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Joined: 3/22/2016
Msg: 83
Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!Page 9 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Hawkin you definition of insanity is doing the same thing over again expecting a different result, if what you are doing is not rewarding you change it. I mean even with my badly written, no job, no car and 5'8 I still get meet and greets and women who want to date me.

Re-evaluate your profile get out of the I's, your a writer and cant for the life of me understand that you really cant give a descriptive fun idea of things you do, and how a woman might find it fun to date a guy like you. You dont have to lie but geez you travel, site see you shouldn't have a problem dude. Maybe the way you chat with them?
Joined: 5/24/2012
Msg: 84
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Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 5/2/2017 6:31:02 PM
Why is every thread title and scenario somewhat ridiculous? As in the answer seems obvious.

Folks do not value relationships with friends or more, since technology interfered with the concept of developing what ties you have, which were gotten mainly from proximity of work, school, social ties, and valuing it and only letting go after you tried to work it out.

There is the illusion some flawless person exists online, that many such people are there...

Then you have kids thinking it's a normal way to date. It's a substitute, a panacea to avoid awkwardness, avoid confrontation and rejection and hide in fantasy, idealized worlds. People lie and augment the image they create of themselves. It's a way to be larger than life.

The reality is rarely as good, but mainly people do not value relationships, so why should finding a good one be easy or how would such people know how you have a good ltr, and value it. All our info is from the media, tv, film, nothing like reality.

What you find plentifully is people who want you share your money, connections, body, like commodities, with dissatisfying or dangerous results. There are higher minded people but those into spiritual sides of life, friendship, loyalty, companionship are often seen as delusional time wasters, when truly all one wants is a status symbol on the arm, or a fat bank wad, or a piece of young ass to crow in front of friends.

It sounds jaded but people are kind of not worth the trouble, most of them, creating more problems than not I found, hate to say it.

I think most hold idealized images of their prince or princess and that hope can make one putty in the hands for unscrupulous types. But coming to that conclusion is so negative and disheartening, people go back to an unattainable and palatable fantasy. This remains in their head always and so online is disappointing. In real life at least you know who you are dealing with more...
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 85
Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 5/2/2017 7:23:36 PM

Guys seems to think women have it easier.

They do.

Google Jon Millward's "Cupid on Trial" experiment- done in 2012- for the proof.

I got a lot of guys emailing me,

And a lot of guys would like to see a lot of women emailing THEM.

about 95% had nothing constructive, positive, or nice to say.

I emailed a lot of guy too, 95% didn't respond, the other 5% responded just to be polite.

5% of something is still something.

5% of zero is
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 86
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Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 5/5/2017 12:34:45 PM
Nestaron: I have had dozens of different profiles of many different styles and formats, including as short as a line and as long as a couple of pages. The current one resulted from input by several forum female regulars, although I have updated it a couple of times since then. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from 10 years on this site, it’s that it doesn’t really matter what you write in your profile if women are excluding you from their searches for physical reasons – I can go months without any unsolicited views, because there aren’t any woman who are searching for a man who looks like me (at least not in my metro). Therefore I geared the current profile more toward me initiating contact, including using a main profile picture that’s difficult to discern what I look like from a small thumbnail so my messages won’t get deleted-unread as often as with a clear profile pic – women pretty much have to go to my profile to see exactly what I look like when they get a message from me, and the exoticness of the picture makes it more intriguing than the typical “I can’t tell who this is and don’t care” main profile pic some guys have.

It’s also pretty obvious after over 10,000 first contact messages that it barely matters what I say, as it still all comes back to who I am. Obviously saying something offensive in message 1 (or any other) will get you nowhere, but there is essentially no difference in response rate for “Hi” vs. a couple of detailed paragraphs celebrating the greatness of the woman I’m contacting and the commonalities we have. That said, years ago when I was first on this site, I got some responses from young women who mentioned being quite impressed that I wasn’t sending them the typical meaningless or junky messages, but it’s much easier to impress an open-minded naïve 20-year-old with fancy words than a 40-year-old, who knows exactly what she wants by that point in her life, and it’s never some short, childless, brown-skinned freak-of-nature with an average job and average life and average personality, when there are dozens of tall, good-looking, impressive career guys who are great with kids and a laugh-a-minute (but probably mostly married) contacting them. It’s weird: I assumed things would kind of get better when I was older, because even though there are less options just by population statistics alone, I figured I would be more acceptable than most of the losers that were left, but I failed to take into consideration that just because there are far less single men doesn’t mean there is far less competition, since the most studly men can juggle several women at once – and many of them attempt to do so. Just this past week, I had two women (one in real life, another in OLD) unleash tales of woe on me about meeting the “perfect guy” on Tinder and weeks of bliss later discovering that he was simultaneously dating/married to 5 or more other women. I can barely compete with the true single losers that are left – how am I supposed to compete with the top 10% guys that are married, too?

