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 ctrydancer
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 26
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I'm so hurt I can't sleepPage 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Sierra..The truth is I've been a bit homesick. All my children are up North. I truly understand the marriage is over. Its the loneliness and living on unemployment thats hard. It's the bitterness of being forced to sell my home having to split it with my X and his girlfriend. My whole world crashed. So I came down to start over. I love the forums and give my 2 Cents. Its a chance to chat and meet nice folks.
 tanner
Joined: 5/26/2005
Msg: 27
I'm so hurt I can't sleep
Posted: 5/10/2006 10:18:33 AM
i've been right where you are....it hurts for sure....let yourself feel all the different emotions right now. there are really no "wrong" ones.

don't do or say anything that you'll regret. paying him back for all that he's done sounds nice...but i vote for karma taking over. and trust me, it will.

my ex left me for another woman after i worked two jobs to put his a** thru school. but eight years later he's the one with the guilty conscience. my brother (who lives in a different state) ran into him at a grocery store.....he dropped his basket and ran for the hills.

trust me....you'll get thru this. and you'll be a better, smarter, and a more whole person than you ever thought possible. good luck to you.
 ctrydancer
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 28
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I'm so hurt I can't sleep
Posted: 5/10/2006 10:41:03 AM
Tanner..thanks...All my children have not called or written to see if I even exist. Guess they don't know what to say.

He came to the marriage with the shirt on his back and an old beat up truck. I stood by him while he was not working. He too went to school and I worked two jobs so he could start a welding business after I put myself through college.

It's the bitterness of being forced to sell my home and having to split it with my X and his girlfriend. It's memories of seeing them in public, and my children telling me what a nice person his girlfriend is. It's the unfaithfulness. My whole world crashed after 25 years.

Its getting mad at him because I lost my job for an unscheduled pre trial conference (the divorce is this bad). I have a lawyer not going for part of the business, or for alimony or fighting for my 401K benefits that he's claiming 1/2 of.

And now that I said my piece...I'm letting go of it...
 tanner
Joined: 5/26/2005
Msg: 29
I'm so hurt I can't sleep
Posted: 5/16/2006 12:08:12 AM
thanks for writing me back. i remember how sickening it felt to see the whole life that i knew, change and drift away from me. it was a very scarey time. but i came out of it a very strong woman and so much better off. its actually become one of the best things to ever happen to me. and not in the way that you might think.

it's taught me to stand up for myself. to ask those questions that might be hard to ask. to look inward into myself for the love and acceptance that he was unable/unwilling to share.

look at this as an experience that is/will be something you can learn about yourself and your life from. this isn't the worst that could happen to you. it's horrible, and men can be huge jerks, but this isn't the end of living for you. there are still so many wonderful things to see, do and become. find out about who you are again (not the wife or mother parts) but you personally. what do you LIKE to do? take some classes and find out.

this whole period in your life it just that...a period....not a forever. i know that it feels that way. but soon an new trauma will take it's place.....

glean what knowledge you can from this marriage, use it as a life lesson learned and share with others what you know.
 ctrydancer
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 30
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I'm so hurt I can't sleep
Posted: 5/16/2006 4:23:18 AM
ok..what are you doing up at 3 am? I'm doing ok. Love the weather down here. Now...I need to get a small day job. I'm working the concerts for the summer and its definately something I wanted to do. I go dancing as often as I can....anyone down this neck of the woods dance???? I'm getting my paperwork from New Hampshire to transfer my certs to teach for the fall. I'm looking for my own place but it's going to take time. Haven't quite decided if I'm going to a resort apartment or a teeny, tiny house. Either way...I will make a decision soon. Maybe start a year in an apartment to meet new people and get my pampering done sounds good. (pools, hot tub, fitness center, walking trails, and security) before worrying about repairs, taxes, and being totally isolated. hmmmm.

