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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > virginity.....should it really be a big deal?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Chrysostom
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 82
virginity.....should it really be a big deal?Page 5 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
Wow - you reacted pretty strongly to me there.


if it was a serious source of concern, then logically wouldn't i have done something about it by this point in life?


No. Logically, there is a rather serious psychoemotionally rooted cause for why it hasn't happened, because 27 years old is very unusual for a virgin unless you have religious or medical reasons for not having sex, reasons which so far you have not mentioned.


do not base judgement on a person that you know absolutely nothing about.


Look, pal. You came on here posting about a very private matter in your life, something that most people would call "airing your dirty laundry," and now you're retracting with the "you don't know the whole story" defense. If there's more to it, say so, otherwise we can only respond on the facts you've given.

if i cant be honest with myself, then how am i going to be honest with anyone else?

Exactly. And let's clarify terms for the sake of keeping this a productive conversation. Being "dishonest" is not the same as "not revealing the whole truth" (though there is overlap). What you're doing is hiding something which apparently is causing you a good deal of angst.

whether you choose to believe me or not its your decision........matters not to me.

No one starts discussion threads if what other people have to say truly doesn't matter to them unless they're absolutely psychotic, which you don't seem to be. Posts about your virginity don't occur spontaneously, nor does virginity at 27 years of age either. If there's something in your past or about yourself which you aren't revealing - and I'm not going to start speculating because it could be a whole variety of things - then you need to bring it to light or else we can't be of much use to you here. I'm not looking to give you a hard time, but I won't pretend to have answers for you either when important facts seem to be missing.
 prof48
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 83
virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 9/24/2006 3:10:50 PM
I think it makes a lot of difference when in life.
When I was young and a virgin it had some significance.
In my fifties, if we have mutual interest and they're still a virgin then either
1) they are too young
or
2) they are too frigid.

In reality it doesn't make much difference even when young except in the extremes. A playboy is always a playboy and should be avoided and a Nun should also be left to her devotionals.
 Huggablehottie
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 84
virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 10/5/2006 2:13:51 PM
BIGSLIM: You know being a virgin is a good thing. I like the reasons you
have for staying this way... you sound responsible, not like
some guys who would just use a woman for sex, get her pregnant,
give her an STD, and then on to his next victim!
I say, as long as someone is not scared or paranoid about sex, and
has a healthy outlook about it, you are on the right track.
I am sure when you are ready to have sex, you will know, and
you will do it with someone you really want.
As for our society, yes, I won't sugar coat it, people will make
fun out of you, especially the guys, if they find out you are
a virgin. I am sure you already knew that!
So, yes some people will make a big deal out of it.
It reminds me of junior high and high school when a lot of kids
were having sex just to do it, and then they would ask others
if they were virgins or not, some would lie and say they were not
virgins, because they felt they had to fit in.
 Huggablehottie
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 85
virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 10/5/2006 2:55:44 PM
Oh, by the way, there is no such thing as a born again virgin.
Some people say that jokingly when they have been celibate for
a long time.
Once you lose your virginity, you don't get it back.
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 86
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 10/6/2006 10:18:28 PM
oh man i havent posted in a while.... so here we go........ FIRST OFF!

to Chrysostom -

#1
No. Logically, there is a rather serious psychoemotionally rooted cause for why it hasn't happened, because 27 years old is very unusual for a virgin unless you have religious or medical reasons for not having sex, reasons which so far you have not mentioned.


when i commented on your response i never had any negative intentions... but come on "psychoemotionally rooted cause"........riiiight. after viewing your profile and seeing your other posts in other forums, you have told a few members that they should seek help on a professional level, not only is that cruel but unnecessary. and reasons i havent mentioned? what more of a reason do you need than its my choice?

#2
Look, pal. You came on here posting about a very private matter in your life, something that most people would call "airing your dirty laundry," and now you're retracting with the "you don't know the whole story" defense. If there's more to it, say so, otherwise we can only respond on the facts you've given.


people still use pal in this day and age? anyways, there isnt much to the story... ive chosen to focus on myself rather than focus on another person, which i have mentioned since page 1. and if im not mistaken, i said " do not base judgement on a person that you know absolutely nothing about." PERSON NOT STORY you know the story, its been there the entire time.

