Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Tauvarish
Joined: 2/24/2009
Msg: 160
How come we all get so picky after 30? Page 11 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
Hi, I read a article in lavalife about dating after 30 & it helped me understand. I think it makes several valid points & makes u think about your goals & whats your willing to settle for.
 WanderingRain
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 164
view profile
History
What are we doing?
Posted: 8/16/2009 9:56:55 PM
I wasted my 20's so now as I near 40, I am more cautious about wasting time and effort. You can't just swing away. As a more mature person, you can now assess and make better choices.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 171
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 8/26/2009 11:33:42 PM
I think in terms of looks, people tend to be less picky after 30. I think after 30, you're thinking less flings & more true-dating-potential because you realize you're not going to be relatively young forever... so one's personality is more important. Couple that with not wanting to get burned, and you have a higher per capita of people who want to "get to know someone first". And of course, couple that with wanting to avoid naive mistakes at all cost, and you get more people bolting at the sight of any potential red flags before they'd genuinely appear.

And of course, you have some people who've been in bad relationships and are stupid-high on "I won't settle for anything less than I deserve!" with a chest-beating mentality, thinking they're the greatest thing since sliced bread (because they were depressed about themselves before). In situations of that nature, nothing will satisfy them.

... or, for women, when in good shape, they have the best of both worlds and just love people shopping. They're a cougar to the young ones, a good commodity for their age group, and a hot young lady to those who are older.
 Patarey
Joined: 5/24/2008
Msg: 178
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 8/31/2009 10:28:46 PM
Im picky because I know what will work for me and what won´t, Lord knows Ive had enough trial and error. Im tired and Im not taking any more crap from anybody.......

Plain and simple as that......... lol
 Sweet Beach Girl
Joined: 8/23/2009
Msg: 179
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 9/1/2009 6:13:26 AM
I think because we've been through enough experiances in our lives that we have more of a general idea of what we DO & do NOT want when seeking a potential partner.

If I knew now what I knew then in my 20's I would've saved myself a lot of anguish & heartache.

Yet, I do believe everything happens for a reason, so you grow from it and learn not to make the same mistakes and/or regrets later on down the road.

We are better, stronger & WISER people for it, so over time I think we are somewhat entitled to be a bit more pickier as we get older.

No one should have to settle, yet one should learn to compromise..it's a fine line we learn how to work into our personal lives, with friendships & relationships.

 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 199
view profile
History
What are we doing?
Posted: 12/21/2009 12:42:50 PM
Must agree with cinsav.

Women in their 30s (especially CHILDLESS women in their 30s) are probably the most selective out there, most likely because of loudly ticking biological clocks, which sounds somewhat contradictory -- you'd think that would make them more desperate. But we're talking about bringing life into this world. No matter how much all the men they've been involved with have ended up sucking, they're still not going to create life in a potential bad situation just to fulfill that dream. (Lucky for them there are sperm banks in modern times.)

Women in their teens and early-to-mid 20s usually aren't seriously thinking about having children anytime soon, so they can experiment with all kinds of questionable guys. So by the time they hit their 30s, they have a pretty good idea of the guy they DON'T want.

Then women in their 40s are usually no longer seriously thinking about having children, so a father (as opposed to stepfather) of their children is no longer a real consideration in their dating decisions, so naturally they can be less selective in general (though they are probably even pickier than a woman in her 30s when it comes to things she knows she doesn't want to deal with anymore). Plus, by your 40s, you've become a lot more forgiving about your dates' physical appearance, at least partially because you hope they're doing the same for you.

Men are harder to figure out. Or they're much easier to figure out. One or the other. Me, personally -- well, me personally, I have trouble figuring out. I'm not sure if I'm more or less selective than I was in my younger years. I've always been sort of at the bottom of the barrel and have tended to go out with whoever would go out with me at the time, but I obviously have always had (useless) preferences. I don't think anything much has evolved about that over the past 20 years. For example, I've always preferred the concept of dating intelligent women, but I'm fairly sure I've dated more women who didn't graduate from high school than college grads. I mean, you can only date the people that want to date you -- one's selectiveness is somewhat limited by this truth.
 Bella_247
Joined: 10/2/2009
Msg: 202
view profile
History
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 12/23/2009 3:18:44 PM
I feel it is because our frontal lobe has kicked in! lol psychologically speaking, this usually happens after the age 30.. this is our reasoning, and focusing area of our brains. We begain to know what we want and expect.. reason over what we are doing and see people for what they are worth and we see our own worth as well. Now sometimes we can lie to ourself or ride on hope... but we know what we are getting ourselves into and sometones we may say to ourselves..the heck with it and go on and do strange thangs and sometimes for change...lol lol But we KNOW!!! lol lol Now This is if we develope normally, dont have brain damage and are not sociopaths. lol lol

 Spicyone2010
Joined: 11/12/2007
Msg: 220
view profile
History
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 2/15/2010 7:58:38 AM
I agree with Howtch...not only do we know what makes us happy as we gain life experience, we're not willing to say that "it" (whatever 'it' is for you) doesn't matter to us...
 EGJV
Joined: 9/13/2008
Msg: 222
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 2/23/2010 6:27:41 AM

what I THOUGHT I wanted in a woman has very little to do with how good the relationship is.


Can you explain this concept to women? Please, the world will owe you...


