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 AUTHOR
 Mystic77
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 53
Your FISH tells some good onesPage 3 of 70    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)
Dear Friend

I have become a little older since I saw you last, and a few changes have come into my life since then. Frankly, I have become a flirtatious old gal.


I am seeing five gentlemen every day.........


As soon as I wake up, Will Power helps me get out of bed.

Then I go to see John.
Then Charlie Horse comes along, and when he is here he takes a lot of my time and attention.



When he leaves, Arthur Ritis shows up and stays the rest of the day. He doesn't like to stay in one place very long, so he takes me from joint to joint.

After such a busy day, I'm really tired and glad to go to bed with Ben Gay.



What a life!
Oh yes, I'm also flirting with Al Zymer.

Love, Your Old Friend

P.S. The preacher came to call the other day. He said at my age I should be thinking of the hereafter. I told him, "Oh I do it all the time. No matter where I am, in the parlor, upstairs, in the kitchen, or in the garage, I ask myself..... "Now, What am I here after?

 rezza
Joined: 6/3/2006
Msg: 54
Jokes, Jokes, Jokes!!!!!!
Posted: 4/30/2007 8:48:22 AM
uguahahahhahaha u jokes so funny i like ....uguahahahahahahahaha....btw i hv jokes for u too...A man was reading a book in the bed with his wife beside him.Then without looking,he touched her ****.She turned around and asked:''U want sex??''He replied,No,juz wetting my finger to turn the page.
 GunCryst
Joined: 4/28/2007
Msg: 55
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History
Jokes, Jokes, Jokes!!!!!!
Posted: 6/23/2007 11:55:10 PM
A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to "Dad." With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Dad:
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am.
But it's not only the passion...Dad she's pregnant.
Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it.
Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love, Your Son John

PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my center desk drawer. I love you. Call me when it's safe to come home.
 dimila
Joined: 3/25/2007
Msg: 56
Jokes, Jokes, Jokes!!!!!!
Posted: 7/11/2007 6:13:47 PM
An Australian guy is travelling around the Greek Islands.
He walks into a bar and, by chance, is served by an Australian
Barmaid.



As she takes his order, a Foster's, she notices his accent. Over the
course of the evening they get chatting. At the end of her shift he
asks if she wants to come back to his place.
Although she is attracted to him she says no. He then offers to pay
her
$200 to sleep with him.


As she is travelling around the world, and is short of funds, she
agrees.


The next night the guy turns up again. Again he orders Fosters and
after showing her plenty of attention, asks if she will sleep with
him
again for $200. She remembers the night before and is only too happy
to
agree.
This goes on for 5 nights. On the 6th night the guy comes in again,
orders Fosters but goes and sits in the corner. The barmaid thinks
that
if she pays him more attention then, maybe she can shake some more
cash
out of him. So she goes over and sits next to him.


She asks him where he's from in Australia. - "Melbourne", he tells
her.

"So am I. What suburb?" she enquires. "Glen Iris" he replies.

"That's amazing........." she says excitedly, "..........so am I -
what
street?" "Cameo Street" he replies.
"This is unbelievable........." she says, her voice quavering. "What
number?" "Number 20", he replies.

She is totally astonished.


"You are NOT going to believe this........", she screams, "but I'm
from
number 22! My parents still live there!"
"I know..." he says, "Your Dad gave me $1,000 to give to you"

HE WHO DRINKS AUSTRALIAN, THINKS AUSTRALIAN


Dimilaxx
 dimila
Joined: 3/25/2007
Msg: 57
Jokes, Jokes, Jokes!!!!!!
Posted: 7/11/2007 6:18:49 PM
>COOL THINGS ABOUT BEING A MAN
>
>Yes, it's good to be a man......
>
>1. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
>
>2. Your orgasms are real. Always.
>
>3. Your last name stays put.
>
>4. The garage is all yours.
>
>5. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
>
>6. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
>
>7. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
>
>8. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
>
>9. Hot wax ne ver comes near your pubic area.
>
>10. Same work .. more pay.
>
>11. Wrinkles-add character.
>
>12. You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch
adjustments.
>
>13. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
>
>14. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
>
>15. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
>
>16. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
>
>17. One mood, ALL the damn time.
>
>18. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds.
>
>19. A five-day vacation requires only 1 suitcase.
>
>20. You can open all your own jars.
>
>21. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
>
>22. Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
>
>23. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
>
>24. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
>
>25. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
>
>26. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without
ever
>thinking "He must be mad at me."
>
>27. No maxi-pads.
>
>28. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just
>might become lifelong friends.
>
>29. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
>
>30. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a
bolt.
>
>31. You are unable to see wrinkles in clothes.
>
>32. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
>
>33. Your belly usually hides your big hips.
>
>34. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
>
>35. You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
>
>36. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on
December
>24th, in minutes.
>
>37. The world is your urinal.
>
>TEN THINGS MEN KNOW FOR SURE ABOUT WOMEN.
>
>1.
>
>2.
>
>3.
>
>4.
>
>5.
>
>6.
>
>7.
>
>8.
>
>9.
>
>10. They have breasts.

