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Joined: 11/10/2005
Msg: 26
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I'm so hurt I can't sleepPage 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
You have been given some wonderful advice so theres nothing i can add but im sending you a huge hug. its time for you now, go and enjoy your new life and do things for you. spoil your self it does get easier in time hhuuuuuuuggggggssssssssssssssss
Joined: 4/5/2006
Msg: 27
I'm so hurt I can't sleep
Posted: 5/1/2006 10:44:48 PM
Hey I don'y usually add my thoughts but wanted to post a note !!I am only 26 ,but did go through a very bad break-up and a close friend gave me this, I guess poem or note so I hope it helps you like it did me ,I keep it above my bed and read it often.....

After awhile you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a sole. And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning,and company doesn't mean security. And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises. And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open,with the grace of an adult,not the grief of a child. And you learn to build your roads on today because tommorrow's ground is to uncertain for plans. After awhile you learn that even sunshine burns if you get to much. So plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn,that you really can really are strong.....and you really do have worth....... .......anonymous
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 28
I'm so hurt I can't sleep
Posted: 5/1/2006 10:49:10 PM
Don't look Behind
Don't look Down
Hold your head held high and just look straight ahead.

A dear freind of mine said that to me when I finally split from my ex of 10 yrs.
I have been single for a little over 2 years. I would prefer to be in a relationship but I have grown so much by being alone. I am a much stronger person, it hasn't always been easy. I really have never been alone and I am finally okay with it. The first year is the hardest and there will be times when you feel lonely. I am finally at the point where I am alone but I am not lonely.

Joined: 4/28/2006
Msg: 29
I'm so hurt I can't sleep
Posted: 5/2/2006 7:12:23 AM
justnstuff...I like that poem.
Joined: 4/10/2006
Msg: 30
I'm so hurt I can't sleep
Posted: 5/2/2006 7:45:34 AM
Look at your divorce as a new beginning not an're a very attractive woman and will soon find that life without the stress of your failing marriage is a lot more rosier than with.

Nevertheless losing the one you love is not easy and there maybe times when memories knock you to your knees,while on your knees darlin plant flowers.Life is to short to worry about what was and may never be again.Hey you're on a great site,good luck fishing.
 R M
Joined: 2/19/2006
Msg: 31
I'm so hurt I can't sleep
Posted: 5/2/2006 7:45:42 AM
My heart is out with you.When I went through the same thing..I thought death would have been easier than divorce.At least you bury the body and move on.I remember so many times thinking no need for me to face it and live with the divorce.I wished too many times that I would get lucky and get killed in a car accident.I had 4 girls to live for between the ages 10-5 then and that is what kept me from doing any stupid thing to end my life.
I was left all alone with 4 children in this country which I have no family in .
My EX was not abusive in a physical way,but I never for a second in 18 years of marriage thought divorce will be for us.One day,he wanted the divorce and killed every belief I had in life and love.It took me years to adjust,one minute by a minute.Now we all are fine.The pain and hurt don't go away forever.We learn to live with it and make the best of whatever is left inside us.Good luck dear and cry it out loud..We are about if you need too.
Joined: 4/11/2006
Msg: 32
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I'm so hurt I can't sleep
Posted: 5/2/2006 8:07:36 AM
Don;t sit at home and be unhappy ,, because I now from the past in my life ,, I did that , and you know what he was the one who , was having the good time ,enjoy life , and laugh a lot have good friends at your side and family , you will heal in time , and you will find someone who is nicer it might take some time but I promis you will be happy again ,
Joined: 3/8/2006
Msg: 33
I'm so hurt I can't sleep
Posted: 5/2/2006 8:24:31 AM
By now a week has gone by since your first post regarding your heartache...I'm hoping you're feeling a bit better now that the deed is finally done ...its have closure and can move on. God bless....and good luck
Joined: 4/28/2006
Msg: 34
I'm so hurt I can't sleep
Posted: 5/2/2006 8:28:27 AM
One thing I know is that some folks can keep things about themselves hidden for years and lie to themselves that the ugliness within them is not there and hence can have others believe it. Dont be afraid to admitt to yourself that this guy was never right for you in the first place . One thing for certain . He may have never cheated before GF number 1 but HE WAS NEVER FAITHFUL even at the very beggining. He didnt posses the neccessary quality for that and you didnt see that AND HOW COULD YOU .

I say this cause probbably the feeling that is most prominent right now is grief and FAILURE. I am saying to you you didnt FAIL . You did what us humans do . You fell in love and you got married and some thing you didnt see and he kept hidden from himself and you came out many years later . Like its said what is hidden will be shouted from the rooftops . If its there it will eventually will come out .