Trust me: I am the ultimate student of OLD strategy. I’ve read almost every article and study that exists on the subject and participate in studies myself. But apparently sometimes something is so broken it can’t be fixed and should just be thrown away. But it’s very difficult to just throw yourself away.
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 87
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Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 5/5/2017 3:11:34 PM

and average personality

Hawking, you do not have an average personality.
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 88
Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 5/5/2017 5:08:51 PM
^^^ agree
Sometimes I think you just try too hard Hawking
btw, you know there are worse things than being solo.. so at times I wonder if you enjoy the PP
Joined: 3/22/2016
Msg: 89
Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 5/7/2017 3:13:15 PM
There in your evaluation your are right but you are wrong dating strategies dont work for you for a reason. I am going to put a link for you Hawking I suggest you read it cause you already showed me that it rings true for you on multiple levels.

It might help you understand your problem maybe you read it already, and thought the guy was wrong but I assure you based on what you say he is not.
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 90
Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 5/8/2017 6:18:16 AM
Women have it worse in the beginning but men in the long term.
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 91
Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 5/8/2017 1:36:57 PM
Repeat after me....


No matter how smart, attractive or "well off" someone might be. No matter how great a catch they are.

It's especially egregious when one has "easy access" to at least 50 Fishmeets a year...
Joined: 9/7/2016
Msg: 92
Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 5/8/2017 1:44:41 PM
No matter how smart, attractive or "well off" someone might be. No matter how great a catch they are.

Mr. Slaffa, were you the one who said something to the effect about "being cooler online" ???
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 93
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Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 5/10/2017 2:04:20 PM
“Hawking, you do not have an average personality.”

I meant in comparison to extremes, such as the macho ahole who thinks he is (and might be) God’s gift to women or the life-of-the-party guy who is living standup comedy routine that everybody wants to be his friend or the couch potato who still lives with his parents and plays video games all day and can barely say a word to young women without slobbering all over himself – I’m average compared to THOSE guys. I am really not much different in personality from most of my friends: we’re about the same amount of funny, the same amount of smart, the same amount of ambitious and generally have the same typical interests.

About the only way I’m substantially different than most of them (other than appearance -- I look absolutely like none of my friends, as they're all a different race and the males are much taller) is that apparently I take some great pleasure in arguing with strangers over the internet about pointless nonsense for days on end, because when I tell them about that, they look at me like I’m crazy. Which means, of course, that they look upon all of you like you’re crazy, too. My best friend’s reaction to my various real life gatherings of online internet characters (including the POF one a couple years ago) had me rolling in the aisles. There’s something seriously wrong with all of us!

“Sometimes I think you just try too hard Hawking”

There’s no such thing as “trying too hard” on OLD, because it’s all a numbers game for men. All other things being equal, the guys who send out 1 message a year are going to end up with far less dates than the guys who send out 100 messages a week. That’s just statistics. Now if you’re talking about real life, that’s something else altogether. No doubt in the past I have scared off women by trying too hard, but you have to wonder how into me they were if I could scare them off by trying too hard. It’s difficult for me to imagine rejecting or dumping a woman I found attractive because she was too into me, but then again, I’m not a woman and rarely ever get hit on, unlike most women, and I have enough close female friends to know they do sometimes get freaked out by guys they thought they liked because the guy got carried away early on. Fortunately I have naturally evolved to complete indifference toward women and rarely have that problem anymore. Now pretty much every woman I meet feels like I’m not remotely interested in them. Not because I’m trying some sort of reverse psychology “strategy” but because I’m just tired of bothering.

“btw, you know there are worse things than being solo..”

I have enough female friends that have been (or are) trapped in bad relationships to understand what you’re saying, but I have to say my one relationship was extremely dysfunctional, and I’d still take it a million times over being alone. My best friend is trapped in a really crappy marriage, and I’d still rather be in her situation, not so much because I think her bad marriage is better than my eternal loneliness, but because she’s a very attractive woman who gets hit on almost every time we go out, so whenever she finally does decide she’s had enough, the future’s very bright for her – she has thousands of options, some of them likely better. I’m single with almost no options. How is that better than her situation? (If her husband was beating her up or something of that nature, it would be a completely different story – they just have a loveless, loss-of-attraction marriage in which she’s doing all the work... largely literally.)