Dimilax
 Mystic77
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 58
Jokes, Jokes, Jokes!!!!!!
Posted: 7/12/2007 4:51:10 AM
GRANDMA IN COURT

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grand motherly, elderly woman to the stand.

He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair."
 birknhead
Joined: 7/22/2006
Msg: 59
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Jokes, Jokes, Jokes!!!!!!
Posted: 7/14/2007 3:24:20 PM
Why was the pastie waiting at the end of the road ? ... Cuz it was Meat 'N Potatoe
 pokefan
Joined: 6/3/2005
Msg: 60
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Jokes, Jokes, Jokes!!!!!!
Posted: 7/17/2007 10:31:31 AM
What do you call a dead blonde in a closet?












Winner of the 1982 hide-n-go-seek-contest
 pokefan
Joined: 6/3/2005
Msg: 61
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Posted: 7/17/2007 10:32:57 AM
know why blondes prefer tilt steering in their automobiles?













more head-room
 pokefan
Joined: 6/3/2005
Msg: 62
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Jokes, Jokes, Jokes!!!!!!
Posted: 7/17/2007 10:37:45 AM
blonde and brunette walking down the street and pass by a flower shop,
brunette looks in the window and say OH NOOOO!!!!

blonde: what's wrong
brunette: my boyfriend is buying me a dozen roses
blonde: so what don't you like flowers?
brunette: I love flowers but every time he buys em for me he expects me to lie
around the house with my legs up in the air for about a week

blonde: don't you have a vase
 Mystic77
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 63
Jokes, Jokes, Jokes!!!!!!
Posted: 7/18/2007 9:47:50 AM
A man goes to visit his grandpa in the hospital.

"How are you, Grandpa?" he asks.

"Feeling fine," says the old man.


"What's the food like?"


"Terrific, wonderful menus."


"And the nursing?" "Just couldn't be better. These young nurses
really take care of you."


"What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?"


"No problem at all -- nine hours solid every night. At 10 o'clock they
bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet ...and that's it. I
go out like a light."


The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so rushes off to
question the Sister in charge.

"What are you people doing?" he asks, "I'm told you're giving a
95-year-old Viagra on a daily basis. Surely, that can't be true?"


"Oh, yes," replies the Sister.

"Every night at 10 o'clock we give him a cup of chocolate and a Viagra
tablet. It works wonderfully well. The chocolate makes him sleep, and
the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed."
 doors1999
Joined: 8/4/2006
Msg: 64
Jokes, Jokes, Jokes!!!!!!
Posted: 7/21/2007 4:49:14 AM
why did the chicken only cross half the highway
He wanted to lay it on the line
 mystic writer
Joined: 5/27/2007
Msg: 65
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Jokes, Jokes, Jokes!!!!!!
Posted: 7/30/2007 6:15:28 AM
While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage.

The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign...

"Energy efficient vehicle. Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step on exhaust."

SW
 FistnCuffs
Joined: 10/13/2006
Msg: 66
Jokes, Jokes, Jokes!!!!!!
Posted: 8/1/2007 3:46:55 AM
i dunno if this ones been posted b4...if it has...tfb
with all the changes mcdonalds is going thru in the uk they have also added a new burger to the menu...it is made just using the lips of the cow...
they are calling it the mcjagger
 Girlflower
Joined: 3/12/2007
Msg: 67
Jokes, Jokes, Jokes!!!!!!
Posted: 8/6/2007 4:05:43 PM
Subject: Fred and Mary

Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so
they go back to
Fred's parent's home for their first night together.
In the morning, Johnny , Fred's little brother, gets up and has
his
breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he
asks his Mom
if Fred and Mary are up yet.
She replies, 'No'. Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom

replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to
school.'
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, 'Are Fred and
Mary up yet?'
She replies, 'No.' Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and
go back
to school.'
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, 'Are Fred and
Mary

up yet?' His mom says, ' No.' He asks, 'Do you know what I
think?'
His Mom replies, 'Ok, do tell me what you think?' He says:
'Last

night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I
gave him my airplane glue.'
 mystic writer
Joined: 5/27/2007
Msg: 68
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Posted: 8/11/2007 7:50:41 AM
One hot,summer day, a redneck came into town with his dog.
He tied the dog under the shade af a tree, and went into the bar for a cold beer.
About 20 minutes later a policeman came into the bar and asked wh owned the dog
tied outside under the tree.
The redneck said that it was his.
The policeman said,"Your dog seems to be in heat."
The redneck replies, "No way my dawg's in heat. She's cool, cus I got er' tied unner
the shade tree."
The policeman says,"No, You don't understand. She needs to be bred'.
"No way!" the redneck says. "Ma' dawg don't need no bread. She ain't hungry cus'
I fed er' some beef jerky this mornin".
Now the policeman gets mad. "NO!! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!
YOUR DOG WANTS TO HAVE SEX!"
The redneck looks at him, and after a long pause, says,
"Go ahead. I always wanted a police dawg."

sw
 betterlate
Joined: 12/22/2006
Msg: 69
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Posted: 8/11/2007 9:43:58 PM
:41:
 Amouredknight
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 70
Jokes, Jokes, Jokes!!!!!!
Posted: 8/13/2007 5:21:06 PM
You might notice in my profile in the pictures there is a CPO tone, brownish type photo of me in buckskins with a necklace. People are always asking me what kind of teeth or claws they are and I tell em the truth.

They are from my late wife who I loved passionately, only thing left of that relationship as of now but memories. We lived way up in the mountains above a creek away from everyone else; we loved the solitude. We had an agreement or contract that since she had many family members and friends dropped by that I would bring in at least 100 lbs. of meat a week. Yep, every week 100 lbs., minimum!

She would barbecue almost every night, and fed the kids well and the family members who dropped by; nobody in our neighborhood ever went hungry. I mean I either went to the store or brought back meat from hunting deer and elk or trappin something.

She was so beautiful, a gorgeous blond about 200lbs., and she loved me something feirce. I mean child she would scratch my back leavin scars in lovemakin like no woman ever could in our ardent times; I loved her badly!

Well one day she went down to the beauty shop to get her hair done and her nails manicured. Meanwhile she was listening to all those females preachin pagaen goddess propaganda, or rather the feminism of the time; you know female chauvenism. They said "Girl, you tell that man of yores to bring home 200 lbs. of meat a week or get walking." So she came back telling "You are going to bring home 200 Lbs. of meat per week or you are moving out." I said "Honey, the environment won't support 200 lbs a week, I hunt Deer, Bear, and Elk to the maximum now; there won't be nothin left if I take that much from the environment." She went on and on from Dawn to Dust ragging on me about wanting to renegotiate the contract to 100 more lbs. I told her "I'd have to go to Montana and bring back Buffalo meat and more Elk to supply that much meat for everyone."

So you know how blondes are liking white wine over red, sophisticated they iz, like chardanay or chablis, so I went down to the liquor store and bought a whole case of white wine. One semi-expensive bottle of $75 wine the rest cheap $3-4 bottles. After the first bottle she can't tell the difference anyway.

I packed it in on my mule to our place and got her so drunk and wasted, and lubricated inside, drinking all that white wine she would have done anthing! While she was passed out in our cave I took my bowie knife and pliers and pulled all her nails or claws and left for good. It took me near a day each to get by filing them smooth, all the fingernail polish off those beautifil nails. And that's where I got my necklace.

My Eagle freind and the bear says they saw her running around skin and bones, ribs showing, mangy pelt, at 120lbs the other day. And they mentioned the cubs still say I was too good to her, a real man and good provider! She can't catch no more deer anymore without claws and is forced to huntin rabbits and quail, semi starvin she iz. But I told her I ain't ever going to let some big ole _ussycat run me like that then or ever.

You see lil darling I have fun too, but I sure do miss my panther, but she just never could get used to me, but I do know how to treat females right?"
 JFL2009
Joined: 9/19/2005
Msg: 71
Jokes, Jokes, Jokes!!!!!!
Posted: 8/14/2007 10:28:04 AM
Children are a gift from God, and hold a very special place
in our hearts. And as any parent knows, out of the mouths of
babes come amazing things! So today we will take a look at
a message I received this week from one of our subscribers.

