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 AUTHOR
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 54
Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!Page 3 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

Mostly cause it is very hard to meet people.


Actually, it's not really that hard to just "meet" people.

Just go up and say hi.

It's actually "connecting" with them that's hard.

Since so many people are so guarded and suspicious now.

Like they're thinking, "What does this guy want"?


Online dating isn't much better.


It's worse.

Most people have poor snap judgment abilities.
 Nestaron
Joined: 3/22/2016
Msg: 55
Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/9/2017 5:22:56 PM
I have found the truth on why internet dating is so hard. Everyone is waiting for everyone else to be the first to message. Seriously women are leaving cause they are getting no decent messages way to go guys. And men are leaving cause they aren't getting and returned indecent messages way to go ladies. Hahahaha okay maybe that is just my own theory but it seems reasonable.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 56
Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/9/2017 6:06:37 PM
"...has to do with the fact no one really goes out like they used to"

>>>I think some of that is age. When I was a kid, I went out often...to meet people. Those who lived with their parents still, went out to get the hell out of the house. Up here in the winter zone, that's a real PITA. dress warmly, let the car warm up, skate across the black ice, get there, ditch the jacket and gloves someplace, meet no one, leave the place, find out its been snowing while you were inside, clean off the windows, drive home slowly (and hopefully soberly). that's half the year.

Now i'm older, I have what I like to do, inside the house with me. out in the countryside away from the cities and casinos where cool stuff is happening. and of course, the people who actually are outgoing and fun, by now, are married. a woman who comes up to talk to me now, is either drunk and thus its fake confidence, or married and isn't trying to hit on me so she's got no agenda.

online dating should be an attempt on the side, to add to actually meeting people in person. It shouldn't be a sub, and frankly, its where some who can't get a date in person, go in the hopes their picture is going to work magic. That sounds cynical, I know, but I have beautiful female friends who have never bothered with online b/c they get enough in real life to not have the time or the need. I see beautiful people here, who either talk about all the bad relationships they want, or how they're too busy to meet people in real life.

there's nothing wrong with online dating being used to keep a "toe in the water". I think its best to see it that way, then the lack of responses isn't so depressing. Unless, again, you live in a populated area, and the odds increase in your favor. but for the forum regulars who post here and already have a partner...I haven't kept track, but it seems at least half of them--maybe two thirds--didn't meet that person here.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 57
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Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/9/2017 9:45:21 PM
your mistake is in thinking that this freebie dating site set up works. It does not for most men because women with it going on for them are too busy having success in real life. Once is a great while there is a successful connection made.

Women are wary of internet dating and they should be, as should men. Being bitter and pessimistic does you no good and you really need to get your act together in real life so you know what you are getting upfront, at least physically. You can write the best messages in the world and the have the best profile but it is all down to the pictures upfront and the height etc, status and job...
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 58
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Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/10/2017 11:07:20 AM

But I went to an asexuality meetup (not for dating though) and the 2 people who run it DID have their s. together, and the group is still growing 5 years later. The only reason I stopped going is because I'm just not cut out to be an activist (plus the fact that there were 5 women to every man in the group).

Wait, WHY go to an asexuality meetup if you're not asexual? Obviously if you were, dating potential wouldn't an option. And if asexual, why would you care about the guy-to-girl ratio? I would expect more girls being/thinking they're asexual when not completely, thus a bigger ratio of gals. Hmmmm, come to think of it, maybe I should go to one of those meetups. Thank you for the idea. :)

But in all seriousness, I looked into asexual organizations, and some kind of twist the term. Not that one would have to be fully asexual to be part of a group/organization to help out, contribute, etc -- don't get me wrong. But to identify as Being asexual -- yet, some like masturbation and sexual interaction with others, etc -- and their justification fell flat on it's face in their blogs. Basically, some just wanted an identification, to be part of a "thing", and their sexual comfort-zone/tastes were well outside the norm, and that was the closest thing to it... while True non-sexuals (asexual=non-sexual), like one older guy posting on here before -- has Zero sexual desire... not just having intercourse with someone, but just having a partner-bff.
 LexiInMDR
Joined: 8/25/2015
Msg: 59
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Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/11/2017 7:16:57 AM
Norwegianguy, you obviously know NOTHING about asexuality.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 60
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Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/11/2017 9:52:39 AM

purplerider1200
This meetup discussion has come up before. I've been to a few. Talk rarely went very far, other than names, and what you did for a living. After that, it was focused on the activity. It's just a diversion for single people who don't want spend their free time alone.

