Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 sparticuss
Joined: 5/9/2006
Msg: 98
over 30 and still living at homePage 2 of 28    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28)
He is old enough to have his own house and alot more if he wanted...what is he waiting for?!


Sassy.

Counting counting counting.

I know but TWO single women who were paying off a mortgage in thier thirties. BOTH were in highly paid jobs and could easily afford the payments.

I know many more DIVORCED women in the same circumstances but these women took the house, in the divorce settlement , when most of it had been paid off.

If I include myself I know over TWO DOZEN single men in thier thirties who are paying off thier own homes.

Whats wrong with the women. What is SHE waiting for.
 justmeinnc05
Joined: 8/12/2005
Msg: 119
over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 6/3/2006 5:49:50 PM
I am a divorced 49 year old mother of four(3 girls 18, 27 and 31 and 1 boy 22). All of them but the 18 year old are on their own. I love the last one dearly, but frankly will be glad when she moves out, then I can be free to do more.

What's up with all of these people in their early 30's who have parents that need so much help in basic living? My kids just wish they could keep up with me.

I might add that if and when I get to a point where I can not take care of myself, I have already told my childen I will not allow them to take care of me. They know I would want to be in a home. I refuse to be a burden to my children. Yes I took care of them when they grew up, but I was the one that brought them into the world. They owe me nothing. They will all most likely have a family and perhaps children of their own. Two of the four have a family now, and one has two children: age 5 and 9.

How can you ever hope to have a family of your own, if you are still at home with your parents?

 sparticuss
Joined: 5/9/2006
Msg: 127
over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 6/6/2006 11:11:46 PM
Leaving the nest is a necessary part of growing up. Those who don't are postponing an emotional growth stage. And emotionally retarded people are not well equipped to deal with things like relationships.
=================================
You raise an interesting point there monkey.

Most guys do spend from five to ten years between the nest and the marriage either batching or backpacking.

Circumstance and choice make both of these convenient as men often tend to fly the nest at a younger age and get married at an older age.

But, five years ago at least, most girls did leave the nest only on thier wedding day. Has in changed recently?
And the wedding is certanily NOT a magic gateway to adult life. Thats a learning process, not a magic gateway.
 sparticuss
Joined: 5/9/2006
Msg: 128
over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 6/6/2006 11:16:45 PM
New Begginnings
Why isn't your father doing all these things ( This is going to be a very interestng answer, no matter what it is! )
 sparticuss
Joined: 5/9/2006
Msg: 129
over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 6/6/2006 11:21:32 PM
There's one piece of TOTAL hipocrisy in this post.

If 30 plus people, still living at home, are considered such total failures then the girls should be absoloutely walking accross hot coals to get to me and my brothers.


1/ Left home age 17 for college. Left college age 18 to take up a job. Started own business a few years later
2/ Left home age 15 to take a job offer. Been working that job ever since
3/ Left home age 17 for college. Left college age 18 to take a job. Working ever since
4/ Left home age 17 to take a job. Working since
5/ Left home age 17 to take a job. Working since

So why arent they.??
 BouncyBall
Joined: 3/3/2005
Msg: 133
view profile
History
over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 6/11/2006 12:45:39 PM
Yeah each case has its own circumstances; I’m 28 and still live at home, wanted to move out at 17 but couldn’t afford it in London (very expensive if you’ve never been here). Then at 21 suffered 3 years of bad health, then by 24 I recovered but was made redundant. Tried to start my own business, was let down by an investor and lost my life savings, since then I’ve found no stability in my work. So life is holding me back, with no inheritance to look forward to its tough, on top of all of this my mum lives on her own and has not worked for years. So as I said, each case should be taken on its own merits.
 ioski
Joined: 6/5/2006
Msg: 142
over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 6/12/2006 10:51:19 AM
I guess that there are many reasons why someone over 30 might live at home.
Yes, it is common in other parts of the world, but in the USA, it is at least culturally
less acceptable, unless someone in the family or both are in tough situations.

Yada.. yada...

After reading the postings the only other thing I have to add is that there may be some enabling going on from the parent's side of thing (usually the mother). For example, you mention the mom doing the cooking, laundry, etc... The kids could at least do their own or help with the family cooking and laundry. The mom seemly automatically doing this makes me think she isn't doing what is best for her kids for whatever reason. Even if this is the case, at some point, the kids have got to realize that their growth is stunted if they continue to live at home with that kind of arrangement. Although, you can point this out; the individual person has to come to realize this for him/herself.

There could be other things going on (I mean home prices are pretty high, etc...), but from an obviously outsider's POV, that's my 2 cents.
 lonewolf30034
Joined: 5/15/2006
Msg: 157
view profile
History
over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 8/13/2006 8:17:16 PM
I hear ya. My ex is over 30 also and still living at home. Sometimes it was frustrating because we couldn't be intimate at her place and sometimes she couldn't see me because she didn't want to deal with bulls*** from mom for being out too late when she had to be at work early the next day. Personally I think her mom was holding her back because she wouldn't allow her to be responsible. I hate to say it,but sometimes it felt like I was dating a teenager.

