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 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 126
Dating while unemployed?Page 6 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
^^^^again IceCream- just because someone is unemployed, that does not mean that person has no money or no valuable means of support.

I've known folks in their 30s become unemployed and have half a million in the bank.

so go ahead and have a simple mindset about things and set your criteria as you wish, that is your perogative.

just know that you could be missing out on something good, possibly great because of a simple mindset.

if you have been fortunate not to have been affected by the economy and have managed to keep your job- that is good for you.

go ahead and look down on others who have not been so fortunate as you to have kept their jobs in these trying economic times.


couples can't "exist" just sitting at home everynight eating Ramen Noodles and watching TV


again, a narrow mindset. I am quite certain there are couples all over this world who exist quite happily on ramen noodles each night and no TV set to watch.


to each his own.
 Dan99993
Joined: 11/29/2010
Msg: 127
Dating while unemployed?
Posted: 12/11/2010 10:20:01 AM

BS. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong choosing to date ONLY those who are gainfully employed. This does not make one shallow, an automatic gold-digger or all of the other silly judgments you're making (that are based on your perspective only, because you're not working).


Uh yes there is given this huge preconception of yours:


I want a man who does something PRODUCTIVE with his days. If he's not working, what is he doing? Goofing off? Sleeping in until noon? Playing video games? Surfing the net and posting on message forums or n chat rooms? Being employed shows a level of ambition and drive. If these are qualities I possess, why can't I expect those in someone I date?


It's your bias that unemployed men might not be good enough for you.
A great guy might be laid off, or not able to work --for whatever reason-

I know you talked about exceptions in the rest of your post but your first sentence says that you think it's ok to date only the gainfully employed.

Sounds prejudiced to me...

Apollo, me and others are still right...
 Dan99993
Joined: 11/29/2010
Msg: 128
Dating while unemployed?
Posted: 12/11/2010 10:24:22 AM

^^^^again IceCream- just because someone is unemployed, that does not mean that person has no money or no valuable means of support.


Or a valuable personality.

What a way to consider people who have no job (hey, IceQueen?)...

(I think you meant Ice Queen, boon, not Ice Cream! lol)
 lotus_flowr
Joined: 9/2/2010
Msg: 129
Dating while unemployed?
Posted: 12/11/2010 10:38:03 AM
it takes full time hours to find a full time career when laid off, not jumping into a waste of time minimum wage job to pass the time for a little amount of $$.
 lotus_flowr
Joined: 9/2/2010
Msg: 130
Dating while unemployed?
Posted: 12/11/2010 10:45:32 AM
I hear you, I went through a long period with no work after being laid off. It takes a toll but I frankly don't care what anyone thinks of how I spent my time while laid off. It was full time work to find a full time job in the city. Lots of opportunity, but I was over or under qualified. As for dating! I started while on my lay off and learned very quickly that it is a number one deal breaking for a lot of men. I was financially ok, I was only laid off and looking, but it did not matter to them. In the end, they were not worth my time either. Very Happy you found work! cheers
 Dan99993
Joined: 11/29/2010
Msg: 131
Dating while unemployed?
Posted: 12/11/2010 10:53:41 AM

(ice queen 201) Hey Danno,

If you're going to bring up the concept of "prejudice"............what about the fact that guys like yourself and Apollo both make it abundantly clear in your dating profiles here that you're only interested in women who are "height/weight proportionate." What if the gal is 30 or 40 or more lbs overweight? No, no, that kind of girl wouldn't be up to your standards. And if you deny this, then I expect to see your profile revised to EXCLUDE this parameter/criteria. What, can't do that? Oh, so it's OKAY for "some people" to have preferences and expectations with respect to those they date but then these same people turn around, like hypocrites, and accuse OTHERS of being prejudiced for THEIR preferences/expectations. What a hoot!

So please, tell me why it's acceptable to state preferences about physical appearance/weight............but considered prejudice if others prefer to only date those who have a dang job. Can hardly wait.


Ooh, you're quick to shoot.. but you missed.

You have a prejudice regarding unemployed men because you think they tend to not be ambitious, productive, etc.

That's a prejudice because it's a false notion. There are great guys who are unemployed.

I have stated in my profile that I 'prefer' weight proportionate to height. And I said that a personality I'd like could make up for almost anything, the extra weight is included in that, I didn't say that for nothing.
And preferring a woman whose weight is proportionate is a preference, not a prejudice.
I don't think less of a woman who's overweight, I'm just not as attracted.

Therefore it's not a prejudice, and you misquote my profile pretty badly.

You jumped a bit quickly to conclusions
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 132
Dating while unemployed?
Posted: 12/11/2010 3:01:13 PM
Why would someone who has extra money to go out and do really fun amazing things and travel want to date someone who can only afford to do free or cheap things.One of two things happen then.The one with more money has to carry the other constantly or be stuck never doing the things they want to do.Eventually that will cause resentment.

