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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > virginity.....should it really be a big deal?      Home login  
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 SouthernCherry
Joined: 7/31/2005
Msg: 76
virginity.....should it really be a big deal?Page 4 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
to some people looseing your virginity is very important to them.Cause most girls want to loose it to the perfect guy.Some girls want to go ahead and get it over with to see what its all about. If your a virgin wait and find a guy that you know wont hurt you and that cares about your feelings since your first time,let it be with someone you trust and care about.Dont just give it away to someone you hardly know or dont trust...You will prob end up hurt if you do it that way.
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 77
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 9/17/2006 10:39:44 AM

Another idea...if you area 40 yr old virgin who is in decent shape, go after a shy 19 year old virgin. lol might make more pleasurable...I dunno just a passing thought!


that is a great idea!!! passing thoughts are the best
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 78
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 9/23/2006 9:28:33 AM
dont know if this topic has been done to death just yet...... i give it about another 10 pages before we can say that
 Internetdatingpariah
Joined: 10/17/2004
Msg: 79
virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 9/24/2006 5:22:21 AM
Having not had sex for years I am now classified as a re-virgin.
If there are any women out there who would like to take advantage of that please contact me IMMEDIATELY!

TY
 Chrysostom
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 80
virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 9/24/2006 6:05:32 AM
i have bigger things to worry bout in life then loosing my virginity.


Bigger things maybe, but this obviously ranks up quite high or else why would you be posting about it and then responding on the thread so actively? If it's affecting your relations with the opposite sex and your self-image, then I have a tough time believing it's not a pretty serious source of concern to you.

My guess is that you're not being totally honest with yourself about this, and maybe you don't know how. This isn't a condemnation, I'm just trying to shed some light on the matter.
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 81
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 9/24/2006 9:52:02 AM
i do have bigger things to attend to in life...... i am posting about it and discussing about it because it is for the sake of having a discussion about it and wanting to see other's point of view on the matter. i am the type of person that i like to be very conversive and do not - repeat DO NOT have any reason to be affected with my relations with the opposite sex. it is a simple point of mind over matter, if it was a serious source of concern, then logically wouldn't i have done something about it by this point in life? i appreciate you trying to "shed light" on the matter, but much like the majority of society, do not base judgement on a person that you know absolutely nothing about. being honest with myself is the only way i live my life. if i cant be honest with myself, then how am i going to be honest with anyone else?

i honestly do not put much emphasis on the matter, whether you choose to believe me or not its your decision........matters not to me.
 Chrysostom
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 82
virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 9/24/2006 11:47:47 AM
Wow - you reacted pretty strongly to me there.


if it was a serious source of concern, then logically wouldn't i have done something about it by this point in life?


No. Logically, there is a rather serious psychoemotionally rooted cause for why it hasn't happened, because 27 years old is very unusual for a virgin unless you have religious or medical reasons for not having sex, reasons which so far you have not mentioned.


do not base judgement on a person that you know absolutely nothing about.


Look, pal. You came on here posting about a very private matter in your life, something that most people would call "airing your dirty laundry," and now you're retracting with the "you don't know the whole story" defense. If there's more to it, say so, otherwise we can only respond on the facts you've given.

if i cant be honest with myself, then how am i going to be honest with anyone else?

Exactly. And let's clarify terms for the sake of keeping this a productive conversation. Being "dishonest" is not the same as "not revealing the whole truth" (though there is overlap). What you're doing is hiding something which apparently is causing you a good deal of angst.

whether you choose to believe me or not its your decision........matters not to me.