On the other hand,she was also helping her mom take care of her sick grandfather but even before he moved in with them she never considered moving out...until she met me. She's still there because the situation with her grandfather got worse so Kudos to her for that.

However,I would definitely question the reasons for someone still living at home. Unless it's for family health issues or financial problems it's actually a bit of turn-off.
 Polly_G
Joined: 11/21/2005
Msg: 162
over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 8/25/2006 5:18:02 AM
The being intimate thing is a real drag. I have a roomate, I can't have people here all the time or it would be unfair to him. When you each have your own place, even if you have roomates, it makes arranging for time alone far easier.

Our choices of where to go are, my place or umm my place. This seems to be kind of a trend these days. The last two guy's I've seriously dated I come to find out live with their parents.

One is not so bad just because its temporary. The other one though had never lived with a woman or moved from home. That throws all kinds of red flags up for me.
 sparticuss
Joined: 5/9/2006
Msg: 167
over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 8/26/2006 12:56:21 AM
An image keeps popping into my mind.

- Of my mother
- On the roof
- On her walking frame
- Trying to clean leaves out of the gutters

- Because all of her children have left home.
 Polly_G
Joined: 11/21/2005
Msg: 168
over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 8/26/2006 4:59:42 AM
Well lots of things are different if you go to Japan. But these guys were not in Japan nor are they Japanese. I think the 'When in Rome' philosophy applies here.

Living close to your parents, at least here, leaves bonds attached in a way sometimes that its not the healthiest thing to be condusive to a relationship. Besides the intimacy stuff, my parents rented our home for 20 years from my grandmother. It was a duplex and she lived in the downstairs section. It worked out for the longest time somewhat because my parents took care of her, but make NO MISTAKE she never let us forget it was her house.

We had to follow her rules and even her moral rules while we lived in that house. That also included getting an eviction threat when she found out one of my sisters was dating a black guy. Sure, she let her kids move back all the time. Unfortunately, she was a control freak so to stay with her, you had to be willing to accept that control.

I never thought my mom, the open-minded free spirirt she was, to act this way. After my last big breakup I moved in with my parents for a couple months to get on my feet. She started to act like my grandmother. Commenting on my comings and goings all the time. I even found her outside one day cleaning the inside of my car out because it was dirty. No respect for privacy, why should she? I'm her daughter.

To live with your parents you also have to accept that you are going to stay 'the child' while they are around.

 WakeDan
Joined: 8/16/2006
Msg: 170
over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 8/26/2006 7:12:40 PM
There is a big difference between being 35 and never left home, and moving back in.

Some people could afford a mortgage IF they had a big enough down payment BUT the rent is so high it makes it very difficult. So if Mom and Dad say 'you can stay with us until you get the down payment' I don't see anything wrong with it, even if it takes months. Which it probably would, you need far more than $2k to buy a decent house these days.

But I know a couple people who have never left home. The daughter is 35 I think and the son is 32 maybe. The parents want them there. The mom does ALL the cooking and cleaning, even washes the bedroom floors (hardwood floor). So of course the son has 3 expensive cars and all these neat expensive toys. Sure he'll throw some money at his parents now and then like buying tires for Dad or paying for a new water heater.

The Dad told me his kids really don't even go out that much with their friends anymore, not like when they were in their twenties. I keep asking him 'when are they moving out?' he says 'hopefully never, I love having my kids around.'

The funny thing is, they look so well adjusted. The son dresses well, keeps up with the styles, is very social, well groomed. Not the stereotypical slob wearing all black who can barely talk to strangers. And his girlfriends, jeez. I remember when he was in his twenties. His gf would go over there and visit with his parents for a while. Then she would go to his room and pick up, vacuum floors and just act like a mom. He always seems to find women who have no problem with him living at home.

I sometimes envy the lack of responsibility he has, but I wouldn't move back home. I like having my own place too much. And like a previous poster says, he has absolutely no privacy. His mom still washes his boxers lol.
 WakeDan
Joined: 8/16/2006
Msg: 171
over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 8/26/2006 7:18:57 PM
Ok I have to tell this story.

One time I was over at their house. Son comes home and Mom asks him if he's hungry. He says 'maybe just a salad'. He goes and watched tv while his mom makes a salad that could have been on a magazine cover. It was amazing. She walks it into the living room on a tray with a fork and his favorite dressing. I just kind of sat there like, wow.

He finishes his salad and says 'you know mom, I guess I am kind of hungry for something more'. I forget what it was, but she starts pulling down pots and pans and all kinds of stuff and whips up this 4 course meal JUST FOR HIM.

No wonder he won't leave home. A maid cleans his room for free, a cook makes his meals, anything he wants, and he has tons of money because he doesn't have any bills.
 Polly_G
Joined: 11/21/2005
Msg: 172
over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 8/26/2006 8:40:48 PM
My mom is in my face ALL the time with questions that are too ridiculous to answer. I've put up with the loss of privacy and having to be around the house more to help her out, but as a 35 yr old female... there's no way I'm reporting in or giving detailed accounts of my comings & goings and other doings to her... as she'd like.

