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 Desi1955
Joined: 9/28/2006
Msg: 282
Sex in the woman mind after 40.Page 5 of 25    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25)

If it was just those who are already married that post about the difficulty of finding a suitable partner, it would make perfect sense. A married person will not be able to offer the level of commitment that many are looking for.


A lot of single people are not able to offer any level of commitment, either. Someone else just wrote that men don't look past the next date, and I think that is often true. A woman (or me at least), wants some assurance that he will be there past the next date. That he won't just get bored and wander off looking for fresh fields to plow.
 oldkid
Joined: 7/3/2006
Msg: 283
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Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 2/8/2008 3:49:03 PM
Hmmm, Ladies did I get this right? A man needs to take the time and put forth the energy to provide a steady supply of emotional stroking to a woman if he wants a relationship that includes a decent sex life. She needs to feel wanted and have her self image boosted by his attention to her and then she may be receptive to his sexual advances.
 ankkka
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 285
Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 2/8/2008 7:39:41 PM
So...sex only in the night?
 ankkka
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 286
Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 2/9/2008 6:29:02 AM
I'm not moody woman...
If I love...I love...if I hate...I hate.
And is always reason...not my mood!!
 oldkid
Joined: 7/3/2006
Msg: 287
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Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 2/9/2008 8:38:36 AM
Over the years my wives and girlfriends have described me as cold, unfeeling, uncaring, too logical, etc. All things that would indicate that I have not supplied that emotional connection they desire. While I do care and do have feelings for others, I do not take the time and energy to demonstrate that to them. If I need to spend part of my day getting you emotionally ready for sex, it isn't worth it.

IMHO, if you need a continuing level of demonstrated emotional support to be secure within a relationship, then someone like me isn't it. As I have aged, I find I am less willing to interrupt my life to nuture and stroke someone else. I would have thought by this time in our lives we would have figured out who we are and be secure in ourselves.

I would suspect that as men age and their need for sex becomes less, they will be less inclined to expend the time and energy that would provide for that emotional need of a woman---thus the increased difficulty of finding a suitable relationship as we age.
 blondblueyed
Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 288
Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 2/9/2008 12:30:05 PM

Over the years my wives and girlfriends have described me as cold, unfeeling, uncaring, too logical, etc. All things that would indicate that I have not supplied that emotional connection they desire. While I do care and do have feelings for others, I do not take the time and energy to demonstrate that to them. If I need to spend part of my day getting you emotionally ready for sex, it isn't worth it.


This explains a lot. Although, I personally don't buy a married man looking for something on the outside as "caring" maybe that is a matter of perspective however it sounds to me like the "wives" and "girlfriends" don't buy it either.
 oldkid
Joined: 7/3/2006
Msg: 290
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Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 2/9/2008 5:17:39 PM
I "got it" many years ago that most women and some men have a strong desire for this continuing emotional attention to feel good about their position within a relationship and themselves as a man or woman (needy people). I suspect that this also relates to the strong reaction people have when their SO looks at another person or flirts with them or has an affair. Probably also relates to the feelings a woman has when a man goes to a gentlemen's club. These situations make some people feel worth less as a human being. THE ACTIONS OF ANOTHER SHOULD NEVER AFFECT THE SELF WORTH OF AN ADULT.

What I never will understand is why people (both men & women) need this stroking from a significant other and need to be number 1 in someones life to be secure in who they are and to have a high degree of self worth. I thought personal security and worth were internal to each of us and based on our accomplishments, not a function of our external relationships. Maybe it all relates back to the messages of worth we received as children; if our parents (SO at that point in our lives) didn't give positive strokes we felt worth less in their eyes and therefore in our own. Hard to have a high degree of selfworth when someone is telling you how bad you are.

Sorry I got this topic off on a tangent, now I do better understand where the older woman is coming from in her relationships and sexuality, I just don't understand the why.
 blondblueyed
Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 291
Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 2/9/2008 6:37:06 PM

What I never will understand is why people (both men & women) need this stroking from a significant other and need to be number 1 in someones life to be secure in who they are and to have a high degree of self worth.




Sorry I got this topic off on a tangent, now I do better understand where the older woman is coming from in her relationships and sexuality, I just don't understand the why.


The same could be said for those of us that don't understand why someone that can't "take care of things at home" feels the need to tinker elsewhere. Doesn't that have some degree of self-indulgence or even possibly doing your own "stroking" to gain a feeling of self-worth? I don't believe a "reinforcement" of intimacy or love towards someone that should be the most important person in your life should be viewed as a chore.
 TxSippiGal
Joined: 9/30/2007
Msg: 292
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Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 2/9/2008 7:59:41 PM
I just posted on another part of the forum.. about this.. so I'll go find it and delete it cuz here is where I belong with my peeps!!!