I would tend to agree with the above statement. Meetups are most useful for socializing, not for dating. But then, I see absolutely nothing wrong with socializing. Despite what some people think of me, I am capable of engaging in activities that don’t lead directly to sex.


LexilnMDR
Norwegianguy, you obviously know NOTHING about asexuality


From dictionary.com: “free from sexual desires or sexuality”
That sounds pretty straight forward to me, what’s so hard to understand? If you fit that definition, you really, really shouldn’t give a damn about “5 women to every man”.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 61
Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/11/2017 11:29:09 AM
Henry - but you wearing your lucky underwear just in case, right?
Don't think there are meet up groups here
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 62
Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/11/2017 11:42:37 AM

It does not for most men because women with it going on for them are too busy having success in real life.


Which fails to explain why so many millions of women who CLAIM to have "it going on" for them- in their profiles- great family, great friends, great job- even bothered to waste any of their valuable time to set up profiles on the myriad of dating sites on the Internet.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 63
Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/12/2017 5:35:35 AM
if underwear is truly lucky, no one has to wear it for long :)

people can claim to have it going on. Materially, they can have a great family and job and house, but still be boring. of they can be self-centered, but no one's really seen it b/c their great family makes no great demands on them. I've witnessed people who acted nice, and so others felt those people had to be nice. but years later when the economy soured and life become more of an "every man for themselves!", suddenly the nice boss isn't so nice anymore. I find that dating requires more out of a person than being friends with them requires from them. There has to be more honestly, there has to be more inner strength to allow them to open up honestly.
 jrb1979
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 64
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Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/12/2017 10:07:01 AM

Which fails to explain why so many millions of women who CLAIM to have "it going on" for them- in their profiles- great family, great friends, great job- even bothered to waste any of their valuable time to set up profiles on the myriad of dating sites on the Internet


They are the type of women I tend to stay away from. These women are looking for a relationship as long as that person fits into their lifestyle. I dated a woman like that years ago and I find that they are really too busy for a real relationship. I would have a date with her maybe twice a week. Her job took up a lot of her time.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 65
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Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/12/2017 10:56:24 AM

Norwegianguy, you obviously know NOTHING about asexuality.

It's a simple term in and of itself -- it means Zero sexuality. Abacterial = No Bacteria. I'm no expert, but I have looked into asexuality Groups -- where there's more to it than being asexual, which isn't a pure requirement apparently in most circles anyway. More like a strong lack of an attraction to indulge in sexual genital acts with others. But people who self-identify themselves as asexual varies, I found out. But to be purely asexual -- by definition -- is to have no desire to engage in anything sexual. Instead, I've seen folks be very asexual about a number of things but not asexual (but on the down-low) about a few things.

What do you fine asexuality as?
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 66
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Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/16/2017 2:09:45 PM
YOU think internet dating is hard, OP from my first year on the site who has surprisingly scattered 20 posts across 11 years, most recently earlier this year? You make this milestone a little less impressive, but nevertheless, here goes, as it’s all I have in the world right now:

Today, April 16, 2017, is the 10th anniversary of the first day I signed on to Plenty of Fish.

(See, look at my signup date -- 4/16/07! The proof's right there!)

Although I sometimes disappear from both the forums and the dating site for months at a time, due to depression, exhaustion or being too overwhelmed with real life to bother, I have been a member with this same profile continuously for 10 consecutive years. There are a handful of others that I know of who have been here longer continuously (including the OP), but still, I believe it is a milestone worth noting, though probably not celebrating. I never imagined on the day I signed up that this would be my fate, though I’m not sure why, because I remember telling my then-girlfriend (the only one I’ve ever had in my 40-ish years) on the night she broke up with me, April Fools Day 2007, that no woman would probably ever date me again, and she said that was nonsense, and she was sorta right, because I did date someone I had met before I met her for 1 week shortly after we broke up, and then that was it. No real date has ever resulted from my activity on POF. Not that that is some sort of record for futility or anything – I’ve been on Match continuously (minus the two girlfriend years) for almost 20 years and have no dates to show for it.

I estimate that in my decade of POF existence, I have contacted approximately 10,000 women (my current contact history has over 800 still active profiles that I’ve contacted in just the last year alone). I have probably written over 50,000 emails – though the vast majority were one-and-dones with no response, there were a handful of women that decided to mess with my mind for a few weeks (in a couple of cases, more than a year). In that same amount of time, I’ve received about 50 first contact emails, the vast majority of them in my first few years on the site. I have not received a first contact email that wasn’t a scam or forum member since around this time in 2013. In 2015, I went 6 consecutive months without even an unsolicited view, and with the exception of a brief violent burst during summer 2016, I still rarely get them. To say that I am the ultimate POF failure would be the understatement of the century.

