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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > virginity.....should it really be a big deal?      Home login  
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 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 26
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?Page 2 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
lol, now that is a great concept of time if i had ever heard of one........well said.

its true, for that "temporary satisfaction" is it really worth the risk? im starting to find alot of things in life lately is being based on the "temporary satisfaction" for more than 1 level. but then again thats just me.... i really need to stop analyzing things soo much
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 27
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 5/17/2006 8:11:20 AM

Quite frankly virginity is not something you have but something you haven't. And that is experience in engaging in a sexual act.

Language conforms our outlook.

Loss is a negative connotation and people should not consider intimacy in negative terms.


that was absolutely brilliant thinking, i admire your perspective and concept about the subject.... a wise man you just might be
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 28
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 5/18/2006 9:16:45 AM
ok, i was just pondering about the whole virginity thing and was contemplating...... if you are a virgin involved in a relationship, what would be a good duration before proceeding to loose it?

this may get interesting
 Melodic Euphoria
Joined: 3/22/2005
Msg: 29
virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 5/18/2006 9:22:52 AM
Virginity as a virtue is a concept imposed by the moralist. On the one end of the sexuality spectrum, there lies the virgin. On the other, there lies the...whore. Somewhere in the middle is normality. It's always good to explore and to experience your sexuality so you know the type of partner you'd like to do sexual activity with. Face it, sex is an important element in a serious relationship, and is a good way to express your passions for your partner. But how can you begin to know what you want in bed if you don't have a little............uhh...experience. LOL!

- Angielah, the virgin. (Not for long, because I have plans )
 banannaman
Joined: 5/18/2006
Msg: 30
virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 5/18/2006 10:16:50 AM
>Although it may not matter to most people today, because there is no immediate punishment like there is if you "break the law of the land", but virgins are obeying the law of god, and sex outside of marriage is not ok with him. Just cause god doesnt punish the fornicators immediately does not mean that they are gonna get off as though it didnt matter.

> Just a note to consider for those that are teetering and listened to the screwed up teachings of the likes in our great society today. There is still great teachings out there that lead to happiness. And whatever blessing that comes with being obedient to this, right up till marriage, youll never receive, or even know about once you give it up.

> But then, why stop there, why not ignore all the laws of God and only obey the ones that have immediate punishment while were at it! After all, isn't ignorance bliss? LOLOL.
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 31
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 5/18/2006 3:20:28 PM
my friend, you are one of the rare few out there who are a dime a dozen left in this society.... for what its worth, i am truely sorry that things didnt work out with that woman from the IM program. the way I see it, it is her loss that she couldnt wait. i admire you for having waited this long and that you wish to wait till marriage, kudos goes out to you. yeah sometimes it takes a bad relationship to make a person have their views altered.... but cant completely disagree with her, she did have the right frame of mind that if you two did deeply care for one another. not that many people have that same train of thought, but I guess the question would be how long would you have waited before realizing "well, we do care for each other deeply..... maybe its something to consider" i cant tell you that is the right or wrong way of thinking, as you mentioned you wish to wait till marriage which is respectable on your part. for myself, whether i will wait till marriage or not has yet to be determined, what I do know, is if the feelings and emotions are there after soo long into the relationship, maybe not waiting for marriage isnt the right way either.

then again, I really dont know anything about this person, so nuts to that theory lol. in any case, this i can guarentee you.... good things do come to those who wait for it
 bmadmax40
Joined: 11/27/2004
Msg: 32
virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 5/20/2006 12:47:26 PM
Virginity or abstiense from sex must be a big deal, if it what keeps this thread going.
It is only cost some money to pay for sex and it is a matter of hooking up with people to get sex.

However, it is a matter of whom to have sex with. It has not much to do with marriage, as many people live together and have kids without being married. Isn't it about love? Love, or the damn word which most people think is outdated and worth nothing. Isn't it all about feelings? Oh, yeah, how convinient to have friends with benefits or just keep dating different people. Why not just pay for sex? It is easier. How exiting it is for the guys to have victories and for the girls--admirers. I believe that it is not worth it to lie to ourselves. Therefore, virginity and abstience is just a waiting period until that magic of relationship will happen. By itself, as a fact, virginity is not of a value. Just meet somebody, who will worth to make love with.