As far as my husband...Well all I can say is the grass is not always greener unless it's fed by manure. lol
 Esohpromatem
Joined: 4/26/2006
Msg: 31
I'm so hurt I can't sleep
Posted: 5/16/2006 5:26:20 AM
Im going through a recent break-up and am still having trouble sleeping,Its affecting my whole life .I find myself up at 4am and have to be at work a few hours later iv'e been draggin lately .it's only been a few weeks though but there was no closure in my relationship with this woman.she was a liar and a cheater and I really cared about her and we share a beautiful daughter luckily we wa never married. In the end im the one suffering...good luck just try to keep your mind occupied
 terry480
Joined: 9/28/2004
Msg: 32
I'm so hurt I can't sleep
Posted: 5/16/2006 5:56:14 AM
I'm sorry you are having a hard time. When he was screaming in your face it was only to hide his own guilt and to make himself feel better about the situation. You deserve a man getting into your face (only to kiss you). Nobody should be screamed at! It's uncalled for. There are MANY women out there in your situation. If you can, find a support group. It WILL get easier as time goes by. Once you get past the hurt, the anger will kick in, then it will be easier to let go. Get around people that make you laugh. I wish you the best!
 ctrydancer
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 33
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I'm so hurt I can't sleep
Posted: 5/16/2006 12:57:14 PM
"When he was screaming in your face it was only to hide his own guilt and to make himself feel better about the situation."...definately Terry. His way of dealing with anything he did wrong the whole time we were married was to become angry at me to relieve himself in order to justify that he didn't admit he was wrong. I accepted and understood the way he handled situations.

I guess it was shock...I replay that scene over and over again. I've never seen soooooooo much hate in his face. The eyes were like daggers in my heart. He was within inches of my nose screaming as loud as he could. "The marriage is over" My soul shrinks at the thought that this most loving man was the most hateful being there ever was. I was reduced to tears thinking someone younger had taken my place in his life.
 ctrydancer
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 34
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I'm so hurt I can't sleep
Posted: 6/8/2006 3:43:52 PM
Well all...its been a few weeks. I've decided to spend time in the sun, go out walking, dancing and what ever else to keep busy. If ever you go out with friends...I'd like to meet new people in NC. Write me.
 zhonest
Joined: 12/9/2004
Msg: 35
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I'm so hurt I can't sleep
Posted: 6/16/2006 12:47:58 AM
yes it is true 1 part of your life is over
it will take time for your broken heart to heal
but before you can heal you must bring out the pain you are holding in

once you can bring the pain out
you can deal with it
once you can deal with it,than you can overcome it
once you have overcome it than you are ready to move on with your life

you have to be willing to take the time to let yourself heal
you have to take the time for your broken heart to heal
in time all things heal if you let them heal

once you let yourself heal than you will understand
that yes 1 life is over but it is also a new beginning
it is a new start at life for you

it is another chance to find true love,to find a love that will not end

when you cry do not stop crying for crying is a way that the body heals it's self
you must be willing to let the hurt and pain come out and leave your body
you must be willing to release your pain so your body can heal it's self

it is sad something life this had to happen and you are hurting and in pain
it is sad that someone had to break your heart
it is sad you are crying cause you are in pain