Still... I persisted.

Many things have changed since I first arrived. Viewed me has switched back and forth as paid and unpaid numerous times (leading to outright rebellion more than once). First there was no Meet Me, then there was Meet Me, and then I could no longer see who wanted to Meet Me unless I paid. My favorite search was “No New Emails,” which is now long gone, while “Will Respond” is the biggest lie on this site. For a while we could chat, but that got all messed up. For a while men could send private pictures for free, but some men d*cked that all up for all of us. I used to contact 18-year-olds, but now I can’t, even if they want me to contact them. The forums are pretty much the same, except now they’re kind of hidden and there are no moderators. Of course, I gained many enemies and allies over the years, and lost most of them, which is unfortunate, but such is forum life. Oh, I could debate NDTFan forever and never have another worry again. The current contenders are such weak sauce that as I tear their pathetic arguments to kindling, my mind always wanders back to the real world, and that’s just no good.

April is certainly the month of my discontent, what with it also containing the 10 year anniversary of my one girlfriend breaking up with me and the 10 year anniversaries of when I lost my 2 favorite longtime jobs and most of my social life with one of them (and the ex). And next weekend is the 10 year anniversary of my last date. There is nothing on the horizon, no women currently contacting me, no candidates from real life, no hope of that not happening now. It is arguably the second 10 year+ dateless streak of my life and at least the fifth dateless streak of more than a year.

Unless I die, I will probably be here another 10 years, and it will have nothing to do with the forums, which I never really liked and would have deleted myself the second I got a real relationship. There’s a lot of ebb and flow with me and this site, as sometimes I’ll reach the maximum 40 contacts per day, and sometimes I’ll go months without contacting a single woman. Lately I’ve been killing it, trying to stop this streak before it made it to 10 years – apparently almost 400 this year alone. But I imagine a lot of nothing will happen for a while, because I’m so tired. Just so, so tired. All that rejection, it just wears away at you. You start wondering what was the point of your existence at all and are you just a cosmic joke, and all the distraction in the world can’t make you stop thinking about it. It’s like a worm in your brain, just eating deeper and deeper and deeper...

Anyway, someone just point me to the 10 Year Club so I can collect my plaque and make my speech (OP?). I mean, surely POF has a 10 Year Club, right? You can’t tell me that I’ve bled my way through this place for 10 years and all I get for my efforts is eternal loneliness and despair. Come on, Markus. Fire up the false hope. Tell me all about how many times more dates I’m going to get with my next paid subscription. Show me all the beautiful couples’ testimonials. Let me know that love is out there so long as I keep waiting. And waiting. And waiting.

And waiting...
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 67
Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/16/2017 4:38:10 PM
Cliff notes please!

Wtf?!
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 68
Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/16/2017 4:42:44 PM
its his anniversary of his failure here, and he really wants his candle blown.

if it makes you feel better (ha), a friend of 20 years took me out for Easter, she was all dressed up and looking hot for a 60 yr old. kept my eyeballs to myself, and I know full well after all these years...she'd rather be with some jerk than me. personality is important, my ass :)

whatever, there are other hobbies to chase after, so.
 Kj521
Joined: 11/16/2016
Msg: 69
Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/16/2017 5:11:08 PM
"Just so, so tired. All that rejection, it just wears away at you."


Yes, Mr. Hawking. Rejection is very painful.....made even more so when it is done by the self.



vvvvv My heart is with you, Ms. Ouija.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 70
Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/16/2017 5:12:24 PM
But Hawking you don't just wait, you have said all the things you reject from a potential date
Nothing for 10 year btw, 25 you get a watch :)
You are just too hard on yourself and others IMO
If it makes you feel better yesterday was 8 year since my husband died
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 71
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Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/16/2017 8:12:17 PM

Myself, ohenryx
Meetups are most useful for socializing, not for dating. But then, I see absolutely nothing wrong with socializing. Despite what some people think of me, I am capable of engaging in activities that don’t lead directly to sex.



Ouija2025
Henry - but you wearing your lucky underwear just in case, right?

I don’t have any “lucky underwear”. And I think I have mentioned before, I never get “lucky” through Meetup. It just flat doesn’t happen. I have been doing Meetups since the fall of 2013, better than 3.5 years, and I have never once “hooked up” at a Meetup event. I have met women that I later dated, but not once has a woman gone home with me. After 100 or 150 Meetup events attended you would think at least once, but nope, not a single time.

Which is really strange, when you think about it. If I go down to Caps (local watering hole) four Saturday nights in a row, the odds are I will get lucky at least once.

