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 Simlasa
Joined: 10/30/2004
Msg: 91
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would you ever date someone who has an std?Page 3 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
I never have (that I know of)... but given a perfect set of circumstances otherwise an STD wouldn't hold me back... but I wouldn't do it casually.
 ripley65
Joined: 7/29/2005
Msg: 92
would you ever date someone who has an std?
Posted: 4/29/2006 7:07:50 PM
XJaiX,,,,,,those of us who wouldnt are answering the question to a thread! If we dont want to date someone with an STD,,thats our choice. Doesnt make us close minded,,,makes us cautious despite condoms and being careful. :)

But,,,,hey i think its great that you found someone who doesnt care that you have it! Good luck!
 Aicerno
Joined: 4/29/2006
Msg: 94
would you ever date someone who has an std?
Posted: 4/30/2006 12:43:25 AM
It's an interesting dilema that. The way I've been interpreting the posts is that every single person who has said hell no--seems to be interpreting the word 'date' as 'would you have sex with someone who has an std?'. So in other words, a guy or girl tells you on the first date that they have an std; and then all of a sudden they get the verbal equivilent of a firing squad? Small wonder that people don't like talking about the subject period despite it's importance.

At the same time, YOU are just as much a stranger to them as they are to you on that first 'date.' That's why it's the 'first date.' Now, if it's a regular habit to have sex on the first date for both, then I can understand the reason for the concern; but when the waters are being tested so to speak, and trying to find out what makes their potential mate/friend tick, with sex being relatively set on the back-burner for the time being... I am made to wonder at how many people are being deliberately pushed aside out of this fear. Which on one hand is reasonable, and yet at the same time is irrational too.

If twere but the world was a safe place... but the only guarantee you'll ever get on the day you are born--whether it's a car crash, a plane crash, an std--some of which are treatable, some are fatal--or other...is that you will never, ever make it out of this world alive. And as the old truism goes, every thing is a poison... it's all a matter of dosage. People 'date' because of an inherent need to socialize--it's that social networking that promoted our propagation as a species, as well as ensured protection for the various families from predators as well as warring clans.

And with the complaints about the lack of honesty in today's society; if a person were completely honest on the first date about their having an std... and received such treatment, I would say that the accuser is guilty of bad miscommunication--apparently communicating through the internet counts as a date, where as to the maligned party, they perchance were waiting to meet in public so as to best gauge the reception to the news (and so, they counted their 'first date' for the first time that they met in public). So instead of being treated like another human being, they end up being treated like a statistic from some medical newsjournal and then dismissed as though they had no personal feelings or stake in the matter? Me thinks there is something ill in the state of Denmark when such hypocracy is permitted.

With the rapid pace of technological advancement, just because a disease is technically incurable now, doesn't mean that it will always be so. And yet, supposedly, the medicines available for HIV haven't really progressed as far as the disease itself... Something needs to be done--but locking those who suffer from it into an emotional prison is not the answer. The same can be said for any other sufferer who has an std. For those who claim to be Christian--Look to his examples with the lepers. While one cannot heal them the same way he did... one can provide them with emotional comfort and friendship... which does not necessarily mean that one has to have sex with said person.

And then, looking at said responses; so what exactly WOULD a good time to tell a potential sexual partner that information be, and what pray tell constitutes a 'first date'?
 RBM
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 95
would you ever date someone who has an std?
Posted: 4/30/2006 5:49:31 AM
Originally posted by Aicerno
It's an interesting dilema that. The way I've been interpreting the posts is that every single person who has said hell no--seems to be interpreting the word 'date' as 'would you have sex with someone who has an std?'. So in other words, a guy or girl tells you on the first date that they have an std; and then all of a sudden they get the verbal equivilent of a firing squad? Small wonder that people don't like talking about the subject period despite it's importance.

At the same time, YOU are just as much a stranger to them as they are to you on that first 'date.' That's why it's the 'first date.' Now, if it's a regular habit to have sex on the first date for both, then I can understand the reason for the concern; but when the waters are being tested so to speak, and trying to find out what makes their potential mate/friend tick, with sex being relatively set on the back-burner for the time being... I am made to wonder at how many people are being deliberately pushed aside out of this fear. Which on one hand is reasonable, and yet at the same time is irrational too.

