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 Tarika
Joined: 8/30/2006
Msg: 78
Why do men use me??Page 2 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
Because you obviously allow him to use you. If you feel used, you alone are responsible for your feelings. Do something about it if you don't like it.

Good luck
 Chrysostom
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 80
Why do men use me??
Posted: 2/6/2007 4:34:50 PM
Because you're so useful!
 Enchantment !
Joined: 7/25/2006
Msg: 84
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Why do men use me??
Posted: 2/6/2007 5:15:32 PM
Obviously, you know that there is a major problem with your whole situation. So, you really don't need us to give you advise for you have answered your own question. The way your partner is treating is hurting you....so, if you can't fix it than its time to move on and let this fish go.He seems to ONLY want/ TAKE and give you nothing ...relationships are give and take on both sides.
Believe me girl, there are many sweet fish out here just waiting for a woman like you. DOn't settle for anything less than someone that will provide respect and honestly. Men and women desire it......but watch it there are so selfish people out there.
Good luck with everything ! Get rid of him :)
 Reel Tyme
Joined: 7/16/2006
Msg: 92
Why do men use me??
Posted: 2/7/2007 2:16:23 PM
DEAR FRIEND,
when seeking out men you must check to see if he can stand on his own. in todays society most men want their women to be their mothers. a real man will never lay up under a woman and if she lets him its her fault. you must have confidence in yourself and settle for nothng but the best for yourself. if you are looking for someone to blame you only need to look in a mirror.
"IT CAN'T RAIN ALL THE TIME!"
 swtcarolinej
Joined: 11/11/2006
Msg: 94
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Why do men use me??
Posted: 2/7/2007 7:55:06 PM
HI Its me again..you wrote my story by the way but he was too dumb to go on website to find the next caregiver ,of his sorry ass!! he was a truck driver also!! I LOVed what HDPYLOT said NEVER MAKE SOMEONE A PRIORITY
 MsOlivia
Joined: 1/2/2005
Msg: 98
Why do men use me??
Posted: 2/8/2007 12:14:29 AM
I think we all have been used in some way or other.......some see it,some choose to ignore it ,some feel they don't deserve anything better.
I know I was in a relationship like that....But one morning I woke up and the first thing out of my mouth was quote"I want u gone and don't let the screen door catch on the ass on the way out" U give and give till u have nothing left inside for U and U will know when it is the right time for U. U deserve better........I wish u luck and my thoughts are with u.
MsO.
PS :
Ladies :that say U let him,kick him out .STOP and think about THAT someone in your past life that treated u as this lady ......it's not that easy !!!!! ..and i am sure everyone of us has someone like that in our history. GIVE HER SUPPORT AND ENCOURAGEMENT AND THE STRENGTH TO MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICES FOR HERSELF..........LOVE IS TOUGH...
 bighicknyc
Joined: 12/23/2006
Msg: 101
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Why do men use me??
Posted: 2/8/2007 5:40:52 PM
Aren't you on a date site? Are you only on it to get advice or perhaps you also like to flirt.
 localatina
Joined: 1/29/2007
Msg: 104
Why do men use me??
Posted: 2/9/2007 12:56:24 PM
i think you should dump the **stard. since you are a kind and generous person you deserve a great man. you are too good for this man. let him go.
 LittleMissScareAll
Joined: 11/11/2006
Msg: 105
Why do men use me??
Posted: 2/9/2007 1:43:50 PM
I have the same problem with being used and I think it's because we're TOO nice...apparently...
 GREENEYES269
Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 106
Why do men use me??
Posted: 2/10/2007 7:26:55 AM
Well Ladys Men use you let them. Some women do the same to men. It happened to me more than once. The thing to try and rember is a relationship is a two way street. It would be great if it was 50/50 but it don't work that way to often. Sometimes you give more which is not a bad thing sometimes. but don't keep giving even more if they give less.If they see you'll do everything they will let you and when they see that you're not gona do it any more thats when it ends. And they will always say its you. BUT IT'S NOT! They Just use you till you got no more left then throw you away or you leave.But you want to know the worst thing. When you meet the right one after you've been done like this we think they are gona do us the same way as the rest.I have'nt dated her yet but I am still waiting. I say don't give up We all need someone. Keep rolling the dice till you get 2 sixes and you win Hope it helped some Take care
 GREENEYES269
Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 112
Why do men use me??
Posted: 2/10/2007 3:45:17 PM