I have had some personal greif in my life so I am a bit more cynical than most but I have learnt how to deal with it by admitting that certain people that I allowed in was a WRONG CHOICE on my part and that it WASNT MY FAULT .

And further more the guy who you fell in love with is now gone . Hes been gone for years most likely . Maybe never even existed . All you know is who he is now . He is some one who can walk out on a well educated cultured women whom loved him , tear her heart out , violate one of the most deepest commitments people can make and as well act viscousley towards another human being who was the one who cared for his soul most in the world . Thats what he is now . Maybe he will change . Chances are he wont but maybe . Given his actions he is not some one I would hold out for even for a freindship.

My heart goes out to you maam . It really does . (((((hug))))

Forgive me saying I think he is a vile human being
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 35
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I'm so hurt I can't sleep
Posted: 5/3/2006 11:15:13 PM
Very true...thank you for the support..just wondered if anyone else felt the same and did their spouse ever apologized down the road.
Joined: 2/24/2006
Msg: 36
I'm so hurt I can't sleep
Posted: 5/3/2006 11:27:31 PM
You're definitely not alone ctry, time is on your side. Lean on your friends and family for support as much as needed, and be selfish, take care of YOU!
Joined: 7/16/2005
Msg: 37
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I'm so hurt I can't sleep
Posted: 5/3/2006 11:46:36 PM
I really feel for you ctrydancer....when it happened to me....I had a little journal that I would write in every night...this really helped me, but then I love to write, and it has always soothed my soul.

And just to let you ex wanted me back about ten years
That was an ego boost. Not saying that will ever happen, but you need to be good to yourself. There are much better things for you just down the road...and around that corner...

God Bless... Sass
Joined: 11/19/2005
Msg: 38
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I'm so hurt I can't sleep
Posted: 5/4/2006 12:19:45 AM
ctrydancer, this is about your post wanting to know of ex spouses apologizing. You may want it but let it go. Dont let this hang over you. You may want it but you do not need it. Do not give him this power over you. Because he does not deserve that power and you deserve so much more! He did you a favour, He cut you loose from his dead weight. He doesnt have the baIIs to say he is sorry. I know it is a tough time but do not dwell on the past or what might have been. Look forward and know that there is a great life ahead of you. You are hoping he will feel some regret but you do not need that. Excuse my language but F him. He is done, he is gone and good ridence to bad rubbish! Now it is your turn to live life for yourself so try to remain positive. Dont waste time thinking about him as it is a waste of time. You are at the beginning of a new chapter of your life. Make this the chapter that wil inspire others. You may not feel you have the strength but you do. Hold your head high and remember that this is now your life, your adventure. Make it what you want it to be and dont worry about...what was it? why am I asking you have already forgotten about it!

Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 39
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I'm so hurt I can't sleep
Posted: 5/7/2006 4:07:59 PM
Kits Guy....I hear you...still hard leaving 25 years alone and he did a great job being a husband and a father until he got wind of HER. Someday, he's going to be all bald, wrinkles and not employed..lets see how she manages having an older man.

He did do me the favor of leaving the marriage. My marriage ended way before he left and I now realize this. I CAN do this. My biggest accomplishment is to get my degree working days and by going to school nights. Thanks for the support
Joined: 4/2/2006
Msg: 40
I'm so hurt I can't sleep
Posted: 5/8/2006 7:03:15 AM
Ctry, I agree with Baseball Fan, I to went through a divorce after 17 years of marriage and three children, I had always wanted to skydive so I did it 2 weeks after the divorce was final, you need to lean on family, friends, counselling helped me greatly, I know right now this is mute because of the pain but time truly does heal the hurt!
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 41
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I'm so hurt I can't sleep
Posted: 5/8/2006 9:51:55 AM
RO...I'm no guru but some days are better than others. I really understand the pain. But do things you want to do. Make some new friends and keep in touch with old ones. Keep busy, find a hobby and make yourself happy. People will want to be around you if you keep a smile on your face. If you like movies, go to comedies. A good laugh is stress relief. I went to the hot tub and just soaked listening to my music. Having your ex around will make you bitter, angry, and the relationship has been damaged, you are better off. (listen to me talk).
Joined: 3/16/2006
Msg: 42
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I'm so hurt I can't sleep
Posted: 5/8/2006 12:37:24 PM
You know if you yell for 8 years 6 months you can heat up a cup of coffee. where dose that get you no where. sounds like to me he is getting no where.
As for you need to look on the bright side what goes around will come around. I like to say you will be just fine but you are the one who can change it not us all we can do is be there if you need some one to talk to. can't speek for all but I will chat with you if you need some one to talk with.
best wishes to you in you NEW LIFE.
Joined: 5/9/2006
Msg: 43
I'm so hurt I can't sleep
Posted: 5/10/2006 2:26:24 AM

Lets put it into perspective.

