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 whisper67520
Joined: 9/29/2006
Msg: 547
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Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?Page 6 of 33    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33)
down for it..."As unromantic as it may sound, it leaves the woman with few choices. If she wants to screw me over with another guy and end our marriage, she can do it with only the belongings and finances that she brought into our marriage with her."

I don't think that's quite how it works...And I'm sorry to say...quite frankly...your attitude and dislike for women in general...kinda comes through in what you wrote and how you worded it....Maybe you should consider staying single....
 quinnut
Joined: 1/31/2007
Msg: 549
Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
Posted: 2/12/2007 2:15:27 PM
If you have to sign a pre-num then you are going to marry the wrong person, someone who you don't trust. I think it is that simple.
 Laddy_lady
Joined: 8/9/2006
Msg: 558
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Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
Posted: 2/12/2007 9:48:09 PM
I would be very inclined to sign a prenuptial agreement. I will probably be the one to bring it up, to take the pressure off of him. (when I find him) Past behavior would suggest that it is not likely that I would try to take a man to the cleaners, however one never knows exactly how they will react when hurt.

While it is true, as stated in post 551 that whatever you have going into the relationship is seperate property. Any appreciation in the property value can, and frequently does become community property. That is a subject that should be discussed prior to getting married.
 lauire
Joined: 3/4/2007
Msg: 561
Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
Posted: 3/15/2007 4:04:39 PM
I want the man that I hang around with to know that I am agreeable to
per-nupts -- promissary pre-nupts -- in the event that the hanging out goes beyond that.....I want him to be free to relax and have fun with me....besides inheritance....blood sweat and tears probably went into gettin "stuff"...I know it did for my Dad other relatives and friends......and it did for me and my X...until reckless decisions and divorce....if Im hangin around ya -- that means that you are self made somebody and I want you to have all that is you without fear...cant laugh hard when worries are at the back of your mind.....Laurie luv that little guy -- he is SO happy!!!
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 570
Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
Posted: 3/16/2007 4:28:23 AM
We're living in a time where both men and women have something to lose if the marriage doesn't work out. Why more women are offended by prenups and more men are for them is kind of strange to me.

Both sides should want to be protective of what they came in with. It's a win win nowadays.

And it's not romantic, but it's smart. Love and money just don't mix and people need to realize that to forego one for the other isn't a good idea. Better to handle both separately.
 SteveHD
Joined: 3/9/2005
Msg: 572
Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
Posted: 3/16/2007 6:59:33 AM
Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?


Sure...after my partner and me sat down and talked about it and discussed the real reason "Why?" we are looking to do this.

Prenuptial agreements, as I've understood them, seem to be a "just in case" item in a marriage.

Is it in case one of you dies?
Is it to protect your children's future interest?

For the most part, people discuss a prenup to avoid losing everything in a divorce, and that brings us to how divorces are handled. We've all heard the horror stories of a man or a woman losing everything in a divorce.

A divorce should be avoided at all cost. It should be the LAST and FINAL option. Even during a divorce, couples need to remember that they are still a team and the last thing they should be doing is handing over their money to lawyers.


but what kind of love is it if your materialistic objects and finances are streaming through your head before you've even begun you've journey?


At this point hopefully it's not the love of "fools in love". I wouldn't advise people to marry within the first year of dating. Things are still blissful and relatively little time has passed for any major changes to happen in either person's life. Basing a lifetime decision on a very small test run is hardly fair to either person involved. Again though, people can decide for themselves based off their own experience and confidence.

Both people owe it to themselves to be upfront and straightforward about what they have planned for their futures. Then they need to see if those goals are compatible. This takes time, and if marriage does come up, then both people need to ask themselves "Why should we get married?" and "What will REALLY change when we go from LTR to Married?"

A prenup isn't necessary IF two people can sit down in a civilized manner and discuss "who gets what". Is this possible...sure? Both people are going to have to realize that they won't get everything and they are both going to have to give a little. After that it's just a matter of dividing assets. If you have children, or grandchildren then perhaps it would be best to divide assets with that in mind.

The idea of child support and alimony can be a bit silly for a formerly married couple. If someone leaves their partner and takes the kids with them and demands child support payments, then obviously they aren't capable of giving their children a better life on their own...hence "child support" or "parental assistance". This is the same for people who leave their partner for a "better life" and then want alimony to make up for the drop in their standard of living.

Can a prenup really fix all this...maybe, but it would probably have to be a constantly reviewed and amended agreement between both people. However the other options are; don't get divorced or be civil to one another during a divorce. If you think you are going to divorce the person you want to marry and you don't believe that the divorce will be handled in an mature adult manner and if you don't trust the validity of a prenup...then I wouldn't get married in the first place.
 SteveHD
Joined: 3/9/2005
Msg: 573
Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
Posted: 3/16/2007 7:08:18 AM

prenups are not legally valid in the uk because they both undermine the institution of marriage and oust the jurisdiction of the court.