Now I hope that you will laugh as hard as I did when I first read
these, so let us begin.......

Kid's Bible Lessons:

A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of
the Good Samaritan, in which a man was beaten, robbed and
left for dead. She described the situation in vivid detail so her
students would catch the drama. Then, she asked the class,

"If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and
bleeding, what would you do?"

A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence,

"I think I'd throw up."

~**~**~**~**

STORY OF ELIJAH

The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story
of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal. She
explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the
steer in pieces, and laid it upon the altar. And then, Elijah
commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and
pour it over the altar. He had them do this four times.

"Now," said the teacher, "can anyone in the class tell me why
the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the
altar?"

A little girl in the back of the room started waving her hand,
"I know, I know," she said, "to make the gravy!"

~**~**~**~**

LOT'S WIFE

A Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife
looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Johnny
interrupted, "My Mommy looked back once, while she was
DRIVING," he announced triumphantly, "and she turned into
a telephone pole!"

~**~**~**~**

DID NOAH FISH?

A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think
Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?"

"No," replied Johnny. "How could he, with just two worms?"

~**~**~**~**

HIGHER POWER

A Sunday school teacher said to her children,
"We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were
in Bible times. But, there is a higher power. Can anybody tell
me what it is?"

One child blurted out, "Aces!"

~**~**~**~**

SUNDAY SCHOOL

Nine year old Joey, was asked by his mother what he had
learned in Sunday school.

"Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind
enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of
Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers
build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely.
Then, he used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters for
reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and
all the Israelites were saved."

"Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his
mother asked.

"Well, no, Mom. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd
never believe it!"

~**~**~**~**

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD

A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class
memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible;
Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the verse.

Little Bobby was excited about the task. But, he just couldn't
remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get
past the first verse.

On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23
in front of the whole congregation, Bobby was so nervous.
When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and
said proudly,

"The Lord is my shepherd and that's all I need."
 Amouredknight
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 72
Jokes, Jokes, Jokes!!!!!!
Posted: 8/14/2007 12:28:42 PM
P R Gal you are just TOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!

I even heard God Laughing on those, boy is it noisey when God Chuckles!
 Amouredknight
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 73
Jokes, Jokes, Jokes!!!!!!
Posted: 8/14/2007 4:29:33 PM
From Post #1470:


What her drink say about HER

Drink : Beer
Personality : Casual, low-maintenance; down to earth.
Approach : Challenge her to a game of pool.

Drink : Blender drinks with umbrella
Personality : Flaky, annoying, ditzy, and a pain in the ass.
Approach : Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.

Drink : Mixed drinks - no umbrellas
Personality : Mature, has picky taste; knows what she wants.
Approach : If she wants you, she'll send YOU a drink.

Drink : Wine - (bottled not 4 litre cask)
Personality : Conservative and classy, sophisticated.
Approach : Try and weave Paris and clothing into the conversation.

Drink : Barcardi Breezer - Hooch
Personality : Easy; thinks she is trendy and sophisticated,
actually has absolutely no clue.
Approach : Make her feel smarter than she is. and you're in.

Drink : Shots
Personality : Hanging with frat-boy pals or looking to get
drunk...and naked.
Approach : Easiest hit in the joint. Nothing to do but wait...


***This is all too Prophethic in that I see those Pathetic type females downtown husling guys in the bars to scam a drink almost everyday; very insightful!
! ***

Your joke is more Reality than comedy!
 JFL2009
Joined: 9/19/2005
Msg: 74
Jokes, Jokes, Jokes!!!!!!
Posted: 8/14/2007 6:17:11 PM
That reminds me ...
A paster was preaching a sermon one Sunday morn on drinking .
He says if I had all the wine in the word I would take it and throw it in the river .
If I had all the liquar in the world I would take it and throw it in the river .
If I had all the beer in the world I would take it and throw it in the river .
Then he turns and says , we will close with a hym ....
The quire stands up and begins to sing , " Shall We Gather at The River ?
The beautiful , the beautiful river ..... ect ... ect ...
 Amouredknight
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 75
Jokes, Jokes, Jokes!!!!!!
Posted: 8/15/2007 10:00:14 AM
Many Moons ago, there was a Native woman from Cheyenne River Reservation who seeked to prepare to marry a white man in the 20th century. She took him to her tribal reservation of her people the Miniconjou Lakota while visiting her parent's lodge. After a few days she brought out a sacred bundle that had the following inside: loincloth, knife, moccasins, and headband that she had prepared for him to wear.

