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 designingwoman
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 26
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Would YOU date someone with a chronic disease??? Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Cheers, WRBH!

My favorite uncles both have various disabilities. They live lives to the fullest and I love them for it! They are heroes to me because they are so wonderful. One is totally blind, but even more so totally COOL. I enjoy getting together with him every month. Other relatives say oh how nice of you to do this. I probably get more out of being with him than he gets for it. He spoils me rotten like any uncle, and I enjoy his company.

My other uncle had a very successful business (he's retired now) even with various neurological conditions! I exclaim that because I am proud of him for doing this, and for being such a great role model.
 who_the_fox
Joined: 4/29/2005
Msg: 27
Would YOU date someone with a chronic disease???
Posted: 5/11/2006 10:05:56 PM
Um...this is a no brainer. Of course I would. If the attraction and the interest is there, why not?
 cartographer
Joined: 3/20/2006
Msg: 28
Would YOU date someone with a chronic disease???
Posted: 5/11/2006 10:07:32 PM
I tried to date a woman with cerebral palsy. However, she seems to have disappeared after a few meetings together. It wasn't too bad, except she wasn't ready to continue with a relationship. It was a nice thing to try.
 WRBH
Joined: 2/23/2006
Msg: 29
Would YOU date someone with a chronic disease???
Posted: 5/11/2006 10:14:42 PM
My Hero was my Grandmother, she's the one that raised me so guess you could say my other Mom. She died Nov 1 2003 of cancer. By the time she was diagnosed with it was in so much pain from Fibro she was actually happy. She even threw a small party celebrating. To many that might sound morrbid but that was her way. Even with all the pain I saw her in, she never once complained. She enoyed life to it's fullest and I have no doubts she acomlished everything her life she wanted to. After we found out about the cancer she always joked "I'm not sick, I'm just dying" Like one friend said at Her funeral, she taught us all how to die gracefully. Her life was a tesitimate to how to keep your chin up and previal. How can I have any other outlook on life after being raised by such a loving, wise woman.
Now days so many Basketball stars and movie stars are called Heros, when the true heros are those closest to us that teach us how beautiful life can really be. I'm glad you have your Uncles to be your heros, more people need to look around and realize that they stand in the presense of greatness, even if that persons name is only known by a few.
 aunt j
Joined: 4/28/2006
Msg: 30
Would YOU date someone with a chronic disease???
Posted: 5/11/2006 10:15:13 PM
WRBH

VERY WELL SAID !! You are surely someone's hero! You go guy!
 dreamer1984
Joined: 3/18/2006
Msg: 31
Would YOU date someone with a chronic disease???
Posted: 5/11/2006 10:17:00 PM

Also, I know we all have our choices and we can choose who we want to date or not, but I think dreamer1984 sounded a little heartless in her last post. I mean, I understand it's your choice not to date someone with a disease, but you didn't have to sound so cruel about it. You made it sound like just because we have a disease, it's all over and we're gonna dry up and die on you. Hey, we have feelings too you know. Like I said, you have that right not to date us, but you didn't have to say it THAT way.

Ok well I am sorry if I came across as "heartless" I didn't mean to I was just being honest that to me it would just be more pain than it would be worth. I have just had more than enough grief and suffering in my life as it is and already had to deal with my mentally ill mother and some people think that if anything I was like a mother to her! So I guess I'm just a lil bit weary of "sicknesses" or "illnesses" I guess so I just don't ever really want to have to deal with that kind of stuff again. It's too painful and upsetting and in some ways I feel like it aged me terribly like not in appearance thank GOD but inside wow I feel like a 90-100 year old woman lol so ya I guess you could say I feel several decades older than I look in any case so ya. For me it's just more than I'm willing to deal with in my life but I didn't mean to come across as cruel but imo it would just be better to stay single than have to deal with something like that, and I'd always be worried about them too and I worry enough as it is even when people are completely and perfectly healthy! So ya just would not help me in any area of my life at all.
 Joy.
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 32
Would YOU date someone with a chronic disease???
Posted: 5/11/2006 10:40:00 PM
@aunt j - I guess my post came across differently than I intended. I am not depressed nor am I all doom and gloom. I just feel, at this point in time, that I could not intentionally begin a relationship with anyone knowing what I face ahead. I still have 4 months of chemo and then a few months of recovery after that. It's not been fun, I assure you but I have absolutely no doubt that I will beat this and I will be fine. I am certain that at some point, I will feel 'normal' and will want to date again. I have NOT given up on life and will NOT give up on it as long as I have breath left in my body. My life is too precious and I am surrounded by a plethora of family and friends without whom I could not make this journey.