Go figure...a bunch of lawyers got together and passed a law saying that people can't decide for themselves how to handle their personal affairs and must rely on/pay a lawyer to decide for them.

Bravo!

Ever notice how cheap it is to get legally married compared to how expensive it is to get legally divorced.
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 575
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Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
Posted: 3/16/2007 7:21:37 AM
yes i definatly would, i would be in a relationship to profit financially
 randomstoic
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 577
Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
Posted: 3/24/2007 4:28:55 PM
I never want to go through a divorce again, so I would sign one out of trust and love. In fact, I would insist on one so if I ever need to endure a divorce again it would be legal and not spiritual.
 dalek1967
Joined: 1/20/2007
Msg: 578
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Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
Posted: 3/25/2007 12:34:44 PM
I'm not rich but after my recent divorce, I would want a prenup, to protect us both. I didn't want anything and my ex even has a bit more now than she did when we met but it would have been a lot easier on us both if we had one. I learned divorces can get nasty in a hurry.

Dale

 Scintillating_Angel
Joined: 5/2/2006
Msg: 579
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Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
Posted: 3/25/2007 12:46:50 PM
Most states have SEPARATE PROPERTY laws. What you had prior to marriage is your SEPARATE PROPERTY and remains your separate property. Property you accrue together is joint [or community] property.

Itemize all that you own prior to your marriage, with photographs, and give that to your attorney. Then, if you ever have need to prove what you own, there it is.

In cases of extreme wealth, the same applies.

I'd sign one, but not to the exclusion of after-accrued valuables. Once marriage happens, any value that accrues after the fact is joint property. Most states go along with that. You simply have to make certain you are not signing away after-accrued income and assets.
 crossbow7125
Joined: 9/9/2006
Msg: 581
Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
Posted: 3/25/2007 8:06:25 PM
LOL ! It seems most women are against pre-nups....Hmmmm wonder if they're gold diggers ? Nah women are independent right ? Wrong. Of course I would sign a pre-nup, not that I'm a millionaire but but I do have significant savings that I would like to keep if something happens after marriage....My friend just got married and he signed a pre-nup, he owns 3 homes, was a restauranteur and therefore has amassed quite a bit of cash so he's just protecting what he worked hard to acquire. His wife didn't like it but didn't have much of a choice.
 sweetie425
Joined: 5/24/2005
Msg: 582
Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
Posted: 3/25/2007 8:17:10 PM
I would be hurt if the guy I was going to marry asked me to sign a prenup. I would feel he wasn't serious about the marriage lasting forever as was already planning ahead to cover his butt in the divorce.
 scruldbrug
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 589
Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
Posted: 3/25/2007 10:08:22 PM
I would be hurt if the guy I was going to marry asked me to sign a prenup. I would feel he wasn't serious about the marriage lasting forever as was already planning ahead to cover his butt in the divorce.


If I'm ever silly enough to live with another woman, I'd definitely have a prenup signed and done in any way that was most likely to stand the test of time.

I'd even like to have it re-newed every couple of years or something like that. There is no way I'm going to give up half of what I have ever again.

As someone else pointed out, women, in general, are against prenups unless they have something to lose financially. If they bring more financially to the marriage, they will do whatever is necessary to protect their financial interests.
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 591
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Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
Posted: 4/3/2007 3:24:44 AM
yoes i would, i wouldnt want to profit from a relasionship
so if someone asked to i would gladly, but i dont think i would ever ask a woman to
 Casey76
Joined: 2/6/2006
Msg: 592
Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
Posted: 4/7/2007 1:54:50 PM
What is marriage, besides a legal joining of two people (and their assets/debts). I think it is only smart for someone who is very sucessful and worked hard to get what they have (or even if they didnt and just inherited it) only to give it all away.

I look back on something a few people said on here. ...."i may love the person now, but you never know when that changes". I mean, come on. What's the rate of divorce in this country? Have most people changed their vows to say "for the good and not the bad, till divorce us do part?" (that would be kinda funny though). And even though I dont agree with divorce, I know that my odds if I were to ever get married are pretty good that it may happen (one of the reasons Ive been very careful).

As long as the pre-nup is not brought up in a crass manner. IE: you are in bed at the time, or as in "Sex and the City" hand it to her with the guest list while picking out China (TACKY) and it was FAIR, then I would probably sign it. Cause you love the person, right. And it's only IF you get divorced.

