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Joined: 11/15/2004
Msg: 15
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Rape victim can't healPage 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Hi Marilyn, i am so sorry to hear about your misfortune, but i have a story for you that will make yours sound a little better,i hope,well anyways, i am fully recovered and am now a crossing Guard here in my hometown of Revere,MA......

Now I am going to tell you a story that will put you on the edge of your seat - sit right back and listen. It happened in September of 1974, when I was a tender 9-year-old. One fall day I was with a bunch of friends down at Suffolk Downs Race Track in East Boston, MA when all of a sudden a man pulled up in a big white car asking if any of us would like to wash his car and earn ten dollars. Naturally, one of my 9-year-old friends and I bucked up. Well I won. So I thought – but right then, I thought “A fast way to make $10 bucks! Cool! I entered the man’s car and he drove off, we ending up near the waterfront in the Orient Heights section of East Boston. Then this man, 22-yrs-old at the time, lured me into the tall brush and made sexual advances toward me. I refused and it was either do or die - and you know I didn't want to die – and he hit me. And my world went black for the next six weeks. He then dragged me along the rocks by my arm –further onto Massport property, right where the planes land. To this day I retain scars on my back from it - and he took me further into the tall brush. He next picked up a 2X4 and started to bash my little body up, smashing me - like Gallagher would a watermelon - then picked up another one after leaving the first stuck through my forehead with nails sticking into my nine year old skull - God knows how rusty or dirty - and next picked up another to further bludgeon me, this second being left buried through my shoulder. He then leaves and abandons me there to die. Overnight I lay there slipping in and out of consciousness in a pool of my own blood a few feet from the waterline until the next morning, when a Mr. Frank Contrada had come to walk his dog, Shaggy. The dog smelled my blood and Frank let him go. Into the tall reeds he ran, stopping at my nearly lifeless body and laying next to me. Frank went to investigate and found his dog lying next to what he thought was a rag-doll that the kids had set fire to (picture all the dried blood made me look that way). He noticed only when I moaned that I was a human being, then, Frank had gone to nearby cottages to summon help. The second home he tried, there were people home who summoned all the necessary agencies and they responded rather quickly. Off they whisked me by ambulance to the Massachusetts General Hospital where the doctors had the task of putting me back together as I lay in a coma for the next six weeks, my eyes looking like tennis balls their being so swollen. My mother had told me, as my parents lay vigil at my bedside, 24-hours-a-day, seven days a week, my father worked and after work would come to visit his 9-year-old me, all hooked up to all manner of machines – various tubes going in and out of my body. But I would not give up. Because I was very close to passing on, they didn't think I would make it. Well I disproved all their fears in that I was a little fighter and was not going out like that… As the sixth week came I started to wake from my coma, and shocked all as I opened my eyes. When I was OK enough to start rehabilitation I was then whisked away to another hospital in Brighton, MA - The Kennedy Hospital - where the grueling task of rehabbing began. As they taught me how to walk all over again, talk all over again, I basically had to start life over at nine years old, but was determined to become as whole as I could again. I progressed dramatically, as people were coming to visit - my classmates in the 4th-grade and parents, and just about everyone (I retain all the get-well cards that I had received while recovering). Some months later, they released me when I was well enough to go home. Wearing a football helmet, off I went into the world again – affected today by only those scars, oh, and a seizure disorder for which I take medication and have taken since that frightful event. I then went back to school, having some - but not much - difficulty getting back into the swing of things with my peers. I graduated high school in 1983 and managed still to gain employment at such places as Gillette Razor Company, Hood Milk and many other companies.

Mr. Magnasco’s 9-year-old assault victim lived on to have two beautiful sons of his own, who are now 15 and 17½ - ?. We live in the same house I lived in as a child.