I am disabled and receive money for that,not a lot but enough to live.I would not even think about dating someone who had more then I do because I don't want to be dead weight and a drain on someone else's pocket book.That is unequal and unfair to the other person.Even if they were willing,I would be taking advantage of their generosity and I will not do that.I question the character of people who would be willing to take financially and never give.
 Apollodorus
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 133
Dating while unemployed?
Posted: 12/11/2010 3:43:37 PM
^^^^ As we have said several times If the person loves you, you will never ever be a drain on someone and just because you can't contribute a lot financially does not mean you can't contribute in other ways.

I think you have some insecurities ray of moonlight and i think that is what is stopping you from dating not because you are on disability.

just saying
 Apollodorus
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 134
Dating while unemployed?
Posted: 12/11/2010 4:16:18 PM
Please, do finally explain to us very clearly and specifically, how you define "contributing in other ways." Be sure to give actual examples.


Taking care of the kids, house hold chores, being a supportive and loving spouse, cooking diner for the date. I could go on and on....

I think you have lots of insecurities as well ice queen 211 that you need to deal with
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 135
Dating while unemployed?
Posted: 12/11/2010 4:45:12 PM

If the person loves you, you will never ever be a drain

Of course you will be a drain.A financial drain.That doesn't bother you though.



I think you have some insecurities ray of moonlight and i think that is what is stopping you from dating not because you are on disability.

I don't not date anymore because of insecurities.I don't date because I am ill and can't handle it physically and emotionally.I have more important matters on my mind like surviving!Dating pales in comparison to life and death.
 Apollodorus
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 136
Dating while unemployed?
Posted: 12/11/2010 5:34:37 PM

Most women do ALL of these things you mention PLUS run a household, work a full time job, are actively involved in their kids' extra-curricular activities, give something back to their community, support their husband's career, etc etc.


That is good for those women but it in no way means you can't give those responsibilities to someone else, especially the one that is unemployed.

You are very insecure ice queen because you are afraid of someone taking your money and advantage of you which would never happen if the other loved you, you are also inventing ridiculous scenarios that would never happen.
 niagara45
Joined: 8/15/2010
Msg: 137
Dating while unemployed?
Posted: 12/11/2010 5:56:38 PM
I once dated a guy who was unemployed. On our first couple of dates, he spoke generally about work and the type of work he did, so I assumed he meant he was currently working. Three or four dates in, he told me he had been laid off six months prior, and that he was actively looking for work and taking courses. He was also the kind of person who kept very active. He increased his volunteer work and taught more exercise classes while he was unemployed, and spent more time with his kids. He did receive a severance package and collected UI, so it wasn't as if he never paid for anything. We took turns paying, which is what I usually like to do. He ended up being unemployed for about 8 months, and then he got a job that was not quite as good as the one he had lost. He continued to apply for other jobs while he worked, and within a month of that he got a much better job. You can't assume a situation will never turn around and get better.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 138
view profile
History
Dating while unemployed?
Posted: 12/11/2010 6:52:10 PM
You can't assume a situation will never turn around and get better.


That is true, but people are trying to protect themself that you might borrow money or needs helps from them, I can understand them, perhaps they have a bad experienced on people that they help and they them self are barely surviving . When I was let go due to downsizing at the company where I work , at that time I was dating a guy who is in trucking business and my job come up on the conversation. I sensed a cold feelings from him, I told him that I would like to share the tab, he told me to take care of the tips, after that he he did not respond my call thanking him for the nice dinner.. and I noticed some of my friends too there is no warmth in the connections.. So I quit dating and going to parties, I feel a little bit sad, but it might be worse if I did not have a cushion to fall into.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 139
view profile
History
Dating while unemployed?
Posted: 12/11/2010 11:26:21 PM
Pixy Dust, ^^^^^ I am with you, I've meet few older guys that thinks they are they are prize hunk, that they can hussle their bread and butter and intertainments from me. It is not my fault that in their younger days they don't zipped their pants have kids from different women and pay child support and alimonies.. I feel sorry for them but nevah " that I will fall in love with these kind of men ,I am not a heroin from 10 cent romance novel like appolo, his quote" it doesnt matter if she make $125,000 and he make $30,000 or nothing, as long as SHE loves him... What a BS!! How can a savvy wo/man would fall for a person who is nothing and he has nothing ??

I would rather be shallow than support a man even IF I make an easy JOB lying down with my two feet up the air, earning my Dollars .
 BentonHarbor
Joined: 3/2/2010
Msg: 140
Dating while unemployed?
Posted: 12/12/2010 7:37:51 AM

I would rather be shallow than support a man even IF I make an easy JOB lying down with my two feet up the air, earning my Dollars .


Does anyone else here just absolutely adore this woman? English isn't her first language yet she typically is always the funniest one in the room!!