If twere but the world was a safe place... but the only guarantee you'll ever get on the day you are born--whether it's a car crash, a plane crash, an std--some of which are treatable, some are fatal--or other...is that you will never, ever make it out of this world alive. And as the old truism goes, every thing is a poison... it's all a matter of dosage. People 'date' because of an inherent need to socialize--it's that social networking that promoted our propagation as a species, as well as ensured protection for the various families from predators as well as warring clans.

And with the complaints about the lack of honesty in today's society; if a person were completely honest on the first date about their having an std... and received such treatment, I would say that the accuser is guilty of bad miscommunication--apparently communicating through the internet counts as a date, where as to the maligned party, they perchance were waiting to meet in public so as to best gauge the reception to the news (and so, they counted their 'first date' for the first time that they met in public). So instead of being treated like another human being, they end up being treated like a statistic from some medical newsjournal and then dismissed as though they had no personal feelings or stake in the matter? Me thinks there is something ill in the state of Denmark when such hypocracy is permitted.

With the rapid pace of technological advancement, just because a disease is technically incurable now, doesn't mean that it will always be so. And yet, supposedly, the medicines available for HIV haven't really progressed as far as the disease itself... Something needs to be done--but locking those who suffer from it into an emotional prison is not the answer. The same can be said for any other sufferer who has an std. For those who claim to be Christian--Look to his examples with the lepers. While one cannot heal them the same way he did... one can provide them with emotional comfort and friendship... which does not necessarily mean that one has to have sex with said person.

And then, looking at said responses; so what exactly WOULD a good time to tell a potential sexual partner that information be, and what pray tell constitutes a 'first date'?


Nice reply. Let me address a couple points that you've made.

I don't consider a first meeting a "date" at all. I'm there, and so is my new friend, to find out if we have enough compatibility to actually go on a real date. That first meeting is set up just to determine if we should continue. It does not mean that there will be sex on the first date, or the second or third, etc. However, the point of dating for many people, myself included, is to meet someone who is a potential mate, and that means that sex will happen somewhere down the road. When to have "the talk" then enters the picture.

My meeting with my lady friend in Dallas was via telephone. And she told me within the first 5 minutes of the conversation about her "gift" and flatly stated that since I also did not have that condition, that she would not consider dating me at all. Period. It was her choice to have "the talk" immediately, and that works for her. She also would not take the chance of infecting someone else.

She informed me that some people with an STD wait until there is emotional attachment before having "the talk." She's tried that in the past and it doesn't work for her, because the non-gifted person feels betrayed and deceived. After getting to know someone over a period of many weeks or several months, with the emotional bond growing stronger, and sex becoming more and more desired, but withheld, it is easy to understand the point that betrayal could be felt. Not everyone is willing to acquire an STD that will be with them for the rest of their lives, even if there is that emotional bond. And that's their right.

After discussing her situation, I did a bunch of research online and learned a great deal. Yes, there is a potential vaccine coming for HPV, but it will not cure someone who already has the virus. HSV is still being worked very diligently as well.

There are some 130 variants of HPV, and about 30 of those are sexually transmissible. By the time a person reaches their mid-40s, there is an 80% chance that they already have HPV. By and large, the condition is an annoyance, not life threatening. And with women being regularly PAP tested, the chance for cervical cancer actually killing them is low. So if one were to meet a potential match who seemed to have many attributes being sought, then dismissing them early on may be premature.

HSV is much more problematic. From what I read, typically the first outbreak is the worst one, and follow on episodes are less traumatic. My Dallas friend states that she only has one blister, and that it is about the size of a pinhead. However, she is one of the unfortunate few who has repeat episodes that are quite difficult for her. She's had the condition for, I think, 6 or 7 years now. She still gets those flu-like symptoms every few months and it's tough for her. Some people have HSV and don't know. Her prior boyfriend had it and was immune with no symptoms whatsoever. She didn't find that out till she had symptoms herself, and they both were tested. Then bingo!

My Dallas friend has been happily dating another "gifted" man for 6 months or so, whom she met on an STD related site.

Condoms do not protect against HPV. And they also do not fully protect against HSV, as mucous to mucous transmission can still occur. Condoms do protect on the lesser forms of STDs, and for HIV. But just because you used a condom, does not mean that you weren't infected. It could be that your symptoms are delayed and could show up 5 years down the road.

So, just because someone has no symptoms does not mean that the person is not already infected. It's not quite a crap shoot, but it's not cut-and-dried either.

