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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > A new lack of ambition reason enough to break up?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Spazoid
Joined: 3/25/2006
Msg: 20
A new lack of ambition reason enough to break up?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)

You can strive your entire life and not get anywhere


Excellent point! Sometimes it seems like success can be attributed to luck as much as hard work.
 boinkboinkboink
Joined: 3/20/2009
Msg: 21
A new lack of ambition reason enough to break up?
Posted: 8/17/2009 8:51:16 PM
Sweetluve, it took you 5 years to understand your man? Wow, you really aren't paying attention are you.

Do what you want. Do what you love. If it isn't good enough for the woman in your life, she isn't good enough for you. Theses are weak, greedy women who are more interested in material things than they are in the happiness of the man they are supposed to love. Be yourself. Dump anybody out of your life who doesn't let you be yourself.

"I think if you have no ambition, you have no life fire."

Who are you to define for another person what is ambitious? Passion in life is a product of doing what you love doing. 'fire' comes from that passion.
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 22
A new lack of ambition reason enough to break up?
Posted: 8/18/2009 5:14:40 AM
Sorry, but I have a different perspective on this issue. This guy was going to school and working a job, doesn't matter that it was a crappy job, he was doing his best. He hit a rough spot, couldn't afford school for a bit, but he's working and doing what he can to get back into school. He is probably really down right now, and feels horrible that he can't continue with an education that is obviously important to him. So he is probably saying self-deprecating things, and needs a lot of support right now.

And what do you do? You bail on him. Sorry, but you suck. His situation is temporary. He will eventually be able to get grants and loans and go back to school. You, however, will rightfully be left in the dust for whatever woman sees his potential and loving nature and helps him pick himself up and dust himself off.

I think it's best you left him. He deserves better. He deserves someone who will be there for him through the rough times, as well as the good.

You screwed up, girly, and you're going to regret this for the rest of your life. I hope you learn a lesson from this.

Beth
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 23
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A new lack of ambition reason enough to break up?
Posted: 8/18/2009 7:50:53 AM
Maybe the very nature of your relationship is why he got lazy and pacified. He didn't really have to work to have sex with you, and sex is all he needs out of life. Don't be so easy. Make him work a little harder for sex.
 Challenge
Joined: 5/28/2009
Msg: 24
A new lack of ambition reason enough to break up?
Posted: 8/18/2009 8:41:46 AM
There may be a host of reasons.....however from your perspective it is a "lack of ambition".....perhaps he lacks the necessary discipline to focus on what direction he wishes to take........

A good analogy would be that a lot of people would like to lose weight, but they just lack the discipline to do so.......

OP.. ..should someone be dumped if they can't lose the weight and become healthier.
 sammylg
Joined: 12/20/2006
Msg: 25
A new lack of ambition reason enough to break up?
Posted: 8/18/2009 8:58:54 AM
Your family doesn't have to live with him 24/7. They don't have to grow old with him and discover he has no savings from his dead end job. They don't understand that you find ambition as attractive trait.

Your family isn't dating him, you are. So all that matters is your opinion.
 Commonsens
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 26
A new lack of ambition reason enough to break up?
Posted: 8/18/2009 9:35:13 AM
He had an honest job and was paying his bills, was a good man and even get along great with your family.

So Money or "social status" was more important to you than absolutely anything else.

Lucky for HIM it's over!
 big pacific
Joined: 7/2/2009
Msg: 27
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A new lack of ambition reason enough to break up?
Posted: 8/18/2009 9:45:12 AM
WTF, i know you weren't married but who else will you bail on when they don't make enough for you at that moment? When they don't live up to your vision of their "potential"

Remember the wedding vows INCLUDE "for richer or poorer" for a REASON. You don't just bail cause now he can't buy you shiny things, or isn't exactly where you have a vision for him to be at the moment.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 28
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A new lack of ambition reason enough to break up?
Posted: 8/18/2009 9:47:00 AM
I suspect as this thread is three years old that the OP made the right decision, if she hadn't, they would have gotten back together at some point.

It is easy to make this about money, I don't think that it was and it is questionable whether someone has the right or ability to require that someone else not be an ass sitter.