For those who would date someone with a chronic disease, my hats off to them. I think it takes a major commitment and for me, just seems to be too much to ask of anyone. Everyone deserves to be loved and to love, no doubt. I guess this is just such a personal decision so I really can see both sides of the situation.

Thank you so much (and designingwoman) for your offers of support. I truly appreciate it.

Funny thing....the doctors and pharmacists I've been dealing with are anything but gorgeous hunks. Go figure...
 rouxdoo
Joined: 4/15/2006
Msg: 33
Would YOU date someone with a chronic disease???
Posted: 5/11/2006 10:40:02 PM
Dreamer: Interesting that I made note to comment on your initial post.....then read through the rest....only to end up (at the end of this post) reading another one of yours!

I won't comment (too much!) on what you've written....I don't know you nor what you've been through.

I WILL say that what you wrote in one of your posts (#46?) was so amazing....I'd have no problem writing back angry words.

As in LIFE though! We never know who has been through this or that or the other........blah, blah, blah!

I would date someone with a "disability" I could help with!

A "disabiity" such as some of the people on this forum have?

NOPE!
 rouxdoo
Joined: 4/15/2006
Msg: 34
Would YOU date someone with a chronic disease???
Posted: 5/11/2006 10:46:17 PM
Ooops!

I meant message #16!!
 Lux_Interior
Joined: 12/18/2005
Msg: 35
Would YOU date someone with a chronic disease???
Posted: 5/11/2006 10:50:30 PM
Depends. I have one myself. It's unlikely to kill me or anything. Nor is it anything anyone can catch, but it is a major annoyance to me.
 aunt j
Joined: 4/28/2006
Msg: 36
Would YOU date someone with a chronic disease???
Posted: 5/11/2006 10:59:42 PM
Designing,

Thanks for sharing that. I, too, had a very special hero. My dad. He was the relative dying from a chronic disease I spoke of earlier. The disease that helped end his life was PD. Even tho it is not hereditary, there are familial genetic tendencies to have more than one person have it. In this case, it was Dad and me. It was extremely hard to watch him deteriorate and finally give in. PD itself does NOT kill you, it is the effects that it has on parts of your body, notably throat and lungs that does it. It is a really long story and I am not going to go into details. The outline would look something like this:

Oct 2002 ....hospital 10 days pneumonia
Jan 2003.....hospital 7 days pneumonia
Jan 2003....continuing care center 2 weeks
Mar 2003 ...hospital 5 days pneumonia
Mar 2003 .. continuing care center 2 weeks
Oct 2003 ...hospital 3-5 days pneumonia
Nov 2003 .. hospital 5 days pneumonia
Dec 2003...hospital 10 days pneumonia / had feeding tube put in
(when he found out he would never be able to eat or drink anything again, he had it taken out, went home, and lived on baby food for the rest of his life)

From Dec 2003 until he passed on Nov. 21 2004, he tried to live as normal a life as an 86 yr old man could. He was mostly confined to a wheel chair, but he still managed to work out in his wood shop, work on his lawn mower, and do some other things he enjoyed. Numerous times thru out that spring/summer/fall he would fall and have to be picked up by my brother or a neighbor and then taken to the hospital for stitching up. He had more stitches those 6 months than in his whole life.

Towards the end of summer, he was so unsteady that he could not shave himself. I would go 3 -4 times a week and spend the night with Mom and Dad and shave him, rub lotion on his legs and arms, etc. Just trying to make him comfortable and not feel like a 'patient.' I learned how to sharpen the blades on the lawn mower; he would try to do it, but it wore him out so much that I would have him direct me as I held the grinder or whatever tool he was trying to use for whatever job he was trying to do and I was 'helping.'

More than once, I told him he was my hero. He didn't let PD get him down, and because he set such a good example, I am NOT going to let it get me, either. There are things that I am much slower about doing, and I am applying for Disability from my job. NOT because I want to, but because I just cannot do as much or the same caliber of work that has earned me a good reputation and many job related opportunities thru the past 18 yrs. I love the job I have, and it is causing me a lot of grief to know that very soon I won't be going there any more. I will find something to do................just not sure what. There are a lot of volunteer jobs that interest me, I am going to have to pick and choose. Can't do all ,so there are choices to be made. I will be 'on call' when ever the grandkids are ill and need a 'nurse' for the day or days; I will spend more time with my mom; I will join a club of some kind; I am going to LIVE and enjoy life.

