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 AUTHOR
 Optimistic for 2008
Joined: 5/2/2008
Msg: 264
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???Page 9 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
Nofooling 43.....You hit the Nail on the Head....


The real truth and everyone knows it.. is what you write doesn't matter if they don't like the picture you could be shakespear and your not going to get a reply....
 dwinottawa
Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 271
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 10/15/2008 4:15:57 PM
I can understand why men don't always want to take the first step. It doesn't matter who sends the first message, you don't know what's going to come out of it, so it's a risk. I personally have no problem sending an email to a guy if their profile interests me. I have contacted numerous men, and very few of them have replied back, so it is a two way street in that respect.

But here is what befuddles me. A guy puts me on his favorites. I respond telling him I'm flattered and I give him my hotmail address. He reads the email, deletes it, and I never hear back from him. Even more puzzling though, is the fact that he does not delete me from his favorites either. So what's up with that????

Anyway, that's my 2 cents worth.
 dwinottawa
Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 273
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 10/15/2008 9:38:02 PM
Don't take my word for how the favorites work Avid. Everyone seems to have their own definition of how it works. In my mind's eye, if I am put on someones favorites, I figure they want me to contact them if I am interested. Other people believe that if someone puts you on their favorites, they should still make the first email contact. It's seems to be an ongoing debate with myself and a couple of my friends, and even from what I have read in the many different forums.

Personally I don't use the favorites. If I am interested in perhaps meeting someone, I will make the first contact with an email. That way there is no confusion. In this case, my confusion is with the person who put me on their favorites, and then doesn't respond when I contact him.

Maybe someone can answer the question better on how the favorites might/should work, there seem to be several people here forums who know quite a bit more of how the systems works. I'm still a newbie myself.

Happy fishing.
 komodo
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 277
view profile
History
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 10/30/2008 3:30:23 PM

Men do not ever "TAKE THE FIRST STEP" They do not email first, they do not ask you out, they very rarely volunteer a phone number. Some refuse to post pics on their profile and it is a must for me.....(You have seen me and it is not fair if I have not seen you.....Quid pro Quo....is clearly in my profile. )They do not take the first step at anything. Or is this just me. Please let me know if it is just me having this problem or many......Thanks classy


I saw this on another form post;
with all due respect to the originator of THAT post (from the US) , I'll paraphrase;
"they're afraid of rejection..."

Stay casual.
 Danteslnferno
Joined: 12/12/2005
Msg: 279
view profile
History
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 10/30/2008 5:49:22 PM
Men do make the first move still. The thing is, when we make the first move over and over again and get shot down over and over again we tend to get a bit jaded and probably end up giving up.

A man can only get shot down so many times before the white flag comes up and is waved. Trust me on this one. I'm there. lol
 Firmbear8
Joined: 2/12/2006
Msg: 280
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 10/30/2008 9:21:35 PM
Hey why should us men bother trying when 99% of the time all the women do is delete with out even reading the email.
Ask them out !lol
How could you even think of asking a woman on here out when they delete emails with out reading them!
Yes most women will check for email and when they get one all they do is check the guys profile and if he does not own a home & younger then the lady then you can count on a delete with out reading. In short their checking you out to see what you have and if it is not posted in your profile guys your not worth nothing!

As for being shot down hell thats fun I don't mind I also play battle field 2 and call of duty 4 and get shot down all the time there also !LOL
So thats no probs there! haha

But I do know if your not mr just perfect you won't ever get a read & replied email from women ! Yet if you do then you have to accept whom ever replies as she is or your a can of spam with out a can !LOL

But then if your a party animal/drink alot and love to party then you'll be a stud on here and a hot catch ! And then they'll compalin later they keep meeting the wrong guys !LOL
 dwinottawa
Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 282
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 10/31/2008 4:51:18 PM
I don't think giving my hotmail address is scaring them away 20, and if it is, that's their problem. As I said in my post, I am really not sure how the favorites work. In fact, I brought back an old post about favs and how people regarded them, because I was looking for answers. The post didn't stay alive very long, and I didn't get any more info that I already had.

I have had guys give me their phone number on the first contact, and if I liked their profile I contacted them. I have had guys put me on their favs and they have never contacted me at all. After awhile I delete them. If they don't want to clarify to me why they put me on, then why should I bother to be on their list, I'm not a bookmark(maybe they will contact me if they don't see something better??). I delete them.

I give my hotmail address for the simple reason that I don't like to be on the POF site any more than I have to. The forums, different story. If they want to contact me, which many have, on my hotmail, that's fine - if not that's fine too.