which brings me to my next point, people place judgement on others because its human nature, there is no escaping that. for example, i made a judgement that you could be a very smug individual and for someone who presents them in an intelligent manner doesnt seem to be very smart. but because i dont know you as an indivdual (as in person) i cant even make speculation and wouldnt be fair if i did... which i have not actually but i am sorry for reacting the way i did just cause its who i thought you could be. i know the difference of being dishonest and not telling the whole truth, its not complicated, frankly i have no reason to hide anything, which i havent.... if i wanted to put useless info like high school was a poor atmousphere which i didnt want to associate with people because they treated me like a social outcast, or i focused on my studies in college rather than chasing women i would have, but i just thought of it as boring conversation.

there are no mental problems, there is no fear of anything, opportunity has not come my way because i choose for it not to, nothing more to the story, the last thing i want is conflict, pointless in my view cause it gets people no where....... that is why there is its the answer to all problems lol

to Frank3006 - thank you for gracing my forum with your perspective on the subject, its always great to have input like that kudos to you my friend sounds like you and i share very similar experiences back from high school, unfortunate for us i know...... but he who laughs last laughs best!!!

and of course to Huggablehottie - thank you very much for the kind words someone who can give me recognition on my choices is someone that i can respect.. id always hoped it was considered responsible thinking but then again i may not know much lol thank you for input on the topic as well
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 87
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 10/13/2006 10:30:28 AM
hey Frank3006 you are putting in some great input into this topic... and of course everyone else

hey if anyone is interested in resurecting another old topic i made a while ago here is the forum link

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts4167792.aspx

another heated discussion it was, and can still be
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 88
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 10/15/2006 3:18:11 PM
now why cant more women in this day and age have that same mentality as you bubblypersonality007..... and i will agree with you, you are definately a special person
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 89
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 10/29/2006 3:21:49 PM
well.... chalk up another person who chooses not to talk to me cause im a virgin lol. man i swear, whats wrong with this society that we live in?
 NoMoreRegrets
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 90
virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 11/11/2006 9:09:34 PM
In the right relationship, it really shouldn't be. Sex certainly is an important factor, but if that's the only thing that it has going for it, then it's really not worth pursuing. In a way, it can serve as a fairly good barometer as to how successful the relationship will be, or at least weed out a lot of people that you probably don't wanna be wasting your time with anyway.

Mind you, if you meet someone who runs screaming or thinks any less of you just because it's one of the things that you haven't gotten around to experiencing, then it can be pretty crushing. The usual questions or suspicions will arise - what's wrong with you, are you a freak, etc.

Sure, I've been indoctrinated in the whole no-sex-before-marriage thing, having gone through the Catholic school system, but I'm well aware of how unrealistic it is, so I don't really advocate waiting for marriage, although it is a really romantic ideal. But, at the same time, no one wants to think, "What if?"

Sadly, it is a big deal. A person who is otherwise good looking, smart, has an interesting personality, is pleasant to be around, is generous and giving, doesn't have any serious disorders, but is somehow "broken" because they haven't broken the seal yet. I'd like to think that we'd all be capable of overlooking that when put in the situation, but I know that's not the case. It also appears that virginity is indicitive of other things, such as shyness, inexperience, and deep-rooted self-esteem issues. And the worst part is that it gets progressively harder as the years go on.

In this day and age of STDs and the like, it SHOULD be something that's valued. Plus, isn't it sorta romantic to know that the person you ended up with saved him/herself up just for you? But, reality tells us otherwise.

To sum, it shouldn't be a big deal. And to me, it's kind of welcome too. It'd be pretty cold hearted to shut someone out just because it's something they've never done, plus you'd be missing out on whatever else the person would have to offer.
 lizzy915
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 91
virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 11/12/2006 10:59:28 PM
I am proud too... I lost mine at 29 (yes, the age I am now; will be 30 next month). I've been on dates and met quite a few interesting people. I've never had a serious relationship or been in love until this year when I met someone online then later met in person. I am glad I waited and I look forward to spending the rest of my life with this person.
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 92
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 11/19/2006 11:17:38 PM
lol i always get a kick out of that line when people say "im a born again virgin"..... like that makes sense. its like having a bottle of pop, once you open the bottle the best part of the drink is so carbonated and goes down the best compared to the rest of the bottle. sure you can reseal the cap and continue on drinking....... heck you can refill the bottle and continue on using it as many times as you want, but it wont be like that first sip.... ever! you cant get it back once the seal has been broken.
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 93
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 11/20/2006 10:52:03 AM
ok then my bad.... i was tryin to use the seal of the bottle as my example, but failed in my efforts lol.
 jpneok
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 94
virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 2/2/2007 2:44:25 AM
Wow, those multi-post bits of wisdom above from dbz ... they strike me as... well I guess the point of this isn't to say how someone else's advice appears to me, but I would like to take issue with, oh, about 90% of it and wish people like this would be a little more thoughtful in their responses, rather than suggest people who don't have sex are going to either commit suicide or rape someone.
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 95
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 2/17/2007 1:43:03 PM
oh wow... my thread got active again? lol i need to pay more attention
 iamasiam
Joined: 2/16/2007
Msg: 96
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 2/22/2007 7:48:28 AM
So as people are we that pathetic to judge a persons personality, character and well being on whether they have had sex of not?
Or does is that only in certain parts of the world?
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 97
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 5/27/2007 8:22:26 AM
I know loads of women who think it is a problem. They all want to sleep with lots of guys, or are looking for a boyfriend.
However, all the older women and women in stable relationships that I have told, seem to think it is a good thing.

