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 AUTHOR
 sayonara7
Joined: 3/13/2006
Msg: 101
Living together before marriage a bad idea?Page 5 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
I don't believe in pre-marital sex, but I'm not against those who do.Everyone has their right to act the way they do.But for me, I just can't see myself sharing everything.....mind,body,soul with more than one man , and if such person is there then that would be my husband if I marry or if not, then never.This is not a religious thing, it's the way I think,and I don't/won't compromise with my values ever.


But instead of arguing with each other, just respect their views and move on.Oh but that wouldn't be fun ,would it, I love this silly arguments on these forums.Keep going people!
 sanctified64
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 102
Living together before marriage a bad idea?
Posted: 4/11/2006 7:55:54 PM
....thats what we're here for!!! hehehe
 PourSugarOnMe
Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 103
Living together before marriage a bad idea?
Posted: 4/11/2006 9:16:18 PM
^^ Can we get an AMEN!



~Pour
 oceanpearl202
Joined: 9/21/2005
Msg: 104
Living together before marriage a bad idea?
Posted: 4/11/2006 9:26:22 PM

No, marriage = bad idea.


Not everybody shares that view. Marriage is becoming an outdated concept in the eyes of many people.

People can commit to one another in many other ways these days.. ie.. an expensive ring..lol.

I'm not knocking your values, but not everybody feels the need to sign up for everything that marriage implies and causes.

OP
 dceeeee
Joined: 1/31/2006
Msg: 105
Living together before marriage a bad idea?
Posted: 4/11/2006 10:38:39 PM
There are so many good points brought up in here…..


I did marry as a virgin ... he was so bad in bed I really felt like I was missing out....

I don’t understand this….if you were a virgin, how did you KNOW he was bad in bed? I was a virgin with my husband, too. I couldn’t have told you at that time if he was good or bad in bed…or even if he was small or large in size, (length or girth)….as a virgin, I had nothing to COMPARE it to….you know if you LIKED it or not, but not whether it was HIS TECHNIQUE, or just SEX itself.

Dave, msg 90 is a very good post…I totally agree…and msg 98 got even better….I LOVE how you think!!!


Now here's the kicker: if a couple gets married without living together, neither of them have gotten used to a different standard of treatment from the other person, so there's no problem. Conversely, if you live together and never get married, you never experience anything other than THAT standard of treatment. If, on the other hand, you live together and get used to being treated a certain way, THEN get married, and the treatment changes on a subtle level, you're unhappy and you don't know why. You just know that it used to be different (usually better).

So the answer isn't not to live together; it's to pick one or the other and stick to it. Just don't change up in the middle!

I think you hit the nail on the head!!!

sanctified64, msg104, I agree with you that this womens lib stuff ruined the family unit. Things were much better the old way for most….but in the other hand, not everyone’s life turns out as planned.

Here’s my life as an example. I married my High School sweetheart, with mutual plans of a large family, which was my lifelong dream. He was drafted, then KIA in Vietnam….there went that dream.

A couple of years later, I get married again, again we discussed my dream of a family. He didn’t share the dream of a ‘large’ family, but DID want kids after two years of living childless and enjoying life without responsibilities first. After 5 years, he had changed his mind. Had we been living together, I probably would’ve left after he bailed out on the mutually discussed plans after 2 years…instead I hung on, and didn’t get a divorce until after I got close to 30 years old. (At that time, 30 was the cut off age for a ‘first’ child.) We shocked all our friends because we got along so good….did everything together…rarely fought….but that was a BIG BREACH OF PROMISE to me.

I swore I would never be ‘tricked’ like that again. Seeing as how that was 30 years ago, by the judgments on here, I should have been celibate the rest of my life??? Sorry, I disagree….life is for LIVING. I'm not one for ‘sex without a relationship’ either, so I had some LTR’s.

My opinion? Living together is no good, if you WANT marriage, and kids…especially when you are still young. After kids are no longer an option, it’s just a matter of the couple’s personal preference, whether to get married, have a live-in relationship, or a live apart relationship.



It seems the whole da m n world is afraid of commitment!!! and marriage has even become taboo!!! ...and evryone is living in selfishness , only caring for their own interests?

Again, I say “Judge not, until you have walked a mile in their mocassins!”

~DC~
 sunsetstormx
Joined: 1/20/2006
Msg: 106
Living together before marriage a bad idea?
Posted: 4/11/2006 11:14:17 PM
The only differnce between living together and getting married is that when you get married you are confirming in front of God, if you get married in a church, and witness that you want to spend the rest of your lives together. You then give each other a ring to indicate to others that your are in LTR.

The only reason you do it after living together for a few years is to ensure your partner that you aren't going to bail anytime soon.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~------------------~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I just had to laugh when I read this.......Like God is only in church.... He's everywhere witnessing everything we do all the time. People can get married anywhere and He is there witnessing it. Whether you invited Him or not. (well of course you may not believe in Him but that's another topic huh...) God is the one who ordained marriage in the first place. Man is the one who made all the traditions that surround it. Who's to say you can't get married out in the woods?? Jeepers....The original idea here was for one man and one woman to be committed to one another for the rest of their lives but well that went out the window only because of selfishness.
 sanctified64
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 107
Living together before marriage a bad idea?
Posted: 4/12/2006 5:51:14 AM
Amen to the responses......I got married on a beach in Barbados, so agree that God is everywhere!