-Ross
 ~iiCe~
Joined: 7/26/2005
Msg: 97
would you ever date someone who has an std?
Posted: 4/30/2006 10:43:00 AM
and what term would you prefer??? "gifted" although it makes it sound like a blessing is much better than some of the other terms used.. (dirty... sick... trashy... tainted... foul...)
 RBM
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 99
would you ever date someone who has an std?
Posted: 4/30/2006 3:10:40 PM
Originally posted by *jenni*
ok this term in regards to people who have an std needs to stop NOW.


LMAO!!!

As if you have any control over what other people call themselves!
 ~iiCe~
Joined: 7/26/2005
Msg: 101
would you ever date someone who has an std?
Posted: 4/30/2006 6:39:46 PM
STD=not responsible... please go read up on them... and educate yourself.... although condoms are effective in preventing some STDs they are not 100% effective... you should always wear one... but don't consider yourself to be safe just because...

I know several responsible people who have been unlucky enough to think they were:
A-in a monogamous relationship... but weren't
B-believed their partner when they said they were tested for everything... the main STDs aren't covered in standardized testing...
C-thought condoms were 100% effective... but later found out that herpes and HPV can live in areas that the condom doesn't cover... (always use condoms though)
D-assumed that because they or their partner never had symptoms they were fine... (90% of people with Herpes are asymptomatic and there are similar stats on HPV)....

please pick a different word... yes you have the right to say no to dating someone with an STD... but don't assume anything about that person.. one of my good friends mother died of AIDS... after a 40 year marriage... she was monogamous... her husband wasn't... she didn't know until he was diagnosed... too late for her... he was her only sexual partner...
 hightechredneck
Joined: 9/7/2005
Msg: 104
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would you ever date someone who has an std?
Posted: 5/1/2006 2:13:53 AM
If I have even heard just a rumor about them having any STD that is uncurable I won't even think about dating them. If it is something that can be cured with antibiotics I MIGHT consider it.
 purelovemaking
Joined: 7/13/2005
Msg: 106
would you ever date someone who has an std?
Posted: 5/3/2006 9:10:47 AM
well would have to know who the person is to date them
anyways so I would have to say no till they get ride if it then .
I might think about it and of course how they got it would also
play a role in my decision...
 ~iiCe~
Joined: 7/26/2005
Msg: 107
would you ever date someone who has an std?
Posted: 5/3/2006 9:13:16 AM
Getdial... please read my whole post... I was NOT calling people with STD's irresponsible... I was responding to the person above me who did... I in no way believe someone with on is irresponsible... and I am sorry for your friend...
 BarrieChick
Joined: 9/8/2005
Msg: 108
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would you ever date someone who has an std?
Posted: 5/3/2006 9:47:39 AM
No way!!! I would never date someone with an STD....

Personally...when I begin to date and it's going to get seroius, I make him go to the doctors for the ok....I also get checked so he knows that I am clean too....but there are WAY to many Diseases and things out there. I don't want ANY creepy crawlys.

And getting an STD is irresponsible....you should protect yourself ANY way that you can....it's YOUR body and no one is going to take care of it but you. I'm sorry for your friend getdial....that is not irresponsible....the guy was in that case....but women who choose to sleep with someone without knowing...is VERY irresponsible!!!!!!
 ~iiCe~
Joined: 7/26/2005
Msg: 109
would you ever date someone who has an std?
Posted: 5/3/2006 3:48:14 PM
Barrie.... so I assume now that you wait until you know someone over a year and have been tested twice prior to having sex?? and that you make sure that the work up includes the STD's that are not part of standardized testing (herpes, HPV, HIV, Hepititus).... some STDs are dorminant and don't show in a test until after 6 months and sometimes up to a year...

condoms are protective... however... you can still get herpes or HPV while using a condom.. still need to always use them... but some people have gotten STDs while using protection..

bottomline I don't think anyone wants an STD.... but they are very real and very out there... protect yourself as much as possible... wear a condom... know your partner... but in the end... shit can happen... look at the stats... that would be a large population of irresponsible people...
 ready2experiment
Joined: 2/17/2006
Msg: 110
would you ever date someone who has an std?
Posted: 5/3/2006 5:41:17 PM
hey there what a crazy ****ing question. no i would not date anyone who has had an std if i knew about it that is just nasty okay but since you asked...
 anon83
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 111
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would you ever date someone who has an std?
Posted: 5/3/2006 7:38:06 PM
I've read almost every post in this forum, and I am seriously bawling. I was diagnosed with Herpes type 1 on the genitals. (Yes you can get both types anywhere) recently, and have always used condoms. The doctor says it is next to impossible to say who or when I got it from. I have been tested many times. Not until I had an outbreak did I know.

