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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > would you ever date someone who has an std?      Home login  
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 TOwoman1
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 326
would you ever date someone who has an std?Page 14 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
That was an excellent post, Phuck. I know a lot of people with things they need to disclose to a potential partner (herpes, mental health issue, recovering user) and they agonize over when to do it. You summed it up very well, I think.
 Naala
Joined: 9/13/2008
Msg: 327
would you ever date someone who has an std?
Posted: 10/19/2008 7:19:01 AM
I think this question would be clearer stated differently. I think of it in terms of risk tolerance (not judgement or discrimination).

"What is your tolerance for the risk contracting an STD?
What would you be willing to do to minimize, or completely avoid the risk?
What is worth it to you to take the risk?"

Just like investing, some people are higher risk portfolio guys than others. Everyone has different risk tolerance. I know ANYONE would say they don't 'want' to get an STD, especially not an incurable one, even those who have them. Having an STD says nothing about a person's character or their sexual activity (those of you who say that are kind of uninformed/ignorant), but it is an important and consequential relationship factor.

I personally think it would complicate my relationship if my partner had one. I feel the same way about dating someone with kids who aren't mine. I would be dating with potential of getting married to them and I think blended families are really hard/complex and don't want to have to work that hard. In the same way I think the fact that I love the person I'm with, but would rather stay disease-free for my own future would make it tough for me.

It feels like a complication/difficulty I would not want in my relationship. I would feel the need to use a condom all the time even if we were married and that'd suck too. then there would always be that question every time we have sex... is this when I contracted it too? Why have that point to look forward to in your relationship? It is never zero risk.

I think it can be done, but it feels like a lot of psychological stress for the most beautiful relationship in your life doesn't it? I like things a lot simpler, life's a **** enough without additional voluntary complications. I could just date someone else.
 Telenochek
Joined: 1/1/2009
Msg: 328
would you ever date someone who has an std?
Posted: 1/12/2009 11:33:36 PM
The short answer is yes.
Not saying contracting an STD is one of my future goals, but it's not the end of the world, it depends on the STD, and how serious the relationship is.
It just requires a little more work.

The stigma attached to many STD's by the "us clean people" crowd is regrettable, as it simply demonstrates lack of education, rather than prudence. Oh yes, it is also hypocritical in most because 70% of all people carry one or more STD.

It's even more regrettable to hear people say: "I got tested for them all, and I don't have it, therefore I'm clean!!!". Well, you know, for many dormant types, unless you do it during an outbreak it will not get detected, save for a really expensive test.

70% of all people carry multiple STD's (how about HSV-1 = herpes type 1 combined with a type of HPV ?).

Ignorance is bliss!
 ohio07
Joined: 12/27/2008
Msg: 329
would you ever date someone who has an std?
Posted: 1/28/2009 7:45:27 PM
Answers are irrelivant, in today's world, odds are you probably already have. That's why protection is a must! And when you get past the inital phase, testing would be proper. Then you can do the pill, or some other form of contraception, and let loose with each other, as long as you are totally into each other and responsible for one another. But they aren't all "life sentences", some can be cured with antibiotics, and you get a second chance to learn from your mistake(s).
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 330
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would you ever date someone who has an std?
Posted: 1/28/2009 8:27:22 PM
Knowing that she had an STD, no. No matter how hot she is, not worth it.
 rebelcat
Joined: 11/11/2009
Msg: 331
would you ever date someone who has an std?
Posted: 3/9/2010 8:21:23 AM
Well congradations, i read these from time to time and yours is the smartest answer ive seen. I have hsv2 and i didnt get it from sex i got it from recieving oral of not a radom date but a boyfriend who didnt inform, it is a skin on skin contact. I read these and shake my head at the ignorance in some of the asnwers. And it is sad to say that unless you ask for theat test it self they dont give it to you , hence the the 1 in 4. Good luck on your search.
 dkingsley
Joined: 7/21/2009
Msg: 332
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would you ever date someone who has an std?
Posted: 7/31/2010 6:17:18 AM
Hate to dig up a really old thread but its personally very disappointing that I just read 14 pages of bickering and people need to be educated.

I first got symptoms of oral cold sores (aka hsv1, aka herpes) in the 3rd grade. I remember it was picture day for the yearbook and I had multiple noticeable sores on my lips. Awesome, just what a kid loves to find out in his first year at a completely new school. When I was given the opportunity to re-take my yearbook photo I blinked. Great, which picture do I choose now? Although at that point I wasn't too concerned about it. Being so young I was more worried about my next little league game but its definitely been a burden later in my social life.

