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 Summer Teeth
Joined: 3/9/2006
Msg: 18
Roommate having her boyfriend over constantly?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

But really, my only question is whether it is acceptable that her boyfriend is basically living at my place.


You are a more patient person than I am--or more mercenary. I don't know which. Charge the boyfriend rent, too. Perhaps, hourly?
 jumpypants
Joined: 2/20/2006
Msg: 19
Roommate having her boyfriend over constantly?
Posted: 3/22/2006 9:48:12 AM
sceptik,

I hate roommates for this very reason.

Not sure what the protocol is, but sounds like she has a loser who lives with his parents or something. Is he lurking all over the house or just her bedroom? If he is in her bedroom, then you have less room for complaint.

If not...

I vote you take up the habit of sitting unshaven, in your underwear, drinking beer, scratching your nads and watching TV. A lot. Fart and burp a lot.
 molonel
Joined: 12/20/2005
Msg: 21
Roommate having her boyfriend over constantly?
Posted: 3/22/2006 9:52:38 AM
Kick her out. Get a new roommate. Move on. It's time. I'm sure, at one point, maybe for closure you felt like this was a good thing. But if it's interfering with your new relationships, while you have to watch her bring someone over night after night, then it's time to drop the hammer. Do it in a nice way, but do it.
 LunaLover
Joined: 2/24/2006
Msg: 23
Roommate having her boyfriend over constantly?
Posted: 3/22/2006 9:56:40 AM
It's her home to for now. Why do you think she is being inconsiderate? What if it was the other roommate doing this would you feel the same? That should answer your question.
Luna
 ~iiCe~
Joined: 7/26/2005
Msg: 24
Roommate having her boyfriend over constantly?
Posted: 3/22/2006 9:57:16 AM
one or two nights a week is our rule for sleepovers... anything more than that you might as well live with them.... especially when it gets to the point where he is there when she isn't.... I have had that happen in the past... besides they should be able to go to his place a couple nights too... if they need to sleep together all the time...
 prolibertate
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 25
Roommate having her boyfriend over constantly?
Posted: 3/22/2006 10:00:33 AM
She can't have crossed any line, except the one for common consideration, if the 'roommates rules' weren't laid down and agreed to when she moved in. However, if more of your being uncomfortable comes from simply having anyone around that much, not simply because it's her and her new bf, then sit her down and discuss it, and try to come to some compromise about how much is too much. If she won't compromise, then tell her she needs to look for a new place. She may not realize that you're uncomfortable having a non-roommate there that often. If she is aware of it, and still does it, then she's simply an inconsiderate person and should become an ex-roommate.

Believe me, I know what you mean about not wanting anyone over too much; that's one reason I won't get a roommate. I like not having anyone there unless I feel like it.
 HottieScotty
Joined: 6/9/2004
Msg: 27
Roommate having her boyfriend over constantly?
Posted: 3/22/2006 10:02:09 AM
I personally think it's just plain strange to have an ex living with you..
It's great your just friends.....but why give her cheep rent?
Hummmmm...just plain wierd .
 NightMare_Barbie
Joined: 3/22/2006
Msg: 28
Roommate having her boyfriend over constantly?
Posted: 3/22/2006 10:08:12 AM
sceptik....


Just one question how are you copeing and dealing with the fact that your ex is your roommate and she invites her "NEW" boyfriend over alot (mostly everynight) knowing you
two use to, be togeather and have feelings for one another.?


It has to be hard on your part especialy if you still care and love her (even if its as friends) i don't think i could be strong enough to let my ex boyfriend and his new girlfriend live with me knowing how good, things was when we USE to date.
 NightMare_Barbie
Joined: 3/22/2006
Msg: 32
Roommate having her boyfriend over constantly?
Posted: 3/22/2006 10:28:05 AM
sceptik...

I understand it better now and i know how you must been feeling and felt the guy i was with we broke up because of this woman in her late/late 40s and she treated him like a "puppy" it was like she had, some sort of "hold" over him and anything she said/done was "fine" i could look in his eyes and KNOW he was NOT happy.

But i guess he was afraid of what she would do or end up doing to some people including him.