All you people who say " heck no" "no f**** way" , you are all rude and sick people. Anyone can have it and not know, just like me, I am a good person, with a small misfortune, I'm human too, and I hope I will have an intimate relationship again soon. Yes there is a small chance I can give it to someone without having an outbreak, but that doesnt make me less deserving or less of a person. I know I have to tell anyone I get close to, and I hope that if and when I do open up to that person, they will be a big enough person and be understanding and caring.
 RV422
Joined: 4/14/2006
Msg: 114
would you ever date someone who has an std?
Posted: 5/4/2006 1:15:14 AM
I nutted in a chick wit hiv. ain't got tested yet either, been like 10 months. had sex lotsa times since, don't really matter in the end.
 ~iiCe~
Joined: 7/26/2005
Msg: 116
would you ever date someone who has an std?
Posted: 5/4/2006 10:07:48 AM
so see peeps... Rv is a fine example of how you can't tell if someone you sleep with has had an STD... he f*cks around and doesn't care what he catches... and is willing to pass it... and he doesn't care... I am sure he doesn't tell people he is high risk...


I will take honesty any day.... and work with that...
 ~*~This Magic Moment~*~
Joined: 3/12/2006
Msg: 119
would you ever date someone who has an std?
Posted: 5/4/2006 12:03:19 PM
i have an STD....so i'm in this position....and i'm not afraid to tell anyone...if anyone wants to taunt me for it...go right ahead...i've learned to deal with it...its LIFE....why should it matter if you date someone with the knowledge of them having an STD or not? the one i have....50 percent of americans that have what i have....DONT EVEN KNOW THEY HAVE IT! ur spouse or sexual partner you have now could even have it and think they were telling you the truth when they told you they were clean. i think spoken words and the mind play very BIG roles in putting ditches between two ppl that could be in love. i dont care about the STD i have...cuz if i keep it treated and i am open and honest...then i'm okay. it doesnt threaten my life unless i dont keep it treated...and it's not transmittable 24/7...so if you know you can keep up with having it treated....and you know you wont give it to no one....why should it matter if you get an STD from someone you really care about? why? cuz of ppl with too much pride!...well for all you know you could have it now! or something now! and a lot of them dont show up in tests for a long time....you could even have one you got from birth for all you know! so why let your mind keep you from being with the one you love? its the devil playing with you. and if their STD is life threatening...there are plenty of ways to have safer sex....even if intercourse isnt an option you can still make love in other ways...trust me i know. but some guys just need it i guess. i dated a guy and allowed him to have sex with another woman cuz i know that i couldnt give him that in life....it killed my heart but i knew it was me he wanted for who i am and how i treat him....so i stayed...but stuff went down and i left him....it was too much on my emotions.

OT
hey bristle....remember me? the merkin jingle creator? and the one about the banana? lol ya its me...with new pix! (sorry so far OT)
 ~*~This Magic Moment~*~
Joined: 3/12/2006
Msg: 120
would you ever date someone who has an std?
Posted: 5/4/2006 12:12:17 PM
about RV422 and his comment.....

RV422 IM'ed me last night and sexually harrassed me....and apparently knows me from what he said...i THINK its my ex fiance but i am not sure...
i asked him to tell me my name if i he knows me....
all he said was ....

"hehehehe i love you girl!"
then closed the IM....this all sounds like sick things my ex would say to try to upset ppl and mess with them....and no its not me with HIV if it is him....i have HPV....that man truely scares me if that is him...sorry i just read more into the post and saw all that...yes RV422 is very sick....no matter if he is who i think he is or not....he even said to me that he finds rape fun...but with me rape is not the case....i was thinking...WTF????? i have dealt with RV422...i suggest to all ppl to steer clear from him....some of the profile things in his profile dont match to my ex....but A LOT of it does...and seeming how my ex is a pathelogical liar and he is probably doing it to confuse me....i wouldnt doubt it for being him for one second!
 Chatpilot
Joined: 9/5/2004
Msg: 123
would you ever date someone who has an std?
Posted: 5/4/2006 1:50:05 PM
I agree 100%. Educate yourselves people. If someone finds themselves in this unfortunate situation, it's not the end of the world. It just requires a little more work.
 ~*~This Magic Moment~*~
Joined: 3/12/2006
Msg: 124
would you ever date someone who has an std?
Posted: 5/4/2006 7:57:16 PM
Are you trying to say that since you have HPV you can't have sex, like with penetration?