But I do enjoy the socializing. If you remember the theme song from Cheers – “Where everybody knows your name”. When I walk in the door at a Meetup event, there will be a bunch of people who know me, who greet me by name, who act happy to see me. Sometimes that’s worth more to me than “getting lucky”.

Don’t tell anybody I said that. They might take away my man card.


gtomustang
a friend of 20 years took me out for Easter, she was all dressed up and looking hot for a 60 yr old. kept my eyeballs to myself, and I know full well after all these years...she'd rather be with some jerk than me. personality is important, my ass :)

whatever, there are other hobbies to chase after, so.

My younger granddaughter just turned 16, and I spent the day Saturday with her and the rest of the family. Two granddaughters, son, daughter-in-law, various in-laws and out-laws. Some of them I was very happy to see, others not so much. All in all, a good day, reminds me why it is good to be alive. GTO, with all of your relationship (or non-relationship) problems, I hope you have some family around.

 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 72
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Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/16/2017 10:08:27 PM

And next weekend is the 10 year anniversary of my last date. There is nothing on the horizon, no women currently contacting me, no candidates from real life, no hope of that not happening now. It is arguably the second 10 year+ dateless streak of my life and at least the fifth dateless streak of more than a year.

Not having a good batting average (so to speak) isn't your fault... but going oh-for-50,000 -- that is. I know you're stubborn to say otherwise, but remember -- stubbornness is not a virtue, but a weakness. I guarantee that I could take your photos, make my own profile in an area like yours (so they don't overlap being in the same one) -- and get girls responding and dates set up. And no, I'm not talking about gals who are 10 years older and 50lbs heavier, either. But gals in your age range, in which most guys who are even a bit better looking than you would at least say "Yeah, I'd hit that, sure (shrug)," if asked... so you'd have no "buts" on general looks.

And remember, when hitting up the dating circuit, especially online where we're more naturally picky when it comes relationship-possibility -- you're in a position to get your feet wet, get the ball rolling, etc .... not wife-hunting or anything remotely close to that. So getting some playing time on the dating field with gals who aren't primo matches to your heart's content should obviously also be considered.

Seriously: I could make a HawkingSr profile and be setting up dates (but you'd have to drive way out to see them - lol). That, I say with extreme confidence, with no requirements on suaveness either.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 73
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Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/21/2017 1:53:57 PM
Well, I made it to year 10 of datelessness. Oh, glory day. Actually it feels a little anti-climactic. After that mad rush of activity over the past several months in a “To Build A Fire” desperation to end the streak, I just ran out of juice last weekend and gave up. Over the past week I swiped right a few dozen times on Tinder, but haven’t logged on to POF or Match to do anything other than check to see if I had any email (hah!).

So that’s it. Now about to start on year 11... decade 2. Which will no doubt be worse than decade 1. The older you get, the less options there are, no matter who you are, even if you feel like you’re more popular – that’s just statistical fact. My whole life I’ve been looking for a handful of needles in a haystack, and now there are no needles left. (Just to clarify: the needles are women who will date me, not the women I will date – if I was a bottom 1% man 20 years ago, I’m 0.001% now, because the open-minded ones get swooped up fast and are never let go.)

The most frustrating aspect of all is the ridiculous amount of effort I put into it, especially compared to most other men – all the powerlifting and other sports, all the travel, all the school overachieving, all the ladder-climbing, all the socializing, all the independence-establishing, all the movie success, all the research, following as much of the fashion, personality and profile/picture advice I could – it just all meant nothing. I could have gotten the same number of dates over the past 10 years while gaining 200 pounds, becoming unemployed, moving back in with my parents, never leaving my room and smoking enough pot to kill a billion brain cells. Just what is the point?

To “celebrate” (or more like distract me and make sure I’m not alone), my female best friends are taking me out for a night on the town. But then the next day, all the hoopla will have quieted down and I will be all alone again (naturally) and it’ll be day 1 of year 11. During my 20th year, I’ll be in my 50s. During my 30th year, I’ll be in my 60s. It just keeps going on and on until I’m dead. You don’t need someone else controlling the key to your prison cell to know what my fellow Gator alumnus Aaron felt like a couple nights ago. Sometimes you’re just born a prison, and one way or another, you’re going to die in that prison. Just a question of how much suffering you want to do before it happens.

