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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > What ever happened to committment and chivalry?      Home login  
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 ladyrcmt
Joined: 4/3/2006
Msg: 126
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What ever happened to committment and chivalry?Page 6 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
pelandor
i think you speak a big truth there.
this does not apply to all men and all women of course, but i agree that the behavior you describe is the overwhelming trait in most women ages 15-30, and has been for at least 50 years.

i think historically speaking tho, women have been treated very shabby tho.

it's just kind of sad really.
humans on power trips can just be so unkind.
this is why, and it has been said often in this thread that respect and decency to all really is more vital than ever.
 studly23
Joined: 1/27/2005
Msg: 127
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What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 1/18/2007 4:30:14 PM
[The truth is nice guys were never truly appreciated for what they offered to a woman, because women knew they would get that any way without having to do anything in return, including being a real friend.]

This couldn't have been said better!! I demonstrate the good characteristics a well-cultured young boy was taught but it seldom seems like it's appreciated or reciprocated. I don't do it to seek attention. But I can tell after a handful of times making such gestures and not getting any sincere recgonition, it makes a man not want to do them anymore. And then we get these forums with women asking where it's gone to. And it's obvious where it's gone to.....your heads. It's gone from being noticed as a kind gesture to being taken for granted. If you want to be treated like a lady, act like one by saying "thank you" or "you're so sweet" or "that's kind of you" EVEN if you know you can do it yourself. Guys want to make the women around them happy. But they also want to be noticed for it just as you want to be noticed for other things that make a healthy relationship. Afterall, it's men that almost all the time have to put the wheel of kind gestures in motion. It's then up to the woman to keep it moving.
 mspiggy
Joined: 1/1/2007
Msg: 128
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 1/18/2007 4:52:02 PM
I am sure there are chivalrous men somewhere ...ok everywhere but he could be bald, short, or not having a desirable jobs, and we women tend to overlook or underestimate them. The chivalrious men we all see are coming mostly from movies: a strong, handsome man with all those positive traits...but come on people, lets face it, not every man are coming from an underwear ad, let alone getting one with chivalrious characters.

I have to admit that as a woman, I sometimes get frustrated being one, my woman mind sometimes thinks about things that I deep down inside know that I should not .... well I guess its just our own process of selection....
 neurotique
Joined: 1/6/2007
Msg: 129
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 1/18/2007 5:51:06 PM
A person shapes their world by their own actions. Lament, deride, or heap scorn upon other's un-virtuous actions to no avail. Want chivalry in your world? Act chivalrous. You then can sleep well at night knowing there's one more person in the world who reflects traits you found lacking when you started your day.
 lkjhgf
Joined: 7/19/2006
Msg: 130
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 1/19/2007 7:45:12 AM
most women are absolute pigs- truly they are- $ and looks- thats all they want- open your own damn doors- and pump your own gas
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 131
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What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 1/19/2007 8:55:12 AM

(Msg 139) most women are absolute pigs- truly they are-


And they say men are pigs, too. Hmmm, does this mean maybe, just maybe, we're finally getting together?

Hey, that reminds me of an old, old song. Remember this one? It's by Friend and Lover
It's called Reach out in the Darkness.

I think it's so groovy now
That people are finally getting together
I thinks it's wonderful and how
That people are finally getting together

Reach out in the darkness
Reach out in the darkness
Reach out in the darkness
And you may find a friend

I knew a man that I did not care for
And then one day this man gave me a call
We sat and talked about things on our mind
And now this man he is a friend of mine

Reach out in the darkness
Reach out in the darkness
Reach out in the darkness
And you may find a friend

I think it's so groovy now
That people are finally getting together
I thinks it's wonderful and how
That people are finally getting together

Don't be afraid of love
(Don't be afraid) don't be afraid
Don't be afraid to love
(Listen to me)
Everybody needs a little love
Everybody needs somebody
That they can be thinking of
So reach out

Reach out in the darkness
Reach out in the darkness
Reach out in the darkness
And you may find a friend

I think it's so groovy now
That people are finally getting together
I thinks it's wonderful and how........
(http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20061209151228AATmjY7)
 ladyrcmt
Joined: 4/3/2006
Msg: 132
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What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 1/19/2007 10:45:47 AM
i love that song! and i love that attitude.