Guess what? I wasn't raped, molested, sexually abused, irresponsible, dirty, unhealthy or any other derogatory word you can think of. I contracted the virus most likely from kissing my own mother at a young age who also has hsv1 orally and has had it since she was a kid. Do I blame her? Hell no, Id live with it all over again. No way could I expect a loving mother to never kiss her little boy or share a drink with him through his childhood. That's absurd.

To those of you that choose not to date someone solely because of an STI is way more disgusting than the random cold sore I get once or twice a year. Also notice I said date, I didn't say have an intimate relationship with. How many of you have dated someone without having sexual relations who were perfectly "clean and healthy"? Even if it didn't work out as a couple I bet some of you found great people and great friends that way.

Its those ignorant people that are truly the "irresponsible" and "dirty" ones mentally!!!!
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 333
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would you ever date someone who has an std?
Posted: 7/31/2010 6:14:20 PM
Msg1: If you don't have an STD ,would you date a person with STD ?
unless that person is the last one on earth and you are that extremely horny that is exceptional case..
 I-am-Rei
Joined: 9/11/2009
Msg: 334
would you ever date someone who has an std?
Posted: 7/31/2010 6:48:58 PM
I haven't considered cold sores as a STD. I thought it is just a simple skin disease? So it could be transfered if you have cold sores and then have sex. But aren't most skin diseases transferable? Sorry I know this sounds stupid but please educate me on this.
 Elgalawaat
Joined: 11/24/2008
Msg: 335
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would you ever date someone who has an std?
Posted: 7/31/2010 10:56:32 PM
No way in Hell. Who wants to get himself in trouble.
 cheaterj
Joined: 7/19/2009
Msg: 336
would you ever date someone who has an std?
Posted: 8/2/2010 7:05:43 AM
Cold sores are most definitely an STD called oral HSV-1

During oral sex, a person with oral HSV-1 can transfer it to another person's genitals. This is true even if the person does not have a visible cold sore at the time - which is why the spread of Herpes both type 1 and type 2 is greater than you think -

Most of the posters here probably already have it and don't have a clue - self-righteous **stards- passing it along and then refusing to date people that others like them have unknowingly affected. Sad really.

The people who get the symptoms get ****ed over three times - they have to deal with the outbreaks and the stigma and the lack of sex- the symptomless people who infect them just get to ****.
 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 337
would you ever date someone who has an std?
Posted: 8/3/2010 5:35:07 AM
I have never had a cold sore ..but when I was a teen before we ever heard about herpes ...I dated and kissed and had sex with a girlfriend who had them all the time .... and yes I have kissed her when she had one ... I have never been tested for herpes ...but do realize that I could have it ...

so if you including herpes and other non fatal STDs ... I would definately date a woman who had one ... we would be careful and use all reasonable precautions ... but I think your danger is greater from the ones who dont know they are infected
 Fresh fish is best fresh.
Joined: 7/29/2010
Msg: 338
would you ever date someone who has an std?
Posted: 8/3/2010 5:40:47 AM
I am sure most probably already have, but got lucky and did not contract anything. Let's not be naive here. Those illnesses are out and about, and they have to come from somewhere. Also from what I have read in the other forums, dating does not equal making love, dating is just dating without any physical contact, but of course everyone tells the truth these days.
 NYRon1967
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 339
would you ever date someone who has an std?
Posted: 8/3/2010 12:38:03 PM
Well a few years ago i had a first meeting in public with a nice lady, we ate lunch and walked around port jeff (nice by the water town) for three hours. When it came to say goodbye , i was going to give her a quick kiss goodbye and had every intention of seeing her again, till she dropped the bomb on me. She had/has AIDS.

That was the end of that!
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 340
would you ever date someone who has an std?
Posted: 8/3/2010 12:56:52 PM
No.

But really, with the high infection rates, is it inconcievable that any of us have gone on dates with someone who's infected? Lots of people don't even know they are, you know...
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 341
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would you ever date someone who has an std?
Posted: 8/4/2010 3:37:05 PM
When I started dating my G/F it was an issue that came up... She had been a swinger and knew that it placed her in a high risk category. They always used condoms. She has had a couple of STD's in the past when she was swinging and one of her Ex's was dying with AIDs... (He died last year finally...) So when we started dating, we didn't get involved until both of us had gone through a full range of testing and then another round of testing 3 months later to make sure.
That's about as close to dating someone with an STD that I ever want to get...
 sarniafairyboy
Joined: 6/19/2010
Msg: 342
would you ever date someone who has an std?
Posted: 8/4/2010 4:11:23 PM
^


I don't have one just wondering how many people would date a male/female if they had contacted an std from a previous lover.




