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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Is It OK to Date your Best Friend's X?????      Home login  
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 Greg19899
Joined: 10/10/2011
Msg: 150
Is It OK to Date your Best Friend's X?????Page 7 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
It's a toss up..if she is really nice, and I like her..it depends on the state of their relationship, kids, friends, etc.. We are all on her for romance..I guess the question I would ask the nay sayers is this..would you deny yourself the chance for true love? What if she/he were the one spark you felt you had been missing?
 Twitch369
Joined: 1/17/2012
Msg: 151
Is It OK to Date your Best Friend's X?????
Posted: 8/20/2012 1:10:43 PM
The answer to this question (for men at least) is very easily outlined in the guy code. You do not date your friend's ex, sister, or mother without his explicit consent. Anything else is a violation of our most sacred of laws.
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 152
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Is It OK to Date your Best Friend's X?????
Posted: 8/20/2012 1:57:39 PM

It's a toss up..if she is really nice, and I like her..it depends on the state of their relationship, kids, friends, etc.. We are all on her for romance..I guess the question I would ask the nay sayers is this..would you deny yourself the chance for true love? What if she/he were the one spark you felt you had been missing?


There's no such thing as "one true love." You can always meet someone else you will be more in love with - just from math (unless you're like, 70 or something). There's really no reason to put a(n old) friendship in jeopardy for a new relationship.
 boeryan
Joined: 1/27/2011
Msg: 153
Is It OK to Date your Best Friend's X?????
Posted: 8/20/2012 5:09:26 PM
No!! Hell NO!!!
 boeryan
Joined: 1/27/2011
Msg: 154
Is It OK to Date your Best Friend's X?????
Posted: 8/20/2012 5:13:14 PM
"Foul" is the only word I'd use to describe someone who dates a friends ex....
Way to many fish in the sea for that...
 LoveMyDog55
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 155
Is It OK to Date your Best Friend's X?????
Posted: 8/20/2012 5:45:36 PM

a total ex is a total ex. Anyone, including friends or associates, should be welcome to them. Otherwise it's simply ego getting in the way


I agree. A friend of mine had a problem with friends dating her ex boyfriends. I asked her why it mattered. She said it was because they would talk about her. Hehehe

That pretty much sums it up
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 156
Is It OK to Date your Best Friend's X?????
Posted: 8/20/2012 5:51:36 PM
Here's a twist on the subject:
If you have a friend that passed away, would it be OK to date the widowed spouse after a certain amount of grieving time?
 r00tzzzz
Joined: 7/14/2012
Msg: 157
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Is It OK to Date your Best Friend's X?????
Posted: 8/20/2012 6:45:27 PM
Man code is for weak men. Who really cares. Date my ex if you want hell as I care. As long I don't have to deal with her it's fine by me.
 denag123
Joined: 6/24/2010
Msg: 158
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Is It OK to Date your Best Friend's X?????
Posted: 8/20/2012 6:58:31 PM
there are certain lines you do not cross thats a big one you should not date your friends ex
 denag123
Joined: 6/24/2010
Msg: 159
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Is It OK to Date your Best Friend's X?????
Posted: 8/20/2012 7:04:32 PM
i would think they may have had something going on while we were togther
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 160
Is It OK to Date your Best Friend's X?????
Posted: 8/20/2012 9:33:42 PM
First I read man code,, WTF is that,, I am a man,, I live by my own code,,not what other say i can do,, I didn't join a group just because am a man, I have my own balls thank you very much..

As for dating a friends ex,, I would do it if i felt a connection with that woman.. On the other hand,, I mostly likely would not,, as sharing sex that close to home in not my thing..

Anyway,, I would do what was right for me, not my best friend,,or anyone else as it pertains to this topic.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 161
Is It OK to Date your Best Friend's X?????
Posted: 8/20/2012 10:13:26 PM
Choosing between a fickle ex girlfriend of two years and a mate of 30 years was no contest.

But you're not the one juggling the options. You're not choosing your ex or him. *HE* is the one choosing a mate of 30 years vs the mate of 30 years' ex of 2 years. He chose her. Now, that IS cool IF and ONLY IF you not only are okay with it, but you mean it with Zero hesitation.

It would be easier and better to have an ex date a total stranger you don't know, but life doesn't always work out that way.

Oh, exactly. And it depends on the ex. If the ex was someone you thought was great, but hey, mutual breakup, didn't work out, and you really hope they find someone and would even give them tips on finding someone and you want to remain friends with them, etc. -- I could see you OK'ing a friend starting to see her. But that wasn't the case with you, but you really had no choice -- because he chose your ex. :) You were willing to swallow that pill of him being lesser of a friend than he should be and having an ex you didn't want to see still be in the background VS losing him altogether.