Especially now and into the future this is true, as I have almost no friends left that aren’t married and/or have children, and I usually have no one to do “single people stuff” with anymore. 15 years ago, not being in relationship and having no children wasn’t really very problematic from a practical point of view because there was a party or clubbing or a concert or a movie every night with a big group of carefree people. Now almost nobody I know wants to leave the house and if I go over to their houses, it’s all about the rugrats running around. But all that said, I have since birth apparently been a very romance-oriented guy, and when you don’t have the means to achieve those romance goals, overcoming that natural instinct is very difficult, so it’s far easier said than done to not feel sad, depressed, unfulfilled and empty about it, not to mention isolated and atypical, since nearly everyone else around me had no issues getting dates and being in relationships, no matter how good or bad. I mean, I do understand why people think I should just “get over it” – at some point in everyone’s lives they realize that certain things are never going to happen for them, like they’re never going to be a famous actor or a pro football player or rock gods or a CEO of a fortune 500 company or what have you, and they make life work anyway. But my situation is different from all of those, because we’re talking about a fundamental element of being human that nearly everyone succeeds at – I mean, over 95% of all people get married at least for a little at some point in their lives, the vast majority by my age. I couldn’t accomplish something that I wanted to accomplish that over 95% of the population achieves. 95% of people aren’t going to become famous actors or pro athletes or rock gods or fortune 500 company CEOs so the psychology of getting over those things is a lot easier than getting over a complete total failure at romance... especially considering it is often romance (and children resulting from it) that allows those people to get over not being famous actors or pro athletes or rock gods or fortune 500 company CEOs.

“It's especially egregious when one has ‘easy access’ to at least 50 Fishmeets a year...”

When I get to be about 64, these Florida Fishmeets might work out for me. Until then, I’d largely just be meeting substitute mothers at these things. Last year there was one within walking distance of my place that had a decent amount of under-40 sign-ups but it fell on the night of the Duran Duran concert, and I haven’t seen one that was averaging under about 55 since. This year I am thinking about trying nerd speed dating at ComicCon but last year I was actually too old for that – most of those women were in their late teens/early 20s (I know I look that age, but I am not). I’m just at a really bad age for meeting people close to my age, since most everybody this age is married – gotta wait for those divorces (I’m sure most of them will be real catches).
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 94
Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 5/10/2017 3:00:09 PM

5% of something is still something.

5% of zero is

Exactly. Having initial interest in 5 out of 100 people that email you is better than not getting any emails at all. At least you would have a chance to possibly go out on dates with them.
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 95
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Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 5/10/2017 4:13:33 PM
Well, Hawking, people have been saying to get over it. Quit griping about it and start doing it. Beefing about being short doesn't make you any taller. I'm tall, and I can assure you, that it means zero. If you have few bills, and plenty to cover them, rejoice. Not everyone can. (Way more than you think.)

Being in a dysfunctional relationship, can really bring you down. More than you know. Life really sucks when you get to argue with your significant other several times a week. In a situation like that, it isn't unusual for your "Special other" to go out and blow most of your money. Reality hits hard when you go buy groceries, use your ATM, find out you have zero money, and have to leave it all on the belt. Want to see the looks that most will give you when you have to do that. Wanna guess what they're thinking?

Or, need gas for your car, it's on fumes, and 40 miles away from home. Feel like begging for gas money to get home? How about going out to eat with your nagging squeeze, and she gripes at you while you're waiting to be seated. That can get old fast.

A fair many of us hesitate, even decide to not get involved, because we don't want to take a chance on getting the short end of the stick, again.
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 96
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Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 5/19/2017 3:03:23 PM
“It makes me feel sad for you that you feel this way, I would rather spend the rest of my days alone than being in a dysfunctional relationship”

It was dysfunctional in the sense that it was basically an “affair” involving two people who weren’t dating anyone else. Her racist parents would have disowned her if they found out she was dating me (and she was young enough that I felt like that would have destroyed her life), so we actually kept it a secret from almost everyone except close friends for 2 years, and that aspect was the cause of the vast majority of the “dysfunction.” I’m not about to sit here and tell you she was the love of my life or anything, and she did quite a few things that annoyed me that had nothing to do with the affair situation (for example, she cried, often uncontrollably, over every little thing), but had we been able to date openly, we would have been a half-decent couple because we had a good number of things in common (at that time; her current support for Trump tells me we have far less in common now) and generally had a good, fun time together... in secret. Hiding everything from almost everybody just eventually caused us to break down. But most everything else about it was quite good, and my social life was at its zenith at that point – we were even doing couples things with our couples friends that knew we were dating, and I was very rarely ever alone. Comparatively, for the last couple of years, I have spent about 120 out 168 hours most weeks by myself – and obviously have spent most of the other 48 at work. And on that note...

