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 Golfen Fool
Joined: 6/8/2007
Msg: 232
Why do men use me??Page 4 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
Fourth and Ten and deep in the shadow of your own goal posts ....... PUNT
 mugezzz
Joined: 7/2/2007
Msg: 235
Why do men use me??
Posted: 7/28/2007 1:00:55 PM
let him go asap because as soon as he done with his bussiness you'll be out , dont give him a chance
 His Eminence
Joined: 3/12/2006
Msg: 240
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History
Why do men use me??
Posted: 7/28/2007 1:39:37 PM
YOU introduced YOURSELF to HIM as MS. DOORMAT and
have played your role so well!!

Basic common sense and self respect (with a healthy amount of shame), would cause one to HIDE such pathetic behaviour, ... NOT put it out in a public forum for all to see.

. Try some old fashioned dignity pills.

Sorry to be so BLUNT!
 underdogmike
Joined: 2/16/2007
Msg: 243
Why do men use me??
Posted: 8/5/2007 6:13:45 PM
Heres the the thing- people only get away with what you allow them to get away with. Enter the relationship from the aspect of dropping hints on what you expect from anyone important in your life. Through your non verbal reaction to everythign as well as how you relate to your dates and in some cases even saying what your expecting out of relationships you tend to fair better then hoping to get it. If you always do what you have always done, then you will continue to get the same crap as before. Hoping and praying that you get someone who is the "good guy" type ain't happening unless you take further involvement in the process by examining yourself and realizing what your looking for and ensuring that you get what your after! I am a guy, and I am seeing this as a vicious cycle that must be broken. Unfortunately all of this garbage that we all deal with from time to time happens on both sides of the sexes. You will eventually always find people who enjoy using the other for whatever they can, its our very nature (And I mean humans not men), sadly...

Unfortunately yet again some of my girlfriends have continually relayed stories of how they just couldn't leave their unhealthy relationships. I believe that we are all attracted to various things about the opposite sex that can not be thoroughly describe or quantified. And that more importantly being attracted to someone is not something youc an decide to be or not be. The trick comes in when you logically recognize problems in relationships, the emotional side of our brains say ...but I'm attracted and stand in the way of the logical brains attempt at evicting someone from your life.

Anyway just my viewpoints- Best of luck. Break the cycle. Find yourself a charming, confident, attractive man that ignites attraction in you and knows what you respond to. It isn't enough knowing what people's interests are, you have to know what they will react to.


Enjoy everything and anything wherever that may lead you!
 wvgin
Joined: 10/25/2005
Msg: 247
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Why do men use me??
Posted: 10/28/2007 2:45:55 PM
Good for your Liteinside....I hope life is treating you well.
 umightlikeme
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 248
Why do men use me??
Posted: 9/5/2008 8:04:08 AM
well i like your comment,, we teach people how to treat us,,, like you i was a door mat too, yet i still love her,,, whats up with that?

anyway good luck
 MelloDLyn
Joined: 10/25/2004
Msg: 249
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History
Why do men use me??
Posted: 9/6/2008 3:20:59 PM
They use u because u enable them to. Don't enable them!
 JazzzzMan
Joined: 3/28/2008
Msg: 256
Why do men use me??
Posted: 9/6/2008 5:31:29 PM
I think the first question a shrink would ask is why do YOU choose mean who are like that? (you used the plural "men") Why are THEY the ones you are attracted to and who get your nod? It may well be a *learned* behavior. Most of what we consistently do wrong is learned behavior. (Who did you learn it from?) When did that behavior begin? When was the first time you realized "men use you?" (actually they ABUSE you). Did it begin in HS or later? Who do you see ion the mirror? (an abused woman?) Is that something new? Or is that who you always saw? Were your mother and father in that kind of a relationship? Are you punishing yourself for some reason? Do you have any insurance for counseling? It could be worth it. In any case being abused is not a normal way of being.
 LeeAnne51
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 258
Why do men use me??
Posted: 9/6/2008 5:50:00 PM
People only do what you allow them to do, its your choice to let him use you...move on in life , let someone else be used.
 keng71
Joined: 3/27/2007
Msg: 261
Why do men use me??
Posted: 9/6/2008 6:18:21 PM
the answer is you let him. Funny a guy says this and a woman corrects him telling him he's wrong lol...typical :) He's busy starting a business and probably feels like he does not have time and he will continue until you branch out, if he does not miss you then he's just not that into you otherwis he will try and make time for you.
 louanne63
Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 265
Why do men use me??
Posted: 9/6/2008 6:54:59 PM
Because he can do it..that plain and simple..you let him he does it..I was recently lied to deeply by some one..this guy had the nerve to tell me he was dying and cried and played it to the max and when I found out he was lying and asked him why..he simply said..becauase he could..we let them do us this way..but I say no more..we are better than this that we are getting so you go girl and kick his butt to the curb!
 smart_and_sexy
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 267
Why do men use me??
Posted: 9/6/2008 7:16:19 PM
I'm a firm believer that you teach people how to treat you. In my opinion, you are showing him that this is acceptable behaviour for someone to be involved with you. If it isn't in your eyes, speak up and say something. Or do something. Sounds like he is taking advantage of your good nature and you are putting up with it. Good luck.
 sultryredhead
Joined: 8/27/2008
Msg: 270
Why do men use me??
Posted: 9/17/2008 4:59:12 PM
I'm curious of something, has this happened to you in past relationships?

