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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > How come we all get so picky after 30?      Home login  
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 JaredBoarder50
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 251
How come we all get so picky after 30? Page 11 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
For me its not about being more picky but definately more selective. However it is balance with a shift in priorities as well.

I think people that keep the high expectations on looks and gain new higher expectations on things like career, personality, kids or no kids ect will have trouble.

When younger I did not understand what I wanted other than to be happy and often tried to find the best personality out of the cutest girls. Now I think I am trying to find the cutest woman out of those that meet what I am looking for personality wise.

My priorities have shifted do to a lot of self discovery and finding why my past relationships did not work and how I can reduce the chance of that happening again. For me it was seeing the best in someone and expecting I could help someone along that maybe didnt get a fair shake in life as I had a tough childhood myself. However this hasnt worked out so well and now I looking for someone that has her stuff together vs another project. Also first and foremost for me is a woman with a good solid personal relationship with God, I dont want someone to change her ways for me so if she isnt at the same level as me at this stage I wont go further.

So yea we might get picky but I think we need to say what categories are most important and be picky with the ones that will actually result in the relationship working or not, and be open and forgiving on ones that are not. Like if I met someone that had done things in her past I dont agree with but she has learned from it and moved on who am I to judge when I have my fair share of that as well, but if she is still stuck in a rut like that its not worth it to me at this stage.
 _Shan_Rich
Joined: 1/22/2010
Msg: 252
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/4/2010 7:46:23 PM
Well I don't know about the rest of you but I missed out on alot of the social interaction stuff. In fact the most social interaction I have had is working where I do now, and that's not really saying much. I don't know maybe I'm unique in that I do not feel comfortable in groups of people. One on one or two for conversation is my limit any more than that and I tend to find a corner to go sit in or a way out. I've never really felt like I had anything anyone cared to hear about. In fact I'm so used to hearing people tell me to shut up, or go away that I avoid as much socializing as possible.

Another huge problem that I personally face is what I have in terms of both self and self worth. As for self, I'm a shy easy going guy bla bla comedic bla bla kind of guy. Not everyone gets me and for that reason it's difficult to maintain friends. As far as my self worth goes well I have a low paying job, I live with my mom, I don't own a car, I don't own much of anything. So to sum up I don't have anything to offer other than myself and for most women that's just not enough.

It's difficult to be picky when you can't think of many good reason's anyone would pick you. The whole "who am I" syndrome takes over in your mind, causing you to judge yourself rather than judging others. That in itself makes you appear a picky person to others even though in reality it's not them your critiquing it's yourself.
 JaredBoarder50
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 253
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/5/2010 8:52:19 AM
xshanx,

I think you understand your issue but are not acting on it, okay so you have self confidence issues... but dwelling on it wont help you. In fact you need to get over it if you ever are going to find someone.

You think what you like no one else likes, not true... sure its a minority but I know a lot of women that are "geeks" and into computers and games and such BUT they want a self condifent guy that isnt looking for emotional support and someone to listen to about how bad his life is. Enjoy what you have, and focus on positives only and others will as well.

Until you resolve loving yourself you will never find someone to love you.
 _NorthernBoy_
Joined: 2/8/2010
Msg: 254
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How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/5/2010 2:30:03 PM
Well, when you go in head first knowing you are going to fail, you will. I've met many a person over the years and have settled down with a few. If I went in to each relationship with the doom and gloom, I would never have done it.

Ok, so I'm back on the site after being gone for 3+ years. It was a pretty good run and I wouldn't have missed it. I never met, fell in love, moved in with her with the thought that this was going to fail. We truly believed it was going to work. My mind did not explode, nor will it. I'm still happy, single or not. Just another life phase is all. Next time it happens, it's for good....done deal.
-----------------------------------------------

I don't know if we are getting more picky or just more contented being on our own as we age a little. Granted, there are some things that we will not tolerate, but other things that we have no issues with that we may have had in our twenties.

Personally, I think that as we age, we define ourselves a little bit more each year and as a result we have a more definitive idea of who we'd like to be with. Not to be confused with being picky.
 ALT Nation
Joined: 10/20/2009
Msg: 255
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/11/2010 10:27:06 AM
lets see....by the time we are 30

we have experienced alot of relationships, from the douche to the skank and everything in between.

now at 30 were pretty much learned to avoid the above and thus making it hard for anyone to break thru.

Most ppl eff around til 30+ then get into serious settle mode?
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 256
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/11/2010 3:48:46 PM
you're late to the party, I was PICKY at 18.
 misszmsz
Joined: 5/31/2008
Msg: 257
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/12/2010 10:12:23 AM
Because I know what I want. And I want what I want.

But I don't understand your comment about somebody having to make up for bad experiences you have encountered in your past, and what that has to do with being selective in a mate.
 StevieCashmere
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 258
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How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/14/2010 9:21:02 AM
let's leave the picky people to their picky selfs!

