Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 ABGirlxo
Joined: 2/10/2006
Msg: 41
view profile
History
well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
If your afraid of dating go to some of the PoF functions. Get your feet wet that way. No pressure and you meet nice normal people.
 99c
Joined: 3/24/2006
Msg: 42
well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?
Posted: 3/25/2006 5:36:59 PM
What is there to be afraid of going on a date?
 salamander000
Joined: 10/26/2004
Msg: 43
view profile
History
well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?
Posted: 3/25/2006 5:42:00 PM
I wouldn't worry too much unless he or she drools white foam, or bears excessive scar tissue.
 Widow96
Joined: 2/19/2006
Msg: 44
well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?
Posted: 3/25/2006 5:57:35 PM
In all fairness, are not we all "sizing each other up"? It's difficult at best to find two people that can get along in any kind of a relationship. Especially an intimate one. It's hard to find two people that click, and it takes time and lots of meets to do that. Don't be afraid of that process. If you don't do it, you certainly won't find a significant other!
 99c
Joined: 3/24/2006
Msg: 45
well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?
Posted: 3/25/2006 6:46:51 PM
Excuse me for the way this has to sound, but I have been online for many years, since the first DOS browser, Gopher, made at the U of M. All it did was let you connect to a computer, search a directory and download a file. There were no web pages. I mention this as the starting point of Internet culture.

Before computers became relatively affordable, the people you met online were either professionals or students. Chat was congenial and respectful. Web pages were usually tasteful. But when the price dropped and computers became a fixture in every home, the Internet turned into a hunting ground for perverts to find their next target, victim or conquest. Now when you go to chat, chances are better than 50-50 the guy has his pants off and is typing with one hand.

You would hope people act at least as well online as they do in public, but this is not at all the case. The point is, it is practical to adjust your expectations, unfortunately, and take it for granted that chatting online is not a very good way to meet people. Think of it like going to the worst part of a big city and hanging out in a dive bar. That's about the size of it.

To find more respectable people online you can go to specialty chat rooms, and forums, where the registration process and the site policies discourage sexual play.
 margoe
Joined: 2/10/2006
Msg: 46
well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?
Posted: 3/25/2006 7:26:26 PM
i think jerseygirl has the right advice-meet soon after you make contact- or at least talk on the phone. i've learned quite a bit from phone conversations , that I otherwise wouldn't get on the web. At my age , you learn to 'read ' a perosn bretty good by a phone call. Caught a few "phonies".
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 47
view profile
History
well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?
Posted: 3/29/2006 8:41:37 AM
We all need to step out of our comfort zone at times in order to grow........

Just my opinion....
 starr236
Joined: 3/10/2006
Msg: 48
view profile
History
well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?
Posted: 3/29/2006 2:48:31 PM
I think you are absolutly right . As you get older, you get wiser and sometimes not a fun It was hard as a young teen thinking about rejection but now OHhhhh. But I have come to the conclusion Love yourself and be happy with who you are and you will be amazed how people react
 tkhoyt
Joined: 7/2/2005
Msg: 49
view profile
History
well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?
Posted: 3/29/2006 8:15:45 PM
I know just what you mean. I've been going though that " what am I doing" thing. I was married for almost 34 years and I am petrified at the prospect of throwing myself out there again. There are so many ladies I would like to meet but as of yet I have had trouble breaking the ice. I know that if they just gave themselves a chance to talk to me, they would find I am interesting, funny and can be very romantic. The thing I hate is the "no reply" s@#t.
It feels like a put down. Besides that, It's f$%king rude.
 bikesnblues
Joined: 3/23/2006
Msg: 50
well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?
Posted: 4/2/2006 4:45:06 PM
Again, so surprised, but thankful for the response!
It's like we are in high school again....do I dare ask this girl out for a date?? If she says no, which is what most likely will happen, how will I feel about the rejection? Or, even more frightening, if she says yes, WHAT DO I DO??? I can't possibly be good enough to even take this gal to a movie!!
So, it happens here. We see a profile that interests us, we, after so much deliberation, make the approach, and guess what!! We get one of three results!! 1..no response (I'm not even worth the trouble of a get lost note) 2. A response that says you are an ....(why did she advertise for us in the first place??) 3. A good, positive response, which then throws the entire responsibility back to YOU! Are you ready to go from typing to talking to meeting to acting? Hard to answer!
 brenbg
Joined: 3/26/2006
Msg: 51
well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?
Posted: 4/3/2006 1:03:19 PM
Yes, I think we all are. I hate first date, there is nothing really pleasant about first dates, they are so akward. Then you have the chemistry thing going on, are we going to have chemistry or is this going to be a complete waste of time? Ugggggggg I have been divorced 17 years and have dated a lot and been in 3 serious relationships during this time but the past three years I have kind of "sat it out"...I am beginning to think this is the way it will be for me....remaining single. If so, so be it - so far it has not been so bad. Sure I get lonely and find myself hoping that I do not grow old alone but I really think it bothers my son, my friends and family more than it does me. I just refuse to settle for anything less than what I want from a man. I know what I have to give and I know the type person I am and the time partner I would be and I am not going to settle for any less than what I expect from a relationship. Is that so bad?