we're all different,with all sorts of thoughts going through our minds at any given time, and so i try hard to remember to give people the benefit of the doubt and to not think the worst of them if there has been some strange or unpleasant interaction between us.
i learned to be much more compassionate and respectful of others when i put myself in their shoes.

manners, politeness, decency...to any and everyone...it's good for the heart.
everyone here has been hurt or disappointed by someone, but it is our own choice what we choose to do with those feelings...turn them into bitterness, or learn from it all which keeps the heart open and loving and kind.
 JMars
Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 133
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 1/19/2007 1:44:07 PM
Commitment went out the window when our soceities began to emphasize the individual good over the collective good.

As for chivalry being dead and women women killing it; guys, the code of chivalry was born out of the preChristian warrior ethic of the peoples of NW Europe. It was about how men should behave, formulated by men for men, and geared to earning the respect of one's fellow man. Women were never central to it. They crept into it as a result of being the physically weaker sex, and the code of chivalry demands that the strong protect the weak.

If anything killed chivalry, it was men allowing women to define and validate their sense of their own manhood.
 BuddhaNature
Joined: 12/8/2005
Msg: 134
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 1/19/2007 2:17:30 PM
I'm jumping in a little late here but it seemed for a while the thread was jerk vs. doormat. The discussion got a little heated but maybe I can add some insight.

A jerk has positive attributes that women like
(a jackass has the negative stuff)
leader/dominant/confidence - approaches and talks to women non-apologetically.
aggressiveness - it is the man's duty to pursue.
truthful - says exactly what is on his mind. She enjoys knowing when she is misbehaving.
exciting - you never know what is coming next

A doormat has negative attributes women rightfully hate.
submissive - follow her around and cater to her every wish and beg for a kiss.
buy dinners - trying to buy love or sex from her? no wonder she withholds from you.
liar - only say what you think she wants to hear. You are pathetically predictable.
boring - you only want to spend time in her world. Get your own life and be interesting.

I believe someone said "a man should never give up his power". I think he means men shouldn't become wussy. While, opening up to a woman is called intimacy and is certainly desirable.

Bottom line: Guys out there, be jerks - not jackasses or doormats.

Read "Way of the Superior Man" by David Deida for more info on men giving up their power and how it ruins the relationship.
 sprngrstar
Joined: 8/29/2006
Msg: 135
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 1/20/2007 10:11:44 AM
I was raised with my Grandfather as a father figure. As I see it my social habits skip a generation in the decline of western civilization. Basically stated, I was raised with the respect and courtesy this subject matter refers to.

I do not agree with the author's statement:
"Do unto other s as you would have them do unto you. More detailed, chivalry involved treating women as if they are ladies, even if they aren't, doing kindnesses unto others without having to be asked to do so, and being respectful to all those around you."

I'm in no capacity ready to agree that I need to continue to act in this capacity with a female who is proving herself less than interested in performing her share. How many readers here have witnessed the girl who tries to flirt or somehow draw out a mans attention simply to try to make her boyfriend jealous? How many of you have seen the psychotic girlfriend-on-her-way-out who belittle, betrays, and guilts men into acting in a manner which suits her desire of the moment?

That being said, why is it that the above statement expects a man to hold the constant of pulling out chairs, opening doors or otherwise attending to ALL women regardless of their actions.

I believe in treating a woman with respect. I believe in treating all people w/ respect. (Raiders fans are the exception.) But it's not a matter of human rights or unconditional love. A woman needs to do her part or it won't happen. There's no debate, we see the results in action. The more you see women stepping on men for their short-term gains, the more you'll see men becoming cold and less concerned.
 lookinbill
Joined: 12/26/2006
Msg: 136
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 1/20/2007 10:44:50 AM
Radical egalitarianism and feminism destroyed chivalry.