10 yrs later i bailed cos he was abusive...... but it doesnt turn me off the marriage idea just cos i had one bad experience!!

Marriage is supposed to be the "fairy tale dream" ......im still holding out for that one ! lol lmao

my opinions are " just that"!!! "My OPINIONS"!!!.... so not judging anyone else for what they choose, but for me id rather hold out for the " ever elusive fairy tale" than accept the way society has gone!!!..............i mean after all ..... i only need to find "ONE" special male that holds my views !!!

If everyone else wants to screw to their hearts content....so be it

the dream: ....One male , believes in true love, fairy tales , and happily ever after , respectful , not lustful , willing to wait and cherish and honour, ...AND THEN.... once ring is on the finger ......OH BOY !!! Let me at him, come on baby!!! ...did i mention 3 yrs of being celibate was making me desperately horny! hehehehehehehe
 catman40
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 108
Living together before marriage a bad idea?
Posted: 4/12/2006 6:00:32 AM
I would want to live a woman before getting married . this way we can see IF , we like each other . can she cook ? Most of teh woman I have met can't cook . gettinga married is "just " a peice of paper . after your married . then To get out costs money . So I say live together .
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 109
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Living together before marriage a bad idea?
Posted: 4/12/2006 6:14:30 AM

(Msg 104) Oh Dave... r u speaking for God ? lol (Gods way?)


Sure, just like the millions of other people who claim they know what God wants.

Go forth and multiply. Cleave to your mate.......nobody has to tell me twice.
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 110
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Living together before marriage a bad idea?
Posted: 4/12/2006 6:23:00 AM

(Msg 111) Dave, msg 90 is a very good post…I totally agree…and msg 98 got even better….I LOVE how you think!!!


Thanks, Dceeeee. Nice to know there are still people who value sex.

I recall in the early 80s I had a female supervisor. We were discussing current events and she said with all the talk about AIDS and sex killing people the next generation would be affected. I think she made a good point.

So many people think sex is something dirty. I almost feel sorry for them.
 TedJMill
Joined: 7/6/2005
Msg: 111
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Living together before marriage a bad idea?
Posted: 4/12/2006 7:02:54 AM
Husbands and wives live together. Families live together. Everything else within the context of this thread is shacking up. Shacking up is nothing but free sex with absolutely no commitment. As Dr. Laura says, heck if you are going to shack up, why don't you charge for the sex that you are giving? Why give it for free? After all, w h o r e s charge for that.


Even if you're married, you shouldn't have sex either. If it's a REAL marriage, it should be based on love, not on all that disgusting sex stuff. After all, sex is the kind of thing that whores do, right? Heck, if you're going to let one person do that kind of filthy stuff to you, you might as well letting every stranger who wants to do so as well, and make some money from it.

Now, I'm not seriously arguing that, although I myself am rather asexual, and would only be interested in a platonic, sex-free marriage. But I think it makes as much, or as little, sense as the passage quoted. Taking all sex outside Dr. Laura's narrow view of when she'd personally think sex is acceptable, and equating that with prostitution, is just like me equating all sex with prostitution just because I personally am not interested in sex.

I know that my personal preferences are different from that of many people, and I wouldn't expect them to follow mine, or seriously criticize them when don't. Someone like Dr. Laura, on the other hand, ...
 matamis
Joined: 3/19/2005
Msg: 112
Living together before marriage a bad idea?
Posted: 4/12/2006 7:47:13 AM
HEY " JUST CATS;
I couldn't have said it better myself and At the risk of sounding politically incorrect,
not only r u pretty but smart huh?
 Blueberry
Joined: 5/14/2005
Msg: 113
Living together before marriage a bad idea?
Posted: 4/12/2006 8:43:03 AM

So many people think sex is something dirty. I almost feel sorry for them.
I do feel sorry for them. That is a shame. Sex is a gift from God, not something to be ashamed of or disgusted by.

I also feel sorry for people who consider sex to be the most important issue when considering marriage. Sex is important, but in the grand scheme of things, it is a very small part of what makes for a solid, real marriage. I think many marriages do fail these days because people get into them for the wrong reasons in the first place (like putting way too much emphasis on the sex, for instance). I value communication, love, kindness, respect, compassion, etc. way above sex when considering who I will marry.

Dave, let me present this scenario to you and see what you think. You meet the woman of your dreams. The sex is fantastic - best you've ever had. You fall in love, move in together, and things are incredible. You plan to marry her. But just before the wedding day, she is in a terrible accident, and can will never be able to have sex again. What now? Do you leave her? Or do you marry her anyway? And if you do marry her, do you seek sex elsewhere? And let's reverse the roles now. You're the one in the accident and can no longer have sex. Should she leave you? Should you even consider marriage ever now that you know you can't have sex?

I agree with the previous posts that there is no need to argue about this. We all have different points of view that we should be able to share openly without cutting each other down for it.