Have you ever held a gun to your head? With the serious intention of using it? (Yes I know it's going to cause an uproar)

One in thirteen divorced men suicide. It's the single highest killer of 30-50 year old men.

So a few tears are about average.
Joined: 5/10/2006
Msg: 44
I'm so hurt I can't sleep
Posted: 5/10/2006 6:47:17 AM
Baby girl, please hold on to the fact that you had a nice marriage- But, that it is over- for whatever reason- It is over!!
You must now, rebuild and move on with your life now- Enjoy your family- go out with gf and stay away from living and reliving regretful times.
YOu will be fine- stay with POF we are the best of friends for you here.
Shawty 4 u
Joined: 5/5/2005
Msg: 45
I'm so hurt I can't sleep
Posted: 5/10/2006 7:02:51 AM
I am so sorry for your divorce.....its really a hard thing to go through. What you need is support. Try not to be alone at this time of grieving
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 46
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I'm so hurt I can't sleep
Posted: 5/10/2006 9:55:24 AM
Sierra..The truth is I've been a bit homesick. All my children are up North. I truly understand the marriage is over. Its the loneliness and living on unemployment thats hard. It's the bitterness of being forced to sell my home having to split it with my X and his girlfriend. My whole world crashed. So I came down to start over. I love the forums and give my 2 Cents. Its a chance to chat and meet nice folks.
Joined: 5/26/2005
Msg: 47
I'm so hurt I can't sleep
Posted: 5/10/2006 10:18:33 AM
i've been right where you hurts for sure....let yourself feel all the different emotions right now. there are really no "wrong" ones.

don't do or say anything that you'll regret. paying him back for all that he's done sounds nice...but i vote for karma taking over. and trust me, it will.

my ex left me for another woman after i worked two jobs to put his a** thru school. but eight years later he's the one with the guilty conscience. my brother (who lives in a different state) ran into him at a grocery store.....he dropped his basket and ran for the hills.

trust'll get thru this. and you'll be a better, smarter, and a more whole person than you ever thought possible. good luck to you.
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 48
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I'm so hurt I can't sleep
Posted: 5/10/2006 10:41:03 AM
Tanner..thanks...All my children have not called or written to see if I even exist. Guess they don't know what to say.

He came to the marriage with the shirt on his back and an old beat up truck. I stood by him while he was not working. He too went to school and I worked two jobs so he could start a welding business after I put myself through college.

It's the bitterness of being forced to sell my home and having to split it with my X and his girlfriend. It's memories of seeing them in public, and my children telling me what a nice person his girlfriend is. It's the unfaithfulness. My whole world crashed after 25 years.

Its getting mad at him because I lost my job for an unscheduled pre trial conference (the divorce is this bad). I have a lawyer not going for part of the business, or for alimony or fighting for my 401K benefits that he's claiming 1/2 of.

And now that I said my piece...I'm letting go of it...
Joined: 5/26/2005
Msg: 49
I'm so hurt I can't sleep
Posted: 5/16/2006 12:08:12 AM
thanks for writing me back. i remember how sickening it felt to see the whole life that i knew, change and drift away from me. it was a very scarey time. but i came out of it a very strong woman and so much better off. its actually become one of the best things to ever happen to me. and not in the way that you might think.

it's taught me to stand up for myself. to ask those questions that might be hard to ask. to look inward into myself for the love and acceptance that he was unable/unwilling to share.

look at this as an experience that is/will be something you can learn about yourself and your life from. this isn't the worst that could happen to you. it's horrible, and men can be huge jerks, but this isn't the end of living for you. there are still so many wonderful things to see, do and become. find out about who you are again (not the wife or mother parts) but you personally. what do you LIKE to do? take some classes and find out.

this whole period in your life it just that...a period....not a forever. i know that it feels that way. but soon an new trauma will take it's place.....

glean what knowledge you can from this marriage, use it as a life lesson learned and share with others what you know.
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 50
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I'm so hurt I can't sleep
Posted: 5/16/2006 4:23:18 AM
ok..what are you doing up at 3 am? I'm doing ok. Love the weather down here. Now...I need to get a small day job. I'm working the concerts for the summer and its definately something I wanted to do. I go dancing as often as I can....anyone down this neck of the woods dance???? I'm getting my paperwork from New Hampshire to transfer my certs to teach for the fall. I'm looking for my own place but it's going to take time. Haven't quite decided if I'm going to a resort apartment or a teeny, tiny house. Either way...I will make a decision soon. Maybe start a year in an apartment to meet new people and get my pampering done sounds good. (pools, hot tub, fitness center, walking trails, and security) before worrying about repairs, taxes, and being totally isolated. hmmmm.

As far as my husband...Well all I can say is the grass is not always greener unless it's fed by manure. lol
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