Chivalry is based on the notion that those with more social, economic and physical power have an obligation to those with less of the same to act with restraint. This notion ostensibly stems from a form of Christianity practiced in the late middle ages. If we are all equal in every way, there is no need for restraint. Darwinism, social Darwinism is in full effect. Welcome to the demise of Western Civilization and the social compact that made it great. Technological Barbarism is just around the corner.
 ][KAOS][
Joined: 2/24/2006
Msg: 137
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 1/20/2007 10:49:29 AM
It sunk, like the Titanic.
............................................................................................................
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 138
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 1/20/2007 10:56:21 AM
I recently spent time with my son and his girlfriend. He turned 21 a few days ago. He spent most of his evening ~ opening doors, pulling out chairs, getting drinks and basically ~ making sure his girlfriend and myself were having a good time. I guess that chivalry is alive, if it was taught and appreciated in return. I am a little stunned when I meet men my age or older who simply have no clue about the little things that some of us have taught our sons.

I don't know who's to blame, but for me, I am chivalrous and I want that returned. If he can't walk beside me into an establishment, if he doesn't feel the need to hold the door open to that establishment, I don't feel the need to see him again. I don't care about car doors, or pulling out my chair, but I WILL NOT follow some man ~ no matter where we are. When he forgets to treat me like a lady, I forget to answer my phone.
 Harry Peter
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 139
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 1/20/2007 11:32:56 AM
What many forget is that back when chivalry was the more common thing, women were burned at stakes, weren't allowed to do much more than cook and pop out babies, and were slapped by their men for talking back, with little if any penalty. Times sucked then and they suck now. They will suck tomorrow. G night:)
 Hey Mikey! He likes it
Joined: 5/31/2006
Msg: 140
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 1/20/2007 11:38:45 AM
A chivalrous man is many things all at once. He is honest, respectful, trustworthy, loyal, helpful, honorable, courteous, kind, faithful, dependable

Dont we get it guys??? Some women dont want this because guys like that are BORING! too predictable and will jump anytime a woman says to do so. Or so these women have it in their heads!
 JustCallMeMike
Joined: 5/29/2006
Msg: 141
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What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 1/20/2007 2:02:23 PM
This is what happened with committment and chivalry...

1. Women in many cultures wanted to break away from what they preceived as male domination/determined roles (which some of them were and should be dealt away with while some still upheld).
2. Too many men used these concepts as weapons of control and a means to justify their less than honorable and honest actions.
3. Women who believe that they are independent and to second guess every action of the male portion of the society, has forced men to adapt to a if you want to be equal with us, you will be equal all the way (and I agree, and it is also the natural evolution of society as we move away from the sensibilities of the old in order to justify and qualify the foolishness we stand for today).

To be honest with you, that second sentence is far from true. You can be very chivalrous and all those things above and still be wild and crazy. If you don't think so...Try having a romantic lunch in a secluded field and then seduce her into making love to you right there on the blanket in the middle of broad daylight during the meal. Or better yet, take her to a fancy restaurant and then in the middle of the meal, and then before desert, tell ask her where you two should met after giving her a hot kiss and firm groping. Chivalrous does not mean virginal, I am rogue and knight rolled into one.
 ladyrcmt
Joined: 4/3/2006
Msg: 142
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What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 1/20/2007 2:03:07 PM
jmars
#142
amazing post.
calm, direct, and probably the real truth of the matter.
 crayonzz
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 143
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 11/22/2007 3:26:08 AM
Oh my god! Just stopped laughing. Are you serious.

Guys don't cheat. One and a half times as many women sheat as do the guys. And a full 80% of all divorces are instigated by the wives, 10% by the guys and 10% by mutual agreement.
So forget this business about guys cheating. It's nothing more than an old spinsters tale which has gotten all the soft headed girls paronoid about cheaters.

Respect is something that is earned. It doesn't come automatically just because you happen to be female. The female junkie, who gives her one year old son heorin shots, so he'll sleep all night, while she goes out on the town. (Fact. Not hypothetical) Do you really think a girl like THAT deserves any respect at all? She thinks she does!

Let MEEE tell you about a little thing called chiviarily. The real thing I mean. Not the Hollywood version.

Chivialry was a code of violence, concocted by some of the most barbaric of the crusader knights. Most of these knights were actually criminal gangs in western Europe and the Kings wanted to get rid of them but didn't have the armies to do so.

