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?
Posted: 3/24/2006 6:27:07 PM
Wow! I've been offline for a few weeks, and so surprised, AND pleased, to see such a response to my thread! This is not a response to one particular comment...I just couldn't figure out how to get back in. I appreciate the responses. It seems to me, just by skimming thru, that the ladies are somewhat more comfortable than the men are, with trying to meet someone after a long time of "singularity"! Is that because we guys get more set in our ways as we spend more time alone?
Again, I was surprised and pleased to see this still going! Thank you all!
 Jersey Woman
Joined: 3/24/2006
Msg: 34
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well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?
Posted: 3/25/2006 12:20:53 PM
Remind yourself that the first date is just a date. Think of it as spending a little time with a potential friend, not a potential partner. That might take the pressure off. Just be sure that the lady is also on the friend level too and not already thinking about the seating chart for the wedding. I've found that meeting soon after beginning to email and phone is the way to go. It keeps expectations where they should be.
 99c
Joined: 3/24/2006
Msg: 35
well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?
Posted: 3/25/2006 5:36:59 PM
What is there to be afraid of going on a date?
 salamander000
Joined: 10/26/2004
Msg: 36
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well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?
Posted: 3/25/2006 5:42:00 PM
I wouldn't worry too much unless he or she drools white foam, or bears excessive scar tissue.
 Widow96
Joined: 2/19/2006
Msg: 37
well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?
Posted: 3/25/2006 5:57:35 PM
In all fairness, are not we all "sizing each other up"? It's difficult at best to find two people that can get along in any kind of a relationship. Especially an intimate one. It's hard to find two people that click, and it takes time and lots of meets to do that. Don't be afraid of that process. If you don't do it, you certainly won't find a significant other!
 99c
Joined: 3/24/2006
Msg: 38
well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?
Posted: 3/25/2006 6:46:51 PM
Excuse me for the way this has to sound, but I have been online for many years, since the first DOS browser, Gopher, made at the U of M. All it did was let you connect to a computer, search a directory and download a file. There were no web pages. I mention this as the starting point of Internet culture.

Before computers became relatively affordable, the people you met online were either professionals or students. Chat was congenial and respectful. Web pages were usually tasteful. But when the price dropped and computers became a fixture in every home, the Internet turned into a hunting ground for perverts to find their next target, victim or conquest. Now when you go to chat, chances are better than 50-50 the guy has his pants off and is typing with one hand.

You would hope people act at least as well online as they do in public, but this is not at all the case. The point is, it is practical to adjust your expectations, unfortunately, and take it for granted that chatting online is not a very good way to meet people. Think of it like going to the worst part of a big city and hanging out in a dive bar. That's about the size of it.

To find more respectable people online you can go to specialty chat rooms, and forums, where the registration process and the site policies discourage sexual play.
 margoe
Joined: 2/10/2006
Msg: 39
well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?
Posted: 3/25/2006 7:26:26 PM
i think jerseygirl has the right advice-meet soon after you make contact- or at least talk on the phone. i've learned quite a bit from phone conversations , that I otherwise wouldn't get on the web. At my age , you learn to 'read ' a perosn bretty good by a phone call. Caught a few "phonies".
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 40
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well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?
Posted: 3/29/2006 8:41:37 AM
We all need to step out of our comfort zone at times in order to grow........

Just my opinion....
 tkhoyt
Joined: 7/2/2005
Msg: 41
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well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?
Posted: 3/29/2006 8:15:45 PM
I know just what you mean. I've been going though that " what am I doing" thing. I was married for almost 34 years and I am petrified at the prospect of throwing myself out there again. There are so many ladies I would like to meet but as of yet I have had trouble breaking the ice. I know that if they just gave themselves a chance to talk to me, they would find I am interesting, funny and can be very romantic. The thing I hate is the "no reply" s@#t.
It feels like a put down. Besides that, It's f$%king rude.
 bikesnblues
Joined: 3/23/2006
Msg: 42
well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?
Posted: 4/2/2006 4:45:06 PM
Again, so surprised, but thankful for the response!
It's like we are in high school again....do I dare ask this girl out for a date?? If she says no, which is what most likely will happen, how will I feel about the rejection? Or, even more frightening, if she says yes, WHAT DO I DO??? I can't possibly be good enough to even take this gal to a movie!!
So, it happens here. We see a profile that interests us, we, after so much deliberation, make the approach, and guess what!! We get one of three results!! 1..no response (I'm not even worth the trouble of a get lost note) 2. A response that says you are an ....(why did she advertise for us in the first place??) 3. A good, positive response, which then throws the entire responsibility back to YOU! Are you ready to go from typing to talking to meeting to acting? Hard to answer!
 brenbg
Joined: 3/26/2006
Msg: 43
well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?
Posted: 4/3/2006 1:03:19 PM
Yes, I think we all are. I hate first date, there is nothing really pleasant about first dates, they are so akward. Then you have the chemistry thing going on, are we going to have chemistry or is this going to be a complete waste of time? Ugggggggg I have been divorced 17 years and have dated a lot and been in 3 serious relationships during this time but the past three years I have kind of "sat it out"...I am beginning to think this is the way it will be for me....remaining single. If so, so be it - so far it has not been so bad. Sure I get lonely and find myself hoping that I do not grow old alone but I really think it bothers my son, my friends and family more than it does me. I just refuse to settle for anything less than what I want from a man. I know what I have to give and I know the type person I am and the time partner I would be and I am not going to settle for any less than what I expect from a relationship. Is that so bad?