Well Butterfly I do believe in KARMA to but I believe it takes to long. Any way I know shit happens and you have to roll with the shots. The good thing is the last 3 ladys I tried to meet stood me up. But hey whos counting. I found that the ones we end up with at first are the ones that will use us. But I'm not giveing up I know we will find the one that we can take care of and be taken care of by. Hopefully its not the nurse in the old age home. unless there a freak and like older people. wishfull thinking. But this was'nt about me. I hope the nice Lady that started this will be able to get over the bad times. And move on and find the guy to make her happy. Because we all need to be happy. But hey If I can date the one who wants to find out if we can use up all of the Big O's she has I could live with that . Take care good luck
 PickyProfessional
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 119
Why do men use me??
Posted: 2/15/2007 11:10:23 PM
you need to set limits. they're "using" you because you let them...they know they can get by with it. it's partly a confidence thing on your part and partly a boorish thing on their parts. if you sense bad behavior at all, it's time to very quietly/confidently walk away. you can do better.
 hywman3p
Joined: 1/24/2006
Msg: 121
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Why do men use me??
Posted: 2/15/2007 11:51:34 PM
Well this Mother is giving the rest of us hard working,reliable,steady.honest truckers a Bad name.I'll lend you a steal toed Boot with instructions on where to plant it.Might even lend you a pair of boots,one you can use on yourself to get Ya movin on this one LOL. The Bums taking you for a ride down the highway of life.Time to kick the door open and hitch up with a real man..
 Smokeybear
Joined: 3/14/2006
Msg: 124
Why do men use me??
Posted: 4/6/2007 7:21:49 PM
Look, he is using you BIG TIME!!! as soon as he finds someone else he will be gone. GET RID OF HIM NOW!!!!!
 LadyNCuffs
Joined: 9/8/2005
Msg: 130
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Why do men use me??
Posted: 4/6/2007 7:33:19 PM
people only use you if you let them. you look like a nice girl. you sound sharp. doors open both ways.. raise the bar on what you're looking for and boot anyone who doesn't treat you like a prize OUT that door.
 Balerina
Joined: 6/27/2006
Msg: 135
Why do men use me??
Posted: 4/14/2007 1:54:46 AM
Thank you for saying all this.I never thought there was a man who thinks this way. I woke up 30 years latter, but it is never too late. Very kind regards to you sir.
 catlover 3
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 137
Why do men use me??
Posted: 4/14/2007 2:31:40 AM
hi !,i was married 2 someone like that 4 18 years and take it from me girl he will never change,he olny says things like that 2 get u off his back.there is nothing wrong with u ,its him!!!!!!!tell him 2 take a hike u dont need a pick like that.he doesnt love he's using u sweetie -a free mail ticket,im not saying its going 2 b easy cos it wont but u can do it.write back if u can
 CovertMonkey
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 138
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Why do men use me??
Posted: 4/15/2007 4:58:52 PM
quite simply, he oes it because he doesn't have a problem. You let him slouch andwalk on you and be his mom. he needs you to give him a problem.
 harveymcgee
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 146
Why do men use me??
Posted: 4/15/2007 7:19:58 PM
this so-called man isnt a man at all,if he is disrespecting you to that extent,in your own residence and for you to do what you say you do for him and him not take you out or respect you.a man should be a man, he has his cake and hes eating it too with a gallon of milk.dont put up with that childish teenager behavior, you are very attractive and im sure you wont have any trouble finding a man that will step up to the plate and take care of business.a real man doesnt have to be told when to take his woman out, he does it without question!you need a REAL man in your life. too many good guys out there.
 catman40
Joined: 3/27/2007
Msg: 150
Why do men use me??
Posted: 4/16/2007 5:04:08 AM
5 months and acting like a wife ? You are not in wisconsin I have been in the sea for 3 years . no one has hooked me yet . I would want that after the summer then we could see how things are . You don't smoke . hook one . love having a man by your side . hook 2 . want to wake up your man . hook the snagging reel . You got a fish .
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 151
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Why do men use me??
Posted: 4/16/2007 4:31:54 PM
Because people that thrive in the "pity me" mode will never in their wildest dreams imagine that they are capable of hurt. So convinced are they, that life has handed them a raw deal that they become wrapped up in their narcissitic ways and have no room in their life for anyone else's pain. They will only love when it suits them and only listen when they run out of things to whine about.
 betterlate
Joined: 12/22/2006
Msg: 161
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Why do men use me??
Posted: 4/20/2007 5:45:40 AM
This is a very predictable situation... male or female.. this is how it starts..

