Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 84
So you want a second chance?Page 2 of 57    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)

What about a 3rd chance? I was together with my bf for 2 years, we broke up for 3 weeks, 9 months in. He broke up wit me, then asked to get back together. He recently broke it off again, should I even try?

It would definately be worth it if it works in my opinion, hes an incredible person.

Whatcha think?

I think if you are OK with a lifetime of breaking up at his whim, go for it.
If it's really really important to you, it might be worth thinking back over the situations and look for a pattern or a consistent trigger.
I'm sure you are right he's a terrific guy,and an INCREDIBLE IDIOT, but then I'm not in love with him.
Love and good luck to you,sweetie, whatever you decide to do!
Cindy O
 ck1time
Joined: 9/10/2005
Msg: 109
view profile
History
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 5/7/2006 4:08:35 AM
NICE. Jarbarian has my vote for public service effort. Most ppl think too much when they let their heart rule their brain. That's why they get confused, 'cause the heart doesn't think! On the other hand, the brain DOES feel.
Cool evening & morning skies this month, eh, Jarbarian? (Jupiter/Saturn/Moon/Mars/Castor-Pollux)
 virgogidget
Joined: 11/10/2005
Msg: 110
view profile
History
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 5/7/2006 5:39:29 AM
This was a great topic
some really great postings as well
Thank You to all and of course you Jar for taking the time to type
God bless
Gidget
 lil_chicky_brat1
Joined: 5/7/2006
Msg: 118
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 5/9/2006 8:15:43 AM
the first thing, don't make him seem that u can't live without him..u can do better, its his loss if he hasn't called or anything, just let it take time because my ex never called me for over 4 months and he called me out of the blue..so don't feel bad ok bye
 Montreal_Guy
Joined: 3/8/2004
Msg: 133
view profile
History
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 5/12/2006 9:34:37 PM
Keep the faith bro.

Congrats on your strength and convictions, and never lose those.
 purplestardust101
Joined: 4/27/2006
Msg: 144
view profile
History
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 5/14/2006 9:11:41 PM
Excellent post...but if you are with the right person, you won't have to worry about this...because you won't need that second chance....
 purplestardust101
Joined: 4/27/2006
Msg: 146
view profile
History
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 5/15/2006 7:26:27 AM
Jarbarian...Relationships take working on them...for the rest of your lives...tossing in the towel...only gets the towel dirty...lol...sorry...but tossing in the towel is only for when you cannot possibly work it any other way...a true lasting relationship with another person that you really love or care for, always takes the work of "Both" of you to succeed...not just in the beginning...but all the way...the towel is just for flicking the other person with...lol...keeps relationships alive...
Enjoy...
~Micheline~
 ctyoe
Joined: 5/17/2006
Msg: 154
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 5/17/2006 10:42:10 PM
Thank you for posting this info jarbarian. I was wondering if I could get some advice from you.

I'm 19, my ex is 17. It was a first relationship for both of us. Everything was going so well and we did so much in the time we spent together. Then she went away to a bible camp, our first time we were away from each other, and came back and she broke up with me. She said she was just "trying out having a boyfriend" and still wanted to be friends, and we have hung out once since then. It was hard to look at her as just a friend because we had only dated and were never really just friends. We both worked at the same place, so we talked and joked around after the relationship. Her family was not too happy with her decision since they really like me. I called her a few times just to talk and ask why things happened the way they did but she just said that she didn't want a boyfriend right now. She gave me her cell phone number a few months ago, which I thought was a good sign. But I tried calling her once and left a message but never got a call back. Weeks went by and we slowly drifted apart and at the time I was so confused. Then I found out that she became interested in another guy at the bible camp when she went on her trip and at the time I made a very stupid move...I called her and talked to her about it. At the time she was ignoring me so I figured "What do I have to lose, I need answers to help me heal." She said that she didn't like him...I told her I believed her and I trusted her. Well, after that weeks went by that she would see me and wouldn't even say hello or anything (she comes into the store I work at). Well, at this point I was very upset with myself because I thought I had hurt her, so I wrote her a letter and told her that I was sorry if I upset her. Her brother came to me and said that "she still thinks I'm cool" and that he wasn't sure why she did what she did. This happened last week.

