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Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 402
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So you want a second chance?Page 4 of 57    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)
two tears floated down the river and bumped up against each other.

the first tear said 'i am the tear of a woman who lost her love.'

the second tear said 'i am the tear of the woman who found him'
Joined: 3/8/2004
Msg: 418
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So you want a second chance?
Posted: 8/18/2006 2:55:19 AM
I can pack her stuff up and drop it off at her parents house. I'll include a note that says "I'm sorry but having your things around the house was making it hard for me to move on with my life.". By doing this I will ensure she has no reason to see/talk to me unless she wants to. It also will enable me to get back some of the control I stupidly gave up during the beginning of the break up. The drawback is I don't get to see her, and have no chance to show her any of the improvments I have made. I also could send the message that I am mad at her and make her scared to contact me. At the same time it forces her to think about what she is losing, instead of having one foot in the door still.

The secret to moving forward is ripping those rearview mirrors off your soul.

Since you are still pretty new to the situation, the way you are thinking is completely normal.

My advice would be to drop off her things at her parent's house. The note isn't needed. They are her things, and not yours, and you are simply returning them. A note, in this case, implies needing to "tell her" something.

Both of you know everything you need to know.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow a mystery, and today is all you are ever going to really have for sure.

You are still seeing yourself, subconciously, as a part of something that no longer exists. Basing any of your actions on the other person is still being tied to them. What's needed is to cut those last emotional references, and sail forward into the future.

It's scary at the start, and all voyages of discovery are. You are in unknown territory, and those comforting landmarks you used to have are all gone. The secret is to enjoy the voyage, and not to worry about the destination. Concentrate on yourself, and your interests and needs. So something you always wanted to do, but were always putting off.

A lot of people here in this thread have made that voyage, and sailed some pretty stormy seas. I'd dare say most of us don't regret the effort it took to get to where we are now. I look back at those first weeks of being single, and my reaction, with some humour now.

I went through a really bad time for a short period, but I came out of it a far better and stronger person than I ever dreamt of being before my voyage started. Everything you need is sitting there looking you straight in the face, as much as you don't realize it at the moment.

Stay strong, and go forward.
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 421
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 8/18/2006 2:30:27 PM
Joined: 4/4/2006
Msg: 430
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 8/24/2006 7:40:25 PM
OP, the odds of a second chance to work are 5%? Wow, I didn’t know they were that high!
Joined: 8/8/2006
Msg: 432
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 8/27/2006 7:26:12 PM
I am trying to figure out if I need a second chance. I had an affair for 7 years, while my intimate relationship in the marriage to a much older guy does not exist and the divorce is just a formality.

The guy I was seeing divorced , then we became even closer and one day he just told me that I was just sex and he will be dating someone. We kept meeting each other, he is my only friend per say. So finally I just stopped talking to him last month. It is really hard for me, I became judgemental toward others. I love him but I will never trust him again. I do not believe that we can be friends.
Joined: 4/12/2006
Msg: 434
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 8/28/2006 12:24:54 AM
I broke up with my ex 6 months ago, it broke my heart but i had to choose between staying home with my dad and helping his company, or coming back to edmonton to plan the wedding, my dad said that it would only be a couple of weeks, five months later I was still helping him out and running his company while he got his stuf figured out. my ex didn't understand why I couldn't choose my life over my dads. the last words he said to me were its over. then a month ago he called to know where I had put his skates. i told him, and then he called the next week and asked if I knew where his favorite hat had been packed, I had no idea, we were talking for about an hour, and I didn't tell him really anything about my life, while he told me everything, about his new girl friend, his new ob, his new truck, and his new house. The thing is every day since we broke up I haven't stopped thinking about him,I never called anything. I used our break up to change my life. I bought a jeep, cut my hair, and applied to school. I still love him but I haven't tortured myself over him, and I was wondering if being away from him has inspired me to change my life for the better, if its worth trying for a second chance. He told me that he loved me like the first day he loved me. is that an opening for a second chance or should i respect the new girlfriend and ignore him? or should I marry the man i love?
Joined: 8/8/2006
Msg: 435
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 8/28/2006 3:11:13 AM
I feel in a very akward sutuation. We had been friends for so long and chatting almost every day for about 7 years. He works on the net and is around often. When he divorced we started meeting every week in person. Then about 2 years ago he said he will be dating and tried to break up but I would not let go and we kept meeting. When I try to move on and he would look for me on the the net. Intimatewise sex became better then it ever. Then out of the blue he said she moved in with him. We met only once since and kept chatting. We were about to meet again and I backed off - whats the point.When he decided to date, I told him that I love him and that he should give it at least a chance - it was like talking to a brick wall. He kept putting boundries between un. He started being irritated that I was ignorring that existance of the girlfriend and started inventing things like to reason with himself. He even wrote me that he never said that he loves me and it was just sex and I am imagining things. The latest news was that it did not work out between us because we fight all the time and how can we fight - we hardly ever meet and when we meet we spend the time in bed. Then he found it wriong that evfery time we meet we had sex, I mean this is plain weird statement for me.