Something most females and (this can go for males as well) never think about, or are aware of is why "we attract a certain type of female or male by our personas, our physical movements, our voices, overall personality." We are not even aware of this happening. WHO you are on the outside, yrs of being who you are is tough to see in ourselves. However, FACT is you most likely you may or havel always attracted the same type of male "users". Think about how many women who have been abused, seem to always once they are away from the abuser move onto the next man who abuses them and so forth. Suggesting you try to look into yourself and why you feel it is you are attracting these "users" just won't work. Asking a friend would be nice; however you may not be friends after they tell you something you don't want to hear. Most as well are not skilled in observance of what I'm trying to say here. This is NOT to imply there is anything wrong with you, so please don't think of my reply as being critical.

What you should do in all sincerity is to see a counselor and let them observe your behavior/persona amd talk to you about your self esteem. If you go to a counselor and don't mesh with them for whatever reason, go find another untill you find the right one.

Here is just one example of what I'm trying to explain: my mother's best friend a divorced lady who at the time this happened was in her late 40s, who was dating a man she felt was the "one" the "love of her life". Well over time when he told her he loved her two daughters, she felt so good was considering marriage. Until she came home and caught him with his hands under her 8 yr old's skirt. Yes she had landed herself a true pedophile. She was so in love she went to counseling with him, as the counselors told her "he will never change, he thinks society is wrong and his views are right". Now you maybe thinking what does this have to do with the cost of tea in China. Well my mother said "everytime she and her friend would go out say to a club, her divorced and lonley friend this lady in herlate 40s , would giggle and literally behave like a little girl, she would attract these types of males and believe me that was just one example, the woman was always attracting men with issues in that area.

We are drawn to certain types of males or females and not just looks, think about it. Subconsiously we are even drawn to a certain type . At one point I saw a gorgeous man model looks, then an old flame a bald older man not much really in the looks dept came back into my life. I was crazy for him, the model looking male I had no care and he meant nothing. What I couldn't figure out was why I would tolerate things he did, that I would not from anyone else.

You are trying very hard in and need to reverse your behavior, he knows what he's doing, but the more he pulls away and treats you like he does actually inside you want to make him happy even more? All just possibility it all leads down to what I wrote above and "your self esteem levels". You can learn to deal with and change, but it's not easy.
You can also re-train him, but that takes way to much work, don't be nice, be a **** for a change. Make demands, but my guess is you won't because you are afraid of losing him and he won't buy the automatic change so fast, he will presume you will snap back to your old behaviors. Again I could be very well not right about this and how you are, so don't take this personally or with offense.

I feel for you , because I think you are a great lady, but I also think you need self esteem and that is another fact, that for so many takes alot of work and looking inside of our entire lives to change. since we get most of our self esteem from childhood experiences be it even with the way a parent treats you or kids at school. I know you really want someone in your life and you love this man; however I urge you to see a counselor and even read some books on building self esteem. You already know as many have said "you let him do this to you, oh kick him out etc. but it won't be just him there will be a replacement who behaves the exact way.

Remember as well that if it were not for women, men would revert right back to animalistic behaviors. Think about it, they go away all guys and come back belching, farting and manners of a baboon. Hey sorry guys but you know its true...

Best wishes for happiness,
Erin
 merret
Joined: 7/8/2007
Msg: 274
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Why do men use me??
Posted: 9/28/2008 5:43:14 PM
My friend you should stop bieng a good woman with bad men.
 finky1
Joined: 10/6/2007
Msg: 275
Why do men use me??
Posted: 11/22/2008 1:48:53 PM
BECAUSE YOU ARE DOING EVERYTHING AND THERE IS NO NEEDS TO DO THINGS TOGETHER1.Hi sounds like you are doing everything for him but what he is doing for you?? 2. Looks like he has everything what working man need I mean he dont need to think about where he will sleep this night (he's got your apartment) and etc.( such as food etc.) .
But real man working and take care to other things too and if not you got wrong man and it's not just about taking you out for drink or dinner.Dont do everything by yourself. Let him do more.
3. And if you want real answer dont ask people here ask him .It's just that simple , sometime hard but the best way ever and you will find out everything. dont be affraid :)
Sample I am younger than u My wife had everything I made money , pay rent , we were going out some time I care the garden , dog, house, her car , summer hollyday ( only camping ) , cook , clean dishes and she just spending her own money going for trainings etc. and ones she say I cannot see future with you what I will do with you and bla bla bla..... and I say OK - just move out to your apartment and live your life . When the time came closer to her moving out she start to changing be more active at home but I say again move out because she need to do all thing by her self , she need to be more responsible and find out how much I 've done for her. Your partner need something simmilar I guess.
So lets do something because life is too ****ing short . Mean If you will stay where you are now you will just wasting your own life and make it shorter and shorter and no enjoy in your life
 finky1
Joined: 10/6/2007
Msg: 276
Why do men use me??
Posted: 11/22/2008 1:57:47 PM
AND OTHER THINGS !!! Talk your friends. Dosn't kill you and I am shore they will understand and help you in this shit time or your family will help you tooo I am shore..