When I was in my early twenties, I was married for two years. He was smart, had some college under his belt, but had wound up in jobs like delivering furniture, beer, soft drinks. The jobs often paid fairly well and when I encouraged him to try something different it wasn't really based on wanting him to do better for himself, I just saw that there were jobs he could do that he thought he couldn't even apply for. He did wind up putting in some applications and wound up in collections, in management within a relatively short period of time.

Now, I didn't care about what he did or what he made beyond it being nice to actually know there was a steady paycheck coming in but I think he was much happier when he changed fields and simultaneously removed the problems related with physical labor when one is older and can't do it anymore.

There are people that are ass sitters. When the OP met the guy, he had some goals for himself. Yes, people hit rough spots but it seemed like the problem in the OP and repost on the first page was that he didn't seem to want to try. She said a better and closer job, ergo the job that worked with school did so because it was flexible with his hours and he probably could have gotten a better paying job to put more money away for school. She also said closer so a different job would have cost less in gas to get to.

I know a lot of people, that if they are working their ass off going to school so that they can have a future doing something they enjoy that will adequately support them, why should they want to stay with someone that does not have similar goals? You can live in a nice house and because you are lazy, let it go to crap, you can live in a crappy house and because you will put some elbow grease into it, your home is lovely. Where would you want to live? With the person who is always going to stay at the same level or the one that wants to walk next to you so that you can foster in each other getting the most out of your life. If the man's life work was janitorial service, that would be okay but it didn't sound like that was the case.
 bottleguy
Joined: 3/22/2011
Msg: 29
A new lack of ambition reason enough to break up?
Posted: 12/19/2011 11:22:20 AM
Some people, like me, see ambition confidence and vanity as very bad qualities. Why jeopardize a job that you are okay with to after a job you might hate? And oh, yeah, I am also a depressive, so I take the easiest job I can find not the best one. Ambitious, confident and vain people get on my nerves. If I see on a profile "very ambitious" I run away. quickly.
 spirit1964
Joined: 9/22/2011
Msg: 30
A new lack of ambition reason enough to break up?
Posted: 12/19/2011 2:03:42 PM
Its not up to you to make him the person he has the potential to be!
 getanet
Joined: 6/10/2011
Msg: 31
A new lack of ambition reason enough to break up?
Posted: 12/19/2011 2:22:03 PM
I have to say, reality and perceptions thereof in the online dating realm sure are different things. You read the news, and things like "one in two now low income or in poverty" are in the headlines. You log on to the POF, and lo and behold, some guy WITH a job who was TRYING to go to school is getting ragged on for not trying hard enough.

We don't know the day to day of this guy, and if video games and other manners of laziness are involved above and beyond. But from the info provided, sounds like he was at least trying. It still takes effort to get up and go to work every day.

At 20 years of age, you are essentially playing "house" with a set of ideals which have not been shaped by extensive doses of reality. Not enough info given, but I can see where people are not receiving this very well OP. Especially if the family was on board. Are they all completely clueless and not living up to their potential as well? Something isn't adding up.
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 32
A new lack of ambition reason enough to break up?
Posted: 12/19/2011 2:33:31 PM

This post has been approved by Walker, TX Ranger, Jr.

Well...since that post was approuuved by GOD we can't really say anything, can we?

And for the Op; this isnt about him, its about you actually. You are blaming him for YOUR loss of interest. Got to face facts first. YOU didnt like what he was doing, so YOU left him. Do not say it was HIS fault, its his life to control.
Now that being said, were you right or wrong? Maybe one, maybe the other, maybe both. I for one and kind of stuck in the same place, but if I had moral support, instead of someone flushing me....maybe Id get somewhere. On the other hand, maybe I'm a lazy f*ck who just wants to not do anything and die. SO, maybe your right about that.

But keep in mind; its not your life to control! His choices. You can approve or disprove, but you can NOT say you left him because he had no ambition. You left him because you did NOT approve what he was doing. It was your decision, not his. Fess up to that, and accept. This doesnt make you a bad girl; it puts things in perspective. You DO have the right to change and not like the same things in a partner, and take decisions in consequence.

