Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 ImAHotMess
Joined: 7/11/2008
Msg: 550
over 30 and still living at homePage 13 of 28    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28)
Since I was 19, I was able to somehow support myself. So, the same rule applies now. If I can work one or 2 jobs (have worked 2 before) go to College full time and support myself ANYONE can. I want a relationship with a man who I can have over, or go see without mommy and daddy and everyone else there to monitor it. Meaning, if I want you to do me on the kitchen table at 3 in the afternoon it would be really nice too do that. Grow up, get a damn job, and get your OWN place. It is not a matter of making fun of anyone, it shows who is responsible and can hack it or not. What happens when mommy and daddy are not alive any more to bail people out? What happens if we are together and have rough times financially...just going to up and leave and go back to mommy and daddy???? NOT.It is one thing to accept HELP, it is another to become co dependent. No, I will not ever date anyone living like this.
 ImAHotMess
Joined: 7/11/2008
Msg: 552
over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 11/19/2008 4:45:57 PM
KC that is my point. And you can always tell the whiners here who live with and off mommy and daddy. Always some tragic excuse. Some of it really makes me ill. Even in sickness or job loss, people STILL learn how to support themselves. It really makes me wonder how they expect to have a normal life if they can not make it on their own. I met someone who does exactly this ~ lives at home. Mind you he lied about it, and he is history, but good God...support yourself. lol. Most of the time it is lazy people, very rarely have I heard anyone with a good reason. Once on here I heard a man tell me he was really helping his mother out, and I believe him, but still...to have any type of relationship, I just can not see me "going there" with a man.
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 554
over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 11/21/2008 7:04:39 PM
I think that it all comes down to one question - why? If someone's living with his parents it doesn't matter if he's 25, 35 or older. The question is simply why he (or she) hasn't moved out. There are cases, especially now during the financial crisis, when people get fired left to right and have get rid of their car, house or whatever. When "disaster" strikes you obviously have to live somewhere and quite often, at least temporarily, you move back home. Now, that's ONE scenario which I believe is more acceptable for even the most narrow-minded person.

There are many scenarios obviously. I don't know about any such myself but it's probably safe to assume that there are people who once moved out, moved back and got "stuck". In other words, when your world collapses you build a new one and that's when it can be hard to get out. Who knows, and that's the most important point here. Unless you know about the details it's foolish to judge someone.

I personally know one guy who's over 30 and he's still living with his parents. As far as I know he's never had his own place and I don't think that he's even held a job for more than a few months at a time. Other than that he's an intelligent person, well read and good-looking. But he has those two things going against him whenever he's dating women. It is kind of sad that he's wasting his time. But over the years that we've been friends I've understood that people aren't "synchronized" like clocks. We're expected to have accomplished certain things, goals, in life at this or that age. Women start to feel pressured about not having kids or a relationship with somebody around 30, too. The society puts pressure on everybody, not only the guy, or girl, who's yet to find his place in this world. So maybe we should all live and let live and drop the prejudices.
 shelly.d
Joined: 2/10/2009
Msg: 555
over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 3/27/2009 10:51:03 PM
"I've lived on my own, and I do have a concept of what the real world costs. I have a good job, I pay the bills and buy food. I don't sponge off my parents like some people who live at home do.

You say unrealisitic princess, maybe your right BUT you don't know me or the whole story so don't be so quick to judge me."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
***I agree - luvmonkey;you definately had me with you on some of your truly contemplative/sensitive/thoughtful/ insightful answers. Impressed a couple of times. For sure. Kudos.

But ah yeah, this one answer of yours didn't go down the best at all. I do see what you are saying about "woulda couldas", I DO.
BUT - the "interesting to see how defensive people get...maybe there is an underlying fear" etc- did sound... a little condescending, which hmm..not so cool.

Very generalized and a little nasty sounding really. Which in my opinion is actually more proof of why people
(maybe in particular the ones who have a valid/legit reason to be there, health/medical whatever) get defensive and or angry so quickly because they know of the social stigma here and are probably just sick of getting automatically lumped in with the "spongers/freeloaders" as well,etc., not to mention also likely sick of feeling they have to constantly defend their position and explain themselves to others, only to still get negative flack and be made to feel below everybody else who is out "on their own"?
We don't know everybody's story, so I agree we should not be SO quick to judge.

Just a thought.
Take Care everybody,
 Frank197594
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 556
over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 3/28/2009 7:36:45 AM
Sometimes it not a "Failure to Grow Up". Sometimes it's just circumstances that happen. I'm over 30 and still live at home, I am not happy about it but at this point in time there is not much I can do. I have a job, but I only work as a clerk in retail and make enough just to get my bills paid off. I never had the chance to go away to school which is something I wanted to do, and sometimes living at home isn't so bad, it's a bit better then living by yourself.

