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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Do you stick by someone you're dating who becomes seriously ill?      Home login  
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 BrownEyedLeo
Joined: 1/5/2006
Msg: 17
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Do you stick by someone you're dating who becomes seriously ill?Page 6 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
If it is someone I am "just dating" he would probably feel more comfortable if I did not stay by his side constantly. I am sure he would feel obligated to me if I did that. I would however try to maintain a friendship and let him know I am willing to help if he needs me.
If it were a serious relationship, there is no way I would leave him. I would want to be there to take care of things for him and help ease the pain and loneliness of having a serious illness.I am a very loyal person to someone I care about and to desert them in a time of need is just totally heartless.
If I were the one to get ill, of course I would tell them. I would feel totally betrayed if they did not tell me and made a decision for me as to wheather or not I wanted to stay with them.That decision would be left up to them. If someone could not bear to see me suffer and it was easier for them to go, I could get the freedom to go and would never try to make them feel guilty. Some people can handle sickness and seeing others in painful situations better than others can. If he just left because he was a heartless person, I would wonder why I was ever with him to begin with.
 Lynlin1957
Joined: 2/21/2006
Msg: 18
Do you stick by someone you're dating who becomes seriously ill?
Posted: 3/25/2006 4:15:16 PM
If you care for them, whether "just friends" or something deeper, then you are there for them . It's just that simple.
 Bandito
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 22
Do you stick by someone you're dating who becomes seriously ill?
Posted: 3/25/2006 6:44:11 PM
I would definately...you don't abandon people when they need you the most.

I was touched by my best friend who I met on POF. Her dear friend (also on POF) had a bad accident in Sea-Tac airport. She drove down t9o get her anbd brought her home to help nurse a broken sholder and a bunch of bad bruises. Big cudo's to her and it really showed be the integrity of her character for helping out a friend in dire need.

I wouldn't want someone to dump me unless I developed serious case of stupidity and did something dumb.

Bandito

 designingwoman
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 23
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Do you stick by someone you're dating who becomes seriously ill?
Posted: 3/25/2006 10:23:02 PM
I would do everything I could to help the guy if he became very sick. I would arrange for the best care he could get.

I am not the best nurse when it comes to taking care of sick people (I am extremely squeamish) so I would get someone who is very good at nursing duties to help while I did loving things for him. I would get books for him that he enjoys, spend time with him, and strive to keep his spirits up. I would do my level best despite my squeamishness to help him by doing many little non nursing things for him during the sickness. It's the honorable thing to do.

In sickness and health is a very important part of the marriage vows. I take that seriously and would do everything I can despite my own weaknesses to help him through that difficult time, and I only can hope that he would do the same for me. Even though I tend to be a loner when I am sick because I don't want to bother people with it, I would let him be there for me during any time I was sick.

Newt Gingrich served his wife with divorce papers when his wife lay in the hospital dying of cancer. Now that is disgusting!!
 Country Lady
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 24
Do you stick by someone you're dating who becomes seriously ill?
Posted: 3/26/2006 3:25:47 AM
if say on this site you read on their profile that they had a long term illness then would you give them a chance or just forget about them and move on to the next profile even if they seamed to have a nice profile?


That is partially going to depend on the type of illness and what stage of the disease the person is at.

First case scenario - if a person has a terminal illness that is going to end their life in the near future, then I'll admit that I am shallow enough to say that given the option of knowing before even considering a relationship I would chose to avoid the pain. I have lost a lot of people in my life starting at a very young age - my maternal grandparents at 5&6, my paternal grandmother and mother at 13. I lost my husband and my father within 17 days of each other 4 years ago. (I seem to always suffer losses in 3's - a friend or pet then two important people)

A chronic medical problem that is under control such as early MS or Parkinson's, or a cancer survivor in remission I could probably deal with knowing that eventually it would cause death, however I am unable to deal again with mental illness.

My husband had a serious mental illness which I was unaware of when I met him, by the time I fell in love I couldn't leave him, sat by his bedside after serious suicide attempts and sat helplessly by as he put himself in danger over and over again and made me powerless to do anything about it. He did finally succeed, down at his brother's house, because his brother would not listen to me and take his medication away from him and dole it out.

I know what that did to me and the three years I spent buried in a cave trying to deal with the issue. At this point I know that I don't have the inner fortitude to go down that road again open eyed - and I have even said so in my profile. If it makes me a shallow person, than so be it - at this point I just call it survival.
 Country Lady
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 25
Do you stick by someone you're dating who becomes seriously ill?
Posted: 3/26/2006 4:16:24 AM
I hate to say this but are you sure its the heart problem and not the lifestyle. I personally would find it more of a turnoff that someone frequented pubs than the fact that they can't do pushups.