I have, since the late 1990’s, opened up about my story after reading in the paper about a little 10-year-old child who was murdered after being offered a bike. His name is Jeffery Curley. I have since increasingly become very close friends with Jeffrey’s father and family members and like them have been advocating at the State House in Boston for tighter sexual assault legislation. Our laws are getting tougher everyday. I also gave testimony on a bill back in 1999 so as to bolster up the sex offender bill, which unanimously passed into law, and then I watched at a “press only” bill signing as then Governor Paul Cellucci signed it into law. I have amassed photos and news clippings and retain even a couple of interviews on videotape, one being of a Fox 25 interview of myself and the gentleman who acted to save my life, Frank – who, himself, was only a 19-year-old adult male at the time and who today is now 48 or 49-years-old; an interview about what he discovered, along with his dog, Shaggy, following the near fatal events of that tragic day. I also enjoyed an interview with Emily Rooney for her local issue-oriented PBS program, Greater Boston about my story and its fortunate, happy ending. And I would like to and intend to continue speaking outwardly and openly, through interview and all available means, all channels, all media in order to inform, to make children so completely aware that we no longer all read yet another after another tragic American story – with more often far less fortunate endings than my own - I know I am sick of reading that stuff, how it sickens me to see what these villains have done and continue to do and how they continue to thrive in this world, preying upon the most vulnerable of us – because, mind you: the man that did this to me was caught a week later, but he got out when I was only sixteen years old, whereas I am now going on having served my 30-th year, as a result of a crime from which, though I lived to tell, I well never see a chance of parole. I, along with all my co-victims – yesterday’s, today’s, and - tragically - tomorrow’s; we straightly receive a life sentence.

Well this story has a twist – nearly interrupting my happy ending, but I am present and available to assist you all in keeping fortunate outcomes such as mine secured for today and tomorrows tender victims. You see, it seems this other little boy, one also in his tender years, a mere10-year-old, was abducted in April of 1974. He was not so lucky - he never made it home. They never found his body. The State Police homicide detectives approached me during the summer of 2001, asking me questions about my personal assailant. I told them everything I knew. They have also interviewed Frank, who found me in that field all those years ago. Seems they had reopened that missing person’s folder on that little 10-year-old boy (as I was to learn a few weeks later upon opening my local paper, being confronted with “DA's Office Reopens Missing Persons Case from 1974”) in 2001. Can be made available at the request of any and everyone who similarly is striving to strengthen and ensure the protections around our children until they are no longer selected all too fearlessly as berries on the vine plucked from their lives to service and to sate ravenous birds that nearly liberally flock to, prey upon and thrive upon them; until the papers are quieted from the noise of their suffering, their shock, and their many silenced cries.

I have come a long way, have jumped often to overcome many hurdles in my life. God was watching me and kept me through the night, each night. Realize, I am here for a reason - I know there is a Higher Power that has had a hand in my being alive to speak out today. Taking it all in over the years and now speaking out feels great! I am doing this for the common good and invite you, if you are not on board, to get on board or otherwise encourage you to renew your commitment. And if you agree this sounds like a relevant issue and would care to avail yourselves of one of the public in bringing this issue to the fore, not just as a hot topic, but as a means to a positive and final end, then count me at your service and to that end will I always remain at their service to tell my story and prevent these situations from happening.
tter, and i hope it does...:-)...
Joined: 7/13/2004
Msg: 19
Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 2/19/2005 10:54:55 AM
For one.. I think you should go to a councilor.. Maybe a Christian one because it aligns with your faith and they can help you make sense of it.. It will be someone that you can talk to and spill it all out and that always feels good to get it off your chest plus they wont ridicule you or throw it in your face.

My heart goes out to you, you have seen the ugliness of this world far to young.

Here is something to think about. We only touch this world in the present, not the past or the future.. Then are things we can not change. The future we can to an extent.. But what I am getting at is.. The past is something you can not change.. You lived it, survived it and it is over,, cast it out of your mind.. It will do you no good to dwell on it.. As hard as that is. I know. But the past is effecting you now.. And I understand it will. But your past is not who you are now nor is it who you will be in the future. You still have value, you still are worthy to be loved.. Not abused.. Giving up hope only means this trial has beaten you and I know your stronger then that because your still here and still fighting.. Judging from your post.. You just need guidance and answers.. Hang in there. You’ll make it. I have faith in you.
Joined: 12/3/2004
Msg: 24
view profile
Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 2/21/2005 11:12:34 AM
I don't know the answer....I'm willing to test it to see....any female vollinteers?
I'd prefer a larger woman...You know, arround 300 to 350 lbs
Just come take it. If you think you can get it...
Joined: 5/25/2004
Msg: 26
Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 4/12/2005 2:01:15 PM
It never goes away, I was anally raped by high friends over 20 years ago, you never forget and it does change a person, some how we just move on and go forward
Joined: 2/4/2005
Msg: 27
Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 4/12/2005 4:42:20 PM
O. Shit. It must be bad. My sister was raped by my step father. I've seen the pain, just would never know cause" I've never been raped.
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 33
Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 4/12/2005 8:23:58 PM
Ok. this is probably the wrong thing to bring up here but I just finished reading a blackmanx post that leaves me untrusting of poster veracity in general.