Hmmmm sex.. what's that buahaha rofl..

Listen I am a woman, 55, sheesh can't believe I am saying that I am 55.. but I am in menopause... yipeeee hallelujah!!!

I have not thought about sex very much since chemo therapy burned up my ovaries like 12 years ago.. I thought it was because my ovaries were crispy critters.. which is great no PMS any more.. hehehe.. But actually I think what has affected me more is that I have not been in any kind of relationship with a man for as many years.

I have begun to date.. and Glory be to God.. I have found that I think about sex a lot now.. especially if I meet a hot guy and feel that sizzle between us..

Yes ladies, fear not the menopause.. for it will not diminish your sex drive.. the only thing it will do is give you control. I have control now.. I choose when I think about sex now.. it is so liberating!!!! hehehe.. And while arrousal can and will occur it occurs when I choose for it too.. I am no longer a slave to it.. I tell it when to show up!!!
 ankkka
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 294
Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 2/10/2008 6:50:23 AM
Sex starts in your sens of vision...
 ankkka
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 295
Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 2/10/2008 6:58:58 AM
And...going slowly to your brain...
Than you have a choice...listen to your mind...or no...
 oldkid
Joined: 7/3/2006
Msg: 296
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Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 2/10/2008 8:25:22 AM
How can we as intelligent, rational adults base our value of self on the opinions or actions of others? That would meen that if my wife went out for the evenong without me or slept with someone else when I'm gone for a few weeks it should make me feel like less of a man. Sounds to me like the same BS of peer pressure and public opinion of when we were in high school. With the number of stones that have been hurled in my direction on the POF website, my image of self worth should be poor but it is not! My self image does not come from the opinion of others but from my successes in life and treating others in a way that meets my beliefs.

How about someone finding or starting a topic of self worth and self image? I think that is where this discussion belongs and it has a long way to go!!
 askaris
Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 297
Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 2/10/2008 12:26:05 PM
If you would care to read.....POF is a "Free Dating Site"
If you feel that you are entitled to judge anyone but yourself, I think God already has the job, but free dating site doesn't say anything at all about single
I may or may not agree with what everyone else is looking for, but it has no effect on my own wishes and desires. So I NEVER judge anyone else.
Look for your own thing here, and mind your own business
 oldkid
Joined: 7/3/2006
Msg: 298
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Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 2/10/2008 3:24:48 PM
steveracer, the title of the topic you are looking for is "So I'm Married! Does that bother you!?". That is maybe the appropriate place for you to express your opinion about married people being on this site and your value judgement regarding them.
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 299
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Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 2/10/2008 3:34:05 PM
God, I just finished reading the last few tibdits of this forum. Oldkid? What to tell you on how you think? Has not your past relationships made you doubt in the slightest that perhaps YOU have issues relating to others? I am no expert here but if you have that many ended relationships behind you and are trolling here, perhaps your "theory" doesn't work quite as well as you think it does? You are under the impression others must conform to your way of thinking/living/loving? Sorry pal, but you are not the norm. We all love praise, being told we are loved, important to the lives of the people that we share. What you describe? Hmmm. I think it's ok if you live by yourself and can pump yourself of your own self worth. But to live with another and be as cold as you are? God! I hope and no offense here, that I never meet up with a man of your calibre. I want to be told how much I am loved tyvm. And I shall return that to him whenever I find him. Sorry bud, I just find your preference of living way too cold and shallow...
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 300
Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 2/10/2008 6:22:18 PM

How can we as intelligent, rational adults base our value of self on the opinions or actions of others? That would meen that if my wife went out for the evenong without me or slept with someone else when I'm gone for a few weeks it should make me feel like less of a man. Sounds to me like the same BS of peer pressure and public opinion of when we were in high school. With the number of stones that have been hurled in my direction on the POF website, my image of self worth should be poor but it is not! My self image does not come from the opinion of others but from my successes in life and treating others in a way that meets my beliefs.

How about someone finding or starting a topic of self worth and self image? I think that is where this discussion belongs and it has a long way to go!!



...I have an even better idea. Why not let the wife have a peek at what your up to and see how much it has affected her self-worth and self image...and then we can start a really good discussion.

...maeflowers
 Singlemale1962
Joined: 9/21/2006
Msg: 301
Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 2/11/2008 10:37:48 AM
Sex might be in the women's minds but it seems to take longer to work its way down.
 gald2cu
Joined: 7/4/2006
Msg: 302
Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 2/11/2008 11:41:44 AM
In my experience some women start out that way and then don't seem to care for sex.Believe me its frustrating because I really like and care about them.Don't like to say it this way but I feel cheated and lied to.But it kind of seems some people will do anything to get a relationship and then do nothing to keep it.
 ankkka
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 303
Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 2/11/2008 1:26:57 PM
For us is frustrating too...if one man(perhaps our man)has more women to like...and care about them...
 ny_lady_13601
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 304
Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 2/17/2008 8:52:00 AM

In my experience some women start out that way and then don't seem to care for sex.Believe me its frustrating because I really like and care about them.Don't like to say it this way but I feel cheated and lied to.But it kind of seems some people will do anything to get a relationship and then do nothing to keep it
.

