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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > virginity.....should it really be a big deal?      Home login  
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 Poothead
Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 51
virginity.....should it really be a big deal?Page 3 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
Depends on the reason/s for their virginity.
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 52
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 8/6/2006 9:27:18 AM
lol yeah i know she is very cute the girl in my pic... that would be the cousin of a friend of who's b-day i just celebrated very recently. what a shame too, she is getting married next year.... lucky %$#@. and i couldn't have agreed more to your statement on that sex can be considered a disgusting act.... well the differentiation between sex and love making is the emotions and feelings involved. i would rather wait a long time before expressing myself in the ultimate physical manner than just do it for the sake of doing it. at least i know i have deep feelings for the person, i just cant go with the thought of "doing it" with any random woman.... regardless of how beautiful she is. it just doesnt seem right in my eyes.... but what do i know

hey here is a thought, all of us virgins should have a get together and party like we had some lol.

we can call it The V Connection......just a thought
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 53
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 8/6/2006 10:13:15 AM
lol wont let u in canada, wat did u do

hell yeah id come down, id wish they all could be california girls......yeah i know that was cheesy. ok then, it is up to u and me to set up the V connection at MSG for all of north america, i can do the advertising and marketing, you just have to bring the virgins
 kindapicky
Joined: 8/28/2005
Msg: 54
virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 8/6/2006 10:33:37 AM
Hey Silm, I commend you and the other virgins. Being "one of them" as some may say, eliminates you from, lets see, no STD worries, a LOT less baggage to bring into a relationship. From my point of view, all of you are way ahead in the relationship field. Stay strong.
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 55
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 8/7/2006 12:52:03 AM
i must have mentioned this somwhere throughout the course of this entire thread... and quote me on this " I AM AS PURE AS THEY COME " in every literal sense of the phrase. anything other than a kiss on the cheek and a hug, i have no more of any kind of contact from a woman. and to answer that question.... yes, it is technically correct, once inserted and withdrawn, you would officially be a virgin no more... the literal sense would be until you "finished".... but like i say more often then not, what do I know!

and i am partial serious about the whole virgin get-to-get-her (get together) shindig idea. the only question is, what kind of a turn out can be expected at something such as that? then again... its an excuse to go out drinking
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 56
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 8/7/2006 10:45:08 AM
i thought you can only please one at a time?

anyone who can please more than one at a time has to be doing something right! i will take you up on that offer man..... next round after that is on me better get those pitchers ready!

wow... not even a hug? i can understand the kiss portion, but everyone loves a good hug.......well at least i think they would from time to time. lol funny you should mention the pervert thing by co-workers, i happen to work at the airport and it is always bombarded (i dont know if that is spelt right or not) with drop dead gorgeous women at all times...... i have my fair share at glancing at some of them, but in a respectful manner.... yet my fellow workers love giving me a hard time about it cause im single lol...... law of averages my friend..... law of averages!
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 57
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 8/7/2006 11:40:53 AM
simple analogy... animals dont intimidate in social settings!

ive known a coupld of people in the past with social anxiety, i am fortunate to say i help them somewhat break then out of that habbit. im a people person, i understand pretty well how they are in more than one aspect......this is another conversation all together.

all you need is confidence.... nothing more. always ask yourself this question " whats the worst that can happen? " no need to over analyze the situation. im the type of person that if i see someone just standing around (be it male or female) i just start off with small conversation i.e. have the time? nice day out isnt it. hey check out this scar i just got!!! (im kidding with this one)

something simple, then work your way from there..... i used to be ubber shy myself around people at one point in time where i was afraid to have social interactions..... now im the guy who just goes around and greet everyone i see. it takes time i know, but hey got to start somewhere
 canyunflyer
Joined: 2/6/2006
Msg: 58
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 8/8/2006 3:27:00 PM
I have a beautiful 13 year daughter. I think virginity is a big deal for her, and those in her age group. There are many many reasons to substantiate this.

Once people have reached the age of consent, and have chosen to get involved with the world, Including sites like this, I am not so sure it is all that big a deal for anyone anymore. However, any one of us certainly have the right to make it as big a deal as we choose.

At my age.... the closest I am going to get to it...(or anyone I might get involved with) would be what they call.... a born again virgin. ha!
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 59
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 8/11/2006 10:20:51 AM
well no offence taken jaydog, trust me when i say this...... i used to be the complete opposite of what I am today in regards to my own mentality. i never had confidence in myself just because of my upbringing, it took a few bad events to make me change my mentality. when i meant confidence, i meant it in a sense of believing in yourself that you can do it, cause lets face it, in this day and age no one does anything for you in that sense. i wanted to keep it simple, its either you feel that you can or you feel that you cant, just give yourself more credit and i believe that things will go smoother for you. so we ever gonna go for that drink and talk business or what
 jpneok
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 60
virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 8/11/2006 3:30:16 PM
I'm not sure whether its more or less depressing that I found a thread with so many replies and ideas and feelings and, admittedly, some worries and insecurities, as I have, being 33 and also a virgin. But I want to thank everyone for responding in here, the good, the bad and the ugly, the things I agree with and the things I don't - its all good and important things to consider.

