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Joined: 3/24/2006
Msg: 6
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Bad Mouthing the other parentPage 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I think some people (in bitter divorces) get so caught up in their own I'm-right-they're-wrong attitude, that it's easy to fool themselves into thinking that they're teaching they're children right-and-wrong. One more reason why divorce stinks.

My divorce is years behind me now, but I still have to watch my tongue. My son's mom will call sometimes to tell him stuff like she can't make it to a practice because she can't afford the gas for her new SUV. What a wonderfully irresponsible example to set for our son. It's grade A material for talking about debt and responsibility with my son, but I can't. What's more, it's a subject I have to avoid in general if I don't want it to look like I'm trying to poison his mind.
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 12
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Bad Mouthing the other parent
Posted: 3/27/2006 1:16:38 PM
I won't bad mouth my ex in front of the kids. They can find out what an ass he is all on their own in time.

We even managed to go out to dinner together with the kids last week and it was civil.

I know he trashes me in front of the kids, they tell me so. I really didn't expect much different from him though. After all he is the same person who threatened to 'blow my f'ing head off' when I told him I wanted a divorce.

I just don't want to talk about him at all, in any way, to the kids or other adults.
Joined: 9/13/2006
Msg: 22
Bad Mouthing the other parent
Posted: 1/15/2007 4:42:07 PM
As little respect as i have for my daughters father....and i mean little...i never say bad things about him...infact i make excuses for him not being around....i would never express my feelings for her father to her...i figure she will realize the truth when she gets older...its important to keep your children innocent as long as possible
Joined: 8/11/2006
Msg: 26
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Bad Mouthing the other parent
Posted: 1/16/2007 7:30:12 AM
I would hate to bad-mouth the ex infront of the kids, hell I can't even be totally honest with my kids as I know that total information would have them have far less respect for their mother. That isn't a situation to push any child into. For now I have to hope that they remain as bright as they have been growing up and will learn in their own way that things aren't what they seem at times.

But I can bad-mouth her here right?
Joined: 2/11/2006
Msg: 38
Bad Mouthing the other parent
Posted: 2/20/2007 8:19:18 PM
What's really bad is when your ex is on the Forums responding to your posts now...
Joined: 2/11/2006
Msg: 40
Bad Mouthing the other parent
Posted: 2/20/2007 8:24:57 PM
Hey Disneymom,wise counselor...just wondering how I should respond to my ex being on the Forums now responding to my posts? I know POF isnt very fond of this and definitely shuns away from members doing it,esp. members that are ONLY on the site to bash someone. As you will notice,"newonhere" doesn't have any profile subscription or pic...and only is responding to MY threads. It's just like a mosquitoe buzzing around my head,that's all. I think in the end,she will end up putting her foot in her mouth,watch carefully.
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 53
Bad Mouthing the other parent
Posted: 2/22/2007 6:07:18 AM
I would never bad mouth my ex-hubby in front of our 4 year old daughter. Even though I haven't always agreed with my ex I still know that he loves our daughter unconditionally just as I do. I feel that the child still needs both parents in their life. The way I look at it is if I was to bad mouth her father in front of her she is going to grow up resenting me because I spoke badly about her father and that is the last thing that I want. I feel that when my daughter grows up she will realize the type of person her father is on her own.
Joined: 2/1/2007
Msg: 54
Bad Mouthing the other parent
Posted: 2/23/2007 9:30:44 PM
Oh yeah. When my sons come over, I hear things lie "Mom says you don't play with a full deck' or "You're kind of a loser"...this out of the mouths of babes who are merely repeating what they've heard, knowing little or nothing about the content of the phrase. I got mad once, when they were young, I told them "daddy will be right back, you stay here and play" and I put my fist thru the drywall in the livingroom...covered it up with a picture frame and walked back to their room with a forced smile. That was the only time I lost it like that,,,but I just tell them now, when they "repeat" certain verbal diareah, that mom is just being "silly" and that no matter how silly she gets, she is a good mommy and dad is a good daddy. Not easy. I would love to trash her, but that makes their world insecure, and I refuse to do that to them.
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 58
Bad Mouthing the other parent
Posted: 2/24/2007 9:55:27 AM
I don't think that my ex directly bad mouths me. Instead she chooses to bring them to her sister and let her do it for her! My ex sister-in-law was so classy as to bad mouth me at my youngest sons birthday, and whenever she gets a chance. This is also the same woman that will chastize her husband like a little boy and call him fat and useless in front of everyone. My ex also likes to be subtle by knocking down what I do with them. She told my boys two weekends in a row that 'Austin Powers is evil' knowing full well that my boys 13 and 11 love to watch those movies for a good laugh. I'd agree that she's allowed to have her opinons on what is evil and what isn't, but she's the one that sat and laughed her ass of with them to Scary Movie and recently took them to Epic. Both of which had substantially more 'evil' in them than any Austin Powers movie. On a light note my youngest came up with the line 'well, I'm evil and I'm going to watch it' and actually used it the other day. Kids sense BS for what it is and find their own ways of dealing with it.
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 59
Bad Mouthing the other parent
Posted: 2/24/2007 4:46:02 PM
Whats the point?? Seems to me you are just raising your kids to be bitter,mean,and judgemental.