No one starts discussion threads if what other people have to say truly doesn't matter to them unless they're absolutely psychotic, which you don't seem to be. Posts about your virginity don't occur spontaneously, nor does virginity at 27 years of age either. If there's something in your past or about yourself which you aren't revealing - and I'm not going to start speculating because it could be a whole variety of things - then you need to bring it to light or else we can't be of much use to you here. I'm not looking to give you a hard time, but I won't pretend to have answers for you either when important facts seem to be missing.
 prof48
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 83
virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 9/24/2006 3:10:50 PM
I think it makes a lot of difference when in life.
When I was young and a virgin it had some significance.
In my fifties, if we have mutual interest and they're still a virgin then either
1) they are too young
or
2) they are too frigid.

In reality it doesn't make much difference even when young except in the extremes. A playboy is always a playboy and should be avoided and a Nun should also be left to her devotionals.
 Huggablehottie
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 84
virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 10/5/2006 2:13:51 PM
BIGSLIM: You know being a virgin is a good thing. I like the reasons you
have for staying this way... you sound responsible, not like
some guys who would just use a woman for sex, get her pregnant,
give her an STD, and then on to his next victim!
I say, as long as someone is not scared or paranoid about sex, and
has a healthy outlook about it, you are on the right track.
I am sure when you are ready to have sex, you will know, and
you will do it with someone you really want.
As for our society, yes, I won't sugar coat it, people will make
fun out of you, especially the guys, if they find out you are
a virgin. I am sure you already knew that!
So, yes some people will make a big deal out of it.
It reminds me of junior high and high school when a lot of kids
were having sex just to do it, and then they would ask others
if they were virgins or not, some would lie and say they were not
virgins, because they felt they had to fit in.
 Huggablehottie
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 85
virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 10/5/2006 2:55:44 PM
Oh, by the way, there is no such thing as a born again virgin.
Some people say that jokingly when they have been celibate for
a long time.
Once you lose your virginity, you don't get it back.
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 86
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 10/6/2006 10:18:28 PM
oh man i havent posted in a while.... so here we go........ FIRST OFF!

to Chrysostom -

#1
No. Logically, there is a rather serious psychoemotionally rooted cause for why it hasn't happened, because 27 years old is very unusual for a virgin unless you have religious or medical reasons for not having sex, reasons which so far you have not mentioned.


when i commented on your response i never had any negative intentions... but come on "psychoemotionally rooted cause"........riiiight. after viewing your profile and seeing your other posts in other forums, you have told a few members that they should seek help on a professional level, not only is that cruel but unnecessary. and reasons i havent mentioned? what more of a reason do you need than its my choice?

#2
Look, pal. You came on here posting about a very private matter in your life, something that most people would call "airing your dirty laundry," and now you're retracting with the "you don't know the whole story" defense. If there's more to it, say so, otherwise we can only respond on the facts you've given.


people still use pal in this day and age? anyways, there isnt much to the story... ive chosen to focus on myself rather than focus on another person, which i have mentioned since page 1. and if im not mistaken, i said " do not base judgement on a person that you know absolutely nothing about." PERSON NOT STORY you know the story, its been there the entire time.

which brings me to my next point, people place judgement on others because its human nature, there is no escaping that. for example, i made a judgement that you could be a very smug individual and for someone who presents them in an intelligent manner doesnt seem to be very smart. but because i dont know you as an indivdual (as in person) i cant even make speculation and wouldnt be fair if i did... which i have not actually but i am sorry for reacting the way i did just cause its who i thought you could be. i know the difference of being dishonest and not telling the whole truth, its not complicated, frankly i have no reason to hide anything, which i havent.... if i wanted to put useless info like high school was a poor atmousphere which i didnt want to associate with people because they treated me like a social outcast, or i focused on my studies in college rather than chasing women i would have, but i just thought of it as boring conversation.

there are no mental problems, there is no fear of anything, opportunity has not come my way because i choose for it not to, nothing more to the story, the last thing i want is conflict, pointless in my view cause it gets people no where....... that is why there is its the answer to all problems lol

to Frank3006 - thank you for gracing my forum with your perspective on the subject, its always great to have input like that kudos to you my friend sounds like you and i share very similar experiences back from high school, unfortunate for us i know...... but he who laughs last laughs best!!!