~sc~
 flybuttersocial
Joined: 2/13/2008
Msg: 259
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/14/2010 9:28:48 AM
I'm not that picky, I think most guys aren't. For the most part I believe women to be far too picky searching out Mr. Movie Perfection that rarely exists.
 mibra
Joined: 8/30/2008
Msg: 260
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/14/2010 1:57:28 PM
It is SELECTIVE, not PICKY....
 noworrym8
Joined: 12/15/2009
Msg: 261
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/15/2010 6:43:22 PM
Yes, however, you don't have to go through bad relationships to be picky. I am living proof of that. Sometimes you've never really fallen in love and next thing you know you are 33, still single, but none the wiser The reasoning goes something like, "I have been single this long waiting for the person that fits my criteria. There is no way I'm going to settle after having gone this long." I do agree we all could use a little humility in our lives and perhaps desire what we considered "undesirable." Look at the movie Shallow Hal. In then end he was happy with Rose Marry!
 servantleader
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 262
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How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/16/2010 1:36:40 PM
we all mature. thru repetition we learn. so yeah we remember the good the bad and the ugly and base our mature desires of a mate to work. i wish i would've known now then. we could be celebrating some years together.
 34realwoman
Joined: 3/4/2010
Msg: 263
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/16/2010 8:16:24 PM
Some of the things that I'm looking for have gradually changed over time. However I don't consider myself to be more picky.
 Luke Lee
Joined: 11/12/2009
Msg: 264
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How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/17/2010 12:47:16 AM
We have lost too much sincerity and simplicity when we grow into an adult. Some people select to live apathetically, others want to live as another way, so that is becoming more and more far from each other.
 Rarebird76
Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 265
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/17/2010 10:46:24 AM

We have lost too much sincerity and simplicity when we grow into an adult
The more expectations and requirements one has the more they distance themselves from finding ANYBODY. So many people seemingly have this childish and immature need to have someone fit their perfect definition in their mind of 'the one' and provide this immaculate fantasy that they are set on achieving.
 Paws81
Joined: 2/4/2010
Msg: 266
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/17/2010 12:38:22 PM
Pft. It's rampant under 30 as well. Or is it my proximity to 30?
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 267
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/18/2010 2:49:17 PM

I ve been single for nearly four years and can count the amount of dates i ve been on , on one hand . Started to think it was just me .I can find something that puts me off every man I meet and than I start making a big deal of it in my mind and lunch them with some poor excuse

Yes, it IS just you, no doubt about it. :) You aren't interested in dating. If you suffer from Seinfeld-syndrome ("she eats her peas with a fork!"), saying you're picky or "high standards" would be a cop-out.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 268
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/20/2010 1:28:37 AM
I woke up this morning with a big dose of "You'll Do"

Yep, Ive Settled and your IT>!

Really, who wants to hear that ?
 Luke Lee
Joined: 11/12/2009
Msg: 269
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How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/20/2010 8:51:54 AM

The more expectations and requirements one has the more they distance themselves from finding ANYBODY. So many people seemingly have this childish and immature need to have someone fit their perfect definition in their mind of 'the one' and provide this immaculate fantasy that they are set on achieving.

I just live on my own way and I dont think we shall not insist anything. If there is any rule we should insist or already been existing, I think people could show us lots of theirs. If you dont insist any rule, it means you can not go anywhere as your life has become meaningless.
 Funfish518
Joined: 9/6/2008
Msg: 270
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/20/2010 8:27:42 PM
It's funny. I've always known what I want since a young age and perused it. Oddly enough though...in terms of fulfilling long term relationships, it's what I wasn't looking for that blindsided me and has been most rewarding. I'm 33, single, and try and keep an open perspective as far as love and relationships are concerned. If I had my way, a rich, perfect bodied, intellectual, virginal goddess would fall on my doorstep and it would it be pure romance till the end of our time. That is a pipe dream however, and I'd be pretty happy with a loyal companion who is enthusiastic about sharing mundane daily life with me whatever flaws she might posses.

I mean we all have our limits. But I firmly believe that being flexible and fairly open minded is a much easier path to finding that elusive, warmly, fulfilled heart.
 Luke Lee
Joined: 11/12/2009
Msg: 271
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How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/20/2010 9:35:54 PM
If someone can not understand his self-existing, how could we trust he can respect others as theirselives' existing? Self knowledge will not cause ruling others' lives by self expectations.
Being open minded is not conflicting to self knowledge.
 mibra
Joined: 8/30/2008
Msg: 272
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/20/2010 10:52:12 PM

So many people seemingly have this childish and immature need to have someone fit their perfect definition in their mind of 'the one' and provide this immaculate fantasy that they are set on achieving.

If someone had a "fantasy" for one to fit his perfect definition in his mind, it would be better to let him be single for a while or longer... It doesn't help to get him/her jump into a relationship.
We can't change people's minds or judge them by the status... Just leave it to the GOD
 eurosteve
Joined: 9/24/2009
Msg: 273
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/21/2010 5:29:32 AM
even being picky after 30 does not help sometimes. I have turned 31 last year and have decided to only date quality women from that point on and not just anyone that things may work out with, I have been on the search for the ultimate long term relationship from about 25 years old. The problem is that I am too nice, women see right through me and take advantage. I was contacted on another dating site by a lady that was 42 years old, she has been married in the past and has 3 children. Things went great for 2 weeks, we had an amazing connection and great chemistry but than things changed, she started getting busier and busier until I have decided to leave her alone and let her be, I believe she just told me what I wanted to hear or I was just like a fantasy to her but deep down inside she didnt know what she wanted. I thought someone that is 42, been married in the past and someone that had 3 kids knew what she wanted but I dont think she still does at 42 and I also believe her ex husband is still very much in the picture as well, a lot more than she has told me.
 RustyStrummer
Joined: 2/17/2010
Msg: 274
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/21/2010 1:32:50 PM
What an awsome question, well said. In fact, what you wrote here struck me because I'll be thirty-one in a couple weeks and I'm right at a point where im coaching myself to let go of my childish thinking. I think your statements were pretty cool because they really just reinforce reality... we ought to be accepting... mature, and get on with just being happy.
 davdo
Joined: 8/4/2008
Msg: 275
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/22/2010 2:02:25 PM
Becoming narrow minded is a sign of aging. Next shaking our fist at clouds, complaining about kids today, How bad contemporary music is, wearing black socks with shorts, taking salt out of our food, telling people to get off the lawn, and so on.
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