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 SalinShoes
Joined: 9/28/2005
Msg: 10
How do you break an obsession with someone?Page 5 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
The problem is all inside your head", she said to me
The answer is easy if you take it logically
I'd like to help you in your struggle to be free
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover

She said it's really not my habit to intrude
Furthermore, I hope my meaning won't be lost or misconstrued
But I'll repeat myself at the risk of being crude
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover
Fifty ways to leave your lover

You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free

Ooo slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just listen to me
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free

She said it grieves me so to see you in such pain
I wish there was something I could do to make you smile again
I said I appreciate that and would you please explain
About the fifty ways

She said why don't we both just sleep on it tonight
And I believe in the morning you'll begin to see the light
And then she kissed me and I realized she probably was right
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover
Fifty ways to leave your lover

You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free

Slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just listen to me
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free

Paul Simon.......
 MsAphrodite
Joined: 6/14/2006
Msg: 17
How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 6/16/2006 6:19:17 PM
Oh my gosh, I am in this very same position!

What's worse is that the 'Infatuation Thing' never happens to me... pride myself on being the rational reasoning type.

Unfortunately, recently I met someone to whom I am DEEPLY DEEPLY attracted... and I can't have him. The reasons are not important (and no, he is not attached!) but it would be extremely foolhardy for me to go there. This guy has 'issues' that would be just too damaging to live with.

However... am stuck with this ' yearning that won't leave me alone, I adore him, can't be in the same room without going weak at the knees and feeling those overwhelming flutterbyes'. My body actually vibrates all over when I'm near him. And we have ALOT in common in terms of what we like.

So, I deal with it this way. I STAY AWAY... and I put things in perspective, knowing that its going to take some time for me to get a handle on this. Have to put instinct before heart (though the heart does want what it wants). And LET GO of the desire.

This person represents to me the Unclaimed parts of myself that are deeply soulful, musical, whimsical, romantic. What I feel for him is just a PROJECTION of what my soul is telling me I really need for myself. So I will develop that part of myself, that this person has brought to my attention (that which I need to develop in MY OWN LIFE) and not have it met by someone, who would not be good for me in the long run. So I see him as somewhat of a Messenger... a message from the soul that there are parts of me yet unfulfilled that I need to do for myself. So I can thank him (and the Universe) for this valuable message.

Its all good.
 MsAphrodite
Joined: 6/14/2006
Msg: 19
How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 6/16/2006 6:35:11 PM
^^^^^^^^You have obviously never really been 'in love'.

When the emotions are involved, its a whole different ballgame to just 'liking someone' or having the hots for them. The emotional centre can be at real odds with the thinking head part of a person.

Have some compassion, for crying out loud.
 sillyatheart3
Joined: 4/29/2006
Msg: 23
How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 6/16/2006 9:12:06 PM
what is wrong with people now adays. Sir don't you know that when a person dies we mourn for this person.. we greeve for weeks at a time the limit is 2yrs. but most of us it is only a few months then we get back on are way in life

NOW ... it is the same thing with a EX..... you mourn the person for 2weeks.. or a year. depending on how long. i was with my last partner for 19months.. it took me 9 months to get over him. but i have done it.. you have to let the mourning prosses. in.. it is the death of a relationship... you have to cry all the pain out. and belive me i shed buckets and buckets on this one.. never have i ever loved a man .. not even my husband.. this is the first man i have loved.. and he destroyed me.. But in the end.. I am a better person and so will you be..

Get off your butt.. get her letters.. get your pictures, get your personal items. and take them and greeve over them.. let yourself cry.. let yourself die inside again.. and then when you cant take it anylonger.. and all the feelings are gone..

Wake up.. and start your day.. it is over. take her stuff and get rid of it.. I gave all his stuff back.. every thing i had.. left.. the rest i packed in boxes and it sits in the grauge just a nother chapter in my life.

Sir are you still haning on to your first girlfriend, or what about your first A in school do you still have that pice of paper.. do you have your first tooth you lost.. or your first underware you ever worn... NO>. well most people dont..

it is for the past..

Take a pice of paper and list all the quailtys you miss in her.. now on the back write all the things that broke up the relationship.. then at the bottom. write why you ended the relationship and if you had any hate towards. now place it in the bible and give her too god.. Let it go..

in a matter of days.. 3 to be perciced.. God will take it and he will take your pain away.. that is the truth.. regardless if you belive or not.. he will becouse you gave it too him.