So my question is, did I blow it? I wish I had just stayed away instead of trying to still be there as a friend. I was just confused, because I thought since she said in the beginning that she still wanted to be friends that it was ok to try to call her, and if I didn't I wouldn't be holding up my end of the deal. My plans now are to not contact her for a few months, what do you think? I know it will be hard because she will come into the store I work at to shop. When I do decide to see how she's doing, I'm not even sure what I should say. How long should I wait? I just hope she remembers me as the guy that made her happy and all the fun we had. Thank you very much!
 ctyoe
Joined: 5/17/2006
Msg: 157
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 5/18/2006 10:52:52 AM
Thanks for the reply and I will do that. Yes I am going to College but right now I need some time to heal from this relationship, but I will try to get my mind off of her for now and follow your guidelines. Thanks again.
 ctyoe
Joined: 5/17/2006
Msg: 172
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 5/24/2006 12:47:00 PM
jarbarian, one more question for you. I was the one who you answered a question for at the bottom of page 8. Since I work at a store, where my ex comes in a couple times a week, I was wondering what I should do about the "no contact" rule. We don't actually talk, but we do see a glimpse of each other every once inawhile and it is very difficult for me to get ahold of myself when I see her, my heart feels like it's up in my throat. It's hard to recover when I see her like this. How do I follow this rule since I really can't? I'm doing my best to stay away from the areas where I might get a glimpse of her though.

Also, with this same no contact rule, if I do manage to barely not see her for a couple months, what should I do then? Attempt to talk to her, or just stay away? See how she acts, then make a decision based off that?
 ctyoe
Joined: 5/17/2006
Msg: 174
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 5/24/2006 5:30:25 PM

The quotes "never let them see you sweat" and "fake it till you make it" come to mind. Don't let her see you down or bothered. Smile, be happy. Don't initiate a conversation, let her do that. Your life is GREAT without her (whether you believe it or not, you need to live that).


I've been doing pretty good at making it seem like I'm happy, I'm usually working with other coworkers and we like to laugh alot but the odd thing is I usually see her when I'm working alone. So I just make it seem like I'm happy, and keeping my chin up.


Are you in any form of contact right now?
Have you followed the guide completely? (Hanging out with friends, working out, etc).
The fact she still comes in there is odd. Does she HAVE to? Why do you suppose she is doing it?


Nope, just when we catch a glimpse of each other at the store. Now that you mention it, it is odd that she comes in there. She does live maybe a block away from the store though. She hasn't been coming in there alot lately though but I'm not sure why she would when she knows she'll see me. Maybe it's just that she's confused right now.

And I thought that it was a little weird that last week her brother came to tell me that she read the letter (mentioned on page 8), and then this week her other brother told me she read the letter, like she sent them out to tell me that - like she wants them to tell her how I responded. I just thought about the rules you posted, and just said "oh yeah?" since I didn't want to say something foolish that would end up getting back to her. One of her brothers actually joked around with me at the store later on, I was actually in a pretty good mood, so she might have found out about that (which is a good thing) since everybody in that family always tells each other everything (I've been over there enough times to know).


I'm not insinuating she wants to see you but if you look "down and out" every time you see her that won't bode well for you. You need to maintain a positive attitude as much as you can. Yeah I know it hurts but you're in complete control of your emotions if you want to be.


That's good advice. I have to tell myself that I'm happy, and that she's the one that doesn't know what she wants.
 ctyoe
Joined: 5/17/2006
Msg: 175
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 5/24/2006 5:35:08 PM
Oh and I forgot to mention that I am following the guide and have not talked to her for about a month, just seen glimpses of each other in the store - which I'm trying my best to keep my chin up and look happy.
 lrharris
Joined: 6/6/2006
Msg: 185
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 6/6/2006 4:10:15 AM
My ex and I broke up for the second time in December 2005 and it was not a good breakup. I guess you would say this would be a "third" chance, but I want to reconcile. The breakup was very hurtful, as we both said very hurtful things to one another. We recently started communicating as a result of a conversation he had with a family member of mine. In this conversation he commented on how fond he was of me and how he wished me well and missed me. Since December, we've haven't talked. He attempted to contact me by phone once (I didn't answer the call) and emailed me once (I didn't respond). However, the recent conversation he had with my family member prompted me to call. In talking to him, we both apologized for the argument we had in December. He also disclosed that he has a girlfried, which has devestated me. This person is apparently someone he has known for five years (I had been with him for 2 years and he had another girlfriend prior to me for 2 years). He seems to be very serious about her and spends a lot of time with her.

In recent weeks (we've been talking several times a week initiated mostly by me) we've had lunch together several times, have talked on the phone until wee hours of the morning and have had a sexual encounter. We both agree that our sex life is and has always been out of this world, but I want more than that. I want what I use to have.

Is there a chance we can ever get back together? When we talk about what went wrong, he's reply is that we need time to heal and to learn to trust each other again. He constantly makes reference and compares our situation to Big and Carrie on Sex in the City. This makes me hopeful. Should I be hopeful especially when he is involve with someone else? Is this someone else a rebound relationship? If it is a rebound relationship, how should I play my cards right?

I plan to follow your steps for a second chance plan, but I honestly want to know do you think this applies to a third chance and have I ruined the chance of reconiliation since we've be back in touch?

I really love him and always have? HELP!!!
 Montreal_Guy
Joined: 3/8/2004
Msg: 186
view profile
History
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 6/6/2006 6:08:49 AM
Let me get this straight...

You "love him" , and you've broken up with him twice.