What we do know is that more and more people are living together before they get married, and that divorce rates are going up. I'm not saying that one is the cause of the other. But I am suggesting that, although it may seem like common sense to live together first, it is not effectively creating stronger, longer lasting marriages. Maybe it's not the "perfect answer" that some seem to think it is. So for those who choose not to live together first, I really don't see why they should be judged for this. It's not an issue of "common sense" whether or not to live together or first, it's a matter of preference.
 kr8ztwin
Joined: 7/29/2004
Msg: 114
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Living together before marriage a bad idea?
Posted: 4/12/2006 8:45:54 AM
shes right....as quoted by "american wedding".... the longer a marriage lasts, the longer you can go without sex. so we all know marriage and sex are not unilateral so....hrm. well that just sucks. I don't wanna get married now
 MyKidsDadIAm
Joined: 8/10/2005
Msg: 115
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Living together before marriage a bad idea?
Posted: 4/12/2006 10:04:38 AM

Sex is important, but in the grand scheme of things, it is a very small part of what makes for a solid, real marriage
When sex is good in a marriage, it is 10%-20% of the problems/issues. When sex is bad in a marriage, it is 80%-90% of the problems/issues.
 supper
Joined: 12/8/2005
Msg: 116
Living together before marriage a bad idea?
Posted: 4/12/2006 10:12:31 AM
YamIhere- Hmmm interesting... I have only ever heard stats supporting the idea of living together before marriage! (ie. Those who live together before marriage have a much lower divorce rate)
 kr8ztwin
Joined: 7/29/2004
Msg: 117
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Living together before marriage a bad idea?
Posted: 4/12/2006 10:38:33 AM
I say if you start dating...day 1 have sex and before you hit 2 weeks, pack up everything and move in together. This will cover all the bases to make sure you don't waste all your time in the long run
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 118
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Living together before marriage a bad idea?
Posted: 4/12/2006 10:47:52 AM

marriage = bad idea.

Very wise
 PourSugarOnMe
Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 119
Living together before marriage a bad idea?
Posted: 4/12/2006 11:07:55 AM
^^ Yes!

That's what I meant to say earlier...and from reading some of the posts...if I have to get married again just to have sex.. .. well then I guess it's a trip to the local Adult Gift Store!!



~Pour
 Al_Bear
Joined: 2/12/2006
Msg: 120
Living together before marriage a bad idea?
Posted: 4/12/2006 11:10:35 AM
Supper,
Those stats are provided by guys who just wants a girl to move in with him so he won't have to marry her.
 thatgirl_next_door
Joined: 10/22/2005
Msg: 121
Living together before marriage a bad idea?
Posted: 4/12/2006 12:07:45 PM
Having been married and NOT lived together ahead of time... I would much rather "live in sin" and spend time extra time and effort making sure that I'm marrying a man I have no questions about rather than jumping into the great unknown and finding out that I married a man who expects me to be his mother and pick up after him once we live together! C'mon people... you test drive a car before you buy it and cars are generally a 5-10 year, less than 50k investment... don't you want to check out your mate before you make an even BIGGER investment?
 Al_Bear
Joined: 2/12/2006
Msg: 122
Living together before marriage a bad idea?
Posted: 4/12/2006 12:27:41 PM
^^^
Using that logic. Lets just get together and have sex. Don't care if you're the great women on earth if the sex is no good I'm out of there.
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 123
Living together before marriage a bad idea?
Posted: 4/12/2006 12:36:15 PM
by spending extended time living with someone you could learn aspects of someone's general disposition that you wouldn't know otherwise. saying you know everything about someone before getting married is hogwash.

i knew my X was ultra-neat, but i never would have thought that she would start senseless insane fights with me because i had moved the tv guide from one side of the coffee table to the other, or for leaving the remote on top of the coffee table instead of in the coffee table drawer. how are you supposed to anticipate that BS?

sexual issues are a completely different matter. linking sex and cohabitation issues into one morality argument is weak.
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 124
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Living together before marriage a bad idea?
Posted: 4/12/2006 1:04:21 PM

(Msg 118) Taking all sex outside Dr. Laura's narrow view of when she'd personally think sex is acceptable, and equating that with prostitution, is just like me equating all sex with prostitution just because I personally am not interested in sex.


Good post, TedJMill. When I hear people quoting Dr. Laura I always suggest they do a little research. Not to be judgemental but Dr. Laura is the last woman to talk about sex and morality. She was far, far from "pure" in her younger days. The only thing that changed is her legs are closed and her mouth has opened.
 thatgirl_next_door
Joined: 10/22/2005
Msg: 125
Living together before marriage a bad idea?
Posted: 4/12/2006 1:09:57 PM

Using that logic. Lets just get together and have sex. Don't care if you're the great women on earth if the sex is no good I'm out of there.


Uhm... never said I was quick and easy... just said that I wanted to know more about the man and how we handle our relationship before marrying again. I don't care to go through divorce ever again, personally. It's a crude analogy, I'll admit it, but it gets the point across. If the sexual side of the relationship is the most important to you... wow... you're missin out on some good stuff, Al...
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