As for the favs, I now have one person on mine - someone who has become very special to me, and me to him (one of the ones that sent me his phone number first contact lol, and I'm sure glad I didn't run for the hills lol). The other fellows whose favs list I am still on I am still in contact with, they are my friends.

This is a site for meeting people. Whether one meets the person of their dreams or not remains to be seen for each of us. It is only a tool. Oftentimes I find that a lot of people only want to talk, and never really want to meet in person. Talk is easier than dealing one on one with someone. I have met my fair share of those as well. Great profiles, but no desire to live up to it.

So for now I have my one special fav, who, by the way, made the first contact, and I am more than happy to see where it goes, which only time will tell.

So guys, some of us gals really do respond when you make the first move.

And for now I'll still hang out here on the forums and put my 2 cents in.
 cdn27
Joined: 12/16/2007
Msg: 285
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 11/2/2008 2:46:22 AM
I think enough has been said and the male point of view is out there......I've always contacted the woman....no replies....no replies.......no replies......some reply.....no replies.....if your not 100 percent what they want......click next......I think we have taken the first step......its the woman who don't take the time to get to know someone before judging them on a profile....or picture.....you need to learn whats beneath the cover.
 dwinottawa
Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 287
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 11/2/2008 7:14:37 AM
"I don't think giving my hotmail address is scaring them away 20, and if it is, that's their problem

Why is it our problem?"

Sorry My I, I guess I worded that wrong. I always explain in my email as to why I have given them my hotmail address, which is the simple fact that I don't like to be on the POF site proper if I don't have to be. I am not dissing the men. We all make the decision as to whether or not we want to respond to any email that is sent to us, regardless of who takes the first step. If you had seen my first posting on this thread, you would know that I fully understand why men don't always want to make the first contact.

I think dating is an equal opportunity event, especially in today's dating scene and the internet. Everything we do is a risk. I have made the first contact on many occasions, and some of the men followed through, some didn't. Whatever the reason people have to read and delete, or just delete, that's their decision.

There a lot of stuff that seems to go on in this world of cyber dating that befuddles me, but I don't worry about it. I move on and look for another opportunity.

So as the great Bobby McFerrin said "Dont' worry, be happy!".

Life's too short!!!
 cdn27
Joined: 12/16/2007
Msg: 288
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 11/2/2008 11:04:19 AM
We give up on you lol......you can't be bothered with most when it's such an easy convenience to move to the next. You judge before knowing anyone. How could you know without finding out yourself?
 dwinottawa
Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 291
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 11/2/2008 2:14:05 PM
Well Cdn27, I move on if I get no response. I have met several guys from the site, and enjoyed meeting them. Some I still talk to, some we went our different ways. I'm not going to worry about why someone reads and deletes or just deletes. And if a guy contacts me, or adds me to his favs and then I don't hear anything more, or they think I'm pushy because I give my hotmail address, why should I worry about it? At this point now it is a mute point anyway, because I have started seeing someone, and I have hidden my profile to give this relationship a shot. I'm hoping for the best, of course. If it works I'll be the happiest woman on this earth. If it doesn't, then I will be back. But you won't get rid of me, I'll still be hanging out on the forums putting in my 2 cents.

And again I will add, it was the guy that made the first contact. He took the chance, I didn't delete, I responded. And all is good.
 Mayah66
Joined: 12/23/2007
Msg: 292
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 11/2/2008 3:31:57 PM
I think many men still make the first move and I don't envy them. It's a lot of pressure. I'm also a firm believer that if I want something, I should speak up. People are not mind readers. So, I do initiate contact if I read a profile and I think that person and I might have enough in common. I've only been back a couple of weeks though and I have just been testing the waters so far.

A quick comment for the men who seem disillusioned with the lack of responses they get. I'm not sure what kind of first contact you are making but I know I only reply to those who seem to actually have made an effort to read my profile. I don't bother with the generic emails. Likewise, when I send someone an email, I pick up on something that was said in the profile and use that as an opening. So maybe a more personal touch would get a higher rate of response?
 allstar3605
Joined: 5/7/2008
Msg: 293
view profile
History
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 11/3/2008 9:26:46 PM
I just think girls are too demanding these days they can't really make up their mind , i mean i made the first move many times almost every girl i met but this one girl said something like she didn't wanna go out with me and like 2 weeks later she asked me out. So i dunno what it is maybe girls get confused or something i don't really know.. but most of the time i make the first moves , so yeah all not all guys are the same..
 komodo
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 295
view profile
History
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 11/12/2008 7:31:16 PM
-unread/deleted (yes, woman get millions of messages everyday), message says "read" until the system deletes it, women don't take the first step anymore (because they're afraid of being ignored or deleted?), its easy to click a mouse.....