To me, betrayal is a spouse having an affair while married.

There is always potential for betrayal amongst (good) friends. Always hitting on your friend's girlfriend. C0ck-blocking your good friend on a gal he's starting to see so you can have her. Secretly going after your good friend's ex right after they break up (or while together). Betrayal can also happen amongst family members. It doesn't require a spouse.

It seems like people who strongly oppose this arrangement still haven't gotten over their ex.

And that's fine not being over it. If you get over your ex the instant they leave you, you never had feelings for them leading up to it. That's not the case with most. If she left a really good friend of yours, and the next day you pork the gal silly, are you a good friend? No. Not at all.

And you can be over an ex, but not wanting to deal with them and not like them at all. But having a good friend start dating them will either NOT let you get over them, or it will just not be a situation you want to be in -- hence, you'd have to forgo the friendship pretty much for your own happiness. Being over someone does not mean being indifferent if they're in your life at all.

They CAN do it, sure. There's no law against it, but if you want to do that secretly or even against your good friend's will, you're just trading in your friendship (and a reputation amongst most for good reason) for a chance with a gal.

I would do what was right for me, not my best friend,,or anyone else as it pertains to this topic.

LOL - okay. Say your dad starts sleeping with your recently ex-wife/ex-girlfriend who left you hanging. Your dad says "I do what's right for me, not my grown son who can take care of himself. Get over her! It's done! I'm looking out for myself -- I'm a man! Be one too!" -- would you be cool with that?
 LoveMyDog55
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 162
Is It OK to Date your Best Friend's X?????
Posted: 8/20/2012 10:38:48 PM

Say your dad starts sleeping with your recently ex-wife/ex-girlfriend who left you hanging. Your dad says "I do what's right for me, not my grown son who can take care of himself. Get over her! It's done! I'm looking out for myself -- I'm a man! Be one too!" -- would you be cool with that?


I guess I would have to come around... no double dating though, too awkward
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 163
Is It OK to Date your Best Friend's X?????
Posted: 8/20/2012 11:32:14 PM
^^^^^

I guess I would have to come around...

What do you mean exactly? Come around to say that isn't cool or come around to swallow that pill (but act like it's not a big deal for ego's sake)?

Here's the thing: I highly disagree with the concept that not wanting an ex back in your life via friends is an ego thing. It's an ego thing to pretend that it's okay -- "No big deal, I don't care, etc".

Why do I say that? Because in most cases, they're an Ex Best Friend, an ex-best-friend from a more intimate level, too. You can be over someone and over it, but not want to be their friend, and not wanting to be a part of your life in any way. Your friend's life in many ways is a part of yours, and a close one's sig-other is sharing their lives with an ex, thus, indirectly part of yours (if kept so close). Why would you want a close friend bringing your ex-best-friend into the picture? To not be lesser of friends in the very least, would require you to be frienemies with the ex at best. That's not cool of a close friend to do. Plenty of fish in the sea, my friend. That's just selfishness on their part at an expense to you and the friendship to at least some degree, plain and simple.

Now of course, that excludes situations where you (as stated in my last post) really wish the best for them, would like to match them up with someone, and would like to be friends with them. Then, it could be awkward them being with a close friend at first, but that's entirely different and short-lived in that uncommon situation.
 saddestangel7
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 164
Is It OK to Date your Best Friend's X?????
Posted: 8/21/2012 1:03:37 AM
The only possible way that can be done is if your BF give their blessing. Sometime they will say that they believe their X would be a better match for you and set it up. Otherwise, an ex is off limits. Risking losing a BF over a man/woman isn't worth it. Often those things don't last long anyways where a BF often is for a lifetime. I've had mine for 32 years now.
 rockondon
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 165
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Is It OK to Date your Best Friend's X?????
Posted: 8/21/2012 1:07:48 AM
If I was with someone and immediately after our relationship ended she started seeing my best friend - yeah that would be kinda brutal.

