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 nicelegs1st
Joined: 4/22/2006
Msg: 33
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THE BEST THING TO DO AFTER A BREAK UP IS......Page 7 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
OMG!!! the exact same thing just happened to me. Every word you said describes my feelings and what just happened to me. I am so glad I went into this forum thing now. I now know that I am not the only one and I do feel a bit better.(not that we both are hurting) but to know we are not alone and there is hope for the future..so thanks chicoloca
 islandgal3
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 34
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THE BEST THING TO DO AFTER A BREAK UP IS......
Posted: 4/28/2006 9:50:32 PM
I read somewheres in a book that was given to me by a very dear friend that losing your other half or BF in this case is just the same as mourning someone that U have lost to death.


To my way of thinking it's NOT the same. My husband didn't have a choice (fatal heart attack) ... he didn't leave me to play around on the side ... didn't lie or cheat or need to stay "good friends" with prior sex-play buddies or insensitively worse, would have liked me to be friends with his prior sex-play buddies. An ex b/f DID have a choice - a LOT of them - too many chances. Yes, there is mourning in both, and different mourning "steps" or "levels" one goes through. But betrayal and emotional abuse, unlike death, leave searing scars.

A saying I came upon once is very telling .... "The death of a dream is not like the death of a person. It's far worse. With the death of a person you still get to hold onto your illusions of that person, you are not allowed the luxury of holding onto illusions with the Death of a Dream." When a dream, and/or a fantasy, is stolen, it's gone. Get a new one. Yeah, easier said than done - lol - but try.

Doing something different and making even minor changes in your life (new sport, hobby, hairdo, clothes, furniture, whatever) definitely helps.
 MeowDude
Joined: 4/14/2006
Msg: 36
THE BEST THING TO DO AFTER A BREAK UP IS......
Posted: 5/12/2006 10:54:53 PM
let a woman beat me or have sex with strangers
 UpForFun?
Joined: 4/4/2006
Msg: 42
THE BEST THING TO DO AFTER A BREAK UP IS......
Posted: 5/17/2006 11:42:35 AM
Hey...I've been married for 10 years, and separated about 7 months ago.
It was hard at the beginning, for sure, because we shared custody of my son, 5, and it was the most painful thing I've ever experienced...not hearing my son's foot steps running down the hallway when I'd get out of the car, only to open the door and hear him say "maman, je t'aime"...
It was not the idea of a failed marriage, it was the idea of letting my son down...that's what killed me inside...
So, things to do...concentrate on staying positive, for the sake of your children...to me, the idea of having another "woman" raising my child, while I'm going "nuts", it was enough to scare me!! Everytime I had a hard day, or couldn't fall asleep at night because I'd choke on my own tears, I'd think of that....Get enough sleep, eat well, take your vitamins.
I know people here are supportive, and say that time heals....and yes, it does. But you want something that works for you RIGHT AWAY....So while the wine is fine, don't go down that road...think of your children! The week I didn't have my son, I got myself a little part time job, as a waitress, just to be around people. ANd the week I had him, i was on cloud 9.
So, hang in there, don't think long term...think one day at the time...think of someone else raising your children instead of you....Can you picture that? If the answer is no, than just do it...take care of yourself...

Oh, and one more thing...people will be quick to tell you to "get over one by getting under one"....no, unless you are ready. Give yourself time...Go from mad at your ex, to forgiving him, than back to mad....it's normal. No person in this world can heal a broken heart...unless u are ready for that... I guess (not that I've done it), but one night stands can get rid of the "sexual urges"....but will never rid you of a broken heart....

Take care, and I hope I was able to give you some advise, I was there 6 months ago!!!
 Ratero-park-man
Joined: 2/2/2006
Msg: 46
THE BEST THING TO DO AFTER A BREAK UP IS......
Posted: 5/17/2006 9:46:38 PM
honestly I am not sure, just try to get up as much as you can and just hope that the next person you come across is the one for you.
 MarkCK
Joined: 9/24/2005
Msg: 53
THE BEST THING TO DO AFTER A BREAK UP IS......
Posted: 5/23/2006 4:33:01 AM
keep busy, watch movies! see friends, do active things, get plenty of sleep, don't lay in bed thinking about them (and not sleeping!!) that last ones a good one to get over!! as rest is really important

think of things you enjoy and make them happen
 PuffyDee
Joined: 11/8/2005
Msg: 58
THE BEST THING TO DO AFTER A BREAK UP IS......
Posted: 5/24/2006 9:25:20 PM
one thing for sure is dont listen to sad music...makes u more heartbreaking and reminds u of those memories.