Any or all of the above or possibly none of the above , men just get tired of putting up the effort and getting deleted or ignored. We seem to have a crisis, maybe the gov't could bail us out and give us billions to research this issue!

Stay Casual.
 Firmbear8
Joined: 2/12/2006
Msg: 296
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 11/12/2008 9:41:48 PM
Well ladies I did a little test since last posting in this forum .
And so far I had 3 deletes with out reading the email and 4 still at not read.
So thats almost half of the 7 emails that were deleted with out being read.
Probbly the other 4 will end up the same as the first three did and you wonder why guys don't bother trying to make first contacts !!! Looks more like I am more right then wrong in this trying to make first contact forum !!
 dwinottawa
Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 297
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 11/12/2008 10:48:36 PM
Well FB, I really can't explain why the ladies would delete your email without reading it. A lot of the people have said they do look at the profile before reading the email. Myself, I open all my email, see what they have to say, and then view their profile while I am in the email. It never dawned on me to check the profile first. And yes, there have been guys that I did not respond to......like the 20 and 30 somethings, and the guys that tell me what they are going to do to me in bed. And yes, when I first joined I had a lot of them. People always talk about the mail settings, well my setting is for men, age 47 to 60. I'm still trying to figure out how the 20-30 range guys managed to get through to me in the first place.

Now, at the risk of you getting on my case, I must say that your profile is not that inviting. It comes across quite snarly in my opinion. As you say, you have been on here awhile and are disillusioned with the women on POF, and I guess that is why you are so blunt. Your opening sentence especially. I do like your choice of music, so to me that would be something that would tweak my interest. So all in all I would probably respond and at the very least start a conversation. But then again, I've come to know a bit about you here on the forums, and although you piss me off from time to time, you have also made me laugh, and I have agreed with a lot of things you said. It doesn't matter anyway, because I live more than two hours away from you lol.

But you know, it's not only the women who read and delete, or just delete. In the instances that I have contact guys only one was not read, and only two or three actually replied. The rest just read my email and chose not to respond. So I guess it will just continue to be something to scratch our head and wonder about (well myself anyway).
 Firmbear8
Joined: 2/12/2006
Msg: 298
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 11/13/2008 8:14:36 AM
Well now my profile is not narly nor was I in a narly mood when I posted it.

I like to be honest and to the point about things!
Way too many love too leave too much out in their profiles .
And that only leaves people to wonder and not really knowing what the other person is looking for or what their like .

It seems everyone wants to leave everything up to the
>>> (well if you want to find out contact me ) <<<<
Yet even then thats almost impossible as most never read and just delete .
So that leads me to the conclusions that those who don't read & reply are just here to take up space or their gamers looking to see who they can con for something.
And that way by being straight up in my profile you not only know what I am seeking you also know I am not here to play games with your head or waste your time.
But then have you ever seen a woman make her mind up on something or someone and then 5 seconds later change her mind and not be interested at all ??
LOL
Yep we have all seen that !
 Celticmist
Joined: 2/1/2005
Msg: 299
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 11/13/2008 11:22:36 AM
LOL FB's profile is him, he's blunt in it, but I didn't really find it narly.

Some people reply to the emails, some do not - this applies to both men and women.

My theory is if someone catches your interest with their looks and/or profile - and you are really serious about meeting someone - you will make the first contact.

I always read a man's profile carefully and I will answer all emails that I receive, as long as they are not rude or crude.

I have to add one disclaimer though - I had one whose email, I could barely understand and the man gave me his phone number and said to call him. I didn't answer as I didn't know what to write. If I write that I prefer to meet men in person at a POF event , which is what it says in my profile - I am not sure he would understand what I was saying. I will probably reply with that, but I am not hopeful.