But if my best friend started dating an ex of mine from years ago, that wouldn't bother me at all.
 LoveMyDog55
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 166
Is It OK to Date your Best Friend's X?????
Posted: 8/21/2012 1:39:47 AM

Come around to say that isn't cool or come around to swallow that pill


It's hard to say since it's never come up and in all likelihood never will

I keep to myself and don't run around anymore ~ I enjoy a quiet life and do my best not to invite trouble
 meowkatt2012
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 167
Is It OK to Date your Best Friend's X?????
Posted: 8/21/2012 2:10:29 AM
Sad,sad story. My sister started dating her ex's bf. They were bf since they were kids & many ppl thought they had or at one time had some gay stuff going on. They would touch a lot & still had this secret language. So the both were a bit strange to me & my other sister. The3.ofthem were always together. Well she broke up w one ended up living w other & the guys friendship was over. Her ex had lost too much.I.guess he started doing drugs. Pills he bought over the internet. He then commited suicide.

It was a horrible thing. Then I saw his parents, father a minister, But they had welcomed my Jewish sister. He was their only child. They were testifying before Senate about trying to change being able to buy meds over internet. It just was so sad. Somehow my.sister seems to really not have feljt so bad. She's always been pretty cold. And some ppl thought she only went w guy cuz. His family was rich. & she did benefit from that. Im sure her ex has psych problems & that just set him off. Perhaps. Something else would have done it too. Whatever its a tragedy.
 Greg19899
Joined: 10/10/2011
Msg: 168
Is It OK to Date your Best Friend's X?????
Posted: 8/21/2012 7:12:16 AM
I find it hard to take someone serious discussing "Man" issues with a pierced lip looking like a fruit loop. Seriously, what man code do you know about that the resr of us don't? At 26, most people are still wrapped up in what their freinds think they should do.. Guy, live your life, if someone loves you or cares for you as a friend, they can over come the fact that you like an ex..if not, let them drift off..
 true2yousweetie
Joined: 2/6/2012
Msg: 169
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Is It OK to Date your Best Friend's X?????
Posted: 8/21/2012 7:31:42 AM
Absolutely not! There's too many fish out in the sea. That's one cardinal rule you just don't break!
 AnAustralianWoman
Joined: 4/26/2012
Msg: 170
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Is It OK to Date your Best Friend's X?????
Posted: 8/21/2012 7:58:12 AM
maleman999....
How is it betrayal?
...It's betraying the best friend. It's easy to say "Oh they are single so the world is their oyster". As quite clearly stated I was NOT over my ex and she knew that,as he had only left me a few weeks earlier.
I confided in this woman and she relayed everything back to my ex! She use to stay over at my house, wear my dressing gown be my bestest mate, my confidante. I trusted her.
IF I ever had feeling's for a mate's ex then I would CONFRONT my mate and ask how they felt, and go from there.
 munko69
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 171
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Is It OK to Date your Best Friend's X?????
Posted: 8/21/2012 8:04:21 AM
bros before hos - that is all.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 172
Is It OK to Date your Best Friend's X?????
Posted: 8/21/2012 9:41:22 AM

anaustralianwoman
As quite clearly stated I was NOT over my ex and she knew that,as he had only left me a few weeks earlier.



Msg 154: We had many in depth conversations about how I still loved him and so forth...I continued with my life and even had a new boyfriend.


So shortly after your ex left, you went out and got a new boyfriend. Did you tell your new boyfriend you weren't over your ex? If this boyfriend has an ex, do you ask his ex for permission to date him?
 Wombat59
Joined: 9/3/2008
Msg: 173
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Is It OK to Date your Best Friend's X?????
Posted: 8/21/2012 5:18:15 PM
definitely no - but just as bad is your best friend and your ex also being really good friends - known my friend for 40 yrs and my ex for 34 - been separated 5 years but they are still almost like best friends - tbh me and my ex get on ok - we see each other 2/3 times a week as we are raising our granddaughter together and he's a nice guy - we just drifted apart - but its real annoying cause when he gets on my nerves i cant have a rant with my best friend cause sometimes she defends him - has real affected our relationship though i dont think she realises it - its my biggest worry that they could get together though i dont think so cause he gets on her nerves sometimes too lol
 AnAustralianWoman
Joined: 4/26/2012
Msg: 174
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Is It OK to Date your Best Friend's X?????
Posted: 8/26/2012 8:58:33 AM

Did you tell your new boyfriend you weren't over your ex?
...Sure did, I told him everything.
I'm not one to mope around ...The ex husband didn't want us (Myself and our 3 children) so why should I remain in limbo?
This thread is not about me and my life. As with every thread situations are more complexed and it is impossible to include every little detail.
Is it OK to date your BEST friends X? NO!!!
Anyone who has a best friend and know's them well enough to know what they went through would not put themselves in the same position.....IF you think you can do better with the best friend's X then consult your best friend before proceeding.
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