She told him "Darling Love, I want you to wear this and go out into the wilderness for one Moon and survive from the land. It is the way of my people to prove your courage as a man by the 'test of survival'. All males who marry one of my tribe must do this to prove they have honor and the ability as a warrior to endure and prosper from nature for their loved ones. " Her Fiance, said "No, I will not do this even if your relatives scorn me, this is completely crazy, not orthodox, and I will not go!" Her suitor was a religious man and at 26 was still a virgin and had a integrity that would not bend unless he was proved wrong. She was a widow from a Indian man who drank himself into oblivion. She was sensual and HOT needing a husband as she wanted to love him somethin feirce; she really missed expressing her passion. So she locked her legs around him 'Tight' and pressed her firm large breasts against his body as a way of saying 'I'll give you all the lovin you want if you'll just do this for me!'" He still stood firm on his convictions. His beauty plead her case, she cried tears as big as lakes saying "You don't really love me nor value who I am, you don't care of my reputation among my people!" He said "No Way Woman I Refuse To Go!" And she yelled violently in anger and threw everything in her parents tipi at him that she could get her hands on; even cast iron skillets(ouch). This tuggle war went on from dawn till sunset with him clothed in the breechcloth and his moccasins on while she strongly tried to persuade him, but despite all she did, playing upon his sympathys and using hostile tactics her future husband refused to honor her demands.

That night her father and his potential brothers-in-law showed up and questioned him intensely. His prospective Father-In-Law said "We hear you refuse to honor tribal custom, that you will not do as your future wife wants." The suitor said "No way Cheif, this is not going to happen, no offense to your people's traditions." The prospective father-in-law said "Many winters ago there was a man like many before him who trapped choppa ota(Many Beaver) at Cherry Creek. He was trying to walk the Red Road and fed the widows and hokshila waste ota(many good boys) muuch beaver meat, deer, and turkey. He was said to look for a virtuous Winyan Was'te(good woman) among the seven fires of the Lakota. He was steadfast like you and showed our people much respect; you remind me of him as he wasn't going to sell out what he believed to be the truth." The Father said "Are you saying, she whinned, she got angry, and went on and on trying to get you to go on 'Test Of Survival' and you still will not go?" The young man said firmly "NO!" The Father and his sons gathered around him in a very serious manner with deadly eyes, fear would half engulfed a weak man as they had feirce glaring gestures toward him. The father said "we have noticed for some time that this oppresive govt. over us is trying to make all into 'womb worshippers' as we see holy idol on Manhattan Island with the Torch in Hand. We see confused false prophets like Hefner and Flynt, and notice males worshipping in vaginal temples called Brothels in Pauite great Basin land. We were once mighty but this govt. seeks to castrate real man and make us bow to holy idol on Manhattan Island." The Father then said unto his future son-in-law "For many thousands of winters the females of our tribe have tried to make us go on 'Test of Survival'. None of us have ever gone. You warrior spirit of manliness have now passed the 'Test of Survival'. Be happy with my daughter as your bride and bear me many grandchildren. And I and my sons will hunt Elk and Buffalo with you this fall!"
 kipohm1
Joined: 12/2/2006
Msg: 76
Jokes, Jokes, Jokes!!!!!!
Posted: 8/17/2007 4:50:43 AM
Pardon?

A skinny irish guy gets into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, he looks down and says in a deep voice "7ft tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch**** 3lb left testicle, 3lb right testicle, Turner Brown".
The Irish man faints and falls to the floor - the big guy kneels down and shakes him and brings him to and says - "What's wrong with you?"
In a weak voice the little guy says "What exactly did you say to me?" The big guy says "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me - I'm 7ft tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch**** my left testicle weighs 3 lbs and my right testicle weighs 3 lbs and my name is Turner Brown. The little guy says "Turner Brown? Sweet Jesus I though you said turn around".
 kipohm1
Joined: 12/2/2006
Msg: 77
Jokes, Jokes, Jokes!!!!!!
Posted: 8/17/2007 4:57:32 AM
In a crowded city at a bus stop a beautiful young blond woman who was waiting for a us was wearing a tight mini skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again she tried to make the step only to discover it wouldn't work. Very embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip a little more and for the 2nd time attempted the step and, once again, to her chagrin she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she tried to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step.
About this time, a large handsome Texan who was standing behind her, picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step.
She went ballistic and turned to the would-be smaritanand yelled "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know how you are!"
The Texan smiled and drawled "Well ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you have unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we were old friends".
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