to answer your question Jenni...no that wasnt what i was refferring to dear...its just that some men i have dated are not that well educated on it and their minds were too stuck on their "STD phobia" that i chose to do that cuz i cared about that person very much at that time...but he is history and i found someone very nice that can actually see what i am telling him and doesnt have fear of being close to me...its just basically other ppl i have been with in the past that i have just bent over backwards for cuz i cared for that person at that particular time very much...but then i just realized that those people are just not for me...and now i found someone i care about more than ever...i met him on POF as a matter of that fact...but ya....sorry i didnt clarify what i was referring to when it came to my statement on that...i am very aware of our condition...but i do know that i dont know everything about it. cuz i get so many different "facts" froms so many different hospitals and authorised websites...so i'm just like...okay whats the deal and whats the FACTS here?...ya know what i mean? so if you can give me info...that would be great...ty hun...u can inbox it to me...if you are not able to inbox me cuz of my settings just let me know. ty hun...sorry for the confusion.
 mystlw
Joined: 9/19/2005
Msg: 125
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would you ever date someone who has an std?
Posted: 5/4/2006 11:55:32 PM

All you people who say " heck no" "no f**** way" , you are all rude and sick people. Anyone can have it and not know, just like me


If you had had the choice to not sleep with the person that gave you herpes, especially knowing how horrible it is to have it, wouldn't you have run like Hell?

That's all these people are saying; that they would never knowingly put themselves at risk of what you're going through now. I don't find that rude or sick in any way.
 mystlw
Joined: 9/19/2005
Msg: 127
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would you ever date someone who has an std?
Posted: 5/5/2006 8:15:30 AM

Would you leave the house when your husband is sick with a cold or the flu?


No, but I've been known to sleep on the couch; why would I want to go through the misery of the flu, if I could possibly keep myself healthy?

If I read the initial post of this thread correctly, it has nothing to do with a spouse. It has to do with dating, and choosing a sexual partner. Herpes may not be fatal, but according to a couple of relatives of mine it's painful and damned miserable. HPV is potentially fatal, in that it's a leading cause of cervical cancer.
Why should anyone be blamed for choosing NOT to take those risks??
 Ochun36
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 128
would you ever date someone who has an std?
Posted: 5/5/2006 8:38:12 AM
No, I would never run like hell from someone that had Herpes. People that are infected with this virus are human beings with feelings just like you. I guess it depends on the situation and the amount of feelings that i have for the person if I'm willing to take the risk.

I too have relatives and friends that have the virus, as a matter of fact, you would be surprised to see how many people do indeed have this, it's shocking. They have all gone on to have happy and lasting relationships. My cousin has been with his wife for 16 years and they have two kids together. She has never contracted the virus because he makes sure to take care of himself and her during outbreaks.
 mystlw
Joined: 9/19/2005
Msg: 131
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would you ever date someone who has an std?
Posted: 5/5/2006 7:14:51 PM

Not dating someone simply because of a STD is borderline discrimination.


Huh?? I don't date alcoholics; my choice. I don't date drug users; again, my choice. I don't date men with bipolar disorder; still my choice.
I make those choices because those things cause me pain and misery. But I don't have the right to refuse to contract an incurable STD that will cause me an an equal amount of pain and misery for as long as I live?

Perhaps I should be reported to the ACLU.
 mystlw
Joined: 9/19/2005
Msg: 133
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would you ever date someone who has an std?
Posted: 5/6/2006 6:33:40 PM

dude the trip's I go on are unreal cool and there ****in free plusI keep my life together fairly well too


Good for you. A little off-topic, but I'm glad you're happy with your life. I had a boyfriend for a while that was bipolar, and it made my life a little more chaotic than I prefer; therefore, I don't do that anymore.

Back on-topic: it's all about those preferences. We all discriminate to some degree, and we all have our comfort zones. Some of us are more comfortable not knowingly dating someone with a communicable disease.
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