Okay, off of my soapbox. I just wish there was a guy out there who would not be intimidated by PD, or any other chronic problems, and enjoy life with me and with all the other chronic 'award' holders who so richly deserve it.

I think women have a much easier time dating a man with a chronic disease because traditionally we are the ones who nurture and care for the ill.

p.s. sorry this is so long!!!!!!!!!!
 give it a try
Joined: 1/4/2006
Msg: 37
Would YOU date someone with a chronic disease???
Posted: 5/11/2006 11:01:05 PM
@Joy,

Attitude will always get you through, and you've got the right one. Met too many people doing the "poor me" thing. That attitude will take you down. When you decide you're back in the dating world, let me know, we're doing work in Texas over the next year. Cheers.
 WRBH
Joined: 2/23/2006
Msg: 38
Would YOU date someone with a chronic disease???
Posted: 5/11/2006 11:07:14 PM
Dreamer, My Mother was manic despressive, Bi-polar and Suicidal. Not only that, she brought one man in my life, my real father that's a child molester, Then another, my first stepfather that left scars on my body and soul. She use to sit in the road and scream she wanted to die. I can't say I know exactly what you've been thru, but I have somewhat of an idea.But know what, I am now a stronger person for it.
Thank goodness My Mom's third husband, who was a wonderful man, loved her enough to get her help. She's on medication now that gives her somewhat a normal life. She still has bad times and I'm still rasing her since her husband died in 2000 from cancer. I could hold a grudge against her, hate her. But what good would that do. I've found most people with metal illness are suffering 100 times inside more then they make us suffer.
No one grows from the good times, we grow from the challenges we face in our lives.
Inner strength is not in your body, it doesn't care how broken your physical self is. Inner strength is in your soul. It is alot easier to hold onto to pain and anger, but life isn't about being easy, life is about growing. You'd be suprised how strong alot of us disabled people are, never know might be the other way around and they might be the ones holding you up, suporting you
I'll keep you in my prayers hun that you find peace and learn to release feels that do nothing but eat away at your soul and weaken you. Hopfully you will soon heal.

Aunt, thank you although one thing, I'm the girl on the right,lol My Guide loaned me his hat so is kind of hard to tell. WRBH stands for Would Rather Be Hunting,lol
To all of you on here suffering in one way or another. There are some wonderfull support groups online where you can go to find acceptance and other people in the same situation that you are. I;ve spent many a late night in fibrohugs.com when I couldn't sleep because of pain talking to someone else in the same boat. Can make it so you don't feel so alone. No one should have to carry a burdon like yours alone. I wish the best for lal of you.
 catman40
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 39
Would YOU date someone with a chronic disease???
Posted: 5/12/2006 5:42:51 AM
this the ladies will love I have epilepsy . some are worst then me . 1 I know has a seizure everytime they have sex . NOT ME . some can't hot showers . NOT ME . The woman who hear say " I don't think it will work out " . this what you ladies can expect from me 1). someone to be by side at all times . AND if the night should mean you want I would not compain .
 WRBH
Joined: 2/23/2006
Msg: 40
Would YOU date someone with a chronic disease???
Posted: 5/12/2006 9:08:58 AM
Catman, My sister is Epileptic, she has Grandmall and Pettymall seizures.(Sp?) 12 years ago She hid this from the guy she was dating (he's now her husband)for almost 6 months. Then one night she came to my room when we lived together and had a long Grandmall seizure on my floor. Her boyfriend woke up to all the commotion and walked in on it. Later on I heard them talking to her in the frontroom. Only reason he was upset is he felt she should have known him well enough to know he loved her faults and all. He reminded her that no one is perfect and the only way it would effect thier realtionship was that he now wanted to learn as much as he could about it so next time it could be him sitting next to her helping her, instead of me. She was also diagnosed with Osteoperosis last year when she was 32, it is extremly progressed. (Genetically, my family genes are pretty messed up,lol) he's still with her. Said that is what Thru Sickness and Health means.
People that are only looking for perfection in a patner will will be disapointed thier entire lives. Even if I person is 100% healthy now, no matter what we all age. We all grow old and eventually die. And if your just with that person because of how healthy, or flawless they are now. Your in for a big shock later on down the road. That perfectly health man your dating right now, could drop dead tommorow from a heartattack or be diagnosed with cancer (trust me, worked on an ambulance for 4 years and saw it happen alot) while a person with Chronic illness could live a good life into thier 70's. None of us no what fate has in store for us.
 Indigo Rose
Joined: 12/14/2005
Msg: 41
Would YOU date someone with a chronic disease???
Posted: 5/12/2006 9:51:06 AM
still feel it unfair to burden someone else with this when there are so many healthy, viable people out there to date. You can say what you will, but any disease brings a certain amount of stress and drama to your life and I cannot understand intentionally wanting to put anyone under that burden.