I've also known people who have tried to live on their own and ended up moving back home because it's just hard to do unless you have a college-educated job or working full-time. With the economy these days it's hard to find a decent job, with a lot of places closing and such.

You can laugh all you want about living at home and being 30, but that's pre-judging people and it's wrong.
 Frank197594
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 559
over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 3/30/2009 9:48:27 PM

It's all too common and just like you describe, OP, is why I don't want to date them anymore. No ambition, maturity or responsibility.

These people will be lost when mama dies. Some will be like the homeless we see on lower Wacker Drive, or these people we see holding up the "homeless, need to eat" sign.


Do you ever think about maybe those who live at home still can still take care of themselves? I'm surprised there are people who will not even consider dating a person who still lives at home. The two girlfriends I had both still lived at home when I was with them, and I couldn't care less because I liked them.

Not saying your philosophy is wrong but sometimes it's hard to live on your own especially if you don't have a good enough job to do so or you have to many bills to pay off. I would give the person a chance and if you don't click then that would be more of a reason not to date them.
 Msh90
Joined: 8/30/2008
Msg: 561
over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 4/1/2009 6:26:46 PM
People are so judgemental about this topic.

Personally I think it's fine. I just bought my own apartment and just moved out of my parents house and I'm 28. I would never have been able to purchase anything if I hadn't spent 10 years saving and I wouldn't have been able to save like I did without my mum and dad helping me.
 beautifuldancer400
Joined: 6/12/2007
Msg: 562
over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 8/6/2009 3:52:24 AM
In some cultures it is normal for families to stick together. Parents take care of their children, then help with grandchildren and then it's the childens' turn to take care of the parents.

I know people who never see their family except on holidays. There are pros and cons in both situations. As long as everyone gets along and there are no major problems it can work. It's unusual that it works out smoothly but when there are financial or health reasons it can work.

I think that the more money we make - the easier it is to break ties with family. Sometimes just helping family members financially is easier than having to spend time or being forced to live with them. In this economy we will see it more and more.
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 564
over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 8/6/2009 11:06:40 PM
LOL, if I had to move back in with my parents at my age, there would be a homocide within days. I love my parents, but they drive me nuts. They are set in their ways, and so am I. Plus my mother would be all up in my personal business, and I would be insane within hours.
I was talking to my dad hypothetically about this subject one time, and he laughed and said he would rather fork out money for my rent than have me move in with them...he said having me and my mother under one roof again would force him to move into the barn. LOL, God love him, he was probably right, too.
There comes a point when you have to just say NO to kids moving back in with parents. Barring total financial ruin, or something that absolutely forces cohabitation temporarily, children over the college age should be on their own. They need that freedom to learn to live in the real world on their own and be responsible for themselves.
Beth
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 566
over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 8/25/2009 1:38:44 PM
"over 30 and still living at home"
---------
... Makes no difference whatsoever and it proves nothing. Many people are directly dependent on their parents anyway even if they're out on "their own". Live and let live.
 Giantrican
Joined: 1/15/2008
Msg: 567
over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 8/26/2009 4:33:36 AM
Its Rough out there, you know if you could stay home you would that is so BS you don't have a clue. If your mom and dad needed you to help them out and there were about to lose there home, you know in a heart beat you will be there cause of your memories you had in that home. When I lived out on my own I felt like I lost touch with my family and as I have been on here looking to date the one, I have had seen time after time "Really Close to my Family" so why not stay at home! Everyone has a reason whats yours? Maybe you can't see cause you don't have any compassion for your mom and dad, maybe that is why you are still single cause you frown upon anyone that still lives home. There is Reason for everything, who cares you still live at home, I love my family and I will do what is my best interest to help the ones I love!
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 570
over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 9/5/2009 4:27:21 PM
Perhaps we should be glad that people have a home to go to in the first place.
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 574
over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 9/12/2009 5:05:47 AM
Let's face it, most women don't give a shit about WHY somebody's living with his parents. At the end of the day all that counts is that he IS living under the same roof as his parents. You could hold your head under your arm, blame the bad economy, walked out alive from battlefields, lived in a shoe box for the past 5 years, been to the Moon and back and barely made it, but hey, if you live at home you're a loser and the excuses don't matter. That's the truth and we all know it. Shallow? Sure. If you judge a book by its cover it certainly is. Everybody's got his own story to tell and the only question is who wants to listen.
 Threshold of Hope
Joined: 7/6/2009
Msg: 576
view profile
History
over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 9/13/2009 1:40:06 PM
I know more than a few people over 30 who have the emotional maturity of a teenager, even though they moved out of their parents home at a young age.