and of course to Huggablehottie - thank you very much for the kind words someone who can give me recognition on my choices is someone that i can respect.. id always hoped it was considered responsible thinking but then again i may not know much lol thank you for input on the topic as well
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 87
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 10/13/2006 10:30:28 AM
hey Frank3006 you are putting in some great input into this topic... and of course everyone else

hey if anyone is interested in resurecting another old topic i made a while ago here is the forum link

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts4167792.aspx

another heated discussion it was, and can still be
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 88
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 10/15/2006 3:18:11 PM
now why cant more women in this day and age have that same mentality as you bubblypersonality007..... and i will agree with you, you are definately a special person
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 89
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 10/29/2006 3:21:49 PM
well.... chalk up another person who chooses not to talk to me cause im a virgin lol. man i swear, whats wrong with this society that we live in?
 NoMoreRegrets
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 90
virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 11/11/2006 9:09:34 PM
In the right relationship, it really shouldn't be. Sex certainly is an important factor, but if that's the only thing that it has going for it, then it's really not worth pursuing. In a way, it can serve as a fairly good barometer as to how successful the relationship will be, or at least weed out a lot of people that you probably don't wanna be wasting your time with anyway.

Mind you, if you meet someone who runs screaming or thinks any less of you just because it's one of the things that you haven't gotten around to experiencing, then it can be pretty crushing. The usual questions or suspicions will arise - what's wrong with you, are you a freak, etc.

Sure, I've been indoctrinated in the whole no-sex-before-marriage thing, having gone through the Catholic school system, but I'm well aware of how unrealistic it is, so I don't really advocate waiting for marriage, although it is a really romantic ideal. But, at the same time, no one wants to think, "What if?"

Sadly, it is a big deal. A person who is otherwise good looking, smart, has an interesting personality, is pleasant to be around, is generous and giving, doesn't have any serious disorders, but is somehow "broken" because they haven't broken the seal yet. I'd like to think that we'd all be capable of overlooking that when put in the situation, but I know that's not the case. It also appears that virginity is indicitive of other things, such as shyness, inexperience, and deep-rooted self-esteem issues. And the worst part is that it gets progressively harder as the years go on.

In this day and age of STDs and the like, it SHOULD be something that's valued. Plus, isn't it sorta romantic to know that the person you ended up with saved him/herself up just for you? But, reality tells us otherwise.

To sum, it shouldn't be a big deal. And to me, it's kind of welcome too. It'd be pretty cold hearted to shut someone out just because it's something they've never done, plus you'd be missing out on whatever else the person would have to offer.
 lizzy915
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 91
virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 11/12/2006 10:59:28 PM
I am proud too... I lost mine at 29 (yes, the age I am now; will be 30 next month). I've been on dates and met quite a few interesting people. I've never had a serious relationship or been in love until this year when I met someone online then later met in person. I am glad I waited and I look forward to spending the rest of my life with this person.
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 92
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 11/19/2006 11:17:38 PM
lol i always get a kick out of that line when people say "im a born again virgin"..... like that makes sense. its like having a bottle of pop, once you open the bottle the best part of the drink is so carbonated and goes down the best compared to the rest of the bottle. sure you can reseal the cap and continue on drinking....... heck you can refill the bottle and continue on using it as many times as you want, but it wont be like that first sip.... ever! you cant get it back once the seal has been broken.
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 93
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 11/20/2006 10:52:03 AM
ok then my bad.... i was tryin to use the seal of the bottle as my example, but failed in my efforts lol.
 jpneok
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 94
virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 2/2/2007 2:44:25 AM
Wow, those multi-post bits of wisdom above from dbz ... they strike me as... well I guess the point of this isn't to say how someone else's advice appears to me, but I would like to take issue with, oh, about 90% of it and wish people like this would be a little more thoughtful in their responses, rather than suggest people who don't have sex are going to either commit suicide or rape someone.
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 95
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 2/17/2007 1:43:03 PM
oh wow... my thread got active again? lol i need to pay more attention
 iamasiam
Joined: 2/16/2007
Msg: 96
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 2/22/2007 7:48:28 AM
So as people are we that pathetic to judge a persons personality, character and well being on whether they have had sex of not?
Or does is that only in certain parts of the world?
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 97
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 5/27/2007 8:22:26 AM
I know loads of women who think it is a problem. They all want to sleep with lots of guys, or are looking for a boyfriend.
However, all the older women and women in stable relationships that I have told, seem to think it is a good thing.

