Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > How do I handle the question..where is my daddy? or why don't I have      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 dare2loveagain
Joined: 3/23/2006
Msg: 17
How do I handle the question..where is my daddy? or why don't I have a daddy too?Page 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Oh ya one more thing...I did get fixed at the age of 22 after my 4th...and u should really know that men like u shouldnt be allowed to breed either bc they have no humanity and all they know how to do is insult everyone every chance they get...yes I have seen many of ur comments all over the forums. I believe it is you who will never be able to offer up good advice on anything bc it takes genuine experience in the situation to offer up good advice.
 dare2loveagain
Joined: 3/23/2006
Msg: 18
How do I handle the question..where is my daddy? or why don't I have a daddy too?
Posted: 4/1/2006 11:31:13 AM
Rah...btw

Yes I am reading the replies...and I know which ones are directed at me...did u read ur replies? what are we supposed to feel bad for you now after you have dissed us all? I feel for your daugheter bc the kind of man with this kind of replies most certainly couldn't potray the right image for his daugheter about relationships in my personal opinion...and also wanted to add on another post you made...that its funny that u would think that I wouldnt ever find the kind of man I am asking for...but, I have had 2 pages of emails in just a weks time...so I am pretty sure you are just soured out by your past and just don't know how to express yourself in a humane way...so I will forgive that...tis sad
 southernmama
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 19
How do I handle the question..where is my daddy? or why don't I have a daddy too?
Posted: 4/1/2006 1:29:14 PM
ok Look I started this thread hoping for a little advice from single parents who had gone through what I am now going through. I did not intend for this to cause an argument of any kind. I appreciate everyone who gave genuine advice for those of you that just used this thread to bash single parents whatever the circumstances well you could have kept your opinions to yourself. And just to set the record straight I have NEVER nor will I EVER bad mouth my exhusband in front of our son. My son can form his own opinions of his father as he gets older I will never try to influence that. I was merely trying to find out the best way to explain to a four yr old that yes he has a daddy but that I have no idea where he is or how to contact him. So thanks to those of you that tried to help and thanks for nothing to those of you that critisied me and the other single parents on here.
 southernmama
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 20
How do I handle the question..where is my daddy? or why don't I have a daddy too?
Posted: 4/3/2006 12:42:15 PM
Thank you for all of your advice and Rah if I misinterrupted your posts then I apologize but I do feel you have been too harsh with the single moms on this thread. I respect the fact that you are being a good dad to your daughter but I think you need to show some more respect to the single mom's that may have made some mistakes in the past but that are taking responsibility for those mistakes by being good mothers to their children and raising them the best way they know how. Stop judgeing all women as if they are the same as your ex...
 dare2loveagain
Joined: 3/23/2006
Msg: 21
How do I handle the question..where is my daddy? or why don't I have a daddy too?
Posted: 4/3/2006 1:36:42 PM
Thank you...and I apologize that I had to reply to stick up for myself its sad that genuine advice couldnt be obtained from his perspective...and that he hasnt admitted any faults as if he is perfect...as Im sure we all know we all have made mistake and at times poor choices but, like I said I did my best at my age to tell my kids what I thought was sufficient enough for them and eventually they do figure it out on their own...its sad bc rah's sole purpose on this thread seems to be for basing single mothers...yet can not say why he is a single father...I dont know but, if he made the perfect choices it would seem to me that he wouldnt be a single dad either so he is in the same boat as all of us...sad he feels he needs to call me an idiot too.. just bc someone has a mental disability as the result of trauma doesnt make them an idiot and even normal people make poor choices whether with whom they choose or with how they go about telling their child what they think at the time is best...remeber not any one of us is given a manual on parenting or relationships so, to continue to blame women on here only shows the level of imaturity there...and Rah...my kids are also very intelligent...and I am mom and dad to them too.also basing someone about spelling could simply be a typo. I know I make then all the time...and I am woman enough to admit that.

Hope you found some of the advice on this thread helpful...remember too that kids are way more resilient than we give them credit for so...even if u dont have an answer for him right now he will figure it out...I think the suggestion from one of the ladies about telling them you are being mommy and daddy right now would be sufficient enough at his age...Take care and good luck.
 dare2loveagain
Joined: 3/23/2006
Msg: 22
How do I handle the question..where is my daddy? or why don't I have a daddy too?
Posted: 4/3/2006 1:43:44 PM
Just a reminder of an old saying

Anyone can be a father but, it takes someone special to be a daddy

Anyone can be a mother but it takes someone special to be a mommy

Anyone can be titled a parent but, it takes someone special to be both mommy and daddy.
 Seeing_Stars
Joined: 3/11/2006
Msg: 25
view profile
History
How do I handle the question..where is my daddy? or why don't I have a daddy too?
Posted: 4/10/2006 1:40:55 AM
The absolute worst thing you could do is to lie to him or spare him the truth because you think he won't be able to handle it. Sometimes, this gives children a false sense of hope when there really is none. My son's father left when I was 2 months pregnant. He has not seen him since he was 2 weeks old and he pays no child support. I tell him that his father is a selfish man who cares about no one but himself. He is not a father but rather, just a sperm donor. I don't agree with parents who tell their children their dads just went away because it gives them a false sense that maybe they will come back for them when they really won't.
 Seeing_Stars
Joined: 3/11/2006
Msg: 26
view profile
History
How do I handle the question..where is my daddy? or why don't I have a daddy too?
Posted: 4/10/2006 2:14:19 AM
"Of course when your son gets older, you should tell him the truth. Don't hide anything, my mother didn't bad mouth my father and I really wish she would have...would have saved me a lot of heart ache down the road."

