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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > How come we all get so picky after 30?      Home login  
Joined: 7/21/2010
Msg: 326
How come we all get so picky after 30? Page 14 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
I think that we've just met Mr Wrong (or Ms Wrong) over and over again, that we've learned what type of people we can knock off our lists of the qualities of men\women we don't want to get into a relationship again. When we were young we didn't know better, now we do. Sometimes we get too picky however, just making it harder on ourselves and quite possibly pushing that Mr or Ms Right away without knowing it.
Joined: 8/25/2010
Msg: 327
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 9/5/2010 3:57:37 PM

How come we all get so picky after 30?

Pickier in terms of personality. But not in terms of looks. At least, I hope not.
Joined: 4/6/2010
Msg: 328
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 9/6/2010 1:02:30 PM
I know that for me, I know what works for me and what doesn't work for me. I made a lot of mistakes in my 20s. I learned from them.

My list of things that I find unacceptable is rather short... but I stick with it. I have no problems being single. I'd rather be single than be in a relationship with someone that I am not really attracted to just so that I'm not "alone".
Joined: 6/4/2010
Msg: 329
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 9/11/2010 2:42:18 PM
I think it's that point exactly. We've all made mistakes, it's not about being picky now, it's about knowing ourselves more and what works and what doesn't. We need to be happy with who we chose!
Joined: 5/5/2010
Msg: 330
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 9/12/2010 4:31:51 PM
After reading the forums on here I am not sure anyone is learning anything from their past mistakes, except how to be bitter.

No matter what is going on someone seems to find fault with it. The dog people won't date the cat people, those without kids don't want to date single parents and even some single parents don't want to date other single parents because of issues of blended families, money etc. Those who get too much attention from a party online are wondering if that person is wierd while those that get no attention are on here are lamenting that fact. The ones that are perpetually horny want everyone of the opposite sex to jump into bed with them without a thought as to what that means while those that don't want sex unless it is part of a committed relationship are trying to avoid the ones that want to jump into bed. People are either too clingy or too aloof, too busy or they have too much time on their hands, they are doormats or they want everything their way. It just goes on and on and on.

Where is all this criticism getting anyone? Not out on a date it would seem.
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 331
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 9/17/2010 8:23:34 PM
How come we all get so picky after 30? When we were in our early 20's with our hard bodies and a future full of possibilities we would date basically anyone we thought was fun. Did not seam to matter what walk of life they were from or how they felt about politics or some other mundane topic... if we were both young and dug each other we gave going out a shot. Now here we are, all 30 somethings with our few extra pounds, few less hairs, emotional scars, dinged credit, stuck in our ways, past relationship baggage and what ever other socially unattractive qualities that we have accumulated over the years. And what are we expecting now from a mate? Nothing less than perfection. It’s like every time something bad happened to us in our past we make a small mental note saying “somebodies going to have to make up for that!” Why are we doing this to each other and ourselves? Not sure I really expect “the answer” but it’s on my mind so I thought I’d put it out there.

Regardless of what pop culture, books, magazines, etc tell you - women are no smarter at love than men. Ok, so with that said - here's what happens.

The typical American woman suffers from what I call "the princess syndrome." They are raised to believe the world revolves around them, that because they have a vagina, they are to be sucked up to, chased and treated like royalty. Now, here's the kicker. The average looking woman gets over this syndrome pretty quickly as she ages, but the hotties never get over it. When women are in their 20's they almost always marry the "wrong guy." The bad boy who treats them like garbage, knocks her up two or three times and then dumps her for someone else.

So, after a decade of being married Mr. Wrong - and keep in mind the typical woman's egotism - they go off the deep end in their 30's. NOW they expect nothing short of perfection. Despite their 3 snot nosed, bratty kids, their sagging chest, their stretch marks, their debt, their drama, and all the other bagage they've piled up over the years - NOW that they're in their 30's, divorced and bitter - NOW they think they deserve nothing short of Prince Charming and won't settle for anythign less. Because after all - what perfect guy can resist a size 15 ass that's popped out three unrulely undisciplined brats? Seriously!

I've said this before - 30 something women are to be avoided at all cost - less you happen to find one that isn't completely ef'ed in the head (which is extremely rare).

The 20 somethings are pretty straight. They either want a relationship or want to party. The 40 somethings have already "settled" down - they own their own home, have their careers - they're pretty straight on what they want. The 30 somethings? Holy shit, ef'ed in the head, full of drama, tons of baggage, overly inflated senses of self-worth, unrealistic expectations...