I was told that deeply down in my mind I have decided that he is my perfect mate and I would not let go. At the same time a relationship like that is based on a lie if it does not work out. I wonder why it lasted so long - 7 years.

Right now I just want to forget about it. I tried to meet new people but it was quite dissapointing. I look very good, very well educated , professional. It is easy for me to meet other people but not easy to relate to them. I mean the chemistry is just not there.

I wonder how long will this last. Going to Europe in 2 weeks - this willm freshen me up , I hope..... gee last trip I spend chatting with him on the net ... it feels like curse
Joined: 6/9/2006
Msg: 438
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 8/28/2006 2:50:02 PM
hey bro tell me what u think of this.
i was in a relationship for almost two yrs and me and my girl split up,that is after we had a kid together.i flipped,since then ,that was about 4 mths ago.ive called her every name in the book,out of a lot of anger cuz i swear i still love her.she tells me that im the worst thing to ever happen to her,that hurts.but we cant even get along on a parent level cuz we just fight.the other day i found out that my "friend" sean,who weve known about the same amount of time since way before we broke up.i found out that they like each other,they just recently found this out,i wigged and i have him scared to even talk to her know.Am i just psycho or is that justifiable?i mean its my babys momma,he should know better right??but anyway i love the girl and i beleive there is no cahnce in hell she would ever take me back,but i can wish
Joined: 5/19/2006
Msg: 442
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So you want a second chance?
Posted: 8/30/2006 4:12:35 PM
... I think thats a bs blow off to be honest.. but shes not that type of girl to hurt anyone.. she wants to make both of us happy me and that other guy.. shes wants us both in her life she says she loves me... but doesnt wanna lose that friendship with hte other guy.. but shes not attracted to him like that only me.... i dunno any help would be appreciated!!

Okay, I'm not gonna quote the whole thing here, but I'll be honest with you Joey, it sounds like this is a toxic situation for both of you.

From the information I've got here it sounds like you two are very co-dependant - don't get me wrong, I understand the pangs of love but it seems like you're almost setting yourself up to be hurt by this girl. I mean, knowing that she can't date you and still having intense feelings for her AND THEN signing up for classes where you see her every day for 2 days a week? Dude, you must be cruisin' for a bruisin'... if you keep putting yourself into situations where you're going to get hurt, well, guess what? You're going to get hurt.

It doesn't sound to me like you've moved on from her - she's gone on to seeing other men, but what did you do? Are you waiting for her to change her mind? And even if she did, you said yourself it wasn't the same. I think deep down Joey you know that it's not going to work between the two of you but I get the feeling that you don't know how to not have her in your life, especially after the several relationships you've had with her.

My advice, after reading what you've said here, is to spend some time by yourself - get over her because your relationship doesn't sound very healthy to me at all.