They fobbed them off onto the holy land by getting the Pope to promise them absoloution for all their sins if they died on crusade.
The code of chivalry involved raping and murdering only Muslim women and only raping Christian ones. And even then, only raping married Christain women. It was a papal code to try to justify mass murder, rape and canibalism. On a few occasions Muslim babies were spit roasted and eaten..
 ichi-bon
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 144
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 11/4/2008 5:51:56 PM
WOW, I only got as far as the first POST on this...and yes it does still exist. I married one and they are far most sexier than any of the " new age men" I am sooooooo disenchanted with what is considered relationships, love etc now days..and I am not from the dark ages. I strongly admire men that know how to be a man. My son is 29 years old makes me one of the proudest mama's alive. He is respectful, takes the man's role......and treats his wife the way a woman should be treated.........takes the leadership.great dad..... Is he a dud.no ...cute as all get out, and an E-8 in the Army........ etc. But he has been taught to love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it. Even religion aside, any man that treats his lady with respect and puts her first will find that she does the same and the rewards are awesome. There are exceptions as always....but the reson I have seen most relationships fail is one persons selfishness and unwilling to give of themselves..only a taker.
I have definitely been hurt by them ...takers.......but they hold no reflection on the kind of person I am. God help me if I ever forget how to do unto others as I WOULD have them do unto me. I think Chivalry is NOT DEAD !!!!!!!!!!!
 Ambientflyer
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 145
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 11/4/2008 7:38:13 PM
There are a lot of women that can't do things for themselves... Chivalry is really called for in those instances when people can't do things for themselves. Now.. i did see a girl for a while that claimed she liked chivalry.. but really.. she just liked being taken care of.. by her friend.. by all men. I think we should all be helpful and respectful to everyone regardless of sex. But I'm going to be turned off by a woman who can't open a door every now and then, pay for herself, and even more.. can do those things but expects a man to do that. That is sexist and manipulative at its core and a complete turn off. These types of girls expect it not just from their lover.. but from any and all men in the room.
 Ambientflyer
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 146
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 11/4/2008 7:42:08 PM
IN REFF TO THE WOMEN TALKING ABOUT WOMEN NOT BEING SUBMISSIVE::: I'm a Bible believing Christian man who fears God a whole heck of a lot. And it still would turn me off if a woman couldn't do things for herself.

I reserve ultra chivalry for special occasions and the one I truely love. Shoot.. I hold the door for my male friends all the time if i hit the door first. If I have my hands full though she better well be ready to help me and not act like she can't hold the door. What a turn off... The bible says men should look for a woman who works hard with her hands... IE::: not helpless. A woman that expect such amenmities is a user. And shoot.. why can't she pay for my meal :) lol. how sexist.
 buffalolad99
Joined: 9/19/2008
Msg: 147
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 11/4/2008 8:05:47 PM
i have noticed on this site that all the women 35+ have some reason to believe all men are scum or something and they find this entertaining.My mom has been on this site for like 4 years and she is as miserable as before because she is crazy old lady and no one will stand for it.Aswell as all the guys think that they can pick up as many girls as they want cause they are on the internet.Really if you are 50+ give up and die alone i think really no one on these sites wants you when you have to change each others diapers.As for the topic i think that chivalry is not dead it is just un appreciated girls dont notice it anymore they expect it or want it to the degree that we run around our car and open the door for you.NO can you open the door yes.If i am ahead of you then i will hold the door open if your ahead of me hold the door for me.I think its very polite to treat a ladie like a ladie but to a extent that they know your doing it so they dont expect it.If you do it all the time then girls jus expect it and then you dont do it and you get in a fight because the door hit her in the face because you didnt hold it.Really a new era is upon us one where 68% of women are makiing more money then there man and enjoy there job more then there man.think about it within the last 100 years women rights went crazy everything was leveled and now that it is women do better dont ask me why cause i dont know.All i know is that if women want this so bad then they should learn that it goes both ways now a days and it shouldnt be so one sided.
 txsrose
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 148
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What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 11/4/2008 8:36:08 PM
Well, I for one am for Chivalry......but them I'm one of them crazy old ladies that should just crawl off somewhere and die as buffalolad99 suggested.