I think that what you had prior to the divorce, you should get to keep. What you aquire during, split (in most cases). And if I continue on my tract, I would probably want one protecting myself as well. Any smart person should. If you are offended, then maybe you should look at what you are bringing to the marriage/relationship!

One other thing. Since most women seem to be against it.... Would you wait till something terrible happened to you to make a will/select guardians to care for your children? NO! Cause it's too late. I look at a pre-nup as something similar. Do it while you are still in love and in a better negotiating position. You will probably come out better.

~Casey
 whisper67520
Joined: 9/29/2006
Msg: 593
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Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
Posted: 4/7/2007 6:11:16 PM
As I read through the entire thread, observation was, most posters, men and women were logical in regard to signing a prenup. Maybe the younger set had some misconceived knowledge regarding the intent of a prenup and felt it would effect their security forward from the date of marriage. But with all the sharing, everyone has been kind enough to post, we all have a bit of better understanding about the process and what it actually does.

Maybe it depends on what stage of ones life one is in, at the time they would consider signing or not signing this instrument. For the most part, younger people, unless one has come from a well to do family or inherited money from an older relative, would have no need or desire for a prenup, as they would both be starting out on a pretty even plane financially and assets acquired in the future would be from the efforts of both parties and have no need for a prenup.

Where as folks in the over 35 age group would or could be in a different situation. Having been through a previous divorce, have children from a previous marriage, worked long enough to either have a personal business or acquired retirement funds through their employer. Whither two people would be coming into a second marriage or later marriage on the same footing financially, one can only wait to be seen. Regardless, in the case of Divorce, neither should suffer from the loss of assets they bring to the union or be put in a position to have their business tied up or destroyed while working through the details of a pending divorce. N or should they be held over the barrel so to speak by unfair pressure for one party to attempt to gain an unfair advantage....while holding previous assets hostage....to benefit MORE THAN A FAIR AND EQUITABLE DIVISION OF MONITARY ASSESTS AQUIRED DURING THE MARRIAGE.

Being older.....maybe we older generation have just had more experiences, seen more situations unfold and see where this would be a fairer way of approaching the outside possibility that statics....might go against the best laid plans of Love and Marriage.
 dslam1
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 594
Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
Posted: 4/10/2007 2:48:28 PM
Divorce brings out the worst in people, there's a lot of ugly emotions usually (not to say always, but a lot of the time). If I was expecting a marriage not to last, I quite simply *wouldn't* be getting married, everyone goes into marriage expecting it to last.

I agree with the general sentiment that favors an ante-nuptial agreement for people, especially when there is a significant difference in the assets of the parties. As they say, stuff happens and why should a man or woman who has either inherited or worked hard for assets be willing to hand them over in a divorce. It may be a different story if one partner "contributes", by way of assisting the other person in being financially well off-like staying at home and raising a family, or sending the other person to medical school. Otherwise, why should they reap a windfall...
 DrewBond007
Joined: 6/27/2006
Msg: 596
Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
Posted: 4/10/2007 3:28:08 PM
Feel free to take a swim in a pond where there is a 50% chance you will get eaten for everything you own.

Before the marriage there will be a pre-nup...or there will be no marriage.
 trs1958
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 598
Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
Posted: 4/10/2007 4:24:39 PM
I think that the only people (men OR women) who state that they would not sign a prenup are the people who have nothing of their own. Especially people in their 40's or older who have worked all their life for what little they have. And yes, although marriage is supposed to be forever, I would bet that 95% if not more of the people on these sites are DIVORCED. And usually, one or the other got the shaft in the divorce...more often than not...the guy. I see nothing at all wrong with signing a prenup if both people have no intentions of trying to take what is not theirs in the case of a break-up.

Edited to add this:
I know most people probably know this but just in case I will add that...
A prenup ONLY stands in the case of a divorce...NOT the death of a spouse. I know this first hand because of the fact that my dad remarried after my mom passed away. They signed a prenup since they both had kids...both owned houses, etc. The step-mom ended up keeping a LOT of my dad's personal items (after he passed away last year) that he and my mom had bought and accumulated over the past 50 years. We would have never believed that she would have done such a thing...BUT it DOES happen...believe me.
 whisper67520
Joined: 9/29/2006
Msg: 599
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Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
Posted: 4/10/2007 10:49:49 PM
One can even protect children in those situations trs.....I know from personal experience. An older friend of mine married, they signed a pre nup, stating that if either of them died, the other could continue to use household items and the home of one spouse, as long as they lived or wished, but in the future those items would be returned to the rightful family, when the surviving spouse was finished with them....That is just integrity and consideration.