Anyways, best of luck to you.
 moonwalkerman
Joined: 2/19/2008
Msg: 33
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A new lack of ambition reason enough to break up?
Posted: 12/19/2011 4:15:21 PM
Lack of ambition usually means lack of skill. In my experience, people tend to make themselves believe that there is potential in someone when there is not, and then they get pissed at that person for not fulfilling that potential, when there never actually was any potential to start out with.
 dmzvisitor
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 34
A new lack of ambition reason enough to break up?
Posted: 12/19/2011 6:19:50 PM
You did the right thing.

One very basic rule is, don't be with someone b/c of what you "think" they can be--because of their "potential."

People change--as you have found. You were attracted to him b/c he was growing (I think that's more useful than "ambitious"). He stopped growing and you became less attracted. Of course you must leave.

But do pay heed to what others said, and really think about it: would you be happy with him if he had been very passionate about a low-paying career? I don't know--I'm just encouraging you to think about it.

If you want a lifestyle that includes higher-cost entertainment, be willing to go after it yourself--and then you can justly expect the same from a partner (or, be with someone who is passionate about something that won't bring in a lot of $$, if all you really care about is that he has goals and plans to keep growing in his future, and you expect to earn enough to pay for you both). Just don't let your interest in a guy's "ambition" be an interest in his "potential," as in, future earning potential. Those are not the same things!
 onlydateIF
Joined: 11/15/2011
Msg: 35
A new lack of ambition reason enough to break up?
Posted: 12/19/2011 9:13:07 PM
I think you know yourself and what works for you better than your family does-unless of course you are not very self aware and and in denial. Generally speaking though, they wouldn't have to coexist with him, but you would, so live your life according to what works for you.
 Tiina
Joined: 6/23/2005
Msg: 36
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A new lack of ambition reason enough to break up?
Posted: 12/23/2011 9:41:44 AM
I am not ambitious, so it would not matter to me if a man did a dead end job. If he was happy and contented with it, this is the main thing. I would prefer to be with someone unambitious, as they would not be pushing me to 'get on' all the time. Maybe you did the right thing by ending the relationship because you couldn't accept him the way he was, and if you would be always pushing him to 'get on' then the chances of his being happy with you would have been non existant. I hope you find someone with the same drive which you have.
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 37
A new lack of ambition reason enough to break up?
Posted: 12/23/2011 10:02:54 AM
With the economy the way it is, at least he has a job. School is an unaffordable luxury. Apparently, his dead end job pays him enough to where he makes too much to be eligible for grants. I think you are breaking up with him for a superficial reason. I could see if he was unemployed and not trying to find work, but how do you expect him to dedicate a great deal of time job hunting when he already has a job? What are you going to do, leave him for someone who was born into wealth and doesn't have to go through this?
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 38
A new lack of ambition reason enough to break up?
Posted: 12/23/2011 10:21:51 AM
but if he didn't fulfill his potential as the person I know he is then I would still be disappointed with him.


Sounds like a selfish project to me. You saw him as an...employee?

What do you do once he DOES fill that potential? (find a new project?)

hmm

If you two had goals you couldnt reach doing what you're doing; I understand. Other than that......girl....harsh.

So in other words, you left him when he needed you most???


Lack of ambition usually means lack of skill


Either that or a sh*t support system.

Seattle Seahawks are winnin like crazy this year. [at home] The team sucks; the fans are among the top 3 in the league.

You do the math.

Is it me; or are the majority of the girls "for", and the majority of men "against".

*shrugs*

I need a dog and a new camaro.
 lovefun99
Joined: 6/14/2010
Msg: 39
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A new lack of ambition reason enough to break up?
Posted: 12/23/2011 11:16:37 AM
Hmmmm 6 years later, I wonder if he is still in the dead end job...
 vanna87
Joined: 10/9/2011
Msg: 40
A new lack of ambition reason enough to break up?
Posted: 12/23/2011 1:36:04 PM
Honey, you did the right thing! And don't let those other people tell you you're too young to talk about ambition. It is fantastic that you are mature enough to realize that guy is a bum. Your family should be thinking about your happiness. And you need to date someone with goals similar to your own! I left a guy just like yours a while ago. He wasn't just lazy when it came to his job, but also the relationship and life in general. I've found guys like your ex and mine to be unreliable - not a trait I look for in my future children's father.
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 41
A new lack of ambition reason enough to break up?
Posted: 12/23/2011 6:24:38 PM

