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 Gentlemanfirst
Joined: 3/15/2007
Msg: 164
Why do men use me??Page 3 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
Relationships are very much like a savings account. When you deposit money, in this case your time, energy, home, money etc., you would expect a return on your investment. It doen't sound like you are gettin a fair return on your account. There is never really an explanation as to why people use others to get ahead other than they are BBD individuals. Always looking for that Bigger Better Deal, know what I mean?

You are a beautiful woman lose the Bum!! I have a home and although being a Social Worker I don't make a fortune I would be pleased to take you out dancing and to dinner.: This is for the BUM!
 Gentlemanfirst
Joined: 3/15/2007
Msg: 165
Why do men use me??
Posted: 4/24/2007 9:33:01 AM
As a gentleman who teaches relationship ethics one must first look at themselves and decide if they are users or givers. In each relationship one usually gives more than the other, however this individual must also get back at least a portion of what they are giving. If not then the relationship is going nowhere. Look at it like a savings account.

When you deposit money, in this case your time, energy, home, etc., you are depositing into the relationship account. You would expect a return for that investment. If you do not get it then maybe you should change banks for a better return. In other words it sounds like he is a BBD individual, ie. a person that is looking for the Bigger Better Deal. Lose the Bum.
 SweetItalian174
Joined: 12/23/2006
Msg: 168
view profile
History
Why do men use me??
Posted: 4/24/2007 5:37:06 PM
One very simple answer for this question. Because you let them!!!
 catman40
Joined: 3/27/2007
Msg: 176
Why do men use me??
Posted: 4/25/2007 6:12:10 PM
This is the same thing I see over an over an over . a girl falls for guy who WILL not take her any place . or treat her like crap . I am the total oppisit . I will take the woman to where SHE wants to go . Oh sure there are times when a guy has to say " shes right . " Ok , no man bashing . Yes , I believe a woman should have a say . afterall , us men have ruled woman since cavemen days . a woman SHOULD have the time of her life . where is this great guy you ask ? well , in the fox valley of wisconsin . when a woman walks in the room it should be her and the man behind her . when stop to think of it . all great men are behind the woman . only after a woman has a great time can he think that sex would follow . BUT , that is up to thee woman to decide IF and when he get sex . NOT the otherway around .
 Lisa Maxwell
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 177
Why do men use me??
Posted: 4/25/2007 6:32:30 PM
First of all ladies have totally strayed away from their childhood fantacies. You know how we us to daydream about being married and living in a house on the hill with the white pickett fence. Having a husband that took care of all expenses, and all you have to do is cook and clean and make pasionate love(well that last thought came to mind much later). What I'm really getting at is that if we set our standards high the bombs will stay away and the real men will flock. Then the only problem you will have is picking which one to be with.
 4realRU
Joined: 4/7/2007
Msg: 179
Why do men use me??
Posted: 4/26/2007 8:51:50 PM
This seems like the most appropriate thread to throw in this observation. It's true I've only been here a fairly short time, very short by many members standings. This has now become a nine page forum, gee, must be a very interesting and provocative topic, right?

Some history and highlights observed by a passive user.
Thread started 5-8-06
First sign of awakening by the OP 4-18-06 Msg. 29
The big Break 5-13-06 Msg. 65
'A Sweet Fishy' picks up on this and sends her best wishes. A few others see this as well and send their congrats, but so many continue to tell the OP that all she's doing is being used.
2-8-07 A now extinct member asks why this thread was revised since the OP said it was resolved. Page 5, Msg.121
Fast forward to 4-06-07 Msg. 153 OP says it's been a year since the first post and the guy is long gone.
'A sweet fishy' again picks up on this, Msg. 160
'To Sassy 4 U' points out on 4-14-07 that the situation is over and resolved, even asking if people read the dates on these posts. Msg.171
4-25-07 The OP even changes the thread title to 'He is gone' in Msg. 218.