but in time you will come to understand it is a new beginning and not a ending

it is another chance to find true love and in time you will once again seek true love
i pray 1 day that you will find that love you seek
but first you must be willing to let yourself heal
so you can move on with your life
 okiedokietxxx
Joined: 5/29/2006
Msg: 36
I'm so hurt I can't sleep
Posted: 6/16/2006 5:58:29 AM
OP i am sorry for what you have and are going threw . and someone may have touched on this but if so i did'nt remember seeing it. i looked at your profile and noticed you're seeking long term. i have always heard that divorce is like going threw a death . and that we go threw different stages of feelings until we reach the last one. until that last feeling is dealt with we are not ready to move on. and as you 1st said in your question you are still having a hard time with this even after a year. so back to the long term. maybe you need friends more then a relationship at this time. many people who lose someone to real death or divorce will think of so many ways to end hurt, pain and angry feelings that somewhere along the line even getting into a nw realtionship appeels to them. but it never works. at least as far as i know. not telling you what to do. only something to consider. love of another partner is what we all want but sometimes its not the answer today if we are not free of heart .
i wish you well.
 unknown biker
Joined: 3/13/2004
Msg: 37
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I'm so hurt I can't sleep
Posted: 6/16/2006 7:02:14 AM
I found this on pof and it is great for exactly what you are going through. This is a half hour sermon but he is right on the money. heres the link http://www.theonlineword.com/mp3/5246.mp3
Good look to you, walk out of that house and shake the sand off your shoes and don't look back..
 Lusciuos
Joined: 5/19/2006
Msg: 38
And This, Too, Shall Pass....
Posted: 6/16/2006 7:14:09 AM
Hello and welcome to your new life....the better one. After having being devoted to someone else and giving all you possibly can and then even more, please be comforted in the fact that the powers that be are looking out for you (I would say God, but perhaps this does not apply to your life).
No one (man or woman) needs to be blasted or verbally abused or otherwise....it seems that there are more children in this world than there are adults, regardless of age. You are significant, loved, and needed and certainly don't need to be made feel otherwise.
I wish yoy the best in your future.....as it is bright. There is love around you everwhere you look....
Laurie
 Trying2FindU2
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 39
I'm so hurt I can't sleep
Posted: 6/16/2006 8:37:41 AM
My heart really goes out to you. I myself am enduring the same agony. My wife of 10 years left me for a guy from the gym we both attended. It turns out she was having an affair with him for over a month before I found out. I was crushed; boy was I blind. I am starting to move on, now. She has made that part a little easier; since she has made it crystal clear she wants to be with her new hunk, instead of trusty reliable. I definitely can relate to not being able to sleep. Since the separation, I have only been able to get maybe two-three full nights worth of sleep. Just like you, my mind does not want to settle down. I've tried over the counter sleep aids, and my doctor has tried me on Sonata, Ambein, and Imovane all with no real effects. The only thing that helps me get to sleep right now is Xanax, but it is for short-term use only. Bummer... I've always been a late night person, but not getting any restful sleep is ridiculous. I'm hoping the situation will improve once the divorce is final, which cannot come too soon for me.

I can tell you from experience that it does seem to get easier with time.
 ctrydancer
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 40
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I'm so hurt I can't sleep
Posted: 6/17/2006 4:25:08 AM
ahhh...thank you all for the support. Everyday that goes by is one day closer to finishing this whole mess. Yes, I heard the sermon. Yes, it was meaningful. Definately kinda felt that some higher power was seeing the way we were. So sad. Our marriage had changed, he wasn't there. We were always taking care of elderly, sick family members, children, that he didn't know how or stopped making time for US.

I was definately the one who managed everything in the marriage, (finances, housecleaning, saving for trips, the caregiver) and I want someone who would gladly share this, this time.

I did see justice by the way his new girlfriend treats him. She won't even let him leave the yard without knowing where he is going, what time he's due back. She was soooo angry that I sold the house and she, wasn't getting asking price. She called him names in front of our friends. He wants someone to treat him like a doormat!...sorry, I have low opinion of his self-esteem now.

I told you all that I moved out of state and that was THE best thing I ever did. Well thank you all for writing and keep writing...I am spending alot of my time outdoors in the sun.
 atrkyhntr™
Joined: 12/20/2005
Msg: 41
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I'm so hurt I can't sleep
Posted: 6/17/2006 5:04:18 AM
Maybe KARMA will be the answer for him
What comes around goes around I have no pitty for cheaters...
Hold your chin up and I hope you took him to the cleaners!!!
GOOD LUCK
 KILLERDOGSMOOCH
Joined: 6/14/2006
Msg: 42
I'm so hurt I can't sleep
Posted: 6/17/2006 1:56:38 PM
"How can you stifle the passion for a partner who has deserted you? How can we smooth the journey back to sanity and liberation when our love has been rejected?"

"To begin with you must remove all evidence of the addictive substance: the beloved. Throw out cards and letters or stuff them in a box and put it out of reach. Don't call or write under ANY circumstances. And depart immediately if you see your former lover in the office or the street. Why? Because as Charles****ns said, "Love will thrive for a considerable time on a very slight and sparing food." Even the briefest contact with "him" or "her" can fire up your brain circuits for romantic ardor. If you wish to recover, you must expunge all traces of the thief who stole your heart."

"When you can't stop thinking about "him" or "her," dwell on their negative traits. Write down their faults and carry the list in your purse or pocket. Picture yourself walking arm in arm with someone who adores you, the perfect partner. Make it up. And make it good. Someone is camping in your brain; you must throw the scoundrel out."