You know he has a girlfriend, and you still slept with him. He is with someone, cheated on her (with your assistance), and you actually still are considering entering into a third round with this guy ?

"He seems to be very serious about her and spends a lot of time with her."

Nice to know that he's that serious, I'd hate to see what would happen if he had even more "free" time.

So, if I understand you correctly, you accept infidelity as long as it's to your benefit.

To each his own, but if he did it with you - he will do it to you. All it will take is time, and the right opportunity, and you will be the one crying about how he hurt you by being unfaithful.

You judge someone by their actions, and integrity.

This guy has none.
 lrharris
Joined: 6/6/2006
Msg: 187
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 6/6/2006 7:25:47 AM
I hear what you are saying and I do agree. But I also know that this guy is a good guy and that I we hurt each other badly. I know what we did was wrong. Do you think it's possible that we care about each other and that is why it happen? I know that it was wrong and I do feel horrible about and so does he. I know this maybe hard to believe, but I don't accept infidelity.

We broke up twice due to the strain of his financial situation (he's an appraiser and business was bad).

I do love him and the reason for our breakup was senseless. We said a lot of things in the end, including that it would be best to move on.

He really is a kind, sweet guy, who I said and did a lot of hurtful things to?
 Montreal_Guy
Joined: 3/8/2004
Msg: 189
view profile
History
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 6/7/2006 6:46:15 PM
Do you think it's possible that we care about each other and that is why it happen? I know that it was wrong and I do feel horrible about and so does he. I know this maybe hard to believe, but I don't accept infidelity.


That sounds more like an excuse, than a reason. You do in fact accept infidelity, because you helped someone commit exactly that - and want to be in a relationship with him.

There are two types of people in this world. People who cheat, and people who do not.

That can be evidenced by the fact that ( I believe) a great number of people never have and never will cheat on the person they love - even if given the chance.They may fall in love with someone else, and leave the person they are with at the moment, but that's not cheating.

Those that do, most times, will do so again - when the chance is given to them.

It's very much the same mentality that I suggested earlier regarding the law. Are you a law abiding person because you believe in the moral validity of that philosophy - or because you are scared of being caught by the police ?

I think that most people would not suddenly become criminals, if all police forces were to vanish. Some no doubt would, but the majority would not.

It's about character...
 foxfox
Joined: 4/19/2006
Msg: 195
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 6/13/2006 1:03:38 PM
Great advice jarbarian
 Montreal_Guy
Joined: 3/8/2004
Msg: 196
view profile
History
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 6/13/2006 1:21:21 PM

Well for one thing, sex CONFUSES the heart. One person may associate sex with love while the other associates it with personal gratification. It's personal to them, not something they're really sharing a part of the heart and soul with. Without preaching this is why God tells us to refrain from sexual relations with someone until we're married. I understand that's never going to stop but at least you have an understanding of why.


There is a biochemical reason , as well


Oxytocin is released during orgasm in both sexes. In the brain, oxytocin is involved in social recognition and bonding, and might be involved in the formation of trust between people.

Bonding. In people, plasma concentrations of oxytocin have been reported to be higher amongst people who claim to be falling in love. Oxytocin has a role in social behaviors in many species, and so it seems likely that it has similar roles in humans.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oxytocin


So, it seems, love is a drug. It seems Brian Ferry was indeed right.


Lumber up, limbo down
The locked embrace, the stumble round
I say go, she say yes
Dim the lights, you can guess the rest
Oh oh catch that buzz
Love is the drug i´m thinking of
Oh oh can´t you see
Love is the drug, got a hook in me
Oh oh catch that buzz
Love is the drug i´m thinking of
Oh oh can´t you see
Love is the drug for me

-Love is the drug
Roxie Music
 sillyatheart3
Joined: 4/29/2006
Msg: 202
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 6/15/2006 11:42:47 PM
See everyone.. this kid is from California.. we are so diffrent from Oklahoma.. Thanks man.. that is what i have been telling these oklahoma people thy are missing out on everything in life. They hold on to the past and they refuse to just get on with there life..

I now know that it is not me. Thank you so very much.. I am california Redondo Beach and i am so very proud of it becousef we are open minded people.. we do not judge others for the way they life there life.

We think diffrent and this is the truth. everyone busts me for all my long long long letters. and the last 3 people i have read with these kind of forms are all Califorinas.. Man.. thanks with all my heart and soul

I NEEDED YOU TOO NIGHT.. I AM STUCK IN A DEAD END TOWN WHO JUST DONT GET IT..THY JUST DONT UNDERSTAIND "WOMEN OR MEN" IT IS SO DAMN SAID AND THEY ALL TREAT EACH OTHER LIKE IT IS THERE FAULT.

Well all i can say is this.. People.. you are missing out on life.. and love.. becouse you will not let go..

Man Thanks.. this women needed this tonight.. Jewels.
Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  >