I know of another case, where the second wife, no children before or after she married him......that ended up with his first wife's wedding rings, much to the dismay of the children from the first marriage. Their mom had died. That just was not fair and they should have been given to the children.
 trs1958
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 600
Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
Posted: 4/11/2007 2:27:19 PM
Whisper...the problem with our situation is the fact that we (my brother, sister, and I) do not even have a copy of the prenup. In my dad's case, they were only married for 2 1/2 years before he passed away. We accepted her into our family, treated her like family and was very good to her...and she was good to us. But the day of my dad's funeral, she seemed to do a 180 degree about face. Wouldn't hardly speak to us, wouldn't have anything to do with us, etc. And we couldn't understand why. Then things started to make sense. She had been trying to get my dad to sell his house, she was trying to get him to put HER as beneficiary on his life insurance (which my mom had taken out on him back in 1967, and wasn't all that much) AND his retirement money...which he never did. I honestly think she kept all the personal items because she was mad that HIS own kids ended up with HIS house and what little money he (and our mom) had saved for years. We (his kids) paid for his funeral...although SHE was his spouse and it should have been her responsibility...but non the less we paid for it out of his life insurance, which by the way was not a burial policy, but a life insurance policy. And even though her house was much nicer than my dad's, and she was worth more than him monetarily...she acted out of pure greed.
So we have learned a lot from this experience. EVERYONE needs to have a living trust made stating exactly what your wishes are as far as your personal possessions are concerned. My dad thought that the prenup would take care of all of that...but he was sadly mistaken...and I think that the step-mom knew all along how it all worked. For what it's worth...she started chasing him two months after my mom died and I think she knew full well what she was doing.
 whisper67520
Joined: 9/29/2006
Msg: 601
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Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
Posted: 4/11/2007 2:55:37 PM
trs, since you have a vested interest in the matter, can you not petition the court for a copy of the prenup? I am assuming there is a probate of your fathers will or an attorney involved in settling the estate. I would think it would be a vital part of the proceedings.

It is sad, the stories one hears, concerning older parents remarrying and the greed of some people today. With all the horror stories one hears today......lets hope the cause of your fathers death, was well explained.

I talked to a man, who married and went to live in the Philippines. After being there for about a year, he started getting very sick. Luckily a neighbor enlightened him to the possible cause. He left immediately for the states. The medical documented proof of his illness turned out to be a***nic poisoning. With him being in the Philippines, had he died and no one notified authorities in the USA, his widow would have continued to receive his retirement benefits indefinitely. It can get scary out there.
 trs1958
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 602
Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
Posted: 4/11/2007 3:39:31 PM
Whisper...at this point and time we've pretty much just chocked our losses up to experience. The biggest item that she kept was a fairly new 4x4 pickup that was his...she managed to get her name on the title...there again knowing full well what she was doing. There were lots of other things like chainsaws, exercise equipment, and several personal items that were his long before they ever got married...which she kept. My dad didn't have a will...he thought that the prenup covered all of that, plus the fact that he fully trusted her. My dad was a Church of Christ preacher all his life, even baptized this woman before they got married. He even told all of the family that they had signed a prenup so there wouldn't be any question...that what was hers would go to her kids and what was his would go to his kids. And at the time...we didn't know the difference either, but later found out that the prenup only applies in the case of a divorce. You need a will or living trust set up for the event of a death. Luckily, dad and mom had already put our names on their house and retirement funds years ago...so the step-mom couldn't have touched that anyway...that is unless she would have succeeded in talking him into selling his house or changing the beneficiary name. She would have more than likely ended up with all of the proceeds herself, which was obviously her intentions.
As far as my dad's death, he had bypass surgery back in 1990...then had to go back in for bypass last year...and never made it out of recovery.
Life is full of lessons to be learned...some we just have to learn the hard way.
 dslam1
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 606
Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
Posted: 4/11/2007 5:20:16 PM
If you feel this way, then you should be aware that ante-nuptial agreements are invalid in almost every state in the US. If you wish to have assets divided in a way that is different from state law in case of death or divorce, you need a PREnuptial agreement.

LoL, you say potatoe and I say potato, they both amout to a document that shows the intentions of the parties relative to not just real estate and bank accounts, but also to businesses and income derived from any source.

The point is that well written ante-nuptial, meaning before marriage, or even post nuptial agreements are upheld in jurisdictions through-out the country, as long as there is full disclosure of assets and liabilities and one party doesn't take obvious advantage of the other.

The length of the marriage, the contributions to the martial estate, not just monetary, are often controlling in decisions of whether the ante-nuptial and post nuptial agreements are held to be valid.

Marital agreements affecting the distribution of assets upon marital dissolution DO WORK!! You just have to be sure that the agreement is written by an attorney who specializes in such work. Otherwise, you get what you pay for...Like any free advice, lol..
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