I think virginity is to relationships is like what inexperience is to a job.
There are a significant number of employers who want inexperience employees, mainly because they want to train the employee to their ways of working. But only companies that have a desire to keep an employee for a long time want to make that investment.
Most employers with a high turnover do not want inexperienced employees. They say it is because they do not see why they should train them. But they don't keep their employees that long anyway.

Also, Kinsey said that the the duration of a relationship is less with each new partner.
So the longest relationships are virgins with virgins.

Also, I have a few friends who were virgins when they married and their partner was not. My friends (the virgins) NEVER look at another bloke, or never give the game away.
But I ALWAYS catch the partners (non-virgins) looking at other women.
It seems to be that the more experience you have, the more you want to play around.

Simple answer:
Most men and women who are looking for the "perfect" relationship, one with love, romance, and will last a long time, prefer a virgin.
Those who want a quick fling and a bad boy/bad girl, don't want a virgin.

It really is quite simple.

The main problem is that there are loads of people who say they want love, but the majority of men and women are going for sex with jerks.

Also, I've just thought: if sex is so great, and love is so hard to find, why doesn't every non-virgin in the world join a Sex Contact site? There are loads of sites devoted to hook-ups, and intimate encounters. The answer is obvious: Everyone wants to have sex, but no-one wants sex for sex, they want someone who wants love, but ends up with sex.

The most desirable people of all tend to be people who have had enough partners that you don't feel guilty if it doesn't work out, but not enough that you think that they will leave you for someone else, or will use you.

So, most people having sex are jerks (males & females), and the rest are in relationships.


Those who matter don't mind, those who mind don't matter.
Excellent quote, awesome_teacher.

Also, look up http://www.cancerhelp.org.uk/help/default.asp?page=2755.
HPV is an STD. It is the major cause of Cervical Cancer. It is estimated that almost EVERYONE WHO EVER HAD SEX has it. The doctors don't believe that it is curable.
As a result, the governments of the USA and the UK are considering vaccinating every female baby they can, in order to stop the spread of HPV throughout the younger generations of women. But our generation is a write-off.

I know this post is disjointed. It's just that I am in conflict with the fact that I am one. But then, isn't everybody? Lol.
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 98
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 6/26/2007 9:49:45 AM
that was a hell of a post thank you scorpiomover
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 99
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 2/18/2008 8:13:51 PM
you cant believe the post has been going for a year? i cant believe it just got active again LOL

and kudos to yourself for staying pure still and its great to see someone else with the same track of mind as myself.... i guess great minds do think alike.

i thank you for responding back to this topic, i found the others not to be as in depth as this one... but then again there arent many to begin with lol
 LHsmallfry722
Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 100
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 2/19/2008 7:09:09 AM
I too am a 24 year old PROUD virgin! For a long time I felt like the only one but it wasn't until I went to college that I found so many like minded people who were not looking to leap into the sheets. I can't imagine what it is like to have multiple partners, to have it be "no big deal" as people say. I would be lying if I said I never thought about what it would be like to have sex, but I'm not looking to rush into it either. There are a LOT of factors that need to be worked out before I give myself to someone Love being a major one, commitment, ect.