Good luck .
 retiredfromworking.com
Joined: 9/24/2008
Msg: 280
Why do men use me??
Posted: 12/12/2008 4:25:14 PM
if i was you, i would let him go, and let the door hit him on the way out!!!!!
 faye08
Joined: 1/9/2008
Msg: 281
Why do men use me??
Posted: 12/29/2008 2:48:13 PM
Honey you are better than that. Let go and get a real life. I was in the same place but I thought I had rather be with him and be mistreated because I did not want to be by myself. I was crazy and I allowed him to treat that way so I finally got smart. I know it is hard when you love someone and you think he loves you back but all the time he is playing you until something else comes along. Be strong and take control of your life. There is a great man waiting on you so set yourself FREE and find out what real LOVE is all about. HAVE A BLESSED DAY. GO FISHING
 smileee4u
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 283
Why do men use me??
Posted: 12/29/2008 7:19:41 PM
He is a cheater and a womanizer.. the blue collar type. Come on, girl, if you continue to stay, you will learn to be helpless. This means that you will come to passively accept the role of a used up peson. You will be a victim and continue to feel ashamed, helpeless and depressed. Maybe you suffer from doubts about your attractiveness, competence or sexual adequacy. Maybe this is the reason he has picked you as his victim. He is testing you, in order to see how much you will take. You are his "old lady". You are not his lover. He wants to wine and dine his lover, but he has lost attraction for you. He feels you are happy enough, just hanging around the house and keeping things in order. Why should he work any harder to please you? You are happy with cooking and cleaning, and now you are complaining. He has you under his thumb, and now he is looking for some new excitement. He has grown tired of you. It's time to move on. Next guy that comes around, make him "work for it", or else he will quickly grow tired of you. He will have nothing to "pursue" if you give it all to him up front. You gave him sex way too soon, and set up a household way too soon. He is using you like a mail-order-bride, only even cheaper.
 taketime54
Joined: 10/7/2006
Msg: 284
Why do men use me??
Posted: 12/30/2008 8:55:15 AM
why are you with this dirtbag???? It is your fault because you don't respect yourself. You think because he screws you he cares....not at all....don't be so stupid...I am sorry but I am surprised that you don't get it. Have you ever tried dating someone???? Get real.
 jab786
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 286
Why do men use me??
Posted: 12/31/2008 4:01:07 AM
kick his ass out of your house and out of your life.. i hate men who do these kined of things to lovley peoples like yourself. A women should be treated like roses.. to be loved and TCL. Hope you will fined the one you will love and care for rest of your life. My wishes are with you .
 kitcat1958
Joined: 9/19/2008
Msg: 288
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History
here is some advise
Posted: 2/12/2009 12:08:42 PM
Either drop his ass outside your door or disconnect the internet. Why are you on this site still looking. Remember that what is good for the goose is good for the gander. I have had the some shit in my life too. It hurts when you are making love to someone and they speak anothers name. My heart has been broken too but I keep looking . Not that I dont trust men, there is men out there that don't trust woman. I works both ways
 tned111
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 295
Why do men use me??
Posted: 7/11/2009 10:26:24 AM
ok want to hear from a man?Tough your going to here it is july are you still with him?ok so if you are you need to look at yourself and see why your afraid of being alone yes sometimes it sucks but you will grow and become stronger this is a self esteem issue and you enable him to walk on you.do you have seperation anxiety? babygirl your a woman leave his ass by the side of the road real men dont act that way!!!Real men appreciate that a woman any woman will have anything to do with them at all and the adore and respect women...bob
 TJSS6
Joined: 11/9/2007
Msg: 296
Why do men use me??
Posted: 7/11/2009 1:49:25 PM
Dump him and dump him quick. I just dumped someone who was using me only for sex (and it wasn't even that good). I dumped him twice before and he asked me to stay that things would change, they never did. So I dumped him finally, do it you will feel 10 times better and once that door closes a new one opens. His loss!!
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