two people meet... discussions about future, fondness for each other... the kind, giving and helpful one begins to show how they feel by doing a load of laundry, cooking a meal, dropping off at the airport, a present... the other.... nothing, possibly a thank you or a promise that "someday" they will return the favors.

Next phase... they move into gether, the kind one (lets call them Person A, the other person B) Person A does all the shopping , cleaning, laundry, cooking, helps out the other by doing their bookkeeping, running errands, and doesnt mind... they enjoy doing it and love caring for Person B.

Person B, seems to wonder why they are getting all of this great treatment, and begins to accept it, gets used to it, and rationalizes this in their own mind by saying... "well they like doing it or they wouldnt"..) Person B begins to expect all of this kindness.

Person A begins to notice that things are loppsided and begins to resent person B... they may mention that things dont feel right, that they feel used... then... Person B will assure them that "as soon as"... or "when"... this or that happens" then they will make things even..

Person B feel guilty that they are not doing their part, feel the pressure to do something yet dont have the same level of feelings needed to motivate them off of their bum... so they start looking for alternatives... a way out... or something to pacify Person A for a while longer until they "graduate" or save enough, or find a new person A... that is happy to do it all based on the silent promise of it all evening out some day.


Person A... feels sad, used, hurt and confused... "how could this person not realize how much I have done for them"?

Person B doesnt understand how it could all be ok at first, then... fall apart, after all they didnt do anything different they are still the same person. Besides, they dont like being "mothered" or feeling like they dont have a chance to participate in the relationship... that they havent been (given) the chance to do, give, or enhance the relationships...so.. here is the advice portion of this post..

STOP helping him building HIS business and START helping yourself build YOUR business.

STOP cooking and cleaning, STOP letting him stay at your apt. Pack up his things and when he shows up, hand them to him, close the door and lock it (be sure to have the locks changed). Put a letter in a bag of the stuff that is his explaining that you no longer wish to be used, exploited and you are tired of taking care of him and getting nothing back from him but empty promises, his apparent cheating, flirting and other disrespectful behaviors. You are done, and until he will grow up and be a true active partner with ethics, morals, respect and honesty you do not wish to speak with him.

Wish him well and then...prepare for your next relationship by exploring your need to over compinsate, trying too hard, doing too much when it is obvious that you are the only one trying to work on this relationship. I have a friend that gets up at five AM, jogs, showers, gets made up, hair.. make up dress, apron, then cooks brings him breakfast in bed, cleans while he eats, then goes in and makes love, while he is showering, she changes the sheets, makes the bed, lays out his clothes... packs his gourmet lunch... then heads off to work, she gets home and begins cooking dinner, cleans up the house, while he is having drinks with the boys from work... when he finally comes home, he eats, passes out... while she does the rest of her work, helps do his work, pays the bills, and on and on... and on... this went on for eight years...

One day, he came home from work and she had not done any of the cooking of dinner, none of his work, nothing... he said in a loud and rude voice..."Where the hell is dinner, what the hell is wrong with you, and... the topper... I need my karate outfit cleaned, I told you last week I needed it, what the F... is going on?"

She walked him to the door where all of his stuff was packed and gave him the boot...

He got it about three days later and showed back up with five doz white roses, a four carrat ring, two tickets to Aruba and several cards explaining that he now realized what a thoughtless, distracted, non participating person he had been, would she forgive and allow him to make it up to her and show what a great partner he could be.... and they have been so very happy since. It is not always just one persons fault, sometimes it is just easy to get used to the way things are... it is up to us to show people how we want to be treated, and to make sure that they treat us well.

BL Good luck,,,,

,(By the way Bella, if a man treats you like shit, it isnt going to get better if you get married, dont get married, nor sign any deed, if he is crap before it will be crap after..)
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 163
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Why do men use me??
Posted: 4/24/2007 9:29:08 AM
Didn't read any of the answers so I might and probably will be repeating some of what has been said.

NO ONE is walked on unless you lie down first. NO ONE can use you unless you let them!

Users are everwhere to take advantage of the weak or people in situations at the time that make them weak temperarily. Vultures are always around. Know the signs (red flags) and know yourself.

You have lots of red flags you have already ignored. 5 months and he hasn't taken you out? Hanging with your family isnt taking you out. It's again taking, not giving. YOU help him with his business... housing, feed him , clean for him and seem to get nothing back in return. You told him how you feel and he ignores you. He is seeking out other women and you stay. Seems YOU have some issues here that need to be looked at in WHY you ALLOW all this. What are you scared of loosing here? Why do you accept this sort of behavior towards youself. You ask what is wrong with you, so I am thinking you know there is something wrong with you and my guess you know what it is but don't want to admit it. If you admit it, you will need to act. That might be the actual issue here, and your answer. WHY do you NOT want to ACT here?

ALL relationships are give and take and even at times unevenly so. But in the long haul it balances out. If there is NO balance you are indeed being used. Seems you are there. You are giving 100% and getting maybe 25%.

Now all relationships are not even at times. Sometimes one gives 100% and get 0%. Other times we take 100% and give 0%. In time, however, it should balance out to 50/50 when averaged out.

Best wishes, and look inside. You have the answers.

Linda
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