I have been on my own since before turning 21, but I would rather date someone who still lives at home, who is mature, than someone living alone who is immature.
 ilovehistory
Joined: 8/12/2009
Msg: 580
view profile
History
over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 11/19/2009 8:33:56 PM
I have a 12 yr old son, who lives with me fulltime as I have custody of him. He is welcome to live with me until I die if he wants. I'm Hispanic, my father's family came from Spain 100 yrs ago to Indiana. Seeing how the Anglos around here treat their kids makes me physically ill. Here in Indiana, there are almost no jobs that pay living wages, even for college grads. You cannot live on the low wages the jobs that do exist here pay. The government of my hometown says that 75% of the jobs here pay less than $9 an hour and it takes an income of $12 an hour to support one person with no kids or spouse here.

I have so many friends, people I went to college with, who spent time living in their cars and in shelters because their families were ashamed that they couldn't find jobs. Thrown away. The people here preach that bullshit about how anyone who can't make a living is a loser. Whatever. I make a good living because I moved to New Mexico to learn more about my Spanish heritage (my family is ashamed to be Hispanic and they act as nasty and hateful toward each other and their kids as the local Anglos..uggh). I'm an artist, I have an art degree and a long record of exhibits and publications of my work. In Santa Fe, for the first time in my life, I made a good living. It took a month there to earn more than I had in the previous year in Indiana! Well I came back here to get custody of my son from his bipolar mother after she was committed to the state psychiatric hospital over a year ago. My patrons and clients in Santa Fe still give me work and an income so we have our own place. I had forgotten how greedy, hateful, judgemental and just nasty that people here are, I have seen several more friends end up homeless because of the recession and of course their families forgot who they were when that happened.

I know that with this country's economy the way it is, and the way it has been going the last 20 yrs (all the jobs either shipped to China or busted to $7 an hour levels) he will likely never find a good job, no matter how much education he has. I know people now with Bachelors, masters, and even a couple PhDs who have been unemployed a long time, some never could find a job. If he cannot support himself, he is welcome to stay with me forever. In New Mexico I saw how a family is supposed to be....together, for each other, forever, no matter what. My grandma Rosa would approve if she was still alive. My dad's generation forgot who they were.

The split second my son turns 18, we're going back home to Santa Fe. In Indiana custodial parents cannot move out of state with the kids till they are 18 without the other parent's permission. That;s understandable, it would effectively keep my son's mom from seeing him, and she is still part of his life (she's out of the hospital and sees him frequently now).
 ligonmaximus
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 581
view profile
History
over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 11/20/2009 9:11:47 PM
I tell this topic has gotten some great discussion here on the forums. I agree with those who saw the living with the folks thing is a Western society or North American cultural norm. However, I feel it can be unhealthy if the child living with their parents are not contributing at all to the household. I think one needs to at least get their own apartment or join the military and get out and see how they enjoy living without their folks around. Who knows they might like it better right?

If someone is 40 and they have never lived away from their parents. I wonder to myself why? Then again it's a cultural norm.

I have known several people who live away from their parents, but yet their parents are only 30 minutes from them. Is that really living away from their parents? Granted, they don't live in the same household as them, but why is that more of an accepted norm for those of us in North America? I use to think it was funny/interesting when girls would complain that I lived with my folks years ago, but yet they lived within five minutes of their folks.

Also, I thought it was funny when they did not take into consideration that I had lived overseas in Japan and in California for several years when I was military. Funniest thing I ever had happen was this one girl had a real problem that I was currently living with my folks even though she was doing the same thing. Though I was 28 at the time and she was 19. I was like, "But I have lived on my own before in the military and had my own apartment afterwords for a few years". I should have told her and I drive a $40K car and you drive a $10K car right? But I probably would have come off as a total pric saying that.

I think it's perfectly healthy for one to live with their parents as long as they are actively contributing to the household, they are trying to find work, they are making plans to eventually move out once money circumstances all them to do so, and/or they are going to college or some trade school. I do not like kids leeching off of their parents.

Advantages of living of away from the folks is that it is easier to make more friends, not ever have to worry about living under the rules of their parents, and they can have more privacy as well living on their own, and most importantly enjoy FREEDOM and satisfaction of nothing that you can make it on your own without any POTENTIAL unhealthy co-dependency from living with the folks long term.

Advantages of living with their parents is that they can develop closer relationships with them by spending quality time with them, SAVE MONEY, and help care for their folks when needed.