Your post could very well be totally true, and any inconsistencies are reasonable, but theres just a few questions.

Your religion does not allow homosexual behavior but does allow premarital sex of the type described? Also you implied a catholic/orthodox or Anglican religion with the nun comment (the only groups that I know of that still have them except episcopals and they don't do the gay bashing thing) but you believe that being a nun comes with a virginity requirement?

I dunno. I'm probably still a bit paranoid.

No nun's order that I know of makes virginity a requirement. Quite the reverse, it used to be the traditional salvation of "fallen women" at one time.

You may have trouble becoming one though. They try and avoid people who escape to the church to avoid sexual issues. It's not about chastity it's about God. Also praying 8 times a day isn't everyones cup of tea. (well catholic monks do that anyway, not as sure about nuns )

I'd say therapy is the cheaper, easier, and more effective solution here. Rape is traumatic stress. If you don't deal with it, it may find ways to make it's self known.
Joined: 4/2/2005
Msg: 35
Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 5/1/2005 2:36:49 PM
I am a 20 year old person who was rapped when i was a freshman in high school and i still have not forgot about that and what he did to me.I remember it was the fall homecoming football game and some friends and i went to dinner at Dairy Queen then my guy friend told my other friends to go ahead of us he needed to talk to me so i went with him and then he took off his shirt and started to do what he wanted to do i just remember lying there on the grounf stunned and trying to get back up but he just told me to relax and it wont hurt..After awhile i thought i was pregnant but I thnk GOD to this day that i was not a teen mom. The second time that the same guy rapped me was at the end of the school year when my shool held a festivle for the new high school where i live, and he rapped me in the old high shool and i can't believe i fell for the trick that he did on me, i also remember that in a class that i had with him he told me to slunk down in my desk chair and then he pulled my leg and started to touch me and nobody saw what he was doing to me due to the face that they were watching a biology movie and the room was dark.. But now that i am 20 i look back and tell myself that it is all in the past and i can't go back what was done is now done and i have to live with that, my parents told me that it was my fault but i know that is was not my fault and now i am trying to find the right person who can understand on where i am coming from and who can help me control all of my panic attacks, I am now helping myself by staying at home and babysitting to get away from the memories but they are still there in my heart and dreams i am scared for life on this i thought i could trust him but i was wrong, now that i am older and wiser i can help people out if they need my help i guess it is the way that i am now. I even had abusive relationships and even before i moved to indiana when i lived in illinos so it is alot harder for me now to get over something like this..
Joined: 11/10/2004
Msg: 36
Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 12/14/2005 1:51:02 PM
Your story (stories) have touched me. I am so sorry for what you have endured. There is nothing else that I can say.
Joined: 7/19/2006
Msg: 41
Rape victim can't heal you are SCAR for LIFE.....
Posted: 8/11/2006 8:44:42 PM
its scar to u carry for life..... I was in that situation when I was 21. A friend of mine went out on a date with my sister to the Symphony of Fire & I wasnt told by my sister that my friend made at pass at her & she brushed him off... to get back at my sister he went after me when we went out for dinner at his place over the holidays this was when i was 21. He slipped me the date rape pill on my drink( the reason i knew that bec 5 other women called me to let me know that he did the same to them) & when i woke up I was naked beside him & was sore really sore.

So I went home in a cab & my sister knew something went wrong bec he didnt drop me off & I was in tears because of the pain I was feeling. We then went to the hospital to get it checked i was raped by my ex friend now..... and left me with this scar tissue that prevents me for having kids in the future & that has been terribly hurt me over the years since it happen because I was told that I would make a great mother but I cant have my own kids but I can either adopt or have stepkids which I do from previous relationships.....
Joined: 11/23/2005
Msg: 44
Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 8/29/2006 5:34:03 AM
Unfortunateley, you will never fully heal from what has occured in your life. You will always bear the indelible mark of a victim...but you can overcome. You need counseling badly, and if you need help finding some, contact me. You can get through this!
-Em <
Joined: 8/7/2006
Msg: 45
Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 8/29/2006 6:32:27 AM
give the women a try.