Honey, you did the right thing! And don't let those other people tell you you're too young to talk about ambition. It is fantastic that you are mature enough to realize that guy is a bum. Your family should be thinking about your happiness. And you need to date someone with goals similar to your own! I left a guy just like yours a while ago. He wasn't just lazy when it came to his job, but also the relationship and life in general. I've found guys like your ex and mine to be unreliable - not a trait I look for in my future children's father


I...partially agree with this. Your right I believe, a bum is a bum, chances are he will stay that way if he is. But, the definition of bum, like anything else, can vary. Example, you always dreamed to be a truck driver. You go out, become a truck driver. Not a good one, just a decent, ordinary truck driver. A lot of people would see you as lacking ambition, not doing anything usefull, and you being a bum. Whereas you might become kickass, numero uno, straight A truck driver with a reputation for being rocking with her deliveries. I don`t think you would qualify to be a bum, but would you still be? To most people, probably. Same can be said of a gardener. What kind of low end, no money boring job is being a gardener? Well, tell that to some of the gardeners of huge ass mansions and the Prime Minister of Canada`s home lol. It depends. Friend of mine is dating a guy, no job, doesnt seem in a hurry to get one; says he`s in depression. Granted. But the guy has trainning in Carpentry, Woodcutting, Metal Working and what not. The day he decides to go...that guy could be winning like, 100 000 a year. Is he a bum? Maybe. But 2 years from now, might be a rich PDG. You never know.
I think you need to give someone the benefit of a doubt. Ambition is not a crime at all, but neither should lack of ambition be a sin. I always wanted to be a cop; when I was a kid my dad had no cash to pay for an operation for my eyes, so I didnt become one. Now I'm too old, so the dream is gone. What I'm doing right now, while not very well paid is enjoyable, and for a big company. Yet, even though I'm not considered as such, I consider MYSELF to be a bum. And even though I have projects and plan to make more money...well my ultimate goal is a house up north, a cool wife to have a couple kids with me, and then retire to the vineyard and plant flowers. A lot of people would say, boring, sucks, nowhere, looser...yet a lot of people wouldnt agree.

I think we base ourself waayyyy too much according to society`s definitions of what is "successfull". Someone that`s successfull is usually killing himself and growing old for a company who ultimately exploits him, when he/she works 70+ hours a week and is paid 40. When he dies, they`ll get another one. And when he`s dead, well...just before he might realise he never lived. Or has no kids. Or has some, but was too busy being ambitious, you know? That being said...dating someone who doesnt match what you think isnt good either. Personnal choice really.
 BEACHBUM611
Joined: 12/12/2011
Msg: 42
A new lack of ambition reason enough to break up?
Posted: 12/23/2011 8:41:19 PM
No, you're not out of your mind and yes I believe you did get out right on time!!! Your situation reminds me of a situation that I had but a lot worst. I left because she didn't have any goals, ambitions or a job and wasn't planning on correcting any of them plus much more issues. So me and you both did the right things, we can't have mates that will bring us down. Happy Holidays.
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 43
A new lack of ambition reason enough to break up?
Posted: 12/25/2011 1:30:46 PM
I'm sure he has his reasons for staying at the job, maybe he likes his job, he's happy there, making enough to pay his bills, has health insurance, etc., Maybe in this economy, he's weary of changing jobs. With so many workers being laid off, he has job security. More work is expected out of each person in this current environment, & he doesn't want to get himself in a postion where he leaves & is miserable somewhere else. He is the one who is working at this particular place, not you. Why do think it's a dead end job? Maybe it's not a dead end job to him. To me, having no ambition would describe someone very lazy who doesn't even make the attempt to find a job, or have a good attendance record at their job b/c they don't want to work. Does he have other qualities that you liked about him? Do you have similiar interests, do you enjoy his company? Do you like his personality? There are so many other important personality traits to consider, this seems like a silly reason to break up w/someone. You have to look at the whole package.
 15111958
Joined: 12/6/2011
Msg: 44
A new lack of ambition reason enough to break up?
Posted: 12/27/2011 8:07:40 PM
Don't all jobs have a dead end? is there a job that eventually leads to another realm of existence?
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