When a woman tells you she's in her 30's your best bet is to run - delete her number and don't look back. You'll be a much happier man in the long run.

Don't believe me? Let me tell you from personal expeirence. I've dated a lot of women - I'm not bragging I'm making a point. Out of the women I've dated - it was practically ALL the 30 somethings that I had to deal with drama, games, bullshit, and various levels of psychosis. As soon as I started telling the 30's to go ef themselves and stuck to ONLY 20 and 40 somethings - I have YET to have a single solitary problem.
Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 332
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 9/17/2010 9:53:04 PM
Just think this to yourself after 30: 'only 20 (or less) years until you're 50!'. *plays Steely Dans 'reelin in the years' and pays close attention to the lyrics.*
Joined: 11/21/2010
Msg: 333
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 7/15/2011 11:25:15 AM
Ha ha! I really enjoyed that post from cinsav about women in their 30s being psychotic, dramatic etc. I'm turning 33 and have 7 years of being insufferable to go, but at least I can console myself that now I know why I'm that way and I'm not the only one! Thanks! Heh heh....
 Dodge Danger
Joined: 12/11/2008
Msg: 334
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 7/15/2011 3:01:08 PM
Because your palette has been developed through all of your positive/negative experiences......................... Some points are more refined than others!
Joined: 5/10/2011
Msg: 335
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 7/15/2011 3:10:13 PM
I started looking a lot more for brains over body. Body still matters but brains are the biggest factor by far.
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 336
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 7/16/2011 11:46:57 PM
pft, I have always been pretty picky.
Why wait until your 30's to up your standards ?

PS when you hit 40's you will have to deal with all the divorces spawned by the late 20's and 30's .... there really isnt that much less drama this side of that demarcation line. Enjoy the Drama - it is your training for the 40's.
Joined: 8/4/2010
Msg: 337
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 7/17/2011 11:24:36 PM
Less time to waste...
Joined: 11/23/2010
Msg: 338
view profile
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 7/19/2011 2:13:16 AM
Exactly at the above post!! Less time to waste, I can tell if I will hit it off with a guy from the first few minutes of conversation with him. It's really becoming that simple which is why I am becoming comfortable in my state of mind. Guys in there thirties can be interesting at times, but I seriously get sick of hearing about your problems, and what your ex wife did to you, and all that other crap. Keep it simple and lively!!!! Especially on those first few dates, no one wants a pity party when they first meet. Geesh!!!!
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 339
view profile
What are we doing?
Posted: 7/20/2011 1:03:40 PM
As we get older we have experienced things that we don't think its necessary to do again. Plus its harder to get rid of people that don't work out as we get older. Being busy and life is more complicated so therefore we don't allow as many people inot our lives without really investigating who they really are. I can't really tell you that its better to live this way or not but it is something we seem to do as we get older.
Joined: 6/22/2011
Msg: 340
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 7/20/2011 1:41:41 PM
That's not true.. I'm 21 and I am extremely picky. If the men that I want to pursue doesnt meet my criteria, no matter how much I like him, I will not pursue him. It all depends on the mindset of the individual.
Joined: 6/5/2011
Msg: 341
view profile
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 7/20/2011 8:56:24 PM
First off, when we were young we were horny!
Now it's more about having someone we're able to tolerate.
Beliefs, habits & eccentricities are all part of the picture now.
It's kind of the last call I guess.
Joined: 7/19/2011
Msg: 342
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 7/28/2011 3:20:24 PM
At this age, we just know what will/will not work for us, and , as time is of the essence, no one our age wants to waste it. Simple as...
Joined: 4/6/2011
Msg: 343
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 7/28/2011 3:26:10 PM
All I know is I know what I am looking for.... I have everything girls in their 20's get married for. Now I can take my time and find a man who I want to share my life with.

Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 344
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 7/29/2011 9:25:19 AM
lol..I know this topis is over 5 years old...but still going to respond to the OP. I've actually become less picky over time. I didn't date at all in highschool and through a good portion of my 20s. I mean I would meet a woman here or there and we would go out a few times but mostly I would get the "no thank you but can we still be friends" response. Once I hit my 30's I decided I would have to be less picky so maybe more opportunities would to date would appear. They did...however that brought other issues. Most of the women I dated would go out with me for a number of months (normally 2 or 3), then when it looked to me like it was going to be a long term thing...they would give me the "you aren't what I'm looking are a nice guy (there's that word that guys hate), but I just see us as friends...I never wanted a relationship with you...just needed someone there". Normally within a year they would be married....friends tell me I have the "Good Luck Chuck" syndrome. If a woman wants to get married...they should date me...because the next guy they date will be the one that they get married to. HAHA!