Your post reminded me of alot of the thing i went through for 2years and even tho it was hell, because of that woman i still did NOT give up on him.


Best of luck and i am sorry for takeing up your fourm.
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 33
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Roommate having her boyfriend over constantly?
Posted: 3/22/2006 10:30:56 AM
One quick question ... how many hours per day would you estimate he is there? If he is “basically living there” then you have a legitimite gripe.

But I’ll tell you now, no matter what the situation is, people are going to view your problem with this arrangement as being a product of jealousy.

But I have been in a situation kind of like yours. I had four roommates in college. Two of them had GFs that “basically” lived with us. One was a saint. She cleaned the house all the time, would cook us dinner and was into having a good time regardless of what the guys in the house were doing. She was great and fit right in like the rest of us - she made it a better to live.

The other one was a total biotch. When we had parties and guests would be there until 4 a.m. or so, she would **** and complain that it was too loud and people needed to go home, she’d take over the TV, tell us we were lazy for playing video games and told us we drank too much. It got to the point where we had to tell our roommate that she was no longer welcome for longer than a couple or so hours per day.

Bottom line is, it’s your place and you should feel comfortable being there.
 Summer Teeth
Joined: 3/9/2006
Msg: 35
Roommate having her boyfriend over constantly?
Posted: 3/22/2006 10:37:02 AM
Sceptik--I think it's great that you are happy she has found someone, but in order for you to move on, don't you have to gain some distance from the situation?

I won't talk about the logistics or the financial matters anymore, but EMOTIONALLY this doesn't seem like a fair situation for you . . .
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 37
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Roommate having her boyfriend over constantly?
Posted: 3/22/2006 10:49:05 AM
Sceptik,
Yeah, I would say he IS living with you. That should be addressed directly.

But I also have to agree with summer, for your own mental health I would suggest you ask that she moves out. That has to be taxing.
 funfemme906
Joined: 3/2/2006
Msg: 42
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History
Roommate having her boyfriend over constantly?
Posted: 3/22/2006 11:56:35 AM
OP: This is my opinion: Simply put, she is using you for a place to stay cheaply and also rubbing the breakup in your face. If I were you, I would tell her to get out asap or I would bring a date over and see how she felt about it. Just some thoughts........
 Summer Teeth
Joined: 3/9/2006
Msg: 45
Roommate having her boyfriend over constantly?
Posted: 3/22/2006 1:06:13 PM
EB1--So I guess that the solution for the both of you would be for you two to hook up with each other . . .
 coca2
Joined: 2/17/2006
Msg: 49
Roommate having her boyfriend over constantly?
Posted: 3/22/2006 2:00:05 PM
ok.. here it is.. WAKE UP...holy cow. this is a business deal...$$$ being exchanged. get the b.f to split the rend. you now have a 3 way split. get a contract written up with the new terms. if u can't do this..or throw them out.. u r a whimp and stop the complaining. grow up and act like an adult.
 coca2
Joined: 2/17/2006
Msg: 51
Roommate having her boyfriend over constantly?
Posted: 3/22/2006 2:41:08 PM
i'm not being aggressive.. and what other forums did i come across hostile? i am only stating the obvious..as in other forums. i stand up to the crossdressers, think that murders should pay the price, don't like cologne.. so where's the agreesion??? so, what solution have you come up with??? i have been in the same spot. i had to tell my roommate new conditions..or one of us leaves.
 Mystacall
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 53
Roommate having her boyfriend over constantly?
Posted: 3/22/2006 3:26:54 PM
Sceptik..NO you are not being unreasonable ...I had a roomate once who I told 'no over nite guest' unless it was family from out of town..he wanted his girl friend to be able to stay over and asked if one night a week would be ok (and it was my house for people who don't read your blog correctly also) I finally said ok one night a week ..well then it was two then she would come on friday and leave monday ...well i got fed up told him to exit immediatly and found a new cool guy roommate who has no problem with my house rule...sorry but i don't provide shower, electric, comfort, and my home to a stranger and out of a week that is like half the rent that she lives rent free ...give them both the boot....take no excuses! New York you should have no problem finding another cool roomie ...wanta trade? I live in fla.. you can come here six mo...I will come there!! lol
 MarkCK
Joined: 9/24/2005
Msg: 55
Roommate having her boyfriend over constantly?
Posted: 3/22/2006 5:58:29 PM
hey, if I had a hat - i'd take it off and do the hats off thing! nice one for putting up with it