To all the virgins out there... KEEP IT UP and follow your heart! Don't be pressured by others, mislead to think you are some type of "freak." Stand strong, be proud.
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 101
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 2/21/2008 2:10:24 PM
LHsmallfry722 - glad to hear your point of view on the subject and kudos to still being pure i have to agree with you when being said "I would be lying if I said I never thought about what it would be like to have sex, but I'm not looking to rush into it either." as the old saying goes ... patience is a virtue .... fortunately for me i have a lot more than i need, but i will be happy if i can get to a point where there wont be a movie made about me

AlexisTaylor - this is my theory of why it was great sex (and please feel to correct me if i am wrong) in an answer of 2 simple words..... sexual repression logically this is the primary reason i can think of and i am basing this on my one best friend that i have. he lost it a couple of years ago at the age of 29 to his girlfriend.... needless to say i got details from him over a drink one day, so i wouldnt be too surprised if that could be a reason.

then again i have another friend of mine who lost it last oct and she just turned 28 in dec..... in her words to me "i waited all those years for that?" oh man what am i in for when it does happen
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 102
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 3/1/2008 7:29:40 AM
probably a good strategy to make him wait, seeing that those thoughts are usually running through their mind anyways. its unfortunately true (just from my own observations) some guys just cant achieve that level of faithfulness.... i wish you the best of luck in your search to finding someone worthy
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 103
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 3/26/2008 11:30:45 AM
yeah i guess being in love can probably make or break the experience that much more..... and of course those "physical" aspects will always play their parts too .... this an appropriate time for saying someone can be really "screwed"? haha

and point taken.... you informed lol
 NorseViking869
Joined: 3/23/2006
Msg: 104
virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 3/26/2008 11:42:27 AM
Morals aside, I think that anyone saving themselves for marriage to the"right person", is holding to a conviction that in their heart and mind is true;however, you aren't going to know what thee world has to offer with out experiencing things first. it is a double edged sword. On one side , you have this hope that you are special and that saving yourself will somehow make you have a perfect marriage, and know the right partner;however, despite the power of love, how are you going to know what to do in bed?

On the other side, you have the experience of the world, and the abillity to learn to be the best at such a wonderful leisure activity:however, you cna get labled a slut or a player. Rather unfairly I might add sometimes, sometimes rather fairly if your activities impune upon other relationships.

The choice is yours if you want to hold on for dear life to your virginity(or date a virgin) or give up your virginity( or deflower one). I wont judge you, but I am sure the moral police will.
 NorseViking869
Joined: 3/23/2006
Msg: 105
virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 3/26/2008 2:14:51 PM

Duhhhhh i wonder what goes where lmfao!!Oh come on it's instinct . You learn together how to please each other. You would have to do this with a new partner anyway . Not everybody will like the same things just like anything else in life.


You know for once I actually agree with you. I will say though I did lose my virginity to my high school sweetheart who was also a virgin. The first time was very awkward and we both wished the other "had experience". You do how ever make a valid point and I find no other fault with it. Like I said before I actully like people that hold to there convictions even when they differ from mine.
 thebigslim
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 106
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virginity.....should it really be a big deal?
Posted: 10/22/2008 2:00:27 PM
I figured since I started this thread a long time ago.... I might as well make a final statement on the issue for I have found that one actual 'answer' I was looking for. I am now currently with a great girl I met off of on here (thank you POF) and contrary to belief..... 'NO' it shouldn't really be a big deal.

Since this is both our first relationship, I guess we dont really have any expectations on what we want sexually..... but those options are definitely being explored on what we like and dont like.

She knows I am still one but she accepts it and didn't really care if I was one or not..... even though in the back of my mind (and the fact that she told me she loves sex) still just slightly nervous about the act cause lets face it, as a guy you worry about your performance on how to please your woman.

I have lucked out that we have that emotional connection and she doesn't care about how big I am or how I can do whatever....she is with me for how I make her feel and what I have to offer as a person for a successful relationship. Not to say I am not making up for lost time from all the years of remaining 'pure' (and TRUST me, I am) we are both very content with how things are progressing both sexually and non-sexually and honestly... it was worth the wait.

To my fellow virgins who contributed to this thread and who remain out there, keep your hopes high and have no expectations on when that special someone comes into your life.... for I had almost given up with the whole net dating scene and about to say damn it all to hell. You will find that right person and realize as long as there is that true 'connection', everything will fall into place the way it was supposed to.

To those who may seem a little skeptical on the whole issue of virginity.... well if you give the person that 'opportunity', something tells me they wont have to worry bout being a virgin now will they

Regardless of me being in a relationship or not, it really shouldn't be a big deal if someone is a virgin... then again, I am just speaking for myself. Cheers!
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