1)If you are the kind of person that is gone to bad mouth the person you loved enough to have a child by tells me alot about you.

2)If you think you can do it only certain times.I think you are truly mistaken. Your child is always gone to have an ear open. If you are on the phone, talking to neighbor,friends whatever.

3) You keep it up and I think you are gone to find the child defending the other parent sooner or later and it's gone to bite u in the butt. Remember the X is the X, but to the child it is BLOOD.

I dont bad mouth the X and I won't let anyone else even start that type of conversation.. Totally unhealthy. and again "Whats the point???
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 64
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Bad Mouthing the other parent
Posted: 7/12/2011 4:38:15 PM

When a couple splits up and there are children involved, one parent bad mouths the other parent to the kids. In the cases I have seen it is the mothers who are bitter about the split badmouthing the dad to the kids.

It's not always the mother bad mouthing the dad. I try to not put my kids father down to them but he does it every chance he gets. When we were still together and having an argument, I heard him tell our sons "mommy is wrong". During the divorce he didn't think twice about telling me I was crazy in front of our two boys. Last year he tried convincing them I had stolen their saving account money but they didn't believe him. He would yell at me in front of them to pay it back. I showed him the bank statements and he quit harassing me about putting it back but I recently was told by our older son he still tells them I took it. My older son told me yesterday that his dad often rants to him about how lazy I am. He said dad told him "I hope you marry a good woman not a lazy one like your mom" and he insists no matter how many times my kids tell him I pack their overnight bags that grandma does. My older son said his dad will stop in the middle of his complaining and say he shouldn't be discussing it with him but either he continues anyway or brings it up another time.

I wish he could see that by putting me down he just looks worse to our kids. Our boys are old enough to see through it and luckily it doesn't make them think poorly of me too.

My ex had told me if I left him he would fight dirty. We went through a year long custody battle and years later he is still bitter. He thinks he is hurting me but it's really the kids that are suffering.
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 67
Bad Mouthing the other parent
Posted: 7/12/2011 8:46:16 PM
It's immature behavior at best.

My kids are grown - in their late 20's. No matter what has come to pass between their dad and I , they will never know it. That's their dad.
They're old enough to make their own opinions and conclusions etc, and I'm
Blessed to have 2 kids who are very well rounded and do their own thing. They're not focused on anything to do
In regard to any communication I have with their dad. They're bright and they've figured out what's up
With their dad etc.
I would actually say that I've softened some of what we've shared in confidence in regard to their dad when they want to discuss something. Life's too short for anything but love.
Edify one another or at least stay positive for your own sake. If the ex is a negative person or had issues, one can still soften their words for the kids sake.
Joined: 2/21/2013
Msg: 69
Bad Mouthing the other parent
Posted: 4/9/2013 8:57:26 PM
been there done that, hurts the kids, not doing it ever again, I give all that frustration to God now
Joined: 2/12/2013
Msg: 70
Bad Mouthing the other parent
Posted: 4/9/2013 9:39:08 PM
The parents must never talk negatively about each other to the kids. Nor should their significant others. Doing this crap to a kid to manipulate them to take your side is disgusting. They should never be expected to take a side. When the other side does it, it isn't a free pass to start in on them. Be an adult, take the high road.
Joined: 6/28/2012
Msg: 71
Bad Mouthing the other parent
Posted: 4/9/2013 10:17:30 PM
Everybody has their moments in frustration, but it should be kept to an absolute minimum. When there are moments to appreciate and praise the other they should be taken advantage of as well.
Joined: 1/5/2013
Msg: 72
Bad Mouthing the other parent
Posted: 4/10/2013 10:19:32 AM
Don't bad mouth YOUR problems to the kids. The kids are not a part of the problem. On another note, don't make excuses for the other parent.
Joined: 10/12/2012
Msg: 73
Bad Mouthing the other parent
Posted: 4/11/2013 3:29:24 PM
Bad mouthing the other parent is childish and benefits noone, especially the children.

The worst though is when a parent allows their SO to bad mouth the other parent.
Joined: 4/5/2013
Msg: 74
Bad Mouthing the other parent
Posted: 4/12/2013 5:52:44 PM
I could not agree more with you SpringMataLeao. I am actually going through this right now. According to my kids, who are 11 and 14 so they pretty much know what is going on, my ex's latest girlfriend is calling me stuff like "paranoid" and telling them that I am "not to be trusted." This woman does not know me at all, she has met me twice for a total of about 10 minutes. I now have a family member pick up my children when they are coming to stay at my house, because I don't even want to be in the vicinity of this person based upon what they are doing to my kids.