Best of luck to you!
Joined: 8/2/2006
Msg: 445
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So you want a second chance?
Posted: 9/2/2006 9:16:13 PM
That is so true! I never really thought about it until I read it! That is really top notch advice!
Joined: 8/8/2006
Msg: 450
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 9/4/2006 9:45:09 AM
there is a saying:

" You can choose who to love but you can not choose who will love you "
Joined: 7/19/2006
Msg: 455
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 9/8/2006 9:06:24 PM
I wanted to ask for a 2nd chance with certain men I have dated in here... to name a few & they know who they are bec I have no idea what went wrong except maybe for the first date sex thing then they never talked to me again.... I miss most of them Jarod,Devin & Darren- all three of u.... I am asking for a 2nd chance to be your friend at least bec I have no clue what went wrong with all of us.....ciao
Joined: 6/12/2006
Msg: 471
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 9/24/2006 10:01:40 AM I have a question...I followed everything to a "T". So I went out the other night. Where I live its a pretty small town and there is only really one place to go. Now here I was thinking I was safe there because my ex hated going there. He never went. So I'm having a blast dancing, and all of a sudden I look up, and there he is. So I kept my cool and continued like he wasnt there. But as I came back from the ladies room, he stopped me. We talked a bit, argued a bit, but didnt come to any real conclusion. He said he still loves me, as do I. The next day, a friend calls to tell me that they all knew I was there, and that he purposely wanted to go so he could speak with me. Ok, so we spoke. Then he calls me up 2 days later to talk again. He says, not that he wants me back, but that can we sort of make a fresh start, cause he says we have to start somewhere if we both want to make a go of it. I am not sure what I should be doing. I havent contacted him myself, he's the one doing the calling. He says that if its meant to be, it will happen. I'm just not sure what my next step should be or my reply to him. I do want to be with him again, but I have held back in letting him know how badly I do, just so I dont get hurt. I know I am taking a chance but just dont know how to do this. We have a long history together, and I believe he is sincere in wanting us to be together. I think we have both learned alot from the break up, and maybe that's what we needed to open our eyes...any advice??
Joined: 6/12/2006
Msg: 473
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 9/25/2006 10:56:25 AM
We broke up August 1. We had been friends for a year, then dated for a year. During this time, we didnt live together. I will say that we both had alot of insecurity. Me with his past ways, because he was a 'love em and leave em' kind of guy. Now I see that he had grown up alot. He's proved to me that he's not that way anymore, but I guess during the relationship, I was very insecure. That night we argued because of something I had asked him about during the relationship, he lied, and only now did I find out the truth. So when he asked why I was upset, that's why we fought. It wasnt like he cheated on me, but it was stilll a lie. Anyway, I realize now that alot of my insecurities didnt matter, that he was with me, and only me, but I couldnt get past HIS past at the time. Now I know better. I also know he takes nothing lightly and any decision to get back together will be totally thought through. However, he wants us to start as friends. So what does that mean? I mean, I dont want to date someone else, I want him, but I cant put my life on hold if he and I are going no where. I guess I just dont know how to handle this. He stated he still loved me, and he held me as I cried, where as usually he would get upset that I was emotional. So what now??
Joined: 6/12/2006
Msg: 478
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 9/26/2006 7:27:10 AM
Well we talked again last night. He says he enjoys us talking, but as far as a relationship, he just doesnt know. My thoughts, if you have to think that hard about being with someone, then they obviously arent the one for you. So, that said, I agree, us being friends is going to do nothing but harm. He apologized and said he will leave me be. Back to square one.
Joined: 9/27/2006
Msg: 496
i need some advice!!
Posted: 10/7/2006 5:43:14 AM
hi guys! first of all i'd like to thank jabarian for the great idea of this forum: IT REALLY HELPS!! My story is a bit complicated, but i'll try to explain it as clear as possible, so i can have good advice. I'm 19, we met at school (he was my teacher, and now is 28 years old). We had a good relationship in the classroom, but nothing more than than, then when the school year finished we began to chat and send some mails...he had a girlfriend....but was going through a difficult time (and he talked to me about that!) and by that time i know i felt more than a friend feeling. When mails began, then we couldn't stop! we sent to each other huge mails, we had so much in common! our souls were so alike! we liked the same music and had so many simmilarities, that we began to like this of contacting each other...we met a couple of times....and then i told him i'd been confused (but i really WAS confused!) and he told me he had also felt confused, but "not any more"...and we continued being "good friends".....summerizing....i went to USA for a month, and the night before i left, he kissed me....i felt so many butterflies in my stomach!!!!!!.....and then i was a hard month....but i got back and went back to him. He had broke with his girfriend, and we began to date. At the beginning it was difficult cause no one in the school had to know (although he had quitted when i arrived from USA)....and well....we ad such a beautiful couple!!!! :) But he is so sensitive, so good guy that he began to call me 7 times a day!!! he always did what i wanted...i was the one who decded...and that became to get me tired! not at the beginning, but then. I felt awful, because i did not have the same attitude, and i began to feel that he loved me more and all that shit that we can begin to think...he didn't deserve this....etc etc i talked to him and said to finish the relationship. HE WAS BROKEN....called me crying, sent me sad mails...etc... and i loved him so much! that we got back after 20-30 days....but we did not change anything, so things kept on going the same way. I began to