My husband had a heart problem - he was retired on a disability pension for angina when we met. That to me was not an issue at all. I worked with him on his health issues when he would allow me to - but his mental illness made it difficult. If I tried to get him to eat properly and lose weight and exercise he would balk at being told what to do, if I let him make his own choices about what to eat I was accused of not caring about his health. Borderline Personality Disorder is extremely draining on the family and friends of those who suffer from it - because you can never be right, and what is right one moment is totally wrong 5 minutes later.

Maybe you can't do pushups at this moment - but knowing many heart attack survivors who have had multiple by pass operations - there is no reason other than making a conscious choice NOT TO, that you can't build yourself up slowly to a point where you can. Eighteen months ago I probably couldn't have either because of weight issues - now just try and keep up with me.
 Country Lady
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 27
Do you stick by someone you're dating who becomes seriously ill?
Posted: 3/26/2006 7:46:24 AM
Also insurance issues come up. If they have appropriate insurance to cover this.


It it truly amazing that an invisible line can make such a difference in perspective, but I truly understand where you are coming from. In Canada, thankfully, that would never be an issue because of the universal health care system. Finances were not an issue that even crossed my mind when I posted the original question, only emotional support, but you have put a different tangent on the issue, thank you.
 Country Lady
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 28
Do you stick by someone you're dating who becomes seriously ill?
Posted: 3/26/2006 10:52:44 AM
Actually there is no situation, thankfully, this was just a hypothetical situation that I came up with based upon the article I read. Just based on my prior experiences I don't think I could abandon anyone.
 johnnyboy:down not out!
Joined: 3/24/2006
Msg: 29
Do you stick by someone you're dating who becomes seriously ill?
Posted: 3/26/2006 10:57:03 AM
yes you do, if you're serious with them.
 Wild Heart
Joined: 4/3/2006
Msg: 30
Do you stick by someone you're dating who becomes seriously ill?
Posted: 4/10/2006 5:13:18 PM
When you are married to that person, the chances of someone sticking around are better. Not yet married or just dating - not too good, at least from what I've experienced and from what my friends have experienced. And I'm not talking really sick here, just a little sick - not hospitalized etc - makes you wonder what would happen down the road. Declarations of love abound before and then poof the person is gone just because one needs a little extra support.

I have great respect for any man or woman who stays by his partner's side in those times - even if you have just begun to date, you can still be a friend. I'm sure there are women out there who run too, but women by nature are nurturing so it's less likely. I look at it this way, if you would do it for a friend, why not a lover/friend? I have many friends who would not abandon me in a time of need, but have yet to find a partner who is strong enough to be my man.

It recently happened to a friend of mine, and I immediately thought of that song lyric "you left me just when I needed you most"
 MacKevinized
Joined: 2/15/2006
Msg: 31
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Do you stick by someone you're dating who becomes seriously ill?
Posted: 4/14/2006 10:52:42 PM
I would stick by the person I loved if they were ill

blondmoment, even you. If you were my partner, I'd want to stay and it would hurt me more if you asked me to leave than let me share the good and the bad. I've come close to death and been abandonded because of a health issue and would not wish that feeling on anyone, you realy want to believe when your partner vows for better or worse, in sickness and in health, they mean it.

Your story brought tears to my eyes. I hope you find what you want.
 Trishnaa
Joined: 5/31/2006
Msg: 32
Do you stick by someone you're dating who becomes seriously ill?
Posted: 6/22/2006 12:48:17 PM
Oh yes, definitely.Commitment is supposed to last forever unless the guy sits on his lazy ass all day and becomes a 400 pound monster. Then the marriage/relationship is off.Because that is not who I married/dated.BUT if its illness,accident,coma and any other unfortunate incident...I'm going to stay there and take care of him no matter what happens.