Dating is tough enough for some even when they are working---nigh on impossible if they're unemployed even temporarily? Tough being suave with short money----can't be done with no money!!
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 141
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History
Dating while unemployed?
Posted: 12/12/2010 8:50:07 AM
"it in no way means you can't give those responsibilities to someone else, especially the one that is unemployed. "

If a person has made a life long decision not to be responsible for themselves financially, and sees no reason to contribute to society by being employeed, why would anyone give them the responsibility for a home/children etc. We wouldn't hire an irresponsible maid.
 Apollodorus
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 142
Dating while unemployed?
Posted: 12/12/2010 10:07:51 AM
^^^ to the 8 posters above me. It is not a preference to choose someone based what your date's job is or lack of job, it is a prejudice and an insecurity and that is just wrong.
 Apollodorus
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 143
Dating while unemployed?
Posted: 12/12/2010 10:42:52 AM
so it's OKAY for YOU to have clearly stated expectations and preferences when it comes to looks and sex


Because that is a preference. as I said It is not a preference to choose someone based what your date's job is or lack of job, it is a prejudice and an insecurity and that is just wrong.


How is someone construed as "insecure" in any way, shape or form, if they make a conscious choice NOT to START OFF dating someone who from the get go, is not employed (and clearly has no desire to find employment)?


Because all you are worried about is someone stealing from or pawning off your good graces, that is an insecurity and that is not a good trait. You and a few of you here are clearly not after a relationship, you are just after a bank account.



 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 144
view profile
History
Dating while unemployed?
Posted: 12/12/2010 10:55:54 AM
"It is not a preference to choose someone based what your date's job is or lack of job, it is a prejudice and an insecurity and that is just wrong."

It is hard to think you actually expect to get people to agree with you.

The preference to date some one who has the character to provide for themselves is what it is all about.

Being with employment for a short period is one thing. Making a career out of being unemployed will only get you a partner who is so desperate for a partner, any partner, so much so that they are willing to provide for the partner as though they were a child who can't function alone in the real world.

Please anyone who feels the need to be financial cared explain where this idea came from. Why you feel this entitlement?
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 145
Dating while unemployed?
Posted: 12/12/2010 11:21:00 AM
apollo. deal is- I get you I do. yet, there's no need to get twisted about folks who say they won't date you for x, y, or z

all I worry about are those that will date me.

I'm dateable whether I'm employed or unemployed... cuz I don't worry about those things. I date less when I'm unemployed- as in, I was less likely to choose to pursue a serious relationship unless that relationship was going to happen regardless of my employment status.


I have my own shallow things that I use as my criteria for dating a woman. Its probably more shallow than employment status.

she's gotta be hot/sexy. I don't even talk to fatties and if her boobs are flat and deflated....I'm quite likely to stop the action then and there.

lol

so don't worry too hard apollo- there are plenty of women that will say, even the ones here they'd never date a guy unemployed only to wind up with their thongs twisted up on his bed post ever day on her way home from work. she'll love it.
then when you start working again- she'll be sad and lonely that you aren't rocking her world every afternoon before she gets home...
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 146
Dating while unemployed?
Posted: 12/12/2010 12:12:10 PM

It is hard to think you actually expect to get people to agree with you.

I'm pretty sure he's hoping for perpetual and widespread dissagreement, that's the only thing that keeps people responding to him.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 147
Dating while unemployed?
Posted: 12/12/2010 12:32:11 PM
sweetness- well of course he'd love to, but since he's soo anbitious and such- likely their schedules won't quite be as open as they once were when he was just sitting at home doing nothing but waiting for her to come by for an afternoon snack.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 148
Dating while unemployed?
Posted: 12/12/2010 12:34:46 PM
^^^If she's coming by for a snack on the way home, they don't live together so what he does is less of an issue - he's not running up her bills.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 149
Dating while unemployed?
Posted: 12/12/2010 1:55:26 PM
^^^Agreed. I'm not sure I'd ever move in with anyone regardless of their finances, but if I dated someone who didn't match my financial mindset, then it's a guarantee that we'd live separately pretty much forever. That's also someone that I'd date but may not be doing everything I want to do recreationally if they aren't able to afford it. Luckily I have friends who are.

If I can take care of myself, and I date someone else who can (not a millionaire, just able to and wants to live within his own means), there will never really be a money issue.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 150
Dating while unemployed?
Posted: 12/12/2010 4:32:31 PM
^^^^^i get that WIP and sweetness....its the difference between women and men.

women still rely on men to provide for them and despite what women say- they do need men. yes yes I know you ladies are progressive and can technically take care of yourselves.

that being said, men have never relied on women for anything other than raising children. but we have never had to rely on women for our "livelihood" as women have had to rely on us men.

seems the generations and generations and generations of the way things have been has still not been surpassed by the way the cultural norms have fought to change over the past few decades of "equality" women have sought.

somethings are just hard to undo I guess.
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