I'm thrilled that the OP finally opened her eyes and saw things as they really were, but few, very few it would seem, even bothered to read more than the first post before jumping in head first. How does one comment on something they know little about? Just curious, but would you want your doctor reading only the first and last page of your health history before subscribing medications to you?
 4realRU
Joined: 4/7/2007
Msg: 181
Why do men use me??
Posted: 4/26/2007 11:09:30 PM

You will find that many read the ops first post, compsoe their answer based off of that, post and then read the thread. For many it is so that their answers will not be swayed by other posters answers. They also do it so that the thread remains on topic.


You reinforce the very reason for my response.


many read the ops first post, compsoe their answer based off of that, post and then read the thread.


You're saying their answer is finite based on what they read in the first post, but..... If they then read the thread, wouldn't 'they' have then realized this 'situation' was resolved long ago and stopped posting?


For many it is so that their answers will not be swayed by other posters answers.


Including answers that contain facts that may actually change one's opinion? I know this is off topic, I've read the rules here, understand them, agreed with them or I wouldn't be here, and might even loose my posting privileges for writing what I have. My point being, that in a year's span things can change, they did in this case, and very few people picked up on that.

OT I guess this is how I get myself out of the doghouse. By responding to the OP and staying on topic? I'm thrilled that she's out of that situation, hope her story helps others in the future, I sincerely do.
 Spoiled50
Joined: 4/9/2007
Msg: 183
Why do men use me??
Posted: 4/27/2007 10:32:56 PM
I too have come out of this type of relationship, and he is now on this site looking for the next "conquer" 4 years and all of them consisted of making me feel inadequate and repulsive to say the least, in my heart I knew it wasn't me but when you get the feeling that your not connecting in the right ways, sex was very poor, he drank too much, and I would feel scared because he has a history of beating on women, of which I experienced a few times once was very bad. Yet he goes on and on, and I am left with an emptiness. I know he never loved me for I know he is unable to love. I am very much a one man woman, and unfortunately not all was bad times, that is what goes through the mind. I would like to find someone deserving of my love. Hope someday that happens it won't be for a long time, my heart has been damaged. I know how you are feeling.
 Dianelirs
Joined: 9/2/2006
Msg: 190
view profile
History
Why do men use me??
Posted: 4/28/2007 11:31:56 AM
I am not sure here if anybody is getting it. It seems to me that she knows she is being used....even to the extent that she is probably going to get rid of him soon enough....we all do when the time is right. She is not asking what she should do.... I really think she may have been asking a question....one for which she was attempting to get an answer. I for one would like to hear some feed back from some men to this issue...since it seems that it has happened to a lot of us....women.
Why DO men use a woman? Is there something they see in them that says "Hey, I am a sucker??" Are there just some men who are prone to this behavior...and others who are not? Are do all men do this if they see that they can???
 pebbles_2006
Joined: 7/19/2006
Msg: 191
Why do men use me??
Posted: 4/28/2007 11:33:08 AM
Well hello there! I can relate I once dated a guy for 3 months...... he also drives a truck to be exact too. We havent seen or talked to each other in 3-4 weeks now. He borrowed money from me & also has my apartment keys.... I havent heard from him in 3-4 weeks so I assume its done between us because that is not a good thing to do if u are in a relationship with someone. Anyways I know how you feel.

Also I feel betrayed when it comes to men taking advantage of me when it comes to sex.

