Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Relationship      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 musicmanpvb
Joined: 12/14/2005
Msg: 101
RelationshipPage 5 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
well sugs,

Only you know the whole situation, and I'm sure whatever your decision is - it's the right one for you at this time.

But things - and people - do change over time, so it's not necessarily a bad thing to keep your options open. It sounds like this guy has a lot of good qualities, and you have known each other for quite some time - so maybe just stepping back for a while will be a good thing. See how it goes....
 picker_grinner
Joined: 7/26/2005
Msg: 102
Relationship
Posted: 3/11/2006 5:11:43 AM
My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.

She forgot... somebody has to man the grill.

... keep your options open.

Now there's some good advice. ;)
 Indigo Rose
Joined: 12/14/2005
Msg: 103
Relationship
Posted: 3/11/2006 7:33:24 AM
yep I forgot men are good wiener flippers!
 CountrySugar
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 104
Relationship
Posted: 3/11/2006 7:46:26 AM
well aren't you all a cute lil cure for a wee hang over ..

you are all to cute and ty all for your advice and support and and..for just being who you are ..
 flyingv
Joined: 2/3/2006
Msg: 105
Relationship
Posted: 3/11/2006 9:34:01 AM
countrysugar

its because your adorable..............we love ya..
 dbndon
Joined: 7/15/2005
Msg: 106
view profile
History
Relationship
Posted: 3/11/2006 11:14:35 AM
.

Everything he does or says is because he thinks that's what you want..you never really know if he's doing or saying anything because he wants to..He is basically there to please you, make you happy..I know alot of women are going to say what's the problem??


Ah well . . . didn’t really want to reply to this, but I guess I will.

I’ve been accused of the very same thing by those who do not know me very well. Add in the fact that I often will say “I don’t care” when asked about something, simply because the true fact is that I do not care (have no opinion) about many of the little things coming up in life.

However, there are a few things I care greatly about. I may walk around with a soft-guy, easy going, very polite persona most of the time and it is true that very little bothers me. And yes, it is true that I would rather “do” for others than have someone do things for me. But, anyone pushing too hard on that soft-guy persona soon learns that there is an unyielding brick wall underneath that will not move for any reason. And, usually, when a gal learns that is when problems start. Some gals feel the need to “test” my boundaries some and that is never a good thing to do with me.

But, yeah, most of the time I am somewhat like the guy CountrySugar describes. Except, in an emergency, the “take charge” part of me comes out fast and loud and I go “type A” all the way until it’s over. But, that’s more because of training than attitude, I guess.
.
 dream mate
Joined: 12/22/2005
Msg: 107
Relationship
Posted: 3/11/2006 11:27:35 AM
I have heard of the domination thing before...... But I want a partner to be equal in Decision Making, Love Making and A healthy relationship..........

Now you want domination?..... Or only till you can get a bigger whip? LOL
 bucsgirl
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 108
Relationship
Posted: 3/11/2006 11:30:24 AM
mobey Are you on the wrong thread? At least scan the previous 4 1/2 pages! There is NOTHING about domination or whips....... I think you need to check out sex and dating forum for that S & M stuff.
 dream mate
Joined: 12/22/2005
Msg: 109
Relationship
Posted: 3/11/2006 11:36:33 AM
I read the first page and the last one.. That was the feeling I got because I know how women like to be in control....or did I miss the mark with that also?
 CountrySugar
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 110
Relationship
Posted: 3/11/2006 11:38:41 AM
women in control? whips? what thread did you read .. obviously not this one..

it's got nothing to do with me wanting to be in control..he's giving me complete control..and it's not about sex or s & m or whatever the hell you read into it..geesh..
 bucsgirl
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 111
Relationship
Posted: 3/11/2006 11:40:16 AM
I didn't see anywhere that she wanted to be in "control" at all. She is in control just to the extent that the guy does anything and everything she wants and more. What she wants is an equal partner, someone with their own mind that can make decisions instead of a puppy dog, waiting on her hand and foot and licking her feet all the time.
 CountrySugar
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 112
Relationship
Posted: 3/11/2006 11:47:07 AM
Bucs that's it ty .. lol I'm so bad at tryin to type things so ppl understand, I end up sounding like a babbling fool..
 ArchDemon
Joined: 3/9/2006
Msg: 113
Relationship
Posted: 3/11/2006 11:50:29 AM
Country,

Have him write a list of 5 things he wants that you do not do.

Make sure there are at least 5 things - and solid things. Not veiled compliments.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 114
Relationship
Posted: 3/11/2006 11:50:48 AM
sugar Babbling fool?? haha Hardly!! I think we all understood you clearly, there was no confusion until the last few posts. Admitted he didn't read anything in between the beginning and the end. It happens, no biggie.
 dream mate
Joined: 12/22/2005
Msg: 115
Relationship
Posted: 3/11/2006 12:31:47 PM
I always think to much ... reading the posts in the thread lead me to over act.

I should have stayed in shallower water....

Yes you are right......(that should hold them) lol..... I hope all of you find what you are looking for. ...(I hope this doesn't scar me for life)....

btw...doesn't sound like a partnership
 Colin A. S.
Joined: 2/8/2006
Msg: 116
Relationship
Posted: 3/11/2006 12:34:25 PM
that's strange. I just wanted to jot something down here, for #39 (funlovingmom) sparked something i was thinking about last night.
the more he did the more he wanted to do and the more he was allowed to do the more he thought he had the right to have total say in my life..
There is a woman at work who displays this behavior. I saw it in one of the previous coworkers. It's quite fascinating how alike they are: These two coworkers does a few little things to help out that's beyond their duties...sort of a team player thing...without being asked. That's nice, except i'm starting to notice these people want things of others in return that go quite beyond 'quid pro quo', and they don't even say PLEASE.