I have to agree to some extent with the sentiment of some earlier posters who say "virginity is an issue until you lose it" - that's likely true, however, since I AM a "virgin", and there IS some mainstream stigma attached to it, it seems to be necessarily it is a "big deal", though not in the way some think. I'm not "ashamed" that I haven't had sex, even if my MMPI depression screening (apparently we need a club) did say I was "terrified of sex" (false).


For me the virginity itself is tied in with the fact of a truly in-depth intimate (meant in a person-to-person way, not necessarily physical) relationship. I have no real problem admitting I'm a virgin or haven't been on dates, though its not something I'm going to just bring up, as I realize thats a definite mark of insecurity - I'd like to think I've matured a lot from the "doormat", insecure way I used to be. But I regret that I haven't had a loving, meaningful relationship by this age - and since I would not have sex without such a relationship, the idea of being a "relationship virgin" is really more the big deal to me, than being a "sex virgin" because I'm socially/intimately inexperienced, which is what I think is the more important and vital part of a relationship, and where I feel like I could do whomever I find a disservice by being emotionally underdeveloped. Sure the idea of my first time at making love is anxiety-producing, but since it won't get to that point unless we're clicking on a more subtle and deep level, that really doesn't concern me as much as some might think - if she likes me enough that we decide to "do our taxes", then she'll already know and accept that I'm experience-challenged. Someone who could NOT understand or accept that isn't someone I'm interested in anyway, so in that way, the "virginity" *deal* is actually a fairly helpful filter, and not a detriment.

And yes, I do still have insecurities and admittedly, some "issues" with the fact that I'm going to be intimidated and stressed if I find a "normal" girl (who isn't a virgin) and the fact that the chances of finding a mutual virgin in my age range is getting more and more unlikely - i'm not above admitting its something I do worry over, as I do have a fear I'll be constantly "judged" and held to other standards for comparison, which only makes my mental "holier than thou" defensive attitude kick in and make me have even MORE problems with being with an "experienced" woman. Does anyone understand where I'm coming from?


To close, I thought I'd offer some optional entertainment - the text below is a brief summary of my total "experiences" for anyone who likes comedy/tragedies:

I'll only talk about my first date, since the next (and only other) one I went on I only refer to as ".25" of a date, it was like a speed date, due to the fact I apparently had a small horse hoof growing out of my forehead or something - about 30 minutes, just a quick bite to eat and she "had a headache", but even I can tell when someone is OBVIOUSLY not "into me", like Lebanon "isn't into" Israel.


Anyway, my first date was the X-Files movie (*sigh* so long ago...) - and it was from an internet site. Apparently talking about William Shatner is not the aphrodesiac I had presumed it to be. ;) But seriously, it went well and I got a hug at the end of the date but through signs I should have read, it turns out she had decided it didn't really "work" for her - which I *finally* got after calling her about five times to find her to cease eating to talk to me. "Mmm-hmmm *munch, munch*".


Now, something which I have to admit at the time had me quite anxious but unable to resolve, was after the movie and dinner, we were driving back to her house and she asked to stop on the hill since we both liked looking at the stars. Now, my friends cuff me on the back of the head and shake their heads in exasperation at the fact that... we sat there and looked at the stars. We sat there about 10-15 minutes and one of us (I can't remember which) decided to call it a night. Apparently this "let's look at the stars" was a subtle signal which I couldn't have picked up with the Aracibo "Big Ear" SETI satellite dish. She later told me I was very nice and she could see me as a friend - which didn't hurt as much as I expected it to, possibly because I didn't really know her, though I still acted a little petulant - I realize now I was pretty damn clingy and soft-skinned an I still appreciate an entertaining and enjoyable first date (she shared her key lime pie with me!).


Later, I was lucky enough once to talk to a girl online who I'd exchange snail-mail packages and letters and phone calls with for a couple of years, we were each other's therepeutic outlet for romantic urges, though we never met (though I did admit I had developed a crush on her) - I kinda blew things with a (to me) obviously above-board gesture which she felt like was a "trap", cest la vie. Anyway, she taught me a lot about myself and relationships (even though we weren't in a "real" one, its the closest I've ever been) and I'm grateful for her being in my life, even briefly.
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 61
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 8/14/2006 9:54:55 PM
that was a good rant... glad you were able to share with the rest of us man
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 63
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 8/20/2006 11:21:56 AM

I think what I should do now, is stop trying to define myself by the standards set by society and focus on my goals. Screw dating. I've always said that I should fix myself before I inflict myself on another person.


jaydog, that was very well said. that is the mentality that i have had for many years as well, after completing the goals you set out on yourself, then work towards the goals for being with someone.