how abt some black eye peas or dont cha by ****cat dolls? hehehe
 Mimi T
Joined: 3/31/2006
Msg: 61
THE BEST THING TO DO AFTER A BREAK UP IS......
Posted: 5/25/2006 12:00:23 AM
Well I went back to an old boyfriend that my ex hated cause he had a bigger dik and longer hair (he knew about tha dik cause i told him) and made sure his friends found out about it.... LOL Hey loves a b**ch, a b**ch sucks and then you die from some kind of rot ya cant wash off.... lol
 oggers
Joined: 5/10/2007
Msg: 63
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THE BEST THING TO DO AFTER A BREAK UP IS......
Posted: 8/14/2008 12:18:30 AM
Find things to do to take your mind off your breakup .. throw yourself into your work or your hobby for a while, HAPPY music, loud (!), date plenty of others in a non-serious relationship kinda way .. stuff like that , and if you need someone to have a non serious relationship with, drop me a line lol
 mddunlap
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 65
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THE BEST THING TO DO AFTER A BREAK UP IS......
Posted: 8/14/2008 2:27:54 PM
ok i need help iv been talking to a girl 4 years always had a bf then he cheated on her so 1 month latter she asked me out i trated her like she was my prices cuz she was my world i loved her so much she said it felt like a dream cuz no one ever treated her like i was but 3 months latter she starts talking bought her ex and dumps me saying she dont know wtf iv tried drinking work 60 hours a week stil cant get her off my mind any help ?

now she calling and saying maybe in time we will get back together but im tied of being the fall back guy i just want to hate her but i cant so it makes it hard to move on i still smile when i see her pics (there every where im trying to get rid of them )
any one ?
 mdk
Joined: 11/19/2006
Msg: 68
THE BEST THING TO DO AFTER A BREAK UP IS......
Posted: 8/14/2008 2:51:53 PM
Everyone is different....

But, regardless of the person it takes time. You have options: #1 you can dismiss the break up like it was nothing and internalize it. This will manifest into health issues. #2, you can suffer for a long time and never make progress. #3, you can acknowledge what the relationship meant to you, cry your heart over and slowly start to rebuild your life. Find a new hobby, join clubs, dive into work projects or get a pet..... Over time you will grow from this experience and be a better person. A free website helped me called divorcerecovery101.com check it out as it took years off of my recovery. The next thing to realize is that millions of people have gone through what you are going through... I used to think that I was the only one and that my relationship was so much more special.... I found that others had what I had....

Bets of luck and believe in who you are.
 heyohhhhhh
Joined: 10/28/2008
Msg: 70
THE BEST THING TO DO AFTER A BREAK UP IS......
Posted: 8/26/2010 11:52:30 AM
never happened.
 Dumpling-Girl
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 76
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THE BEST THING TO DO AFTER A BREAK UP IS......
Posted: 8/29/2010 10:35:12 AM
things I tend to do to feel better after a breakup:

Get a haircut (or new clothes, or whatever makes you feel like you've got a new look)

travel (getting out of town is a great distraction, even if you have to go alone, you can book with a group tour or something if you are not comfortable with travelling alone. But travelling alone is so much fun.)

flirt! (not to date, just to remember that there are fun parts to being unattached)
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 82
THE BEST THING TO DO AFTER A BREAK UP IS......
Posted: 10/27/2010 12:14:39 AM
I sleep with a new girl every weekend until I get tired of looking at a new girl...
 Fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 83
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THE BEST THING TO DO AFTER A BREAK UP IS......
Posted: 10/27/2010 9:12:57 AM
For the 1st month after, I threw myself into work and worked 80 hours a week.

After that, I decided to put more energy into doing fun things to get my mind off of it.

I now have a goal of doing one positive, proactive thing each day, that will help me detach from him.