I wouldn't personally cuz I don't want anything just wondering what ya'll think of it.


err, I guess the OP means, if you KNEW that the person had an STD ?

many people who say they would not, probably HAVE dated someone with an STD (that they were unaware of)
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 343
would you ever date someone who has an std?
Posted: 8/4/2010 4:15:42 PM
Giving someone a label as "sleeps around a lot" because someone had an STD is wrong.

It really depends on the disease. For example, AIDS would be one where the other person would need to know how it was contracted. What if this person got it through birth or throught a transfusion or with the first "boy" they slept with (watch the movie "The Kids" for a scary reality).?

Herpes is an STD, however when people disclose that they have this, it is generally flares in the genital area they are disclosing.

Until my mid-20's, nobody ever told me they got cold sores on their lips as a disclosure statement before sex. As one poster stated he starting getting them at age 3.

This is one of the reasons that I feel people need to discuss their risky sexual behaviour in addition to any possible STD's.

I don't think I'm that worried about cold sores, as long as you are safe, understand the facts and are willing to take the risk that your partner is a non-shedder. I think half the people I know get cold sores, but so far none have said they get genital outbreaks.

Many of those half people with cold sores I know? They are married or in a relationship. I guess they are not the ogres many people on here think they are :)


trust is one thing but lieing is another.


Most men just ignore the conversation or belittle any discussion about STD's. I know.
 Annie was here
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 344
would you ever date someone who has an std?
Posted: 8/4/2010 4:40:46 PM
Date them? Yes I would.Have sex with them? No absolutely not!
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 345
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would you ever date someone who has an std?
Posted: 8/4/2010 5:31:29 PM

Until my mid-20's, nobody ever told me they got cold sores on their lips as a disclosure statement before sex. As one poster stated he starting getting them at age 3.

Yeah I knod of think they are a little over rated as STD's too... sores on the genitals...
Yep gonna be a problem... but cold sores on the lips?
I've never had them... but I knew loads of kids with them as I grew up... my G/F tells me she got her first one around age 4....
She still gets them about once a year....
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 346
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would you ever date someone who has an std?
Posted: 8/4/2010 5:33:43 PM

Most men just ignore the conversation or belittle any discussion about STD's. I know.


Very true... With guys it's often a case of No symptoms, no pus, no itching... It's all good... If it fell off, THEN they'd maybe go to the doctor...

Mind you, we're all guilty to a certain degree of minimising it until we know people who have had one... Hmmm This gives me an idea for a thread...
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 347
would you ever date someone who has an std?
Posted: 5/11/2011 5:32:22 PM
Too many people play Russian roulette still even in dating, sex just happens and people that say there " clean " can still carry an std and NOT EVEN KNOW THEY HAVE IT. All it takes is one time to have sex and boom std on ya like that (curable or not). To answer OP's Question, Depending on what the std is. Dating someone with HIV couldn't do it, it's too risky and life threatening. But as for the rest most std are curable and can be worked out. While the person is going thru an std outbreak there will be no sex, no kissing, no foreplay till they're cured from the outbreak.
 blueceleste
Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 348
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would you ever date someone who has an std?
Posted: 5/12/2011 3:20:22 PM
i dated a woman who had herpes but i didnt know until we started dating. well, i tried to help her with her herpes problem. all she did was lie and cheat ****ing every guy and made out with every girl out there. i got myself tested but i didnt catch it thank god even though i really loved her when we had so much in common. it only lasted for 2 months and i dropped her. she did recently contacted me then stopped talking to me i wonder why lol. no, that is a deal breaker i will not date anyone again who has an std. if they want help as to how to treat it using alternative medicine, i will be glad to give them that information.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 349
would you ever date someone who has an std?
Posted: 5/12/2011 11:57:40 PM
Do ankle-biters count as an STD?
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 350
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would you ever date someone who has an std?
Posted: 5/13/2011 8:06:02 AM

Do ankle-biters count as an STD?

We used to call them ankle-biters too....(LoL)

"Kids"
1... "Kids" are an STD with a 9 month incubation period.
2... "Kids" take 18 years to get rid if it...
3... "Kids" Affects your social life...
4... A lot of your friends will avoid you once you have "kids"...
5... You spend a lot more time at the docotor's office with "kids"...
6... They leave lasting physical changes to a woman's body...
7... Future partners may not want to be with you once they find out you've had "kids"...
8... You find you end up missing time from work once you've had "kids" especialliy if you're a woman...
9... "kids" can lead to headaches and sleepless nights...
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