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 Kellticman72
Joined: 1/5/2013
Msg: 72
Bad Mouthing the other parentPage 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Don't bad mouth YOUR problems to the kids. The kids are not a part of the problem. On another note, don't make excuses for the other parent.
 SpringMataLeao
Joined: 10/12/2012
Msg: 73
Bad Mouthing the other parent
Posted: 4/11/2013 3:29:24 PM
Bad mouthing the other parent is childish and benefits noone, especially the children.

The worst though is when a parent allows their SO to bad mouth the other parent.
 Letsgettogetheryehyehyeh
Joined: 4/5/2013
Msg: 74
Bad Mouthing the other parent
Posted: 4/12/2013 5:52:44 PM
I could not agree more with you SpringMataLeao. I am actually going through this right now. According to my kids, who are 11 and 14 so they pretty much know what is going on, my ex's latest girlfriend is calling me stuff like "paranoid" and telling them that I am "not to be trusted." This woman does not know me at all, she has met me twice for a total of about 10 minutes. I now have a family member pick up my children when they are coming to stay at my house, because I don't even want to be in the vicinity of this person based upon what they are doing to my kids.

It is a very sad situation, because when kids feel like crap about one of their parents, it kills their own self esteem. I really wish this person was out of my ex's life...or he would put a damned muzzle on her and tell her to stop talking crap. I can only imagine what she must be saying about the father of her own three boys....

*roll eyes*

Trust me, I have no desire to take back my ex husband and it doesn't bother me one iota that he has a new partner, I am moving on with my life too, but what gives that person the right to try to destroy my maternal bond with my children by telling them a pack of lies about me? It's sick, narcissistic and most definitely a form of child abuse.
 buterfly41978
Joined: 1/29/2013
Msg: 75
Bad Mouthing the other parent
Posted: 4/12/2013 8:52:25 PM
What would the point be? The only person you would hurt is the child. One the parents get divorced and no longer have to live together, they should be mature enough to get along with the other parent. You do not have to agree on everything, but you should be working things out civilly.
 jeni366
Joined: 2/17/2013
Msg: 76
Bad Mouthing the other parent
Posted: 4/13/2013 12:13:49 PM
My mother bad mouthed my father, behind his back, long before she got around to throwing him out and divorcing him. I didn't believe it then and I see it all for a lie now. Neither of my parents were parents of note, but my mother, she's the one that sticks in my mind as failing in her parenting obligations. My father never bad mouthed my mother in front of me and he wouldn't hear my complaints about my mother's behaviors. He said she was my mother and I was to respect her. Not even for my father ...
 Paul9473
Joined: 2/12/2013
Msg: 77
Bad Mouthing the other parent
Posted: 4/13/2013 1:04:57 PM

calling me stuff like "paranoid"

True that it is horrid she is doing that and I would never allow someone like that in my life, you are only giving your kids evidence to back up her claim.

I now have a family member pick up my children... I can only imagine what she must be saying

Bad mouthing the other parent is only going to alienate the children from the one doing the bad mouthing. They have a bond, don't like to get hurt and will withdraw from an attack in this way. If it is ongoing then eventually the child will just tune out everything the bad mouther says.
Mind you this isn't just restricted to verbal put downs but also ones behaviour towards the other that the kids will pick up on just as well.
 Single_Dad_Dave
Joined: 4/21/2012
Msg: 79
Bad Mouthing the other parent
Posted: 4/16/2013 9:16:49 AM
Kids need both parents. Regardless of how bad the actions were as a spouse, that doesn't keep them from being a parent.

I found out my ex was having an affair with the husband of a couple that was our best friends. After 3 months of counseling, I found a hidden e-mail account. Not only had she not cut off ties to her boyfriend, the affair had been going on twice as long as she admitted in counseling. She had affairs of 3,6,9 and 10 year durations in a 9 year marriage. She also had 17 'boyfriends' and it turns out that the past 9 months she had turned to prostitution to help my 'friend' pay his utility bills. My 'friend' was actively arranging appointments and acting as her pimp. She will be marrying her pimp (ex-pimp, after being lied to for a year after the separation, I told her to make a choice, her kids or prostitution. I also gave her 6 months of living expenses, so she wouldn't have to keep doing the prostitution when we separated. That didn't work). She was able to find the time because she was a stay at home mom that sent the kids to daycare.

I have full custody of my two daughters. I have never said a bad word about her once to my children. They say 'Daddy, we have the best Mommy in the whole wide world!' and I reply 'You sure do, Pumpkin. She loves you a lot' .

Kids need both parents, regardless of their merits.
 Devilsfan58
Joined: 3/19/2009
Msg: 80
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History
Bad Mouthing the other parent
Posted: 5/9/2013 7:46:51 PM

Kids need both parents, regardless of their merits


Disagree. There are all kinds of NO-Contact-Orders out there for parents who have lots of problems/issues

I would like to add that in quite a few cases it may not be the other parent but for example their parents or inlaws...etc.
 barnabyjames1
Joined: 1/11/2013
Msg: 81
Bad Mouthing the other parent
Posted: 5/11/2013 4:29:17 AM
It happens an awful lot with women especially. Just about all of them describe their ex as: deadbeats/losers/drunks/etc/etc. Yet fail to realize THEY fell for these men and some continued pro creating with these same folks. The minute a woman starts going off on an ex and how bad he was/is, dates over.
 jengerflower
Joined: 4/17/2013
Msg: 82
Bad Mouthing the other parent
Posted: 5/11/2013 6:10:22 AM
My ex would bad mouth me to whomever would listen. Including the kids, trying to make me out to be a horrible mother. I kept my mouth shut about him and my opinion of him, especially around my children. My half-sister could never understand why I never told the kids what kind of a person he was. I grew up with a parent that constantly bad mouthed the other and I hated it. I refused to put my kids through that. As hard as it was, I felt it was best for my children to find out on their own what their father was really like. Eventually, my ex stopped being a part of the kids lives (by his choice) and now several years later does not have a relationship with any of them. I do consider him a deadbeat. But, at the same time a part of me feels pity for him. He's missing out in getting to know some really amazing kids.
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