I am giving myself a break to mend my heart over someone that I started to like but me being unable to have kids..... sent him running out the door. Now I am mending my heart and giving myself a break from MEN & DATING & Meeting anyone @ the moment......
 catman40
Joined: 3/27/2007
Msg: 194
Why do men use me??
Posted: 4/28/2007 1:38:43 PM
I see this happen so much . woman don't want a man to use them . and then they turn around and go for guys that treat them like crap , cheat , lie . I still can not understand WHY a woman would let any man do that ? . ok , I live in wiscosnin BUT even still . I don't cheat , lie , use woman there is a good man in the fox cites of wisconsin . I like the simple things . OK some will say this is a cheap date . to Mcdonalds and then see a movie . or go window shopping . when it comes to sex . that the woman decides when and where not me .
 BELLO ITALIANO
Joined: 3/17/2007
Msg: 197
Why do men use me??
Posted: 4/29/2007 10:07:40 AM
you just did not find the right man thats all and i think you are being to good to him he is not the right man for you he flirts on you on the computer he will always do it to you he is just using you just dump him sweetheart you will find better don't worry xoxoxo
 Kramer111
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 199
Why do men use me??
Posted: 4/30/2007 8:50:10 AM
Its because your kind, generous and loving. Nothing wrong with that but yes there are some slime out there who will take advantage of that. Dont ever stop being kind loving and generous to yourself and dump those who take advantage of others. He will continue and in the long term more likely have affairs as he is already being psychologically and emotionally abusive.

Be kind to yourself
 marylander
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 207
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History
Why do men use me??
Posted: 6/19/2007 7:01:49 PM
liteinside,

You and i are nice people, and we allowed then to walk alllllll over us.
i had some people say to me it your fault that he treat it you that way. I wouldn't even begain to tell you what i done.
 Pronide
Joined: 4/7/2007
Msg: 208
Why do men use me??
Posted: 6/19/2007 10:47:36 PM
Its you OP ,your allowing him too use you...its your apartment kick his butt out ....theirs just some people who will use you for all your worth ,and it will go on & on till you put an end too it.
 Pronide
Joined: 4/7/2007
Msg: 209
Why do men use me??
Posted: 6/19/2007 10:49:17 PM
Oops this was posted a year ago ,glad to see you've moved on with your life.
 Can-U-Be
Joined: 3/5/2007
Msg: 219
Why do men use me??
Posted: 6/22/2007 3:07:20 AM
You provide him with everything, and he has you jumping throught all his hoops. He is proving to you, if you can't see it with your own eyes and not be in denial , he is a jerk. Selfish, self centered, ignores you when you are communicating to him of your needs, and he never follows through,actions speak louder than works. How many Red flags of warnings do you need to see.
You are trying to please him and maybe trying to hard to prove to him what a good women you are. Make some boundries for your self, let and make guys prove their feelings for you and to you. Being kind and generous is different than allowing, people to use you. It has to be a mutal give and take relationship if someone is going to have one . Respect of each others needs to be forefilled on a equal basis, and/or compromise.
He would be out of my door in a heart beat, but first get him to sign a paper stating all the money you gave him was a loan, do it with suttleness, kick the jerk out and try to get him in small claims court, and at least get some of your money back..because he is spitting in your face, as far as I would considerate, you doing every thing for him and yet, the last and final, goes on different sites hunting for other women.
It's called a lesson to learn by and stop your your self from repeating and allow this to happen to you again....I am not telling you what I am going to, to hurt your feelings, but things just are what they are , and you have to be cautious, and stay out of the line of fire
You are a good person and you are worth having a loving caring relationship, but respect your self, or get some self confidence. Some people are just users, but if your offering all this generiousity on him, you see how he is taking full advantage, that is not caring about you, but only what you can do for him. Why should he take you out, and spent his money. People use other people because you allow them to. Wether it is subconcious or not..stop doing so much for guys so soon, you set your self up to be a target..or it sounds like it. Make people prove to you if they are worth investing your time to or in. If you do a kind deed, when you meet some one new, and then later they do the same for you, it's a start of a new begining, take it slower, don't be so eager, keep yor guard up, and let them know where you stand, and don't back down, that might be a key to your mistery..Why do men use me???
And if they did something that is unexcepatable to you call them on..and if they pay no heed, that is called a RED FLAG. get rid of them, who wants to hand on to that kind of grief and heart ache , pain...buy some relationship books. Dr. Phil is great, but the most inportant thing is to feel good about yourself. Take a deep breath and do what you know you should really do.................Get rid of the loser..and take and do a revaluation of yourself,and find out how you contribute to these factors...GOOD-LUCK. And go DESERVE TO MAKE YOU AS A PERSON HAPPY, because a man can't fill all the voids, or make you a whole person, one shares, themselvse, not the whole picture being one sided. Live , learn. Move foreward and grow....take what you learned from this relationship, and try not to repeat it..Don't just settle to have a man...then get a pet..they can be more nuturing and be loyal and loving, without breaking your heart, only when they have to be put down...Get your self strong emotionally . I am not a man hater, or a man basher, I want a man to love me just as much as you do, then they must respect me...and take it from there. But I respect myself, you can't change the character of a person..nor put a new face in front of a old problem....Take care of you , because you know you best...then if the right person comes along ..both of you can share all the goodness you both have to offer to the relationship. Got It, then apply it.. First love you..maybe that is why you get used, then know you don't Yourself...... I was with one man for 32 years, trust me I know what makes a relationship or breaks one.....my husband died recently...so this internet dating, or just dating is learning of self and self preservation.
 Can-U-Be
Joined: 3/5/2007
Msg: 220
Moving On
Posted: 6/22/2007 3:10:44 AM
I liked your giving her a wake up call. It can be used for either gender, so it applies to both
 whd290
Joined: 2/6/2007
Msg: 221
view profile
History
Why do men use me??
Posted: 6/22/2007 3:17:55 AM
Dump him and move on ,he"s not going to change. You got to face it he"s not that into you.
 p_ann37211
Joined: 9/9/2005
Msg: 224
Why do men use me??
Posted: 6/22/2007 11:56:54 AM
Dear Liteinside,There is a book called"Is He Really Into me?"Well worth the money to read.Written by a man............"P"