"It is very important to stay busy. Call friends, visit neighbors. Go somewhere to worship. Learn to draw or play an instrument. Dance. Sing. Do crossword puzzles. Get a dog or cat or bird. Take that vacation you've always thought about. Write out your plans for the future. Exercise is particularly good for rejected lovers. Do anything that forces you to concentrate your attention, particularly things that you do well."

"Why? Because the despair of unrequited love is most likely associated with plummeting levels of dopamine in the brain. As you focus your attention and do novel things, you elevate this feel-good substance, boosting energy and hope."

"Any kind of physical exertion will elevate your mood. Jogging, biking, and other forms of strenuous physical activity are known to drive up levels of dopamine in the brain, bestowing feelings of euphoria."

"Avoid sweets or drugs that will stress your body and your mind. Count your blessings: optimism heals."

Material is excerpted from "Why We Love" by Helen Fisher, Ph.D. I highly recommend the book for anyone who would like to delve deeper into this subject.
 user4u
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 43
I'm so hurt I can't sleep
Posted: 6/18/2006 6:11:53 AM
You are heartless!
 ctrydancer
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 44
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I'm so hurt I can't sleep
Posted: 6/19/2006 5:50:03 AM
Edmond Guy...thank you...I was 25 when my first husband died with two boys myself. I know exactly how you felt. It was almost 5 years of mourning for me.

Then I met my husband and was with him for 25 wonderful years. This is such a tremendous blow.... I get to see him in love with someone who broke our marriage. We never once had heated arguments. Never in my wildest dream, had I ever suspected unfaithfulness.
 sillyatheart3
Joined: 4/29/2006
Msg: 45
I'm so hurt I can't sleep
Posted: 6/19/2006 6:15:01 AM
oo MY DEAR, MY HEART GOES OUT TOO YOU.. FOR I HAVE 23YRS.. I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. THE ANGER AND RAGE THE FEAR AND DISPAIR IS ALL WRAPED UP INTO ONE.

BUT DO THIS FOR ME, I WANT YOU TO MOURN, YOU HAVE TOO CRY ALL THE TEARS OUT IT TOOK ME 2 YRS.. THERE WAS NO ONE TO WAKE UP TOO, NO ONE TO RUN TOO WHEN MY HEART HURT. THERE WAS NOT ONE ON SUNDAY TO MAKE BREAKFAST FOR ME IN BED, EVERYTHING I EVER THOUGH I NEW WENT OUT THE DOOR 9 YRS AGO.. ALL OVER MONEY AND GREED AND POWER YOU SEE..

PLEASE MY FINE LADYS, DO NOT SEE THE BAD.. PUT THE HAPPY AND FUNNY MEMORIES IN YOUR HEAD.. DO NOT BLAME NOT YOURSELF OR HIM.. IT WILL NOT HELP IN THE END. CRY FOR YOUR CHILDREN FOR THERE FATHER HAS CHOISE A NEW WAY IN LIFE, CRY FOR THE WEDDING DAY THAT HE PROMISED TO LOVE YOU FOR 'BETTER OR WORSE, IN SICKENSS AND HEATH AND DEATH DO US APART'.. CRY FOR THE YEARS YOU HAVE WIPED 'HIS TEARS' OR STOOD BEHIND HIM SO HE CAN BE THE BEST MAN FOR YOU.. BUT DONT MAKE YOURSELF SUFFER IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT....... HE JUST HAD A LOST SOUL AND YOU FOR GOT TO LOOK TO SEE IF IT NEEDED MENDING.. SOMETIMES WE GET SO WRAPED UP IN ARESELFS THAT WE PUT THE EVERYDAY LIFE FIRST.. AND IN THE END ARE HUSBANDS SUFFER AND RUN TO OTHER WOMEN...

THEY SEE THE YOUNG GIRL THEY FELL IN LOVE WITH ... BE WE SEE THE WOMEN WE HAVE BECOME.. THY SEE THE BEAUTY THEY MARRIED WE SEE WE ARE AGED SO WE STOP BEING THE SEXY GIRL HE MARRIED. MEN ARE ONE SIDED THEY FREEZ TIME

WOMEN SEE GROWTH AND CHANGE.. SO IN THE END YOU MY DEAR MUST LEARN YOUR PART AS WELL.. I TOOK THE CARE OF MY KIDS AND HE GOT HIS GIRLFRIEND. I GOT THE HOUSE AND CARS AND EVERYTHING IN IT AND PUT THE KIDS IN COLLEGE.. WHILE HE GOT HIS GRILFRINED AND MOTHER, I GOT ALLOMENY AND HE WORKS HIS BUTT OFF TAKEIN CARE OF TWO WOMEN.....