This is all my opinion though nothing factual. This is interesting reading all of the different opinions on this.
 dsleeth
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 598
over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 9/5/2011 10:15:54 PM
Why are you dwelling on your ex? YOu have a future and you can't see it because you're thinking about your ex.
 Jimmy_Hoffa
Joined: 7/23/2007
Msg: 608
view profile
History
over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 9/22/2011 12:32:42 PM
I don't know if I have anything to add after 26 pages? It seems to be more normal now than ever. I know a guy I went to school with, he's married with 3 kids, he lives with his mother, his parents divorced, so he helps with the rent, when he can. His sister has like 6 kids, she lives in her fathers house and runs a day care there. I know another guy who must be close to 50, he moved back in with his mother after his father died about 15 years ago. She owns a big place on land and honestly couldn't take care of it without him.
In this econemy I really can't blame anyone. First houses were prohibitively expensive about 7 years ago, in my area a house in town was $250,000 while jobs were $10 an hour, now housing prices crashed, but there are virtually no jobs.

I live in a "guest house" on my parents ranch. It's almost a full time job just fixing stuff on the ranch. What do you think I should do? Leave and make my parents hire someone to come take care of the cattle and run the equipment?

Wich is worse; living with mom and dad, or the women that have several kids, no man and live in section 8 housing (we all pay for that) and don't work at all, just get welfare, food stamps and government housing? Maybe parents should take care of their own kids??... Otherwise we all fit the bill. Maybe it's just where I live, but that's the way it is around here.
 psytle
Joined: 3/7/2011
Msg: 612
view profile
History
over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 11/7/2011 8:27:30 AM
I'm financially capable of living on my own, but I got terribly lonely when I did.

Living with my folks is more for non mooching company than anything else. :: shrugs ::
 kirb32
Joined: 3/26/2006
Msg: 621
view profile
History
over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 1/17/2012 6:20:19 AM
I am going to be 29 in march and just had to move back home because my ex ended up cheating on ment and we broke up. It upsets me that looking at things it will be about 4 years before i can afford to be out on my own unless I find a better paying job. I do give them about 300 a month to help with the bill but until I get my car paid off just cant afford to move out on my own. It takes two incomes anymore. I even own my own house and thought about when the lease is up with my tenant to move back in there but with the loan on that house and all bills with gas for car and food I would not be able to do it with my car payment. Trust me I don't enjoy being back at home I feel out of place you can say but at this point in time I have no other option. I am looking for a better paying job I hope all goes well in that field and if i do I may just end up buying another house becasue the one i do own is a small house and it about an hour away from family and it suck not to see my family that often because I can't afford gas.
 StevenC1977
Joined: 7/4/2011
Msg: 627
view profile
History
over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 1/27/2012 12:52:20 PM
I don't have that situation but I moved back home after living with a girlfriend. I'm currently going to school for computer info systems and graduate next year. Pluses are I have an extra living room and fridge for me. Bascially my own apt at home. I have my own space and help when i can. The trade off is next year when i graduate and move to a big city ill send money back home to help family. Seeing how programmers make good money. So i think it depends on your situation.
 RIPTIDE59
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 629
over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 1/28/2012 6:52:12 AM
@657 & 656 Good posts. Every situation is different. BTW GOODTIM3Z; I'm doing the same thing with my daughter in a few years. It's a lot harder for younger folks these days.
And no, there is no age limit on making a good deal.
 dwb1978
Joined: 8/28/2011
Msg: 639
view profile
History
over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 11/21/2012 1:01:25 PM
I'm 34, own my own house and my Mum lives with me. I see absolutely no reason whatsoever for us to be living separately when I'm single and she hasn't got a partner either. These circumstances will probably change when I find someone but for the time being it doesn't bother me.

There's still a stigma attached to my personal situation and it used to worry me but I've ultimately come to the conclusion that it's pointless worrying or thinking any less of yourself because of it. Anyone who immediately judges you on that one thing alone isn't worth knowing in the first place.
 Pangaean
Joined: 1/9/2013
Msg: 658
over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 1/25/2013 12:53:32 AM
Meanwhile the so-called 1% seem busy-- in part with their films and assorted media propaganda-- indoctrinating those who can't seem to think for themselves.

...As our species relentlessly runs Mother Earth-- read, Home-- off the precipice with neglect, hate, contempt and violence, etc. against anything and everything.

...Wage and debt-slavery, war, land grabbing, resource plunder, environmental degradation, corporate oligarchy and corruption, and on and on...

The home, family, community, children, elders, etc., seem the last bastions of love and support-- continuously under attack-- by and in this disaster of a culture. To describe it as infantilistic would be ridiculously charitable.
 Pangaean
Joined: 1/9/2013
Msg: 659
over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 1/25/2013 2:32:33 AM
Occupy Love:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BRtc-k6dhgs
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  >