Have a great live. and live your life.. be the man you want too be.. be the man you should have been in the FIRST PLACE.. good night.
 stoowart
Joined: 7/19/2005
Msg: 28
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History
How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 6/18/2006 5:35:36 AM
to be honest i havent read every single post here so i may be repeating somebody else's thoughts.....but one thing to think on is that the only one hurting or doing this thinking is you so it's a form of self hurting, the other person is blithely carrying on with oblivious to all this torture you are inflicting on yourself, this gives you the thought to use that "they don't give a damn why should i?" hmmm, i think i'm probably gonna make this one about little thoughts to arm yourself with, anyway i digress, little mantra's or acts or self discipline do help "i'm going to get over this some time, what's wrong with now?" fpr instance, another one is whenever you catch yourself having these thoughts to clamp down on yourself and drive them away again using thoughts like the aforementioned (or even a little anger) it wont happen in an instant but you can to a degree "condition" yourself away from it, it will take an amount of fortitude and patience tho , and one day you will wake up and realise "hey, my head's clear!" this may only last a few minutes but from then on you're on the way forwards, goodluck :)
 fitnfeisty
Joined: 4/2/2006
Msg: 42
How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/3/2006 11:09:50 PM
MsAphrodite,

"This person represents to me the Unclaimed parts of myself that are deeply soulful, musical, whimsical, romantic. What I feel for him is just a PROJECTION of what my soul is telling me I really need for myself. So I will develop that part of myself, that this person has brought to my attention (that which I need to develop in MY OWN LIFE) and not have it met by someone, who would not be good for me in the long run. So I see him as somewhat of a Messenger... a message from the soul that there are parts of me yet unfulfilled that I need to do for myself. So I can thank him (and the Universe) for this valuable message."

FitnFeisty,
This sounds like it could be what my ex-girlfriend is going through.

Once you have comes to terms and/or figured out on YOUR OWN what he awakened in
you, why couldn't you reconcile w/ him? If you truly loved him, and wanted to be with him, but felt you were not ready for whatever reason[s], wouldn't you give yourself a chance w/ him?
 sincereguy_42
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 46
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History
How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/4/2006 5:58:57 PM
I have been wondering how for two years to get a woman out of my head. I can understand some of the replies from the younger people on here that it is easy. They have never truly loved another. I was married for 9 years and have three kids and she left me for another man. That closure came quickly after the day she married him. I realized that I did not truly love her but was willing to be there forever at the time. Here comes the hard part. I met a girl 5 years ago that became my best friend. I fell hard in love with her. When we met in person it was wonderful to be with her. I really think it was for her as well. We finally got together for a year and everything was great. Then along came a man that seemed to push her to be with him. She is still with him. We have spoken many times over the last 2 years and over and over again she has told me that there has never been anyone that could take my place. That she could only marry again if it was me. That I am wonderful, her best friend, to have hope for us, and would still tell me today that she loves me. How do you get over that? I am not sure. Everything I do she is not far from my mind. I think it gets better and I am feeling pretty good only to have bad days. Holidays are the worst! So many use the words "I love you" to loosely. Do not ever say those words unless you know you mean it! The other person will believe you if you tell them that! My advice though is to never loose hope of finding the right one for you! And dariqueen, remember this: All that glitters is not gold! He only does those things because he knew he should have with you! In time you will see that he is no different afterall! It is still new and believe me that new will wear off!
 thebamachick
Joined: 12/25/2005
Msg: 50
How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/7/2006 4:04:55 PM
I don't think too many of the people who responded read your message very closely.

I also tried socializing with others, working more, staying busy, exercising and getting rid of his pictures and things. That just simply did not work. Socializing with someone you can have no real feelings for will only make you obsess for that person more.

There was one reply that I read that I think might really be a good one. It is the one that says you should feel the pain and go through the grieving process. That might be all we can do, but I haven't tried that yet. I just know I have not wanted to feel the pain, and I have resisted it. I think another option would be to meet someone who can sweep us off our feet, but that rarely ever happens to most people.

Socializing would only work if you meet someone else who you could really feel the same kind of passion for. Should we really call it an obsession? Feeling passion means you are alive. I would rather feel passion than have no feelings even if passion creates pain.