“If you can't make yourself happy by yourself, what makes you think you can make someone else happy to be with you.”

The vast majority of people can only amuse themselves for a few hours a week. Those that can live that way for many hours usually end up in a remote cabin in the mountains, making bomb parts, or in house at the end of the street, filled with dozens of cats (I have no pets, btw, and probably never will). I had long assumed that would be me, but the Girlfriend Era made me realize just how much of a social creature I am when people give me a chance. Living basically like Tom Hanks in “Cast Away” despite being an in an extremely urban area is really starting to mess with my mind – water, water everywhere, and not a drop to drink. No Wilson yet, but I’m sure that’s around the corner. I sometimes make extra trips to the grocery store on weekends just for the additional human contact – 60 straight hours by myself makes me a little loopy. I understand what you’re saying and it’s probably not helpful with women, but then again I have met 3 single women in real life between the ages of 25 and 50 over the past 4 years (one of which was almost 6 feet tall), so I tend to doubt I’m sabotaging myself too much with my inability to keep myself entertained for 6000+ hours a year.

Purple: Yeah, I gotta say I can’t relate to anything you said. My ex-girlfriend most certainly did not use me for money. I doubt that will ever happen, unless I win the lottery. I think most women that are like that feel they can find a better looking guy who is the same level of “comfortable” I am. Man, I have been on this site for over 10 years, and can count the number of scammers I’ve come across on one hand, yet most guys around here claim it’s a common problem. What’s up with that? I’m not even attractive enough for scammers?! Tinder this year has been on fire with scammers, though. The first one almost fooled me but the subsequent ones have been fairly obvious – I even toy around with them for several messages just to see how much I can mess with their minds while they’re trying to mess with mine!

Your height and race are tremendous advantages over me in dating, particularly online dating – it’s difficult to understand how you have blown those advantages to the extent that you have, to end up in basically the same place I am. Though basically your post suggests you’re done bothering and have been done bothering, and giving up is a nearly guaranteed way to end up with nothing.
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 97
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Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 5/19/2017 4:59:24 PM

Your height and race are tremendous advantages over me in dating, particularly online dating – it’s difficult to understand how you have blown those advantages to the extent that you have, to end up in basically the same place I am. Though basically your post suggests you’re done bothering and have been done bothering, and giving up is a nearly guaranteed way to end up with nothing.

Tremendous advantage???? Ohh kkk, ahh how?
I suppose, if I got a response or two, then I might be able to agree with you. I've gotten a few personal replies, courtesy of the forums. (Due to my forum comments) I see nothing from personal messaging. I was done with the personal end of this website years ago. I accepted that, and moved on to coping with a solo lifestyle, instead.

They may look at me, and decide to launch some personal vendetta against me, because I remind them of someone that gave them a raw deal back when. Of course, I have no way of knowing that. I'm better off just dealing with me, and the heck with what they think.
Joined: 12/23/2014
Msg: 98
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Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 5/31/2017 2:36:24 AM
Those who've had success OLD say not to meet in real life as soon as so as not to waste eachother's time building castles in the air and to help determine level of interest.

If they're open to meet fine. It gives an opportunity to determine options if not, then it's decided and one simply moves on.
Joined: 12/7/2016
Msg: 99
Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 5/31/2017 7:34:23 PM
purplerider1200- Out of all the men here, you manage to make me wonder about you.
Sometimes you post awful things, like women being there for sex and to take up space.
You complain a lot.
However, every now and then I see posts from you that are wonderful.
I always remember the latter.
There's a good man in there. Or, maybe your positive posts just fool me.
I wish you would make up your mind.
I have a past too, I wasn't treated well, that sux, but it's the past.
Whoever hurt you, or did you wrong, doesn't represent the totality of women.
My ex is an azz, and so are some men here. There are a lot of good men too, both here and IRL.
I keep rooting for you to be one of the good ones.
Maybe go ahead and tell me you don't care, tell me you are just hopelessly jaded.
At least then, I could stop looking for you to post something else good, because when you do, you come across as a man who could do better than you think, if you would just think more of women and not be stuck in the past.
(ps- I bet a million dollars that your profile pic is you seated with a grandchild in your lap. Yeah, ok, I can kind of see the top of their head, so that was a hint. You look so happy, children can do that, especially grandchildren. )
Joined: 5/25/2017
Msg: 100
Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 5/31/2017 11:59:19 PM
Meeting people in public is just as difficult as dating online. Try gaining the attention of someone whose iPhone is so close to their face you could swear it was LaForge's visor in Star Trek.
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