Or next time a man tries to guilt you into sex.. show him the door. If all he wants is sex you aren't going to see him again anyway so nothing lost there.
Joined: 7/3/2006
Msg: 46
Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 8/29/2006 8:00:52 AM
i'm so sorry to hear about what happened to you...i've experienced some similar stuff...i was raped when i was 12 and got pregnant by the man (my father let him do it to me, it was his best friend) and from there i was beatten my my dad, my ex...i`t's been crappy but 3 years ago i decided enough is enough...if i let them change who i am or let them transform me into this shy, fearful, retiring shell when i used to be so sociable, extroverted and fearless...well now i changed the way i see things...i know what`s the worst that can happen to me (cuz i really do think that rape is the worst thing that can happen to a doesn`t kill your body, it kills your soul)and i know i can survive now i just take the world with eyes wide open, i am critical and very tough but i do take risks if the person seems worth it...i will not let those who hurt me destroy me, i wont let them change me, i wont let them win...i will be myself and make my own life and be better and happier than they will ever be!
Joined: 2/21/2006
Msg: 48
Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 9/3/2006 10:22:49 PM
You cannot let that become your total identity.
Go for counselling for it, call your local rape crisis unit - get the free help, the groups that are available. Rise above it and dont let it control your life, bad things happen to good people all the time but we cannot let it control every breath we take.
If you dont get the help you need you will always put yourself in the same situtation. usually women that have been sexually abused once, get either sexually or physically or emotionally abused again and again.
I have had many bad things happen to me in my past, including rape, robbery, being held at gunpoint, physical assault and the list goes on and on...but I do not live in fear and face each day with thankfullness. And one thing that helps, is prayer. a lot of people forget that.
Joined: 11/6/2005
Msg: 50
Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 9/4/2006 4:46:36 PM
shattered,,,,I might be the bad girl here also,, but I agree with you,, was molested at 3,, 7,, raped at 11,,the night my mom died,, by a neighbor,,,, at 17 after a school dance,, my dad trusted the guy,,,who took me home,, , and yes rape victim do heal,, but you have to forgive,, in order to go on,,,and I don't mean forgive the guy to his face,, but forgive him in your heart,, these people are sick,,, give them or him no more thought and go on with your life,,,don't let them mess up you life,, cause then , they have won,, and you'll never beable to be open and complete with another man,, unless you put it away once and for all, but also , don't put yourself as easy pray,, even at my age, I don't bring any man into my house,, till I know him pretty good,,,it's called being safe,, even a woman, that has never raped ,,shouldn't ,, cause it can happen at any time,, and yes, I love men,,I think there soo nice,, I haven't dated in years ,, only because being a firefighter, I didn't have the time,, also had a child to care for,,,,, but I don't hold all men responable for what happen to me,,, that would be stupid to blame all men,, I wouldn't want to be blamed for what some other woman did,, to someone,, see it makes no sence,, so good luck,, you need to heal you before you should even start dateing ,,,,, and just be carefull, that all any of us can do,, xxxx
Joined: 7/26/2006
Msg: 52
Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 9/4/2006 5:13:16 PM
rape is rape did you press charges!
Joined: 8/24/2006
Msg: 53
Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 9/4/2006 5:17:56 PM
Get off the internet and call the local rape crisis centre in your neighbourhood and go to the counselling programs that they suggest. You need help. Anyone in your situation would need help. You're not weak to look for and accept help. Gain from the experience of these counsellers who have dealt with many women in similar situations.

My daughter was raped during her second year at university. She spent a couple years recovering from it. Today she's happily married to a fellow who is kind, supportive and gentle.

Yes you could be a nun. I don't think you want to be.

Good luck

Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 54
Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 9/9/2008 8:43:54 PM
Three words: "dialectical behavioral therapy"
Joined: 12/14/2008
Msg: 55
Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 12/26/2008 5:43:29 AM
Honestly, the grandmother thing just pisses me off. My ex and I used to counsel adult survivors and the 'unlikely' (for lack of a better word) role model in a childs life which molest them does the most damage....."unlikely grandmother". Although its becoming more and more prevalent a female abuser has not been the abnormal norm.

The stages of development are seriously shaken when a child is abused by the 'mother' figure in there life. I have known young men into the their 20's and 30's who still slept with there mother and felt so completely twisted by it but didn't know how to break free from the bondage. Almost like a Norman Bates thing. Many of these young men were counseled on a lock down psyche unit.

Being molested and raped is a very unfortunate experience but it also seems that once it happens to a child ....when an abuser comes along they can easily detect this and they will take advantage of it if the opportunity arises. Predators are also very clever, they especially love women/men who have small children because its a feeding frenzie for them once they're in good with you. And the saga goes on.......

There are some wonderful groups with people of your same situation who can help you grow and overcome this spirit/soul handicap which was FORCED on you. They will help you learn how to change your patterned behaviors and 'thinking' because of the abuse.