I think virginity is to relationships is like what inexperience is to a job.
There are a significant number of employers who want inexperience employees, mainly because they want to train the employee to their ways of working. But only companies that have a desire to keep an employee for a long time want to make that investment.
Most employers with a high turnover do not want inexperienced employees. They say it is because they do not see why they should train them. But they don't keep their employees that long anyway.

Also, Kinsey said that the the duration of a relationship is less with each new partner.
So the longest relationships are virgins with virgins.

Also, I have a few friends who were virgins when they married and their partner was not. My friends (the virgins) NEVER look at another bloke, or never give the game away.
But I ALWAYS catch the partners (non-virgins) looking at other women.
It seems to be that the more experience you have, the more you want to play around.

Simple answer:
Most men and women who are looking for the "perfect" relationship, one with love, romance, and will last a long time, prefer a virgin.
Those who want a quick fling and a bad boy/bad girl, don't want a virgin.

It really is quite simple.

The main problem is that there are loads of people who say they want love, but the majority of men and women are going for sex with jerks.

Also, I've just thought: if sex is so great, and love is so hard to find, why doesn't every non-virgin in the world join a Sex Contact site? There are loads of sites devoted to hook-ups, and intimate encounters. The answer is obvious: Everyone wants to have sex, but no-one wants sex for sex, they want someone who wants love, but ends up with sex.

The most desirable people of all tend to be people who have had enough partners that you don't feel guilty if it doesn't work out, but not enough that you think that they will leave you for someone else, or will use you.

So, most people having sex are jerks (males & females), and the rest are in relationships.


Those who matter don't mind, those who mind don't matter.
Excellent quote, awesome_teacher.

Also, look up http://www.cancerhelp.org.uk/help/default.asp?page=2755.
HPV is an STD. It is the major cause of Cervical Cancer. It is estimated that almost EVERYONE WHO EVER HAD SEX has it. The doctors don't believe that it is curable.
As a result, the governments of the USA and the UK are considering vaccinating every female baby they can, in order to stop the spread of HPV throughout the younger generations of women. But our generation is a write-off.

I know this post is disjointed. It's just that I am in conflict with the fact that I am one. But then, isn't everybody? Lol.
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 98
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 6/26/2007 9:49:45 AM
that was a hell of a post thank you scorpiomover
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 99
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 2/18/2008 8:13:51 PM
you cant believe the post has been going for a year? i cant believe it just got active again LOL

and kudos to yourself for staying pure still and its great to see someone else with the same track of mind as myself.... i guess great minds do think alike.

i thank you for responding back to this topic, i found the others not to be as in depth as this one... but then again there arent many to begin with lol
 LHsmallfry722
Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 100
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 2/19/2008 7:09:09 AM
I too am a 24 year old PROUD virgin! For a long time I felt like the only one but it wasn't until I went to college that I found so many like minded people who were not looking to leap into the sheets. I can't imagine what it is like to have multiple partners, to have it be "no big deal" as people say. I would be lying if I said I never thought about what it would be like to have sex, but I'm not looking to rush into it either. There are a LOT of factors that need to be worked out before I give myself to someone Love being a major one, commitment, ect.

To all the virgins out there... KEEP IT UP and follow your heart! Don't be pressured by others, mislead to think you are some type of "freak." Stand strong, be proud.
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