Some people are sex addicts, some are virgins, so what? Neither one is a loser and everybody can be.
I am looking from a perspective of a guy who spent 25 years in the same relationship.

On the other hand, get drunk, have sex, get over it, get drunk again, have sex, go to a strip club, pay for sex. Let's see, if that will make u happier.

Or just meet people. Who knows, maybe, you will find a relationship which will last. No reason to talk about the luck of sexual experience or experience, morals and the luck itself. Go, do it, as we all are on dating sites. Once again, what's sex compared to a relationship or the banned word love.
I believe that there is not enough lifetime for this one little word to have for just one person while most people will never talk after one-night stand
 redhairedbeauty1
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 33
virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 5/20/2006 7:00:25 PM
to be honest with you i havent asked a guy if he was a virgin since high school. Not that i think being a virgin is a bad thing quite the opposite.
Now i more or less ask how many woman they have slept with lol
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 34
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 5/26/2006 8:42:37 AM
lol not bad..... after 20 years of marriage and 3 kids, someone can still be a virgin eh
 *buzz*
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 35
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 7/4/2006 2:06:24 PM
Well, to be honest, it was a BIG deal to me.
Precise military action really, well thought right to every details I had read in my smart books.

Reality? Well, still cannot leave that 'train of love' and close my eyes firmly when a stop(station) approaches

P.S.
Now! Where is that conductor?
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 36
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 7/23/2006 10:26:32 AM
dude... that was a great post

in this day and age trying to read people (let alone women) can be ubber hard. in any case, ironically enough i was the same when i was in school, i didnt care bout women and getting laid, i wanted to get a great education without the distractions. hey read your profile.... lol and ironically enough again i started my own company as well. i am in the graphic design & advertising freelancing world, would love to go for a drink and discuss business sometime if you are in need of establishing your project. always on the verge of success in life.

here is my plan from this point on....plan "B". i get the job of my dreams, i get the place of my dreams and i end it off with the woman of my dreams...... so looks like guys like you and dont get breaks eh. no biggie, better things to worry bout in life anyways.
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 37
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 7/25/2006 12:17:16 AM
to cutiestudent - i doubt that you would be the majority on how you handled it. and yes very wise words, by choosing someone whom you have deep feelings for.... kudos to you for doing it the right way

to doreen28 - i am sorry to hear about you getting your heart broken, by the sounds of it that guy seems like a total loser that you dont need in your life..... look at it this way, if he acted the way he did by you telling him that you were a virgin, it must mean that he couldnt have been that "clean" to begin with..... that or just the fact that he is a general**** in any case, im sure there is some gratification knowing that you didn't loose it to that guy
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 38
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 7/25/2006 11:40:15 PM
i was pondering about your comment jemue....... that sounds like an interesting theory. now how many people can agree with it? hard to say whether religion is a decision on the topic........ then again the majority of religions if not all has some kind of mention about sexuality in one form or another. at least i think it does.......buh
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 39
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 7/25/2006 11:59:33 PM
somehow it doesnt suprise me one bit that men would be answering in a negative perspective regarding virginity towards women...... personally i prefer the pure ones. this is a great lesson to learn about forums in dating sites......... dont take it to heart. there is no pint in getting upset at other people because it is their point of view and if it seems "right" in their eyes (what ever the subject may be) just let it go if it isnt to your liking to what they have to say. its all about how you choose to take the comments, why bother caring soo much about something someone says that you dont even know? as for the "treasure your virginity" comment.........*scratches head........i didnt know there was suppost to be pressure involved in loosing your virginity! badumm ching! ok cheesey joke i know :P
 islandprincess_
Joined: 2/13/2006
Msg: 40
virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 7/26/2006 10:24:17 PM
This is my issue too. I think the core of my post was surrounded by this exact dilemma. I think it inevitably becomes a huge part of any relationship based decision you make. Someone with a high sex drive, and low patience may not be cool with having to wait it out until the virgin was ready. It's understandable that people have needs, and those needs should rightfully be fullfilled. However, you need to both want similar things.

I guess to oppose my own point, it all depends on the type of relationship that was stemming out. There are different types of romantic relationships, some are more emotional than physical, and others are more physical than emotional. I think all of these relationships function because both parties understand and agree to the environment, which ever it may be.