Jenni, I really respect your post. A lot of people here think we should not tell our kids the complete truth for fear that they will not understand and I think that's really not giving kids any credit. They are far more intelligent than we think. My son's father is an ass for walking out on his son and not caring enough to see him, pay child support, or be there for him in any way, shape, or form. Meanwhile, he brags to all his friends and family that he has a son. I've been telling my son that his father is a selfish man and is not really a father but just a simple sperm donor. This way, my son is not disappointed when his "daddy" never comes around.
 lyne76
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 28
view profile
History
How do I handle the question..where is my daddy? or why don't I have a daddy too?
Posted: 4/11/2006 5:52:05 PM
Wow a really simple question at the start really turned into a bit of free for all! But I guess we are all intitled to our opinions.... My son is 9 and his father has never met him. He does pay monthly for that. I would rather my son have his father in his life, but I have a lot of friends with children who's father disappear after the kids know them... and it is devestating and there is no way to explain that away. My son's father is a police officer, with a girlfriend of 15 yrs... yes i can do the math there, unfortun.. I didn't know about her... they had a baby this past sept, and he still does not want to meet him... I am bitter in my son's defense but I can't change his mind and believe meI have tired. So to answer the question... when my son asked I told him that every family was different (our next door neighbours our a daughter and father with no mom) and that he was even luckier than other families becasue I love him 2 times as much and he has a fabulous family , wth Grandpa and Grandma, who spend sooo much time with him and that he is very very lucky, to have a family that loves him so much....

I may not be a great dad, but I'm a kick ass mom.....lol

I believe it is a lot easier to explain away something you have never had than to explain away something that you have
 LOTSALUV4U
Joined: 1/28/2005
Msg: 29
How do I handle the question..where is my daddy? or why don't I have a daddy too?
Posted: 4/12/2006 11:23:50 PM
WOW. I work full time with four year youngens ata daycare and I am a single mother of a much younger lil gurrl!!! However, I have been pondering the answer to the dreadful DAmn question since he messed EVERYTHANG up when we were six months pregnant!! I get that questin from my kids at work as well. My daughter is going to be two in August....writing this is bringin tears to my eyes....and i have finally decided that when the question arises my answer will simply be.."WE ARE BETTER OFF." You will always have a father but daddy made some decisions in his life that didn't make our lifes easier . you will understand a lil more when you get older.

I don't think that there are many ways to put it for a four year old to understand..THe most important thing for you to remember is that there was love there somewhere in the past and to try to not talk down about his father. You have to do whatever it takes to make him know that he is loved and that YOU are not going NE where. I know that with some of my kids in class that are being brought up by just their mother that they fear that since daddy is gone that mommy will leave to . As long as therre is LOVE there is family we don't NEED MEN!!!!

I'm sure you're dating anyway and somewhere out there there is MEN for all us single women who will not only love us someday but FALL in love with our kids as well as their very own!!!! Good luck though...
and if theres nothing that you get from this post ...when you're lil man gets older all i can say is Honesty is the best policy!!!
Lotsaluv4u!!
 LOTSALUV4U
Joined: 1/28/2005
Msg: 30
How do I handle the question..where is my daddy? or why don't I have a daddy too?
Posted: 4/12/2006 11:26:05 PM
everything you stated is sooo tru and GOOD FOR YOU!!! I have pictuers of him as well but not with my daughter. I hope that i can be as strong but i told myself that the one thing i will not do either wuld be to talk down about him to her!!! I'm glad you wrote that
 sweets1980
Joined: 9/25/2005
Msg: 31
view profile
History
How do I handle the question..where is my daddy? or why don't I have a daddy too?
Posted: 4/14/2006 11:45:31 PM
Its a tough question for a parent to answer. I am a grown woman now but I never had my father in my life and always wanted him. The best I can say is dont say anything negative about your sons father. All my life my mother said negative things about my father and I resent her for it today. We have a very rocky relationship because of it. Does your son no his grandparents from his fathers side? I knew my fathers family and I loved the fact that they considered me part of the family despite my fathers wishes. Just tell him something so that he can understand..
 paul-34
Joined: 2/7/2006
Msg: 32
view profile
History
How do I handle the question..where is my daddy? or why don't I have a daddy too?
Posted: 4/15/2006 4:47:43 AM
I think what my ex could tell my son is....

"Well even though your daddy loves you very much and was there for you since day one, not to mention looked after you morning, afternoon and night for 3 and a half years while mommy was busy working and going out with friends I decided to run off across the province and keep you from your daddy cause I'm a mean and spiteful person".