^^^^I thought that way also ...a precious man found ME, he isn't bothered by my illness. I am blessed ... he broke through all my barriers,electric barbed wire ,bad dogs and all
 BossyLady
Joined: 8/20/2005
Msg: 42
Would YOU date someone with a chronic disease???
Posted: 5/12/2006 10:20:41 AM
It would depend on the person...I dated someone with Bipolar...extremely controlling and jealous, but truthfully, I think that was just him bipolar or not lol. If you love someone we need to love them for who they are, if the relationship works, great! If not, chalk it up to experience, not whatever illness they may have...
 WD1094
Joined: 9/11/2011
Msg: 43
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Would YOU date someone with a chronic disease???
Posted: 5/11/2012 4:47:35 PM
Yes. I already have. There are many with illness on dating sites since they cannot get out much so they come here. I've dated one of each of these: arthritis, depression, CFS. It didn't affect the relationship at all. I'm more concerned about physical attraction, intellectual compatibility and personal compatibility; any guy who can find that is not going to be to concerned if she cannot hike with him.
 shycat19
Joined: 5/22/2011
Msg: 44
Would YOU date someone with a chronic disease???
Posted: 10/15/2012 12:43:00 AM
I am on both sides of this issue.


and if you're still on here, thank you for sharing your opinions on this topic.
 skwizle
Joined: 10/13/2012
Msg: 45
Would YOU date someone with a chronic disease???
Posted: 10/16/2012 11:07:00 AM
i think people are confused as to what chronic means as apposed to terminal. to answer the OP i think you would have to be pretty shallow to pass up love cause it's hard work.
 pescando75
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 46
Would YOU date someone with a chronic disease???
Posted: 10/16/2012 12:12:48 PM
I have 3 chronic health issues. I find that women really do not mind that so much.
Where I have issues is the way I have to live as a result of all this. It's quite expensive, and it also drains my energy some, so ultimately, I live with mom and dad, despite having worked my whole life, as its just hard to maintain a household yourself with lower energy levels. Obviously, not good for dating, and it has been the issue women cannot get past when I meet them. I can't blame them, really, but it does hurt to be labeled a "loser" over things I have not been able to control. Each time I meet someone and get my hopes up a little only to have them go away, it chips at your self confidence.

I thought I was going to "check out" a few years ago, an experience that left a lasting impression, of course. When the docs and I were able to get things under control 4 years ago via IV drug treatments every 8 weeks, I felt like I was going to have a new lease on life. Only thing that really changed is I'm not withering away anymore physically. I really should go talk to someone, but with all the time I spend at a doctor's office anyway, its hard to make yourself go to yet another health appointment.

I dunno...be kind. I know for me just getting out and having some fun would help. Maybe I'm not "long term" material, but please don't lump me in with the "players" who don't WANT to commit. I'm kind and genuine, and it sucks to not have a date every once in a while. I've missed out on so much in life. It just gets frustrating.
 rec_diver
Joined: 11/13/2011
Msg: 47
Would YOU date someone with a chronic disease???
Posted: 10/16/2012 6:28:38 PM
If I was an old guy I'd probably date a woman with Parkinsons.

She'd probably give great hand jobs.

You might have to think about that one
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 48
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Would YOU date someone with a chronic disease???
Posted: 10/16/2012 8:21:27 PM

Would you date someone with a chronic disease like Parkinsons', MS, Bi-polar, etc. Wnat the whys and why nots. Or the do or does not.


I would NEVER base my dating criteria on a diagnosis. Never ever ever. I am very clear on my relationship expectations and know that a chronic condition does not limit or advance this decision.
 CheekyCapricorn
Joined: 9/12/2012
Msg: 49
Would YOU date someone with a chronic disease???
Posted: 10/16/2012 8:43:45 PM
In short if it was one that severely compromised their quality of life than probably not.
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 50
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Would YOU date someone with a chronic disease???
Posted: 10/17/2012 8:42:20 AM

Would you date someone with a chronic disease like Parkinsons', MS, Bi-polar

Yes, I have in the past and probably would again, depending on the disease. Some things I feel I could handle, and other things, not so much. A lot depends on the person, and how they handle it as well.
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