Anyway, happy 10th annivermisery to me. Please, somebody blow out my candle.
 darkginger
Joined: 3/26/2017
Msg: 74
Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/21/2017 2:48:31 PM
I'm white europen Canadian and in an older age group. I'm going on 7 years trying this off and on. I guess im not feeling the desperation because Ive been coupled in long term relationships for most of my life.
Back when both people were invested in a comitted life with someone. I dont think it's possible since online dating.
People can engage in meaningless flirtation and ego petting with many partners, some never leave their homes to meet anyone. Six to 10 partners, or as many as you can seduce, take the place of one. All needs met.
In all this time I've met many, and only two i felt were sincere and wanted something exclusive in my age group. I suppose the younger daters are even less tuned to the relationships their parents had.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 75
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Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/21/2017 3:32:01 PM

Back when both people were invested in a comitted life with someone. I dont think it's possible since online dating.

Who wants to be committed? Never was a fan of those institutions. See One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest. Or the committed institution of marriage. ;) People are into commitment, moreso of folks your age -- but regardless, for everyone, we don't live in a society where being in a relationship for the sake of it is any reward. And it shouldn't be. That'd be pretty sad. Therefore, people become more picky -- but yes, online dating makes people More picky... too picky for their own good. Why? A buffet at their finger tips. And with gals, who up until senior age, have men outnumber them about 2 - 2.5 to 1 -- whoo hoo! It naturally makes people taste-test more, be more picky, etc. Thus, further men to do the same when they get blown off because cuter Curtis sent them a message. This type of thing has always happened -- it just furthers it. Combine it with modern society not needing someone to survive and more independence, it runs pretty high. BUT -- and a very important BUT -- at the end of the day, no, it's not impossible to find someone for a Relationship. Just pickier waters... but on the positive side, more to easily sample from. :)

Well, I made it to year 10 of datelessness. Oh, glory day. Actually it feels a little anti-climactic.

Obviously. 10 years of a gal not seeing you climax is pretty, well, anti-climactic, yes. :)

Now about to start on year 11... decade 2. Which will no doubt be worse than decade 1.

Depends where one lives. For many people, their 40s were better than their 30s. But if you can't get a date no-matter-what, well, there's nothing lower than Zero, so, it can't get Worse. :)

The most frustrating aspect of all is the ridiculous amount of effort I put into it, especially compared to most other men – all the powerlifting and other sports, all the travel, all the school overachieving, all the ladder-climbing, all the socializing, all the independence-establishing, all the movie success, all the research, following as much of the fashion, personality and profile/picture advice I could – it just all meant nothing.

You're going about it wrong, though -- it's not the effort. Whose tree you're barking up, what you're saying, how you carry yourself, etc.

During my 20th year, I’ll be in my 50s. During my 30th year, I’ll be in my 60s. It just keeps going on and on until I’m dead. You don’t need someone else controlling the key to your prison cell to know what my fellow Gator alumnus Aaron felt like a couple nights ago.

You need to be a change-over/make-over type reality show. You have an "Awww, fvck it" attitude. We all do for at least a temporary time given enough singlehood. So run with that notion -- and at least have someone take you under your wing and say "Awww, fvck it", and roll with it and change for the sake of it. Hey, you can't go lower than Zero, right? The worst thing you can do is keep everything you do -- your comfort zone -- and cling to it. Don't do it, man. You're just creating your own grave -- purely your responsibility, ignoring potential.

So which comfort zone is it? Your clung-to comfort zone in how you roll in life -- or changing things up where you will get gals and experience it? You think the latter is impossible... it's not, but sure, it is pretty darn improbable, as you've experienced, unless you change how you roll and open up doors, etc. You'd have to welcome change. To shake your comfort zone. Much like getting OVER an ex, people need to do that to speed up getting over them, even tho naturally they emotionally DON'T want to (ugggh, let me at least have [this]). Until ya understand that concept, you'll keep spinning your tires.

If only you knew the POWER of the dark side. :)
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 76
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Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/21/2017 6:01:02 PM
gtomustang
a woman took you out? Did that mean she paid for you? As for personality not being important as in your inference, it is but chemistry and attraction have to be there.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 77
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Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/21/2017 6:05:47 PM
People have always cheated. It may just be easier now with so many potentials at the click of a button, mobile phones for assignations and women working more and more and meeting other men, etc etc. Monogamy was often lack of opportunity and lack of finances and not really a choice..People stayed together because they had no real option. The modern day world provides more opportunities.

...
 forumslady
Joined: 12/7/2016
Msg: 78
Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/21/2017 8:17:35 PM
letitalegrande- " People have always cheated."
Um, no, some do.
Not everyone gravitates to the lowest common denominator.
My marriage was not a basket of laughs, for a while, but I never cheated.
I left him.
In case you missed it, THAT is always a choice, just like cheating.
Carry on.
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