I really wish I knew a quick answer, but I don't think anyone really addressed it with a real solution. Our soul is a complexity that we have little understanding of. I am not sure professionals even understand it like they should.
 shadeblue
Joined: 3/3/2005
Msg: 52
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History
How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/7/2006 10:54:52 PM
This thread certainly seems to be helping a lot of people out and I'm glad I read it. I do get obsessed sometimes, mostly over guys I don't know very well. I'm sure I'm projecting Mr Right qualities on them and I'm well aware that they don't truly carry them. I decided that I need to take more control over my life and my thoughts. I do believe you are what you think, so I write affirmations to myself every night. We all have horrible self-talk; okay most of us do. If you listened carefully to what you say to yourself all the time, you would probably stop liking yourself (you probably don't like yourself that much anyway). It's terrible stuff we say. My affirmations are wonderful thoughts on paper about none other than me. Build your self esteem and watch the rest of your life come together. Realize and acknowledge that you deserve better than the people you are obsessed with and see what new, quality people you start attracting. Go through if you need to and make a list of the qualities of your perfect person and then mark off the ones that your obsession had; I bet there aren't many marks. Remember, this is about honesty and not the qualities you projected, but the ones that person really has. Now, go back to your list of qualities and write them again. Keep them by you and constantly remind yourself of the qualities you are looking for whenever you start to think of the obsession. Start treating yourself with the respect and love you deserve and you will find that someone who will treat you as well as you treat yourself. Maybe that's it right there....we are and have been attracting people who treat us as well as we treat ourselves. That in itself should be an eye opener.

All the best.
M
 canyunflyer
Joined: 2/6/2006
Msg: 71
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History
How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/21/2006 5:48:15 PM
well, I see the OP hasn't even been in here for months, so now we're just talking to hear ourselves talk... but I'll do it anyway.

I really think we need to be very thoughtful and really Identify our termonolgy. When I see words like 'Obssession', these are very heavy duty words to me. These are the kinds of words we use with.. mental disorders, ect. Not normal. Not your regular run of the mill loss, and grief stuff.

Whether the OP is actually obssessed or not, is an unanswered question. Perhaps he needs to see a professional just to define that, if nothing else. I know how powerful loss of love can be...even if was only a percieved love... the loss is not less great. I know how, for what seems like a long time... the world seems to be filled with nothing but triggers which can set this off. I know how you can feel sick and fractured inside. I know how you can ache for someone, in a way that nothing will lessen. All of this is normal. It is not, in my opinion, obssession. We're even allowed a certain ammount of dysfunction while we recover. But there are limits to this. If anyone, including the op, really feel they are exceeding these limits... then they need some kind of help. It is foolish and even dangerous to try and do it all alone.
 quietstorm8
Joined: 10/22/2006
Msg: 78
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History
How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 1/11/2007 1:55:28 AM
i'm all for enjoying the exquisite feelings of the heart,but
in this particular situation since

your social support is more limited you should
probably enlist help from your rational mind more.
some of what you feel for her is certainly real and
precious yet you cant ignore the fact

your having a small family and circle of friends plays
into it as well.
 PickyProfessional
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 82
How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 2/24/2007 10:33:29 AM
time will take care of it. even faster if you find someone to supplant her in the interim.
 PickyProfessional
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 83
How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 2/24/2007 10:37:32 AM
with all due respect, judith: therapist, schmerapist. sounds like a crock to me. he'll get over her. it's totally normal and he's not subconsciously fixated on a parent. all he needs is time and/or someone new...but he doesn't think he can can anyone else who's comparable, so he's fixated on her. he needs to work on his self-esteem.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 87
How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 2/24/2007 7:28:53 PM
Get a lobotomy.

You don't want to let it go, and you won't be able to let away until you really want to.
 wisdomangel
Joined: 3/16/2007
Msg: 101
How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 5/8/2010 10:23:39 PM
I wish I could tell you ...
It's been years since my ex left me and I still think about him constantly. Unlike you, we lived together for five years. I have tried all the things everyone suggests, get out, join new groups etc. Still my mind and my heart are obsessed with thoughts of him. You are right, it is tormenting. I don't know how the keep the thoughts and feelings away for more than a few minutes. I wish I could help you. I wish I could help me.
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 103
How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 5/25/2010 7:42:53 PM
Well, obsession wouldn't be the right for me perhaps. But it's fascinating how someone who's totally wrong for you - no match, no trust, no respect, arguments, etc., and you still think of her now and then. That happened to me last November. Now we haven't talked for 2-3 months. It ended at the right time, had it continued it would've been a complete disaster. One's brain really plays tricks a lot, making you think of someone who's only bad for you. Some people leave a greater impression than others, depending on how deeply involved you were of course.
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