.....And if you have the courage to endure the added pain of understanding you will find yourself blossoming into the beautiful rose that you are......and YOU WILL find the courage because YOU are a SURVIVOR.
Joined: 7/30/2009
Msg: 56
view profile
Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 11/6/2012 3:45:27 PM
Take time to see a professional therapist. It is an investment in yourself.
Joined: 12/1/2011
Msg: 57
view profile
Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 11/7/2012 7:09:08 PM
Wow There are times I am so ashamed of my gender, I have experienced horrible heart ache, but it is hard to understand something you have never gone through yourself. I can not heal your pain but I can shoulder some of it for you ladies whom have gone through such horrible things, by praying for all of you. It is said that forgiveness is a powerful tool in healing, I know it is hard to do, heck I am not sure if I have completely forgiven the person & reason for my heart ache at times, but I do know the more I do practice the forgiveness, the less controll the heart ache & the incident has over me. I can not remember the name of the book, the authors name is Corrie Tenboom, a holocaust survivor, she was the only member of her family to make it.... & forgiveness is the main theeme through out the book.... May God's love, comfort, & most of all security in His arms wrapped around you always bring you PEACE that can be found in no other person, or no where else on Earth.
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 58
view profile
Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 11/8/2012 2:11:55 AM
If you want to be happy you have to be yourself and you can't be yourself if you are denying that you are gay. The abuse that you've experienced is not what has made you gay, scientists and others say that our sexuality is determined while still developing in utero.

I'm not a believer in god so I do not believe that it will help you.

I do believe there are a lot of sick people out there and we must not let them take our happiness away forever just because they hurt us in the past. They are the ones that should suffer, not you.

I'm very sorry that this has happened and I hope that you start living the life you are entitled too.

Please find a counselor that will help you to live your life fully.
Then find an understanding female partner to love and be loved by.
Joined: 10/1/2012
Msg: 59
Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 11/8/2012 7:31:27 PM
I'm very sorry to hear this. I believe there are only a small percentage of rapists out there. That will be hard to believe after what you have been through.
As far as your questions about God go he instructed his people to pillage and rape in the Bible and he lets his children starve and get raped every day over and over.
But he says he's sad about it.
Joined: 9/12/2012
Msg: 60
view profile
Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 11/8/2012 8:14:22 PM
OP, I have a friend who was raped by her father and her uncle thru most of her childhood. As a teen she slept around a lot and she did not have any self esteem. I knew her then and I have seen her breakdowns, for what they did to her and how she lashed out and hurt herself.

Along came a good man. One that has been patient with her and her self-esteem and anger problems. Two years later along comes a baby. I vividly remember the day I went to her house to see her for the first time with her new baby. I vividly remember her looking up at me with tears in her eyes but peace there as well. I will forever remember what she told me that day. She said, "Jen, it all makes since now. Sexual abuse runs in my family; my mother was abused, I was abused, my brothers were abused. But it stops with me. If God put me thru this to ensure that I would know the signs of abuse so that I can prevent it with my child then it was all worth it. Because I know what to look for and how it feels to be abused by the people who are suppose to protect you I can promise on my life that it will never happen to my child and if that is what it takes for mine to be protected then I would gladly suffer it again." One of the most beautiful things i have ever seen in my whole life.

Her child has been diagnosed with autism. She is such a wonderful mother. She is an advocate for her child and thru her her child will always have a voice. I am so happy and proud for her. She will never put what happened out of her mind but instead of letting it drag her down she has used her experience to be strong for her now children and is one of the best people I know.

I hope this helps you. I truly believe somewhere down the road that you will be able to live in peace with what has happened to you. Hopefully someday God will give you something so beautiful that all the ugly things will just make you that much more grateful for what you have.

I am so sorry you are going thru this. If you ever need someone to talk to please message me. I can always use another friend myself.
Joined: 5/19/2012
Msg: 61
view profile
Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 11/9/2012 10:08:01 AM
You're not the only one whose been raped. I wasn't, but i certainly didn't say no......(sex does feel good- emotions aside)
Joined: 10/27/2012
Msg: 62
Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 11/10/2012 11:20:11 AM
dont let a man have sex with u just because he asks ! thats what will make u feel used.u deserve respect ! make a man give it to u or give him the boot ! out there somewhere is the perfect man for u .pray for God to bring u two together.its so hard.;( im looking for my mr right 2 after many failed relationships.n dont ever feel responsible for any abuse that u were given ! it was always their fault ! never yours ! luv kay
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