Fundamentally, you need to be honest with yourself and the other person. It does make a difference, in my experience. Ideally, it should not matter. You should love the other person regardless...insert riding off into the sunset on horseback here.

Good luck!
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 41
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 7/27/2006 11:10:27 AM
well said.....not sure bout the riding into the sunset part, people still do that? lol

yeah its a shame how society is sexually driven, but its apart of human nature. no one seems to want to control it in this day and age, but hey.... more the power to you knowing that you can
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 42
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 7/27/2006 11:43:46 AM
lol oh joy, now im hosed! hell yeah i agree with you, it is very different if your a woman compared to a guy.... personally i would prefer someone who is a virgin to someone who isnt, mainly for the fact i know she cant complain she had better

no seriously, i would take someone who is over someone who isnt because it can show self respect.... cant say im a big fan of guys who just want them to "deflower", doesnt do much for their "character"

meh, ive said it before and i will keep on saying it again, bigger things in life to tend to than gettin laid.... im takin myself off the market anyways, my plan "B" is taking effect. its included in my profile to whom ever is curious to what it is.
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 43
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 7/27/2006 8:30:10 PM
well thank you for the kind words..... then again say that kinda thing to another guy..... they will think you are gay or something lol.

i wouldnt know if holding back info like still a virgin would bring strain on another...... not the word id use, im thinkin along the lines of obstacle from the other person's perspective..... here is my theory.

guy is with a girl and finds out she is a virgin after getting to know each other and such..... 1 of 2 things could probably happen. 1) he is willing to wait until she feels she is ready to express herself in a physical manner, but because he has to wait it is the obstacle of time that is against him. 2) he will now have the obstacle of trying to "deflower" her, sweet talking and such to her until she possibly gives in.

id like to use an example from a female point of view, but like all guys...... we have no idea what they are thinking how would a woman react? im gonna assume 1 of 3 things

1) that this guy is a genuine person for waiting till he loves someone
2) that there is something wrong with this guy not to have done it yet
3) that this guy is a possible homosexual..... ok im reaching out on this one lol

i am speaking for myself when i say.... i could care less bout the sexual aspects of a relationship, it is a bonus in my eyes..... it should be about companionship, this would be my primary point of view..... actually im just curious, is compassion part of the sexual aspect, or a separate catagory on its own when in regards to relationships?
 takashi
Joined: 7/14/2006
Msg: 44
virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 7/27/2006 10:04:46 PM
Dude, you are the man... you managed to sum up basically everything i wanted to say.

I spent most of my time in school just hanging out with friends. i never had problems with grades, i whas the "Nerd", women just looked right past me because i was not on the football team, or a jock,

i have never had sex because i have never had a girl friend, not out of choice, just never found anyone that is interested in me. doesn't help that i work alot. funny, i thought a woman would want someone stable that they can count on and feel comfprtable with. i guess not.

Preaty sure i would need practice to get good, no one is good at something the first time arround.

some times i think the same thing. scew it, im not looking any more, im jsut going to enjoy my life and live on. but you know i like to think there is someone out there for all of us. i have female friends who i love, really love but not in a physical way (sometimes not by my own choice either).

i think there is hope for ppl like us. we just have to keep looking for someone who understands us.
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 45
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 7/27/2006 11:39:27 PM
hey there bro, glad i was able to help you with what you wanted to know......personally i hated high school and wasnt exactly popular with the ladies.... nor with anyone else, back in those days i was a real loner and didnt care bout anyone in that place.... im basically the same, never found anyone yet that seemed to be interested in me for more than a friendship...... works for me just the same. i will agree, when you say there is someone out there for all of us..... its just such a long road ahead before reaching the end of it do we find someone ( or someone finds us ) good for you not to be looking anymore, now im not the only one lol. my advice to you, just dont make it a primary directive to yourself, but a secondary. before i want to be with someone, i want to get a good job and get a nice place to live in...... but i am not gonna object if someone wants to come along for that ride. and i have those female friends too.... love them like my own sister, but couldnt do anything more than that. best of luck to you on your new ventures of life
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 46
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 7/28/2006 9:36:48 AM

I'm 22 years old and I'm a virgin. I'm waiting until I'm married to engage in sexual relations. In fact, I refuse to even kiss a woman on the lips until our wedding day. I believe that these are very honorable goals. I consider fornication to be morally wrong. The injunction against kissing is my own personal view, but it is rooted in the same moral principle against fornication. I know that I can't trust myself to just kiss and leave it there---I'm afraid that things will go beyond just kissing. That's my reasoning against kissing before marriage as well (on the lips, that is). Bottom line: if I cannot kiss without lusting after her, then I have no business kissing at all.