-Bren-
 captnjimbo
Joined: 2/11/2006
Msg: 44
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well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?
Posted: 4/3/2006 7:39:23 PM
Not afraid, just very picky. When I look at a profile and I do and I read. I see several things that to me are deal killers. Stay-at-home's , country music, and and a mention of any diety. It's difficult to find a lady willing to share a life of adventure visiting exotic places. Always hoping that passion will develope. There just don't seem to be many of the opposite sex out there willing live an idealic life. Here's a for instance. A few years ago, I was in what I thought was a serious relationship with a lady. I had, from the beginning talked of sailing offshore. When I bought a boat, she freaked. That ended that. I've even met ladies who lived on boats but have no desire to sail internationally, or even go off shore. In fact most guys who own bluewater boats just dream of sailing off shore but never do. I just don't get it!
 brenbg
Joined: 3/26/2006
Msg: 45
well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?
Posted: 4/4/2006 6:45:31 AM
I am outgoing and have no problem meeting people, I think it is just when it comes to dating or getting to know someone of the opposite sex it is intimidating. You are right in the fact that the outcome is usually at the least, you have a new acquaintance/friend.
 lizwhip
Joined: 2/19/2006
Msg: 46
well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?
Posted: 4/4/2006 4:36:22 PM
I've been divorced since 1999, and only started getting "out there" again about a year and a half ago. It was frightening. Really, really scary. And I think a big part of that is because I was trying to look at someone and decide, within the space of a few hours, if that person was a potential "partner". Talk about pressure!

I've lightened up quite a bit since then, and have met some very interesting, enjoyable people. And I do want to meet one special guy. But there's no way to make it happen without making the effort. And I do believe it will happen, or I'd just give up trying.

Good thread, OP.
 nitanell
Joined: 3/31/2006
Msg: 47
well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?
Posted: 4/4/2006 11:29:04 PM
I feel the same way. I just read some guy's profile and he said to just jump right on in!!! You will never get to know someone until you meet them. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out! I am saying that but I am in the same boat as you are. But that guy's profile gave me the encouragement that I needed! GOOD LUCK IN YOUR SEARCH
 bikesnblues
Joined: 3/23/2006
Msg: 48
well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?
Posted: 4/11/2006 7:54:27 PM
well, captain ,you just don't get it, do you? Stay at homes?? most people our age do, unless the opportunity to do otherwise arises. Country music? 90% of America hears real country music, real American music. Deity? If you don't believe in something other than fancy boats, life of adventure, exotic places, then you are not looking for, and will not find a life partner.
But then, whp am I to speak?? I'm a stay at home guy, who loves country and all kinds of American music, and would rather see the Grand Canyon or Niagara Falls on my Harley than go to the "exotic places" across the waters. Why do people think that there is nothing worthwhile here in the US, and you have to go elsewhere to be "adventurous"?
I'll bet you like Jimmy Buffett, too!
 AugustFalcon
Joined: 3/20/2006
Msg: 49
well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?
Posted: 4/11/2006 9:10:22 PM
bikesandblues: Motorcycles, like the sea, have a way of getting into your blood. You have your Harley and he has his boat. You both like an adventure. Without reading all your posts I am going to assume that you too would enjoy the company of a female on your adventures, and even, perhaps, one your own age. But what if she told you she loved Harleys but refused to get on yours and ride with you. Would you understand why she did that? I think the captain and you may be more alike than you think.

I don't think there is a lot of real country music around anymore. There is some stuff a lotta people call country but it is just commercialized garbage; unoriginal with no passion or soul. And that, brings us back to the main point.

At this stage of our lives we should have had the experience to develop the wisdom to know what we want and need out of life along with the skills necessary to get to our goals. Fear or falsehoods should not be any part of this endeavor. Unfortunately in many instances that is not true: there are poseurs and liars out there. And some may be unsure of their skills and remain afraid of failure.
 lionkitty
Joined: 4/6/2006
Msg: 50
well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?
Posted: 4/23/2006 5:19:43 AM
Im scared of dating But like someoe said more scared of getting screwed over. I mt a guy on here. We chatted & emailed each other for a month. Got to kknow each other on line.Liked each other alot. Went out to meet for a cup of coffee just to meet in person at first. He never called me after that. Either that or they want sex right off the bat. I dont do one night stands.Sorryyy. Thats why I lie just chatting anymore.
 violet50
Joined: 9/26/2006
Msg: 51
well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?
Posted: 10/30/2006 6:03:25 PM
Good point Rocky - 24/7 isn't my thing either!
I am over 50 AND disabled ......so while 45+ is scary...my situation is a double whammy!
 Altered_Ego
Joined: 4/26/2006
Msg: 52
well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?
Posted: 11/5/2006 10:48:40 AM
Yes, I'm frightened.

It's easier for me because I have to wait for the divorce to be final, and then I want to allow myself to go through the Grieving Process.

I've decided not to actually go out "hunting" for women. I just want to get out more, socially. Maybe take some extension classes, join some clubs.

Oh, yes, I want to get to a Health Club and get back into shape.

There's bound to be some beautiful middle-aged women there!
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