It is a very sad situation, because when kids feel like crap about one of their parents, it kills their own self esteem. I really wish this person was out of my ex's life...or he would put a damned muzzle on her and tell her to stop talking crap. I can only imagine what she must be saying about the father of her own three boys....

*roll eyes*

Trust me, I have no desire to take back my ex husband and it doesn't bother me one iota that he has a new partner, I am moving on with my life too, but what gives that person the right to try to destroy my maternal bond with my children by telling them a pack of lies about me? It's sick, narcissistic and most definitely a form of child abuse.
Joined: 1/29/2013
Msg: 75
Bad Mouthing the other parent
Posted: 4/12/2013 8:52:25 PM
What would the point be? The only person you would hurt is the child. One the parents get divorced and no longer have to live together, they should be mature enough to get along with the other parent. You do not have to agree on everything, but you should be working things out civilly.
Joined: 2/17/2013
Msg: 76
Bad Mouthing the other parent
Posted: 4/13/2013 12:13:49 PM
My mother bad mouthed my father, behind his back, long before she got around to throwing him out and divorcing him. I didn't believe it then and I see it all for a lie now. Neither of my parents were parents of note, but my mother, she's the one that sticks in my mind as failing in her parenting obligations. My father never bad mouthed my mother in front of me and he wouldn't hear my complaints about my mother's behaviors. He said she was my mother and I was to respect her. Not even for my father ...
Joined: 2/12/2013
Msg: 77
Bad Mouthing the other parent
Posted: 4/13/2013 1:04:57 PM

calling me stuff like "paranoid"

True that it is horrid she is doing that and I would never allow someone like that in my life, you are only giving your kids evidence to back up her claim.

I now have a family member pick up my children... I can only imagine what she must be saying

Bad mouthing the other parent is only going to alienate the children from the one doing the bad mouthing. They have a bond, don't like to get hurt and will withdraw from an attack in this way. If it is ongoing then eventually the child will just tune out everything the bad mouther says.
Mind you this isn't just restricted to verbal put downs but also ones behaviour towards the other that the kids will pick up on just as well.
Joined: 4/21/2012
Msg: 79
Bad Mouthing the other parent
Posted: 4/16/2013 9:16:49 AM
Kids need both parents. Regardless of how bad the actions were as a spouse, that doesn't keep them from being a parent.

I found out my ex was having an affair with the husband of a couple that was our best friends. After 3 months of counseling, I found a hidden e-mail account. Not only had she not cut off ties to her boyfriend, the affair had been going on twice as long as she admitted in counseling. She had affairs of 3,6,9 and 10 year durations in a 9 year marriage. She also had 17 'boyfriends' and it turns out that the past 9 months she had turned to prostitution to help my 'friend' pay his utility bills. My 'friend' was actively arranging appointments and acting as her pimp. She will be marrying her pimp (ex-pimp, after being lied to for a year after the separation, I told her to make a choice, her kids or prostitution. I also gave her 6 months of living expenses, so she wouldn't have to keep doing the prostitution when we separated. That didn't work). She was able to find the time because she was a stay at home mom that sent the kids to daycare.

I have full custody of my two daughters. I have never said a bad word about her once to my children. They say 'Daddy, we have the best Mommy in the whole wide world!' and I reply 'You sure do, Pumpkin. She loves you a lot' .

Kids need both parents, regardless of their merits.
Joined: 3/19/2009
Msg: 80
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Bad Mouthing the other parent
Posted: 5/9/2013 7:46:51 PM

Kids need both parents, regardless of their merits

Disagree. There are all kinds of NO-Contact-Orders out there for parents who have lots of problems/issues

I would like to add that in quite a few cases it may not be the other parent but for example their parents or inlaws...etc.
Joined: 1/11/2013
Msg: 81
Bad Mouthing the other parent
Posted: 5/11/2013 4:29:17 AM
It happens an awful lot with women especially. Just about all of them describe their ex as: deadbeats/losers/drunks/etc/etc. Yet fail to realize THEY fell for these men and some continued pro creating with these same folks. The minute a woman starts going off on an ex and how bad he was/is, dates over.
Joined: 4/17/2013
Msg: 82
Bad Mouthing the other parent
Posted: 5/11/2013 6:10:22 AM
My ex would bad mouth me to whomever would listen. Including the kids, trying to make me out to be a horrible mother. I kept my mouth shut about him and my opinion of him, especially around my children. My half-sister could never understand why I never told the kids what kind of a person he was. I grew up with a parent that constantly bad mouthed the other and I hated it. I refused to put my kids through that. As hard as it was, I felt it was best for my children to find out on their own what their father was really like. Eventually, my ex stopped being a part of the kids lives (by his choice) and now several years later does not have a relationship with any of them. I do consider him a deadbeat. But, at the same time a part of me feels pity for him. He's missing out in getting to know some really amazing kids.
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