One reason people (men and women) read/delete or unread/deleted is that when they do answer to say " Thank you for your interest but I have read your profile and do not feel we are compatible " ( or any other polite 'No Thanks') , they then will receive a tirade of venomous and crude remarks back from the person they said they weren't interested in. I have received enough of the nasty ones myself, so now if I reply that I am not interested in someone, I also block them at the same time.
 Firmbear8
Joined: 2/12/2006
Msg: 300
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 11/14/2008 9:06:47 AM
Well my little test about making first contacts is still Shooting zero replies.
So far its now 4 deletes and not even read emails and 3 not even read.
So ladie do not blame guys for not trying to make contacts if you are not gonna at least have the respect to read them .
 takestwo13
Joined: 8/11/2008
Msg: 305
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 11/16/2008 7:58:49 PM
I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way!
Being fairly new on this site - I would like to know the format on this site.
If they show up on your Inbox, Favorites or Who Viewed You - does that mean they are interested? Because no one seems interested in sending a message.
I have also taken the "first step" & sent an E-Mail to get no response.
Very frustrating.
 Celticmist
Joined: 2/1/2005
Msg: 306
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 11/16/2008 10:07:18 PM
people who have viewed you - have simply viewed you - maybe to find out what age you are, get a better view of the pic, read your profile etc etc ..... it does NOT automatically mean they are interested in you.

Favourites are anybody's guess - maybe it's like a wink,
maybe he thought he might like you but didn't have time to check out your profile, so he added you to favourites so he could find your profile again easily,
maybe he's trolling by adding a whole bunch of women to his favs and seeing who contacts him
maybe he is actually too lazy to email you and wants a woman who will do most of the work in a relationship, so figures by adding you to his favs - he's done his bit
maybe there are as many reasons for adding a person to favs as there are fish in the sea - if I can get my ESP working - maybe I will be able to tell.

Now I said "he" in my answer - because a) a woman asked the question, b) I am a woman - but he and she are completely interchangeable in my post.

If everyone (men and women) sits back and hopes someone from the opposite sex will contact them if they are interested, some people are going to have a very long wait. If you are interested - email...... if they delete - read or unread - move on. They don't even really know you, so how can you take their rejection personally? If you are really looking for someone as a friend, date, long term relationship - then the effort of an email will be worthwhile to you.

People give up too easily nowadays and it is always someone else's fault and they have a ton of reasons why it's not their fault. Going to be a lot of lonely people out there.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
 Firmbear8
Joined: 2/12/2006
Msg: 307
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 11/19/2008 2:33:10 PM
Well my little test now has got 6 not read emails & deleted and one unread still.
And you ladies keep telling guys not to give up !LOL
Hell its a shopping mall for women and they can look for the hottest guy they can find before they reply to any guys email.
No guys do not have any controll as to who will reply back to them .
Yet every guy will get told by women it is not just how he looks but his personality also is a major deal !LOL Yeah and I have the winning lottery numbers for the next 5 lotto draws for the 6/49 !

All I say is don't count on many women replying to guys emailing them as their looking for more then just a nice guy but they won't let you know what as thier shopping and they do tend to change thier minds as often as they can!
 dwinottawa
Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 310
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 11/19/2008 3:58:13 PM
I was talking to a female coworker today (it's a new job, so I am still getting to know them), and found out she is on POF as well. And she has the same complaints as so many men and women seem to have, the read and ignore, or delete, or not read and delete emails. So I really don't think it's any one group that is doing it, everyone seems to be doing it, male and female.

So to keep bantering back and forth about who is at fault just really is a waste of time. It's happens to a lot of you guys, and a lot of you gals. Heck, it even happens to me.

I never dissed the men for not making the first move, it's in my very first post on this thread. It's always a gamble when you put yourself out there. I have met quite a few guys, and all but a couple were really nice guys. Mostly for someone else, but I really enjoyed meeting them.

So I guess what I am saying is that it is understandable why the guys don't make the first move, more women probably should make the first move, and maybe you won't find what you are looking for on this site at all. It's a gamble however you choose to look at it.
 Danteslnferno
Joined: 12/12/2005
Msg: 312
view profile
History
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 11/20/2008 7:06:39 PM
I also think that there is a self esteem issue for some men. They look at a profile and think that maybe they don't have a chance so they don't bother trying to send an email or walk up to a woman to talk with them. I used to struggle with this at times as well. Still do. Luckily my ex was the one who initiated contact with me.
 An Optimist...
Joined: 10/30/2008
Msg: 315
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 11/22/2008 4:19:56 PM
Could it be that after so many "no replies" or "deleted/unread" were a bit gun shy? Maybe a bit hesitant in putting our necks out on the emotional chopping block of what is Internet Dating, lol................I think so...but having said that if I see something in someones profile that moves me in anyway in any direction I have no problem sending off a note telling her what attracted me to her profile...In some case's I'll point out right up front that this is not an email from someone who thinks 'were' a match but rather to compliment you on ________________what ever... or in some case's it is to see if there is some interest in talking, meeting....
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