i'd explain to her that you just don't feel comfy with it and see what she says about it

maybe you should get her out and get someone else in or something, you can't really go giving her rules nobody will feel good doing or abiding by rules, either she's there or not i'd say

good luck anyway
 crystalise
Joined: 6/11/2005
Msg: 58
Roommate having her boyfriend over constantly?
Posted: 3/22/2006 6:42:49 PM
Im kinda the opposite viewpoint to those who may say its none of your business

Ex or not, you have a living arrangement between the TWO of you. and NOT her boyfriend. I have flatted with people for many years and I have always had the same stipulation that I have arranged to live with one person, not two

anyone who comes into your home, where your personal belongings are and privacy is your business to a point. I dont mean interfering in the reltaionship or what they do, I am only talking about the simple fact of how often they are there and using the amenities

I didnt agree to live with two people or pay for half of the cost of three people using the electricty and water etc etc

I dont bring it up like that of course, I simply say at the beginning of living with someone, Im not comfortable with a third person being there all the time and I have an agreement with whoever I live with, that we talk about 'new' boyfriends and or girlfriends and whats reasonable to have them over eg 1 or 2 or 3 nights a week. And I do the same.

Its simple manners and respect for each of you

Yiu need to talk to her, you live there too. No need to get too dramatic or defensive, and just ask her what she does think of him being over so much? and then tell her you feel uncomfortable, but keep it to unbias things such as personal space, use of the amenities, cost and privacy. Keep the emotion out of it because thats not applicable to a live in situation that you guys have. You do have to acknowledge she is entitled to a love life and her own privacy - but you guys need to talk about whats acceptable amount of time for a love interest to be at your place of residence. Make it fair, stick to it, because dont forget you might have a partner yourself one day -

Ps another thing to consider is your household contents insurance. Generally youre not covered by anyone you let into the house with a residents permission should they 'steal' anything. Not saying this is this guy - but its just a good argument in the defence of the flatmate bringing too many 'new' people back to your accomodation for future reference

Cheers.
 cuty93
Joined: 1/25/2006
Msg: 59
Roommate having her boyfriend over constantly?
Posted: 3/22/2006 7:09:47 PM
and that's exactly why you don't date your roommate :)
 Rouxx
Joined: 9/19/2005
Msg: 60
Roommate having her boyfriend over constantly?
Posted: 3/22/2006 7:21:47 PM
There is a lot to be said for not having to question "THE" relationship.............times like now when I read things like this!

Going to bed and I'm GLAD it's only my cat that will be there with me!!
 keepingit
Joined: 3/10/2006
Msg: 63
Roommate having her boyfriend over constantly?
Posted: 3/22/2006 8:42:18 PM
The world is so strange. IT's your house. You feel you owe her something? Why is she there?
 LossMyMarbles
Joined: 3/18/2006
Msg: 64
Roommate having her boyfriend over constantly?
Posted: 3/22/2006 9:37:49 PM
The problem you are having now is the very reason why I know I could never have a roommate. Chances are even if you laid down rules you'd end up bending them a little. And seeing as she is some one you care about........it makes it all the harder to enforce them.

However, like you said, its your home. You need to feel comfy there and right now you don't. So its time to have a talk with her. Its the only way you're going to get any resolve. If she won't bend to accomodate your needs.............then I'm sorry to say but I'd have to tell her to move out.

Much luck.....
 willsray
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 68
Roommate having her boyfriend over constantly?
Posted: 3/24/2006 4:21:57 PM
ask her why she doesn't ever go to his place and find someone that u like to spend the night with and move on/get over it you're wasting energy worrying about something that isn't that big of a deal if ya'll are friends, you might be happy for her time will make it easier enough of that high horse
 crystalise
Joined: 6/11/2005
Msg: 69
Roommate having her boyfriend over constantly?
Posted: 3/24/2006 4:45:18 PM
^^ yep A bit off topic but doesnt she ever wonder why she doesnt go to his place? thats not right...................
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