On some profiles people may as well just list their own qualities and then finish with "I want to date myself"


I've seen this before; of course you want some shared interests but I've seen this to a Xeroxlike degree. I've had 2 wonderful relationships where we had almost no common interests, but got along so well daily there was no need.
 Leadfingers
Joined: 8/5/2009
Msg: 223
view profile
History
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 2/23/2010 6:40:44 PM
I am less picky than I have ever been IMO. But it's not like you're making any one feel better that you lowered your standards/expectations to be with them.
 arcticdude
Joined: 10/4/2008
Msg: 229
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 2/25/2010 3:31:30 AM
Haha, I like the opening post...
A few observations:
Looking for "perfection"?...I don't know about everyone else, but I'm not looking for 'perfect',just perfect for me (and there is a surprising amount of leeway).

I don't think we are any 'pickier'...Looking for hardbodies at 20?...Still looking for hard bodies at 30 & 40...How is that MORE picky? It's not more picky, it's just less realistic.
Finally, as for 'setting standards', We are supposed to learn from our mistakes and aquire a better idea of what we are seeking...I don't see that kind of 'more picky' as bad at all.
 ALT Nation
Joined: 10/20/2009
Msg: 237
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/11/2010 10:27:06 AM
lets see....by the time we are 30

we have experienced alot of relationships, from the douche to the skank and everything in between.

now at 30 were pretty much learned to avoid the above and thus making it hard for anyone to break thru.

Most ppl eff around til 30+ then get into serious settle mode?
 misszmsz
Joined: 5/31/2008
Msg: 239
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/12/2010 10:12:23 AM
Because I know what I want. And I want what I want.

But I don't understand your comment about somebody having to make up for bad experiences you have encountered in your past, and what that has to do with being selective in a mate.
 StevieCashmere
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 240
view profile
History
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/14/2010 9:21:02 AM
let's leave the picky people to their picky selfs!

~sc~
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 248
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 3/18/2010 2:49:17 PM

I ve been single for nearly four years and can count the amount of dates i ve been on , on one hand . Started to think it was just me .I can find something that puts me off every man I meet and than I start making a big deal of it in my mind and lunch them with some poor excuse

Yes, it IS just you, no doubt about it. :) You aren't interested in dating. If you suffer from Seinfeld-syndrome ("she eats her peas with a fork!"), saying you're picky or "high standards" would be a cop-out.
 ManInTheBox79
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 262
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 4/6/2010 10:07:11 AM
Lost innocence and stupidity. It's a shitty way to be tbh. I am 30 exactly, and I refuse to live by the I am picky adage. Why go into things with preconceived notions? You stand the chance of losing out on something amazing. Everybody is so wrapped in the "what does she have? And how does that translate to benefit me?" Forget that load of crap, people need to open their minds and hearts more. Somewhere along the way society has become so wrapped up in itself that we have forgotten what it's like to live!
 69lifein40s
Joined: 5/15/2010
Msg: 269
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 6/1/2010 2:42:12 PM
It because we have seen life better and near, we developed more wisdom and common sense, we acquired patience and resilience, we want steady relationships, we want someone honest and trust worthy.. we had enough and Now seriously we want what we love with a peace of mind .. thats essence why we are picky
 HappierAbroad
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 279
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 8/19/2010 3:45:43 PM

This country is in trouble, there are way too many over weight people. If I do a search for women in my age group, easily 8 out of 10 are over weight.



Ohhh yes, serious trouble my friend. This weight issue is one of the main reasons I chose to date overseas where the optinos are FAAANTASTIC. But getting back on topic, ...
Some reasons why Americans are the most overweight in the world are: 1) too much time spent in cars and homes rather than walking/public transportation, 2) lack of exercise due to laziness and too much work, 3) too much sugar, processed bleached white flour, preservatives and grease in their mainstream foods (none of which are good for you), 4) overly large meal portions, especially at dinner, even in restaurants, 5) focus on dinner being the main and largest meal of the day rather than lunch, which throws your system off balance and increases weight gain. (many monks don't even eat dinner to maximize their spirituality) Ideally, dinner should be the smallest meal of the day and breakfast the biggest, but Americans do the opposite.

Quite sadly, it has been known for a long time that the American population is the most unhealthy and sick among the industrialized nations.
 HappierAbroad
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 280
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 8/19/2010 3:50:21 PM

Everybody is so wrapped in the "what does she have? And how does that translate to benefit me?" Forget that load of crap, people need to open their minds and hearts more. Somewhere along the way society has become so wrapped up in itself that we have forgotten what it's like to live!


AMEN! A leading US social psychologist agrees with you

http://www.usnews.com/usnews/news/articles/070304/12qa.htm

Americans are narcissitic and the trend is worrisome according to researchers. Everything is about "ME", and the almighty dollar. America is no longer one of the better places in the world to live because its society is becoming so sick . Very sad indeed
 Diancarock1976
Joined: 11/23/2010
Msg: 295
view profile
History
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 7/19/2011 2:13:16 AM
Exactly at the above post!! Less time to waste, I can tell if I will hit it off with a guy from the first few minutes of conversation with him. It's really becoming that simple which is why I am becoming comfortable in my state of mind. Guys in there thirties can be interesting at times, but I seriously get sick of hearing about your problems, and what your ex wife did to you, and all that other crap. Keep it simple and lively!!!! Especially on those first few dates, no one wants a pity party when they first meet. Geesh!!!!
 alkattola
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 296
view profile
History
What are we doing?
Posted: 7/20/2011 1:03:40 PM
As we get older we have experienced things that we don't think its necessary to do again. Plus its harder to get rid of people that don't work out as we get older. Being busy and life is more complicated so therefore we don't allow as many people inot our lives without really investigating who they really are. I can't really tell you that its better to live this way or not but it is something we seem to do as we get older.
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  >