But of course....she wouldn't actually tell the truth and probably make up some BS that I abandoned him and didn't care about him even though nothing could be further from the truth!!
 paul-34
Joined: 2/7/2006
Msg: 33
view profile
History
How do I handle the question..where is my daddy? or why don't I have a daddy too?
Posted: 4/16/2006 3:07:34 PM
trust me....this is not something I 'allowed' to happen. We didn't have a 'legal' custody agreement but did agree to split the time with our son (though technically he was with me more.). Then one day she up and left like 900km away and won't let me see him or talk to him.

But trust me, I am not just sitting by doing nothing. I do have a lawyer and am awaiting a court date though it seems to be taking for ever. The date keeps getting moved but I am hoping this is resolved soon.

And if you really must know why she worked and I took care of the child, well its a long story but to make it as brief as I can I will say.... First, she really couldn't handle looking after him but she also refused to leave him with a daycare or sitter....I mean she wouldn't even let him be left with relatives. So when she got a good job it was agreed that I would take care of him. But it seems that as soon as he was old enough to start school she didn't need me around to look after him anymore so decided to just try and cut me out of his life.
 lyne76
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 34
view profile
History
How do I handle the question..where is my daddy? or why don't I have a daddy too?
Posted: 4/17/2006 3:10:55 PM
I agre that you shouldn't lie to your children, but I don't believe for a second that you nbeed to tell them the truth either. Jenni I think it is extremly harsh to tell a child, "I made a bad choice and ended up pregnant", or to tell them there father was violent, unless he is in jail for such ....Children are perceptive creatures and need to know what is going on around them, but too much information is worse than none at all. They need reassurance that they are loved and wanted, not to be informed why their father or mother, doesn't want them....

just my opinion

 lyne76
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 35
view profile
History
How do I handle the question..where is my daddy? or why don't I have a daddy too?
Posted: 4/17/2006 4:46:39 PM
Obviously I was not clear in my post, but then I'm not the only one who can occasionally be misinterpreted. Jenni, I'm sorry if I misunderstood what you were saying, but it was worded in such a way that I took a different meaning than you meant.

But I stand by the statement that you can tell a child the truth without telling them the truth, there are things a chhild needs to know, but not necessarily the whole truth. My whole post was not directed at you "Jenni" Except for one line, the rest was in general, you have your opinion, and I am intitled to mine..... glad my opinion was good for a laugh...
 sunnybeaches
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 38
view profile
History
How do I handle the question..where is my daddy? or why don't I have a daddy too?
Posted: 5/18/2006 6:01:23 PM
My daughter had the same issue when she was smaller. I told her that God had a different plan for her and I. We were a unique family. I went to the library and the children's librarian had lots of books for mommies like me. I could have chose from 15 different books and I live in a small town.

When I read to the book to my daughter she got understood the situation.
 hottootsie
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 40
view profile
History
How do I handle the question..where is my daddy? or why don't I have a daddy too?
Posted: 2/11/2007 5:05:38 PM
That is what I tell my 5 yo son too, AliSmith. It is working for now but I know I am going to have to have an answer that gives more info in the future.
 betterlate
Joined: 12/22/2006
Msg: 41
view profile
History
How do I handle the question..where is my daddy? or why don't I have a daddy too?
Posted: 2/17/2007 3:04:17 AM
My sister had a son and asked the father to sign a release of all parental rights, he did. He never has to pay child support and she is the Mom and only parent. She will allow him to come over and say hi, and explains that he helped Mom make him but he really isnt the dad because the mom decided that she really wanted a child.

If I were you, I would tell him that you wanted a child very much and that lots of women have children on their own, you are one of those women. Tell him that there are lots of kinds of fathers and go through each description. biological dad, no contact/relationship, the live in dad that is involved, married to mom and plays with the child and is very active in the life. Then there are the types that jump from woman to woman and are not grown up enough to father a child, after describing all of the kinds, let your son decide what the right description is.

Telling him that you wanted him so much that you couldnt wait. That he is a very special and wonderful boy and that you made the decision to have him on your own. Ask him if he thinks you are doing a good job as a Mommy, then ask him what he thinks a dad does? Then if you have a male friend, brother, uncle or Dad, see if you can get one of these trusted men to do some of those things with or for him.

See if you can find another single mom in your area and strike up a friendship so he can feel more normal. I hate it that he is sad, my nephew is a wonderful little boy with a heart of gold and is truly loved. He has started playing with a boy his age whose dad was killed in Katrina and both boys are really doing much better. The little boy that lost his dad was mean angry and wouldnt let other children play or even touch a toy if it was one his dad had given him. I went and got my nephew all of the same toys so they could play together and all of the sudden, he is starting to share, is coming out of his shell and now are happy that they have a friend.

Dont forget to include all of the positives and negative descriptions of dads....

honesty is the best way to go and love and affection should help alot.
Good luck
Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > How do I handle the question..where is my daddy? or why don't I have a daddy too?