The funniest two were when one girl sent me a text message two weeks after our last date telling me she had flown to Vegas over the weekend and had gotten married to the guy she was dating before me. Another...was the morning I was to go on a 2nd date with a woman. She texed me very early that morning....2:30 am...that god had just came to see her and told her I wasn't the right guy for her so she didn't want to speak to me again.

Now I'm in my 40's and seeing what's out there...part of me is glad I'm single...but part of me is also sad that I didn't find someone earlier in life. It's gotten tougher for me as there aren't a lot of available women where I live. I'm not going to move due to job situation and the fact that my family is all in within a 100 miles from me here. It also seems that the women that are around here and closer to my age...seem to be almost as shallow as they were back in high school...they want the popular guy...the guy with the money and the looks.
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 345
view profile
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 8/4/2011 8:00:33 PM
I love how you worded this post jonfozy! It was eloquent and so true. However, some of it is rightfully so, don't ya think? I mean I don't want a perfect guy. I just want an imperfect guy who is looking for some imperfect person like me. It's all about how the imperfections harmonize, ya know? I am not as picky about the person as I am about the relationship. I'm tired of the not-communicating, and having to translate what silent treatments are for. I'm tired of being with a guy who loves how much I love him back, but doesn't actually love me... for me. I'm not wording this as articulately... but please know that I am handicapped by this delicious chocolate cakey type ice cream at the moment! Hahaha.
Joined: 5/21/2011
Msg: 346
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 8/10/2011 3:19:46 PM
I'll be brutally honest here. A lot of us are either still stuck in thinking that someone should look like they did in their 20's or we're thinking about what this person will be like in the future, going forward.

The people who are stuck thinking everyone should look young forever, well, we don't and staying young forever is just a myth. We all age, get older looking and die. What is the percentage of men who are balding by the time they're 50? 80% or 70%? Women also fall victim to balding. I think it's 20% or 30% by the time they're in their 60's. We all get wrinkles, we all get grey hair, we all lose muscle mass... So as the people age that are like that, well, I'm sure they'll either be trying to go for younger and younger people (who in turn will see them as old and unappealing), or will just be forever disappointed.

Someone who's looking forward, they're considering what lies ahead with this person. If they're balding, they try to think of what they'll look like without hair. If they're greying, then what they'll look like with no color in their hair. If they're obese now, how much fatter they might get, or how active of a life they'll have with them...

I fall into the looking forward category. I'm an active person and couldn't imagine being with a couch potato who weighs 3 times what I do (easy to do that since I'm skinny, but toned). Obesity is the one thing that's an instant turn off with me because looking forward, I can't imagine myself with that type of person. And someone who hides behind old pictures where they were thinner, well, they're not fooling anyone. The first time someone meets them, the truth comes out. Luckily, even on head shots, there's a way to tell if a person is fat or not. If someone's obese, you can't see their collarbone. Simple as that. Works 100% of the time.

We all have things that are instant turn-off's. Whether it's drugs, drinking, smoking, fat, skinny, personality issues, work related (on welfare, or a go-nowhere job), tattoos, balding, or whatever... By the time we're in our 30's we know what we like and what we don't like and we try to get what we like and keep away what we don't. I don't really see anything wrong with that. It beats the 20's where a lot of us made stupid decisions in picking mates. :)
Joined: 6/12/2010
Msg: 347
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 8/12/2011 10:46:42 PM
I cannot speak for anyone but myself. I would not say I am picky. I know that I have lived. And experienced more in life now that I am almost 50, so I am more aware of likes, dilikes and tolerances than I was 20-30 years ago....even 10 years ago. I feel less awareness about materialistic assets and am more apt to notice deeper character traits. That being said, person's character is probably more likely to be a permanent trait amongst those of us over 40 so we are less likely to be as flexible as we were earlier in life and we now want what we want ~ no substitutes ~ no imposters.
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 348
What are we doing?
Posted: 8/14/2011 7:53:01 PM
Great answer and very helpful advice....I think that is the problem....we are shopping around for eachother and the product must satisfy our appetite immediately but relationships take time to build. Online dating is very difficult because its hard to gage the person until you meet them. I think I will definately be focused on how I will love instead of what how the person is.
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 349
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 8/20/2011 1:08:14 PM
We now know who we are and what we want!
Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 350
view profile
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 8/20/2011 3:33:26 PM
there has scientific article says that relative high intelligent people marry later in many cases.
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