I was raised in the 50's when men removed their hats in homes and restaurants and Church, held doors for their date, helped them get in and out of the car, held hands, helped them up or down stairs. I have always appreciated it....and when a man holds a door open for me, they get a big smile and a thank you. I was married to my Prince Charming for many years and up until the day he died, he STILL held open my car door, held my hand when we walked somewhere.......and kissed me for absolutely no reason other than he loved me. I may never have that kind of relationship again......but I know a lot of men are still that way. Unfortunately, because of Womens Rights and the Burning of the Bra, many men now don't know what to do because many women don't want that done for them. But I appreciate it........if a man treats me good, then I will knock my self out to be sure he is happy too. It's a two way street.

I feel the same way about committment. A committment is between two people to love and care for each other, thru good and bad, lifes ups and downs and not bringing a 3rd or 4th person into the relationship.
 ichi-bon
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 149
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 11/4/2008 8:45:15 PM
"What a turn off... The bible says men should look for a woman who works hard with her hands... IE::: not helpless. A woman that expect such amenmities is a user. And shoot.. why can't she pay for my meal :) lol. how sexist.'


I don't think all women think of chivalry as being taken care of like that. I worked very "hard" with my hands, my heart, .....all of me......but I also knew that literally my husband would have laid down his life for me and I for him. Those were never just words to either of us. We preferred each other over everyone else. I had an operation 11 years ago, and no nurse could have ever been as good to me as he was.
He was sick for several years before he died, and I took care of him 24/7. Was it hard and exhausting , yes,,,,,,,,,,did I ever regret one minute of it.........only wish God had allowed me take care of him much longer.
Many times because he could see the toll it was taking on me.he said it would be OK to put him in a facility where he could be taken care of and make it easier for me. My answer was always...not as long as I breathe.
Even when he was at his weakest and using a walker or a in a wheelchair..........he either still wanted to open the door for me, hit the handi-cap tab for the door to open to allow me to go in first. I didn't and usually had to stand behind him with the walker to make sure he didn't fall backwards. He
He would never in all our years together let me walk on the outside of the sidewalk.........it was his job to be my protector.
I actually used to always tell him I could things myself, that I didn't require to be protected like a child. He always told me, I didn't need to be, but it was an honor for him to be able to. After that, I never questioned why.
Even the last time he left our home, I was very ill and going thru a lot of tests, he could hardly move and insisted that he stay there to take care of ME in case I needed him. His son took him home for a few days, he ended up in the hospital because he fell. As sick as I was, I went to the hospital, sat with him through-out the whole time before he died on our anniversary. I was sometimes so weary I could hardly stand up, but I was there. If I even left to go to the bathroom..he kept begging the nurses to find "his baby".
Just before he died his son brought me flowers in that my husband had ordered that day for our anniversary. Til the very end...........he put me first.
He was no weak man in any sense. He was a Union President three times, former AAA ballplayer, most stubborn, bull -headed man I ever knew. He would give you the shirt off his back.....but try to take it..and you got it in bloody shreds. Anything he believed in , he stuck to.
Still his priorities were straight where his wife, his help- mate were concerned.
He was from the south which might explain some of his feelings toward how to treat a lady, but geography really has little to do with how a man is inside. One of the things that always amazed my friends and family was that he spoke so highly of me even when I wasn't around. Even when we were arguing........he kept it our own private "dirty laundry".
I have a pretty intimidating profile up,,,,,,,,,,,,,,but I have done that to eliminate a lot of men that only want to waste my time and their own. I am not looking for another " him"......but I sure am not looking for a cheap imitaion.
Chivalry is still alive and well, and us over fifty.........we remember.........and most of us are not willing to "settle"
 Tungsten Carbide
Joined: 7/31/2008
Msg: 150
What ever happened to committment and chivalry?
Posted: 11/4/2008 10:59:46 PM
What ever happened to committment and chivarly? Are you shitting me?

I'll tell you what happened to it. It got killed by the modern woman. You can't even mention a woman's appearance on a first date or you automatically become stalker material. These days even the simple act of opening a door for a woman could seriously offend her. And if a guy wants to pay for everything on the first date just to make it effortless for her and thank her for the free time she has offered, **** no. Women are independent. They don't need us. Guys know this. The problem is, guys (heterosexual) need women whether they admit it or not. So we play your game of standoffishness and try to perfect the perfect medium between desire and restraint. The margin of error dwarfs even the mighty game of golf. So her us guys are, posting on some stupid board, hoping someone might read this and give half of a shit.
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