p.s.people do to us only what we allow them to do!good luck
 hazeleyedlady4u
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 225
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History
Why do men use me??
Posted: 6/29/2007 9:52:21 AM
"P", I agree that we do allow men to use us, but sometimes they are SO GOOD at it that we don't even know we are being used.
 mariadelasilva
Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 226
Why do men use me??
Posted: 6/29/2007 6:20:02 PM
It's not him I worry about. It's you, It seems you are in a pattern and need to re-evaluate yourself. Write down how previous relationship hurt you and use it as a tool to prevent future relationship or better yet get to know the bright women many people see, just by looking at your picture. Show people kindness and generousity is not weakness and maybe then you will find an equal.
 apiratefortyeight
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 228
Why do men use me??
Posted: 7/25/2007 3:02:26 AM
I will take you out sweetie
 orlando94
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 230
Why do men use me??
Posted: 7/28/2007 7:18:33 AM
Maybe you should give this guy a break....I mean if it looks like a duck, it's a duck!!
I mean how many people would take money from someone, who walked up to them in the streets and handed it to them? Probaly 99.9% of you would....So if this guy is on "dating sites" he's not very good at his "cheating", and nor does he even care if you find out....So you were basiclly giving your money away to a man, that YOU KNEW WAS CHEATING ON YOU........
 eb3267
Joined: 1/29/2007
Msg: 231
Why do men use me??
Posted: 7/28/2007 10:28:42 AM
Msg 280 !! Yeah way to go..

Hun ( and others out there reading this post, Men & Women)

You NEED to figure out why you feel the need to FIX it. You need to stop that habit.. The person you need to look for, is the one that does not need Fixing.

Been there, done that, bought the tee shirt, then burned the mutha..

Maybe you should take a break from dating.. Take 6 months.. Find yourself.. Figure out why YOU feel the need to be needed..

Because what you're doing is longing/wanting/craving to be the "center" of his world.
Unknowingly/subcontiosly you're making him the center of your world, and hoping in return, that you become his..

Although you may not see it, that's the problem..

You NEED to get your-self together girl.. Cause you SHOULD want someone that WANTS to be with you, not NEEDS to be with you.. There's a big differance in the two.. If you look hard enough, you'll see it..

Hugs and Good Luck !!
Ems..
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