Some people need to take a long look in the mirror to see where the problem with sex really is. The way some guys make themselves out to be so great and as great lovers. Then turn out to be anything but, talk about lies and being cheated and let down. I know there are plenty of women out there who hasn't heard some guy talking a good talk about how great they are in bed only to find out first hand just how bad the guy really is. Too many guys will lie just to get a woman into bed. And then turn around and think badly of her if she does so so soon. Afterall, if they think less of her then they should think less of themselves for doing the same thing. The typical double standed bull****.

And what's with the Jekyl & Hyde syndrom. They are start out so nice in the first few weeks then turn into total jerks. Pretty hard to want to keep having sex with guys who turn into such jerks. Major turn off.

Sex in the mind of women after 40....we know what we want and what we don't want and we don't put up with crap. Pretty simple
 MacKevinized
Joined: 2/15/2006
Msg: 307
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Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 2/17/2008 2:20:14 PM

Sex in the mind of women after 40....we know what we want and what we don't want and we don't put up with crap. Pretty simple


Seems women know what they want but when they don't now how to get it the have to expound about the crap cause they don't know how to get it.
By demonstrating you know how to throw crap around, it scares away the men that refuse to have it thrown at them and what you'll end up with is your own pile of crap without a free plumber.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 312
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Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 2/18/2008 7:10:23 AM
LOL......Started at 30?........good for you......

Welcome to our world of men and the enjoyment of sex....... As we mature, we seem to blend together with those of you that think the same way, and the sex is just as good, just even better when with the right lover(s) as you stated yourself.....

The goal here is for the two genders to meet and greet, match up the right way, have the attraction and chemistry to want more and then enjoy the ride.......

Women at 40 and above may have that delusion of what to do with younger men, and of course you know that many men do as well with women much younger too. You get to be called cougars', and we get to be called midlife crisis..............the difference being that you want the younger men for their sexual prowess, and we might want the younger women for their youthful bodies.

Now, would it not just be better for us to find women closer to our age that have great bodies, wonderful minds, financial security, and a desire to enjoy sex as much as we do, and for you to find men much closer to your age that still have great bodies, wonderful minds, financial security, and a desire to enjoy sex as much as you do.....and can???....

I much prefer having sex with a mature woman that knows her body well, what she wants, and needs, and can give it as well as accept it........ The hard part for all of this, is to find them active enough, and in good shape to make it all happen the way we all seem to want it.....but then again, maybe that is what most women think as well......go figure........

Just my opinion......
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 314
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Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 2/18/2008 11:58:52 AM

the difference being that you want the younger men for their sexual prowess, and we might want the younger women for their youthful


I don't disagree with men wanting younger for their youthful bodies but I can and do disagree with your saying we over 45 gals want the young hotties for their sexual prowess. I find they don't have much! lol
Give me a mature man any day. The man who knows how to turn on that inner fire in his woman...oooh lala!
 blondblueyed
Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 316
Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 2/18/2008 8:24:11 PM

Well When she turned 40-45 ish she just stopped. She says she's always tired, (SHY-WITH-ME ?? and we are not young anymore and sex shouldn't be the way it was when were young... HELL why not ???? .... Is it me?? So now I'm on here chatting with ladies, (profile explains I have no plans to meet).. Get hot and tingly this way...

Does that happen often to ladies over 40 ???


Hasn’t happened to me.

I agree with Trish, when sex or really anything just stops, there is an underlying reason. Could be physical, mental or something going on that the partner is just not aware of or even possibly doesn’t want to be aware of for some reason.

My suggestion would be after 22 years instead of chatting to strange women is talk to your SO or suggest a physical. Perhaps “chatting “ her up might be better because if she ever finds you are getting hot and tingly with other women whether it is real or just cyber then you will have much bigger problems than not getting a little “sumtin, sumtin”.
 Huggles
Joined: 12/15/2006
Msg: 317
Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 2/18/2008 8:24:30 PM
Enough of the mumbo jumbo and big words and tearing them apart as far as the mind of a 40 year old woman and sex.

I want the same thing YOU do. Uninhibited, animalistic, throw me on the ground - against the wall, make me scar your back (not too bad), scream your name (or, ok, someone elses) ) curl my HAIR (hell, you can curl my toes any time) down right naughty love making.

That's what the mind of this 40 year old something is thinking about.
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