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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Give and take... or 50/50      Home login  
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 tahoma518
Joined: 3/12/2005
Msg: 1
Give and take... or 50/50Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
Just want to get everyone's take on the give and take in a relationship. How long should you be the one who is putting most of the effort into a relationship? Some history:

I've been seeing this guy from another site for 3 months now and things have been going okay. The problem is he only has a chopper for transportation and has not once made the effort to come out to see me. We live about an hour away and if I want to see him, I am the one to make the effort. It is getting tiresome for me as I am feeling he just isn't "that into me". Sure I live in WA state, rain and wind and such, but we have been having some nice weather and I see guys on bikes all the time. I'm supposed to go out there tonight but in our phone conversation he mentioned that he might not have "that much energy" if you know what I mean. Really... am I wasting my time? I "want some" if I'm going to make that effort to see him (it's been almost 2 weeks...a rghh). Do you all think that is unreasonable?

okay... let the comments commence........
 tahoma518
Joined: 3/12/2005
Msg: 2
Give and take... or 50/50
Posted: 3/29/2006 2:41:10 PM
Yeah... that's what I'm thinking too... there have been signs but it's been nice to at least have someone to cuddle up to. He says he wants to take things slow and for me to look at the long term... but hey! a girls has needs you know?
Any sexy native men out there wanna take care of that? (tee hee)
 tahoma518
Joined: 3/12/2005
Msg: 3
Give and take... or 50/50
Posted: 3/29/2006 4:04:48 PM
Yeah... I agree with you there but I wouldn't want to have to "push" a guy for sex. We have already been having sex, and he does have some function issues that I have overlooked, but hey... 3 months and he hasn't come to see me once? We are both over 40 and it just seems that the effort should be more than one sided at this point in life.
 tahoma518
Joined: 3/12/2005
Msg: 4
Give and take... or 50/50
Posted: 3/29/2006 4:21:38 PM
Thanks Jar... that's my sentiment exactly!
 naiveteisbliss
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 5
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History
Give and take... or 50/50
Posted: 3/29/2006 7:16:30 PM
[He's not that into you.

Sorry, but no guy is too tired for booty...especially after two weeks - unless he's getting some elsewhere.

Move on and make sure the next guy passes the test of "working for it" - those who won't, don't think that much of you!/]

So true, I'd go find someone who wants you! and is willing to put forth the effort to show you how much they enjoy you, at least every other time.
I'd have no problem driving to a guy to spend the night with him, but 3 months is ways too long. He should have put out some effort by now to stay with you. The fact that he only has a motorcycle is no excuse either, what he doesn't know anyone with a car?

There are plenty of men out there who love to cuddle & will travel to YOU for it. Especially the ones who believe your worth it, which he obviously don't think.

AND YOU DO DESERVE IT!!!!!!!
 naiveteisbliss
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 6
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Give and take... or 50/50
Posted: 3/29/2006 7:17:19 PM
no
 naiveteisbliss
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 7
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Give and take... or 50/50
Posted: 3/29/2006 7:18:30 PM
oops, sorry about the double post

I'm a dork
 tahoma518
Joined: 3/12/2005
Msg: 8
Give and take... or 50/50
Posted: 3/31/2006 11:11:03 AM
Thanks bliss... you are oh so right and I will be reevaluating this relationship. Spent last night out there and it just reinforced my feelings that I am putting most of the effort into this relationship and not getting much in return.
 refusnik
Joined: 10/24/2004
Msg: 9
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Give and take... or 50/50
Posted: 3/31/2006 4:37:59 PM

Sorry, but no guy is too tired for booty...especially after two weeks - unless he's getting some elsewhere.


Sadly, that's not the truth. I've been too tired for booty, even after months of not getting any. I've been so tired that I've "de-tumesced" after ten or 15 minutes of "booty." I've fallen asleep while someone was getting ready for bed, etc. After all, I am human, a full-time single parent, a full time worker, etc. . .
 bucsgirl
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 10
Give and take... or 50/50
Posted: 4/1/2006 7:21:17 AM
Before you give up and walk away, have you asked him about this? Does he know how you feel? He can't read your mind, you've made it convenient for him to just wait for you to come and be with him. If there's still some feelings or attraction, I'd just be straight and tell him exactly what you said, that you don't feel he's making any effort.
 tahoma518
Joined: 3/12/2005
Msg: 11
Give and take... or 50/50
Posted: 4/3/2006 11:20:35 AM

Let's see I'm 30 hrs from you, I'll have to stop for a gal of milk another 3 hrs, lunch and dinners another 3 hrs....,yep, be there about a day and half!! ......




Thanks for that Hart... yeah I see lots of guys out on their bikes, I live in the North Cascades, perfect riding scenery
 tahoma518
Joined: 3/12/2005
Msg: 12
Give and take... or 50/50
Posted: 4/3/2006 11:24:31 AM
I have had this conversation with him and it's always one excuse or the other... " I have to change the oil on the bike"..etc... There are some feelings of attraction, but they are fading fast
 tahoma518
Joined: 3/12/2005
Msg: 13
Give and take... or 50/50
Posted: 4/3/2006 2:01:28 PM
that's good advice and I am going to take that route
although we do have plans for this weekend with my daughter and her boyfriend and I know I will be doing the driving... but it should be a fun time so I'm okay with that
 tahoma518
Joined: 3/12/2005
Msg: 14
Give and take... or 50/50
Posted: 4/7/2006 5:20:44 PM
OK... here's the update... talking to him about this event (he is a member of this organization) and told him that I was pretty broke and could he pay for gas... I'm not getting a response other than him asking if I can pay for my own admission. I have no problem taking on the driving, but hey... he can help out don't ya think?
What are the opinions on this one.
 tahoma518
Joined: 3/12/2005
Msg: 16
Give and take... or 50/50
Posted: 4/10/2006 1:08:17 PM
Thanks again for all the positive feedback. Yeah, I've had guys take a train to come see me as well. This guy just isn't into me and I do have booty call closer that I can call on, if that's what I really wanted. But just might have to go for it now!!!!
Thanks everyone!
 jo2857
Joined: 3/29/2006
Msg: 17
Give and take... or 50/50
Posted: 4/11/2006 7:03:44 PM
maybe he has other problems that he is trying to hide from you. I was seeing this guy and he was a alcoholic and he was always telling some lie about where he had been, in all reality he stayed drunk for weeks in some sleazy motel room. It took me awhile to find out what was really going on. I thought of all kinds of things,.....but all it turned out to be was booze.
 tahoma518
Joined: 3/12/2005
Msg: 18
Give and take... or 50/50
Posted: 4/12/2006 1:15:27 PM
I agree 64... goodbye it is... I haven't seen him in 2 weeks. I didn't go to the event because I just couldn't justify driving 5 hours back & forth just to have him go off and take some silly class. We haven't really been talking much anymore either. I would just be better off as the quote goes "I'd rather be lonely & alone than lonely with you!"
 NatGoat
Joined: 10/15/2005
Msg: 19
Give and take... or 50/50
Posted: 4/15/2006 8:31:01 AM
<<<...Wasn't 'Thrown back.......' . . The Line BROKE...!!!
Widowed in '98....have been 'Looking' for a couple years, now...but I need an opportunity to establish a 100 / 100 relationship...Mostly as a result of 'Location'..Distance has become a stumbling block for me...
I'll give MORE than my share...make most ANY changes in my lifestyle/habits.. to find a Lady that will accept me for ME..and share an Open, Trusting, Affectionate Relationship...!!!
50% / 50% is a good balance...but I prefer referring to a Good relationship as 100 / 100...!!!
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