It's like they don't realize that an equal give and take does not involve them giving unasked, and then turning around and taking by asking.

does that make sense for this thread/topic?




Oh. there's another thing that worries me about this thread. I notice a tendency of a few people in life to resent others helping them even if there's no 'quid pro quo' expected. It's actually quite pathological....Perhaps it's the FEAR of a sense of obligation? The fear that being catered to by someone gives that someone the temptation to ask unreasonable control in return?

So it flows both ways. You got the passive control freak and on the other side you've got the paranoid schiqophrenic. lol.



EDIT: disclaimer - i want to make something clear, for the above may imply differently (?) - This guy doting on you and doing "everything" to help you PHYSICALLY will turn around and expect unrealistically high levels of EMOTIONAL control. I picked #39 to quote for a reason, in order to emphasize and hopefully clarify my post above.
 CountrySugar
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 117
Relationship
Posted: 3/11/2006 12:45:40 PM
He doesn't try and control me..

and well i might be schio..one never knows..

we talked a bit this morning..we aren't really sure where we are going to go with this as it stands..both of us are feeling as if we are walking on glass..

I keep ending it, he keeps coming back, and I change my mind, but we really don't discuss the problems in depth..we have agreed that we need to do that..

so we'll see where it goes from there I guess..
 Colin A. S.
Joined: 2/8/2006
Msg: 118
Relationship
Posted: 3/11/2006 12:50:15 PM
okies, so he doesn't expect you to devote TIME to him constantly? hmmmmm
 Colin A. S.
Joined: 2/8/2006
Msg: 119
Relationship
Posted: 3/11/2006 1:08:03 PM
nm...just read the last 3 pages. Now, hon, if he does come back (hahah "the cat came back he couldn't stay away...") do keep my last post above in mind. i'd be curious to know...especailly after the "15 phone calls"

Reminds me of a lady friend of mine who had this long distance relationship and broke it off because the guy was always getting freaked out when she didn't reply to his calls ASAP. ah well, she's a hottie just like you so i'm sure you've got a bevy of courtiers throwing themselves at yer feet by now. lol



oh, and as for the "guys alweays come back"...i dunno. whenever i've broken up i've NEVER attempted to contact them again. Am i supposed to? Seems highly dysfunctional to ignore the reason one breaks up in the first place.
 flyingv
Joined: 2/3/2006
Msg: 120
Relationship
Posted: 3/11/2006 1:38:09 PM
Muffy

I think youre missing the point my friend its not about the break up, its about the puppy dog nice guy thingamajig............................ or i could be missing the point lol

Correct if im wrong Countrysugar, but hes a sweet guy to you, waits on you hand and foot and is very attentive to your needs? correct but and this is a big BUT he has no back bone, smothers you to the point where you need a oxygen mask just to breathe.

I dated someone like that a while back, sweetest person in the world wouldnt hurt a flea, but she was smothering like a fat kid on a smartie.... and thats not good in some cases.
 Colin A. S.
Joined: 2/8/2006
Msg: 121
Relationship
Posted: 3/11/2006 1:43:46 PM
^^^^^ *shrug* so i digress a bit. still i'm relating things similar to what i believe will help CountrySugar look at things from different perspectives. I feel that to be better than, "omg i feel exactly the same way...sorta"...affirmations are great, but they hold little educative value.


wtf is educative a scrabble word?
 Ratero-park-man
Joined: 2/2/2006
Msg: 122
Relationship
Posted: 3/11/2006 2:11:20 PM
I agree he should do the things he wants to do because he wants to do it and not be a puppet for ya. BUT make sure that you are willing to let him be assertive like that.

Again it's good to see these things in other people and get to know their strengths and their weaknesses.
 sweetnurse4u
Joined: 1/2/2006
Msg: 123
Relationship
Posted: 3/11/2006 2:20:48 PM
O.P.> I know what you are thinking! Sometimes you just get to feeling a little bit suffocated with someone like that. I think a lot of females want their mate to have a certain part of "bad boy" in them. Maybe you can explore and find it out in some other way with him (maybe even sexually!) But don't make the mistake I once did of thinking I wanted the "bad boy"> and then getting him! lol!! It seemed "kewl" at first but ironically the things I thought were so "kewl" about him ended up being the things that ended our marriage.
 RichTheLeo
Joined: 7/9/2005
Msg: 124
Relationship
Posted: 3/11/2006 2:24:54 PM
I find this thread funny. I have some female friends that confide in me about there love lives. I met a boyfriend of one the other day and his eyes lit up as I mentioned her name. I told her about this and she said he was to nice to her. He said things like, do you believe in love at first sight. He told her how pretty he thought she was. He wanted to hold her hand. I ask her whats the problem. She said he was to nice. I told her that was tipical.
I thought he was a nice guy and told her she should call him. Is this why they say nice guys finish last. This makes me not want to be concidered a nice guy. just kidding.
 sweetnurse4u
Joined: 1/2/2006
Msg: 125
Relationship
Posted: 3/11/2006 2:28:43 PM
There's nice and there's "too nice".. it is very perplexing. Of course we want nice!!! and you are right - its always that way in the beginning- otherwise there probably wouldn't be a relationship. But I also think we are "wired" to think that we would also like a protector or someone with a backbone to be our partner.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Relationship