-Bren-
 dbndon
Joined: 7/15/2005
Msg: 52
view profile
History
well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?
Posted: 4/3/2006 2:10:07 PM
.

Yes, I think we all are. I hate first date, there is nothing really pleasant about first dates, they are so akward.


Wonder why? I don’t feel that way at all. Of course, I’m usually not expecting anything to come of it, either. To me it’s just having lunch with someone I talked with a few times on the phone. If we like each other, great. If we don’t, oh well. . . . .

Most likely, though, we’ll end up at least good acquaintances and probably friends.

Of course, I have never had a problem talking with new people. Almost everything I’ve done in life required that.
.
 captnjimbo
Joined: 2/11/2006
Msg: 53
view profile
History
well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?
Posted: 4/3/2006 7:39:23 PM
Not afraid, just very picky. When I look at a profile and I do and I read. I see several things that to me are deal killers. Stay-at-home's , country music, and and a mention of any diety. It's difficult to find a lady willing to share a life of adventure visiting exotic places. Always hoping that passion will develope. There just don't seem to be many of the opposite sex out there willing live an idealic life. Here's a for instance. A few years ago, I was in what I thought was a serious relationship with a lady. I had, from the beginning talked of sailing offshore. When I bought a boat, she freaked. That ended that. I've even met ladies who lived on boats but have no desire to sail internationally, or even go off shore. In fact most guys who own bluewater boats just dream of sailing off shore but never do. I just don't get it!
 brenbg
Joined: 3/26/2006
Msg: 54
well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?
Posted: 4/4/2006 6:45:31 AM
I am outgoing and have no problem meeting people, I think it is just when it comes to dating or getting to know someone of the opposite sex it is intimidating. You are right in the fact that the outcome is usually at the least, you have a new acquaintance/friend.
 lizwhip
Joined: 2/19/2006
Msg: 55
well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?
Posted: 4/4/2006 4:36:22 PM
I've been divorced since 1999, and only started getting "out there" again about a year and a half ago. It was frightening. Really, really scary. And I think a big part of that is because I was trying to look at someone and decide, within the space of a few hours, if that person was a potential "partner". Talk about pressure!

I've lightened up quite a bit since then, and have met some very interesting, enjoyable people. And I do want to meet one special guy. But there's no way to make it happen without making the effort. And I do believe it will happen, or I'd just give up trying.

Good thread, OP.
 leo52
Joined: 3/24/2006
Msg: 56
view profile
History
well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?
Posted: 4/4/2006 9:47:15 PM
I haven't been divorced as long as some of you so I'm might be in a different mind set. Called being like a fish out of water
My main concern is feeling safe..then it's like everyone has added..going throught the first meeting/date scenerio...I know who I am at my age but now I have to trust a stranger, knowing what I know about life..takes the fun out of being young and having lots of dreams
 nitanell
Joined: 3/31/2006
Msg: 57
view profile
History
well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?
Posted: 4/4/2006 11:29:04 PM
I feel the same way. I just read some guy's profile and he said to just jump right on in!!! You will never get to know someone until you meet them. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out! I am saying that but I am in the same boat as you are. But that guy's profile gave me the encouragement that I needed! GOOD LUCK IN YOUR SEARCH
 bikesnblues
Joined: 3/23/2006
Msg: 58
well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?
Posted: 4/11/2006 7:54:27 PM
well, captain ,you just don't get it, do you? Stay at homes?? most people our age do, unless the opportunity to do otherwise arises. Country music? 90% of America hears real country music, real American music. Deity? If you don't believe in something other than fancy boats, life of adventure, exotic places, then you are not looking for, and will not find a life partner.
But then, whp am I to speak?? I'm a stay at home guy, who loves country and all kinds of American music, and would rather see the Grand Canyon or Niagara Falls on my Harley than go to the "exotic places" across the waters. Why do people think that there is nothing worthwhile here in the US, and you have to go elsewhere to be "adventurous"?
I'll bet you like Jimmy Buffett, too!
 Dahliakitten
Joined: 10/14/2005
Msg: 59
view profile
History
well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?
Posted: 4/11/2006 8:42:19 PM
Think of what you and him can learn and share with each other. There is more to dating then sharing kisses. Provided you meet the right type of man/or woman. We are not all meant for each other. Some get lucky on the first date. Some on the 12th date. You can sit and stare at the t.v. and feel sorry for yourself or get out of your comfort zone and try it once and awhile. No pressure on yourself. Good luck.
 AugustFalcon
Joined: 3/20/2006
Msg: 60
well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?
Posted: 4/11/2006 9:10:22 PM
bikesandblues: Motorcycles, like the sea, have a way of getting into your blood. You have your Harley and he has his boat. You both like an adventure. Without reading all your posts I am going to assume that you too would enjoy the company of a female on your adventures, and even, perhaps, one your own age. But what if she told you she loved Harleys but refused to get on yours and ride with you. Would you understand why she did that? I think the captain and you may be more alike than you think.

I don't think there is a lot of real country music around anymore. There is some stuff a lotta people call country but it is just commercialized garbage; unoriginal with no passion or soul. And that, brings us back to the main point.