Some of you believe that this is "archaic" and even "ridiculous." That's your opinion and you're entitled to it. However, nobody should be unfairly discriminated against simply because they choose this way of life.


now i am gonna take a stab at this and try to decifer your logic...... after viewing your profile, you seem to be very religious and im guessing that because of your beliefs from these religious teachings, that you want to stay as pure as you can until marriage. now, keep in mind that no one has any reason at all to discriminate against choices like this..... there is no point in my eyes. good for you that you want to keep this way of life style and if your happy with it, then more the power to you. no one is judging you on your choices on how to live your life... they have no right!

now, since i have made my theory about why you choose to have this kind of a life sytle (and prove me wrong in case i am) there is no reason why you cannot choose to go against this belief along the lines of the kissing portion. you say you cant trust yourself to just kiss and leave it there...... yes you can do this, this is call "self control" it has to do with your will power, you choose to do it as much as you choose to stop doing it, and i hate to be the one to tell you this, but if you cant even bring yourself to kiss a woman before marriage, this will go against you in the long run...... think about this for a second, you are gonna tell me, that if you meet a woman spend how much amount of time with her before you would think about marrying her that she wouldnt want to at least kiss? this is a form of affection which women want from a man that they are with and care about. by you not even doing this can be a sign of disrespect towards her, it is showing that you do not desire her nor even find her attractive. this is just the basics of human relations, it is a form of communication which in my eyes is one of the 4 primary foundations of a successful relationship, the other 3 primary foundations are comprimise, trust and respect..... everything else aside from that are secondary and sub sections of the primary. what do you expect to do with this woman until marriage? heck by the sounds of it you wont even be able to make a physical contact, cause that can lead to what you fear that you wont even trust yourself with.

the point im making is, do not limit yourself to choices and decisions that you have complete control over, cause if this is the case, then dont be suprised if you cannot find a woman that is willing to go along with your way of lifestyle..... it is all within the strength of your will power. if you feel that you cannot control it, then consider not even trying to find yourself a lifemate, in the end human nature is what makes up what the future has to hold for the human race.....JMHO
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 7/28/2006 10:54:50 AM
lol there is no normal in this day and age, to be normal is to be perfect.... which as human beings is impossible to achieve. all in all, this is what is important in life.... do what makes you happy!!! so as long as it doesnt involve illegal intentions, do it till your heart desires.....err.... what ever that may be
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 48
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 7/28/2006 9:52:01 PM
ok i gotta intervein here a bit..... the whole loosing your virginity thing should be looked at as one thing.... where does it fall under your list of priorities in life? why i am saying it like this, is due to the fact that if it was such an important priority to tend to, then it would have been done by now. lol i seriously doubt about the pedistal thing, yeah you respect women, as much as you respect everyone else... when my buddies talk about the things that they do with women in a sexual manner, just because i dont have any experience doesnt mean i can get involved in the discussion.... its guy talking just get in there and talk about how they did what and such. and to ease your mind, yes... there is such a thing as being too nice, problem is the more nice you tend to be, the more people take advantage of it..... im talkin from experience
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 49
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 8/1/2006 12:30:56 AM

Before you have sex, just tell her it's been a while, and you're rusty. :)




somehow i doubt that she would believe that.....you can watch all the porn and read all you can about what women want on the forums... bottom line is - this equals "theory" rather than "application" which is what we need. this is all you do....... let your emotions take over and enjoy the ride..... be passionate, be physical and most importantly.... be there

but more than agree with you on love and respect... it does have to be there, no point if it isnt
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 8/2/2006 10:55:46 PM
that was well said.... im happy with the way this thread is progressing.... keep up the input everyone and great job so far
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