get tired, didn't want to kiss him (didn't feel like doing it) libido was on the floor...i was like bored of doing always what i wanted..... so i talked to him again, after a year of the last cut...and as i saw there was no solution being together....i told him to break up again...for the second time...........BUT THIS TIME WAS DIFFERENT. He didn't contact me any more, didn't call, or mailed, NOTHING. And i was obviously dying to contact him (i have to say that i never felt i didn't love him any more....but i felt that love had turned to an "intimate friend's love"...) i began to feel that i wanted to see him, to hold him (yeah, you guys will be saying "women.....!!!!"), so i called him a couple of times...and the first time we saw each other after the break, he kissed me and we had an encounter.....then we didn't talk anymore and we met again..and we really acted as boyfriends! kissed each other, hug, etc....and the third time we met, we had sex...but i felt him kind of cold......i mean he kissed me and all that but i felt i was the only one that needed to hug and kiss him all the time.....i went home, and he didn't communicated since two days later i sent a txt msg and told him that the casual encounters were hurting me, and that i needed to know what will we do.......he called me, we talked for an hour, he didn't know what to do, but what he knew was that : HE COULDN'T CAME BACK WITH ME AT LEAST NOT ATTHAT MOMENT..... (it sounds funny right? i broke up and was the one wanting to come back, but he didn't!!!!) he told me not to talk or see each other any more at least until a concert we are having on oct 11..(and have the tickets before we broke) 2 weeks passed by, and i couldn't resist any more, so i called him....we talked...and he was so cold again!!!!!! "its the same for me to meet tonight (sunday) or on wednesday"...i'm tired today....god! i was dying to see him and he acted so indifferent! (i understand all the same....) so we met....and he stood cold and told me he was great, hanging out with friends, living his "28 years old for the first time", bored of his job...deciding if he goes or not to USA to begin his master on biology (we was offered to go some months ago...but if he decides to go, he will be leaving for 4 years!!!!!!!!!)....and then the question came......"and how'r you?"..and i couldn't resist so much pain, and i began to we left the bar and stayed in the street talking....(me crying, he talking)....and then he could show me he wasn't "that ok" and began to cry too....he told me he wasn't ok, that he felt like lost, not ok with his family or friends and with a lot of inner doubts (the thirties crisis they call it.....) and that he didn't know what he wanted to do with our situaction but that he could see i needed a definition, so he told me "continue with your life, go out with friends, continue with college....i don't know what i want but i can't tell you to wait for something that maybe never comes....the future is unpredictable..." i need time.....and at the same moment he told me crying "i don't know if this i'm telling you is what i need or what i don't want"......and after some more tears and a tight hug........i went home......dying inside (his answer really surprised me! wasn't he the one that always did what i wanted? wasn't he the one that depended on me?)....... well....26 days had passed since that day....and i'm still blocked on his msn messenger.......and we had NO CONTACT at all.........The thing is that in 4 days we're having the concert....(his brother, 21 years old, is coming too)...and he has my ticket.....and today i can say that i'm going! but i'm really afraid.....i KNOW HE LOVES ME.....we've been together for 2,5 years and shared so much together!!!!! we were the perfect couple, but he was too perfect, too good, too nice, and i needed some "action" to say it some way...i needed to hear a "no", a "i don't want to", “I’d like to” or something! when things are so easy they become boring, and apart from that i could not know him at all if he did not show me what he liked or preferred!!! BUT, I WAS SAYING,......IM AFRAID!!!! Anything can happen......but since the day we met....26 days ago...i suffered so much.......didn't want to get out of my house....didn't want to talk about my i stayed at home, talked a lot to my mother and cried my eyes out!!! Today I can say I feel stronger…at least I could avoid contact….but on 4 days we’ll meet again….So I hope you can give me some advice guys!!!! Do you think he’ll talk to me about any decision? And if he doesn’t…should I tell him to give me any answer? Because, I mean, he told me to continue with my life and stuff like that but showed me so many doubts! And doubts mean HOPE for me! So I cant end this story, because it’s no time for an end, but I feel I can’t go on with my life because I’m like in the “waiting” position….IT’S SO HARD!!!!!! I guess that the day of the concert I will get a clue of whats going on with him…….and that when it ends he’ll tell me to talk….or something like that……I’M SO HURT THAT FEAR INVADES ME, and sometimes I feel he will tell me to come back……..and some other times I feel he will tell me to please end the relationship, that it’s O-V-E-R……
So my question is…SHOULD I GO TO THE CONCERT? He has my ticket so if he doesn’t contacts me to go….should I call him? I love the band and would hate to lose the money of the ticket, and of course not seeing the band….and I asked a lot of people, but some tell me to go and others not to do so….. WHAT SHOULD I DO??????
Joined: 9/28/2006
Msg: 506
hey my name is tammy
Posted: 10/14/2006 9:57:04 PM
i recently met this guy .an we really like each other. but i want to date him . but he sayes i have a chance with him.but how can i tell if he really likes me?i talk to him on the phone ever day an he stayed with me the first an second the third nite he spent time with his kids . an he leaves to go back off shore monday an it really hurts . would i be wrong if i started to fall in love with him already? r should i not call hom an just let him call me r what should i do ? help me please. Tammy
Joined: 7/10/2006
Msg: 509
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 10/16/2006 9:26:19 PM
what incredible advice. you are very prolific and said so many things i had wanted to blog but at work i was time deficient. anyway, thank u and i hope these souls out there take it to heart and READ and learn.
Joined: 11/17/2005
Msg: 514
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 10/18/2006 12:46:33 PM