Break ups suck, but without them we would be 40 year old virgins.
 jezebellpgh
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 85
THE BEST THING TO DO AFTER A BREAK UP IS......
Posted: 10/30/2010 6:35:25 AM
Lisa:

In 1991, I took to organized hikes with the Sierra Club due to a break up. It became a 12 yr or so activity until I got arthritis in my left ankle. Wow, its great to meet up with people and chat for hours about everything under the sun, along with really getting to appreciate all four seasons and loving the scenic views of PA (in my case).
 prettypetitepolite
Joined: 1/7/2010
Msg: 94
THE BEST THING TO DO AFTER A BREAK UP IS......
Posted: 1/15/2011 9:51:41 PM
I agree with the "keep yourself busy" , cry when need to, and putting yourself first although if u are anything like me, that's hard especially being a parent and a nuturer.

I went to college after my divorce, and I devleoped a great sense of self worth from my own demise and perserverence. It will do you alot of good to put faith into yourself, and the good lord, and have a tad bit of wine to cure those blues when they arise.

I just broke up with someone I cared and loved very deeply although I shouldnt have given him so much of me and got little in return. Actually, he kicked me to the curb. The right attitude to have is to believe that in time, and when it is meant to be, another one will join you to fill the empty nights and days with joy and love. I believe in that, although the grieving process is harsh right now. Jumping from one pot to another right away is dumb. Get right with you again first.
 prettypetitepolite
Joined: 1/7/2010
Msg: 95
THE BEST THING TO DO AFTER A BREAK UP IS......
Posted: 1/15/2011 10:01:08 PM
Well put FyrKrakn!!!! And so very true. Done it a time or two. It works.
 marknotmike
Joined: 2/28/2007
Msg: 99
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THE BEST THING TO DO AFTER A BREAK UP IS......
Posted: 2/9/2011 4:53:50 PM
When I went through my toughest breakup (first love), I found that sports and working out took my mind off of it. Anytime I started to dwell on it, night or day, I'd get the heck to a basketball court somewhere and play ball. Thank goodness for 24 hour gyms.

Just don't overdo it like I did--I pushed myself too hard and tore my ACL--I didn't have much choice but to just sit around and think about things after that as video games, tv, and books weren't quite the same distraction for me.

Moderation! Moderation.
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 104
THE BEST THING TO DO AFTER A BREAK UP IS......
Posted: 2/20/2011 12:54:42 PM
I didn't have a breakup...yet, it ended all the same...I was crushed...and I didn't know what to do or how to feel...somehow, I felt my way into the forums...and for me the anonymity of the internet let and helped me to express my feelings...to let go...so now I'm sooo...ok
 zaphod23
Joined: 7/30/2010
Msg: 116
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THE BEST THING TO DO AFTER A BREAK UP IS......
Posted: 4/5/2011 9:16:13 AM
Bloke here. Average looks. slim, 49. Wish i was a woman. A one nighter would be great, not even kissed a woman for 2 years. But I dont think you ladies understand how difficult it is for us guys to just go out and get laid, you really DO need to be a 'boy' a 'jack the lad' its true!!
 zaphod23
Joined: 7/30/2010
Msg: 118
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THE BEST THING TO DO AFTER A BREAK UP IS......
Posted: 4/7/2011 7:39:27 AM
Ineresting reply, nicely put!
You must admit though, that if your just an average looking guy like myself and are a litttle shy, then its really hard to find a partner. Yes of course thats what I want, thats what most people want; love, companionship and all that comes with it.
I've been trying on this site for 9 months and got nowhere, I sit in pubs and dont swagger up to ladies and give them corny lines. I would feel a fool! So, more advice please:- how am I going to find LOVE?
Its harder for MEN!! Who's going to chat me up?
 valleyguyaz
Joined: 11/13/2008
Msg: 120
THE BEST THING TO DO AFTER A BREAK UP IS......
Posted: 4/12/2011 8:58:38 AM
i think that all depends on the person.

the best thing to do is to learn from your mistakes so your next relationship is a better relationship.

if you realize that your a major reason for being in bad relationhips then maybe you should take some time and look at yourself before entering your next relationship.
 licoricecat_1
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 122
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THE BEST THING TO DO AFTER A BREAK UP IS......
Posted: 4/16/2011 9:37:43 AM
journal in a notebook, exercise, go to a support group that applies, take up an active sport that you always wanted to do. Pray and give it to God.
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