~*Flavia*~
 element1
Joined: 5/23/2006
Msg: 33
Do you stick by someone you're dating who becomes seriously ill?
Posted: 6/22/2006 4:05:01 PM
Do you stick by someone you're dating who becomes seriously ill? yes watch "The Notebook"
 Kirklet
Joined: 3/21/2006
Msg: 34
Do you stick by someone you're dating who becomes seriously ill?
Posted: 6/22/2006 5:10:55 PM
Of course stick by them....hence the word integrity. Any man would be an ass not fail on his partner when they were/are vulnerable and at their lowest.
 BRASS
Joined: 12/8/2005
Msg: 35
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Do you stick by someone you're dating who becomes seriously ill?
Posted: 6/22/2006 10:27:39 PM
A few years ago one night I went down hard on my bike. Cracked my helmet and lots of internal damge. [But my bike was OK]. The woman I had been exclusively dating for over a year came to tell me good bye. So much for her loyalty. I don't know what was worse the actual physical pain, or her. IF I were diagnosed with a fatal ailment I would probably end a relationship as to to make anyone else go through my suffering. I've lived alone all of my life and have resigned myself to it.
 Witchypoo
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 36
Do you stick by someone you're dating who becomes seriously ill?
Posted: 6/23/2006 9:50:29 AM
I cannot remember a time when my Grandmother was not sick. She was diagnosed with Parkinsons disease when I was very young. My Grandfather, the kind but stern wonderful man he was stuck to her like glue. He did everything for her. He made a commitment to her at marriage and kept that commitment. For better or worse and Parkinsons will make it a living hell. I admired this incredible man for the quiet strength he showed each and every one of us grandchildren. I have always tried to model my life in this fashion. That's what friends and loved ones are for.

When he was diagnosed with lung cancer in 99 we were all there at the time by his side. My daughter who was 17 and a real problem child showed her true colors at that time. I asked her if she would go stay and help as she had dropped out of school and job corp. She, for a couple of years had been a real a$$hole, and frankly I was losing hope that she would turn it around. She stepped up to the plate and said "Mom you don't even have to ask" I had to work so I could only be there nights with them. My daughter was a "Goddess send " to my mother and with her limited nursing experience she took care of my Grandfather so incredibly well.

Towards the end this very dignified man had to be carried to bed, the bathroom, given sponge baths and the whole thing was very demeaning to him. We were all there for it and my lovely daughter, really proved whose family she came from. She made me so dam proud. The whole family was by his side as he quietly passed on. I have come to model my life in respect to this amazing man.

I have a friend who is a cancer survivor, I was not there with him through his illness because I have only met him recently, but I'll tell you, if he were to be sick again, he can get pi$$ed of and rail and be a complete jerk off but I'll tell ya, I won't be leaving his side period!!! He'd have to build a fortress to keep me out and if he did that....... I'd find my way in through the cracks or blow the dam thing up. I promise.... I will not leave his side and he is just a friend.

That's the type of man he is as well, so he can expect nothing less from me.

When you love somebody......... it's just what you do.

:))
Witchy
 captnjimbo
Joined: 2/11/2006
Msg: 37
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Do you stick by someone you're dating who becomes seriously ill?
Posted: 6/23/2006 4:39:28 PM
I would like to think that I would be there. But reality is that my ex left me upon diagnosis that I would never recover from a serious injury. When I finally got out of the hospitals, I discovered that I had been divorced for a couple of years. I still would like to think that I would still be there for them as I know how it feels to be on the other side.
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 38
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Do you stick by someone you're dating who becomes seriously ill?
Posted: 6/23/2006 8:14:06 PM

On the flip side - if you were dating someone and YOU were diagnosed - a) would you tell them? or B) would you end the relationship rather than make them suffer through it with you?

I'd dump her for her own good. Life's too short to waste it on someone who's dying.
 SelfSufficient
Joined: 12/14/2005
Msg: 39
Do you stick by someone you're dating who becomes seriously ill?
Posted: 6/25/2006 1:07:39 PM
Right on YamIhere!

While I am sure there are sincere people here, when you go and read profiles of others they refer to people without a job as "scum' and "lowlifes" (yes read in profilles on this thread)

So I doubt that they would stick around someone who is sick and can not work no matter what they say here. Coupled with the lack of sex they would be running for the hills.

And as bad as that would hurt I think that it would be a blessing in disguise: to find out how shallow someone is before you get really commited
 hammerp
Joined: 6/20/2006
Msg: 40
Do you stick by someone you're dating who becomes seriously ill?
Posted: 6/25/2006 2:18:16 PM
A lot of the time the grieving husband falls for the nurse. Some people even become addicted to the drama and attention that accompanies a major illness. For me, it would be a great way to meet some young nurses.
 SB1974
Joined: 6/18/2006
Msg: 41
Do you stick by someone you're dating who becomes seriously ill?
Posted: 7/11/2006 8:06:17 PM
Hey tittiger, hi there,how are you.

Let me say this much, Even though I have a Disability ( Spina Bifida ) I Still have guts...... you see On American Independence Day ( July 4th) well there was this woman that I had been talking to for a couple of weeks, then finally I got up enough guts to ask her that " BIG QUESTION" you know the one that I mean, and she Gladly Accepted....... I haven't been Happier since that day
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