YOU GET WHAT YOU SEW IN THE END.. I GOT MY SELF RESPECT AND HE GOT HER...
 jenmom
Joined: 9/8/2005
Msg: 46
I'm so hurt I can't sleep
Posted: 6/19/2006 6:47:17 AM
This too will pass. I went through 2 years of being alone after my husband of 25 years decided he wanted to take a new path. He remarried 6 months after the divorce was final. I watched him be in love with someone who could have been my sister (we look very much alike). While I struggled with day to day surviving, he splurged, catering to her every whim. The good thing was she liked to take my daughter shopping.. There is no alimony in Texas, so besides child support, I was on my own.

Time passes, and it does get easier. Picture the things you say keep going through your head as a record, or a cassette, or a CD. Then picture yourself destroying that record.. The longer you replay it, the more he wins.

You're not alone - you have us.
 jenmom
Joined: 9/8/2005
Msg: 47
I'm so hurt I can't sleep
Posted: 6/19/2006 4:43:19 PM
I am nor sure why you would write what you did - doesn't belong here. By your posting, looks like you do not have much room to talk/write. "Where did you not learn..." should end with a question mark, not a period. I would venture to say you are rather immature, and need to grow up.
 ctrydancer
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 48
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I'm so hurt I can't sleep
Posted: 6/25/2006 12:01:10 PM
Thank you all for writing...I am not crying in my sleep anymore. I have taken that image I play over and over and picture myself saying he's winning....in order to stop that image. It was my way to stop wanting him. Since he was the one who left, I hadn't stopped loving him. Probably never will. He needs to be gone in constant thought and I must show myself I can make it myself. The hurt felt was so deep. I was forced to sell the home I loved, my adult children have chosen to distance themselves. I have to releave myself of the guilt, and deal with many issues. I am strong, independent, and educated enough to emotionally handle this.
 a_realistic_wish
Joined: 3/17/2006
Msg: 49
I'm so hurt I can't sleep
Posted: 6/25/2006 2:38:29 PM

their spouse ever apologize down the road


Ctrydancer, It has been almost two months since you first posted. Sounds like you are doing better I hope getting stronger every day.

I believe that not only do we go through things in life to learn and grow but also to be able to share our experiences with others. Having said that, I have been through a divorce once and once was enough for me. Learning after the fact that he never loved me at all ( his journals left here ) that all the while he loved someone else. We were together 13 yrs and another 1-1/2 yrs to get the divorce. That was 2001 -- it never really got any better but we have a son together and I always helped when I could. Mid- 2004, he did call one day to say thank you for things and he knew I never had to do the things I did and he was glad I helped him. ( he was disabled and needed someone to help him at times ) I was taken aback by this but knew .. for me it was always the right thing to do. I know my friends tell me I am crazy.

In August of 2004 he called and asked if our son 14 could go with him to the ER... I told him I was a few miles and I would take him. I took him and then returned him back home that night. He was ill but alright, that weekend I knew something was wrong in my heart... long story but I told our son we better check on Dad .. he might need something from the store ... At 12:15 I took my son's keys and tried to open the front door ... he was laying against it. Seeing him on the floor dead was the hardest thing I think I have ever experienced and telling our son the hardest thing I have ever done.

I hope you find someone that makes you happy and shares your life. For me I joined this site hoping to find a friend and see where things lead ... It has not worked that way so far but sometimes God has other plans and maybe I was brought to the site to tell you that.

Have a blessed day
j
 iggyForFun
Joined: 2/6/2006
Msg: 50
I'm so hurt I can't sleep
Posted: 6/26/2006 4:12:05 PM
A lot of us have been there. I couldn't sleep for 3 straight days once. That was awful.

Just start doing things for you, and know that you're going to get beyond this. It gets better...really it does.

If you can't stand it anymore, then you need to get some counseling/therapy. Not because you're screwed up, but because it probably will help you a lot.
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