just as good as
but you can also give a glowing recommendation - I like that!
Joined: 11/28/2005
Msg: 521
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 10/20/2006 10:01:25 AM
thank you that is very true and i been doing that so far ok but yes it is hard but i knew from the start he told me but i feel in love with him so we made it for 7 years but now its more he wants and i can not give him or want to because im not like that so im geting on with my life because its only a one way street here .
 Smilin Angel
Joined: 6/6/2006
Msg: 528
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 10/21/2006 1:30:25 AM
jarbarian Great advice...definately going to print it out and do my best to follow it.

My story in short.... met someone, instant chemistry but we took our time getting to know each other, didn't instantly act on our hormones. He ended things but definately got a mixed message from him. I mean we didn't fight in 5 months, everything seemed awesome. In fact one of his comments was that we didn't have to "do anything" just being together was enough. He says we want different things... that I want the whole package of a relationship and he thought he did but he's not sure now. When asked what he does want he says he doesn't know. He gave me a hug goodbye but it was weird... He is saying he doesn't want a relationship with me but he was clutching me to him like crazy. So I'm confused. He wants to be friends but honestly I know I can't do that, I wanted him for the long term.

I know time heals all wounds.... and if it doesn't heal it enables us to gain some distance from the pain.

 Smilin Angel
Joined: 6/6/2006
Msg: 534
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 10/22/2006 4:10:40 PM
The advice is hard to follow especially in early stages of a break up.... you feel cut off & alone. I know I have great friends but they don't fill the void. I've just spent most of my weekend barely coming out of my room... just don't want to function.

I still don't understand the break up, might never understand it. I think part of me is angry with him because he said he had been feeling that he should end it for the last 6 weeks...I noticed a difference about 3 weeks ago, he was pulling away. My issue with it is why not just talk to me? I have no issue with giving anyone space, I like my own space too.

Although I know he wants to be friends, I told him I need space to heal... but this no contact is soooo hard. its funny I waited almost 4 months before even telling anyone that I had a b/f and now when I seem upset most people will think its silly because their perception will be that we have only been dating a few weeks.

I know for alot of us its the death of our hopes & dreams that we need to mourn, but all that knowledge is great its getting it to take that step from our head to our heart that is sooo dang difficult.

to all of us suffering the break down of a relationship

Always remember its the relationship that failed not you or your ex partner
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