Not EVER gonna happen.


You say this but do you consider what pressure it puts on the person you are dating?

Those questions she asks you, guess what. She will most likely drill the person you are dating with as well. Yes, I've dealt with an experienced it.

Besides feeling like you want to tell the parent who has absolutely no right to comment or question you, to pound sand, it also makes you resent the person you are with for simply having to deal with a dynamic that as an independent person in your 30s you shouldn't have to deal with.

I am NOT a child and I don't expect to be interrogated by any person's parents. How would you feel if I told your parents where to go just like you do when you are pissed. Ahh, they are YOUR parents. Its ok for YOU to do it but it would not be ok for me to...nor would it be appropriate.

 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 183
over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 9/9/2006 8:35:43 PM
^^^^Hey You ~ I'm starting to wonder if you are obsessed with cheese!!!

~OT~ I live with my favorite Aunt. We are roommates. We split everything financial and our arrangement is quite functional. We both ended up single and back here in Idaho at the same time so, we made the best of our individual situations by joining forces. If others don't get it, we don't care. We laugh to hard all the time to worry that someone might think it's odd.

Now, if a grown man is living with his mommy because he has an inability to get out on his own, or he's afraid of the dark, or he spends his money on stereo equipment rather than rent, he has grown-up-toys rather than an apartment, he refuses to work and would rather play, or a long list of other red-flags, I am not likely to date him. I might go jet-skiing with him, but I'm not dating him.
 sparticuss
Joined: 5/9/2006
Msg: 186
over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 9/11/2006 3:09:22 PM
lol i get such a kick when i see my ex living in a tiny messy room at mom and dads still and hes 31 with his sis who is 34 still downstairs too...thier parents are so weak and foolish to not put up boundaries or deadlines
======================
Alura

Who the hell are you to judge?? Where did you expect him to live. There are no shelters for divorced men.
And who are you to go shoving massivle generalisations on the entire population of nesters over this issue.?

I see this a thousand times.
Some twit takes ONE solitary, personal, instance and tries to slap ridiculous generalisations on it.

And then, when they are brought to account, they goo WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA thats not fair. You are attacking me.
 sparticuss
Joined: 5/9/2006
Msg: 188
over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 9/12/2006 8:13:10 PM
A great job is one that earns enough income to take care of yourself. Wake up this is 2006 5oG's won't keep him in sneakers 2) He's YOUR son take care of him and show him how to grow up to be self sufficient and take care of himself and his children

Andy

It's you that need a lesson in waking up. This is 2006 and the average income is 30-40Gs.
 vhdc
Joined: 7/18/2006
Msg: 198
over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 9/20/2006 12:24:04 PM
I heard this (forgot where) "Men over 30 living at home, pathetic. Men over 30 living at home with a dead mother, a classic."
 sparticuss
Joined: 5/9/2006
Msg: 200
over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 9/21/2006 6:35:37 AM
mooches... all of you... I highly doubt you parents would share your idea that "they need you to live at home"....

for gods sakes... cut the cord... grow up.
============================
Ed??? Whats wrong with you.

What are you doing using an absoloutely filthy word like "all".

You know better than to go making sweeping generalisations on THIS board.
 bolotye
Joined: 12/21/2004
Msg: 206
over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 9/22/2006 9:59:45 AM
Living at home for over 4 years? Good grief.

Most women are attracted to and want a man who has some financial stability. Most men want a woman to respect him. Respect is earned and given when you show that you are worthy of it. I will respect you when you respect yourself.

This does not include the man who is working his tail off, yet still considered poor. That man is doing the respectable thing by trying his best. This particular man would be worthy of respect by those around him.
 Sparklin
Joined: 9/1/2006
Msg: 209
over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 11/21/2006 7:47:05 AM
^^^^^ Small minded, judgemental people who think they are better than others - don't concern yourself with their opinions. So long as as people are content and comfortable with their own situation it's really not up to others to judge. Good luck with your plans - what you are doing is a smart thing!
 TS_69er
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 215
over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 11/21/2006 9:49:51 PM
any man who lives at home except for the reason HE has a serious illness and needs help, or the parents Need help, there is no other excuses like Money's tight, saving for a down payment, lost my job,girlfriend kick me out etc etc etc those guys are LOSERS, skimming off your folks, wasnt the cord cut at birth
 TS_69er
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 223
over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 11/26/2006 9:27:39 PM
I love it when people come up with all the excuses for living with mommy and daddy
there others in the same boat yet they didnt run home to mommy and daddy, excuses are just that excuses
 Sparklin
Joined: 9/1/2006
Msg: 225
over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 11/27/2006 5:51:31 AM
Well, the guy IS looking for FWB so it wouldn't be cool if he lived at home...
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  >