so once again... we gonna grab a and discuss business or what!!!
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 64
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 8/22/2006 10:52:24 PM
looks like it is a big deal after all...... get this!!! a woman on here messaged me with a very long structured message according to my profile, which took me by suprise cause i rarely get messages. anyways i send her one back including my msn. we talk for a bit and it was fantastic conversation the entire way..... she askes me bout my past relationships and such, i happen to mention that i havent been in a relationship yet and was asking me bout "my experience" and mentioned to her i have none.... i believe this freaked her out so much that she has not come back online.

in fact half way through a conversation she just goes offline as in, she thinks im some kind of freak. needless to say before she happen to go offline mentioned her past relationships.... in her words "4 long term and a bunch in between" now im thinkin i did somethin bad, someone doesnt just go offline in the middle of a conversation, but then again what do i know. she seemed like a very nice person up until that point, i wasnt too concerned with her sexual past ( she was hinting with quite a few inuendo's during our conversation ) but looks like she was more than concerned with mine because of the choices i have made in my life.

so much for that... just curious, is this a normal thing for women to get freaked out by someone who is still unexperienced? anyone else from here experience this thing too? im just a little confused
 jpneok
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 65
virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 8/24/2006 7:41:01 PM
At some point it WILL be their business...
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 66
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 8/28/2006 12:34:55 AM
that was well said
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 67
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 8/29/2006 10:27:48 PM
just a minor update on that woman that i mentioned in my previous post.... she did block me! gotta love those online programs for msn when you can tell if they block you or not lol. ah well, her loss!
 MarkCK
Joined: 9/24/2005
Msg: 68
virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 8/30/2006 10:04:22 AM
everybody should do whatever they choose to

sex is great!!

I waited untill I was 19 because I didn't want to get with anyone, there were a few girls who wanted to but I didn't fancy them. I'm old fashioned like that, but after the first time things changed a little bit! there's nothing like having sex with someone you really like.

obviously everyone should do as they please, but at the same time, if you're heading into your 30's I say don't wait untill you're a crusty, enjoy the experience and get in there!! its healthy and fun, a part of life
 jpneok
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 69
virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 8/30/2006 10:05:35 AM
Well Slim, better luck next time, more or less the same thing happened to me, ah well.

And as for the above post by Dru, isn't it so selfless and kind of people to so graciously offer to help "fix" you? There's that goodwill of Man again. =/

As for the DIRECTLY above post - a "crusty"? Thanks...
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 70
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 8/30/2006 10:32:13 AM
oh man sorry to hear that happened to you as well...... makes me wonder sometimes.....hey us virgins should get our own forum space
 MarkCK
Joined: 9/24/2005
Msg: 71
virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 8/30/2006 4:03:09 PM
that crusty comment wasn't directed at you

its true though, if you hold old for too long, you'll end up a 70 years old crusty!! and won't have experienced one of lifes great, almost free - offerings!

you're not a crusty at 30 something don't worry.
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 72
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 8/31/2006 1:11:39 PM
ahahahahah..... almost free eh? ive heard that before
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 73
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 9/7/2006 11:38:04 PM

Oooh. I have an idea. Let's have a certificate of defloration. You go to a certified sex worker upon your 18th birthday. It'll be like getting a driver's licence. One more reason to legalize whoring. You'll get a card when you have sex, and you can show it to people.


ahahahaha.... now that is a funny concept! but what happens if you loose this card after you get it?
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 74
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 9/11/2006 11:49:49 AM
i got dibs for being the head teacher in that course!!!!
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 75
virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 9/11/2006 8:10:03 PM
thebigslim,

In response to your original post -- the answer is that it depends on your age, but otherwise at least a little bit. This is all negating those who were striving to be a priest, live in Mormon-rich areas, or otherwise deeply social conservatives (then you change the factor by one with social conservatives).

(a) 18-21 - Not really a factor. Can be for some, but most who are will lose it soon to a relationship or something. Actual respect there, as long as they aren't prudish and uptight about the concept of sex.

(b) 22-24 - A bit of a factor. Questions will arise about dating experience or longterm relationship experience. It will lead one to ask, "Did you even have a relationship while in college?" Can be a red flag to some, but not a big one. Depends on the people, but it's not a huge issue or anything, unless you're prudish.

(c) 25-29 - A significant factor. You'd need a very good reason for most people to understand this. If you're an artist in the art of "hitting triples" and you've done that, but comfortably chose not to hit home plate -- and have lived a busy lifestyle or something, then it won't be an issue at all with some. Could generate some interest, actually, if your personality does not match the stereotype of one who is. They may think you're afraid of sex or something. Hence, show that you know what the bases are, and you're not a typical "virgin", and that it and sex is not an issue to you.

(d) 30-39 - A big factor. They probably think you were depressed as a guy, or afraid of women. Or, if you're a woman, you're a huge prude and have some issues dealing with that. You'll need a darn good explanation, as they'll otherwise assume that you've got no real relationship or dating experience... and at this age, that's scary!

(e) 40+ - Watch the movie.
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