At this stage of our lives we should have had the experience to develop the wisdom to know what we want and need out of life along with the skills necessary to get to our goals. Fear or falsehoods should not be any part of this endeavor. Unfortunately in many instances that is not true: there are poseurs and liars out there. And some may be unsure of their skills and remain afraid of failure.
 GinSonic
Joined: 3/29/2006
Msg: 61
view profile
History
well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?
Posted: 4/13/2006 11:53:37 AM
Hey gang.
I don't profess to know the ins and outs of this online singles stuff, but I do know who I am and what I'm about.

I've only begun this venture since late last month. It seems to me that the rules of wooing, courting, pursuing, whatever, a possible mate still apply in cyberspace.

If you're a pretty woman, in most cases, you're gonna get alot of hits. Cuz there's so many of us "horny", if you will, males out there. {Guys. Please don't misconstrude this as a stereotype. It's just biological. We're the aggressors in most cases.} A man has to advertise, preen, put themselves out there, to attract a potential mate. Biologically speaking again of course.

It seems to me that if your honest with yourself and who you are, then the kind of posts, responses, introductions that you type to your matches should reflect that. If it's not sincere or has any inkling of BS, take a good look at what you're doing. One doesn't have to lie. I don't believe it's necessary online. I know it goes on all the time and many individuals embellish who they really are. That's part of the beauty and ugliness of the web.

But if you wish to attract someone in POF, what's the point in embellishing. Someone out there is going to like what they see and read in ones profile. It may take time, but truth be told? Ya' gotta work at it.

It's the same anywhere you go to a place to hook up with mates. You're not gonna meet anyone if you don't put yourself out there. And what I mean is, to REALLY put YOURSELF out there!

Rejection? So what. It's not the end of the world. And in a singles site, if some man/woman responds back with a no thank you, I'm not interested, you're not my type, too tall, too short, WHATEVER! You never met them anyways and and so nothing or no-one is any worse for it, unless you make it worse yourself. DON'T TAKE STUFF IN HERE SO PERSONALLY!

On the otherside of the coin, you may have a good dialogue going with someone. Chatline, emails, PM's, whatever. Take the initiative and set up a casual encounter over a harmless cup of coffee. What's the worse that can happen? They'll decline. BIG FRIGGIN' DEAL!
Best way to deal with any rejection is to be humble, thank them for listening, wish 'em luck in their searches and go on with life.

And man! If there is an agreement to actually want to meet? Woohoo! Revel in it gang! Go with it. Go through with it. Truth and honesty reigns in this regard. If you had any kind of dialogue via messaging through cyberspace, well, that's your icebreaker there, isn't it. It's exciting. It's exhilarating. It's what keeps us alive and hopeful.

Sure! There's gonna be some nervousness to a point, but that's the part that's cool. It keeps us on our toes! I'm not saying pick your nose and fart upon your first meeting. There are obviously universal protocols of first meets and impressions that come into play. Once again, and I don't care what anyone says, it's all about the biological elements.

I guess all I am saying is be yourself and just go with it. Take an interest in each other and don't try so hard the first meet.
Be cool all!
Cheers!
G.
 bear444
Joined: 2/15/2006
Msg: 62
view profile
History
well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?
Posted: 4/14/2006 7:50:20 PM
Single for 3.5 now and new to POF but got cold feet for recent party in Halifax (been a long time-34 yrs since went to singles dance) However; it seems go-e-mail-talk on phone- meeting and if any interest a date as such (dinner/dance/walk/drive/golf/pooletc.) However; I can appreciate the concern ladies have for that first meeting with stranger as such and I encountered that I would welcome her to bring a friend(female) with her to talk over coffee, tea or glass of wine or ale-does that make sense as it is not really a date- just a meetingfor friendship and then whatever may take place-THANKS!
 lionkitty
Joined: 4/6/2006
Msg: 63
well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?
Posted: 4/23/2006 5:19:43 AM
Im scared of dating But like someoe said more scared of getting screwed over. I mt a guy on here. We chatted & emailed each other for a month. Got to kknow each other on line.Liked each other alot. Went out to meet for a cup of coffee just to meet in person at first. He never called me after that. Either that or they want sex right off the bat. I dont do one night stands.Sorryyy. Thats why I lie just chatting anymore.
 violet50
Joined: 9/26/2006
Msg: 64
well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?
Posted: 10/30/2006 6:03:25 PM
Good point Rocky - 24/7 isn't my thing either!
I am over 50 AND disabled ......so while 45+ is scary...my situation is a double whammy!
 Altered_Ego
Joined: 4/26/2006
Msg: 65
well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?
Posted: 11/5/2006 10:48:40 AM
Yes, I'm frightened.

It's easier for me because I have to wait for the divorce to be final, and then I want to allow myself to go through the Grieving Process.

I've decided not to actually go out "hunting" for women. I just want to get out more, socially. Maybe take some extension classes, join some clubs.

Oh, yes, I want to get to a Health Club and get back into shape.

There's bound to be some beautiful middle-aged women there!
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > well over 45, and and afraid of the dating game?